YEAR 1 vs YEAR 2 of WIDOWHOOD: Which One Is Harder? Let's Discuss! // One Happy Widow

Year 1 vs Year 2 of widowhood. Which one is harder? Today we will discuss the changes that take place in the first 2 years of being a widow or widower. There are certainly differences in these time frames, and some people say that Year 2 is worse than year 1. Other disagree. We will talk about the possible reasons why people feel one way or the other.
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, counselor, or any other medical professional. Information in this video is not meant to be interpreted as medical advice. I am simply sharing my own experiences in my grief journey. If you feel that your needs are beyond the scope of the informational content of this video, please seek medical advice from your doctor to discuss treatments or medications that may be available to you. If you are having feelings or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255
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[@OneHappyWidow]

Was Year 2 harder or easier for you?

[@dorislacaze8475]

For me I feel it’s harder because the fog has lifted and I actually feel every important date and feel the loss again

[@myliverandme]

Year one I was numb.😣 Year two horrid as I started to "wake up" to the full realization of my situation.😩 Ptsd, depression, anxiety, no identity, financial trials and severe health problems all without my person to lean on. 💔 I have journals and I have written alot of poetry. I have faith too. I just got done with year 3 and still crying daily at some point, but family and friends are very good to me which is crucial. Great video.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching- keep on journaling! #widfam

[@rosebaker1104]

I know this is an old video, but this one really helped me today. I’m at 19 months and thought I was doing well and the wham the last few days I have been struggling and I thought I was going crazy. Now after watching this video I realize what I am feeling is normal. It was the reality of never seeing him again hit me like a ton of bricks. I think my expectations let me down, like you said if only I can get to a certain point I will be better. I keep myself busy with golf, cycling walking anything that keeps me moving and now we are approaching fall ,then winter and I thought omg another season without him, how will I be able to keep busy. I’ve always tried to be positive in life , but this has been by far the hardest challenge I have ever faced. Thank you for sharing this video. Rose Baker from Niagara Falls , Canada 🇨🇦

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for sharing your feedback. Praying for you! #widfam

[@snowf52lake]

God bless you. I'm at 9 months and have the same feeling of "another season without him". All those celebrations we used to have that we still live through but no longer celebrate and they don't go away after the first year. I'm praying for you.

[@rosebaker1104]

@@snowf52lake Thank you, Together we will survive. I don't really remember much of the first year anymore, just that I kept telling myself that it will get better and that I wouldn't let grief take over. The second year, the pain is not so intense, but the sadness and loneliness takes over and then the realization of it all. But I really believe that he is pushing me along and so i keep myself busy while trying to find my way.. When I look back at my journal, I can see how far I have come, so I keep writing in it each day. Sending you big hugs and positive vibes. (((♥)))

[@snowf52lake]

@@rosebaker1104 Dear Rose, thank you so much. Sending you hugs and love back at ya.

[@jeankarcher2460]

I think year 1 kept me so busy with "doing" paperwork, learning how to do the husband chores, and dealing with people that i didn't really absorb the fact that my husband was never coming back. Year 2 has brought me the lonliness, pretending to be ok when other people are around, and inertia. I can't figure out who I am without him.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I think this is the common reason many people feel that their 2nd year widowed is harder than the first. Praying for you #widfam

[@meepkitty8390]

Thank you for everything. I think I was in shock for most of Year One and Year Two is surprising me with the spikes of grief. It's almost like I am feeling it again for the first time, though, looking back, each instance isn't as bad as the first time.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand this. Thanks for sharing #widfam

[@karenstancato1307]

Thank you so much, Leo, for your videos. Although I’m approaching 5 months on July 4th, I appreciate hearing what you and everyone has gone through in their grief journey and what I may be facing in the years ahead. It’s so helpful to know we are not alone and are understood. 🙏💙🙏💙

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback. I don’t bring up anything to scare you about what’s to come- more to prepare you for possible things that you might experience. -#widfam

[@scatling2065]

I am just beginning my 2nd year. I am not sure it is getting better yet. Reality has set in, and there are still so many things that require my attention, things I don't always feel competent to handle well. I did join a grief support group in Feb 2022 for those who have lost a spouse/long-term partner, and this has helped a lot. My very difficult experience on New Year's Eve/Day helped prompt me to seek more support. It was a good decision. Lots of fear, anxiety, and insomnia (watching your video on insomnia/grief today, thanks!). The words "Let your Faith be bigger than your fears" helps me daily. 💖 Thanks so much for your videos on KZbin, they have been so helpful to me. Onward! 😊💞

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@russellwheeler6592]

I'm new. Lost my husband last August 2021. I'm feeling like things are getting harder now. The loneliness is hard we did so much together. I do feel stuck.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry! So many of us have been through this also- feel free to join us in the FB group- link is in the video description! #widfam

[@BenAwesomeness3]

Lost my husband Aug 31, 2021. 2nd yr is definitely hard. My 12 yr old is also going through lots of hurt and anger. This video resignated with me. The reality kicked in. No one gets that you're still going through a rough time, except other Wids.

[@thomasmoorman8570]

One of the things you didn't cover in your video "1 year vs 2 year," is the reason that year two has been much harder for me because I feel so empty, hollow, and so in need of someone to hold me. You are 100% right about year one. The logistics that have to be accomplished is taking up your mind and life but by the second year that has been pretty much been done. The longing for the intimate times leaves you so lonely in year two.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I did neglect to mention that- and I understand it! #widfam

[@BenAwesomeness3]

Yes! There's a void. No comfort, no support, no celebrating together.

[@ladonnawilson2145]

Been 3 1/2 but yes year two was a shock cause I thought cool I made it Now I’m all done and then crap when the grief came rushing back in and overwhelmed me Then I started finding your you tubes and found that I was so normal then went crazy searching for more I wanted to make sure everything was normal. Blessings to all the women out there sharing their journey of grief

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! I remember feeling like I wasn’t normal either. But we just do what helps us feel better, and we each have our own unique journey. #widfam

[@TwinKarma1]

In year one I still thought my husband was here, I was in shock, denial, every emotion, Year 2 was hell, I had to finally realize that he was gone. I am in year 3 but still cry every day, I miss him so much and it has been so long since I have been able to talk to him. I expect to mourn his loss forever.

[@OneHappyWidow]

You will mourn forever, but time does help us manage the loss better. If you feel stuck still, you might want to consider some therapy- Grief Share can be very helpful!

[@timgillenwater5989]

Hi I think it's getting for me to walk closer to the Lord and he is helping me to get through it through his comfort 🙏🏻

[@OneHappyWidow]

I take comfort in my faith as well. -#widfam

[@lucycox279]

From Wisconsin so glad I found you Jimmy gone 7 months I keep feeling like he is coming home

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad you found us! #widfam

[@sylviag3576]

Just passed year one, it is so much harder now. People don’t understand, I should be fine by now, but now it is so real. I also made the mistake of moving immediately, I still am not totally moved in. I miss my old town and friends there. Guess I will start that journal cause I need some hope. Some nights I just want to give up, there seems to be no future without my husband.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Sylvia, you are a great candidate for my Pivot course! Www.griefpivotcourse.com. And I agree that you should start journaling, and start mapping out your life with a purpose. I do understand how year 2 can be more difficult in some ways than year one was. #widfam

[@sylviag3576]

@@OneHappyWidow I will really think about this. I need someone to set up my printer. Maybe this would be the nudge they need and certainly I need. Praying about this. Thank you and blessings.🙏❤️🙏

[@dorislacaze8475]

I’m in the second year and I think it’s harder for me , because the first year I was in a daze and a lot of it I don’t even remember it’s a blur 😪

[@dorislacaze8475]

But as I’m in year 2 I’m moving Along, just one day at a time I have a strong faith and some friends and my daughter is my biggest help and source of strength ,

[@chiarajulieannsacdalan295]

I’m 7 months since, i seem okay on the outside. So much to do. But most times i don’t do anything productive. I distract myself every waking moment with youtube, phone games, everything i can do that does not relate to my life right now. I have 2 kids who are or seem pretty resilient. But he is in my head 24hours, 7 days. My mind is filled with images of him very much alive which makes his being not actually here, physically painful. I write to him, sometimes, talk aloud to him, sometimes. But always, always in my mind. I eat to feel good so i gained kilosssss since. I have a great support system but they can’t do anything about my loss. I’m sorry if i don’t sound so inspiring or helpful. I just needed to say these to people who i know will understand. Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Don’t feel guilty for not sounding positive- you aren’t feeling that way, and it does sound like you are in the thick of the grief for sure. But you are processing it by thinking of him and figuring out each day how to deal with your loss. Over time, we simply get better at handling it. I would recommend therapy for your children, they might seem resilient, but they might be looking fine in the outside and dealing with it differently on the inside, like you. I thought my kids were ok too, and I should have started them in therapy from the very beginning. And if you aren’t in our FB group, we would love for you to join: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@chiarajulieannsacdalan295]

Thank you! I’m not on fb much but i will join you.❤️

[@woundedsoldiersbyvickhope2613]

Thanks dear this channel has really helped me 2020 sep I lost my husband of 24 yrs due to covid you have really transformed my grieving life

[@OneHappyWidow]

So glad it has helped, and thanks for watching! #widfam

[@biondna7984]

I REALLY like this advice about journaling to write to one's future self, to be able to observe how our challenges and perceptions change over time. I kept a journal while my late spouse was dying of Alzheimer's, and it became a book, which got published last December. But now I want to try this idea of addressing my future self. Thank you!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback. I would like to write a book someday as well! #widfam

[@vida130]

I need to write out some of my prayers.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Good idea #widfam

[@christinawilliams6044]

In the middle of year 2. Year one was a blur, people tell me what I did some things I said and I don’t even remember it. Now, that the shock has wore off, the brain fog has lifted, I find myself with a whole other set of issues. I’ve tried to make myself stay busy but night time is still the worst. My husband past away from covid and we have been exposed recently but we tested negative twice. Every time I hear covid I cringe. I freak out. It takes me back to that night that whole week really. Brings back so many emotions.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m sure there is an extra layer of anxiety because it f the manner of your husband’s death. It must complicate things and be triggering to listen to the news. Praying for you #widfam

[@donnacapps2012]

The 2nd year is worse because the numbness is lifting

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand that! #widfam

[@vida130]

I am 9 months in and feel numb much of the time. I have to start living a more routine, disciplined life to help me not crumble.

[@redsam616]

Leo, thank you for this and all your work. I am almost through year 2 and have had a harder time with the anticipation leading up to the milestones. I have taken big steps this year for me and keep moving forward. I really appreciated this session as I feel a sense of peace that I am doing good and I am ok. Peace, love, and light to all traveling this path.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for sharing your feedback! #widfam

[@donnacapps2012]

Hello from Athens, Texas I find myself more easily agitated in this second year

[@OneHappyWidow]

Interesting, I wonder why that is? Maybe grief fatigue? (I don’t ask in a snarky way, I am truly curious about what you think might be the reason- so that you can work on addressing it) -#widfam

[@robertadams7070]

IM A WIDOWER HAVING A HARD TIME BECAUSE OUR WEDDING ANNIVRESARY IS THE 22 OF SEPTEMBER AND IS ALSO MY BIRTHDAY WERE MARRIAGE 36 YEARS THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry for your loss #widfam

[@vida130]

Your daughter is so cute. I am sorry for her loss.

[@OneHappyWidow]

😊 thank you #widfam

[@deemarch2089]

I like the Race track. Finish~ start. Loop around

[@OneHappyWidow]

That’s how I see it for myself. #widfam

[@robertadams7070]

VERY GOOD DISCUSS LOVE IT THANK YOU MAY GOD BLESS

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@wendyeroche343]

It was easier for me because all the 1st of the first year were gone..im in Year 5 and I have come a long way..

[@OneHappyWidow]

Me too- thanks for watching #widfam

[@marilynnpicciotti1254]

16 months & feel worse. Last year I didn’t believe I could feel worse. It may be different, but not the improvement I expected.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I hear this from many people, that there is a bit of a setback in year 2 when reality hits their brain. Are you seeking other resources to help you.?

[@bonglagman951]

running 4 months only when my wife left to be with the Lord. i like the idea of journalling..thanks

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@dennismccowan5375]

Its only been less than 6 weeks since Melissa, my sig other of 37 years passed, and I feel like the first year has been squeezed into these past 5+ weeks!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand that! Feel free to join our FB group- linked in the description below!

[@taitweigel64]

I was more hopeful into year 1. Year two I missed my husband more and found it very painful at times. I'm into year 8 and the hard part is realizing the hope for a new life is diminished and the pandemic isolation threw me back into the part where I didn't have a new structure. My volunteer work stopped and didn't start again since the Sr. Center quit offering classes and programs. P.S. I wrote a book/journal religiously. I look back and see how it's changed but frankly, the lack of reliable classes, groups are all but gone since the pandemic keep rearing up in this county. I had been a leader of grief support groups for many years. Now I help friends with losses, but no longer have a twice a month group for seniors. I

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry for the struggles you are enduring. The pandemic really did a doozy on the widowed community! #widfam

[@myraloftis-ed1mv]

Hi Myra from NC nights are bad. It's been 4 mos. My husband made all important decisions now I'm struggling....

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes that is a tough transition to make, becoming the person who decides everything. Thanks for sharing your feedback #widfam

[@heidisisco9811]

I agree that year 3 was my hardest year so far. I’m a little over a month into year 4 without my husband. I feel like my family thinks I’m crazy and perhaps I am. I struggle that life keeps changing and going forward while my heart is stick in 2019

[@OneHappyWidow]

I understand. We don’t just “get over” our loved ones like people sometimes want us to! #widfam

[@jCREATESj]

My mother said that year two was worse because all of her support disappeared thinking "it's been a year, time to move on." I have found the same thing having just finished yr. 2. I often found myself saying oh, this is something Jeff always took care of or why didn't he ever tell me how to do that. I actually changed a water pump in my trailer or gee, we never celebrated that holiday that everyone is insisting I have to join in on. Much more alone. Especially in a crowd. There is that poem about how "the center will not hold." Not only did it not hold, it completely disappeared. Nothing is familiar, so much uglier. At least we had the pandemic together! BTW my mother has been widowed for 30 years and is still going strong at 89!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for sharing your feedback #widfam

[@tammymarsden4852]

What is the tattoo on your left arm and how does it work I saw once but want to see it again thinking of getting one thanks.

[@OneHappyWidow]

It works with an app that has an audio file of Dewey stored on it. So, you have to find a tattoo artist who has a contract to work with that company, I think it is called Skin Motion? You can look it up and find their list of approved tattoo artists to get it done.

[@loriramminger222]

I remember being going one day at a time, Now I look at a week at a time. Someday it might be long.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That’s moving in the right direction!

[@MM-yi9zn]

Year 2 harder. The raw reality penetrates the mind much more broadly & with all the tiny & small changes that now are unalterable.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I have heard that from many people.

[@snowyowlz5992]

Leo and others I am wondering is it usual to be wiped out energy wise in the first year?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I actually did a video about this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/sJKqc41ubt1ksNk

[@susanswayngim1854]

It sure is for me. My sleep cycles are all over the place. Insomnia was bad at first. I was just up all night and seeing the sun rise before I could actually sleep. Now, at 9 months I'm either sleeping or napping with a little awake time. I'm sure it will pass, but in the meantime my sleep is all over the spectrum.

[@lenetteshaw4833]

Absolutely. When I couldn't sleep, instead of tossing and turning I would get up and clean, organize or purge. In about 90 minutes my eyelids would get heavy and I'd go to bed and sleep sound. I was very fortunate that my employer allowed me to set my own hours.

[@lucycox279]

Lucy new 2nd one I am seeing

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@deemarch2089]

Me. #6 anniversary. But I still say 5. Like my mind is stuck

[@OneHappyWidow]

That is common! -#widfam

[@doreennakandakafuko2607]

Year 2 was my hardest

[@OneHappyWidow]

It is a common struggle #widfam

[@annkrull9894]

Second year harder, reality sets in...fog lifts. Need to get back into a new life alone.

[@OneHappyWidow]

This is a common sentiment that I hear from many widowed people. Thanks for sharing your feedback #widfam

[@loriramminger222]

I go to the mausoleum every Friday for the last four years

[@OneHappyWidow]

If that’s what brings you peace, then I support it! Dewey is buried nearly 3 hours away and I was going to take the kids for Fathers Day, but none of them wanted to go, so I stayed home too.

[@salligriffin7938]

Hairdresser???????

[@OneHappyWidow]

My daughter is training to be one, but I’m not- I’m a school teacher lol.