You Don’t Need More Self-Love

Ask Pastor John
Episode: 1685
Transcript: www.desiringgo...

[@Paige-Turnner]

"He loves us, not because we are loveable, but because He _is_ love." -C.S. Lewis

[@user-ms6nx1tk4g]

Churches, don’t fall for the slogan ‘love yourself’. We must love Jesus and He will love you and take care of you. God bless you all.

[@yvettesterling1837]

Yes, I agree, Praise the Lord! ✝️

[@STAR-RADIANCE]

Since when was loving yourself a slogan?

[@artisanartisan8564]

Thank you lord

[@Samrules4ever]

We tend to think that when we love others, we have to love ourselves less. Yet I think that when we love others the same way we love yourselves, we get to experience love 2 times more. That's what Christians can experience - double the joy and happiness. How wonderful!!! It truly is more blessed to give than to receive.

[@memosfrommomo9889]

Yess amen! That's absolutely it, so so beautiful

[@hangryturtle9006]

I have experienced this in my walk and it is the only way to live life. I’m seeking to get back to it

[@Richie016]

Seek good for one's neighbor, the same way you seek good for oneself.

[@victory75092]

Thank you for the words of wisdom. I’ve been searching forever on how to love myself. It’s not about me. It never was. Are you lonely, go comfort someone. Are you hungry, go feed someone. Great examples. As always, the answers are with Jesus, and not of this world. Many thanks for this video.

[@teasabarfoot1975]

Having others taken care of and happy is the most wonderful feeling. To be helpful. To be nice. To listen to others thoughts and feelings. Very great message as it came from Christ himself. Love one another.

[@kurtskrt]

Love others to the degree that you love your own survival. Now that is love. Jesus exemplified that love when He died for us on the cross. He loved us so much that He was willing to die for us and give up His life, so we could have an eternal life with Him in heaven. Praise God!

[@juliaz9843]

That’s so true. Thinking about it even loving ourselves and hating ourselves are two sides of the same coin. In whatever way, loving yourself or hating yourself still you occupy yourself with yourself heavily which will lead to pride or at least a sense of selfishness

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Amen!

[@kvanln]

This still applies today. We’ve shifted the term from self-esteem to self-care.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Self esteem should be found in Christ. No longer about self but God

[@devinaayona3785]

no they're different concepts. Self-care is taking proper shower, having proper diet, exercising, and the like to make sure your body functions optimally and healthily. Self-esteem pertains to confidence and self-assurance, it's more of a mental concept of the self.

[@TheBibleStory]

I hear this idea of ‘I have to learn to love myself to love others’. God’s word teaches that love is more action than feeling. God showed His love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. God didn’t show His love for us by have good feelings about us. Most people take more care of themselves than anyone else. That is loving yourself, even if you don’t have good feelings about yourself.

[@claudiavarghese9247]

Wow. His understanding of this verse has blown my mind. That is such a high calling. Help me walk this Lord!

[@confirmationscafu2331]

Wow 🤔 now I understand, bless you Pastor John for such being an instrument for Christ.

[@AGirlNamedVan]

I was literally thinking of how I hate myself and hate the way I look and think I look disgusting.... Just had a wave of sadness come over me thinking of all my flaws. There's that too. It does fester when we sitting idle and not doing work to help others.... I keep having to remind myself about this.

[@memosfrommomo9889]

Exactly :( We have to be conscious about what we believe. Because our default in this world is always evil, by nature, but thank God for His Spirit that gives us a sound mind to remember what He says, and to believe it.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Your issue is bad self esteem not lack of self love. We already love ourselves by nature. You do that everyday without realizing it. Self esteem needs to be placed in Christ. Realizing he made you perfectly how he wanted you.

[@cwest3020]

I respect this teaching but many people loath themselves don’t love themselves at all they need healing and a deep love for God so he can pour into them then they can love others It’s about balance

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Everyone loves themselves.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Paul’s letter to Timothy assures us that self love is a sin and not good: 2 Timothy 3:2 (ESV) For people will be LOVERS OF SELF, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy

[@jag6138]

Pastor John Piper isn't saying that self loathing doesn't exist. But what he's saying is that all mankind is inherintly born with an instinct to seek our own happiness. One may have self esteem issues and dislike themselves as they don't feel adequate or competent in regards to whatever, however, that doesn't take away the fact that their happiness is what's most important to them irregardless if they're able to achieve that happiness or not.

[@friendlycoins6266]

It's important to consider not ones view of themselves but the desires they have for themselves Often self loatheing is born out of unfullfilled desire. The argument being made is that even the most depressed wants to be happy. That same constant want for good for ourselves should also be applied to others in a way most unatural.

[@panteamaddah82]

Wow. Very well explained. Thank you pastor John

[@ExogenousBox]

We don’t need more self love, we need to understand who ourself is. The body of Christ, we must see the same sense of self in others. Christ made it possible to experience the oneness of the preexistent God in all things. Love.

[@ronnamora3277]

Thank you for speaking Truth in regards to Self Love. We must pray for healing where needed.. Let Gods Love Shine.. You still have it. You're still Here. Love your Neighbor As Yourself.

[@JafoTHEgreat]

I count "love of the flesh" and "loving yourself" the same thing. What did scripture say about the love of the flesh? 1 John 2:15-16 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Amen

[@michellegower1259]

Depression does exist where people feel no joy in anything. They just exist. Get by each day. Even cutting themselves out of hate of themselves not just for being touched. People are individuals so I disagree a bit with self harming as a pleasure. I do understand what his take on that is.

[@beccaarauz]

People wouldn‘t be cutting themselves if there isn‘t some kind of reward out of it.

[@elizabethosborne3606]

The way i see it self love can have two forms, healthy or unhealthy (ex. masochism). Based on my experience, the way to have a healthy love is through the love of Jesus. Your value of self change from wanting external validation to seeing how loved you are by God through Jesus payment of your sins. Then you are better able to take care of yourself as a result of that Truth. And that outpouring of love makes you love other people as well.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Biblically we are commanded to be selfless not self focussed. Self love =focusses on self Paul’s letter to Timothy assures us that self love is a sin and not good: 2 Timothy 3:2 (ESV) For people will be LOVERS OF SELF, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy

[@superultraboy]

This is very radical. Thank you.

[@Hazama-Smoking]

Never apologize for saying The Truth.

[@sarahh.166]

I cannot say AMEN loud enough!!

[@claudialsmith2996]

Surrender all and humility has not even been considered. I had to forgive myself because I did not understand being reborn again of our Holy precious spirit person of Comfort, and Convictions of My sins. I am not so very important. Full of myself ego. God is bigger than me and capable of forgiving me. I wanted to get saved everyday. But I was saved the first time I surrendered my all. It just took time for Learning to be obedient. Come as you are and God cleans me up. And changes my heart for his Agape.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Forgiving yourself is not biblical, just like self love is not biblical. We are commanded to be selfless, not self focussed. Accept Gods forgiveness, that’s all you need, He is enough.

[@fullsunoo]

9:35 Amen!

[@huntingdeliverance426]

I spent most of my life as a hedonist before I was born again.… the command to love others the way I love myself… I can barely wrap my head around the amount of desire to please others is commanded to be.

[@melissasw64]

OMG! I was spellbound listening to this. Thank you thank you thank you.

[@juniperabbott2614]

Helpful thanks

[@aidanevans4938]

What a powerful video!

[@traceyburroughs1111]

Tracey Burroughs from South Africa watching your episode.

[@lakaumbucha]

I’m gonna think about this every time I feed my fat gut

[@deshaunhill7934]

Jesus is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and God is Love and He Forgives🙏🏾

[@HearGodsWord]

It's the lie that society teaches our young people these days.

[@anjalisartistry870]

💗 urself others and God

[@huunguyen584]

Love John Piper!

[@KimberlyLBrown]

Matthew 17:24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

[@gordonmallary]

Amazing

[@kpballa1009]

2 Tim 3:1-2 - But know this, that in the last days difficult times will come: for people will be LOVERS OF THEMSELVES, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers... John 3:30 - He must increase and I must DECREASE Mt 16:24 - If anyone wants to come after Me, he must DENY HIMSELF, take up his cross and follow Me.. Romans 14:7-8 - For none of us lives for himself, and no one dies for himself. for if we live, we live for the Lord; if we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord's.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Amen!

[@Dani-sl9cb]

Oh my yessss! This was on my heart right now and was gonna study this biblically in the morning, because My spirit cringes at the self love movement which people my age push sooo heavily

[@christinesavedbygrace8680]

Isn't it the Love of God for us flowing out of our hearts? When you are Thankful and love GOD, don't you want others to know that love of GOD too?

[@snow.flower]

AMEN!!!

[@sonjapetrovic2809]

Why am I an exception to this? Why am I repelled against? I love ppl more than I love myself & I don't get that back. Why? What's wrong with me that no one wants to befriend me? Help me to understand cuz I don't..

[@user-rt4en2mb1u]

Hello Sonja👋

[@ShepherdMinistry]

We don’t love in order to get something back, that would be manipulating. We love because God loved us first. I don’t love or do things Gods way to be liked or befriended. I do it because that’s what love does.

[@sonjapetrovic2809]

@@ShepherdMinistry Nowhere did I say I "expect" anything in return. I have given way more love in this life than I have received! But it IS a COMMANDMENT to love God & one another. We all need support in this life. The bible says we aren't to carry burdens alone, but to bare one another's in LOVE.. that is what GOD EXPECTS from us as brothers & sisters in Christ. To do anything but that is not fulfilling the prophesy. We are to treat others how we expect to be treated & love our neighbors as ourselves. No exception. 💜

[@ShepherdMinistry]

@@sonjapetrovic2809 you should be receiving a lot more love in return.. from Christ as he is the one who comforts you. But the world should reject you like it did Christ.

[@sonjapetrovic2809]

@@ShepherdMinistry I know, but it doesn't feel too good, when the whole world, including your own family rejects you! I understand why, but rejection is painful & not easy.. I do know that my father will never leave, nor forsake me & I can rest in that comfort. 💜

[@howtosavealife3065]

Jesus died on the cross because of His love for us. Traded His life for our ransom. Just think about self love in connection to that. That was a very powerful insight from John Piper.

[@allennebu7478]

Amen

[@gardenbee1238]

As a child, I grappled with whether or not it was arrogant to love myself. I see now that I am "dead" and it's all about Jesus inside me, not myself. That's the best gift ever. God truly loves us to have sent his son to go through death in our place. I can live a life free from sin with the Lord who dwells within.

[@enoilemiranda4048]

It makes me worried that if I don't know how to obey this and love my neighbor, a person that I see, properly, how could I be able to love God as well as it is the biggest commandment...

[@memosfrommomo9889]

Like some of the other comments are highlighting to me, in the same way it's a trap to think you must work to love yourself before others, it's a trap to think you must work to love others before God. You love yourself by loving others, and you love others by loving God. Everything stems from God, from being connected to Jesus, who is himself love.

[@memosfrommomo9889]

Whenever I find myself getting worried about how big God is and how could I ever relate to Him or approach Him, I remember that He made me, and the desire to know Him is proof that He's working in me to draw me to Him. He made you, and His creation is precious to Him, how much more His children that He begot. Jesus came so we could know God. Any idea of God we have that doesn't fit with the character and person of Jesus, isn't true. God is both the lion and the lamb. It's a dreadful thing to fall into His hands (Hebrews 10:31), but absolutely beautiful to be drawn in by Him.

[@nathanielturner8733]

@@memosfrommomo9889 I couldn't have articulated this better. Thanks for sharing, my spirit needed this.

[@memosfrommomo9889]

@@nathanielturner8733 oh woww so happy to hear that :)

[@lonelystupidwar]

in my opinion, this is a very very difficult Christian problem, and it can be best addressed by the Christian Saint Joseph Labre, because his life is a superb Christian illustration of how a very active and involved life with the world can also simultaneously be a quiet life too. The Holy Bible instructs self love to the extent that it tells us to live a quiet life... God loves man enough to care about our "self love" in that He allows those who yearn from within to belong to Him to live a quiet life, that is best illustrated by Christs teaching Himself, that, every single human being is worth more than many sparrows to the Almighty and those sparrows do not fret about how the Almighty will care and protect their lives by His grace and Spirit daily. This Christian problem also comes down to the fact that all of Christs laborers are all unique in their labor because of their individuality maybe?

[@veteranredbeard6222]

If someone says you must love yourself before you love others, that's self idolatry. Many times you can't love yourself without doing good for others. And that's the trap. Satan wants you to wallow in your depression and never love anyone.

[@memosfrommomo9889]

Woww this is so insightful! Thank you for sharing

[@shysingss]

Okay but if you love yourself in the context of Gods love that is perfect and kind and keeps no record of wrong. That kinda of love is the only real love not self idolatry. I think of self love as forgiving yourself for your imperfections like God does and loves you anyway. I tended to keep record of my wrongs which made it easier for me to do that to others. When I learned to love myself in that I could properly love others and not hold their sins against them. That’s just how I think of it. I don’t agree everyone loves themselves survival instinct is different than love. And ppl commit Suicide often do they love themselves? Idk if the opposite of wanting to experience pain is love either I need Bible for that.

[@jennifersantiago8747]

It’s not that you just must love yourself before loving someone else, more than that is learning how to love yourself through Gods vision of what you really are, to the light of what scriptures show us, and loving and knowing who you are in Christ change our hearts to the point that it gets softer so we can love people around us in such an easier and blessed way!!

[@ShepherdMinistry]

@@shysingss it is not commanded biblically to forgive yourself, just like it’s not commanded biblically to love yourself. Disagree ? Show me the verse. The person who commits suicide also loves themselves. Love is not just a feeling it’s a choice. We make choices everyday that we believe will bring us happiness, this is loving yourself. The suicidal person kills themselves why? To end the pain and to have relief (happiness). The problem is we don’t know what true love is until we find God. We have no idea what’s good for us. God shows us true love and he commands us to be selfless and love others.

[@iki-rom314]

Does this mean when I go out and eat I have to take my broke friend pay for her taxi fare and feed her the same food I have ?

[@carlpeterson8182]

I think we do need to learn to love ourselves correctly and then we can love others better. I reject some of Piper's definition and thus application of love. I do not think people that hurt themselves, whether or not they get pleasure from it, are loving themselves. How can you truly hurt yourself and say you love yourself correctly? I think mankind does love themselves but it is a distorted love because we do not love God more This is a very Augustine way of looking at love. We need to have a correct order and telos for love. Piper is very right that the self esteem movement had many issues and had things wrong. I am not completely against self esteem as some are such as Tim Keller. But this fascination on self esteem and that if only I had a higher self esteem then I could love others is wrong. It might be true that if one has a very low self esteem then how can he love others? This would be closely tied to low faith in God. But the same issue would also apply to those with very high self esteem. Thus how can one who constantly worried only about oneself love others? How do they see the issues with others if they are never looking. Again Piper is correct about a lot of things here. I do think his definition of love is skewed though and thus his argument is faulty.

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Many Christians fall into the trap of thinking we must “learn to love ourselves” before we can properly love others. This however is not biblical. Love is a choice, not just a feeling, and everyday we choose to love ourselves. Everyday we feed our bodies, care for ourselves, and attempt to do things we believe will bring us happiness, this is loving yourself. Self-love is part of human nature. Ephesians 5:29 “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church”. This misconception of self-love being commanded in the Bible comes from a bad interpretation of scripture. Example: Matthew 22:39 “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” As previously stated, “as yourself” is implied we already love ourselves naturally. Jesus was commanding us to love God and others as we already do for ourselves. He was not commanding something we already do in our flesh. Another false teaching is “we can’t love others properly until we learn to love ourselves”. Our source of love as Christians is not “self”, it is God (the Holy Spirit working within us). We love because He loved us first (1 John 4:19). We must take our focus off our selfish ways and become selfless focusing on loving God to properly love others. People confuse self-love with self-esteem. Self-love is a choice we make daily for ourselves, self-esteem is a view of ourselves resulting in how we feel. We know this because love is a choice not just a feeling. How do we fix feeling inadequate, insecure, and unworthy? We place our identity in Christ. We remove “self” and become selfless. Jesus called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. We must become a new creation in Jesus and find our worth in Him. We no longer have to worry about self-esteem or confidence issues, since we now have God-esteem and Godfidence (made up words but you get the point). Beware of the dangers of focusing on loving yourself. 2 Timothy 3:1-2 “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be LOVERS OF SELF”

[@upbestsalt1551]

@@ShepherdMinistrywhat if you’re numb?

[@charlesvandenburgh5295]

I never had a problem with self love. My problem was self hatred. I keep pleading with Jesus to remove a certain sin from my life but I kept relapsing back into that sin. Since it couldn't be God's fault, it had to be my own, to the point where I felt myself to be a total failure. My eventual cure was not getting over the sin, but to realize that Jesus held humans to impossible expectations.

[@NormayzLed]

The whole point of Christ message is he would take your burdens so you wouldn’t have to. Remember much of the time He was speaking to the Jews of time because of their works to achieve what they needed from God. When you are weak He is strong.

[@charlesvandenburgh5295]

Nice words, but for me it solved nothing. Having a science background, I begged God to show me some simple and scientifically impossible miracle. God had to know that's what I needed. Didn't happen, and that was the end of my Christian belief. Not surprisingly, my self-hatred soon ended and life got much better and certainly much happier.@@NormayzLed

[@shysingss]

Okay but if you don’t love yourself at all how Do you know to love your neighbor?

[@ShepherdMinistry]

Many Christians fall into the trap of thinking we must “learn to love ourselves” before we can properly love others. This however is not biblical. Love is a choice, not just a feeling, and everyday we choose to love ourselves. Everyday we feed our bodies, care for our selves, or attempt to do things we believe will make us happy, this is loving yourself. Self-love is part of human nature. Ephesians 5:29 “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church”. This misconception of self-love being commanded in the Bible comes from a bad interpretation of scripture. Example: Matthew 22:39 “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” As previously stated, “as yourself” is implied we already love ourselves naturally. Jesus was commanding us to love God and others as we already do for ourselves. He was not commanding something we already do in our flesh. Another false teaching is “we can’t love others properly until we learn to love ourselves”. Our source of love as Christians is not “self”, it is God (the Holy Spirit working within us). We love because He loved us first (1 John 4:19). We must take our focus off our selfish ways and become selfless focusing on loving God to properly love others. People confuse self-love with self-esteem. Self-love is a choice we make daily for ourselves, self-esteem is a view of ourselves resulting in how we feel. We know this because love is a choice not just a feeling. How do we fix feeling inadequate, insecure, and unworthy? We place our identity in Christ. We remove “self” and become selfless. Jesus called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. We must become a new creation in Jesus and find our worth in Him. We no longer have to worry about self-esteem or confidence issues, since we now have God-esteem and Godfidence (made up words but you get the point).

[@ShepherdMinistry]

@Christopher Odegard you keep commenting this without any scripture to back your claims. What verse commands us to love yourselves ?

[@ShepherdMinistry]

@Christopher Odegard if you read my comment I actually spoke on that but you obviously aren’t reading reply’s. How about you provide the verse where it commands to love yourself.

[@lifeofachristiannursingstu9498]

itsshy Kelly. If you see love as choice you can choose to make an effort to be selfless and love others. Also when you start to love others you'll be able to find love for yourself.

[@wandalester7253]

How should we spell love "OTHERS"

[@user-rt4en2mb1u]

Hello Wanda👋👋

[@BrianJamesShanley]

The narrating kid’s preamble lasts until 1:07 before you hear Piper.

[@lonelystupidwar]

My experience of existence is sorry for commenting a KZbin comment on this KZbin video. My experience of existence doesn't know if for and if for not, a mistake.

[@lonelystupidwar]

And what if that never explains the Ps4-and five video game trailer perhaps for, perhaps not that was strategically released today (2/8/2022)??? This KZbin video comment of my self effort or choice (?) is just another mistake for whatever is my gift of life because that is how much my own faults have created blah blah blah God hate.

[@TheCannonofMohammed]

Often I am accused of being angry about your minimizing of abortion by insinuating it is a lessor sin than pride (something that defies quantification and precise definition). Can we look to Jesus as our example? When did Jesus become angry? Was it not when the buyers and sellers desecrated the temple by turning it into a den of thieves? Why did that enrage our Lord? Because it was His Father’s house. John, where does God make his habitation today? He lives in the hearts of His people. It is precisely this reason that God, and in turn the true prolife community, can seem to be so angry about abortion. It is far more grievous than mere desecration; it is the destruction of the Holy Spirit’s dwelling place. John, does this make sense to you?

[@christsavesjesusforgives8331]

Thanks for all your time and work.

[@dailywordnuggets8148]

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church, for he who loves his wife, loves himself..for no man ever hated himself.. We are to love ourselves, but not at the expense of loving others over us..if they need clothes, give them yours..if they need food, give them yours..seek others over yourself. But do not hate yourself or abuse you..

[@ShepherdMinistry]

You already love yourself naturally. It’s part of the flesh. Ephesians 5:29 “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church”. This misconception of self-love being commanded in the Bible comes from a bad interpretation of scripture. Example: Matthew 22:39 “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” As previously stated, “as yourself” is implied we already love ourselves naturally. Jesus was commanding us to love God and others as we already do for ourselves. He was not commanding something we already do in our flesh. Another false teaching is “we can’t love others properly until we learn to love ourselves”. Our source of love as Christians is not “self”, it is God (the Holy Spirit working within us). We love because He loved us first (1 John 4:19). We must take our focus off our selfish ways and become selfless focusing on loving God to properly love others. People confuse self-love with self-esteem. Self-love is a choice we make daily for ourselves, self-esteem is a view of ourselves resulting in how we feel. We know this because love is a choice not just a feeling. How do we fix feeling inadequate, insecure, and unworthy? We place our identity in Christ. We remove “self” and become selfless. Jesus called us to deny ourselves and follow Him. We must become a new creation in Jesus and find our worth in Him. We no longer have to worry about self-esteem or confidence issues, since we now have God-esteem and Godfidence (made up words but you get the point).

[@AL-ri6bk]

the dying to self is gonna be real.

[@frances124]

Hmmm. Self love and self esteem leads to self confidence. It helps you in the workplace and gives you the courage to pursue your dreams. You need to believe in yourself to be able to push yourself to achieve certain things. You can love God, your neighbor and still love yourself.

[@JafoTHEgreat]

You missed the point 12:54

[@Michael-vl7ey]

Our current definition of self love isn’t what was meant in the Bible when they talked about self love so you are not debating the point

[@DavidKim2106]

6:08

[@ShepherdMinistry]

The Christian way is to deny yourself, to become selfless. To rely on God and not self. He is our strength. Godfidence not confidence

[@matthewciappara6506]

Amen