You never really know what another person’s intentions are

[@TitularHeroine]

One thing about indirect communication that drives me berserk is indirect requests -- hinting at what they want instead of asking. I can't read your &?©%¡$# mind and I'm not sure I'd want to be able to anyway.

[@42hamneggs]

Definition of a bore is someone who tells you how he is when you ask. Definition of a poor communicator is someone who doesn't tell you how he is when you ask. Definition of a good communicator is the wife who tells you how you feel. Sigh! I'm "fine" by the way. I mean fine, not FINE, in case you are wondering. Deeper sigh!!

[@dvdspndl]

Thanks, good point, as always. What bothers me a lot is the message that indirectness itself carries, it can be entitlement, fear, sarcasm etc etc. Can you please elaborate on when is it okay or even recommended to use indirect speech and when it's bad?

[@TitularHeroine]

Is it okay if I chime in, as an interested layperson? I think that's going to come down largely to how well you know someone -- what they're likely to joke about, how their body language, tone of voice, and expression changes when they're being sarcastic, and so on. Those cues might be different from person to person. Sarcasm, for instance, can be angry, critical, good-natured teasing, or even flirty. Mock approval can at times be actual approval. Sometimes it's better -- and it's all right -- to just straight-up ask someone if they're being sarcastic. Those are just some of my thoughts and as a non-professional, no offense taken if you disregard this comment. :)

[@HowCommunicationWorks]

Theoretically, the main place where people use indirectness is where being direct might cause someone to lose face. so often when we’re trying to be polite we are indirect. The mirror active indirectness shows someone that we are trying to pay attention to their feelings even if they can see clearly what the direct messages is. But indirect is also preserves the option of denying the potentially offensive intention.

[@dvdspndl]

@@HowCommunicationWorks That's an interesting perspective, many times indirectness used to make someone lose face even more than direct messages, like in sarcasm.