Your Dignity And The Narcissist's Indignance

A favorite theme of Dr. C is the reminder of each individual's inherent dignity. Narcissists, however, can be so consumed with robbing you of self-respect, that you can lose sight of this essential quality. Let's go back to the basics to remember what the narcissist wants you to forget.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@juliesmith8645]

Sometimes I'm mad at myself because I don't have a quick comeback for the narcissist. But now I realize that is just me not resorting to their level of childishness.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Great point. How to stay dignified even when they attack. 🌹

[@chrismarley3536]

Hey, Julie: I've thought the same about myself, lamenting I had no quick comebacks for ANYONE; however, I recently heard it's actually a trademark of a victim of sustained narcissism to have this inability to have that quick comeback. Because I have gotten worse @ fast comebacks after YEARS of narcissistic abuse, I think this is worth recognizing the validity of. If I recollect, it was Kenny Weiss online that I 1st heard about this phenomenon from. He terms it "slow processing".

[@mday3821]

​@Chris Marley I didn't realize that not having a comeback to a narcissist was a thing. Thank you for sharing. I now understand why I couldn't come up with a comeback.

[@merryanneadair4451]

Yep! Those perfect comebacks that you think of an hour or a day too late! Over the years (MANY years & 2 abusive marriages) I've come to believe this is God's way of protecting me from worse treatment & further retribution!!

[@chrismarley3536]

@Merry Anne Adair Me2. Staying perfected in the love of God & seeing & hoping the best ....@ least until I'm out of harm's way (the narcissist). The narcissists I've encountered seem to LIVE TO FIGHT! It's engaging with that character from nursery rhythms: "the tar baby" to even listen to them much more so to speak with them.

[@sanjmalik6282]

The narc rips your dignity and self respect to shreds Now I realise why because they don't have any.

[@duromusabc]

Dignity (self worth) is a threat to the narcissist’s craving for control, power and dominance- along with love , authenticity , vulnerability , humanity, and nuance

[@carefulcarpenter]

Well said! You will be punished for their sin.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hold onto it anyway!

[@nath1284]

Thank you for seeing 🙏

[@mariannethames962]

Simple, but power packed statement (self worth). Says it all in one brief statement

[@rppope1006]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism Amen. Thank you for your education☦️

[@scott5185]

The narcissist will not offer dignity, even when in compliance with what his/her will is for you.

[@xFrozenxSnowx]

The narcissist will nitpick and judge you on anything petty. But when you point out small issues. They will argue with you till you back off, claiming their issue is not of principle and therefore irrelevant.?? The double standard is real.

[@corysmama1]

When dealing with a Narcissist RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. They will not take responsibility for their actions.

[@carefulcarpenter]

"Narcissism is the real pandemic." cc. 👀🐡🌿

[@sthomas4634]

Taking revenge and striking back at those who hurt me made me feel worse about myself. Showing dignity to those who show me little or none has oddly increased my feelings of self worth.

[@rm709]

This is the only way we can continue to withhold our own morals and values while hopefully showing others a similar path. Violence and retribution beget each other, best of luck to you!

[@michaelgoldberg7403]

You have to stay strong but give yourself some grace. It's new to you but old hat patterned behavior to a narc.

[@TheTroutyness]

I never wanted to hurt him to begin with.

[@aaronkwolfe]

G'day Steph. We operate under a code that we'd like to be treated by. It's the right thing to do, so good on ya. I trust your values and treatment of others draw people around you that share your values and reciprocate that treatment right back.

[@catherinepraus8635]

Exactly right always hold on to your grace the little ones are watching every move we make for me anyways 😉

[@kingbee9778]

I think the freeze response occurs in a scapegoat after years of attacks from the narcissist. I appear frozen when I am considering all the ways the narcissist has set up a situation, the response they expect, the different ways they may spin my reaction and the fact they will push for an immediate answer if they sense hesitation.

[@debracoleman1964]

You are so right.

[@francesbernard2445]

I have experienced going through that freezing with a dumfounded look of disbelief often stage for a long time and then while leaving that stage I went through behind I don't always do the healthy pattern of responding to negativity with perfection and whenever that happens I do apologize soon as I can. If my apology then isn't good enough for the narcissist(s) who were looking for supply and so they are saying while exagerating to others what took place that I then don't deserve dignity from them ever again from now on as result then I don't take it personally while maintaining my own straitforwardness and reasonableness in my own quality continuing relationships instead.

[@MB-sg8dx]

These videos have been greatly used to help me begin to heal the last few months… to discover that what I’ve been experiencing for 40 years has a name, and comes from a playbook has been unspeakably validating. Thank you dr C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You’re welcome!

[@ashleyschwartz9550]

Same! It feels great knowing doesn't it? Healing begins where self-blaming ends

[@MB-sg8dx]

@@ashleyschwartz9550 yessssss

[@vettevegas8549]

I watch them from the exercycle. LOL!

[@vettevegas8549]

And I'm on guard for the list of traits in myself and others, everyday setting better boundaries.

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you dr Carter. We need to understand how important it is to protect our dignity and walk away from the abusers who do not have respect for our dignity and humanity. God bless you❤

[@shahadah1451]

Statements to Speak to the Narc (your choice, either silently or out loud): 1. I don't look to you for my dignity. 2. My dignity is an independent matter. 3. I plan to use my healthy reasoning skills. 4. I am standing firm in my belief that I am a person of worth.

[@Zeepjeliefs]

I used to love my narcisstic friend so much, even when she showed me she was not able to respect me that much. Eventually I saw that my friend felt to good for me and teared me down. I am a very soft person who has trouble letting go. It was very painful for me. I learned by wachting your videos to treat myself with more kindness and dignity and to stop pursuing people that make me doubt myself and their love for me. I think showing myself this grace was the best thing you helped me learn, because I can see it helped me rebuild my self esteem and confidence and that I now attract people that are consistently kind towards me. Life has been way easier and also more enjoyable. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

[@joanb8489]

We cannot control these narcissists. We can control ourselves, and as sad as we may think it is; we must walk away from them physically or mentally. They are destructive people who do not think normally. I wish this were not true. But it is true. “When people show us who they are , we need to believe them.”

[@PillowYell4747]

The narcissist loves to manipulate people into that trauma bond. It keeps you walking on eggshells and constantly trying to prove your worthiness. My last manager knew she was doing this and was secure in applying her covert tactics. Needless to say I moved on. Thanks Dr C! You remind me that good people are still out there! 🙂

[@fred.k9875]

If you tell narcissist I have all the respect and civility and dignity for you! They will say don’t use that kind of language in front of me!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You got it, Fred!

[@LiveforHim73]

Yes , got told to not speak psycho talk to him! Or give him a book about toxic families!

[@jamescalhoun4588]

Facts !

[@AA-ct7cb]

They won’t complement you back. Never! Because they have no dignity.

[@RatedArggg]

Sometimes they just respect you when they're in a good mood. And if they're in a bad mood, somehow it's always YOUR fault.

[@paulinerichardson138]

I love the way us lot are making a happy friendly community talking about weather...snow and ice here...and pets. We've had a lovely day at a lake...doing nice things cos why not! Thanks to our narcissist for making us reset our priorities and live life. A little shade make the brightness brighter.. And the good people .. And I'm talking to you guys..are People to really treasure.

[@dorethaervin3332]

Narcissist have a lot of nerves. I'm sure they operate on autopilot. Because the game never changes. I guess the key to dealing with the narcissist is to recognize the game and to shut them down before they get started.

[@AA-ct7cb]

How do you shut them down other than avoiding them?

[@itm4173]

As Dr. C. defines the word 'dignity' & elaborates upon its multiple aspects, I caught the push-back voice snarkily responding, "Treated well?" "Why?" "What makes you so special?"" My therapist would say, "And to whom do you think that voice belongs?" That Narcissistic parent early on embeds deeply into the child. UGH!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay dignified anyway!

[@choosepeacetoday]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism Dignity, Respect, Civility...and throw in some self care has made me a very hard , moving target to the narcissists in my life. Very interesting to watch the dynamics play out. I have experienced many aha moments, which has pushed me closer and closer to my healing. Thank you Dr. C. You have been my game changer.🤗

[@Underachiever_Files]

Sometimes I feel like i'm one myself. And I get confused, because some people really do make me feel inferior, bad about myself, manipulated and then when I try to state my defense, I'm judged as the wrong one, the angry one, the emotionally disregulated, dishonarable, not loyal, passive aggresive. But yeah... no point in trying to defend, they end up building their sense of righteousness even more.

[@joywebster2678]

Don't forget therefore many types of issues we all might have in life. Just because you get tied up in knots or blamed doesn't mean you are a narcissist. Remember they don't think inside, gee Im flawed and I must be a narc. They believe their own lies. Best wishes on your healing journey.

[@Underachiever_Files]

You're really bad at ph1shing, bruh. Hahahha

[@debracoleman1964]

I have gone through the same thing you are. When I tried to defend or explain I was always treated like I was the evil one, I have been raked over the coals for everything they could think of, accused for things that I never would even consider doing, but they turned everything around to suit them. I realized that truth didn't matter to them, they didn't even see me as a person, they had no interest in talking things out as I had no voice, they would rather die than admit that they were the guilty party. To admit to guilt is abhorrent to them. They are still doing same old same old things even though I haven't seen or spoken to them in more than two years. People who used to be my friends, joined forces with the narcissist and when I run into them, they are usually rude and curt if they speak at all. It was very hurtful. But, now, it doesn't hurt as much. I see them for exactly what they are. They are rotten people who will never change, who like what they do. When you can finally look at them and see them clearly, you will realize that you are actually the strong one, you are the normal one. They have to kick us down constantly to feed their nasty ego's, but we just keep getting stronger and they know it before we do. That means that they double down on their attacks. I don't think they are sick, I think they are evil. But that's just my opinion.. Prayer has gotten me through this nightmare. I pray that you attain peace and happiness in your life and can move on to better things.

[@Underachiever_Files]

@@joywebster2678 Yes,that's how i've felt. Nice expression to remember "tied up in knots". Blamed for basic needs every human has. Anyway, i am healing. Thank you for the kind words.

[@Underachiever_Files]

@@debracoleman1964 That happened a lot to me in college. And yes, for some reason they can't own up to their responsibility in a civilised discussion, that is incredibly irritating because it's the first thing I do, own up to my mistakes. They never seem to be able to do that, and worst, they are the ones using mean expressions. Thank you for the kind words, let's have a good week, shall we?

[@Tigers999]

Great lecture, I’ve found that narcissists lose their power when my inner self-talk is compassionate, supportive, friendly and kind-in short to treat my self with “dignity”

[@blabible]

My mum literally said to me in my teens while commenting about something else "you have no dignity". :/ - I'm coming to terms with all this in my adulthood

[@mr.makedonija2627]

Classic projection

[@ia9259]

When I listen to your videos, I realize how unhealthy my environment has been and I don't get how nobody in my family ever told me something similar, I actually get blamed right now and I'm asked to be resilient even though I have destroyed my physical health by always trying to please my narcissistic parent It took me decades to figure this out and I feel this is just the start :)Thank you Dr

[@KoolT]

Hugs. So heartbreaking.

[@ia9259]

@@KoolT Thank you for your kind message

[@yukio_saito]

Sad to hear that, but congratulations on your new start.

[@ResidentEvilReVerseUniverse]

I hope you get better I had a very similar experience

[@bereal6590]

This is the same story for me. Its destroyed my physical health by trying to,please them and my life as a whole BUT not my mental health but it came very close and its how I saw their insidious toxicity. I didnt get why they didnt see it either but now i dont care whether they do or dont, im sick of over explaining myself. This channel I've been with now for well over a year and it's the best there is. Dr. C. Is amazing and the commenters are all part of our team. Many of us here in the same position. It does work as well. My one piece of starting out advise would be to trust the one person they told you not to trust and that's yourself warts and all✌

[@margaretgrace5902]

I lost some of my dignity every time my narc was able to bait me into a fight. I didn’t like what came out of my mouth. He loved being able to then take “moral high ground” and as I later learned, get his fill of supply. I eventually intuitively knew to avoid the bait, shrug and if I could, leave the room, which had its own consequences, but I felt better about myself.

[@lynnfincham6839]

Totally understand. Same. They then say it’s you who have the problems! Adopted same … calmly walk away don’t react don’t take the bait. I just play dumb now

[@ResidentEvilReVerseUniverse]

Your channel is the channel that helps me when I have no one to run to.

[@andreacook6000]

Les, you are a life saver. I absolutely adore what you are saying here and I’m going to do my best to uphold my dignity in the face of others indignity. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I’m still working on your first course but I’m going to do all of them. I’m so incredibly grateful to you🌻🌻🌻💛speaking to you from New Zealand.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much, Andrea. Know that I am honored to be on the path with you. And you being all the way on the other side of the world makes it all the more amazing.

[@richardlandis793]

The narc in my life complains about people being weak, yet she has no desire to listen to what they have to say unless she is in agreement with it. Narcs are users. 😮😮😮

[@jamescalhoun4588]

Facts !

[@kaytiedidd1780]

It took YEARS before I began realizing how badly I had been talked about to my own children. I now realize I have been totally disregarded--which goes beyond disrespected! Disregard is, to me, non-existent. Without Christ, I could not prevail.

[@2009jadeorchid]

we have self respect and true kindness narcs they are stuck in a perpetual toddler mode their needs a always 'first' according to them

[@lorrainem8234]

💯👊

[@2009jadeorchid]

@@lorrainem8234 you can tell them something and it's like this soap opera inside their mind is telling them not to believe you they have a whole secret life inside their mind they made up as a weird protective device all their thinking is subjective they can't understand objective right and wrong

[@lorrainem8234]

@2009jadeorchid Oh, yeah, I'm living it! It's the most messed-up thing I've ever dealt with.

[@2009jadeorchid]

@@lorrainem8234 i'm not really sure how to handle these people they do the word salad and try to tire people i hope you can get out of the situation they don't like the word no or anyone standing up for themselves i had to present to the narc relative it would be good for 'her' if she moved out can't say much about how i really feel about her meanness because she will try to dig in more did you try to leave the situation ? it's hard i told my therapist i can't just force anything hard to be blunt with them then they gaslight when confronted

[@lorrainem8234]

@2009jadeorchid I just don't share anything or talk to the main narc in my life. If I have to say anything, I keep it short and to the point. Healthy communication is impossible with these creatures.

[@Janeou8589]

Thank you Dr C. I feel validated from your definition of dignity and no longer feel I have to continually to explain myself even during a simple conversation in an attempt to be “heard.” You just cleared all the fog out of my head. My mom thinks I have to earn my Dignity.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

Amen to this!!!!! The narcissists I know seem like they want to upset us for no good reason. When we do a kind act they act like we have done something foolish, they do not value our gifts to them. They do not respond positively to kindnesses we show them. Our challenge is to remain kind even when they treat us disrespectfully. I have come to realize that if we are with these people too much we end up becoming like them to preserve our own dignity, which is why I avoid them.

[@MyShapeofmyHeart]

I hope you live 150 years man because you helped me along with all the other people that talk about narcissism you can go to heaven knowing you're doing God's work God bless

[@lobsterbisque7567]

I walked away from my Borderline/Narc as soon as she started with her shaming language. Granted, She was manipulative from the start, and it took me a bit of time before I noticed her tactics & methods in her wordplay which is on me b/c she was very subtle. But once I noticed them, I never saw her the same light ever again. She also had a unique way of playing the victim: She would tell me that b/c she had been surrounded by controlling ppl her whole life incl. her parents, and the last guy she was with before me, she was very sensitive to feeling guilt, so how I spoke to her was paramount. Which led to eggshells on my part. But ironically, she was extremely blunt and forthcoming with me when it came to even her attempts to 'encourage' me. After pushing me away and pulling me back multiple times asking for space, I tolerated her games & at the time being foolish enough to think that she hadn't cheated on me. She wanted to sleep with me right away(the 1st time we were around each other), and to her disappointment, I held my ground and never gave in. She tried shaming me telling me how rejected she felt everytime I refused her. But I still held my ground reminding her that I never saw her as an easy 'score', but rather a dignified person with whom I wanted a lasting, initmate relationship with(at the time, anyway), but when she started with the blatant shaming language, I knew I had worth, and that I deserved better. So I sent her a message that I wasn't going to take her abuse & games anymore by walking away and going no contact. A few wks before I walked, I was learning about narcissism, and other personality disorders. Every source I turned to said the same thing: The narc doesn't see a need to change. so they won't. it also explained why she erupted on me when I tried to encourage her to join a small group bible study to recieve closer accountability as I had done. I'm free of her now, and now she gets to deal with her life alone😆😆😆

[@genxx2724]

I worked with a narcissist mean girl. We are white collar professionals. She is highly skilled at work. Her grandfather, then retired, had once been in charge of the huge department. Most of the women were in her “group”. I was an outsider. I wouldn’t kowtow to her. I’m not interested talking about superficial things like clothes, bags, and manicures, although I’m better looking than any of them. I’m not superficial. I don’t take delight in gossip. She was mean to me and everyone shunned me.

[@shahadah1451]

Dignity. Respect. Civility. People mistreated by indignant others. (oh, yes!). Incident of today with my daughter. Dignity is My Birthright. I told her "This is not about you. This is about your mother and your son, my grandson." She cussed, she raged, she cast aspersions. I DID NOT SINK TO HER LEVEL! I offered dignity, respect, and civility in the face of her craziness and insults (undeserved). And I politely let her know that her abuse would no longer be tolerated, and, further, I let her see after texting her man, that consequences for her would be forthcoming if she did keep up the crap. She texted later. She cannot apologize, but she did change her tune when she perceived that the chickens are really coming home to roost now. I basically gave her these concluding statements, in my own words. Thank you so much! I have grown so much from all your trainings, Dr. C. I am sending you and Gus big hugs this evening! I love the concluding statements. I spoke (texted) so cleanly and dignified also today with the baby's father.

[@sifusubtitles]

It boggles the mind how narcissists conduct in immoral and undignified behaviours but act self righteous to cover it up. They are running away from their own shame but just keep adding to their long list of shameful deeds.

[@mgb7140]

During an argument when I wasn't giving in he yelled, "I deserve more respect than this!" My response was, "So do I." There was a shocked look and he couldn't even understand that concept.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay strong!!

[@mgb7140]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I did! The divorce was in November!

[@kathleensmith8365]

Good advice. So solid. Firm ground to stand on with both feet while the narcissistic winds blow. Did I just suggest the narcissist is full of hot air? I think I did! Toxic hot air.

[@sage9836]

I think I have actually never thought in any depth about the concept of dignity at all. . . and I don't think it is widely discussed. It's essential. I can't wait.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

For sure 🙏

[@barbarabagatin8962]

@Amanda K agree with you but sounds more these women are talking of Pride not of Dignity. The opposite.

[@sage9836]

@@amandak9945 Its so sad that shame can prevent people from getting help.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@barbarabagatin8962 completely agree… the English language breaks down when we don’t know and understand the definition to certain words. Dignity: the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. Pride: CONSCIOUSNESS OF one’s own dignity. Narcissists behave from a state where there is a lack of conscience.

[@joanb8489]

This is very well stated.”I’m a person of worth . And that’s something that YOU or no one else can take away from me”. How sad that the narcissist understands this about themselves but does nut understand it about us. It’s worse than sad. For them it’s a tragedy. At least we know the truth.

[@pattyrooney1323]

I'm 71yrs old the "scapegoat" middle sister. I went no contact with all of them. Yesterday my OH sister called the local police station with some bizarre story about me+ they needed check in on me here in AZ. The policeman said that they blew up dispatch with so many calls. I told him that I moved 2,500 miles away from them. They currently want the property that I own there.. They can't even wait for me to be dead to inherit it. Which they won't now! Go figure.

[@lin0613]

Great video, thank you so much Dr Carter. They don't even stop at dwindling down your dignity, they also copycat. The narc in my life is into the same hobbies the minute i get into them, even if they absolutely had no interest for it before they saw me do it. It doesn't stop there either. Identical decoration, books, clothes, jokes. They will talk about it all as if they themselves discovered it. They will tell my own memories as if it happened to them... When I point it out I'm somehow jealous and they wanted to do that thing anyway. It's so annoying and pitiful at the same time.

[@theresaburke2040]

When the narc devalues me I take inventory of what I have and what I have accomplished. Doing so reinforces my self worth. Sometimes I feel I am a target because I am self confident and a challenge to those who are not. Sad when you realize it.

[@terridillon3053]

My dignity and my integrity is not conditional on what they say/do. Either you OWN that or you don’t. To thine own self be true!

[@itmebby]

Haven’t watched you in some time, considering I’ve watched a multitude of your content.. nearly all disregarding the last couple months, because you have helped me heal that much. to where I don’t need to watch so much anymore. But this one, this one I needed today. I love how God works

[@meanimeconingles]

If I do what my "mother" tells me to then I'm at least seen. If I don't then I'm invisible and she and her husband apply silence to me. Whenever I tell the truth she yells to me "shut up. You lost your dignity".

[@genxx2724]

If you’re a kid, keep your head down until you can move out.

[@lizelliott2169]

You are a fabulous educator on Narcissism! Thank and you sir!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@michellehill718]

DRC: Dignity, Respect, and Civility! 🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸‍♂🤸‍♀🤸

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy

[@bluestar.8938]

Thank you lovely Dr Carter and hello doggie Gus : )

[@akai.christo]

Thank you Dr. C ♥️🙏🔥 Wish you and everybody here more insights and a beautiful weekend!! 💪🙂👍

[@craigmerkey8518]

Really excellent core ideas! I learned with family members who display NPD traits, the only thing that is fixed is painful insecurity. This lack of self manifests the tireless toxic motivation to one-up, and advance regulation through lil ego hits and mitigate their anxiety. The NPD strategy change hour by hour and min by min. It is a sad waste of a human!

[@ecohumanism]

I just don't like lies, injustice, mistreatment of people and especially I don't like double standards / distortion of reality in order to present an evil deed as a boon or something inevitable due to the human's "nature" etc. I mean, for me my indignation comes not from dignity, but from the feeling of injustice. And dignity is when I show a lot of patience in my actions in order to stay along with my values and principles I need to rewatch the video in case I missed something, thank you for promoting good values

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

So beautiful. For me it goes beyond the human condition into all of life, the Planet. And my family and ex get indignant and dominating.....my ex blamed my need for acknowledgement. SMH.

[@nancytwigg4631]

Thank you, Dr. C! I love ya. Being part of your Surviving Narcissism Community and "Team Healthy" has saved my life. Once discarded, with all my dignity robbed, I had no value or work. Watching your videos, morning and night over the last 11 months, literally have saved my life! You've given me ground to regrow my dignity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@sylviacaldwell2139]

DRC works for me.... 3 words only and walk!!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

#TeamHealthy

[@dm3144]

I asked to be treated well my whole relationship with two narcissist my mom and my daughter. I am 66 now and there is no giving me dignity and respect… I am the grandmother of seven children that I cannot see! Thank you Dr. C for another wonderful video 🦋 BTW, is that why I could not give dignity back? Both relationships were very messy and now very broken😢

[@laurac.9322]

I think it is.

[@terencehennegan1439]

Enlightening words spoken.

[@judithgannon5642]

I think it's more than that they don't appreciate your need for dignity, I think they need to take down your dignity.

[@guardyourheartmoments8334]

The two people in a person's life to give a person dignity are the two people who are just not healthy enough to do that. My mother and my husband. Now at 58, I have to learn to stand up for myself and walk with dignity despite what I have experienced essentially my entire life. That is hard. It can be a struggle. It is definitely a "muscle" that needs strengthening every day from now on.

[@ritahorvath8207]

All the best for you ❣ Every tiny little step is movement and progress ❗ 🤍

[@guardyourheartmoments8334]

@@ritahorvath8207 Thank you, Rita for your words of encouragement.

[@lauriedmills7581]

Thank you. Perfect timing for this reminder about dignity. God bless you.

[@cassieory2009]

Amen, Dr. C 🫶

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

I finally had to get a restraining order against my daughter to protect my granddaughter. My granddaughter maintained outstanding dignity in the face of the increasing onslaughts.

[@tinarich6737]

Fantastic well said. Simply put with out technical language. Actions we have to take lol run 🏃‍♂️🤣

[@mariannethames962]

This is such a powerful, helpful video for me that puts into words my mixed up feelings. This is exactly what my mind is trying to tell me. This enables me to carry more peace within, resolute in letting go of questioning myself endlessly when it occurs. Thank you Dr. Carter

[@preparedsurvivalist2245]

Your "dignity"? Do you really think dignity is a component of the calculus a narcissist uses to procure supply? Your dignity, if you choose to believe you possess it, is simply in the way. GIVE SUPPLY. SUBMIT. VALIDATE. SHOW PRAISE. ADMIT DEFEAT.

[@deannemiller891]

Great video and true, but we have to keep in mind that sometimes the toxic person will not listen or even hear us. We have to say those things at the end of this video to ourselves. I dealt with someone recently who would not hear me. He interrupted before I even finished one sentence And talked over me. He did this repeatedly. As long as I was talking, he was talking. When that happens, we have to remind ourselves about our dignity and just move on.

[@user-gl2ps6ui8p]

Thank you so much! 💜

[@a.phillips6892]

💓💓💓Dr. Les, you help so much with your understanding of the situations, and encouragement.

[@paulinerichardson138]

It's difficult to find tha balance between maintaining dignity and not giving in to demands just to make life easier. It feels as if you can be drawn into a tit for tat argument just to achieve a normal level of behaviour from them and to avoid giving into the greedy demands which are detrimental to your self worth and financial health. It can get petty.

[@alyssaleatham8544]

Can you speak on how sometimes the act of setting boundaries can look like narcissism? For example, I struggle with setting boundaries because it appears I am alienating out of spite when in fact I am acting out of necessity i.e. no contact looks like silent treatment. Also, when you say, "I just want to be a beacon of dignity to the person in front of me." , as a parent I felt that deeply. That is beautiful. Thank you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

First, check your intent. Second, remember that narcissists are not emotionally insightful, so when they misinterpret you, consider the source.

[@Alice-fr1ef]

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and Team Healthy from California. Very good video and all is so true of the narcissist. We thank you so much for teaching us how to maintain our dignity and live with peace.

[@lauraselby8403]

your best video yet `` 1- the behavior 2- the problem with that 3- how can I act in the face of that behavior...? TY Dr C

[@KoolT]

Sharing your work with college students at UNC CHAPEL HILL.

[@lukecarey613]

You’re brilliant at explaining that.

[@janclebro6997]

So very well said Dr Carter, thank you! This is the healthy perspective we all need to be reminded of when our self worth is reeling in the wake of manipulation and abuse.

[@amgod40]

I am so grateful for these videos and Dr. C sharing them.

[@sondralee8539]

We require heaps of people that make people laugh in this world.

[@roxymovie3938]

Dignity is a fundamental and essential human condition of worth and value. It means that every human being should be shown respect and honor. It is essential for a healthy pattern of life. Human dignity is inviolable - until a Narcissist enters your life to show you indignance. Multiple presumptions of dignity: 1. You simply want to be treated well 2. The person in front of you also has the need to be treated well 3. Everybody has the desire to be treated with respect 4. To be treated well is uplifting 5. When you treat other people with respect, you feel humbled 6. To treat the other well, shows the other person, "You matter!" 7. Maintaining and offering dignity is showing a healthy way of life 8. Dignity can still be maintaining in differences 9. Dignity is not competitive nor a sliding scale 10. Every person wants to be seen & heard What happens when a Narcissist shows up and enters your life? The mindset of Narcissists is the opposite: ~ "I deserve dignity, but you don't!" ~ "You get dignity only as you conform!" ~ "Dignity is lost when you do not conform!" ~ "I have little need to reinforce your dignity!" ~ "My dignity for you is conditional: when you do not give me supply that I need, I will react upon you with anger and contempt!" How can you respond to a Narcissist to stay/get healthy? 1. "Your lack of dignity shows me your inner pain. I feel sorry for you but you do not get to declare if I have dignity!" 2. "My dignity is seperate from my mistakes." 3. "I refuse to plead my case to you." 4. "My dignity is an independent matter." 5. "I will have assertiveness and boundaries, because I believe in me." 6. "I will not accept your definition of who I should be!" 7. "I am a person of worth and nobody can take that away!!!" Amen 🙏 Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶, thank you for another insightful lesson 🌞🌟

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great notes, Roxy!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you so much, Dr Carter! 🌟 By the way, I had to smile seeing 🐶 sleeping half on his blanket this time 😉 Our cat 🐱 always reminds me a bit of Gus, also a very decent and trustworthy animal but with its own head where to sleep.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Well put 👏 These are definitely notes to keep 👍 Hope you are well. Take care ✌ 🕯 🙏 🙂 💕

[@roxymovie3938]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you, Amanda. That's very kind of you 🤗 Hope the little plant is growing well to the sun 🌞 and is getting stronger day by day 🌿. Surprisingly today my daughter started a discussion about dignity, although she did not know that I watched this video about the same topic 😉 Take care as well 💛 and with your sons 💏

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@roxymovie3938 You're welcome 😊 Plant is thriving thanks. What a heart warming ♥ account of your daughters observations. Just shows, you must be doing something right 👍 Take care 🙏

[@Butterfly-if1qs]

Another bottomline video by Dr. C. thank you so much Doctor Carter for helping to clear our heads of the lies which we took as truth, namely our inherent value. When dealued for long enough, a brain gets cloudy on what is the truth and what is a lie. Thank you for your loving care which brings these videos to us! I love you Dr. Carter for who you are! Wishing you the best always.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're kind for saying this. Thank you.

[@aaronkwolfe]

The triad of opposites: Dignity, Respect, Civility vs. Indignant Disrespect, Incivility. Be the difference. Make a difference.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're on it, Aaron!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Well said 👏

[@aaronkwolfe]

Will likely catch this one later, as an IRL commitment will preempt. I do have a joke preloaded. I'll wish a g'day all y'all now....

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@aaronkwolfe Ah g'day Aaron. You'll be missed in person but I know you're with us anyway. And I'll look forward to your joke. You're so conscientious...that's a long word for me lol 🤣 Take care 🙏🤗✌

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@amandaliverpool3374 I use the word “intentional.” So do my friends IRL. Lol.

[@rajnigulati2876]

You are such a blessing. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@markjayw666]

“Prove your dignity” yup! My wife would say I know the bible says I am supposed to respect my husband, but since you are not “perfect” I don’t need to respect you. There is only one perfect being, Jesus Christ, so I never felt respected. Hence why I filed divorce. It was an effort in futility. Maybe one day Jesus will come back and she can marry him lol.

[@genxx2724]

We are imperfect beings, duking it out for survival in an evil world.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

We show a dignified approach, yet they are indignant about it 🙃🙄

[@LindaLouise625]

I've been accused of trying to ""make them look bad"" .. lol . as if we need to put any effort to that lol

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@LindaLouise625 Spot on 👍

[@grammamellow1219]

Yep.

[@carefulcarpenter]

Agree. Asking for roommates and landlord to respect that my wife gets up at 3 am to get ready for work. Ask for respect and get none. The landlord's response to younger inconsiderate roomates who have frequent parties that are noisy from 8 pm to 3 am--- wear earplugs. 🤐 Dr Carter nailed it--- narcissists will devalue your needs.

[@sthomas4634]

That is so true!

[@KalleenHa]

I Love this! I’ve always believed that dignity is given because YOU are a good person. TRUST, on the other hand, needs to be earned. You can still be civil, and not trust. To me, that’s maturity.

[@cp9023]

Thank you for your advice. I'm dealing with a family situation where my dignity has little meaning. This strikes at the core of the problem. As always, you bring me insight when I feel lost.

[@GrantOakes]

For the Narcissists in my life I plan on doing what you said to do in one of your videos where you put it very succinctly, "whatever" and then walk away! My dealings with those persons is over, unless I see evidence of a fundamental change and an acknowledgement of their wrong behavior towards me.

[@catherinepraus8635]

Morning Dr.C appreciate you much love to everyone today

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Catherine!!

[@cBe9999]

Man, this video makes so much sense... Narcs are the way they are because their parents didn't give them unconditional love. So they seek to gain that sense of 'OKness', but don't know HOW to get it. So they make the mistake of thinking OKness is based upon a specific standard. They also maintain the suppressed (authentic) anger relating their parents' failure - they don't know how to express that anger authentically so instead they project INAUTHENTIC anger at people who don't meet their constructed, conditional idea of what it means to be 'OK'. Hence the expectation for others to meet THEIR standards for respect.

[@evelynwells-rk1ed]

Hope everyone has a happy year!

[@ariharding8177]

I have been in a relationship with a narsasist for 19 years I have had depression an lack of self worth an blaming myself until I came across this man an realized my partner is a narsasist an it's not me it's him 💔 thank you for you videos LITERALLY saved my life!!!!

[@CW0123]

My adoptive “mother” divorced her husband while I was an adult. He remarried no problem, she has been dating on and off for years with other crazy narc men. She also is showing memory problems be it dementia which is in her family or her chronic alcohol & weed addiction. She said she only drinks and smokes because I stress her out I told her that’s a lie since the first thing she wanted to do when visiting me in a green state was hit the bars and then hit a dispensary. She said “well that was when it was for fun!”

[@angelamwatts]

I have come to accept it for what it is. What I do is just say ok, I'm leaving. I don't argue with the narcissist, I don't try to reason with a narcissist, I just end the discussion with ok or whatever because you'll never come to a fair, amicable solution. How can it when they don't live in reality 🤦‍♀️

[@davidparker5439]

This morning I went shopping . and got some food in . because I am going to a funeral early the next . It is the first time she as said something to me mouth , which was you never got any thing for me. I just said try opening your mouth , and would have got . And of course muttering under breath . All I got was some food supply.. you are right what ever I say will be wrong

[@pamchesler242]

One other thought is that we all would like to be treated with dignity and respect, but you don’t seek that from outside of yourself you treat yourself by dignity and respect by placing up the boundaries and each and every time those boundaries are not respected or the other person becomes combative simply because there are boundaries in place I truly become non-reactive. I’ve reached a point where I know exactly what it is. I’m dealing with. It does stink that you have to deal with this but this is a challenge that happens almost everywhere… and the only way to preserve your dignity and respect is to completely understand what you’re dealing with and be completely non-reactive. You conserve your energy for yourself and I can’t say it enough but through my own experience, it really empowers you you reach level were you know exactly your own self worth and you don’t see it anywhere else but within yourself

[@pamchesler242]

@SurvivingNarcissism. no thanks…I don’t believe this is Dr Les Carter..👎👎👎💯💯💯

[@vladimiraofficial]

I love you. Thank you for all that you do. 🙏🏻

[@mthomas3547]

Thank you, Dr Craig! I'm sure many of us feel better just hearing you talk about our dignity and why it matters! Although I haven't outwardly said this to my narcissistic person, I have thought it. I've heard them talk down about others and they do that quite frequently, so when they start doing it to me, I realize that their perception of others, including me is off base. They're not qualified to define someone's lack of dignity, since all they do is condemn it. Anyway....great video and I'm saving this one. :D

[@joanhudkins3623]

I wish I had a dog like Gus. Loooove Gus.

[@donnabatchelor4260]

The person I've been dealing with says good things about me to his friends, but consistently tells me what is wrong with me. I don't understand that behavior. Bragging to friends to feel better than?

[@mandycote5662]

Quite the opposite isn’t it it’s like a coin- 2 different sides- yet - it STILL represents the same amount of worth- NO matter what side you’re on 🧐

[@mandycote5662]

Jesus Christ👑 did die for ALL ♥️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@@mandycote5662 My Nan had a saying, nobody's perfect. But, there was ONE perfect person and mankind crucified HIM years ago!

[@mandycote5662]

Perfect means complete No person outside of Jesus Christ is complete and when one is the purpose is to become perfect Christ is returning for a Bride without spot/ sin- wrinkle/ idolatry- spiritual adultery or ANY such thing God has the rest intentionally written down