Your Mom's House Podcast - Ep. 581

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YOU'RE JUST IT! Tom Segura and Christina P start off this episode of Your Mom's House by discussing the masseuse that struggled to pronounce the name "Segura." They move on to talk about Paulina Porizkova, ugly shoes, Jeff Bezos's girlfriend, the recent YMH Studios photoshoot, and Tom announces that he's running for president. Jean and Jean watch videos of a cool brick challenge, a dude who is furious about an orange lighter, a guy on TikTok who is mad at Joe Rogan, a phallic trophy ceremony, a mommy's impression of Christina, some of CP's TikTok curations, and much more!
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[@bgold9]

Tom's injury is a reminder to always live life 365

[@TonerLow]

😂

[@Mordecai9052]

He wasnt 365 THAT day.

[@Swithyyyy]

Writing a check to the hospital... LiveLife365

[@boxie13]

I better eat some fresh vegetables *opens freezer*

[@Dabro1010]

Burt was living more 365 that day

[@justinmuse7095]

Hope they recorded the injury so Tom can laugh at himself getting hurt.

[@ashlayydee04]

They said on twitter it was filmed 🤣💀

[@moosifermayhem7965]

A Hundred Percent!

[@JoshuaMichael1122]

@@moosifermayhem7965 uh hundred

[@dabs4lyfe420]

I was thinking the same thing, an I bet he tried to get them to record the surgery

[@SouthernOregonOrgani]

Hahahahaha this is too good

[@kevinl3254]

Tom: “I’m going to die soon, well not next week” Also Tom: Dies next week

[@TheWhiels]

I dont actually think Tom got hurt playing basketball, I think that Asian mechanic tracked Tom down and ran him over.

[@HaroldP]

Ba Ku La!!

[@daniellepiana]

Haha that’s great! The sounds Tom made were just as if not more hilarious than the mechanic’s screams.

[@zcorrupter9415]

RIP TOMMY, you didnt follow proto bud, now you’re dead

[@michaelgiancursio5092]

@@shirleysonsproductions6187 He lost his life!

[@zcorrupter9415]

@@shirleysonsproductions6187 you’re a cool guy aren’t u

[@knightmech5324]

He’s done bud

[@EljaeHD]

@@michaelgiancursio5092 live life 365

[@MilitantAtheist2393]

D'you just threaten his fuckin life?

[@donwilson5535]

Please tell me Tom yelled out "I'M HAVING CHEST PAINS" as he got injured. Seriously though, speedy recovery Tim, we wish you to the family

[@hombretropical3028]

Just got tested positive for COVID and am feeling pretty crappy. Thank god I have my mommies to see me through!!

[@andrestein6022]

Christina's monotone pitch for LIQUIDIV was a real selling point

[@MrLittleBigMan97]

Now that Tom is dead, Christina and the King of Queens over 18 can finally be together.

[@ClimptonDiddlehopper]

Her former lover Theo Von offed Todd using the assassin know as the MUHSHEEN. If they are poc Burnt Kkkrysler will do the job for free.

[@Bombdizzle]

They can just have fun with it

[@VideoNozoki]

@@ClimptonDiddlehopper : Theo Von usin' them Dark Arts

[@RypticVODS]

King of Queens 18+ that's hilarious

[@oblivion8819]

He'll have to fight Dr. Drew for her

[@MrFrostieBalls]

Oh damn, this is REAL old. They’re still calling The Josh Potter Show “The Roach Motel”.

[@Shovelshuffle]

so much for "evergreen" lol it's the holidays though. give them a break, but yeah no big whoops

[@dannystix1993]

I hear the women crying from here

[@joshuahusband597]

Oh my god it's like a whole week and a half old. That's soooooo long ago. Omg

[@reinders82]

Tom's "accident" is gonna have real repercussions on how they shoot YMH weeks ahead.... why they were doing this in the first place, it doesn't really help the end product

[@NaruBrilu]

@@joshuahusband597 i dont wanna be pedantic but its been like almost a month. 3 weeks minimum

[@kolesteele4242]

Hey Tom & Christina, as a Canadian I can let you know that at the End of traditional throat singing the two participants actually laugh together most often.

[@TreR90]

Tom, I'm from the future with an important message about an upcoming basketball game with Bert. Don't worry about stretching or anything, it'll be an easy game. Have fun!

[@MrKyrsp33dy]

I'm guessing Todd asked Brent to sit on him so he could get some sleepy juice at the hospital.

[@JimLahey1234]

Really wanted that built in morphine

[@fukuuu]

He really has been in the hospital a lot since he mentioned that. lol

[@TB-ms9xl]

Tom “Just put me out” Segura

[@dublj57]

Typical drug seeking behavior. Was tweeting to the world how great Dilaudid is

[@chillinwithvillain1081]

No shit lmao oh the irony !

[@Aaron-hi9vp]

Im guessing Bert found out Tom is Hispanic and went back to his old ways

[@eh2643]

Lmaooooooooo

[@MrKyrsp33dy]

Ever since Brent stopped drinking gallons of kool-aid a day he's been very angry.

[@mikebrennan5923]

Then Bert stood over him screaming, “Ohhh Whites Ohhh!”

[@MrKyrsp33dy]

@@mikebrennan5923 uhhhh 100%

[@gregoryturner9530]

"Fight fight black vs brown, if white dont win, break all his left side!"

[@lauren6860]

The zip line guy didn’t have a trolley (the thing that actually sits on the line and has wheels)...he just used a carabiner.

[@DrzSMrider]

It’s not a zip line and they guy is a parachuter there’s a full version of the video

[@lauren6860]

@@DrzSMrider oh what is he on then?

[@DrzSMrider]

@@lauren6860 I just don’t think a zip line would have random stuff hanging from hit like the thing he ran into. I could be wrong though. I’m thinking like a decommissioned trolley car cable or something.

[@lauren6860]

@@DrzSMrider That’s a good point jeans. I guess we will never know! 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@daniellepiana]

@@DrzSMrider do you have a link for the full video by any chance?

[@Name-fx4fh]

Tom: they can’t run it’s a fun joke Tom now: uh oh

[@brettsullivan8217]

I thought that was ironic too jeans. Try it out.

[@TalkingThrones]

Tom has to accept that Bert really does have the Mickey Mantle gene. He kicked his ass in tennis, and now he completely broke him in basketball. Let it go, Tommy Bunz... Love ya. Lol

[@DNYGdj]

Tummy forgot he was a 40 year old overweight white man

[@alexanderjeromewhite2380]

I dont think they were playing each other when it happened

[@MrKyrsp33dy]

I refuse to believe Todd died because Brent beat him at basketball and didn't just sit on him.

[@rancidrylan5460]

He probably tried to dunk on a trampoline

[@fishyfishman7090]

Tom got switched up and broke his ankle bart for the win

[@Mordecai9052]

"Old lady, you are really good at this!" *Old lady removes mask, revealing Steven Segal*: "I've been handling sausage for 52 years"

[@MrBlackLenses]

Thought the same exact thing lmaoo “You can rub it, like that”

[@everyvillainislemons7583]

@@MrBlackLenses I like havartti cheese what’s your favorite

[@kingcaleb21]

@@MrBlackLenses “I call this move the Squishy” “squish squish squish squish”

[@Hallahanify]

I am the king of improv if you dont mind me saying

[@timbrawdy2249]

This is amazing!

[@manchild1111111]

There’s nothing that makes me as happy as hearing Josh’s intro

[@benjamundson44]

The sincerity in natives voice when he said he didn't know how or who hurt him made me laugh so hard.

[@habowtat3576]

Sooo glad we're getting solo mommies this month. Making us feel like we're the only one

[@miguelalfaro8201]

Show me that u love me

[@rossetter435]

Like we're the only ones in their lives. We're just it.

[@DrZbo]

The only podcast for me

[@eagleeye5719]

Neat stuff

[@kylervercelli2142]

We're just "it"

[@hv_fp8372]

Are they going to acknowledge Christina's testimony at Giuliani's election hearing? People are saying she was drunk, tell us the truth!

[@williamshort8084]

Clever, sir. Very clever. That is why your comment won't get too many likes!😉

[@nicholasdau3690]

Lol this episode was filmed late october/early November. Waaayyyy before that happened

[@hv_fp8372]

@@nicholasdau3690 Sure, but it's still the first episode to come out since the hearing, so what does it matter when it was filmed? In any case it was a joke, so no biggie.

[@flyboymcgee8059]

Goddamn it! Hahaha

[@ajfiveohfour]

52:56 😂 Tim’s face when Christian says, “it looks delicious!”

[@sambrower4237]

The plant leg guy is pretty popular in Criminal Justice classes actually, they show his previous non plant leg videos in classes as moral dilemma examples

[@SeanKH19]

He killed his girlfriend. What the fuck is the dilemma?

[@rhodus333]

I'm taking a benadryl every time an ad pops up during this episode. Already up to 10-12

[@jendelreavis358]

Just wait til the spiders start coming out of the walls

[@erikds6338]

Just call him “10 Benadryl Tom”

[@codyyounger9737]

You should purchase a manscaper

[@shakeweighter4939]

One time I was tripping on benadryl when I was like fifteen, and I saw a pregnant mouse crawling around in a plastic grocery sack on our kitchen counter. I ran and got my mom and we opened up the sack together. It was a f***ing cucumber...

[@VanGTO49]

If tommy bunz doesn’t get his scrum licked after this.....it’s never gunna happen and mommy isn’t a ride or die

[@MasterVycen]

I love how loud all the videos are this ep. Really sounds great during my crazy commute to work...

[@ojeda5577]

I went to the hospital to visit Tom. He was in room 365. He only lives life to the fullest

[@zace98]

I'm guessing the basketball story is just a cover up and Garth finally got his revenge for what the mommies have done to his comment section.

[@bebopBiGsHoT]

My achy breaky heart , your achy breaky arm..

[@daledodge40]

@@bebopBiGsHoT that's Billy Ray.... Hanna Montana's Daddy

[@FoButter]

@@daledodge40 not if Garth had it his way

[@reignmangaming5680]

Garths Social Media Career is over

[@evanabbott2737]

“Please tell us where our children are buried, Garth!”🤣

[@noahmarchais804]

we need a YMH signature mattress called the "above 18 Queen Bed"

[@baker3423]

"empty balls make safer halls" - Schulz's idea to prevent school shootings

[@lokomike2911]

Its true..anger issues usually come from not getting laid especially women.

[@mftoeless1687]

@@lokomike2911 I fuck and I am still mad

[@FFRpie4thewin]

Can we isolate Christina saying "C'mere, getchur nuts kicked"

[@Mike-om4tv]

I wanna see tom broken, I've been edging since I've heard the news.

[@xannas.9207]

Crying

[@MrKyrsp33dy]

You think Brent will go to the hospital to finish the job?

[@RobinLundqvist]

you're gonna be stuck edging for a long while brother

[@Mike-om4tv]

@@MrKyrsp33dy Hope he puts drugs into toms IV.

[@tron39z]

@@Mike-om4tv koolaid*

[@vonmjau]

I’m a queen, I’m over 18, and now I’m having a really great day!

[@howbizarro1215]

Make sure you have a hot breakfast

[@ClimptonDiddlehopper]

Age not dress size...

[@boxie13]

@@ClimptonDiddlehopper welcome to the cacaca COOL GUY CLUB! *guitar riff*

[@alexe4264]

Have fun with it

[@Bombdizzle]

Did ya sleep good? I slept good

[@contentcop]

As someone who heats their home by only wood burning stoves, that kiln dried hard wood trailer turned me into a telescope.

[@bradjones06]

That is no zip line. How he didn’t roast thru that carabiner!

[@brjohnboy307]

39:48 "The Shaolin and the Wu-Tang could be dangerous." Underrated Wu-Tang fanboy quote from Todd there lmao!

[@williamshort8084]

It was pretty awesome. Bring da Ruckus

[@tacobob123411]

I reference this and say it the exact way Tom did all the time it warmed my heart to see him do it too

[@thomaskaley70]

I guess Nadav is slacking with Tom's injury. Where the hell is the ad free episode?

[@johnqpublic2718]

Nut-dav i googalin

[@nickackley8555]

Crystal is a single mother now. She's needs the money.

[@Grant-TR]

They really need to make a playlist

[@TArnold821]

fo real doe, i paid good money to never hear christina talk about best fiends ever again

[@OHWISEONE1996]

48:20 the screaming on the bus made me cry laughing

[@crowevurt]

the REAL Tom who shows himself at 1:39:20 never fails to deliver. almost pissed myself laughing

[@nickmedina6776]

Josh Potter is actually a progressive rock god. I’m trying to figure out what insane time signature his intro is in

[@johncopeland217]

His polyrhythms are next level. King giz should get him to replace their 2nd drummer!

[@mjm5081]

19/4

[@mattm4156]

@@johncopeland217 as long as he gets bass drum privileges

[@420sexycripple]

....he looks like a Korn fan ..but like a current one ewww

[@NaturalL0G]

Ta ta there Tocked Tommy. Gonna be a kicky foot now.

[@kieran8720]

Lold hard at this one haha

[@NaturalL0G]

Live life 365.

[@drewwilliamson6443]

For those of you who haven’t seen the full video the guy on the zip line ends up detaching himself and parachuting down - pretty cool guy

[@DrzSMrider]

Waiting for someone to say this.

[@mackenziejohnson1075]

How have the Mommies not talked about how the “Perfect Ass” guy looks like Bert if he were bald

[@andrewbreen4184]

The only thing getting me through the end of this year is to see the video of Tom breaking all bones in his body. Keep it high and tight.

[@jacobmcdonaldmusic1802]

Tom may be the Water Champ, but he’s definitely not the Calcium Champ.

[@NR14giraffe]

I’m the manager for the home theater department at a best-buy in Wisconsin and I completely support Tim. I been lobbying for porn on our tv’s for years

[@wormemc]

Bus segment had me crying in 5 seconds. 😂

[@mollib3741]

Christina interrupts Tom almost as much as Bert does... I can’t wait to see these old people banging on the next live show!

[@nicholasdau3690]

That and the psycho-babble stuff really puts me off

[@kendigjl]

My favorite dynamic is when Tom tries to make Christina jealous but then she's completely unflappable.

[@mermaidrocksoapcompany6540]

Mommy was and is a big time hottie. Tommy married hotter, but he's hotter older! Hot mommies.

[@prremix86]

Her ta-ta’s are pretty flappable

[@plurry]

1:08:25 - Sounds a lot like Edith singing a line from "All in the Family" theme.

[@jamesbetza2900]

That shark tank bit with the old lady and the outside rub needs to be on one of their stand-up specials, I laughed so hard

[@MrEddieman101]

GOOD MORNING MY QUEENS ABOVE 18!

[@craigbrinkman1814]

I love how Chrstine just blames not understanding people as they are from the East Coast.

[@flex_piper]

Hey buddy! Hope you're healing up and feeling better soon.

[@frankrizzo2949]

Seguras funniest line " yeah, go ahead and go down there, but dont face me"

[@ReadySteadyDESTROY]

RIP Tommy Bunz, may you keep feathering it forever in the great car warsh of the sky with your fave, Fedsmoker

[@LooterLoser]

Don’t worry Tom, life always give you a second chance, it’s called “tomorrow”. That’s the oldschool way, take it ease!

[@smashin]

Can't wait for them to roll Tom in like he is Stephen Hawking next time.

[@CollinSalvatore]

Glad to see todd and Charlotte keeping it high and tight even with all their nerve pain.

[@wombattabmow4529]

Do not fret mommies. Remember the wisdom of Joel Osteen: "You can change your world by changing your words… Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue."

[@divine1k]

Use the tongue to eat that scrum

[@Em91s]

wheelchair joke's on you, Tommy

[@RG-tm7uq]

Dang this episode is from at least 3 weeks ago!

[@mjm5081]

"Her body seems a little in between...somethin'" 😂

[@buddywaffles2]

Watching at the Falcon Car Wash while getting some dental work done.

[@boxie13]

Falcon Car Wash. You pull in, they pull out!

[@trentb1048]

You can even drive yourself home after the procedure no anesthesia needed! And what a price too!

[@sarahmcdevitt6000]

Some broad: i'M a MoDeL Tom: Are you?? For who?! The vet? 👏🤣😂👏

[@elifarmer3815]

That Josh Potter intro helped me get through a nuclear shit. Thanks mommies

[@irok_gaming]

Is no one gonna address the fact that Christina looks terrified when she drink water.. She is scared of water!! Look at her face when she goes to drink.. and she is shaking.. This is not good. Tom is defiantly the water champ! (someone should do a superclip of push drinking water)

[@EpicenterArtShop]

I always notice this and think she should begin facing the camera when she drinks.

[@tscarable]

Timmy is addicted to the snooze booze. You didn't follow proto buddy yirr done.

[@UselessOpinion]

Bert destroyed him on both the tennis and basketball court. The germanic chad vs the virgin mestizo.

[@Em91s]

He sure did. It was so unexpected. Tom is such a delicate flower. A chommo one might dare to say.

[@Swithyyyy]

It’s those Mickey Mantle genes Jeans

[@DNYGdj]

LMAO tummy forgot he was a 40 year old overweight half breed

[@ssheeessh]

@@Em91s When did they start calling things chomos lol.. Literally means child molester so even for ymh slang I'm uneasy

[@Stbuster31]

@@ssheeessh that's the point

[@AnComJohnny]

Nothin makes me smile like Ed asner references... the throwback is much appreciated, I need this content today. Thank you for your service mommies, get well soon Tommy

[@boldbileg]

1:54:00 Nadaav: "They have very annoying laughs" Everyone: "Yeah......THEY do"

[@brandenloss2984]

Absolutely love the random Josh Potter intro!

[@scothoneycutt9156]

Cant waaaaait to here the 1st comeback outburst of laughter on 2 bears when T bunz says we gotta stop laughin my ribs hurt we're gonna die... Koolaid for the win again

[@syd1848]

1:59:24 Christina’s reaction to Tom fantasizing about the woman crashing into the girls LMAOO

[@marvinsmith6848]

The mommies graced us with the greatest intro song ever created. Tony being hurt is the gift that keeps on giving.

[@angelwuey]

RIP TOM

[@BADASSMANDO]

RIP Tom Segura, miss you big man

[@TB-ms9xl]

Christine sees a perfect man and todd ends up in the hospital from a basketball injury soon after? Sounds like the perfect cover story for Tina to go full garth with. I feel like we need tim to come out and dispell the conspiracies that christy is looking for that sweet nre as she is sick of teds years of cackling at death and dismemberment! Travis i wish you a speedy recovery.

[@CenturionLogan]

I pray to God they recorded Tom Breaking his leg. I want to see Tom react to it and laugh like a maniac.

[@katarinakosovac6012]

"I just don't want to be in an accident right now" said Tom from a few weeks ago. Okay.

[@craiglandry2032]

R.i.p Tim, anyway I can help you get through this Christine just let me eat ya baby I can be your new king. You bet I'm coming up in May.

[@PrincessRose15]

Plot twist: Garth paid Burnt Crystals to break Tom's bones

[@fisty539]

or nadav

[@PrincessRose15]

@@fisty539 you know they don't pay Nadav enough for that.

[@Bombdizzle]

That's what he gets for shitting on copyright

[@CodyHeredia]

Imagine if Bert ended up killing Tom in the incident and to honor him, replaced him as the co-host of YMH. This would be the darkest timeline of all.

[@ajfiveohfour]

Bert and Christina already have so much in common.

[@timmyneutron7411]

Hoping for a speedy recovery Tim! As the hugely popular saying goes, we wish you to the family!!

[@roryalexanderm]

How does Crystal feel now being married to a cyborg?

[@aprilg4116]

The world needs more captain marcel. Please get her for the live show

[@cizag77]

The headspace ad followed by the lighter guy had me rollin. My mommy meditation time always gets messed up when I get an orange lighter too.

[@thebenforever]

"Waddya model? Gloves?" - Joe Pesci. Snickers commercial.

[@samuelmills4431]

Average looking models and Birkenstocks, they are slamming Leanne this episode. I guess it's why Bert went so hard in the paint

[@oo1014]

Leeann is a goddess.

[@billyfetter4410]

who else rejoiced when the josh potter intro started?! 👖 👖👖

[@tattootommy]

I love how they called it the Josh Potter acoustic version lol

[@calebsnell5273]

Steven Sagal: I've been rubbing people down for like 867 years.

[@Steveuploads]

Thumbs up if Christina should do a Center Fold spread ?

[@SkyG760]

Should have done one from the hospital, EPIC YMH HOSPITAL EDITION

[@christiansimpson471]

The Josh Potter intro 👌🏼

[@kellycaaws]

I love how hard tom is pushing Josh that's sweet. Josh deserves it.

[@a.b3748]

Ass report guy is legit terrifying

[@jordanwitsken8660]

I thought tom hurt himself shooting Stories From the Road: Testing the Roll Cage of a 2013 Toyota Prius

[@RampagesFTW]

I want to floss my teeth with Toms stitches.

[@Wogunder66]

Thats the spirit.

[@jhski9275]

*Things that sound illegal but probably aren't*

[@Thardunkichud]

Reminds my of my father.

[@ToneLone69]

2:11:00 y’all gotta see the full video of that zip line mishap, his buddy comes in right behind him, he manages to unstrap from the board he is sitting on, then he hangs upside down from his legs and back flips off of the zip line... thank god he had a parachute😂☮️

[@steezemilkshake]

omg toms falic symbol impression was incredibly accurate WOW amazing