How We Navigate Family Conflict

[@patvangordon1888]

Tori, You are beyond fortunate to have a husband who shares his heart and mind with you. As women, we have a tendency to overthink. As a 68 year old I would recommend listening well to your husband's point of view. Even if it stings, understand he adores and loves you and your children.

[@patjones5723]

Absolutely 💯

[@juliahawthorn3122]

So true

[@michellereneetruthseeker9339]

I just SPLIT ...with my husband of 23 years and 6 kids whom DID NOT COMMUNICATE at all.. was so shut in all ways.. I love zack ... I love how much he does for you ,kids and house.. Noone is perfect. but he's better then millions out here ... many complain you Cut each other off all the time.But to me, it looks like you're just communicating and talking.... witch I never got.... :( I think you guys are doing great... I love you both...❤❤❤ Always lead with love...❤❤❤❤

[@sandramiller6687]

My 2 boys are almost 4 years apart. My oldest always fought with his younger brother and I was so worried that they would hate each other when they got older. We were at a family trip in Europe and staying with family that didn't speak English and these 2 boys stuck together like glue and my oldest became very protective of his younger brother. Fast forward to today. at 18 and 22 they LOVE each other and LOVE spending time with each other and miss each other since one is at college etc. It's amazing this beautiful bond they have created. They still get on each others nerves BUT there is no doubt they are great friends.

[@mrsgier23]

The fact that you two are self aware to have this convo just shows that you’re wonderful parents! Keep loving those babies hard and fighting for them in prayer and they will thank you for it later 🙏🏻🤍

[@longislandwife]

You know you guys are an amazing couple because of the way you talk back and forth to one another. Great connection and love to see.

[@SusieA-u6t]

I just LOVE Zach. He talks SO well and EDUCATED! He seems to think clearly before he speaks. You are so Blessed to have him. ❤️

[@PaulaSivetts]

hes such a dude!! i love that !we need more of Zach in the world!!!

[@pamswafford9994]

Tori I think as a mom when I was your age I felt the same way. We moms try so hard to be perfect for our children. Being perfect isn’t possible. I wish I had known that when raising my kids. You are an amazing mom and fights and mess will happen and sometimes it’s ugly. You’re teaching them who they are in Christ and that’s the most important thing. Y’all are amazing parents❤️

[@monicaoverstreet6219]

Don’t sweat it Tori; my brother and I used to fight all the time as kids, especially when we were teens. I actually really did not like him when we were teenagers lol. We have been best friends for years now. It will be fine. Just keep building family memories together and they will have plenty to talk about when they are older.

[@yesitry7137]

I can relate so much to Tori’s comment with being offended when people don’t show up for your young kid!

[@tonyagunter3672]

And the quickest way to get me to care for you is to show up and love my kids regardless of our differences!

[@robinleavine7178]

I love listening to them talk about themselves and their family. It's not edited by producers. It's them in the raw. ❤🥰❤️😍💯🤗❣️🎉

[@aaskeleton]

57:44 57:48 57:48 57:49 57:49 57:49 57:58 58:00 58:01 58:01 58:01 58:01 58:01 58:02 58:04 58:06

[@merandajames5361]

I firmly believe yall have such a great grasp on all of this because the lord is very present in your family and homes

[@litbugv2438]

Tori, no one is beating up on you. If anything, you are beating up on yourself. Please let Zach talk and finish what he has to say, you really cut him off alot, if you dont like to be cut off as you made a big stink about it in the beginning of the episode then show the same respect and not cut Zach off.

[@TeresaCatherine-wi9co]

Exactly my sentiment. Tori we love you...just a piece of advice.

[@volnh]

Just coming here to say the same thing, but you said it better. I couldn't believe her reaction to Zach interrupting when he honestly seldom gets a full thought out. The one thing that drives me nuts.

[@darlenemateri6521]

I think sometimes people do it without realizing that they are doing it. I have done it to people without realizing that I was talking over them. I did this to my brother-in-law and it really upsets him when I do it. He struggles with words due to a brain injury from a vehicle accident in his teen years. So his words come out slower. I have to be more respectful towards him and not do things like talking over him and be more patient with him.

[@eileentrombly1073]

The best thing you’re doing is communicating about how you’re parenting. Keep talking!!!

[@judyl601]

Thank you so much for opening up, I know it must be hard to share some things on a public platform but it really is relatable and was just what I needed to hear right now! Much love to you and your beautiful family ❤

[@sallymarkay3210]

Zach has such a wonderful way of thinking about, and approaching, parenting. Tori you need to relax and not over think everything. As a team, you two are the best!!

[@anne-mariezack]

Why does Tori need to relax?

[@sallymarkay3210]

@@anne-mariezack I think sometimes she get in her head and worries too much. I'm not dissing her...not at all.....I hate thinking she's stressing for nothing.

[@PrettyNpetty86]

Truly love listening to raising heights.

[@Summer55Nicole]

Can I just say how funny all of Zach’s little sayings are 😂 totally reminds me of Amy lol

[@missmindyourbusiness3975]

Don’t say little 😂

[@Summer55Nicole]

@@missmindyourbusiness3975 opppp my bad didn’t even think of that!

[@iluvphillip13]

Kids/siblings *need* to fight, need to argue, need to learn to resolve; Zach is right about that. What we do is parents is teach them the words to use, the actions to do (or not do), to teach them how to reach resolutions. Practice them repeating the words to use - like "how do we fix this?" or "who goes first this time?" and they'll figure it out. Took me a while to figure that out. And please DON'T compare yourselves to other parents, because that way lies madness. :) You can learn things from others because it might or might not work in your fam if you try it, but you are YOU and you have each other to learn from first.

[@karenryckman8064]

This is one of the best episodes with Zach and Tori 😂❤Zach talking about floor coloring and bed sheets 😂I understand how Tori feels about those things😉Zach is hilarious!!❤

[@missmindyourbusiness3975]

Damn I’m so proud of both of you. The growth in you shows and I’m loving it. About 31:07 when you’re talking about family gathering and how we take offense when ppl don’t show up. I think extending grace to someone is important. Giving ppl their space and not taking big offense (which is not easy believe me) makes the other person come around eventually and you see that the things settle in a nicer way that way. Versus when you fight and assume stuff and force something to happen. I love your family values and once again, I’m so proud of both of you. You guys have matured so much ❤

[@nicolepeer2856]

Love these chats! Love how organic y'all are this is how my husband and I talk 💕

[@debrawicker7974]

I love your honesty, both of you. Every family has these things to different levels. You all just had to play so much out in the public. It’s refreshing to see young adults able to reflect not only on others but on yourselves as well. ❤

[@daleclark8872]

I am so thankful that our whole family loves to get together, go on vacations together, etc. There’s no greater joy for us! We are so blessed! 🙏❤️🙏

[@MsBeth818]

@@daleclark8872 yes you are blessed

[@patjones5723]

Yes, yes you are 💞

[@pamelac.3241]

YOU ARE BLESSED

[@MsBeth818]

@@daleclark8872 you absolutely are 😊

[@amandaadcox2157]

Absolutely loved this conversation. Family is such a hard thing to navigate sometimes but 1000% everyone has problems in their families. Some are just better at hiding it than others. I’m also in a season of life with my kids doing an activity I would have never been into. My daughter is in to cheer as of late and I was never a girly girl so I was a bit surprised when this was brought up. But hey now I’m sitting in the bleachers 3 days a week with noise canceling headphones on while she is living her best life. Sometime we have to just go with the flow. Hope you guys have a great week.

[@anne-mariezack]

❤

[@Mamawslife]

I love watching you both. 💜

[@conniephillips8217]

Great podcast!! Parenting is both the easiest and hardest job in the world. Children argue with each other because they are learning to express themselves and set boundaries . It's hard to ignore or not jump I buy as you say "do your best and forget the rest". That's all you can do you two are the best and compliment each other so well. PS Tori, you look so pretty today! Great job!❤😊

[@tapy8048]

Don’t overthink this. Kids fight. They will be fine!!! You guys are good parents so just go with the flow and do what comes natural, not what you see on instagram .

[@WOJOWNIK77]

TORI…. Let your husband finish a sentence please! 💯

[@amyburwell5005]

I agree

[@WOJOWNIK77]

@@amyburwell5005 Poor Zach. He’s shy to begin with & when he gets talkative she cuts him off constantly 😔

[@bethedmonds9635]

I have said many times in other episodes. She just doesn't get it

[@volnh]

This has been said SO many times to Tori, but she simply has to have all the attention. So different from when they were dating.

[@kathy777]

Zach said she was controlling.😂

[@fs7694]

Good discussion. Being now on the other side, with my kids in their late 30's and not getting along is heartbreaking, but looking back I don't see that I could have done even one more thing to stop this from happening. Sad, but true. Another adult that I had no input into their upbringing came in and spoiled the relationship I fostered for years. Though she is gone, the rift is cement. Other adult opinions that they now have are at odds, there is love, but it seems that is all.

[@maryclemans9426]

I am so impressed with Zack's ability to Express himself! I watched BWLP.. from the beginning and he rarely spoke! I love you and Tori's podcast! Here is a thought for you on this topic. You choose your friends, but you get siblings with no say on how many or who they are.

[@honnorjustice]

Good talk. Wait until you’re older and your children move on and they don’t always come and visit. I have three children and each one has their own life and I’ve learned to appreciate the moments when we get together. My middle child I haven’t seen for a year. Last Christmas was our first that we were alone. My husband and I. I think about God’s character when dealing with my children. God lets us go and He keeps the standards but He wants us to have a relationship with Him. He gives us free choice so He lets us go.

[@MsBeth818]

I agree. I’m in the same situation with my older 3 children. While I’m doing my best to follow Christ, I’m praying my children come back to Him.

[@annapenn197]

Best episode EVER! Thanks🎈

[@TeresaCatherine-wi9co]

Try living without a husband or significant other. I have a dog and he is my companion. No one but one neighbor up the road has visited me in over a year ( I take care of her cat that wanders to my house during the summer). People just don't care anymore. My children are grown up and have their lives, so I understand they are busy. I like being alone most of the time, but sometimes I wonder why no one cares enough to see me as a person that they like enough to visit. It is very humbling. I visit a few neighbors throughout the year and family at Christmas, but no one comes to see me. When my kids were young, we had no visitors at our home for NINE YEARS! No one from work, no family, no friends, no delivery people from a store or business unless I bought something to be delivered. Please visit one of your neighbors... it would make them feel like they matter. I realize there are people in way worse situations than me, and I always pray for them. I do thank God every day for what I DO have, because one day I may not even have those things anymore. Be grateful and give your troubles to the Lord, that is my advice.

[@pamelavargas6811]

I have 4...they live 42-135 miles away...they rarely call...they talk through a 5 way text...unless I go see them they never come to my house...1 granddaughter has asked for 7 years to come to my house...😢

[@Traveler-nu8xc]

So sad for people saying they don’t see their kids. Mine all live within 15 minutes, we see each other all the time. They are all college educated and hold jobs but family so important. Can’t imagine not seeing them every few days, talking every day.

[@eml818-l3b]

Love you two talking as a couple . Thank you for opening up your life to us.

[@maggie440]

As I have gotten older and see my children become young adults and my siblings get older. My relationships with some family members haven't changed much (got better). I have come to the conclusion that some family members you can only love from a far. Meaning you love them and would be there for them if they really needed you, but you can't have them in your life due to choices or toxic personalities they may have. I have learned to take care of myself so I can take care of those around me.

[@lauritaylor6850]

I have been following your family from the beginning and I am very proud to say you both are doing amazing job raising your kids so far in life. Keep up with your family as you are doing and keep everyone healthy and smiling. ❤😂😊❤

[@iluvphillip13]

I think most people here would agree with me when I say you guys are excellent parents. You're definitely better than I was when I was your age! :) My kids are having babies a little later in life than I did, and I'm very impressed with their thoughtful skills as parents too.

[@JulieKavanagh-x5o]

Do not worry about their relationship. I worried about that with my daughter and son because they were 7 years apart but they are totally there for each other now that they are older and it makes me so very happy.

[@patjones5723]

Absolutely 💯

[@williambrown5822]

You two are doing great, don’t try to figure it out. YOU NEVER WILL. EVERY AGE WILL BRING SOMETHING NEW❤

[@ann5139]

You two are the best couple. You are both so real and relatable!

[@merandajames5361]

I love listening to the self reflection. Listening to you talk is so enjoyable! It’s real and not a fake dynamic for the internet. Stay organic!

[@carristeichen7403]

This was a great topic. I shook my head yes a lot. I have had so many things like this happen in my family. My family did not like a lot of stuff me and my husband chose to do. Grew up always doing family things, once all us (15) cousins got jobs, husbands and kids things changed. Family got too big to meet at one house. Some of us moved away and Like Tori said life happens. My life with my husband and daughter became my life. Life that I have spent more time with than I lived at home.

[@momof5948]

U guys are just great .. your conversations are just so relatable.. I love the banter between you 😊

[@lc98002]

I am watching this podcast now and you two are hilarious.

[@PatsyPatrick-xf9ld]

You 2are on the path to great parenting! Praise God for you!❤❤

[@gloriastephens6929]

Great episode.! I raised 3 boys and hands on helped raise 7 grandchildren. In the end everybody made it. I think one of the great gifts you can give you children and grandchildren is allowing them to live the life they are destined to live. Allowing them to see a parent and grandparent as human - just people like them doing the best they can. I believe children learn by watching you live your life, how you handle life's problems, disappointments, tragedies as well as the the victories and successes we all experience. Be the wind beneath their wings. I am really enjoying your podcasts because it is so human. You guys are awesome. I actually watched Zach grow up on TV and always wondered what that was like for him - now I know. Keep going guys - you got this.

[@heathere9240]

Zach: ‘You’re welcome Clark County’. 😂😂😂😂

[@patjones5723]

Agree 😂😂😂

[@hognosebestuk]

Really enjoy listening to and watching your podcasts. You two are both coming into your own as adults and parents and i love how you're figuring out the world and everything else together. You are a great couple and a lovely family! 👍🙂

[@jodyshaffer8332]

I know it is hard but siblings will argue. My kids are now 15 and 17. They used to argue all the time. Now they hardly ever argue and actually try and plan to go to different things to support each other. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[@MichelleBrown-mp6nh]

Same.. mine fought too, and now as adults talk all the time and are best friends. Son & daughter. Same as my brother and I. ❤ you got this !

[@Spitfire2019]

Love your Pod Cast! Your doing great! 🎉❤

[@lorraine-bluebrit2242]

I just love the way you two communicate. Your topics are also very good. they get me thinking

[@ct6852]

I think it's good for kids to see different viewpoints and styles. Later in life they can figure out what's most appropriate for them. But honestly there's only so much you can do, outside of supplying love, support, and a moral compass. Their soul, personality, intellect, sexuality and natural aptitudes will guide them just as much as any parent ever could.

[@philoakley221]

Love your podcast. The conversations and thoughtfulness are so enjoyable! From flooring to philosophy…love it. Have a great day🤗

[@StaceyReeves-v2s]

Hi from Prince Edward Islamd, Canada. You both are wise beyond your years. You hit that topic spot on. Awesome episode. I think your best one yet.

[@carolynrockafellow417]

No family is a Hallmark movie family. They fight yell I hate you and you think they’re going to kill each other.. but in the end they will take anyone down who say anything to their brother/sister. You both are doing great.. and there is a lot of tough love and prayers go into your kids…and grandkids and great grandkids.

[@dianewilson6960]

I’m actually watching this days after you posted, but I just wanted to affirm you to not be so overly worried about your kids fighting. My two daughters were three years and four months apart and as young children, they fought all the time. Bickering, at odds, but they would stick up for each other. If anyone else tried to give them a hard time. Today, at 49 and 46 they are the best of friends. You’re doing a great job!

[@dianewilson6960]

They actually adore and respect each other. Let’s face it, as adults our relationships ebb and flow as far as getting along with each other.

[@marleyburkhardt3714]

Omg spot on today!! This is so true, Tori! So many people get offended when you don’t show up. We take things so offensively! I was like you as a first time parent. Now have 4 kids and sometimes we just can’t make it. It’s hard to get everyone together. I do think it’s different for a wedding/funeral. Show up. Ha.

[@TeresaCatherine-wi9co]

Zach's analogies are great. I agree with some of Tori's points, too. It's nice that they can talk about the topic of parenting their kids in a mature manner and come to some useful conclusions. I think both of you are doing a great job as parents. You both balance each other and hold each other to a realistic albeit proper standard as loving parents. Your kids are lucky to have two parents who care so much about raising children lovingly and responsibly.

[@RebeccaYarbrough-yj8ci]

I got so excited couple weeks ago we went through your town. I was hoping to see you guys. I follow you ever since the show seeing Zach and Tori grow up your kids being born your marriage everything and I just told my husband if we could just see them I would be so happy this would, make my whole vacation, but we didn’t get to see you maybe next time

[@carlafranklin3081]

Thanks for the laughs...you guys are great! Love hearing how the younger generation deals with things.

[@morganpelot456]

So many things you’ve mentioned have resonated with me. Thanks for sharing the good news!

[@hollykeil210]

i have almost 38 and 30 year old kids and we love having family dinner and going on trips together!!

[@Neverendinghappyland]

I have really enjoyed watching this video, hearing some parenting tips from parents that are real and don’t try to fake it. Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge of parenting. Thank you for being real and keeping it 100% honest and real on parenting young children.

[@disneydreamer98]

Really enjoyed this episode!! It’s so true that pretty much every family has something they are dealing with relationship wise. 😔

[@junebrown2044]

This is one of my all time favorite pod cast i try to catch up every week❤️

[@doglover1331]

You two are great human beings doing a fantastic job with your kids. 💜

[@herewego1115]

True but their both great. She did take a lot of pressure in this viseo and accepted it. Again, they are both great. Let zach finish a thought. Lol

[@lauritaylor6850]

My mom made me and my sister when we fight stop and say sorry and give hugs to each other. ❤make sure the kids love each other love one another.

[@rebeccaburell3602]

Sooooo, all of the videos, pics you see of siblings hugging each other, I feel that most of the time, that is for picture and video. In the next breath, they are fighting just like your kiddos. I love Zach’s comment, “if they are fighting, WEIRD”. So so true. Mine are almost 13 and 16 and still fight.

[@pamelavargas6811]

My kids have early Christmas with me because they have always spent Christmas Eve with their wealthy father...it hurts me but our simple Christmas is enough just because it is my life reality....😊

[@Bev-s1g]

You both are so fun and funny to listen to! I just love the way that you both love your family!

[@darksarcasm4835]

I love y’all’s podcast! You don’t need to change anything…continue just like that. Don’t allow outsiders to harsh your calm. I like the way y’all interact with each other. Y’all are doing good!❤

[@tamic4555]

Let them argue and step in if it gets physical. My 4 sons are good friends now that they're adults. If I heard something particularly ugly I would talk to that son later in private about what he said what what he could have done better and how what he said made his brother feel. Also, there a saying "I raised my kids on my knees" Praying for your children is vital

[@patjones5723]

Exactly 💯

[@hilarywinters2283]

❤❤ my "peak" was watching Lila put on makeup ❤❤

[@beccabardot1118]

My kids 9 and 10 yrs old both do karate and they absolutely LOVE IT. They're learning not only self defense but how to control their bodies, mentally and physically. Also, to respect their elders. It's been fun!

[@cathyjohnson3704]

I completely understand how you feel about your floors, we had this beautiful manufactured floor put in back in 2017 , it was super dark and slippery so this year we decided to replace it for another manufactured floating floor, I HATE my new floors, the bubbles the splitting and it’s already cracking, they have come back twice to fix them , we are actually thinking of going somewhere else and getting real hard wood floors , so frustrating

[@kemrysmith5929]

What a great podcast!💕

[@dc7117]

Let Zack speak, please. He's very smart.

[@popcornanytime7414]

I am so glad that Zach was aware that the relationship he had with his father was toxic and he removed the children and himself from the situation.

[@merandajames5361]

I do think you have a great example of masculine and feminine in a couple. The woman processing emotion and the man bringing her down with reality and it’s hard sometimes but so necessary. It’s a beautiful balance and such a blessing to have someone calm your worries

[@sarahsell6509]

I think you both are doing well and letting your kids grow and your growing with them❤

[@criscamacho6484]

Your family is real. I love you guys ❤ .

[@deboraheng7591]

Love your family. Have watched since first LPBW. I come from a family of 6 kids. 2 were always fighting. 2 boys 4 girls. It just kept switching siblings who was fighting, all the time and this went on for years. We became busy working and bringing up young families. Nevertheless with God's grace we remained close, not to see we didn't have arguments in adulthood. Now the kids are all in the twenties and thirties. We are all now retired except for the youngest sibling we are now caring for my 95-year-old dad as we did my mom with my mom. You two are an amazing couple and dynamic duo. Keep God first in your relationship and trust him always and all will be well. ❤

[@tonyagalgozy20]

My kids fought all the time growing up, but now they are older and get along really well. They will grow out of it.

[@Stellagm22]

Just want to say I LOVE you all😊🤍 I’m so Tori lol yall are amazing parents!

[@dianaj3139]

The flooring issues you are having are SO familiar to me! Grrrrrr.. We purchased this amazing hardwood flooring, but my husband decided to go on the "cheap" and have a relative that worked in "framing construction" install the floor and he Put those darn NAILS in because he had a "new toy" a nail gun and wanted to practice using it!... I have wanted it ripped out ever since!! We had all new floors in all the other rooms except ONE bathroom and except the living area... oops I got crazy there... Just sayin I am feeling your pain.

[@CassidyB-c8k]

Mid 27 mins, I never comment on shi, but you got me contacting my cousins I haven’t talked to in so long. You’re so right family is everything

[@kareneddy1486]

Parents need to do their best and Just keep Loving and praying along the way. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@daleclark8872]

Great podcast…great family!! 🙏❤️🙏

[@normagwilliam8160]

You are both real, that’s what counts❤😊

[@michellesaylor6756]

Tory is my soul sister. Our personalities are similar. I can relate to her struggles. What a crazy beautiful life you guys have.

[@cabweirich2284]

These both are awesome!!!!!!

[@dianne1214]

We just pulled off the surprise of the century by all 5 of us siblings got together for my mom’s 80th birthday. It’s the first time we have been together in decades. On the outside it looks like the perfect family get together. Don’t get me wrong, it was a beautiful thing for my mom. Most people didn’t see the major issues between some of the issues between the siblings. Do I regret going, no way because it wasn’t about the sibling issues (which are silly and ridiculous) it was about celebrating my mom and Her 80 years. She had no idea it was happening. The greatest thing was watching my mom get excited as she realized each child had showed up. There is no perfect family. Things will never go the way we expect but it doesn’t mean it can’t be a beautiful experience.

[@AmandaDarby89]

LOVE your podcast! ❤

[@mienafriggstad3360]

Zach I totally understand the aversion to button up shirts 👔 I went through grades 1-12 pluss 2 of 3 years Bible College at different schools with strict dress codes and uniforms that included 👔 top buttons done up with a tie or scarf or broach on top button for all ages and genders. Even wearing a scarf in winter is a struggle; I feel like it's chocking me🧣

[@tonyagunter3672]

You may not need your parents to parent you as adults but you will always need them for guidance and love and support. 😉

[@integrityinus]

Sometimes you guys are a bit boring. However, what I appreciate most of all is your honesty!!

[@bettycoutts4739]

This comment is really unkind.

[@LP-km7gj]

We just had to replace our whole kitchen and dining room floor because our dishwasher flooded under the kitchen cabinets and seeped under the flooring and started to mold. I am so worried about our new floors because we went kind of cheap as we weren’t planning to have to do it. We had the same thing, engineered hardwood before and now vinyl. Tori I am the same way, I got mad at people as well for not showing up for my kids to the point I didn’t talk to my best friend for years.

[@tinabrewer1]

I feel that family occasions, ie birthdays- holidays, should be first priority. We only have a certain amount of time on this earth. What if thats the last birthday with that person and you didnt go? I know I dont ask for much much I personally feel birthday and holidays are a must go event.

[@juliannemoore5334]

I've learned that just because your related doesn't mean they have to be in your life..I've let go of majority of my negative family and I have no regrets..Jesus didn't worry about dragging along negative family members.

[@sarsonder5127]

Zach, please, please please consider becoming either a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) or a child/developmental psychologist. We need you! If you need guidance on how to get there, give me a shout. Also, one of my favorite episodes.

[@cherimcpherson8290]

My son and daughter, who are two years apart, fought all the time. My son is #3 of my 4, and my daughter is the baby. Anyway, they fought a lot but became close their high-school years. Now they are both married and it is a bit different like you are describing with your siblings. My son has his own daughter now.😊 they are 26 and 24. Love your pod cast! Watched Zach grow up on LPBW. 😊