I hid a smoking and chewing tobacco habit from my exwife for years. I rubbed toothpaste on my smoking hand, and used lots of hydrogen peroxide to deal with yellow teeth and bad breath. It worked, but my marriage failed anyway

I think the first question is good, but an active porn and sex addict would answer the second question with a lie.

My husband admitted to his addiction to lying and avoidance shortly after we separated. And he admitted to confiding in his parents during our whole relationship/marriage about our marital issues. I didn’t even know we had these issues because he would never come to me and bring up the issue. He would go vent to his parents instead Immature, selfish, coward 😡😡 It makes me feel invisible, worthless, used, stupid, crazy, terrified, unsafe

My family members hide bully steel and do it all in the name of Christianity.

Poly vagal theory!!!

I really wish I could find a group for this so I can process this out. Unfortunately, i haven't been able to find one in my area. I feel it would help tremendously!

It changes you. Not only do you not yrust others, you don't trust yourself. That in itself throws your entire life into havoc. You deal with it every moment of every day. Your life feels like a bad dream.

Accurate

Oh my God. This is EXACTLY what’s happening to me. Is there hope?

Lol my volume was off and wowww she looked crayyyyyyyyyzyyy

I'm on year 4, it affects every aspect of self. Body, mental, emotional and the soul. Oddly enough if I didn't love them and some stranger did this, I would not be in this wounded state trying to patch the bleeding. Betrayal trauma is not something you can just climb to inner safety through, some days you got to fight like hell to get through the day or else the mind sits still in rumination with no resolve stuck in loop. I unfortunately found comfort in sleep and eating, now I'm 50 pounds heavier and it keeps my self esteem in a low vibration.

If a betrayed spouse attempts to heal with no professional help to process the pain, anger, shame, etc., can they play a tangible part in healing the relationship, assuming they have decided to stay in it? In addition, if the unfaithful partner is pursuing their own recovery with 12 steps and professional therapy, can the relationship be salvaged?

So informative and crystal clear- thanks!!

I suspected something when I saw my husband’s search history. He googled how to tell if a girl likes you. A few weeks later I found out he was looking up ways on how to be a good boyfriend. A few weeks later my husband admitted to cheating. He then blamed me. He said I didn’t make him feel loved. Then when I saw who I got cheated on, I told my husband the girl was ugly. He said I had an ugly heart. He then said he wasn’t over her. I then find out he slept with her. My husband has zero remorse. My husband then gets a ring tattooed on his ring finger with my initials. A few days later I find he’s sweet talking some girl across the country and he now wants to learn Chinese.

I would love to hear your thoughts specifically on AI generated/animated porn, porn games and porn bots that have sexual conversations with people. It’s interesting how people feel more justified with their behavior because “it’s not a real person”.

It’s hurts to think of life without my boyfriend, I never imagined it would get to this point where I would let go. I know im not supposed to write this here but I’m gradually loosing myself and I don’t know what to do. I’m still holding unto the beautiful moments we shared and I hope that he finds happiness .

But it became almost a deadly problem so I feel like it was a set up and they all live around children and they did this and free

❤ AMEN ❤

Always on guard is so draining! I’m slowly starting to not give a rats ass, it’s either my mental health or a person who just doesn’t care dismissing it! The behavior is so toxic! The anger is so deep.

LiES! Like the begining of time.....from when, a frog in very slow boiling water. Sure, if the frog, not truly knowing, the outcome, he would have hopped and quickley!.

How can I get help. Listening to this, I definitely have a addiction problem

KRISTIN! I am going to disagree with you here! What is the most pleasurable thing in our miserable lives on this miserable planet! IT IS SEX! As a young boy when I achieved my first orgasm from masturbating, I said to myself, "This is the greatest physical sensation ever, and I will keep doing it as often as I can!" Later, as I got older, and I discovered that sex with the ladies was even far, far better! My personal opinion is that as long as sex does not interfere with your working life, or your relationship is not threatened by it, I see no harm in making your sex drive a huge part of your life! As for porn Kristin, men are visual creatures and will always love watching porn! And I daresay that a lot of women greatly enjoy watching porn, but simply will not admit it! Another thing, most men can watch a lot of porn without jeapordizing their relationships with their wives or girlfriends.

All of the above for me😢😭😭 😭😭💔betrayal, gaslighting..just RIP my heart out, it would've hurt less

Thank you

This is all exactly spot on and it hurts so much to feel betrayed and like they aren’t ever going to change. Once you have heard enough lies and gaslighting it’s really hard to believe anything they say 😔

My aunts betrayed me for money and I have Cerebral Palsy.

Please talk about parental alienation. When your children are weaponized against you. The betrayal of children is the hardest. When they leave you and don't want to know you. All your love and care ended up for nothing and you are left empty

What if it's your children have betrayed you?

Jan 31 will be 3 yrs DD1 7 mnts it took for partial truth to come out. Lies , trickle truth , minimizing covering ones ass , defensiveness, shame. No full.disclourse Every day i think about what he did. All the lies, all.the effort he put into to his affair. From porn to Masturbation, blaming his childhood to on line videoing sexting and hotels It never a mistake. It a choice They chose over and over until they get caught Then its, it meant nothing , it was just sex. I love you were just words for 19 mnts i know of. Now , love bombing, your all i want, never was going to leave you. Its.all bull shit. They did what they wanted until the spouse finds out. Now the consequences are in. I still hurt everyday And i dont look at him the same way. Nor do i love him like i did. And he knows it He had everything at home A wife who loved him and would do anything for him He was my best friend & lover He broke my heart! The other cheater who cheated with him also married ,is a disgusting human pig. They know they will hurt others and they dont care. I am trying to heal from his selfishness, but its so very hard and horribly painful. I dont think ill ever get over this much less forgive him.

I’ve always wondered. If a man has nothing with a woman (kids or substantial financial gap between the wife) why she cheats behind his back but stays with him? Why don’t women go with the guy they cheated with ?

Im the betrayed partner, I cannot believe i FINALLY heard the words that sum up EXACTLY what has been torturing my mind for 3 years. TO EVERYONE in this position My Heart amd deepest sorrow goes out. Thia is the most Painful Confusing situation i have ever felt. Getting lied to your face FOR YEARS from someone you love

Excellent explanation. Very helpful in understanding the person's problem. Thank you.

This has recently happened to me...we're still trying to work things out but she has had an "internal snap" and feels like she's changing as a person and feeling like it she needs to branch out and do things she wasn't able or willing to before. She said she feels more like a care taker to me rather than my wife anymore and I have broken into two and with my BPD I've already started the frantic efforts to avoid the abandonment. We've been together 12 years-13 in November and I feel this came out of no where and it feels deeper than BPD, almost as like you said and it's almost now ingrained in me to trust and keep people at an arms length even more so now than before. I just got out of the hospital for suicidal ideation with multiple plans and intent on the 30th. While I'm working on my epilepsy and CBT for BPD and other mental health issues, I feel like looking back I should have seen a sign but I don't see where the colors seemed to start fading. I know I may get a lot of bad replies for BPD and SI but I'm trying to get better for myself and her, so I'm just being transparent. 💔 Random, I suppose it's partially humor therapy: Do you have a son named Edward 😂

There are so many cheaters and liars out there! Read "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life". I think most cheaters are nacassists which makes it even harder because they are so manipulative.

Both of my abusive and bretraying ex-husbands, were narcissists. Understanding how different the reality the narcissist lives in compared.to the healtjy person and how you can never win with them, has helped me begin to move on and start to heal myself.

I cant remember the last time i felt regulated. Its just a matter of how bad the disregulation at any time

Is it the same signs for an emotional affair?

Yes, marriage is a commitment to grow together through thick and thin. It’s not a commitment to expect your husband to meet all your whimsical changing needs(articulated or not). Each spouse must work on their issues.

You mention shame resiliency skills. Can you do a talk on that? I get so mired in shame sometimes that I can't function. I know that is not helpful but there is a very powerful need to punish myself.

#1 Suddenly hanging on the phone for dear life.

Great. Thanks for telling me that I'm fucked up. When in the fuck is there going to be a cure?

And they had a teaching degree which makes it add some perspectives and is therefor not quite the same story is ut

And they had a teaching degree which makes it add some perspectives and is therefore unacceptable

And what about when it was done by excolleques and deliberately causing rejection and other misplaced exterior intentions, which so far seemed gamechanging? Who's responsibility is it then?

He was my doctor. He took advantage of me and I am beyond sick.

Someone can you tell me, he betray me most of the time but i still love him and i pray to God someday he changed bcz i cant change him but God. And now he cheat again but im still with him while he is also with her, what can i do? It hurts i almost crazy. I know he tell me he would never change. But still the love that i have to him make me always stay with him. And i'm afraid if i leave him i am gonna be crazy. Someone please tell me what should i do? I have no one to talk about it

It's been 4 years and it feels like just yesterday I was betrayed. I've never been so traumatized in my entire life. I used to feel safe. Ugh narcissistic people suck ass.

How do you deal with sadness and not trusting anyone anymore ?

My issue is the gaslighting! It’s infuriating even with the proof in your hand. My spouse keeps saying I am hot and cold! 😡 Well… I am trying! I’ve resorted to isolation and avoiding him altogether. Otherwise I’ll bring up the betrayal he denies it, then I get angry and throw things.

I would like to have more information on how the betrayal trauma affects the children of the couple. Because they usually experience the betrayal but sometimes we don't get the enough support and understanding because it was not our partner. Although, we also suffer the loss of a parent that did the betrayal and loss of the parent that "stays" but in depression.