494 - Can We Be Compassionate Towards One Penis Policies? Listener Q&A

[@Davlavi]

Great episode.

[@BrazilDan1]

Sorry for the out-of-nowhere comment, but I have to say: I've been following you guys from the start of Multiamory, and for a long time I only listened to the audio podcast, but now seeing you all on video, I came to the shocking conclusion that you're all looking even better now than all those years ago. Didn't think it was possible. That said, great episode! ;)

[@joshuaehl1481]

It is way better. I love seeing the facial expressions and body language. It plays a huge role in listening and not just hearing.

[@Authentistic-ism]

i need a link to Emily's cat tree shelf. It's way more stylish than what I can find online!

[@davidwilliams9302]

Plot twist! My female partner is the one that asked for OPP. We talked about ENM before we even started dating and she said that in her prior swing life, she was expected to "take one for the team" in order to be part of whatever party or circumstance she and her partner were aiming for. Unprompted, I told her that I would never expect my partner to do that and she about jumped for joy. Once we did start dating, she was the one who brough up OPP. The exact quote was "I get more than enough ****, I'm just here for the gurlz." I really don't object to her having relationships intimate or otherwise with O-P-P (in this case I mean Other People's Pen....) but it's her choice. So predictably, it really does slim down our dating choices. When otherwise, we might have been swap-style swing, the outcome is that on the surface we look like another cis white couple unicorn hunting which is really not our goal. So she's bi. I'm straight. So here we are. The irony is random observers inside or outside the ENM community think "OPP," or think "unicorn hunting" and immediately assume they know the whole deal and it stinks when that just isn't true. Turns out that absence of curiosity or questions closes a lot of doors.

[@joshuaehl1481]

Are you on their discord? This would be a great discussion starter.

[@joshuaehl1481]

I love the updated logo!! New stickers? New pins? I need to draw this image of the OPP on a hill... a hill to die on, lol! Honestly I wish there was a better approach to this topic because desire does not mean expectation. What I mean by that is just because you want your partner to behave a specific way does not mean you have the expectation that they will. Now that is regardless of the vocalization of what you desire. >>> More To Follow.

[@joshuaehl1481]

The views regarding OPP were more than disappointing and judgmental, but whatever. Beating a dead horse at this point is exactly that. I was originally of the mindset in my marriage, and I know I have shared that with you all, but getting over was it when I got over my own desires and saw how much more joy my wife was going to have in deepening her relationship with one of her closest guy friends. Sadly that never came to fruition but because I was there, I had that view, I do not pretend like I am sickened or that an OPP relationship is beneath me. Dedeker's views on the label are EXACTLY what I have been dealing with "poly" because of the people I keep meeting in the community. Granted, the general pervert does leave the circle but not after projecting the type of stereotypical clown that is thought of my the others in the world when they hear the word "polyamory". So I basically have left the community. I do not engage much at all anymore and that is after I used to advocate and build groups in MeetUp for poly families. I literally moved to Austin Texas to find real poly! Like we read about... and I dont see it. Code Switching? hmm, something new... I will research that. Emily said it best in wishing we did not need labels and just being able to be open with people as to where they stand with us. I feel labels often hold people back from authentic conversations. Having a label or being labeled removed the intrigue or learning about each other because people assume they instantly know all about them if there is a label they can use. It really dehumanizes us. Dedeker's insights to why we use labels is helpful, yes. There are a few that are very helpful for understanding some boundaries, love the bucket of minions metaphor. Personally when I hear a person (though I still love them) apply about 4 labels to themselves to describe their sexuality I groan on the inside. I have way more questions now then before, lol! That last question I felt. I really did. I have lost nearly all my friends to monogamous relationships. All but about one, from my adult life, over the last 2.5 decades. I am so tired I don't even want friends anymore.

[@jmills3365]

I can't here You because the music is so loud. You always say something in the intro.