5 Reasons Why You Have Social Anxiety as a Fearful Avoidant

5 Reasons Why You Have Social Anxiety as a Fearful Avoidant | HealingFa.com

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Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 43

@Anne..... Жыл бұрын

Yes, please make a video about friendships and your struggles with it. I have like you longed for authentic friendships, and especially friendships were other people would hold space for my emotions and the things that I experience sometimes, just as I hold space for them. But I always seem to end up in friendships with people who never ask me questions or respond to what I am saying in an interested and empathic way. And often also with friends where I can not get a word in edgewise, they simply talk and talk, and talk over me as well. This makes me very sad.

@ireneb3433 11 ай бұрын

Oh, yes, I hear you, Anne, about also longing for authentic friendships! And then, after going to therapy for years and working on my skills, I *did* actually find people to connect with deeply and authentically, only to then become 'repulsed' by them (finding them *sickeningly sweet*, or feeling like I am a bad influence on them in some way!!) Aaarrgghh! So yes, I too would like a video about friendships and the FA struggles with them!

@koala01111986 4 ай бұрын

I used to feel so anxious and "scared" to go to the city center in my hometown, while it was easier in the town where I was studying at University and before University even when in Uk when I stayed 3 months studying English in a school with lots of other people and lots of activities, parties, trips. Those places where like happy places, while my hometown has always been associated to toxicity, negative emotions and experiences. I managed to start feeling more secure going around the town with my second dog, 'cos he was so proud and secure in himself and I felt so safe with him. I still struggle sometimes here and don't like to go out in pubs, etc, unless I have to play, while I like going to social events when I'm in Uk or somewhere else and again because those places are my happy places or are simply not connected to negativity

@tylertoyne3153 Жыл бұрын

Would love a video on friendships! I find that is something I struggle with greatly. Thanks for being awesome Paulien :)

@princessyas930 Жыл бұрын

yes please make a vid on friendships!!!☺️

@K_-ox2pq Жыл бұрын

Yes please a video about friendships🤗

@monicamonica5924 Жыл бұрын

Pls make this kindof video 🥺 im struggling with this a lot, and feeling so lonely, like don't have the skills to make friends 😔

@nardo218 Жыл бұрын

Wait if you're not supposed to inform and entertain at social events, what are you supposed to do?

@primerdimers Жыл бұрын

Enjoy yourself

@slick_Ric Жыл бұрын

exist

@sunbeam9222 Жыл бұрын

Unless you're a hired clown who gets paid for your performance you just show up and be yourself. I consider showing up my only duty at social events 😅

@Brian.Murphy 7 ай бұрын

I don't think others have appreciated the depth of your question, so I'll come at it from a secure attachment perspective. At social events, because I'm not "action oriented", or focused on "what I should be doing", I'm able to just be present and listen to the fascinating stories of others, introduce myself to others without expectations, be either engaging or even more distant - however I feel in the moment. It is extremely liberating and I actually gain energy by being around others in social settings. (Weird, huh?). Now, to blow your mind, I even attend social events on my own. I'll give you a walk through - I'm part of various professional/alumni groups that hold social events. I decide to attend and go by myself. First thing I do is introduce myself to the organizer and thank them for the efforts they put in to organize the event. If they're busy, I'll leave it at that and go add myself to another small group dynamic, or perhaps introduce myself to someone else that is alone. TBH at first it's kind of awkward to just attach yourself to another group - just sidle up and listen for awhile, but we're all here at this "social" event, right, so it's not overly strange. Kind of like jumping in a pool! When a discussion gets too boring, or has run its course, I'll duck out and go meet someone else or append to another group, or find myself in a more in-depth one on one dialog on a specific topic. How do I process the varying interactions I'm involved with at any specific event? In the moment, I don't! I'm there to take in. Later on, after the event, if a conversation stuck with me, I can reach out independently to pursue further. Feel free to ask more specific questions - you can do this!

@veronikaljungberg7149 2 ай бұрын

@@sunbeam9222😂😂😂

@evadebruijn Жыл бұрын

Yes please on the whole story around friendships. Since I was inauthentic my friendships were inauthentic and I had to let go. What you said about expecting emotional maturity, well... I cannot expect from people what I myself can not deliver. Zero conflict skills, it is grit the teeth and endure (and resent...) or bolt. I have such an idealistic view of friendship, like it is level blood brothers or were mere 'kennissen' (no idea how to spell aquiaintances correctly) so in a way nothing ever makes the cut to earn the honorary title of True Friend. I have been f'ed over / taken for a ride / pushed around/ have wool pulled over my eyes by women even more than men so I am also burdened with a big fat dollop of once bitten twice shy apprehension when it comes to befriending women. ✌️

@herbwelch2239 10 ай бұрын

Thank you, Paulien! I feel so seen with this video and it is empowering and reassuring to know other people feel the same way. 29 years old and the clouds of confusion are finally parting. Hallelujah!

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 10 ай бұрын

Thats amazing!! I'm so happy you are here :) ❤

@AnimalSpirit777 Ай бұрын

Could you please do a more indepth video of your struggles with friendships etc? ❤

@pssyclwz Жыл бұрын

Really appreciate your videos thank you 🥹🙏🏻💕

@veronikaljungberg7149 2 ай бұрын

I’d love a video about your friendship struggles and how you healed that part of your life. Im just in the beginning of my journey and dont have any friends.

@iloveTool Жыл бұрын

Wow, this was eye opening. Last weekend I was starting to get sick and was apologizing up and down to my friend about being so quiet that day. Never realized I had this view that need to be in tuned/happy/talkative whenever hang out with friends. I would never expect that from my friends so why do I put that expectation on myself? I love how you put that - real friends will enjoy hanging out with you whether you're happy, sad, not feeling well, irritable etc.

@hannahwrenn406 Жыл бұрын

This is me to a T. I’m so glad I found your channel cause everything you say, describes me completely. Struggling so much on the relationship front right now. Hate him one day, obsessed with him the next. Just downloaded your 3 day program so hopefully I can start healing!

@phonypin7328 Жыл бұрын

you're not alone. :)

@ysff89 8 ай бұрын

Lol I feel exposed

@joshliam1967 10 ай бұрын

Thank you for this and all of your videos :)

@BirdieHaze2207 3 ай бұрын

Great explanation, this is my ex to a t!

@Muse720 Жыл бұрын

Very helpful! I do all of this, especially feel the need to perform & make jokes. I have noticed secure people don’t do much of that-they are just “there” & it can feel boring to me sometimes & I worry about becoming boring if I heal. Also I try to focus on others but always end up bringing attention back to myself, even though I don’t like to be the center of attention but true connection still feels uncomfortable so I need to put myself above or below others. Which module is this in the H&H program? I recall some tapping sessions about true connection & a partnership but I’m single so it wasn’t resonating. I want to heal in friendships first.

@mujtaba8833 Жыл бұрын

I discovered I'm FA a month ago, and all of this is so true. Suffered from hardcore social anxiety for almost 1.5 years, and did a lot of work on myself to manage it, but its amazing to understand the root cause finally

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, I am happy to here my video's are resonating with you!

@edwardtjones Жыл бұрын

Yes, it would be interesting - you're such a powerful voice for the FA, and as someone trying to connect with a couple people with that attachment style, I'd love to hear your experience with friendships. I don't think I'm necessarily FA, but I have my own struggles with maintaining friendships as well, and in some ways, they parallel the anxiety you described in this video.

@phonypin7328 Жыл бұрын

FINALLY feel for the first time that it all makes sense. I am a "why" person and although I have known everything you are talking about is who or how I am... I never knew WHY. Thank you for speaking on this topic!!

@piecornrose4831 Жыл бұрын

I love your channel! Can you please do a video on FA’s sleep issues with a partner? I love my boyfriend and want to be able to sleep with him but can’t. I feel like I’m always hyper vigilant with him and checking everything is okay.

@TheLena9191 Жыл бұрын

Wow, nailed so many things for me. I've been in therapy for social anxiety for 15years and thought I understood my situation well but somehow had so many light bulb moments listening to this. Thank you for the clarity!!!

@wavy6470 Жыл бұрын

This video really came at the perfect timing for me, thank you so much ❤ Your insight is incredibly helpful and I find myself relating to everything you say. I feel so validated while watching these videos! Oh, I also have the exact same pothos! 💚😊

@user-nh8sh1vm9d Жыл бұрын

Hi PAULIEN, I'm glad I came across your channel, I'm 32 years old and until recently I didn't even know I had generalized anxiety. Dealing with most of the symptoms lack of sleep, fatigue, body aches, dizziness and headaches. I left all kinds of jobs, I always went to hard physical jobs, with as little interaction with people as possible, jobs where you can't really develop, I also tend to please people, I also did it at home, with my parents, my brothers, etc...I have a difficult mother from a young age, she was critical of me, no matter how much I helped her at home, I worked as hard as she could, she was always looking for what was wrong, specifically me like a garbage god and the other sisters like angels, if I was sick I dealt with it alone. Of course there is a lot to tell about the family relationship but as of today I just want advice on where to start, I have also been called lazy a few times because of periods when I did not work. I am 32 years old and I want my independence, to conduct myself freely, I don't let people get too close to me, I very much avoid close relationships I kept dreaming of leaving the house for my independence, in the end I realized that I was afraid and I also didn't have the means to do so. I was also very ashamed at that time of the situation. I didn't share the shame with anyone. Is it possible to love and be loved when it's the most frightening thing about intimacy and commitment, as if I've gotten used to instability and suffering. Today I have to work, I want to work with people and clients because I have to open up to the world, I'm afraid of authority figures and afraid of making mistakes, fear of criticism, of course there is pressure from the future as well. Should I take this step despite the fear? I wanted friendship and 'girls connect with me, I cut contact without informing, just disappear, I want to be me and meet people from a more authentic place...help! The lack of experience in life and the shortcomings scare me I'm afraid that I don't have the necessary skills and experience, should I start working despite the fear?

@Anne..... Жыл бұрын

I also would be very grateful if you would like to say something about legitimate needs in a friendship vs neediness. I find it difficult to get a clear picture of what I can reasonably expect from a friendship. For instance is it normal to expect a friend to be attentive, interested and to hold space for something that is important to you? Is it normal to expect that friends ask questions and want you to elaborate when you have a problem, so that they can really understand the problem before they comment on it? As mentioned, I often end up in friendships with people who do not ask question when I tell something about my life and do not relate in any deep emotional sense to what I am saying. They seem to be more interested in telling me about their life and problems and I do ask questions and I am interested in what they are saying, but it is not the other way around. I don't know what to do about this. I have a need to be seen and heard and feel that my friends are interested, and part of me thinks that I choose the wrong friends since they do not want to offer this for me. On the other hand I sometimes think that perhaps I am expecting too much of other people. That I am needy because I never had this need met in my childhood. It is very difficult for me to get an understanding of this and therefore I personally would be grateful if you would comment on it in a video. Thank you.