Fearful Avoidant & The Ick: Understanding Attachment Style Signs | HealingFa.com

Discover how the 'Ick' phenomenon can be a sign of the fearful avoidant attachment style and why it's so confusing. In this video, we delve into understanding these signs to improve your relationship dynamics and emotional intelligence.
Sign up for the FREE 3-day course: The Basics of Healing the Fearful Avoidant attachment style, at www.healingfa.com
=============================
READY TO TRULY HEAL?
The Healed & Happy online program is now OPEN:
healingthefearfulavoidant.com/
Heal your fearful avoidant attachment style
- Transform your life
- Feel better, calmer, happier
- Create deep and lasting relationships and connections
Healed and Happy is an online program through an app, in the form of a tailormade journey that takes you to unshakeable peace, deeper love, connection and safety.
Click the link to learn more and sign up: healingthefearfulavoidant.com/
=============================
HEALING CARDS: healingcards.ck.page/69c153a5b2
I'm always looking for ways to help you in your healing journey.
These healing cards reveal what it looks and feels like to be healed.
These are the affirmations that will make healing the fearful avoidant attachment style so much easier.
You can use these as the background of your phone, or print them out and hang them anywhere.
Get them here: healingcards.ck.page/69c153a5b2
Video Title: Fearful Avoidant & The Ick: Understanding Attachment Style Signs | HealingFa.com
This video is about Fearful Avoidant & The Ick: Understanding Attachment Style Signs. But It also covers the following topics:
Fearful Avoidant Signs
The 'ick' Phenomenon
Attachment Style Indicators
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in':bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
✅ Stay Connected With Me.
👉Facebook: / healingthefearfulavoidant
‌👉Instagram: / healingthefearfulavoidant
✅ For Business Inquiries: [e-mail]
=============================
✅ Recommended Playlists
👉 Healing fearful avoidant attachment style
• Overcoming Fearful Avo...
👉The basics of the fearful avoidant attachment style
• Fearful Avoidant Attac...
✅ Other Videos You Might Be Interested In Watching:
👉 What 'Present Moment Magic' is and how to get there
• Unlock Present Moment ...
👉3 Reasons why you keep attracting the same kind of partners
• Breaking The Cycle: 3 ...
👉The Vulnerability Hangover - 5 Reasons why you pull back after being vulnerable
• Overcoming The Vulnera...
👉3 Taylor Swift lyrics that show fearful avoidant signs
• 3 Taylor Swift lyrics ...
👉4 Reasons why Fearful Avoidants make amazing partners
• Fearful Avoidants: 4 R...
=============================
✅ About Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant.
The way you feel right now is not the way you are. If you want more freedom, calm, love, and peace in your head, body, and life, it is absolutely possible. You are not too broken.
‌
After spending 14 years healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, I am beyond passionate and dedicated to getting you to where I am now: living a life true to myself, waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Deeply in love with my husband, and looking forward to the future. This is what life is supposed to be like, and it is my honor to help you get there.
‌
In the past 7 years, I have guided over 2000 people through my Dutch programs (I am from the Netherlands), to a secure attachment and happy relationship. Over the past year and a half, another 150 beautiful people have been through the English program Healed&Happy. I love seeing how lives can change within three months, and how NORMAL it can feel to have a secure attachment. I wish you so much joy, pleasure, and love.
For Collaboration and Business inquiries, please use the contact information below:
📩 Email: [e-mail]
🔔Subscribe for in-depth insights and guidance on the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, finding inner peace, emotional freedom, and healthy relationships that you are genuinely happy in':bit.ly/3p6Sqsu
=================================
#fearfulavoidant #theick #attachmentstyle #relationshipdynamics #personalgrowth #emotionalintelligence
Disclaimer: We do not accept any liability for any loss or damage incurred from you acting or not acting as a result of watching any of my publications. You acknowledge that you use the information I provide at your own risk. Do your own research.
© Paulien Timmer - Healing the fearful avoidant

[@prismaticdelta]

One concept that has helped me get past this is to separate my sense of identity from my partner and my relationship in general. I used to feel that my choice of partner in some way represented me, and that if they did or said something cringey or embarrassing, then it would reflect poorly on me. I now realise that it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I am my own person and should be judged on my own merits. Of course, if I have a partner behaving in a cruel, bigoted or harmful manner to others, then I don't think I should be enabling or overlooking that. But in general I find it useful to separate my sense of identity from my partner.

[@starlightbright]

I could’ve written this comment myself! My recent thoughts exactly. Thank you

[@sadiesaige]

This resonates so heavily!! Thank you for your comment

[@sadiesaige]

You saying that we often feel the ick or cringe towards things that we used to be judged for really hit. I started crying so much. In pretty much all of my relationships i have absorbed myself into the other and completly lost myself. So when my partner does things that i used to be condemned for, of course its going to be unsafe! And most of that is them just being their silly weirdo self which is something ive been working really hard to come back to. I was bullied very heavily by not only children, but also adults when i was young so that makes so much sense. Ive always had 'cringe' towards people being their weird authentic selves and also a sense of envy for shuttinf that part of myself off. YOU ARE SO AMAZINGLY HELPFUL

[@nolacanola]

I have the ick when my partner is really Into me and wants to be nice to me. What is that about? I feel like “yuck what is wrong with him?”

[@GlazedInfants]

daddy issues

[@cesverc]

Well you’re either suspicious of people who are nice to you because you’re excessively trying to stay away from danger, or you dont expect people to be nice to you because you think you are shit and dont deserve that, so they dont get your respect. In any case, therapy may help

[@lissie3669]

it might be that your parents never showed affection toward each other in front of you, so your gut now reacts to that behavior as though it's unacceptable. it could also be that you learned in childhood that letting people close to you gets you hurt, maybe because a parent acted chaotic or frightening in early childhood. They were supposed to protect you, but ended up hurting you the most. Your body is giving you the ick to prevent that from happening again.

[@yuzuu36]

Same helps

[@hahah4305]

@@lissie3669 omg that jut explained everything! thank u a LOT

[@wilsonrodrigues1293]

I cringed so hard, when today i was talking to a friend of mine about love, the healthy way she expressed her vision about these warm feelings made me cringed so damn hard, and its because i have low tolerance more "mushy-mushy" stuff, but i allways have a reminder about this avoidant way of being and still healing parts of myself xD

[@taylormfinney]

Oh my gosh, the ick has been a daily experience for me in my relationship and it causes so much pain. I feel like such a judgmental person because from a logical point of view I know it’s not right to judge my partner that way. Your video helped me understand this feeling so much. It is so familiar to me, and I always thought it meant that my partner is a bad match for me, but that also never seemed like the right explanation because we have such a loving and supportive relationship. “The ick is a mirror” is a phrase I will continue to repeat to myself throughout my healing journey. Thank you ❤

[@lalala-lt8fe]

My ick isn't a fear of connection, it's the opposite. I get ick when the connection has been lost but my partner still wants to kiss, snuggle or have sex with me. It's being close to someone I don't have a connection with that gives me ick.

[@avrielpietsch]

same 😭

[@ThirdPlanetAstrology]

YES

[@MrsRobinson398]

Same!

[@yveqeshy]

Just found myself going ick after a phone call with someone and I has to come back here for support

[@coreygeiger81]

Glad I sparked a new video topic. The analogy about having a set of rules you abide by and expect your partner to abide by as well was 1000% on the mark. I couldn’t have said it any better

[@CapeEniEer]

Thank you so much for this!!! Everything i read on the ick told me to break up, and then i found this video!! Yes i do have fearful attachment style and i do have the ick over something really stupid and im choosing to stay with him and work through this with him and i cant be happier!

[@amylee3904]

This this this 🙌 I've had so many bad relationships, been ghosted by a man with load red flags. Another guy asked me on a date and he's been lovely. At the end of the date he kept wanting to kiss me and it gave me the ick, not because he kissed me but because he did it so many times. I'm seeing him again tonight for a meal. I feel bad about it, because I enjoy his company but he's just too perfect and over affectionate 🙈 Can't win, I either rant about the wrong ones treating me like garbage or get icked out by men that are better for me.

[@CitiesOfAsh]

Hypergamy isn't being satisfied by him. Being affectionate is a womans part in the relationship.

[@djenning90]

I experienced this when my partner talks about his outstanding education at top schools, or praises others for that. I went to a good but not top school, and also have it beaten into me to be humble, and not be elitist. It played out exactly like your story. And your explanation and advice are spot on for me, and so lovingly delivered. Thank you ❤

[@videofreak40]

Just a thought: Isn't this 'Ick' comparable with the 'splitting' mechanism of the borderline personality disorder? Someone triggers old wounds in you and suddenly you can't hold unto the positive feeling of them... I've experienced this many times with guys that i was in love with from a distance....I wrote complete diaries about them, how special, nice and goodlooking they were etc etc....the MOMENT they showed an interest in me, the attraction faded away like snow melting in the sun....and there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't even know how it felt before...I thought they were ugly and repulsive...and felt very guilty about it towards them because it made no sense to me and it was hard for me to hide it as well. I struggled with this a lot. Now I'm doing better with my current boyfriend, but it's still a struggle sometimes if he comes really close and unlocks old pain...but I've felt how it can benefit me and also the relationship if I don't give up so easily anymore, so I stick to that, but God it's hard sometimes.

[@xtraterrestriiial-love]

Do you have some tips on how to deal with that? I've been struggling with the exact same thing but I don't know how to help myself

[@ashwaqahmed9656]

Great to hear that you are doing good.

[@leescuderi8331]

Thats what I thought which is why I think its part of a cluster B personality style, People with those disorder will split you black or white and once you are split black you are all bad. It can be anything...the way you eat, your cloths. Anything.

[@videosbybug]

i imagine that with BPD one of the most prevalent attachment styles seen in people who have it is likely fearful avoidant!

[@spandan2666]

bro you're describing me man 😢

[@danidisco284]

this video gave me so much clarity. I can't thank you enough for this series!

[@theroselenses1584]

thank you so much for covering such a specific topic! very relatable

[@meesh1002]

I get the ick frequently when I meet someone and I get turned off by their mannerisms or if they dress a certain thing. I thought this was normal but then I realized that I’m terrified to be in a stuck in a relationship when im not attracted to him. I’ve been in that situation in the past..

[@candymountain6325]

liberating! love that! thank you x

[@destaniehugs67]

yes!! related to everything you're saying so much. i love knowing im not alone :)

[@sharonjumba4648]

Thank you for sharing this, it has brought me to tears. Awareness of my attachment style has made me aware and enabled me to function better.

[@lifeisbeautiful7047]

You're an angel guide ♡ Thanks for the Clarification

[@yudollia]

I have NEVER thought of it this way. This was illuminating…. Thanks

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

Every one of your videos is an absolutely incredible gift to me (and many others!). You are amazing and thank you, thank you, thank you!!💜💕💖🙏

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ah I appreciate you so much Nicole!

[@rebeccaa5555]

what an angel, thank you, this really helped xx

[@namorange55]

Wow! Can’t thank you enough for sharing your experience. I’m right now going through something similar and it’s so strong. I was never aware there is a name for this feeling. I just suddenly stopped loving my partner and I feel extremely angry towards him and wanting to end things. But I guess I’ll try and challenge this “ick”

[@ashleysanchez5338]

Super helpful. Thank you!

[@lifeisbeautiful7047]

Aldo you shouldn't feel shameful to tell how you felt about your partner, he must understand that it has nothing to do with him, it's just your unhealed wounded child sabotaging your relationships, nobody chooses to be a FA yet it's our own mission to heal it

[@iokcs]

Thank you for this.

[@yuzuu36]

The video really helped me realise stuff. Thank you

[@juliebabin5330]

Helped for sure thank you

[@jolicoeur007]

I like yours videos, very helpful. Dank u wel!

[@Compassion3333]

WOW!!! I never knew this was valid or recognized or could be explained...... I thought it was because I have a Gemini moon and I just completely adore and love them but can feel repelled by them the next moment... back and forth... but come to find out, I am a Fearful Avoidant to the T!!!!!! Every reason, every sign! Your channel is helping me SO MUCH! I’m watching a video of yours everyday trying to heal! I’ve been practicing your EFT technique and hope you do more because your words are sooo powerful!!!! Thanks for letting me know I’m not crazy or alone and bringing so much clarity and hope. Wow....

[@itschris8601]

I wish this video had existed a good 20 years ago 😄This is the first time that I heard somebody putting the attachment style and the experience together and it explains what I have been feeling quite often since my late teen years. It is of course still relevant for me today - and your video has given me some reassurance. Thanks!

[@ThePrincezzG]

Thank you for this

[@kaliahpratt885]

This was so helpful and resonated with me so much

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Thank you for being here❤

[@georginahagenhnatiuk662]

It is an interesting story. Good example. You had the ick due to growing up in a Danish family who practice The Law Of Jante, or Janteloven. It was a culture clash with Americanism. You example was such a good example, because two different attachment styles are like two worlds colliding. Neither is wrong. There is always some divinity to find in the purpose of ones attachment style.

[@ljoshi4913]

I’m really glad I searched for this - this explains a lot. Usually I’m an anxious attachment style but I’m currently dating a man who is either stable or anxious (I can’t tell) and I notice how I have become avoidant. Is this something that can happen or am I misinterpreting my behaviour? I noticed on our last date when he held my hand I just shut down completely and spent the rest of the date in my head wishing I was somewhere else.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

This is definitely something that can happen! Fearful avoidants crave connection and intimacy, just like the Anxious Preoccupied do. But AP love it when that connection is there, and cannot get enough of it, whereas the FA is also afraid of it. So when you do meet someone that's consistently available, FA's tend to shut down and deactivate! Does that make sense?

[@videofreak40]

Very recognizable!

[@gogohappygirl]

A lot of people who think they are AA or actually FA. The fact that you are becoming avoidant while dating somebody who isAA/secure suggest that you may in fact be FA. You can be FA leaning Aa. Thais Gibson has lots of great videos about this on her channel, as well.

[@zee-zm1io]

@@gogohappygirl this is so helpful. I thought I was AA but dependent on who I’m with. I’m actually currently on the FA side 😅

[@koala01111986]

​@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 it's awful to lose a great connection and relationship only because you are constantly available (even as a recovery FA) and your FA gets triggered 'cos the relationship is smooth, connected and present and runs away

[@SaminSays]

if you guys feel comfy, could we even see an interview with you and your partner to discuss together how to rebalance FA into secure attachment in a relationship?

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I will ask him!

[@becurious17]

I would love to see that kind of interview too.

[@morehn]

She's married

[@SaminSays]

@@morehn indeed. I say partner to be inclusive

[@morehn]

@@SaminSays if you already know they're married, what inclusive about that?

[@joules_sw]

I got ditched because she had the ick on me, I was really not expecting that to happen

[@tulip5210]

5:58 I think I understand what you mean from this example!

[@IKFKSwitch]

The worst is when you realize you've caused the ick in someone else. Maybe the anxious part comes on too strong, there's limerance, too much of an eager "like me" vibe. People shy away from that anyway, when they pick up on it, but if, as an FA, you find yourself attracted to a dismissive avoidant, well... just say goodbye. They aren't coming back. I was ok with feeling sad, but I just can't handle the embarrassment and going over what I think I did wrong; counting how many times I texted to see if it was too much, thinking about how I acted in front of them, what we talked about... and believing 100% it was my fault.

[@RobbiJamesVogt]

My ex partner was repulsed by me…. She has a low self esteem and because of this - we both lose.

[@Truckguy1970]

I can tell when my FA partner gets the ick, she won't get near me, her voice is monotone and her eyes look dead

[@tc7605]

You are Dutch!!! My father is from Chronigen and my mother is Friezen!!! I just found you and I relate to all this…. I’m not attracted and he just proposed to me… I’m trying to understand what’s going on…. I’m having so many doubts.

[@lifeisbeautiful7047]

That's how I sabottaged my past relationships with my Soulmates

[@Mbeezxoxo]

Sameee 🥲

[@therealest1229]

Had to subscribe after this 😭

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Thank you!!

[@taylorttg5500]

Jesus loves you Pauline ❤❤this was so helpful thankssss

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

You a very welcome!

[@alitres2947]

The fact that a majority of women needed to hear this.. says allot about how the toxic insecure men in society who are mostly effected by the “ick” have been acting to protect their display of venerability towards women from this primitive sort of ‘defense mechanism’ triggered behavior. Leaving someone you’ve chosen to commit to for a human venerability seems like societal induced narcissism at it’s core. TikTok has been fueling this phenomenon for a while now. Probably wasn’t like this 40 years ago in regards to dating and marriage.. The world is changing and people are changing with it so quickly.. that impact is kind of scary imo

[@natatattful]

Could you clarify the first part?

[@hspinnovators5516]

Yes THIS comment is everything. It's for depopulation purposes especially since so many are unwilling to take responsibility or change. 😢

[@Martabtf]

I wish i had seen this sooner... I never understood why i got so disgustted from that guy... I now i just cry all the time

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

Hi again Paulien! I hope you're well! Can having FA attachment cause us to see everyone besides our partner to look super attractive while feeling unattracted to the partner? And if it's not too personal for you to share..did you feel super attracted to Arian ever before healing your FA attachment? Do you feel more attracted to him now than you ever did before you healed?

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Yess, it absolutely can! It's the fact that those other people don't come too close. You don't have a relationship with them, it doesn't become too real, so it's easier to feel attraction. Not feeling attraction is a deactivation mechanism when true connection and somebody coming too close scares you. I definitely do feel way more attracted to him now! I think the attraction was always there, I just allow it now, because I'm not scared of it anymore. Does that help?

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 thank you *always* for your time and responses.. you're so generous! That definitely does make perfect sense! Are you even more attracted to him now than you ever were on your best, calmest, happiest days, before you healed? Thanks again, hugs to you!❤🤗

[@tulip5210]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 I needed to hear this 😭

[@s0me0nelse]

I can put sense in the rejection towards people who show arrogancy. If they arrogant they must be shallow and selfish, who hold high importance of themselves, if they are like that, they are more likely to prefer their own interests than mine in a crossroads, and it may hurt me and i can feel neglected or betrayed by their behaviour.

[@raytracer5726]

I like how there are so many individuals, who get "the ick" from the most irrelevant things, yet will ignore the obvious red flags. Like drinking, smoking, having tatoos, having criminal record seems less of a turn off in the current year, then having too much fun on a date or being too nice.

[@asdhufgh4yu37sdhsdfhh6]

if they are getting it from affection and normal relationship shit its probably due to past trauma or other similar issues

[@rachel4339]

Because those people with the “red flags” you described are often emotionally unavailable, and it’s often emotional connection that creates the ick in the first place.

[@MS-ns4ki]

My ick is a dude who thinks they can leave me for others and come back . Big ick . Very rude.

[@kaiglembocki]

Ily A

[@s0me0nelse]

Some of the traits you feel lessing your attraction to someone are standards that you have that protect you from harming others. So for example, if someone gossip with you about someone else intimate things, it can be a very big turn off for me, because i will see him dangerous and unreasonable with my intimacy

[@sarakunb621]

The ick for me came when a guy bought a coke with dinner. I thought everyone knew the crazy amount of sugar it has... I never drink it, its so unhealthy.

[@ajdeming4416]

Yep…

[@philima]

I have biig problems with the ick...

[@zaram131]

I have this feeling A LOT. I probably will never get married because of it.

[@zondorf]

Paulien's experience is interesting to me, that anything that suggested a lack of humility was a turn-off. It's been my impression is that a lot of women are attracted to cockiness and bravado. In my own marriage my wife would verbally "punish" me for lacking confidence if I made any kind of humble statement about my abilities in some area, even if I felt it was an accurate assessment.

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Thank you for sharing your experience, its very valuable!

[@LaisCordiolli]

I've never had any symptoms of fearful avoidant. I am in a relationship and he's completely in love with me, I feel suffocated with so much demonstrations of affection. It's a long distance relationship, it's been 5 months now and he's overly sexual, I feel like a piece of meat when we talk on vídeo. After a while, I feel so disgusted that is unbelievable! I don't know what to do.

[@JC-ei3ci]

Can you have this with friends and your parents?

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Absolutely!

[@sarahkercheval8964]

I got the icky feeling when he was gawking at some girl in public while out with me on a date 😞 we’ve had problems with this before but this is the first time I just felt disgusted by him and I don’t want him to even touch me or talk to me

[@fatema1018]

I’m currently feeling the ick for my very best friend. I couldn’t stand her for days and still am. Is that normal?

[@fatema1018]

She hasn’t done anything wrong btw and she really loves me. She have been through a rough time lately and I feel like she is being emotionally independent on me and talks to me every single day which is too much for me. I stopped talking to her for days now and she just texted me. I still feel the “ick”. Someone tell me this is normal please😭

[@fatema1018]

Omg it just hit me! She was saying how sad she was feeling when I first felt the ick, and few years back, I was experiencing a very hard time in my life and when I went crying to my mother she shamed me for being “too sensitive”. I felt I couldn’t be weak in front of other people and now that she is being weak in front of me is just I can’t tolerate it- you’re absolutely true with every word you said! Thank you very much!! everything makes sense now and I understand myself better because of you💕 Really THANK YOU

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I love the self insights here! It makes total sense!

[@wendyland2582]

Smacking… how do o say that kindly. It is complete ick.

[@gogohappygirl]

Two words: shadow work.

[@_deut6.9]

the ick is different for all people. I get the ick when the man starts acting like a girl. or when i see something off about him.... litttle fibs and lying.... arrogance acts like a chotch. then i see him do something weird after his character is off i immediately get the ick cuz my dad is like christian bale in batman he's such a deep generous quiet strong man who is insanely organized and is a MAN'S MAN and if the guy acts like a lying wishy washy doesn't know himself and insecure then i'll get the ick so fast i'll block him

[@mikaysro873]

does anyone feel the ick if ur boyfriend acts cute 😭

[@hspinnovators5516]

Definitely

[@amitsalaskar1024]

99% of ppl dnt understand themselves to understand the ick. No one invests time today to understand themselves. Breakups are rampant as everyone is so self absorbed and running behind "fake" superficial beauty that the world will be soon full of single frustrated ppl. Instead of relating the ick in relationship promote self awareness. labelling ur fears and insecurities as FA DA is not an excuse to contiguously damaging good ppl in the world

[@johnsobieski3642]

My boundary is simple. Stay away from the crazies.

[@baberkhan7366]

Hiding the 'ick' is extremely selfish and dishonest. You are downgrading your partner, hating them on the inside, but hiding it from them to preserve your 'security' just to give YOURSELF time to think more about it. Meanwhile, your clueless partner is the butt of the joke. Shame on anyone hiding this from their partner.

[@Mixablemike]

I disagree. It isn't Intentenial and not setting out to hurt anyone. You want to be sure your doing the right thing and giving the relationship a fighting chance before throwing it away and hurting them. Even though I got the ick over some things, there is also alot of things that is very appealing and amazing about the guy im with so I'm not wanting to make any rash decisions before being completely sure to save myself and him from hurt. It isn't selfish at all. You can't help the way you feel and it's not not to be with someone and have these turn offs. It's confusing for the person feeling this way also

[@RaizerZ]

I just found about this ick thing not too long ago. I had no idea women were this insanely judgemental.

[@hspinnovators5516]

I think it's mostly men who display this protective mechanism

[@MostlyCloudy]

And here I thought I was just a bitch. 😩

[@teamjesus6383]

Sounds more like you can’t conquer your narcissistic & evil spirits

[@user-tp4rj2yw8b]

Emotionally unavailable men give me the ick. I think relationships are gross , boring and out dated .

[@lite7769]

women are so confusing

[@MsSimpleMovies]

In my case, it's my husband who's confusing. I hope things get better for us both.

[@Ytdeletesallmycomments]

No only the crazy ones 😂

[@shaho3125]

I had no idea there was a name for this... I have been getting this feeling periodically for years and years. Thank you for finally giving it a name. 🙏🥲

[@angeliaangel1757]

its scary how easy i get the ick, i just know this person for 3 days, and on our date, he give me the ick from the t-shirt he wears and how he drive 🥲😭 (theres nothing wrong w both actually) he wears very well ironed striped t-shirt, so i stopped looking at his t-shirt 🥲🥲

[@j_fitzu]

@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 When I'm in the presence of a prospective partner I really struggle with either an overwhelming amount of ick or a being so attracted that I'm obsessed feeling. And its not fleeting. I usually know pretty quick if its an ick situation because the thought of having anything romantic with them will repulse me so intensely that its as if I were dating my brother. It tends to happen mostly with men who are clingy/needy or have a very negative or poor self image but also with men who tend to not demand respect or have any boundaries. I'm now aware that its because I too have a very negative self image (which I've unsuccessfully been working hard to heal). Anyway, I've been able to spot this ick since I was in the 6th grade. And realized that I was attracted to the ones who presented a challenge way back in high school. I recently realized there's almost no in between for me (im now 47). I just started to assume that anytime I was actually attracted to someone they were going to be emotionally unavailable and became resolute to be alone until I could fix my broken picker. I now know what a healthy, respectful relationship looks like. But how do I turn off that almost immediate strong ick/obsession feeling so I can accept love from someone who is good for me instead of friend zoning him for life and stop obsessing over the very few I'm attracted to who will never meet my emotional needs? All of your exampls are wonderful but they are all about having periods of ick with your current partner. I can't even GET to the partner part to have only "periods" of ick. Its either ick or obsession, no in between which prevents any relationship from happening. Sorry for the length and thanks for any tips.

[@natatattful]

Wow, I relate completely; this is definitely something I understand.

[@hspinnovators5516]

Also relate.... autism?