5 Things to "Never" Say When Fighting (How to Communicate) | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat

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In this video, I share the 5 rules for fair fighting and how to keep the connection strong in your relationship.
The 5 rules to fair fighting are:
1. No Name-Calling
2. No Labeling
3. No Bringing Up The Past
4. Avoid the words Always and Never
5. No Hitting Below The Belt
When you increase the respect and quality of your communication with by following these rules, you'll experience greater connection, and have an easier time getting through tough disagreements.
Please post a comment on this video... I'd love to hear your thoughts about this topic!
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Mat Boggs Bio:
As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
Mat s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time.
As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living!
Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.
If you re interested in receiving help attracting love or improving your relationship click here: www.crackingthemancode.com/coa...
Related Topics:
Dating Advice For Women
Relationship Advice For Women
Relationship Coach For Women
Dating Coach For Women
Dating, Relationships, understanding men, Dating Advice, Love Advice Relationship Advice, How Men Think, What Men Want, What attracts men, How to attract a man, how to create lasting love, how to know if he likes you, signs your man likes you.

[@matboggs]

Unlock the SECRET qualities men find irresistible with this FREE e-book: www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/relationship/mag/5-feminine-qualities

[@silvias7319]

Rule 1: do not name call Rule 2: do not label Rule 3: Don’t bring up the past Rule 4: Avoid the words “Always” and “Never” Rule 5: Don’t use personal information from them to create an attack

[@denillearenga7274]

how can u avoid those thing's?hmmn normal in arguments saying bad, but agree don't mention the past.

[@sageartchannel3363]

@@denillearenga7274 not normal...name calling is definitely bad. How can name call someone you love???

[@echoskolumne1962]

When I started my first relationship late (I was 23 he was 39) I had already spent years researching what men really want. Respect. They even choose respect over love. I had the right mind set, but the wrong man. Despite him being 15 years older, he was still a kid inside, living alone all his life. He wanted to marry me as fast as possible. But I worried about his obvious mental health issues. I told him, I would need more than a few months to get to know him. And that he should get professional help before we could marry. He dismised all this and so I broke up.

[@mucnagow2]

The only thing I would add to that great list is listen to hear not to have a comback.

[@yunitalestari445]

Key of a happy relationship is RESPECT 1. No name calling 2. No labeling 3. No bringing up the past 4. Avoid the words always and never 5. No hitting below the belt Can I have a do over? I got of on the wrong foot.

[@jlifaw]

best advice I've heard. wise for a young man. your wife is blessed.

[@jayanthbathula9450]

Arе уоoou maааaking thеse mistakes with уоur mаn? twitter.com/aab1113af7197bdfd/status/804693412402241537 5 Things Tоooo Nеeeеvеr Saу When Fighting How ТТo Communicсcаtе

[@beevang7967]

Amen. The GOLDEN rules my bf told us was to never bring up the past and must chose words wisely when mad. Words killed.

[@veronicastewart3162]

Hmmm...I am sending this to him with an apology and a note about how I love that we always look for ways to improve our journey...then a suggestion to post these on the fridge for a time ... Again practical and relevant ...

[@raadgirl5804]

This is exactly how my husband and I had a great marriage for 42 years. He passed 3 years ago. This is all so true. And we never threatened with the D (divorce) word.

[@Dawnygirl66]

"Toxic" key word for what happens and I have been there too many times. Trying really hard to absorb all of your advice and information in all your videos. I'm going back into an old relationship with someone I love with all my heart and cannot get over, we still love each other deeply, just didn't get along. After watching all your videos I am understanding why...I pray that with all this new knowledge and by the grace of God it works this time... My life feels empty without him ...Much ♥ to you and your wife

[@luulips]

Dawny C I pray it works out for you. I'm also talking to an ex that I'm thinking about getting back with and realized we were having communication issues so these tools will come in handy.

[@cherylpartl1182]

Thanks Matt!! I'm going to immediately establish the "do over" in my current relationship...as we all say things without thinking!! I'm 71 and have learned so much from your videos. Women who feel that you're talking to "women only" need to suggest to their man that they too watch and simply reverse the information to themselves. Much of this we've learned along the way but are always open to being educated. By the way, the love of my life is 15 years younger than me (and no, I'm not rich!). With age comes wisdom (which Matt found through his interviews) so listen up youngsters!!

[@hsfshampoorambutlebat3577]

True. I can say i use almost all of that when fighting and when i want to win in an argument. But end up regret saying all those things. Thank You mathew for the tips. After this i should learn how to fair fighting☺☺

[@marygraceamoroso6578]

omg..i only started watching one of your video one time,and now i cant stop to keep watching and following !what an helpful advice!God bless!

[@mariatereza6083]

I can''t understand how someone would not like this video. My Goodness!!

[@HannahABrady]

this is so great. you provide not just thingsNOT to do, but the positive way to do it as well. this is really helpful. thanks.

[@BYCZW01]

Beautiful and inspiring!! So blessed to be following you on this channel. Much love to you. I appreciate you very much.

[@kararodriguez7940]

My parents use to sit down to talk about everything and anything that was going on at home with us the kids, house, there business, family, Marriage And anything else. The one thing I can say is that they never used any offensive words or never yelled and if they said anything that was miss understood they would ask what do you mean by that can you explain, but if they were upset about something they would wait until the emotions were under control before sitting down to talk. now I use this in my marriage thanks mom and dad

[@lilyislivinginchina]

I can't agree more!! The worse is the number 4! This one can be really really hurtful! Real talk! It's been 3 days I have been watching your video but I don't often comment. But this one is really important I will show it to some friends!👍🏾

[@sarahshabnah2654]

Thanks Matt I've been doing mistakes without notice after your advice now I know how I'll deal with it

[@teddynkwabi4502]

Hi Matt! My name is Sia.... So I just started watching your videos today and I can't seem to stop watching them(its 2am BTW) , I absolutely love your attitude and mostly your ability to empathize with us all. Can't believe I never came across your videos all this time 😀 up until tonight ☺. You've literally changed my life's direction and encouraged me to self-meditate but most of all I've just realized how vital personal growth is despite being in a relationship for both my sake and that of my partner in maintaining a happy, healthy and everlasting relationship. Thank you for all the advice, God bless you and your family!

[@sharmilat8115]

This video Really helped..I used to use always word ,but after seeing this understood how man will take it. Thanks Matt

[@MatthewCoast]

Thank you for making this video! I appreciate all of the advice. Keep up the good work!

[@laureen9576]

I wish I would have had these tools when I was younger, but even at 70 it’s never too late! Onward and Upward, and you’re Amazing!🤩Thank you!😁

[@sezza271]

Do overs sound awesome! The way you supported your wife and requested help with your project was brilliant! Will definitely take this forward into all my current and future relationships with people 💯😄👍

[@iwindmello79]

This is the best. Thank you for sharing these gems. I could use this. I love the way how you have clearly mentioned.

[@wendyamato4472]

Wow Thank You!! Mat!! I can apply this NOW 10 years into my marriage!! Thank You!!

[@jaysQuill]

wow, all of this we did when I was married, definitively I will save this video for the moment I find my new love... thank you

[@candys429]

Thanks for video Mat, after i send this video to my boyfriend, our conversation was smooth and we understand each other more deeply. Before i send this video to him we always alot arguments and fighting. Thank you so much for the video Mat. Love to watch your all videos.

[@gypsyqueen2015]

Mat, Just came across your videos last month and I love them! You certainly get much of you great advice across in short, impactful clips. I am 67, never married semi retired sales professional who supposedly is a successful communicator😂 Well, I am renewing an old college friendship with a very successful guy and we got caught up in a “miscommunication” that I made worse by “hinting” and not addressing the issue head on. I didn’t know how to turn it around and remembered this video and re-watched it. I wrote him a playful email asking for a “Do -Over.” I explained what it meant and then gave a short and sweet but direct explanation of why I got so emotional. I ended the email with “Can we have a Do-Over?” Within 10 minutes he responded with “You can have anything you want!!!” He called, I did not mention the topic (as promised) and we talked for 30 minutes. I’m in NJ, he’s in Paris. Thank you, Mat! You are a Godsend!

[@yvonnejohn220]

I try working on this myself.....just a everyday thing but I have never thought about it in this way. Way: meaning in a relationship w the guy that I want and care about. Thanks so much Matt, I am definitely going to try it. out.

[@bebetterhalves]

Great video, Matt! The points on name calling and labelling are so important!

[@photinipaleshi3994]

I am so glad that i found you dear, you have the best advice and answers that i need right now .Thank you from the bottom of my heart .Bless you and yours

[@marilynchristie6727]

that usually happens I never thought of it that way.. you show light on things I wouldn't of thought of 👌

[@Medusa5150]

I'm definitely going to share the "do over" phrase with my hubby & see if he would like to implement it . Thanks

[@marykissel9273]

Good pointers....especially the issue of respect as a foundation to a good relationship !

[@michellemccullough446]

Respect is one of the biggest things in a relationship. As well as communication. But this was good thank you.

[@daniasantiago6833]

wow! is sad to recognize i was guilty at least #3 of them ( never/ always - name calling - hitting below the belt). Thanks for your advice i started seeing your videos before this new relationship happen. and to be honest it's really working .Thanks for the great advice.

[@gueralove8310]

You just opened my eyes in my own arguments. Wow, thank you

[@stephanierumenapf5404]

Again: important in content and so vivid in language/presentation Thanx from Germany

[@natachapem2986]

Great video Matt, thank you. I totally agree with respect. I always tell any guy I'm dating "It doesn't matter if you love me if you don't respect me". If a guy respects you, he will love you, trust you, understand you, tell you the truth, encourage you, advice you etc. 1- Fortunately I'm not guilty of name calling. Actually I've never been into a very serious, loud or violent argument. I'm too quiet sometimes for my boyfriend's liking. 2- I'm guilty of labeling. One day, my boyfriend said he was visiting but rather hung out with his friends and came very late so I refused to open the door; I didn't even react; I was busy singing and ignoring him until he left. That's the incident that actually made me set him straight. I told him I would take a lot of things but disrespect was not one of them. I would walk away without blinking. He just sat there and listened in shame. 3- I think mentioning the past once in a while is necessary to make one understand how far he's gone in not changing at all. I'm the quiet type so I don't usually complain. The day I do, I would bring past events because I had not mentioned them when they happened. 4- "Always" and "Never"? Not sure. Not the arguing type so I wouldn't use them that often. 5- It's common that when people get angry, they want to say hurtful things to each other. My boyfriend's father wasn't actually a good father; he abandoned his mother and this gave him mommy and daddy issues (an absent father that he 'hates' and a mother he adores and worships sometimes too much for my liking). This often scares me when I think about marrying him. Btw "do-overs" sound great.

[@JennyLocklin]

Great advice Mat! My Dad, Joel Weldon told me all about your videos. Your content is fantastic! I will be sharing this video with others. The message was so clear and helpful and I appreciate that you gave us a solution...the do-over:)

[@evankalewis7084]

Mat omg thank you.ive not realised this before. You are totally awesome.

[@pdr3218]

What if he never says a single word. When you express yourself with tears, anger, love, humility and every possible emotion, what if he just does NOT say a single word?

[@denillearenga7274]

that's worst coz u cannot hear his side

[@kids3cats3]

That is so hard!

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Then he just doesn't care and you're better off just moving on.

[@warriormanmaxx8991]

@Pinky D Ramnani - "He" either does not know what to say, or is incapable of responding. 5 years has gone by ... either you have accepted the situation, or have moved on. Best wishes.

[@twoten2547]

Then you dealing with a toxic person and no amount of doing the right can help. Just guard and love yourself at all time.

[@aavety]

Thank you Matt! The information you share is just amazing! It helps a lot!!! Much gratitude from Russia)))

[@maurapritchard1336]

Another great video. And this advice can be used in friendships as well as a love relationships

[@MelodyVioline]

I love it when you give examples from the interactions between you and your wife :)

[@mrseviemae]

Great advice. Thank you, love the “do over”.

[@cynthiagraeff2979]

Matt I love your blogs but this one is a true platinum diamond excellent view and template as conflict resolution not only in an personal relationship, but to be used in other avenues as well as a positive way to express difference of opinions and still be respectful. It’s ok to disagree but not disrespect others in our lives.

[@cleoprovoost8647]

definetly trying this out !! love your vids, so glad i discovered your channel today. greetings from Belgium (:

[@crystalgridart3610]

Great advice I'm really excited to implement this into my life. I love the "do-over"!

[@matboggs9517]

+joyful gabby Right on!

[@Mariam_0224]

This's really useful even with my parent, I like your contact.

[@pastoralexiaburgesshuart2020]

Thaaaaaaaaankkk Uuuuuuuuuuu, Matt! Priceless info!!!!

[@ashjade86]

I have to admit that I'm guilty of these. 😢😞😔

[@ishtarashtaroot7126]

You are amazing Matt.Thank you very much. God bless you.

[@ralgeorge7030]

Needed this ...thank you very much

[@omawumigrant2637]

I am generally a very nice and polite person. MAthew thanks a million for your videos. I have learnt a lot. AAm over 40, was married for 15yrs before my husband passed on. And now am just learning and understanding why we had our fights, lolz. though funny now, but I really wish I knew these stuff - life would have been more blissful. But I know when God gives me a second chance, there is a lot I will do and say differently. Thanks.

[@micheleshepherd5300]

I was already feeling like it's better if I just keep my mouth shut but after listening to this, I'M SURE I SHOULD JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!!

[@99leave]

that's so true, I always tell my married friends that, but they never believed me!. I hate to be treated like that from anybody. but, the problem is I don't know how to make them stop it. I mostly end up loosing the relationship whether because they don't change! or I don't have the energy to continue teaching them over and over again!

[@jeffscott941]

I must say, it is refreshing to see so many women in the comments really trying to learn how to work on their relationship and how to communicate. I usually expect things that will need to be worked out early in relationships but in my experience the females expect me to do all the work. Not sure if it is my demographic culture or if I’m just attracted to the wrong types of women.

[@Zwillinge26]

Such a helpful video..Thank you Matt you are awesome..

[@cindyclark4438]

You ARE Brilliant.....Great advice for women AND MEN...

[@DebbieThompsonYourEnergyDoctor]

Such great information Matthew Boggs! I am off to share this video on my blog. Thank You!

[@matboggs9517]

+Debbie Thompson Thanks for sharing the love Debbie!

[@godsdaughter_1234]

thank you mat for this video. it is amazing an excellent advice. I posted it on my facebook timeline. i'm going to write down the things you said. this is definitely an area that I need to work on.

[@lilyadormlilyange8265]

Am so grateful, thank for your advice

[@LabriniSL]

So, the "5 fair fighting rules" are: 1)No name calling (e.g. you're a jerk). 2)No labeling, i.e. putting a name call on a behavior or action (e.g. that was so selfish/rude etc). 3)No bringing up the past. We must stay focused on what we're discussing at that moment and not talk about similar mistakes/situations of the past. 4)Avoid the words "always" and/or "never". 5)No hitting below the belt (e.g. you're just like your dad). ➡To follow the 3rd and 4th rule, we can have a conversation about the past later, when we're sober or the next day. Ιn my opinion, this is an important and necessary conversation to prevent similar unpleasant situations in the future. *The "tool" that can help us avoid conflicts/fights is to ask for "do-overs". For example, if we're stressed out someday and start a conversation talking abruptly, we can pause for a few seconds, take a deep breath and ask to restart the conversation talking kindly, explaining our point of view and showing empathy and understanding to the other person. (We should always be kind and respectful to everyone, especially to the people we love and above all to our most beloved person in the world! This is implied for those who feel true love for someone! 🙂)*

[@hellotherealien]

100% got it: a "do-over". Great advice. Ill try it (when I get into a relationship. But wait.. Ill apply it to all my family friends type relationships too. Lol. Thx much💚). Namaste💓❤💜💙💚💛💞🙏🙏🙏🌟🌟🌟👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@radhika52023]

This video is a blessing! Thank you so much

[@margueritedejonge4557]

So true Mat...Thanks. I really enjoy your videos. :)

[@misszey254]

omg...am so bad at this.i knw my mistakes now..thnx for this

[@sarah_cary]

These are great, especially the do-over idea!

[@adwoaannan3104]

you are full of wisdom! great advice.

[@myriambahri7320]

I love the do-over tip! Funny how we do this all the time as kids playing but forget about it as we grow up.

[@micheleshepherd5300]

But what if the "do over" is done again and again and again? Then there's no resolve.

[@nardoskaros4434]

You are very helpful! Wish I have learned this

[@pattis8945]

Best advice, Ever! Thank you!

[@velinaveleva7704]

Hi Mat, I found your video very helpful. You bring some very relevant behaviours to avoid in a fight. It happened to me a few times that I was in a fight and these behaviours were used against me, that made me feel weak and uncomfortable around the person for a long time. Luckily this person is not my significant other. And it makes me wonder, if there is a universal way to confront these behaviours when you notice them in the other person, while remaining respectful and not hurting their feelings?

[@evamarek5205]

Thank you for this video.

[@shahidafridivlogs9342]

Thank you so much for the information

[@user-ju3mt4et6s]

GREAT advice. Thanks always!

[@ramupuri8238]

Thank you... priceless advises.

[@weena982]

Thank you for the great advice. Too bad that not everybody is like you.

[@ramonaphillipsteach3284]

So true. Good Video!! Great advice.

[@befree6005]

Thank you. Another one would be do not start sentence with “ why”

[@soniaindigo]

Mat this video is SO GOOD!!!Thank You !🙏

[@azurekittyball]

I get your point on the usage of always and never, which is never use them with accusations. But "you never hurt me" works fine. :p I always like your videos. And what's interesting is, as a woman with a male brain(I'm autistic), when I hear you talking about what men are like, I feel "this guy really gets me!" You've helped me understand myself better! lol

[@CryStealHeart]

I did the always n never a few days ago. Well bringing up the one time the one time you something right in a month doesnt excuse the laziness of the rest of the times you were needed. Then it makes a woman feel unheard and didn't care about doing it because it seems small to you but big to her.

[@sumonaakter9654]

Brilliant.. thanks!!

[@REDKNOTDREAD]

While I have no issue with relationships (thanks to 5 brothers) BUT I listen to your advise to communicate effectively with my boss, minus sexy and love lol, but the principle of the matter. Thanks!!!

[@farheentashfeen5963]

haha i absolutely love the do-over gig

[@jessicajames3047]

I honestly thought about him bringing up the past about what happened in our lives and not about the pattern in the relationship

[@cindyclark4438]

Guess what, those things hurt a woman too....

[@jennpipp26]

Cindy Clark I bet you are single and will always be that way. Bitter Betty

[@echoskolumne1962]

@@jennpipp26 now now now ... this is a bit harsh to say. To be precisely: Women might be hurt by the same things. *BUT* women tend to be be more vicious than men in general. They are faster at throwing verbal knives and posioned needles. Men can be unfair in an argument. But they hardly ever turn into hissy fures like women.

[@theresamariel5402]

Super advise! We say rewind at my home😂

[@abrishatravel]

I should have known the things you said. Because i just broke up with my girlfriend today... I over react to things that's my problem. Thanks man

[@Sunshine_and_Rainbows]

I completely disagree with avoiding mentioning the past. People in relationships need to be held accountable to maintain respect for each other.

[@NihilIslands]

Did YOU marry a prostitute or the MAN îs a pimp or a gigolo ?! People and people...Dont Take statistics FOR granted, a prostitute or a gigolo or gay male prostitutes overestimate median sexual relationships. From which results people arent statistics.Dont judge, inform.Find out but dont Tell with loud voice! YOU just made your life too complicated!

[@MrISUAREZ]

THANK U SOOOOO TRUE

[@user-zj7cs2bc2i]

Thank you very much!

[@iGourav]

Gr8.. Thanku🤗

[@lindakenui]

Wow, challenging but great advice

[@ChryztinaWonderlandMusick]

This is going to come in handy.

[@claraandriessen8423]

How does that work though.. suppose the other is just being downright condescending because they made a mistake and feel like they failed and try to get back their pride through being condescending towards you. They don't realise it, but you do. it happens often, this is a recognised dynamic between people. How will you tell them without calling it by its name?

[@cutemandy69]

AMAZING ADVICE!!! Thanks for sharing :)

[@matboggs9517]

+Amanda H Appreciate you Amanda :-)

[@AB-rl6kd]

Great tips. I would like to know if there is anything you can do when you have done most of these things in your relationship. I have been with my husband for 5 years and things are changing. I obviously know not to continue doing these things but is there anything to try and fix the mistakes already made?