60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 6/33 - Judge Self Harshly

*****
GET STARTED With a FREE Preview to our 12 Basic Needs Course: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
Website: bit.ly/3ybk8Jf
Do You Have Complex Trauma? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3QGbzMV
*****
People from Complex Trauma usually have an inner critic that finds something wrong with everything they do. Why is that? Does it help? What can we do to change it?
Try a FREE Preview of One of Our Online Courses: bit.ly/3UQcWeq
*****
Become a Member!
Access ALL our Courses, Webinars, 1:1 Coaching, Group Coaching & Online Communities: bit.ly/3QIpDWf
Understand the Development of Complex Trauma in Your Life
Online Course: 12 Basic Needs
bit.ly/3UQcWeq
Discover how Addictions are Formed and Find Healthy Ways to Cope
Online Course: Addictions + Complex Trauma
bit.ly/4bbUYsL
Learn How to Parent Yourself and a Child with Complex Trauma
Online Course: Parent Bootcamp
bit.ly/44RpLJ7
Are You Ready to Begin YOUR Healing Journey? Inquire TODAY: bit.ly/3wE68at
Ready to Dig Deep and Learn Tools to Recover From the Negative Effects of Complex Trauma?
Online Course: LIFT Online Learning
bit.ly/4bwZ26I

[@weaviejeebies]

This series is quite possibly the best, most comprehensive series on trauma available online. Extraordinary resource, thank you so much.

[@user-ht2tc5uj7w]

Hi, isn't it tremendous fortune from the lord. I'm fascinated by his spot on delivery, not one therapist I had understood why I beat myself up? Maybe they where trying to make me open up🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️, just listening to this has made me feel better. I go to bible study every week, just by slowly understanding the books in the bible makes me feel I have a purpose and I do have intelligence, god gave me this vlog today I'm sure, because I was becoming a danger to my own brain. I knew shame was what I had to study ages ago but I didn't listen. I hope you have gained help today as well, it seems that there are so many of us, isn't it interesting how we loose total trust and god says trust him. Just wow. I hope you have a great day ahead 🌈.

[@alimay967]

Absolutely ❤❤

[@prettynena3102]

God bless you ❤

[@yveqeshy]

Lordt, this man doesnt even know how much he is helping me. Instead of demanding for perfection from yourself or from other people to avoid getting hurt, criticized, rejected or abandoned, demand for your boundaries to be honoured. That's the safe/proper way to interact with people. But growing up in emotionally neglectful environment doesnt teach you this, it teaches you that shrinking yourself through the help of shame that keeps you in check coupled with a harsh inner critic will keep you safe.

[@jolaola1987]

Shrinking oneself -were wonderful beings with the divine soul yet we shrink ourselves because it feels just, it feels right in the face of the other people who neglected or belittled us knowingly or subconsciously. We just continue to punish and shrink ourselves to confirm and conform. But that's not who we are. They didn't know and we didn't know. Hence I always remind myself that I am a child of God and have full rights to exist and thrive and just experience life on my terms (with acknowledging same right of other souls) and it's nobody else's Biznis to judge or dictate.

[@agraves561]

Well said

[@rhythmandblues_alibi]

It makes so much sense that your inner critic would mimic the voice of your abuser.. because you're policing your own behaviour so you can avoid being the focus of their abuse.

[@user-vy8vh5mx9b]

Omg same - the amount of resources and genuine love is almost incomprehensible

[@ABCDEFG12468]

What... Why is Loving Yourself so Hard?

[@JustJ-Me]

I typically self- harmed bc I felt I needed to punish myself for not being good enough/ having others criticize me- I felt I DESERVED it and it needed to happen. That's where it started and then it turned into an addiction and way of trying to regulate my emotions

[@patrickglennon6834]

it's a tough road, hope you are doing better.

[@JustJ-Me]

@@patrickglennon6834 Thank you so much. 💜 It's touch & go emotionally, but thankfully the draw to self- harm hasn't been as prevalent as in the pass. I hope YOU are doing well. 😊

[@sll110]

me too !

[@JustJ-Me]

@@sll110 I'm sorry you can relate

[@kaarekolstad3349]

You are so self aware.

[@sherileyva5908]

I have always felt my inner critic was God convicting me of what I need to change. I finally realized that no matter how good I tried to act, it was never good enough, and that is not the God that I choose to serve. I finally woke up and realized that what I have always thought of as my relationship with God, was more like the abusive narcissistic marriages I have been in. Thanks to these videos I am finally being able to make progress in my mental health

[@ekkolima]

This and "The Crappy Childhood Fairy" are the best teachers on these subjects. I have all these critics in my head and I see the faces of those who brought me up. They transferred their fear to me. Only at age 36 I'm just now having real freedom. This whole video is about me. I'm so grateful for these tools, I now know what to do to STAY FREE! Thank you very much, 😎!

[@winonafrog]

Similar here, this is such difficult work, sending the best

[@peace1033]

The Crappy Childhood Fairy lady still needs therapy. Hate watching her advice that provides harsh love 🤮

[@JJJJJJ5076]

So true!

[@peramenehera7054]

26:53 F. Guilt tripper. I lost a good friend to suicide because he couldnt get this out of his head. His goodbye message said "You are a good person. I am a monster." Hearing you describe this reminded me so much of his own mindset. This stuff is very real and detrimental.

[@michelifig6356]

So sorry for your loss.

[@tomk2926]

Why are abusers allowed to have children? Our legal system holds adults accountable for defaming eachother but there’s ZERO legal consequences for emotionally abusing a helpless child

[@kirstieb8025]

it’s invisible!

[@olentangyriver1191]

That's true😢😢 my parents got away with all of it

[@rhythmandblues_alibi]

I wholeheartedly believe people should have to apply to have children, and prove that they can provide a safe, healthy and loving home before they are approved. The damage done is intergenerational and none of us asked to be born. There needs to be more accountability. Being a parent is the most important job most people will ever do and yet there is no training, we just expect to be able to figure it out as we go but all most people do is pass on or take out their own issues onto/on their kids.

[@rebeccaconn389]

Because abuse is usually hidden (if intentional or severe) … or it’s not meant as abuse … it’s a parent who does their best (but they are not healed and get triggered or they don’t know how to meet all the needs on a consistent basis. But, I agree with your heart and where this idea of being able to stop 🛑 abuse before it start. I wish it could work that way.

[@cathysoukup2398]

And who, exactly, would determine who gets to have children and who doesn't? No.

[@French-Kiss24]

This is such a good program. This series is really helping me. I wasn’t beaten or sexually abused, so I feel guilty if I go back and admit there was complex trauma: strict authoritarian parenting, very critical, manipulative, not allowed to feel sadness or anger, fundamentally ignored, uber-controlling. I never realized I had needs until I read it in a book at age 43. Thank you for the healing course.

[@izabelads1442]

complex trauma absolutely can be from only emotional/psychological abuse or neglect; children are extremely sensitive so no matter how "light" it can look from the outside its still having a huge effect

[@ZurditaDinamita]

I feel the same about the guilt, almost feeling like an imposter because I know other kids who were beaten and that's the *real* abuse for me... I wasn't even treated with authority, I was more ignored by my parents. And, surprise, now I feel nothing related to me matters. As an adult, I started receiving appreciation for my efforts or achievements from strangers, and I just couldn't believe their words lol I thought they were joking. And still now, I know they're sincere, but I don't know how to handle that stuff, more than just being thankful... Like, their appreciation make me feel uncomfortable for no reason.

[@platzpropeller858]

​@@ZurditaDinamitasame how do we integrate that stuff into our own sense of self?

[@CelestialHunter1270]

Mr. Fletcher, I've been to several therapists over the years, bought and read many books, and searched online trying to get the very information you've provided in this series. I always knew something wasn't right... Why did I always feel like a burden to my parents? Why were things my siblings did taken out on me? Why did none of them care when I was hurting and needed support? Why do I feel like I have to make others happy all the time? Why can I advocate for others but not myself? Why are others able to say "No" and not feel guilty? Why do I criticize and not value myself? Why can't my siblings and I, decades later, talk about it and help each other heal? So many "Why?"s. Because of this series, I'm finally getting answers, finally understanding... BUT most importantly, I'm finally learning how to change the behaviors that I developed because of it. Thank You!!

[@luckyjaff855]

Your words are exactly what I do and its the harsh reality of complex trauma that I didn’t know until this video

[@geetasangha1]

Amazing series , thank you ! GOD IS KIND ❤

[@shannone8219]

I used to think everyone had a mean inner critic.

[@rhythmandblues_alibi]

Until I read your comment just now, so did I.

[@agirlisnoone5953]

I'd love to know if there is anyone who doesn't..... And what kind of person they are.

[@brain0nfire]

Only psychopaths are disinhibited. Normal people have a superego. But people who have been abused and have their abusers around them have to tip toe around their abusers and so their superego goes into hyperdrive. And the more you become ineffective the more people will be triggered by you and so the circle of abusers expands which makes your own inner critic grow.

[@victoriasage7]

Wow, I guess I thought so too…

[@creative45630]

@@agirlisnoone5953I’ve massively reduced mine through psychotherapy, so have experienced both. To not have a raging one is brilliant! It does still pop up now and again and I still find it difficult to have an accurate view of my achievements e.g. at work. But it can greatly improve.

[@CaramelMsDelight]

You are truly doing the Lord’s work!! So much healing from just helping people understand their own mind better 🙌🏽🙏🏽

[@juanitaatkinson9751]

Recovery is a tough journey. Thank you Mr Tim. These videos are a Godsend. Huge thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@mama_j5041]

Ok, everything for me is spot on as far as the different types of inner critics. I have all of them and its a tortuous way to live. But im not into self harm unless you call eating until you're in literal pain as self harm... I've binged on junk food while in a state of absolute emotional breakdown. No comcern for my health or long-term consequences. Just pure disgust and hatred of my body and desperate for a release. Does that count?

[@victoriasage7]

Yes, that counts as he said in the presentation

[@MultiSignlanguage]

Yeah he seemed to mostly focus on starvation, but not overeating or binge eating. I do that too

[@Nikitaxo24]

I do that too and have unprotected sex or risky sexual situations which I don't know very well.

[@lisatowe778]

To be fair my mistakes mess my life up far more than anyone else’s so it stands to reason I am harder on myself I can mess up big too, I don’t do small mistakes I like getting the trophy

[@Ruby-wise]

Thank You Tim, for helping me be aware of my “ internal parent’s “ voices! I’m understanding more of why I’ve been an almost workaholic and perfectionist during my adult life, and why I’ve found it so difficult to just sit and relax without feeling the need to be productive.

[@abbywoolfson584]

I’m disappointed that this information was available when I started therapy. I’m 65. The information is so helpful. The beginning of understand why I wrestle with these core issues. I started getting interested in God when I was 21. Therapy has been very helpful I needed navigating through marriage parenting , depression after being and trying to be what I thought God wanted!! The core issues still tortures me. It takes a lot of work, I’m exhausted… plus still trying to manage. I am thankful for finding you on Utube. I am understanding why I have these core issues I cannot seem to get free of. Even including what I know about God. The scriptures , receiving the complete purpose of Jesus. Emotionally I struggled to change. You help me so much. Thank you

[@karencrawford7077]

Abby...GO GIRL. I'm 70...I seek.JOY!

[@comnandmentsdeadlysins]

48 years old and I knew there was so much wrong with the people in my life as a child. Became a perfectionist and people pleaser to keep the peace. Beat myself up that I could not be everything for everyone else. My body was deteriorating because I never took time for myself. For 5 years I have taken on healing/learning and removing lies/negative thoughts as a full time job with over time. Add in more traumas along the healing journey and people who are not healthy. I am now ready to get back to living but it will not be a repeat of my history. I think back to the days I could not get out of bed asked God to let me come home. I am greatful for all I lived thru and learned because helping some one else with my lived experience I am doing what God sent me here to be unconditionally Loving and accepting of others. No one is perfect and the cards have been stacked against humans for far too long. Hate evil and condemn as for people don't hate them. Best to you healing and learning we are the change we want to see in our society.

[@iamwabisabi3711]

My mean inner critic is for sure my mother.

[@octaviakuransky8569]

I have The Worst emotional hangover today. My brain is like mud. I can hardly hold my head up on my neck. Yesterday read a story at a library program and completely messed it up. I was so nervous. Grateful for this man and this message.

[@SootyS-wg4lm]

What you didn’t mess up; - showing up for something when you said you would and having courtesy for others’ time by doing so - being brave enough to do public speaking - it’s statistically the second greatest fear of most people, after the fear of death! - putting yourself in a situation amongst other people and not isolating constantly (you don’t know what a big deal this is!) - taking a risk on something where you might fail/embarrass yourself (again, most people actively avoid these situations constantly) - participating in a positive activity (I imagine this was an activity with positive intent behind it; eg learning, practicing a skill, supporting others while doing so). Do you know what percentage of the world is participating in an activity with negative intent behind it right now? Every moment counts in terms of how we are adding to the overall balance of positive vibration on this balance. No matter how seemingly small (to you) that contribution may seem, trust me, it counts - doing something which had the potential to allow you to learn how to be kinder to yourself. This is your opportunity to put into practice some self talk that cuts you some slack, sees all the positives (the list above is just a start) and takes you one step forward to more self acceptance. I’m rooting for you. And everyone that reads your comment is too. We’re all in this together. 🤍 The ones that have been hurt have the biggest hearts, so you’ve got a formidably powerful team of cheerleaders here sending you waves of support and encouragement. Let some of that in, take a breath, and take what positives you can learn from the experience and leave the rest behind. You don’t need to carry it with you once you’ve gleaned whatever positive lessons it had to give you. Ps, I love your name. Octavia is just beautiful. ❤

[@winonafrog]

♥️

[@platzpropeller858]

how would you feel like when you see someone else messing up the way you did? i feel pity for them and think " come on you can do it❤" i cant say for sure but that was probably the crowd

[@katec9893]

I've been struggling with this so much lately. I notice that I am very forgiving and encouraging of others but often feel frozen by my own shame. This video was really helpful and has given me a lot to reflect on and start to change in my life.

[@fettbub92]

Almost all those boxes apply to me. Damn. I really appreciate the break down and explanations. It really helps with perspective and strategis on how to approach it. I also appreciate that you provide it without pushing your faith. Many pastors would try to tie it into faith and turn it into a sermon, without just giving the accademic and logical explanations of whats going on, and how to handle it.

[@angelicacroitoru4946]

I would add also the fact that the feeling of inadecuacy and fear comes also with the strong disociation. Apart of the way we are treaten, being in dissociative state creates more fear , and inhability to cope or connect with other children and that is worsening the trauma I was severly dissociated as a child and many times I was playing with children from the same street but I could not "participate" I felt that I cannot hear or understand what they were saiyng, could not get out of freeze response so I was always lost and felt worse. This is also a huge parte of trauma because I got to think that something was so wrong with me and therefor I was expecting all bad things to happend to me

[@aurorapastor4305]

Your words mean the world to me and I cannot thank you enough to remind me that the building stone of my personality is shame and now, little by little, and by being aware,,,I can start to break it into pieces until the light 💡 comes in,

[@icxcnika2]

You’re the hardest working man in Canada.

[@AmberH-cz4hq]

Mr. Fletcher this is so helpful. I've saved this one to listen to again and again.

[@narjissmihraje3835]

Exactly what I did the most knowledgeable video and could be life changing !!!! Hopefully ❤

[@oxfordhappy]

My inner critic is not anyone from my past though. It’s me - not being able to make my mum’s life easier or make her happy. I loved her very much and was desperate to make her life better.

[@kirstieb8025]

THIS. What you just said, and all my years of therapy is EXACTLY why you have an inner critic. You are trying to take care of someone who should be taking care of herself and making herself happy. YOU might not realize it now and I hope you are seeking help, but what about you taking care of yourself? Your mother should have been taking care of your emotional needs growing up. It doesn’t sound like that. it’s your mom. not your job to make her happy. in fact you CANT make someone happy. it has to come from within.

[@agirlisnoone5953]

Exactly what Kirsty says. It is NOT the child's responsibility to make the parent happy or their life easier. Imagine handing that weight to a child. 💔 You don't have to blame your mom for this. You don't have to blame yourself. Your inner critic is your brains faulty solution to protecting yourself. Now that you're aware of it, you get to come up with a new solution.

[@barlowwe]

I guarantee your inner critic is your mom. I wonder if you even know what the sound of your voice sounds like? I’m not trying to judge. I was confused for a long time too and forgot the sound of my voice.

[@anastasiafederschneider2242]

My mom from an early age would always ask if I would take care of her when she got older. Essentially groomed me to believe it was my job to take care of her, which probably lead to thinking I needed to keep her happy also. It was when I was in recovery for substance abuse that I came to the conclusion that I truly thought it was my job to make my mom happy. Now as I’m older and recovering (still- emotionally, mentally etc) I realized she should have never put that on me- she should have been concerned with taking care of me, not who was going to take care of her.. that was not my job, not my responsibility..

[@calvink7382]

My burning and scratching scars are so deep, I'll have them forever and each time i see them i get those bad feelings again I knew i made those scars for a reason that i didn't understand quite well It was , i think, almost subconsciously done

[@jessicamorales2555]

You are a great healer. Your words are full of wisdom.

[@neoessencero]

Love Tim. Him and Roman Zanoni has the best talks on CPTSD

[@delmarreyna]

My goodness. Thank you so much for the time and energy you put into making this video. It resonated with me on so many levels.

[@astronaut6542]

I ve some destroyer stuff going on, it's hell but I will never give up.

[@brain0nfire]

These lectures are increadibly dense in material to identify all sorts of behaviors, traits and affects, but on and on I see the same recurrent theme where the orator decides what are good or bad mechanisms of adaptation on purely subjective standard. His choice is usually centered around thoughts. He decides we can't control our limbic system, nor our autonomic functions so our thoughts must be wrong. I sympathize with this to an extent, as it is the only domain with some hope of salvation beyond chemical medication. But our thoughts are triggered just like any other automatic system in our bodies. The difference is that there is more internal feedback/feedforward in the pre-frontal cortex which allows us more complex thoughts (which also why we defect to rumination, self-criticism and so on). Now, the resources to deny most of our reactions to thoughts, to self-assessments, or to social judgments are too overwhelming to be worth it. I wish they weren't. It's not by chance that most people would rather do drugs and alcohol - which changes their state of mind and relieves their self-image and even their own view of the world and therefore their receptivity of new information with less fear. Most of these strategies are too taxing. From a point of sadness and self-destruction to a constant cognitive dissonance and warfare against oneself, it's all too ineffective to become a functional citizen. You have to waste half of your mental resources denying yourself. This makes performance downgraded in order to deal with inner conflicts. These are not realistic solutions. This is self-micromanaging. It's exhausting. It's unreliable when you have to perform fast in real time and have to deal with the emotions popping up. The reality is that society is a psychological warfare field and even families scapegoat their own for the majority's profit. There is no way out unless you are ready to advance legal punishments against such behaviors. The problem is that you won't stop the behaviors; you'll only increase the inmate population. Life is chaos, tragedy and constant cutthroat competition. There is no love between humans that one can rely on, because too many have no regard for us. So, to try to shift our reactions and emotional triggers by thought proccesses takes too long. I think we are reaching a dead end trying to maintain a society that would rather avoid physical confrontation and solutions instead of engaging in more black and white solutions like war. It pains me to say this because war should be avoidable to the last effort but our society is breading this psychological battleground with too many casualties to make is worth the candle. Our civility is becoming our own downfall. We think we can create ideal societies where humans magically fit in and integrate like building blocks when in no way this is possible given how different people are and how much maintenance some people need.

[@BigEvan96]

So what is the solution? Medication?

[@brain0nfire]

@@BigEvan96 I've been reading a manual and from what I've gathered they have 'bottom-up' strategies through medication and 'top-down' ones through meditation, schema therapy, talk therapy, NLP, Counter-transference, transactional analysis, etc. Ideally, you would cut the problem by the root, but given that you've been in its grasp for so long it probably has changed you irreversibly in many regards. In my experience, you can try to counter some of the symptoms by counter-balancing them with good experiences. Another is to erradicate all toxic people influencing your life. That goes from family members to online content exposure. An healthy diet is a must. Exercise! Sunlight exposure. Good sleep. Meditation coupled with deep breathing exercises to reset your mental-physical system. Keffir or any decent probiotics to manage your second brain (gut). And do what you love. Many will tell you that you have to do what you have to do to earn money. Well, if you can't regulate your emotions you have to stick with something rewarding psychologically and physically. It nourishes you and it will make life worth living. Most therapy modalities take too long. There is no magic pill that will fix you. You have to fix your life in a pragmatic sense, but you may also have to come to terms with what you may not be able to change. Many of our problems, from attatchment style, to personality disorders may be for life. You'll have to manage your expectations accordingly. Good luck, and most importantly, find ways to love life.

[@lindsaypeek63]

I hope you stick around for the Christian portion of the messages

[@denabatt]

Everything he's explaining is me. I finally reached out for help starting this week.

[@mikevoegeli2006]

Tim, you are an amazing teacher - gifted. And thank you for your insights into what happened at Passover... You make it come alive!

[@feiradragon7915]

It can be hard for a mentally healthy person to understand how intense emotional pain is. I know personally that loneliness can get so bad that the body aches of covid feel less painful. Literally had both at the same time at one point.

[@montan-girl-loves-makeup]

That was my mantra when I was little. "Nobody loves me". I still can't figure out if I'm lovable. LOL....I don't believe anyone loves me to this day.....even my kids and husband. I usually convince myself that if I died today there wouldn't be a tear shed or a heart broken. That their lives would be so much easier without me.

[@kseniakirs]

I feel this. It feels like I’m rotten to the core. Or like I’m a bad person just because I am me.

[@OrbisonTributeArtist]

My mother was really talented. She was able to instil each of these in me :)

[@shadowfax9177]

For real.

[@4LMOE]

😂😂😂💯

[@nobull7406]

At 62 now is it too late? These talks hit home. I feel like I was ankle tapped as I left my home, raised in a cult, rejected it early bought shame on my family, someone told me I was rubbish and I've believed them ever since. All I can do now is listen learn and try to understand what happened. Old habits die hard. That inner voice takes some serious work to mute, but it's always there. Nagging. And now I'm old. But many thanks for this. You tube puts up some good stuff.

[@believe2806]

Your never to old for education, self improvement, bettering your life, finding love, and friends……Stay strong, blessed, positive……

[@magellenthefelon]

You do great work, Tim Fletcher! Thank you so much for what you do and for who you are!

[@sherileyva5908]

My inner critic always tells me that if I did more than or less than this that or the other, God would bring me the joy that the Bible talks about. I'm learning so much from your channel and learning to identify these reels and false beliefs my brain has been stuck on for so long now.

[@amlinroche5003]

Thank you for these insights. I hope to use them in my daily practice.

[@lauraborracchinichef]

Thanks for your help, you changed my life

[@chocolatejellybean2820]

makes me wanna cry why we do this.

[@honestandfair1572]

Tim you are an angel and many of us need more like you. ❤

[@lorilashan3925]

These videos are truly blessings to my life

[@SuzieQGirl]

Thank you so much for sharing and helping so many people to understand themselves. Here’s to moving forward in healing. 🙏❤️🙏

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

so many things come to mind when hearing this Tim. Thanks

[@greysonkingsley8446]

Not sure if anyone cares but if you are bored like me during the covid times you can stream pretty much all of the new movies on InstaFlixxer. Been watching with my brother for the last days xD

[@damonanders6809]

@Greyson Kingsley Yup, been watching on Instaflixxer for months myself :D

[@annach.2405]

Thank you. It is eye opening - the whole series.

[@centurionstrengthandfitnes3694]

This resonated so much. I'm so glad I saw this today.

[@sharonanderson-eh4on]

❤ Well that just described me to a T! Gotta get on and do some more healing work. Releasing shame is definitely the way forward. Thanks for your insights. You really have highlighted what I need to do for my own peace and healing journey.

[@lilafeldman8630]

I can relate to so much of this.

[@user-ht2tc5uj7w]

Me too, isn't god amazing. ☀️ I was worried about it and told him, I found this. We are blessed even though we like jesus endured so many emotions and pain. Re training the vagus nerve is fascinating as well. 👍🙏🏼

[@animalliberationCLBB]

The Endings are awesome Thank you❤

[@C.Hawkshaw]

I will say that though l internalized some of my parent’s critcriticisms of me, since they have died, they are extremely helpful to me now, from the other side. But since I still retain some Oppositional Defiant Disorder, often it’s hard for me to take their advice, as helpful as it is. I’ll work on it. Thanks so much, love the content!

[@mysticquantumalchemist]

This was one of the most helpful videos from Tim 😭🙏🏽💖 truly life changing!!!!

[@emma.8244]

This man is wonderful

[@lancephillips5848]

Omg!! So grateful I found this!!

[@TheTarget-ys5wr]

Mcwyse Berge Introducing me to this mans theory of complex trauma. I love you cousin ❤ Ty.😊

[@bethmendoza1847]

Kind of impossible to self love when you no longer have a self.

[@barlowwe]

Well put.

[@Earthtime3978]

Self love is hard because we internally know how stupid we can be. Who knows the story of us but us? So, I beat myself up knowing why I’m no good.

[@amitcozin4907]

I love u Tim u r amazing!!

[@isaacgarcia8279]

Thank you!! This is amazing!

[@JustJ-Me]

I was looking forward to this and am going to watch now. Thanks for what you do Tim! I recommend your channel to so many people.

[@itamar.j.rachailovich]

How are you ma’am ?

[@JustJ-Me]

@@itamar.j.rachailovich I'm so- so. And yourself?

[@itamar.j.rachailovich]

@@JustJ-Me I am fine, thanks. You are beautiful

[@JustJ-Me]

@@itamar.j.rachailovich You're welcome. Thank you for the kind words. I actually haven't bothered to change my pic in a number of years so it's probably not super accurate to how I appear these days.

[@itamar.j.rachailovich]

@@JustJ-Me Hhhh. I am a sure you are beautiful today even more. Why the negativity?

[@shelteredsparrow2736]

Great video

[@luvqraft6024]

It’s extra fun when some with CPTSD criticize those whose trauma reaction doesn’t match 6:07 up to theirs…

[@Cardio_gram]

This helps me a lot. Thank you. ..

[@elainetaylor914]

Safe connection, self compassion aids growth for inner child to adult..❤

[@C-Span222]

Thank you so very much!

[@user-ku2nx6bm7b]

thank you very much for sharing

[@PeterCollins-dn9ok]

thankyou /for healing my adoption and abusive childhood. i can now stop blaming myself.

[@chetnagautam9410]

Your efforts are quite admirable😊😊 thank you for efforts. I was wondering why I feel shame n feel bad even doing things against people who did utter wrong to me

[@neferzoe5140]

Great job 👏

[@elluminax]

thank you very much

[@divenursok]

I almost gave myself whiplash agreeing to stuff in this video!

[@sonlightpsalm942]

Beautiful! 😊❤😊

[@honestandfair1572]

Thank you ❤❤❤

[@Crazydoglady.]

BRAVO!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@janicebowles2383]

Thank you 🙏

[@kymberlikirton3463]

I had to find a structural framework for not just the trauma but for growth and development. I frame with neurology/nature (AuDHD/C-PTSD) for A.C.E trauma disruptions in psychological development. Core issues are trust and lack of bonding, survival strategies were dissociation and compartmentalization. I have had to redefine socializing and community for my own wellbeing. More community engagement and much less focus on recreational relationships

[@the.kai.eros.experience]

“The Destroyer.” WOW. My battle with suicidal ideation is illuminated so deeply.

[@minjinseo3681]

Never found someone before who is as open-minded as Tim Fletcher who could integrate science and religion together using facts going down to the roots as opposed to judgmentally self-righteous and religious hypocrites.

[@PassionateFlower]

For me the reasoning to self hate was, "Well if other people are allowed to hate me then why can't I hate myself as well?"

[@Illuminatewithlove]

❤THANK YOU❤ AUTHENTIC TRAUMA IS POSSIBLE TO HEAL❤most have no clue

[@rollinthunder8671]

I just wish I had someone who was physically in front of me that genuinely cared The living with my narcissist mother trying to get my life together so I can leave is the most difficult thing ever and everyone else is just living this wonderful life and I'm just stuck here I just wanted to end

[@italian1ist]

25:40 what produces lasting motivation in people.

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤ excellent

[@ClickUp]

I have a fear that my abusers will watch and judge me, although they're dead

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

can these 'inner critic' thoughts be how we ''PERCEIVED' not necessarily what what actually verbalized?

[@user-ht2tc5uj7w]

Yes that's having a percecution complex, like, everyone is out to get me. Which is a coping mech. Totally understandable. 🙏🏼

[@victoriasage7]

I think maybe you were talking about preverbal trauma maybe?

[@jesseclarke9077]

Is it possible to heal all these things?

[@user-qt9or4xu9l]

The joy i recieve care trust builds quicket since this has been decades for this life back now no self excist sad eggshells ya.

[@AnusiaLA]

I’m about to go to graduate school and I feel like I’m too dumb and I will never make it… even though I never failed an exam, I always pass everything and I really don’t even have to study very much… I still feel like a failure and my internal voice tells me I’m being ridiculous for thinking I can get a doctorate. My therapist tells me it’s my patents voice in my head.

[@martiep8637]

I’m so confused 😐 I am taking therapy and I am trying to address my trauma and it’s impacts on my behavior however, I find myself burned out. I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what I’m looking for. Maybe it’s because I’ve neglected my own needs for others that I don’t know my own wants and needs. I find myself resisting and not knowing what to do. Sometimes I wonder should I pack up and leave, start over and suffer my way up. Or could it be a lie that I tell myself because I believe things should come the hard way. How odd….

[@kellyakins6443]

This is exactly how I am feeling as well. I also get so tired of even talking to the therapist it. I’m exhausted and I just feel like I’m standing in a crowded street and everyone is just milling around me but I also can’t move. I guess I just wanted to let ya know I get what you’re feeling 100%. 💜

[@BigEvan96]

In my line of work, perfection helps out. Not sure if this is a blessing or a curse.

[@bazinamelie9211]

About parenting oneself, school system is also part of the fact that we are ashamed. If you don't have the good grades... You are pushing down by school system that is the one to make differences between people : the good ones and the bad ones. The lack of self esteem for many people comes from school to me

[@cherhaffen-ut1xb]

I've prayed that very thing not to see the big picture As humans we tend to in our imperfect ness ; mess even the most carefully laid plans . Thank you thank you 4 clearly expressing this! Love the God factor. . Follow with your whole heart.

[@proudchristian77]

Some people's get thugs that fight with word's & u remember them ! 💝

[@user-ht2tc5uj7w]

Hi, can you elaborate please 🤔I'm interested. Thanks

[@proudchristian77]

Beat down on emotions, if u grew up rough don't tell people's it can & will be used against you , yelled at , screamed at , threatened, ignored , excdedra, like a hit to your heart , y u smoke stuff ! On top of child hood !

[@user-qt9or4xu9l]

Measuring up. Or not enough. Or to high strung. Too suspicious or lack trust. Too confrontational. Appear clingy needy every so often. Quiet at times when needing understanding on complex remark or critizms

[@marvalousg809]

Amen

[@OliveWeitzel]

Hallelu YAH! Passover still is the greatest festival in Israel!

[@Drewbius333]

To hell with Israel and the pedo jew god.

[@lizziethelizzard4808]

But if there is no inner critic… who is making sure you are being a good person and treating others the right way?

[@GodHelpMe369]

999-trillion oceans of grief - 999-trillion oceans of rage - 999-trillion endless PTSD flashbacks - I CAN NO LONGER BEAR THIS TORTURE I'm dying on the inside he raped my soul. he gave me SEVERE PTSD. SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE!!! and now he's gone. I blocked him. I want to die. how and when will I ever heal from the PTSD flashbacks? nothing more horrific and debilitating and paralyzing than the PTSD flashbacks. the man I revered as my best friend, betrayed and abandoned me, and discarded me like garbage, and replaced me with another. this happened at the start of last year (2023), we're now in 2024, and I'm nowhere near healed. I want to die. I can no longer tolerate the pain. the emotional pain is hell. I hate my life. I am tortured and tormented with every breath I take. RAGE RAGE RAGE I want to die I want to die I want to die I can no longer bear the darkness it consumes me; suffocates me I am drowning oceans of tears the man I revered as my best friend, he raped me, replaced me, discarded me like last week's garbage... ultimate betrayal!! this grief and loneliness... they rape me; torture me; on a soul level my only prayer is for death I'm in hell and I can't find escape God has forsaken me my whole life I've been tortured, bullied, abused, raped all I do is suffer my life is hell SO NOW, IN HOPES TO HEAL, AND TO CHANGE MY LIFE AROUND, I LIVE BY THIS MODUS OPERANDI: When there’s a disagreement, when I need to say YES or when I need to say NO, when I need to state my needs, and ask for them to be met... When I need to create boundaries... There's a possibility and a probability, that someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So I engage in every encounter, interaction, and relationship... In a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me... NEVER ends up being me! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose a part of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways. AND IN THE FUTURE, I WILL REMEMBER, THESE ARE GREEN FLAGS: 1. They have a pattern of taking their own and other's feelings seriously 2. The sharing they're doing is appropriate to the context of the relationship 3. They've been receptive to small vulnerabilities in the past 4. The vulnerability balance between the two of you is roughly equal 5. They are aware of how their vulnerability may impact you 6. They have a history of being firm and kind in asserting their boundaries 7. They are aware of their boundaries and are able to reinforce them in real time 8. They tell you that they are open to you sharing with them (and they mean it!) 9. They have a self-care plan in place