7 Signs An Emotionally Unavailable Man Is Actually Into You (And Isn't Playing Games)

[@nancypiper6078]

My experience married to a very emotionally unavailable male for 23 years has been extremely lonely and painful. I would not do it again. I am a very emotionally attuned available person and his been so closed to me was a surprise after we married. Do you really believe there are no other good men in this world that would love to be your beloved? Growth can come very slowly as it has in my marriage but it has cost me my health and emotional well being … which is a price too high to pay.

[@hernorm]

Thanks for sharing that personal story @nancypiper6078. Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can definitely feel like an uphill battle and before committing to something long term you need to make sure you're ready for that. Like you mention, for those who are just starting a relationship with someone that is emotionally unavailable, it's worth really thinking about this carefully before committing long-term. Sometimes it may be a better choice to try and find a partner that is more compatible with your needs, however difficult that decision may be at the time. This is especially true if you're someone that thrives off of connecting on a very deep level emotionally with your partner, which is something you're unlikely to get from someone that is emotionally unavailable.

[@rowenasalabao5987]

Wow. That is why you really have such good wisdom about this. That's true. By the time you'll be married to that person, he's start being closed again. I hope you're doing better now.

[@nancypiper6078]

@@rowenasalabao5987 somewhat. It’s a constant daily struggle.

[@annarose4564]

Thank you for this video. I am dating someone who has shown me he is into me in many of those ways but unfortunately it is very difficult for me to deal with my unmet needs and I do feel like I need more of an emotional connection. It's just so sad because he is genuinely a really good guy, but in the emotional department very closed - so it sometimes feels hard to even feel like it is actually a relationship. It's a tough thing to deal with.

[@divyanibhargava5200]

Here with you

[@onnol917]

Sounds like an avoident

[@hernorm]

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's incredibly sad. I've got a video on how to build intimacy with an avoidantly attached partner. I hope some of the advice there might help, but let me know if you have any more questions kzbin.info/www/bejne/anelo4F5lsqViNE

[@hernorm]

I'm so sorry. I hope the video I just mentioned to Anna Rose will help

[@hernorm]

I agree. And even if there's something else going on, most of the advice aimed at dating someone with an avoidant attachment style will still be helpful.

[@secretshaman189]

Wonderful information, thank-you! Many men feel so uncomfortable with their feelings, it is often hard to decipher.

[@hernorm]

I agree! So many problems disappear when we're brave enough to talk about our emotions. It can be so frustrating when someone we love isn't ready for that.

[@mariapap8962]

Having lost my beloved father very recently, i got to realise just how PRECIOUS time with the right people is (be it family members, good friends or a loving partner) and how we should not waste it on wishy - washy situationships with people who don't know what they want, don't value us enough (or don't show it) or are not willing to put in equal effort. Time spent = time we'll never get back. Any time wasted on people or situations that are not really worth it = time we deprive from the people that truly are.

[@hernorm]

I'm sorry to hear about your father. Sending you love. I completely agree about how precious time is. It's important to focus our time and energy on people who will help us grow and be happy, even if that's sometimes difficult.

[@1x93cm]

this is great. Now people know what to avoid for their own sanity.

[@SydneyEHughes]

Idk if the guy I like would be considered as emotionally unavailable, but I can tell something is holding him back from opening up. Our friends told me that it’s obvious that we have a connection, and he’s told me parts of his life as I’ve told him parts of my life. He’s also told me that he wishes he was able to be in tune with his emotions the way that I am, but again, we don’t see each other as much as I’d like (we live an hour away from each other and we’re both teachers). In a text message recently, he said that he wants to spend time with friends more in 2023. Our friends said that he called me his “wife” but he didn’t say it to me, and he called me “sis” through text message on New Years Day, so I’m unsure if he’s really into me or if this is something I should let go and walk away from. I would love to get some feedback on this because it has my mind racing some days. 😅

[@hernorm]

Thanks for sharing your story with us! It sounds like you're still very much in the early stages of getting to know one another. It's too early to tell if he's emotionally unavailable or not. I would try to approach it one day at a time. Don't have too many expectations from that start as to what may or may not happen. Just try to enjoy your time with him and see where it goes. If it goes somewhere, great! If not, then it probably wasn't meant to be!

[@onnol917]

My advice would also be to let him initiate sometimes. More then a "hi". If he knows he likes you he will make an effort, if he is unsure he will be flacky. Never commit to someone who is flacky no matter how much you like them. You'll just be hurt.

[@Alex-qy7ou]

Woman can also start the conversation ask him to hangout and dress cute he will notice and he will make a move go to dinner something casual a lot of pressure be on guys to always initiate everything and its hard for some of us especially if he thinks yout really cute and that can be subjective dont be scarred

[@SydneyEHughes]

@@Alex-qy7ou I’ve initiated it before, and it didn’t work out. So, if he likes me, he needs to make it known. I’m not gonna initiate it again

[@Alex-qy7ou]

@@SydneyEHughes if he called you his wife to friends it sounds like he is intrested and he was probably aware friends would tell you about him calling you that. A lot of guys will play it cool while being really into a lady if you are intrested in him and find him attractive would be easy to get him on board a little effort from a lady go a long way ive thought ladys were not into me so many times just to find out much later that they were really into me

[@annan4866]

Thank you for sharing, it was good to hear this perspective 😊

[@hernorm]

Glad you got value out of it!

[@leah-7011]

It's frustrating as an avoidant to always feel like anxious types are trying to crack me open or waiting for me to be more like them. Im not. I dont want to be. Some people are cut out to be with someone that's more avoidant, not as emotional, and some people are not. Know yourself well enough to walk away from a relationship that doesn't fulfill what YOU think a relationship should be. It's not fair to just keep expecting the other person to change just because they are different than you.

[@onnol917]

It works both ways since as you identify as avoident you know where it comes from. Its not about you having to open up, its for us to provide safety, affection and interest to you as you are. The choice is yours if you want to slowly dip your toe in the water of emotional connection with the safety that you do not lose yourself, are not punished for pulling back sometimes and you need yo change. Yet, what do you do to meet the needs of the other? Avoidents are unknowingly selfish, wich is understandable if you understand avoidence. But for the other party is often ends up being a one way street.

[@lekiley6354]

What if you get mixed messages and perhaps men in particular, are emotionally in "fear mode" ergo demonstration of feelings ?🥺

[@hernorm]

I absolutely agree with you and I hope I'm being really respectful of avoidant attachments in these videos. I'm always very conscious that we're the ones being pushed to change and "let others in". If you have an avoidant attachment style, that's a part of how you relate to the world. It's not you being broken or wrong and you absolutely shouldn't feel pressured to change just to make other people happier. If you've had a lot of partners pushing you to change, you might have been falling into the anxious-avoidant trap. kzbin.info/www/bejne/r37Lc3aVl5KUl7s Let me know if there are any topics you, as an avoidant, would like me to cover. Because you deserve the kind of relationships that are right for you as well.

[@hernorm]

Thank you for that really compassionate reply

[@hernorm]

Ugh. Mixed messages are the worst. As always, honest comunication is the best cure, but it takes a lot of bravery to say "I'm not sure how you feel about me. Can we talk about it?" Good luck!

[@naeemjam8073]

Thank you so much for such a nice words. I want to know why those people adopt this kind of behavior? emotionally unavailable men or emotionally avoidant attachment.

[@hernorm]

Thanks for your kind message. Avoidant attachment (or any insecure attachment style) is generally something that develops during someone's childhood. You can watch our video on the '4 Attachment Styles' that goes into further detail on how each of these develops.

[@rowenasalabao5987]

I enjoyed the video. I realized this guy I have been liking is really opening up to me. He got all the signs 😂 I just wonder if is it really worth waiting for him? He's still studying so he doesn't want to date yet. But we talk at least once a week. It's kinda frustrating that I can't expect him to assure me that he likes me cause he said he doesn't want to be hurt again and he's still a student. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Multiple times he tried avoiding me, he even tells me that he's avoiding, and yet he still initiates a conversation.😂 Idkkkkk.

[@nancypiper6078]

Reread what you wrote. If your girlfriend would tell you that this guy was in her life, would you really encourage that relationship?

[@hernorm]

Your last sentence really says it all. That hard truth is that if he's avoiding you, he's most likely not that into you and perhaps it's best to try and move on.

[@rowenasalabao5987]

@@nancypiper6078 yeah. I wouldn't. Thank you so much. It gave me a better perspective on that.

[@rowenasalabao5987]

@@hernorm that's a really hard pill to swallow. Yes, I should really tell myself he's not that into me. Thank you. I'll do that. Cuz I've been convincing myself that he really likes me.

[@nancypiper6078]

@@rowenasalabao5987 You are an amazing woman that needs to know how worthy you are to be in a relationship with a man that is crazy about you and says it by his actions and words.

[@_Sam_-zh7sw]

why the fuck do you want an emotionally unavailable man in the first place? its like knowing that someone is not good but you still chase them?

[@joannalopez5447]

Thank you for your words of wisdom 👏👏👏

[@hernorm]

Thanks for the kind words Joanna!

[@biba350]

I've been in relationship 7 years he likes us to do things together but doesn't talk about he feeling or say he loves me can come across as quite cold sometimes is this emotional unavailable personality interesting topic

[@hernorm]

Wow. 7 years is a long time. I hope you're feeling loved and valued in other ways, even if he doesn't say it with words!

[@lorrainegunston228]

What about asking open ended questions and getting him to talk about things that hurt him

[@hernorm]

If he's doing those things then that's generally a very good sign that he is genuinely into you.

[@divyanibhargava5200]

He doesn't want to answer open ended questions or questions that hurt him. He wants to get back at u for asking that and will somehow try to escape or blame something on u...or just shut the topic off. I am really confused what to do abt it bcz women in general live off the emotional connect while he is just a problem solver iny world. I want much deeper things from him that mere help

[@ewingloren2766]

What does that conversation look like? How can I start it with him?

[@hernorm]

Thanks for commenting. Have a look at our video on "How to communicate to an avoidant partner" and that should give you a good idea on how to get started!