8 Rules For Loving an INTJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph

I'm proud for being never been rejected. - an INTJ who never dated and confessed.

[@johanliebert6859]

Good job Thats why i don't even make crush and stay away from people ~An INTJ who has played Sasuke Uchiha two times with girls And let them simp and not fu*kin care

[@SasukeUchiha-rb1rs]

@@johanliebert6859 lol my life. Not even just cause my sasuke pfp. Also intj

[@johanliebert6859]

@@SasukeUchiha-rb1rs yeah better with mah soltitude need no friends or anyone

[@zhoumei6]

Accurate AF!

[@imanafdar]

cringe, how old are you guys? 15?

[@sdd1094]

I'm an INTJ, and I find his contempt for INTJs so funny. He does have it right though that we'll keep coming back to people who we believe tell us the truth.

[@sorryveronica]

He’s so funny

[@pearlsb45wine]

It's true there's a lot of perceptible contempt here. I've never been "afraid of life" - that's more ISFJs which is a type I loathe along with ESFJs. Both are overwhelmingly present in the culture (the South) I grew up in and ultimately seek to suppress /repress anything or anyone that makes them "uncomfortable". I also think that while he definitely makes great points & has his system down to a science there's a massive lack of nuance, but that's pretty typical of Ne/Si users from an Ni /Se perspective. I'd rather collect sensory data from Se/Ni users. Si & Ti regardless of where they fall in a person's stack bestows a God complex that makes the Fi child look like an angel. For years I was told that I was "too selfish" and needed to give more, yet I had sacrificed so much of myself. A lot of that was culturally enforced, plus an tradition driven toxic family dynamic (ENTP & ISFJ parents) & ....lack of nuance. Once I stated traveling & met people who were open & receptive to me, I learned better. The quote "Selfish; a judgment readily passed by those who have never tested the power of their own sacrifice" comes to mind.

[@sandymakesplans]

@@pearlsb45wine i saw an entp and isfj couple. they were full of fakery so i can only imagine the dumpster fire you worked. the nihilistic, disabled entp was like the author's character in the film, misery, without the inflicting bodily injuries... kinda. things were intentionally left around the house to make it messier and harder to navigate. it was all passive aggression. one time, the isfj joked about hitting him with her car. also, the south is full of xsxj types. it's unbalanced.

[@icingcake]

I don’t think it’s contempt - he likes INTJ’s a lot and just slightly bitter about his past relationship. He roasts all the types with that tone lol. He’s right - this is why I can’t get rid of one of my exes 🤣🤣🤣 my ex knows me too well 😂😂😂

[@Napoleonicwarfare]

If theres anyone to take relentless brutality as a form of feedback, when we really want it. It's us.

[@JungINFJ]

I love this series. I'm learning so much... 7:31 Yes INTJs! Fe trickster / Fi child is very endearing. Chase is right. Don't sweat it 8:54 Chase man, you killed me hahaha 13:10 Rule #1: Give them room to choose/space; don't smother them 20:25 Rule #2: Be brutally blunt and honest with them without logically fallacy 26:24 Rule #3: Adopt or raise their quality of life 31:43 Rule #4: Do not ever reject your INTJ. Say yes or not yet. 41:05 Rule #5: Avoid surprising them 48:31 Rule #6: Trust but verify/stand your Ti ground/don't be a yes man 52:20 Rule #7: Give them the social lowdown on all unknown people they are about to meet and give them a social plan/escape plan 56:55 Rule #8: Identify and help them meet their needs / share with them / INxJs can't meet their own needs

[@wolfone8538]

THANK YOU 😊

[@timeleey6011]

8:54 cracked me up 🤣

[@laila44477]

thank you so much

[@JungINFJ]

@@laila44477 you're welcome 👍

[@VJHoyt]

Thank you for posting the list. You saved me a lot of time doing it myself.

[@tehflooper]

Also don't expect the INTJ to attend enthusiastically to weddings, birthdays, funerals, family reunions, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. In general, any traditional social event where they are forced to be present is going to make them anxious and annoyed. This is in line with points 1 and 7, don't force them too much and explain in detail all the social context of the event, always have the escape plan and if you are a person who can't live without those traditions and expect the INTJ to be always there or shares the same enthusiasm/enjoyment as you, reconsider, since its literally their kryptonite for their triple pragmatic nature + se inferior/fe trickster.

[@tehflooper]

@@qasimimtiaz114 the simple fact of attending is already complying with a social norm or convention

[@Wajiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii]

Yeah, pretty accurate. I hate traditional events the most. I have little to no respect for traditions that make no sense and it's usually just silly rituals anyway.

[@CRlifeisgood]

I hate all social traditions except for xmas.

[@Muirtty]

INTJs can endure much if it furthers their long term goals.

[@gotnoname7051]

1)-let them have space.(keep things open). 2)-offee accurate criticism, harsh or brutal if needed. 3)-engage in their way of quality of life. This means they love you and care about you. 4)- never reject them (either yes or not today, to anyone actually). 5)- always share what you're going to do with them before you actually do it. (Showing loyalty whilst eliminating Paranoia). This also applies to social gathering that the intj is not familiar with. 6)-Don't be a yes man. Trust what they're saying with the intent of verifying it as well. Don't take their words as face value. Rule 7, if you're watching this you're most likely to be an si user, share how they can meet their needs. This is how you help them. They're sharing their treasure with you, they're sharing their quality of life with you. They can't need their own needs alone. this is how you're gonna be there for your lover! 🥰♥️

[@For-My-Tomorrow]

God bless you

[@clintwestwood4545]

- Never reject them - Never be a yes man - Aren’t those contradictory?

[@minjoolee2231]

@@clintwestwood4545 by "never reject them", it involves Se inf. Their insecurities lies on worrying of not giving good enough experience to others. So if they offer something that involves physical experience, never reject them. Going to a certain place, certain action, etc. "Never be a yes man" I think it involves Te this time rather than Se. They want facts and information that is correct so more useful, the better. If its something about information, never doubt on adding your thought (as in information and logic) to their thought.

[@enough_about_me]

Accurate! I feel glorious internally about all my contradictions.

[@enough_about_me]

Btw, Jung said typology was to be used to overcome one sided states in people. I’m 49 same age as Zuckerberg, I could see similarities in us both.

[@spicelandgirl]

This video made me laugh so hard, so many times. I'm a female INTJ. I don't know what INTJ(s) crapped on you, but the INTJ(s) that you have met must not have done any work on themselves, it's like the quintessential cartoon character of an INTJ. I can do small talk, I just don't enjoy it but understand the need to 'warm people up' for more in-dpeth conversation. I'm very happy alone and have a lot of quality alone time. My life has had a very varied life experience, most of it self induced. I don't mind being surprised, as long as it's not a surprise that requires me to do any kind of impromptu speech on an emotional topic--"I'm so grateful..." immediate face palm. Yes, I'd like the 'low-down' on people prior to meeting them, but many people do this as a courtesy for friends/family. It does help me to not put my foot in my mouth, just as it does others. Yes, yes, yes, adopt, adapt to and raise my quality of life. Honesty is important, being direct is important, but no one has to be brutal about it. I hope you meet a more varied group of well rounded INTJs, we DO exist.

[@RishaBond]

Exactly. Whoever this "Andi" person was, she was immature/had issues that weren't about being an INTJ. And another example he gave seemed off: it's really hard to believe that an INTJ woman had multiple kids with multiple fathers. INTJs are classic planners and optimizers. Plus, evolved INTJs not only have friends, they hang on to good friends for a very long time. Either he's mistyped some of his examples or he has a very skewed sample set. Most importantly, his thing about "criticizing" an INTJ misses the mark: we're soft and emotionally childlike on the inside. A pattern of harsh criticism from someone we love would be either be grounds for a door slam or only tolerated by an INTJ with unresolved childhood issues. (It rolls right off our backs if we don't care about you though, so maybe that's where he gets it?) It seems he gets this confused with valid, evidence-based feedback being welcome -- he is right about "don't be a yes-man" -- but that's a totally different thing. I also think it's cute if someone can tease me, i.e. point out my foibles in a funny nice way, which again is very different than straight-up criticism. If someone is watching this to actually learn how to love an INTJ: please don't do this weird "negging" harsh criticism thing -- it's not healthy and it's not loving.

[@somyatiwari8071]

hey, i was someone like this and really needed this advice. i had severe social anxiety and got bullied mercilessly because of it. Yes it might be for immature Intjs but they need this.

[@mrbullmrbull]

Dear INTJs, If you want a meaningful relationship do it in the way the INTJs are the best at: Make it your goal. And you should figure it out, you know how to achieve goals, I'm sure you do

[@HR-lm3jh]

shouldn't my life purpose supposed to be above a relationship.

[@FFakiha]

@@HR-lm3jh one of the purposes.

[@HR-lm3jh]

@@FFakiha i can only focus on one thing at a time.

[@FFakiha]

@@HR-lm3jh arrange a pattern, a connection in all the mini goals that make one large life goal. A good stable healthy life.

[@mrbullmrbull]

@@HR-lm3jh you will never be powerful alone. It is a delusion you have to overcome and I know it is not easy. But the real power belongs to these who can build relationships. Your network is your networth

[@justinjbolyard]

Can I add? For NP’s specifically, since we prefer to be approached, I have noticed it’s better to not give people attention in public because it allows them space to observe you first and let them decide if I’m worth speaking to. Don’t give the opposite sex googley eyes because you are attracted to them, internalize that. Notice them and carry on. Give them space to observe you because when you are looking at them, that’s less time they could be observing you. Focus on being productive, and let people distract you if they want to distract you.

[@CSJoseph]

Well said

[@misscogito9865]

Hm… Isn’t the ‘let them observe’ approach more relevant to meeting and intriguing the INTJ, rather than loving them?

[@justinjbolyard]

@@misscogito9865 Yes let INTJ see and observe you being productive. Allow them to make their own choice about you.

[@sharpiesarecool814]

"I'm creepy AF" hahahah the honesty is entertaining

[@sharpiesarecool814]

@Hana600 probably not. I'm not sure.

[@wavecycle494]

​@Hana600 Creepy is not the word I'd use to describe my initial impression of ENTP women who have approached me. An INTJ man, at least this one, will probably be worried that they themselves are coming off as creepy.

[@ayg2199]

i think the harsh criticism is really targeted towards young immature INTJs. us middle aged INTJs have had to force ourselves to get a life. but i must agree that going out and experiencing life is always a challenge. two minutes after leaving the house i hate everything and everyone.

[@Napoleonicwarfare]

Honestly can't see why I'd need to feel like that everytime I left the house. I genuinely enjoy pushing my nature to it's limits. Going to the gym, playing football, I have a business. I genuinely am uncomfortable doing ALL these things but when I retreat I am satisfied I did my work.

[@imanafdar]

for fellow INTJ, dump perfection and start the action Inaction is the worst, way worse than imperfection

[@andriasanders9747]

An INTJ woman with many baby daddies??? 😳INTJ women walking up to strangers in bars and introducing themselves?? INTJ women begging a man for a second chance after being rejected??! Questioning my type man….

[@CSJoseph]

How about questioning your maturity?

[@aladdout9454]

begging someone for a second chance isnt that uncommon in intjs actually

[@andriasanders9747]

@@CSJoseph just couldn’t relate.

[@reicherreinhardtvonkesslri9847]

ikr the guy is clueless.😆

[@tituslowman5957]

I am a total textbook INTJ… the last 10 minutes of this video makes me cry so hard. It made me see that I was wrong when I thought that he hated INTJs and just got off on being mean. It felt good to experience someone not seeing me as a monster all the time. Sometimes the monster needs a hug. 😺 My girlfriend is an ESFJ and I learned so much about being better to her because of it. I am going to actually sign up for some of his advanced services and such. I never subscribe to anyone for anything.

[@icingcake]

😿 I don’t think he’s mean (at least not to us😆) - just accurate 😂 Good luck!

[@tituslowman5957]

@@icingcake I know that now after watching more videos. 😺

[@icingcake]

@@tituslowman5957 🙌 did you try any of his services? How did it go?

[@sylvia470]

Can't wait for Joseph ranting for an hour in '8 rules for loving an INTP'... 'INTP! You gotta take a shower! Change your clothes more often for f**k sake! Don't be such an obvious creep! etc...' :D

[@borisvandruff7532]

So interesting how differently Se inferior manifests in INTJs vs. INFJs. INFJs (myself and other INFJs I know) treat Se inferior very different. I’d call rule 4 for loving INFJs “Don’t waste an INFJ’s time if you’re not going to stick around.” Abandonment after an actual relationship hurts WAY more than initial upfront rejection. It seems like rejection hurts an INTJ at any stage quite a bit more because Te Parent and Fi Child is much more aware of what it can offer others, and how much more interesting they are to others than most. To be fair, most of the time, their assessment is actually correct. The pride is what leads to rejection. I like the nuance here.

[@borisvandruff7532]

@Hana600 1) Fit into their future plans, particularly by creating shared meaning. 2) Don’t shut the INFJ out emotionally. 3) Correct logic with facts. 4) Be either in or out with your INFJ. Don’t waste their time if you’re not sticking around. 5) Remind the INFJ that things could turn out better than they anticipate. 6) Give tough love that is both tough and loving. 7) Don’t ever let an INFJ handle money by themselves. Help them budget. Help them save. Help them invest. 8) Respect the sacrifices they’ve made to make you happy and give you a good experience, and prioritize their needs since they won’t ever prioritize their own.

[@RachelledelaRosa]

@@borisvandruff7532 This is pretty good, but I'm actually decent with budgeting and investing - it's even fun for me! So you can keep your rule 8! lol. Thanks Dave Ramsey & Graham Stephens 🤣

[@justinjbolyard]

@@borisvandruff7532 How could I help her with #7, need some tips! Also #6 is tough, Ti parent can go over board for her liking.

[@borisvandruff7532]

@@justinjbolyard 7 would be served by verifying her sources. 6…Fe child is good at gauging whether or not your output is actually effective.

[@borisvandruff7532]

@@justinjbolyard Like, remember, high Ti can be correct without being overly brutal. It’s a processing function more than an output function.

[@dianadias3]

It's so funny The second date the INTJ and he took me to a very expensive clothes shop, and asked me to try some clothes out. Then he complimented me on how good I looked ,and I really felt good and luxurious. I guess he is trying to increase my quality of life. I guess he's one of the good ones. Can't wait to adapt to his lifestyle. Me ENFP

[@alexandras9830]

This is making me feel really lucky to date an INTJ who’s put in the work.

[@wolfone8538]

Good for you buddy 👏🏼

[@TonyDaExpert]

The sharing thing is so true, it’s so nice to have someone that shares things with you (and not just anyone) and you can share anything with them.

[@codyrichards7107]

This video sounds like you were hurt by an INTJ and you're talking to one person.

[@CSJoseph]

Not just one, many. And I'm hoping INTJs take note so they don't miss out on what they want.

[@sylviaowega3839]

INTJ’s will always be my favourite type. That is also because I’m also I’m a fellow introverted NT, and always related extremely with all the NT intellectuals. Even my best friend is a female E/INTJ, and is the only friend that hasn’t either gotten angry with me, or door slammed.

[@hw8919]

Truthful criticism, regardless how harsh, hurtful or brash is absolutely necessary. I need it in order to learn how to be lovable.

[@sylviaowega3839]

As an INTP, I’m very good at spotting logical fallacies, and my INTJ husband will become quite perturbed and annoyed at first, but will attain a sense that I will have gained his respect.

[@Wtf-er7du]

“INTJ’s are afraid of life” that’s litterally me in a sentence and Im an INFP

[@anovelidea4841]

I thought the same exact thing and I am also an INFP

[@icingcake]

Life is full of imperfections lol

[@ShadowQuik]

Rule #9: react to us If you don’t react, our Se inferior feels awkward and we don’t have any data to make adjustments. Give feedback

[@tiyahyisrael3277]

omg yes

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

Overreaction annoys me too. I notice ISFJs overreact a lot.

[@ShadowQuik]

@@qasimimtiaz9668 ok i have to agree

[@hfortenberry]

THIS!

[@smcdoug11]

ENTPs are intuitive but be kind. Frankness is efficient but also feeds a negative personalities desires. That's why she won't leave you alone. I'm an ENTJ and I'll need your help soon. Thank you for all your work and evaluations. I've learned a lot to improve myself

[@sylviaowega3839]

If it is one thing you do not want to see is a demoralized INTJ male. Just yesterday my INTJ called me all me all from Amsterdam almost in tears, because his bossed winded up making fun of him and questioned his competence in front of a group of people that he hardly needed. I was never good at dealing with human emotions as an INTP, but was still able to intensely feel his pain. I part of me just wanted me to beat the crap out of supervisor, especially knowing that he is a narcissist.

[@kendelloffgrid]

How to bag INTJ women: 1. Ignore them 2. Stab them if they get too close 3. Criticize them as they bleed out 4. ??? 5. Profit

[@icingcake]

Stay on those meds bro

[@JB-qg3iw]

For the longest time i thought i should just stay in the background and if people were loyal to me they would approach me. The thing is, i had some success with this, but people quickly moved on. From now on I'm gonna make an effort to risk rejection to be in more relationships. I'm actually not that bad at small talk, believe it or not, I just only do it to people who are in my social bubble, and only when they initiate with me. I'm honestly surprised i had any success with that strategy...

[@etherealrosegold]

That ending...about sharing, was. Every.Thing. I actually take those advices and apply where I can...cause at the end, everyone wants to be loved.

[@aladdout9454]

"falling in love with the chase than the mouse"... i refuse to believe you came up with that on the spot👁️👄👁️

[@melino9709]

“I do it for the women” for the children 🙏🏽

[@ammar9279]

I had i think a female INTJ cat, very energetic. Its routine, licking and stretching in the early day surveying the neighborhood, making friends with people in the neighborhood and their pets including dogs. She has very exceptional response time. My ENFJ mom take care of her until she all grown up. She has shiny black fur, very clean while only by licking, I always say that she has fur like a horse because of that spectacular fur. In around 3 or 4 pm she'll lay down on the floor until late afternoon commading for space. She died because of car accident. Her fast response couldn't safe her from her death.

[@eliseross6885]

I am an INTJ and i have a relationship with ENTP for the last 10 years. The forst 4 years we were very happy, now we are at the point of calling it quits for good tomorrow. There is no hugs, kisses, cuddling, making love , or closeness for 6 years.. i open up and pour out my inner most thoughts and frelings, only to have entp tell me i am wrong , imagining, or crazy. I wish that we could be transparent, open, honest, spiritual, emotionally stable, steadfast, and beautiful connection we once lived. I want to see the spark in his eyes and our excitement sharing our thoughts. I am attending counceling to manage my sadness and hopelessness in our daily interactions. I am taking responsibility for my part in the destruction of what we built. I do want to help heal us before we part ways, however its hurting so bad I don't think i can take another moment. I am rejected every night for 6 years and he is mad because i am shut down...

[@jaredvaughan1665]

Lots of INTJs are dismissive avoidants in attachment theory. And avoidants fear rejections. Whereas anxious preoccupieds fear abandonment.

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

Intj vs infj. My opinion is being a intj or infj is a trauma response.

[@icingcake]

@@qasimimtiaz9668you’re probably right

[@haphazardacrylics]

I’m an intj and I’m anxious attachment more than anything. The avoidant(doorslam) part comes only AFTER terrible treatment/ rejection consistently.

[@Thel-Vadam]

Damn, very blunt delivery but damn you're spot on, rapidly becoming my favorite mbti content creator, and yes i have noticed just showing up is half of the work, i have had sucess at the most random places it's ridiculous. I bet if you tuned down on the harshness for certain types you would grow more in the community and spread your splendid content further, thanks :).

[@CSJoseph]

I could, but I'm the only one out here that cares enough to tell those types the truth, despite knowing they may not like me for it.

[@Thel-Vadam]

@@CSJoseph Commented before the end, was rather touching actually

[@ludovicarufo1074]

I'm an intj woman and the part about showing up and the fear of failure/rejection hit me so hard. I dated an entp man two years ago but I suddenly disappeared because I couldn't keep up with him, my fear of being boring and not enough for him was destroying me till the point of no return (even tho he contacted me several times after our discussion and he didn't see my unreasonable point). I now understand my mistakes and my limits and think about him and those times with nostalgia.

[@rachelhunter541]

Too right, they're afraid of life. My INTJ ex was a father of 2 young kids separated from an abusive wife. It ended because 1. He was afraid of giving his kids the same experience as he'd had as a child of divorce- his mum dating a string of guys etc. He wanted to avoid doing the same. 2. He was afraid of disappointing me and letting me down. Ironically, a potentially great relationship for both of us ended because he was too afraid to show up. That was pretty disappointing and a let down. I'm an ENFP, so was super patient. But in the end, even I had had enough.

[@sushibaby9675]

Really, those INTJ guys are hard to deal with - no one undestands them better than C S. I am also tired of trying to take one of them out, and he's in the same situation as described above, and yes one more NFP here, giving up. It is what it is. Even God can't help you, if you don't want to help yourself. 🙂

[@rachelhunter541]

Well, since I posted that comment, I left my intj far behind and am so grateful I did. He may have had a brilliant mind and good at making a success in work, but so selfish and immature!! I'm not really in c s joseph these days. I've been studying germanische heilkunde according to Dr Hamer and his work on the 5 biological explains why people are the way they are. Different personality types are influenced by the biological conflicts we experience.

[@sushibaby9675]

@@rachelhunter541 yes, it turns out that a brilliant mind doesn't equal good social skills 🙂

[@rachelhunter541]

@@sushibaby9675 it certainly does not!

[@corrinblock]

I've been doing a lot of shadow work lately. You handed me a missing puzzle piece by saying " constantly trying to satisfy our needs but not being able to figure them out"

[@duggo3918]

This was phenomenal... much appreciated as always. It feels like you dropped 100 truth bombs in this one. Some of it was pretty hurtful; this is a lecture worth watching over several times as I cannot take it all in at once. I feel as though I am more of a failure for knowing all this information about myself and still not living up to my potential, but I hope to make failure a catalyst for effort in my life. Thank you for your sincerity. EDIT after some thinking: The thing about worst fears in a relationship: on paper, a loyal person who makes me feel lonely is much better than a disloyal person who pretends to always be there. In practice, though, I am too prone to taking things at face value and assuming the latter is actual loyalty, while dismissing the former as betrayal. Thus, the feeling of betrayal and abandonment comes from the wrong scenario. That's fine though. Take things for granted and you deserve false pain. It teaches you either way.

[@CSJoseph]

Seems that way doesn’t it

[@codyflores3920]

It’s not the reality of the situation that INTJs find small talk difficult because we have nothing interesting to say and are social losers. Small talk is often boring to us. In fact, as an INTJ, I find many people to be very boring not because they are intrinsically so. After all, the types are very interesting when you take the time to study them. Rather, small talk is often a mask that people wear to hide themselves. When people finally take off that mask, then their conversations become interesting. Therefore, as an INTJ, I have to be willing to expose myself in an effort to get the other person to open up and then we can have MEANINGFUL conversation. That’s what INTJs are wanting. It’s fair to say that INTJs can be afraid of life and that can limit their experience. However, it’s not fair to say that an INTJ who has spent their entire life seeking enlightenment has few interesting things to say. Sorry, had to critique the first part of the lecture because it wasn’t entirely accurate.

[@CSJoseph]

Are you speaking for you or all INTJs, you're switching back and forth. You may be an exception to most INTJs and that would be great news! I'm not claiming to make any statements are 100% true of all of a type, that would be impossible. If you feel I am wrong and most INTJs have followed your path and developed the same way you have as a result, then we'd just have to agree to disagree.

[@icingcake]

Small talk is not a mask. They are just safe, inoffensive topics that give you time to catch someone’s vibe. If people feel comfortable around you, they open up - it’s not that hard. Just ask themselves about themselves. If you genuinely ask somebody how they are doing, they will talk your ear off and you don’t have to say a thing.

[@murnoth]

Thanks Chase, I'm gonna go shoot my shot tomorrow with an INTJ who I know sees my value and who I know is really shy about guys, because I don't think she's ever dated one.

[@virginia4032]

Crazy. It's cold here today, too. This is absolutely true. I've stopped myself from trying to meet people because I never felt perfect, or I found every flaw I could think of. In the end, I decided it doesn't matter. People are pretty great. Just going up to people and talking to them always helps. Most people don't mind and even asking them about themselves really helps them open up. I like to make them laugh. Of course the humor doesn't always stick 😅 Some people complain that you can get hurt, but who cares? That gives both sides a chance to hurt each other. And that's just a small reason not to try. Thank you, btw. This is great!

[@b0r_at]

People are not pretty great. Actually I would say in general they suck, but it makes the people you find that are actually worth it almost invaluable. The more people you meet the better you will feel about the people that actually matter. That's what drives me to talk to people. Nothing better than finding someone you can actually see yourself with, either friend or relationship.

[@ThisEvilBunny]

I didn't come here expecting to be viciously attacked but here we are.

[@justinjbolyard]

Also don’t wear headphones in the gym if you want people to approach and want them to distract you.

[@CSJoseph]

Preach

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

Yeah, hate when girls do that in the gym

[@icingcake]

People talk to you with headphones anyway

[@DumbMNSportsGuy]

As an INTP it's so great to hear him rip into another personality type for once.

[@aishaadam7473]

Hhhhhhh I had the same thought

[@CSJoseph]

lol everyone gets some.

[@malakashraf2801]

Thank your lord , he hardly does that for us .

[@benjaminkoren5795]

Small talk is such a powerful tool. It is worth more than anything, because connection is the foundation of trust which makes all things possible. For example, there was a lady at the night club I was talking to and she looked very tired. All I did was sit there, check up on her and talk about how late it was. Then we hugged and I kissed her cheek since she wanted me to. Get out there you crusty crab INTJs and make some waves 🌊🌊🌊.

[@benjaminkoren5795]

@@qasimimtiaz114 still learning hehe

[@RachelledelaRosa]

The section about raising quality of life was really insightful for me. I can see how my ENTP projected INTJ onto me because when he lost his job and home a month into us dating he was shocked that I wasn’t critical to him about his living situation and just met him where he was. He naturally tries to offer to increase my quality of life too, it’s really nice, and I appreciate it and meet him there by raising my standards as well even though I’m not Fi child myself. It’s provided a lot of motivation for our future which I love.

[@kimmi9697]

yes, it's not often easy for others to understand or perhaps more accurately, they don't know how to appreciate it, but we are very good at taking care of the people we love in in both the physical and non-physical well-being. to add to some of the ideas you shared, it's about helping that loved one to come to their own power as a better version of themselves

[@da4k394]

Im an intp my gf is an intj it's true its v hard to keep up with her (ik she is like me doesn't go out alot doesn't have alot of friends) But it's really difficult to keep up But to be honest u will realise how much intjs are actually so sweet and so real if u become v close to know about him/her they look crazy to alot of people but actually they are not crazy cause there thoughts are the good and right things we all forget about but cause we forget about it and don't do it anymore so we think they are crazy im so happy with her tysm for the video pure facts

[@natashaqueer]

My INTj never shows up and he’s making it freaking hard to love a vanished man

[@jacquelinec4691]

Hello INFP here married to an INTJ for almost 23 years. My INTJ husband is very good in social settings. When he is feeling relaxed he becomes quite humorous and has most people in stitches. After all this time it still surprises me because I know who he really is. We were both theater kids in high school and I’m curious if that had an affect on how we both move through social settings. Idk though. His dad was a very hard working ISTJ and his mom a creative ISFP. Maybe that had something to do with it?

[@NourTheDreamer]

Introverts socializing at a very young age helps immensely

[@RoseyCreations]

I love the brutal honesty! I have terrible small talk skills and now I know it's because I'm not interesting to keep up a conversation. Thank you!

[@BullieBodywork]

Same here 🙏🏾

[@thestrangequarksexperience501]

i disagree with "dont reject" them. i am an intj-woman and i reject men all the time. men who cant accept that can be very annoying. so its only fair if i accept rejection + honesty is my no.1 rule. but with the last rule you brought a tear to my eye. its true: "its worse to be lonely in a reationship, than beeing alone". i am sick of feeling lonely among people, thats the reason why i hide my self in the basement.

[@CSJoseph]

Probably because you are bad at performing . And you get worse as time goes on because you hide in the basement

[@thestrangequarksexperience501]

@@CSJoseph i dont know, what you mean by "bad at performing". when i go out in public, people find me interesting and funny, i play several instruments at jam sessions, i'm one of the few women who dares to play electric guitar there. at parties, i'm one of the best dancers. my enfp-ex said i was an "x-goddess". as soon as i leave the house, i get hit on so often that i'm annoyed by it. the problem is not that i'm boring, but that others bore me. the problem is not that no one is attracted to me, but that i don't find anyone attractive. i'm tired of putting myself on a lower intellectual level for others.... and then there are the social dramas of the others... people are exhausting, i often have more fun alone. besides, i'm tired of relationships where i just give and nothing comes back, relationships that just make me feel burnt out. yes, i can be the life of a party, but then i need a lot of alone time again. i can make a group of people laugh and feel dead inside at the same time. yes, i've gone out again and again, but people have just frustrated me so many times that i'm fed up. well... anyway, thanks for the answer.

[@icingcake]

I agree - people bore me - but I’m less hiding in my basement than avoiding being a regular because one crazy stalker always ruins everything lol

[@boogieap3617]

Roasting the fuck outta me but it’s all facts

[@storytimewithkellyb.chadwi5927]

This was so helpful and true. I am an INTJ woman and will share this with future partners. Thank you for it!

[@sylviaowega3839]

As a female INTP I absolutely hated going out in the market and also engaging in small talk, so I had to make a huge effort in ‘showing up’, albeit I couldn’t get a guy to be interested in me. I actually didn’t ‘strike it rich’ believe it, or until I got asked out by an INTJ male for that one simple coffee date. Imagine that! 😅

[@plasma.]

That "don't reject your intj" rule is pretty accurate. This one girl kept turning down things I wanted to do with her (even though we were fine with everything else, talking included) so I just ghosted her

[@phil2pips]

As an INTJ, i needed to hear these harsh truths

[@fificore]

*I once rejected an INTJ after he acted crazy. Never have I rejected someone that hard. He pestered me so I pretended I accepted him and he left me alone. I intuitively knew this would happen. Thank goodness I don't have to interact with him anymore. What a circus with madhouse tendencies.*

[@fificore]

I think he was acting crazy cause he was low on sleep. Get some damn sleep, INTJs! Imagine the horror of a sleep-deprived Ne Nemesis.

[@ashuranero5721]

I had a similar expirience with an ENFJ

[@aladdout9454]

so what are we talking about here what do you mean by acted crazy? ☕

[@fificore]

@@aladdout9454: Possessiveness, guilt-tripping and not taking no for an answer.

[@aladdout9454]

@@fificore oh, sounds like smthing all NJ guys seem to have before maturity. Hope you are ok❤️

[@angeline9552]

5:09 facts. honestly after internalizing that “half of life is just showing up” my life has gotten so much better

[@edennis8578]

Fellow INTJs, here's the thing about small talk: 99% of people would rather talk about themselves than hear you talk, so just get them to start talking about their life/interests/whatever and let them go like little energizer bunnies. You might not even get a word in when you do want to say something. 🤣

[@icingcake]

Exactlyyy

[@ritaweygint4038]

So very true! It’s how I “socialize,” LOTS of listening!

[@RSTimeDefender]

Thank you. This was really valuable. The 8th rule and the ending really hit home for me.

[@thebobfather3349]

Thank you for being you bro. Not that it's any of my business, but you are strong and unique. Just keep being awsome. Yes I am INTJ. Keep calling them out. Building character is a continuous interaction with the world. Put in action people. Much love.

[@Handleitt1]

FI child explains everything 😂 I will start pushing myself to be out more. All criticism is constructive. Your 8 points are on spot, but I’d be the type to burn a bridge if another female was even a mental option to the person I’m invested in because of paranoia. Idk how an intj would want a person more if that person is wanting/thinking of someone else. Something I will have to crack down on.

[@malakashraf2801]

I don't think it's exactly about the person wanting someone sele other than the intj , it's about the intj realizing the person is desirable enough to attract others, so they have to make some effort to win .

[@sylviaowega3839]

My INTJ is far more possessive of money than myself. Just doesn’t like to share. He also had difficulties with me having platonic male friends

[@jabbersnarky628]

I've got to give it to you. The delivery here was heartfelt and kind. And it was so much easier to take in your great info. I really liked it.🔆Props🔆 I like this style of blunt but kind teaching much better. Loved the exploration of the need for space. And that bit about helping your Intj sleep and sharing was so god damn touching, I almost cried. That balls deep in another woman line was super gross though. Probably don't say that to your Intj, lol. That and the I'm married "right now" read as disloyalty red flags to my Intj brain, despite the intention of the line meant to lessen any perceived rejection. Other than that, this video was top tier. Sorry that Intj seems to be basically stalking you. Hope she grows up sometime and moves on for your sake and hers.

[@CSJoseph]

Let’s just not presume anything about my character until you have met me in person.

[@jabbersnarky628]

@@CSJoseph no, not you, just the line.

[@luaysalim]

35:47 is the best moment :) anyway this episode gives more understanding for intjs obstacles in life. I have intj brother and this made me sympathetic towards him Thanks Chase

[@POVofanENFP]

4:45 - Where are all the good men & women... Not with you because you don't even show up outside your house 6:05 - You can't do small talk because you have nothing interesting to say. Go outside and get some life experience 11:24 - GO OUT!! 13:30 - Give them space to make their own choice, don't smoother them 17:15 - Xanatos Gambit them, don't influence them by saying I think that this is the best choice because then they won't choose it 18:15 - Always leave things open - Burning bridges will give you a worst future 19:40 - INTJ thinks that if I don't have to compete for you than you're probably not worth it - Se Inferior 20:32 - Rule #2 - Be brutally blunt honest with them, don't be afraid of hurting their feelings 24:50 - INTJ you could be wise if you get some life experience by showing up outside your home 26:30 - Rule #3 - Fi Child - Adopt their quality of life, be willing to test and adopt their standards 31:35 - Offer them praise for trying to raise your quality of life 31:45 - Rule #4 Don't reject INTJ's - Either say yes or not yet 35:25 - INxJ's Logic about relationships 41:15 - Rule #5 - Always share what you're gonna do before you do it, at least give them an idea, they're paranoid & jealous 48:32 - Rule #6 - Ti Critic - Stand your ground when it come to your thinking vs their thinking, but still listen to them, don't take what they say at face value, don't be a yes man, 52:20 - Rule #7 - Tell them your plan when entering a social setting, give them the low down lol, social game plan, our escape plan LOL!!!, social battle plan LOL!! 56:55 - Rule #8 - Help them sleep, help solve their problems, share everything with them, share with them what you're doing to improve yourself 1:01:50 - ENxP's - Let your INTJ know that you don't share everything with just anybody but they are special so you're sharing with them

[@LittleMew133]

So interesting that ENTP is stated as INFJ and INTJ' great match. But I never felt any attraction towards any ENTP ever.

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

Depends on what you looking for?

[@icingcake]

Same

[@Persephoneeeeeee]

Im an INTJ and did the work over the years. I am able to go out there and adventure. I finally found an INTP thats matches me very well.

[@ma456choz6]

1:03:26 --> Being alone in an intimate relationship is definitely pretty bad, but it's not quite my biggest fear because I feel like at least the INTJ would have the choice to leave/break off the relationship. Unless... I somehow still wanted the person despite them not caring about me. Then that would be bad, very bad. Are INTJs prone to being addicted to toxic relationships? Right now, my biggest fear is actually dying alone from cancer. It's like the combination of every worst fear for me ever: - Alone in a cold hospital bed in lots of endless physical suffering. The nurses try to comfort me but it's all perfunctory. - Ne nemesis magnifies physical pain because of all the anxiety and worry attached to it - All the friends I cherish and have invested in choose not to be there for me because they're busy raising their own kids or tending to their "real" families... even though I will have thought we were family too by that point... - The people I believed in -- when I need them most, none will be there for me and I will die alone in pain and fear. - Since I'm dying, there's no future or "hope" , no way to believe that "if I get through this I can do x" - Meaningless suffering -- The lack of support will show that no one really cares how I lived or died (My parents will no doubt have passed away from old age long before I die of cancer at age 40 or whatever...) ^Lots of doomsday talk, but that is pretty much my ultimate worst fear. I guess it would be like I gave up all my good health for the ultimate performance, and it all lead to nothing in the end. Not only that, but abandonment too. Perhaps a less self-centered person's worst fear would be losing their loved ones. Deep down though, I am pessimistic that I will be able to cultivate those loving relationships in the first place. I'm glad you make these videos and tell us the truth. By taking your advice I can help ensure I don't have this kind of terrible future waiting for me .... Trying to learn to trust more, be wiser and have more humility. It's HARD though. All we can do is try our best. Who knows what outcome us INTJs will have? It's kind of funny. That shadow-focused ENTP guy you typed earlier this week might actually have less despair in his future than I do in mine!

[@TarzanHedgepeth]

Here, let me help other INTJs.. pick up a guitar, get good, perform for people in their living rooms. My now wife CAME UP TO ME and demanded me. (Edit: I rejected her for a minute, but as she was walking away, l heard, “DON’T LET HER GO”; so I grabbed her hand before she got farther than an arm length away.) She’s now pregnant with our 5th child… our first girl! (Hallelujah) I also used to play on the streets… met TONS of personalities that way. People aren’t exactly like the internet. Flesh and blood changes things a little. Here’s a warning for the INTJs that ARE relatively active - maintain some standards.

[@Floridamanknowsbestt]

When I was 16 my mom hacked my AOL messager to set up a surprise birthday party for me. I was piiiiiissed. The party was cool but the surprise was 100% not, invading my personal space was not, I felt had by my friends. (More because I felt stupid for being tricked because they were all in on it and i couldnt read the situation) so yea, don't do that. My enfj mother was more excited about her having the pleasure of throwing the party than Throwing the party that I would actually enjoy with the people I would have actually invited myself.

[@mauritsbol4806]

As a fellow entp, it is also pathetic to speak to people like that. Usually, and this is the beautiful thing about red flags, they don’t exist about other people, but they do exist about yourself. He is doing the thing i believe every entp (and people in general) should refrain from doing. Judgement. I do agree with the narrative that intj’s should seek to improve themselves more, but so do i think about that of entp’s. Heck my dad is probably an entp and haven’t spoken to him in years.

[@OPH2]

6:43 the problem with investing too much with random people is u can't trust them. they might turn on u years later and tell all your weakness and secrets. this happened to me once I won't taste betrayal twice

[@b0r_at]

Investment in people is like a game. Give them a tiny amount and see what they do with it. If they return on investment you can give them a little more. Then if they betray you at that point you know you didn't give them everything. Ik it's hard not to give all of yourself to someone you value but relationships are too valuable to avoid so be smart and protect yourself from yourself

[@CSJoseph]

Anyone can turn on you anyway. You can’t stop that. If you think you can then you might be one of those losers who believes love and respect are earned instead of given.

[@b0r_at]

@@luissberenguer_ All social interaction is a transaction whether you like it or not. Better to be skeptical at first of a new person than jump in 100%.

[@elisereid5101]

Oh how I love CSJ completely calling it like it is😂

[@CSJoseph]

Have to, INTJ women typically disgust me with their dumb boss babe crap

[@invictette72]

This guy is such a dork. "I can't tell her what to do." Yeah people don't like that. I think an argument with this guy would be amusing though, he's so self assured about his opinions. I was married to an ENTP and there were a lot of fun arguments because feelings didn't get hurt and I could poke at the flaws in his logic.

[@CSJoseph]

I've been called worse I guess.

[@AmateurEdits-u9m]

Some people within the context of a sexual relationship find it reassuring

[@simpletomash]

I ain't writing the rules down this time. Fuck that.

[@kabutokani]

idk why but I find it moving when i heard him said the rule number 8 about intj , i just cried for some reason , really good video and information , this helps me deeply.

[@alhamdullilah12]

mr chase try using „snus“ instead of smoking a cigarette, then you still get ur tabacco but wont smell like cigarettes… (trying improving youre life because ty for youre valuable information❤️)

[@haphazardacrylics]

The sharing thing at the end/feeling alone in a relationship made me cry. This videos seals it for me.

[@haphazardacrylics]

A lot of the reason why we act the way we do is that we’re struggling with a feeling-it’s not a thought or thinking. My friend who I believe might be a starter type has figured out that I don’t answer when asked what I’m thinking, but how I feel? I can almost always quantify that.

[@nadiinesamyy]

It's funny you say that INTJs have to be the ones to initiate, when in reality I actually want others to approach me first lol like it's something I don't mind and it's how most of my friendships came to be soo..

[@ashuranero5721]

Same here, also INTJ

[@choco1199]

Maybe both of you are typed wrong

[@ashuranero5721]

@@choco1199 I was tested several times, i am pretty sure i am an INTJ, for us introverts initiating is exhausting as running a marathon

[@corrinblock]

Same, it saves time lol

[@Handleitt1]

Same, there was only two times I suffered high anxiety for days until I built up the courage to be rejected in high school 😂 Everyone else can walk up then I can decide if I should retreat or give them a chance and decide. Still, if a person could actually catch my eye then it would be better to build character by stepping up before the chance is missed.

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

more i do small talk… the better i get. also, even if you get rejected, it get a person more interested in you tbh especially if you would see the person again.

Wow. I enjoy listening to your work but sometimes a bit over the top. No we don't enjoy small talk, that is true. But I think that it is because the ideas in an INTJ mind are way more interesting than small talk. If you observe an INTJ discussing something of interest/substance then you will see that they are quite capable of having very deep conversations. We just don't do superficial...and we are ok with that... I have an INFJ friend and the conversation never ends...

[@zhoumei6]

In order for an intj to improve your life quality: 1, their moral is developed in some extent. 2, he/she likes you enough to scrutinize your whole lifestyle 3, he/she trust you enough to offer opinions 4, the one is willing to make changes or nothing really changes, you can’t help someone who don’t want to help themselves.

[@zhoumei6]

Plus, we love challenges:)

[@zhoumei6]

Well, at the same time, changes are not always make positive influences, I feel myself will stuck with pondering if it is good, like you said, the quality of the life. Like my own experience, I like to twick my life here and there to make it having higher quality here and there, but when I am leading the changes, it has the potential to cost other people’s needs as well like what I do to myself. But I am getting back to scrutinize my own basic needs to actually ground myself down. It in return offers more opportunities to initiate myself to things I inspired to do.

[@maxii7312]

I didn't expect to get scolded. 🤣 But you're right

[@BookofYAH777]

12:20 "Siri is the stupidest thing that Apple created" - throw it in the dumpster to keep your car tidy

[@TonyDaExpert]

I usually just talk about my studies in like designing and making robots and electronics, the future of technology, the thought process of designing things. Also interested in making Video Games as a hobby so I talk about that. I just found that feeding your Ni really helps, when something happens related topics flash to my mind, usually can be humorous if they into dark humor. Also I do go to gym not super interesting to talk about but I can talk about the process for nutrition and training type for specific outcome. Dating an ENTP rn. I had ESF parents that forced me to play sports and hangout with people almost everyday when I was younger I hated it but it helps a bit being social when I have to.

[@Hybe123]

Tough? Rugged? Brilliant? You're very humble... and funny :D

[@kendelloffgrid]

Well shit. 15 minutes into the video and its not looking good for team ENFP. How do you even approach them?

[@blitz19113]

Finally. Been waiting for this Chase. Thanks. :)

[@katrina7277]

How can INTJs stick to their routines? And be motivated to do so?

[@malakashraf2801]

You have to want it enough , trick your brain by attaching it to other things you really want , it works sometimes

[@sylviaowega3839]

My INTJ hubby believe it, or not tends to smother me a lot, and I as the INTP had to ask him several times to provide me with more personal space

[@twistedsunshine4484]

Intj men are so jealous and possessive. Damn ain't that the truth.

[@MrRanaVenenosa]

You have to understand that they are literally incels, they are not going to find another woman easily and they know it. Remember that the vast majority are just ISTJ. They are insecure, they do not have any kind of charisma or real experience.

[@malakashraf2801]

@@MrRanaVenenosa that's not the reason , it's ni not being able to let go easily , when ni wants too much and that's it's all about it affects the se on an axis with it which is in a cognitive orbit with si so se feels secure so si becomes forever loyal , it's actually pretty beautiful . Istjs are loyal with si as well , generally it's si responsible for loyalty but we all have it somewhere , it's not about many intjs being mistyped as istjs or being boring at all .

[@bgrossman]

No we’re not. We have more important things to focus on. Of course there are exceptions

[@RebeccaEvans]

I loved with an ENTP man that he comprehended the point of having intel and bug out plans for social interaction

[@CSJoseph]

Sadly, I do not have an INTJ to share that with lol

[@enough_about_me]

I think you’re conflating your experience with an inexperienced intj..I cannot even fathom what you’re stating, your descriptions are that of one who’s arrested in development. While your in depth analysis is mostly spot on in parts, overall it sounds like a heartbroken rant.

[@CSJoseph]

Don’t project yourself onto me. The behaviors you are stating are common among INTJs, even if they are not conscious of it.

[@rinbaee]

All the intjs here be like "write that down, write that down!"

[@FFakiha]

Totally 🤣

[@tiyahyisrael3277]

yes 😂

[@Greg-lw4zb]

Fantastic, brother. Thank you for taking the time to give your thoughts. This was really interesting and useful.

[@FFakiha]

By the time this video ended, my fi kinda cried :(

[@qasimimtiaz9668]

i don’t like competing for a woman - intj is disrespectful. best strategy for intj guys is to build themselves so they won’t be any competition.