Active Listening Skills

[@alexanderlyon]

1. Free class and downloads at my website: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources 2. 30-min. class (free) on *Active Listening Skills* : kzbin.info/www/bejne/iJKZfWtpjdx_oQ

[@thecoderabbi]

That will be number 4. Cutting in during conversations because of the excitement of what I have to say. I need to work on this

[@ChiomaisRoyalty]

Me too. I think I'm going to forget and have to say it

[@dionfrutos7997]

Emerka orji that's reading my mind well said.

[@thecoderabbi]

@@dionfrutos7997 😅

[@No-Userrfound]

Don't think!!! Like "What should I say now", "How should I say"... just start saying and whenever you want to say something don't wait until he stop. You just cut his conversation and start saying immediately or else If you start thinking about how to say then you cannot say perfectly

[@Doniyorbek7532]

Frankly speaking, my level is upper intermediate but I have to increase listening skills like band8.5 also everyday I practice by myself guys I need all your advice

[@bettyhowery8958]

I AM GUILTY of speaking over people and aim to make the change starting today. I've learned so much about myself and how poorly skilled I am at listening. Thanks again and again!

[@alexanderlyon]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@freeman7024]

Me as well

[@Meanwoman666]

Me three

[@nobro0647]

​@@Meanwoman666 i do not want to disappoint you, however, that joke only works if the person before you says "me too"

[@sirgucci452]

Me too 😮

[@Ionic457]

‘Just shut up’ hahaha. Honestly the best advice I’ve ever heard. I always feel I have to talk for anyone to care about my existence. I need to ask questions and be there to hear other people share their thoughts and feelings with me.

[@upboyfitness8189]

I think the key to active listening isn't necessarily saving up questions to ask after the other person is done talking or nodding your head while the conversation is going on. I think the major thing for me is just being genuinely interested in what that person has to say and being present in the moment

[@alexanderlyon]

Yes! Taking a genuine interest in other people drives the entire process. I talk about that in tons of videos. If it's not sincere, it won't make much of a difference.

[@jettsetgirl]

I agree in circumstances when your invested and genuinely interested because there is a benefit to do so 😂 .. But I still feel active listening is important even in situations where you do not sincerely want to engage 😂 . A person wanting to sell you something .. Listen to the offer , make eye contact so they know you’re hearing them .. And at the end you can list the reasons why you don’t want it , and say based on that I’m not interested in discussing it further 😂😂 .. This is especially useful for people who may have trouble asserting themselves .. You can walk away from the interaction without feeling guilty

[@vortexfx420]

Yes, no thoughts. Spiritual connection and they will feel this.

[@LuluaPahalwan]

Ee❤😂

[@bengiedailly7637]

It’s so nice to read these comments and seeing that I’m not the only one who needs to work on their active listening. It makes me feel a little more accepting of myself. I was feeling ashamed of myself for being 18 years old and poor listener.

[@AnnaMcDougall]

18 is definitely not too late to improve! You're doing great if you're already working on it. It took me 8 years longer than that before I started taking my listening skills seriously. 😅

[@jonvich3011]

That’s great you’re aware you need to work on your listening skills at your age. . . I’m 31 and still have poor listening skills, but I’m excited to get better.

[@DIGITAL7Media]

omg 18? Good for you for figuring things out now. I am 45 and still trying to figure things out. Actually.. I am mainly trying to fix myself because my lack of attention and bad listening makes it hard on the wife. So I applaud you on starting early on trying to be a better human! Go Bengie!

[@DF.7]

No you’re not alone. I’m 41 and struggling with this skill apparently to this very day. You got this ❤️

[@cindy9155]

18 is a great time to start, many people don't admit it, or realize it, so at your age, you are off to a good start to being a better worker, friend, and on and on if you start to learn and practice this now!

[@InnD135]

Active Listening - 1. Commit, make the concious decision of making the conversation a priority. Relax, breath, slow down, and take your time. 2. Practice - keep making the attempt whenever engaging in conversations. 1. Non-Verbal Communication, show non-verbally you're listening no distractions. Pay attention to what Non-Verbal cues they're giving you while talking. 2. Verbal communication, ask a good question, after, stop and listen to their response. Using Small utterances - shows and keeps you engaged. Saying a word or two - "yeah" or "I hear you". Doesn't have to be full words, "mm", "ahh". 3. Responding to what someone said - A. You ask a Question, B. They Respond (don't interrupt), C. Informed responds. Show them they've been heard. This can be by asking another question and/or reflecting back what you heard. 4. Keep the focus on them & Let them Talk - make the decision it is about them talking, resist the temptation to jump in. Keep your comments or questions concise. Stick to whatever topic they're interested in. Keep half of the conversation about them.

[@ElizzaNaranjo]

thank uuu

[@thecoderabbi]

Thanks for typing it out, It makes it better to copy and save for later

[@tracieanderson4978]

thanks your awesome 👌

[@naomisaito3553]

I have to work on not interrupting with my comments

[@BigSnapper]

@@naomisaito3553 shhh Naomi. You're interrupting again.

[@zahraabdulla_]

Decision: Iam an active listener ❤️ The first rule of my speaking is: listen! "I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening"- Larry king

[@MidVicious44]

This video was helpful and gave great examples for me to understand the concepts of active listening. I struggle with focusing on the person talking and not interrupting them with my own thoughts and opinions. My mind wonders immediately 😞 and often can be very emotional to what others are saying. I really want to improve my communication skills for the sake of my personal and career development.

[@beardadlily3876]

I have the same problem, whenever i hear some familiar words from the speaker, my mind immediately wonders and think of that word in other way and mission more informations from the speaker and ending up not understanding what he/she is saying. I want to improve

[@Username1957js]

We have an epidemic of people speaking over one another. I see it constantly, even in professional settings such as Director meetings. It irritates me so badly, I really have to say an internal prayer for patience.

[@alexanderlyon]

So true! I hear you. If I let myself, I could rant and rant about it. But, by the time I sit down to make a video, I've calmed myself down a bit. Ha!

[@jenniferazor9814]

@@alexanderlyon asking questions

[@baneoffsight4871]

Problem with praying for patience is that you're put in situations that tests it... Practice makes perfect XD

[@cindy9155]

I'm glad you posted your comment and thoughts. Reading it helps me to get more aware of when I do this, and a reminder to not do it! Thank you!

[@theresatrillo6403]

@@baneoffsight4871 LOL! Bingo...my Sunday School teacher long ago told me exactly that. If you pray for patience...you will have your patience sorely tested!!

[@michele3631]

Active listening is such an important skill to foster trust and respect with someone. Of all the communication skills to learn, for me, this one will make the most impact. Thank you.

[@markleland5789]

I really need to work on “not jumping in.” I sometimes feel as though I am super excited to hear the fun stuff in a story and want to prove that I’m listening by sharing my similar stories as assurance. I now am fully aware that that is not how it really works though. Work in progress, thankfully there are some many opportunities to practice and get better.

[@Maiseys_Mumma]

5 second rule works with practice

[@InfiniteCuriousity]

@@Maiseys_Mumma can you elaborate on that please? What is the 5-second rule in this case?

[@gsziggle]

​@@InfiniteCuriousity Where you wait until there are 5 seconds of silence and then speak

[@johnmathewrosario4625]

Sharing is caring. they respond -> you give an informed response (you reflect what they just said.) i. Or you can ask another follow-up question. It's a rabbit hole. ii. Don't just look at them--emotionless, speechless--because that's creepy and that kills the momentum of the conversion you try to build in the first place. 4. Keep the focus on them and let them talk. a. Have it in your mind that all of this is going to be on the other person talking. b. To be interesting, you need to be interested.

[@alexanderlyon]

Impressive notes!

[@notyourbae8771]

THE LAST ONE "to be interesting you need to be interested'' BEST ADVICE I HAVE EVER GOTTEN, THANK YOU SM IM TAKING THIS TO GRAVE, NEVER GONNA FORGET IT!

[@WilsonBradleyTheOfficial]

Well said.. Keeping for my own notes. Thanks..

[@v.dargain1678]

Sharing is caring . Agreed .

[@Maria-xg3dz]

My boyfriend ha stold me recently that I tended to interrputing him and didn't listen to him, so I'm here to improve it, because I had had no idea I'd been doing it! Glad for your video

[@dawnarndt9814]

This video really hit home. I definitely need to practice, especially when I am stressed.

[@vincentvandenberg9136]

The urge to interrupt midway through listening, even if it's just for clarification is pretty strong sometimes, which is something I need to work on.

[@alexanderlyon]

For me, too. That's a tough one. I think it is okay to do that very politely sometimes. If you're not following what they are saying, that's probably a good time to ask for clarification in the nicest way you can. Try to do it when they pause for a second.

[@carmenmercedes9903]

Yeah me too

[@Lorenzconnok]

I believe it is a good thing to interrupt to ask for clarification, it is part of active listening and demonstrates commitment on your part to engage in the conversation. It will also help you formulate follow up questions to the topics discussed.

[@bollvigblack]

u have no problem compared to me

[@Purpleunicorn2701]

same

[@marylourivera2159]

I have ADHD and have a difficult time listening, and I do talk a lot. I do not want my diagnosis to define who I am. I want to sit quiet and listen to the other person. As a child and disciple of God, I feel it's crucial I listen to the people I shepard. I struggle with it, but I remind myself each time I'm talking to someone. It's not easy, so I typed "active listening" and came here first. Thank you! You have helped me see that there's help for me. Your tips will help me be better.

[@danielscottburke]

It is amazing how if you listen selfishly, it is felt emotionally, often in the other. Whether subconscious or not, the other will pick up on that selfishness. Working on this. Thank you for your time and space.

[@alexanderlyon]

Well said!

[@lillianhbbler960]

This very true, the other person can pick up on it.

[@SimonBarikor]

I like having the listener also observing the non-verbal communication of the speaker. Good work! Thanks.

[@flarelina]

I need to work on more on asking good questions. Maybe sometimes It's because I am not listening actively. But also, I think most of the time it's because I don't have the courage to ask questions. Need more courage and more practice though. Thanks for this very helpful video.

[@ColdPotato]

My old agriculture science teacher said when talking to people to really pull them in, let them do the talking. People love it when you give them the space to express themselves without you trying to dictate the narrative.

[@TammyJFox]

I thought I was a good listener until I met my current friend. He constantly reminds me that I "don't listen." Meanwhile, I am blaming my hearing impairment as the reason for my lack of listening skills. I was born with moderate to profound hearing loss. Now I realize that listening to understand takes skills and patience. I never knew that I have to response to what is said by summarizing and follow up questions. I do have that emotion less face because I am still processing what I heard and "ok or I agree" is the quickest way to acknowledge someone but it's doesn't give me the time that I need. And most of the time, I barely catch everything. And that's when people think I am ignoring them because I didn't respond right away. I can see why a person would stop talking because I am struggling.

[@alexanderlyon]

It's a struggle for many people, Tammy. You're not alone, but at least you have some tips to practice now.

[@lamargaskins877]

Great video, I have always struggled with actively listening but recently I have improved at it; my struggling was because of me not being patient with the speaker and not caring from time to time but I really want to turn that around more and more with God's help and whomever he may use. Thank you again for the video!!

[@alexanderlyon]

I'm glad it was helpful, Lamar. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@lamargaskins877]

@@alexanderlyon You're welcome!!

[@marcbarrieau742]

Gods help! i love it! He's there to help u and myself! ever present help in time of need

[@SouthVA]

For me, number 4! I tend to bring up my own story at times, after the person speaks of whatever the subject is about but for me, I do that to let the other person know that I understand what they're experiencing and that they're not alone.

[@alika207]

That can work once you get to know the person well and you have established good listening and give and take between you.

[@cherylecooper906]

This is where many marriages struggle when there is little or no active listening on the part of one or both parties. I agree, Alex, good communication which incorporates active listening is a choice! I'm definitely going to share this video with a certain someone. 😄😃😉

[@alexanderlyon]

So true!

[@isitthatway]

That's great I hope it isn't with somebody you feel needs it and I especially hope it isn't your spouse.

[@marygracetagun520]

The tips that i need to work on is tips number four which is "Keep the focus on them and let them talk " because sometimes when someone talking or doing something, i easily distracted and I'm fully aware of this that's why I need to practice and changing this kind of habit to be a good listener.

[@robsonjosedasilva1277]

It`s common to get distracted. Happens to me and milions of people too, but practice can help us improve. Good luck.

[@cheese4g]

I really need to work on my active listening in general, but mostly during work meetings, where most of these tips sadly don't apply. Not only am I muted during the vast majority of these meetings, but in the vast majority of that vast majority, the speaker probably isn't even aware I exist since I am one of at least 50 participants. So responding, verbal communication, and keeping the focus on the only person allowed to speak aren't really issues, lol. However, one tip that absolutely does apply is committing, or non-verbal communication. Because I am an unseen and unheard participant, I always take my need to participate lightly and busy myself with work I feel I'm behind on or I just take a break by browsing on one of my devices. I need to work on being more engaged with the meeting and paying full attention to what's being said.

[@johndenver5015]

Coach I realized even more over the weekend that I am a horrible listener.. since I started watching your videos you have helped me I'm Way More aware of how bad I really am. I am a truck driver and I spend a lot of time alone. I don't get on the CB and talk to people. Most days I may hear from someone 4 times a day in phone calls. I basically isolated myself from everyone.. My wife deserves a huge award for putting up with me. My confession is I only listen when I hear something interesting or what I want to hear. Also if it's not important to me I fake listening. I interrupt people. Notice the I statement s. We'll there's two more. I Will confess My faults by being a better listener. I want her to notice that change in me. ( Not with my words but by my actions) . I have a severe case of Headupinbuttis. Thanks Coach

[@trevorbuehler3273]

@johndenver5015 I haven't met you before but your comment is exactly how I behave in listening too.

[@elainerenodin6522]

For years I thought it was me who was unclear in my speech. I was astonished to find out it was my listening skills that affected my speaking skills. After research on active listening and putting I the effort I have become a better conversationalist. There are times when a person will go on and on and so must break rules. I understand how other people had trouble talking with me. In conclusion learning and practicing these techniques will change your life

[@HerrWeberMFT]

I love your videos and attention to detail with easy-to-follow step-by-step directions. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, we learn these skills in school and daily in practice but, we too, are susceptible to forming poor communication and listening skills. We often believe that if we're not 'saying something' we are not 'doing something.' But people are not human doers, we are human beings, and more often than not, just being present and finding the stillness in the 'experiential' moment is what people need most. Sometimes, as you stated, people need to feel validated, and often therapists are one of the few, if not only, people in someone's life who actually listen to listen without an ulterior motive. I have noticed that often, many people feel a need to talk over someone or interject out of fear of thinking they will forget what they want to talk about. However, you will often forget about what you were going to say or a question that you wanted to ask and I recommend becoming comfortable with that. It is very difficult to master listening to someone, watching their body language, and trying to process your thoughts simultaneously. Life is not scripted and when we attempt to create a scripted narrative, it creates more anxiety, not less. If the scripted narrative does not go to plan, people panic and remove themselves from being in the present moment. One of the greatest secrets I have learned is becoming comfortable with being in the present moment and becoming part of that unique moment instead of separating yourself from it. Allow it to occur organically. I also notice similar issues in a physical setting, specifically grocery stores, where most people do not leave space for cross traffic while in line, because they are afraid that someone is going to 'steal their place in line' or any other fear/anxious thought that crosses their mind (how do I navigate conflict if someone does?) It takes practice to increase your conscientiousness, situational awareness, and reduce your anxiety/fear that if someone did take your place in line, life will still go on and you can survive it. Lastly, I appreciate most your God bless you at the end; it was highly refreshing! God bless you and thank you so much for helping others learn to improve their interpersonal relationships with humility and love!

[@dibyoanuvlogs123]

I Can relate with you completely I truely follow. 1-- Verbal and non verbal. 2-- verbal by asking... questions... Or giving some reactions ... 3-- giving same related info what they just said 4-- yes more importantly we have listen ... That's very important... I've to work on -- listening them more . While they speak I put some questions and I relate with them with some same sort of info but still I don't let them to speak more ..😆😆😊👌👌 Waiting for next video !?

[@alexanderlyon]

I'm glad it was helpful, Dib.

[@jharnaahuja]

I learnt that I have to maintain my listening posture and observe the posture and expressions of person who is speaking. I've to ask them brief thoughtful questions and let them answer and until then I've to be patient. When they are done talking, I can either continue with a follow up question or respond to them via my reactions with a not so long verbal statement. I personally am eager to let people know my story but I hardly have interest in their so I choose to focus on their side of story and will try my best to make the first of conversation about them while practicing above mentioned skills also. Thankyou so much for making this video!

[@kathconstance4684]

Having done this course I highly recommend it.

[@alexanderlyon]

Glad the course was helpful!

[@terry2305]

@imiKah how can I be good at it

[@tsuwu5260]

One of the things I enjoy about listening, is that I can lead someone to mention what they like, tell them I didn't know about it and would like to learn more, and they would be talking about it with joy and minimal input from me. I think we all know that when talking about something we like, we exhibit our most positive traits, and that's what I want: get to learn what is good about the person I'm talking to.

[@EvaWongWealthCoach]

Great videos! I love the 3rd quality that you shared on active listening - responding to what somebody has just said. You broke it down into simple ways which people can follow. 1) Ask a question 2) They respond 3) Informed respond

[@trevorbuehler3273]

That would be 1 and 4. Thank you Coach Alex, I walk away, get tense or signals fade on the phone. But the number one thing I need to do is fully listen in EVERYTHING! And not deprioritize any aspect!

[@maisyax]

you can tell i’m bad at listening bc i’m scrolling through the comments rn instead 🤦‍♀️

[@receejones859]

Same. How funny😂

[@happycebu7557]

😂😂

[@LouisGuagenti]

Thank you very much. I struggle with listeningactively because of my anxiety while I’m listening to someone I’m thinking about what they’re thinking about me and also what I’m going to say back to them. In the ineffective process I miss half the conversation. I also know someone who when I’m having a conversation with them, they like to fill in the blanks as I’m speaking, in another words they guess what I’m trying to say and then complete my sentences. Most of the time they are heading down a different path than what I was trying to tell them and it’s frustrating.

[@RunningWild.]

You have no idea how much this is saving my life right now. Saving friendships and a relationship. Thank you so much for this. I have it on repeat. As well as the "comprehensive listening" video. Thank you.

[@alexanderlyon]

Glad I could help! There's one more coming out in the series in a couple of weeks on Empathetic Listening, too.

[@RunningWild.]

@@alexanderlyon I'll subscribe and hit the bell to get them all! So thankful for this.

[@Doniyorbek7532]

My dear bro can u send me again interesting lessons which based on listening skills

[@Doniyorbek7532]

@@RunningWild. come on

[@noneyabeeznez]

I am a younger sibling from a big family I got used to having to interrupt in order to be heard as everyone always talked over each other. So, I have been trying to get better at active listening and waiting my turn and being mindful of my responses and most of all asking questions about them my mind usually goes strait to something I experienced and then my mind relates it and so I end up replying that way more often, it's a hard habit to break. This video was helpful.

[@midnitehorse3713]

That is me too.!

[@sallymote-yaffe6185]

being the youngest of 4 girls, I can totally relate to what you saying. Unfortunately, I also got pretty good at looking like I was listening when I was only half listening.

[@rainybee903]

I had a lot of friends who don't listen to me actively. Like for example you tell them how bad your day was, just wanting them to listen and not necessarily give advice or an answer. But then all of a sudden they turn to how bad THEIR day was and now it's YOUR job to make them feel better. It's alright but sometimes after the conversation instead of feeling better you just feel worse :(

[@alexanderlyon]

I have found that most people aren't very good listeners. I can't prove it with evidence but I think listening skills improve with age as people mellow and focus less on themselves.

[@meowisla2032]

That sounds very, very frustrating man. You can always call out to your Creator, Allah. He responds to prayers

[@rainybee903]

@@meowisla2032 Thank you very much, you're right. And I also no longer have friends like that because my prayers have been answered ^^

[@PerfectEnglishEars]

I'm very impressed with how this channel creates listening content that is diverse and suitable for learners at all levels

[@niaznafi8117]

I hate my brain. I even got distracted while listening to this video. I don't know what I am going to with me. This is so frustrating.

[@Lamz405]

Even me😂

[@olasTraditionalwear]

Did you find the solution ?

[@shamimakther2453]

me too

[@rinarai2931]

Same here 😢

[@KR-mh7hx]

You might have ADHD. You don't get distracted on purpose.

[@chukwunyerenwosu6399]

I have learned a lot about habits I exhibit daily in my communication with others, even without noticing of them. Now I know better, I will do better.

[@literallyjustARandomPerson]

I actually needed the Most work on all 4 of them

[@Abbasabdallah97]

I need to work on responding with words. Recently I acknowledged that I should do some facial expressions when engaging in a conversation and now when I watched your video, you made me realize my reaction when I’m not responding at all only hearing and struggling between myself to fully understand what is it the other person is talking about. Thanks for the help! May Allah the greatest bless you too 🤝

[@brothermike12000]

I am glad I watched this video. I need to work on NOT jumping into a conversation with my story or trying to change the subject when it's between me and another person. I want to learn to actively listen more, which helps me with responding.

[@powerchemistrymanipur2478]

pop

[@alwinagerman6175]

This lesson need to hear also in primary school so that at an early age they learn to listen correctly. I am 16 y/o but just tonight i was learned the importance of active listening

[@lisag1157]

Interrupting is something for me to be careful not to do because THAT happens when I AM listening, but their story reminds me of something I personally connect to or experience. The biggest thing for me to work on is LISTENING - not merely HEARING them. If not careful, I can get carried away in my own thoughts (even if about something to remember to do that day) and I'll realize I really haven't heard what they've been saying. It's especially hard if I am bored, pressed for time, or just have no interest or understanding of their subject. Another frustration for me is when I make a good start at listening to them, but all they want to do is talk about themselves, with no interest shown in me or my thoughts... eventually (shrugs shoulders), I just give up.

[@utkalikasharma5122]

Firstly recognising that there is something called passive listening helped me a lot.

[@alexanderlyon]

Update: Free Class and Resources: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources Other Classes from Alex: www.alexanderlyon.com

[@gayluckman6101]

Booookokooigvvesvwwevvfsds arrested f 23rd vdcdcccccccfffffff free to survive

[@aaronmyrie]

It's 50% off because you only dedicated half of the conversation to active listening.

[@Godschildann]

Great video. I struggle to listen without interrupting the person speaking. I never realized how disrespectful this can be. Sometimes, I struggle to comprehend. I hope that I can improve these skills.

[@andreabryan8250]

What I find most challenging is 3. giving an informed response - it's so hard not to butt in and tell my "similar" experience.

[@alexanderlyon]

Well, that can be okay in limited doses. As long as it does not become an automatic habit, then you're probably okay sharing some similar experiences, especially if you have been listening for a while.

[@poojamahour4443]

⁵5

[@dmc8318]

I had trouble with interrupting to show I was relating/listening. This was helpful because now I know following a rhythm and and just sticking on topic is enough

[@sherlynnasi3798]

I need to work on in the third one which is "Active listening involves responding to what somebody just said." I don't usually respond if someone is talking, I just nod and agree to them with no corresponding suggestion and question. To be a good listener, I learned that don't just look at them-emotionless, speechless. Instead, listen carefully and focus to the topic so that you will get an interest to respond.

[@analaraavengoza1816]

tip # 4 keep the focus on them and let them talk this is what i want to improve my active listening skill because i quickly lose focus even if in a little destruction until at the end of the conversation Im not listening anymore, sometimes when someone speaks I also lnterfere in conversation even if it is not done yet.

[@DrJonTam]

Timestamps: 1:42 1. Active listening involves nonverbal communication 2:23 2. Active listening involves verbal communication 3:22 3. Active listening involves responding to what somebody just said 4:48 4. Keep the focus on them and let them talk

[@childofgod2471]

Your comment about how what we pay therapists for is to have someone listen really stood out to me. Obviously, therapists do more than just listen, however, listening is such a huge part of it. I feel it really goes to show how we collectively, myself definitely included, are so bad at actually listening to others.

[@miskimohamed192]

I think everbody know naturally How to listen actively if they are interested of the person infront of them .. if they don’t care about the person then , they choose to activate passiv listening It’s a choice everybody have the skill naturally

[@alexanderlyon]

Yes! Agreed. So, we have to find a way to care in some situations.

[@shaktilimbu8724]

Number 4 for me. Will make an effort to listen to understand the speaker better.

[@ashwingidwani3190]

Simply wanting to hear myself talk so I need to work on truly becoming a listener throughout the conversation and letting myself know mentally that I’ll let the other person do the talking even when I want to jump in and talk ahead. Listening has always been a weak point of mine. It’s not that I’m not empathetic. It’s just that I love talking and often times I’ll interrupt the other person talking just based on previous behavior

[@alexanderlyon]

Well, Ashwin, at least you are aware of it. That's a huge step. In fact, it sounds like you have pretty good self-awareness about how that comes across. I'm sure you'll get better if you just commit.

[@ashwingidwani3190]

Thanks Alex, I really appreciate your advice and look forward to improve my listening skills throughout the future

[@aaronhurlock8915]

I am struggling with active listening. My turn to talk usually starts with does that make sense. I usually take notes about what is being said to me since I forget easily what is aid to me. My notes help me to respond. When it's my turn to talk, I try to state what was said so I confirm what I need to do. And ask am I correct in my understanding? Many times the speaker walks away and says just do what I said or never mind. Sometimes I get an annoyed correct. It's a skill I definitely need to improve at in my current job or the next one. I was feeling kinda sad but this video helped. It takes practice. "I succeed because I failed 9999 times".

[@pinoynga]

I’m a salesperson by profession & by training, and boy how sales people love to talk. But my many years of continuous sales trainings taught me one key communication principle: People generally don’t like to be”told” (i.e. like a parent to a child, that is). So when we say something or “tell” people whatever, it equates to “pushing” them. As a matter of their experiences, knowledge, or their “pride” (read EGO) they may disagree with what is being said (i.e. “told”). On the other hand, questions tend to “pull” people towards the speaker. When speakers ask “questions” they involve the listener, and in fact, show the great respect by asking them to respond, regardless … “telling” pushes … questions pull! In two-way communication or conversation, egos play a key role. And egos being fragile may affect communication goals. In my selling profession, I learned that “customers” don’t like to be “told.” Customers want to have a say, always! Hence, a professional salesperson must have active listening skills in order to sell. Average salespersons like to do the talking and feel insecure if they shut-up. But a professional one learns how to listen and uses questions skillfully. When a customer asks: “Do you have it in red?” The response is not a flat “yes.” The salesperson puts the customer center stage by the client saying “yes” themselves! Responding … “Do you want it in red?” … giving the client center stage to say … “Yes, I want it in red!” Communications is a partnership between speakers and listeners, henceforth, both should have speaker & listener skills and be ready to switch places in the course of their interactions. 🙏

[@willl7134]

Like what you wrote there. Telling tends to push, while asking tends to pull. Good stuff!

[@charlieag2002]

This was an awesome response

[@farhadakbar4831]

I appreciate you for this content that you wrote. Do you want to speak with me? I am also a salesperson and I need your help.

[@pinoynga]

@@farhadakbar4831 glad to help 👍

[@JoseEduardo1594-]

Improving my Active listening is one of my goals for 2024.

[@ronanobrieno]

I believe making human connection is key...and all else follows. Thanks for the tips in your video Alex.

[@alexanderlyon]

Thanks, Rónán. I'm glad it was helpful.

[@danielngandu8656]

This is really helpful, I think this is something that everyone needs because a lot of conflict emanates from misunderstanding and a lot of the time its because we are bad listeners. For me I would say I really need to work on thoughtful questions!

[@Gina-no5hm]

I think I struggle most with responding to whatever people say. It's sometimes so tough to think on the spot especially when I'm tired or when they are giving short responses. Would appreciate another video on that :))

[@alexanderlyon]

Thanks for sharing, Gi.

[@mikemills69]

Evidently, I couldn't resist. Tuned out by commenting as you spoke, sat on my hands & replayed, thanks. What a wonderful woild..it could be.

[@Deepdreams_zzz]

Im here for personal growth

[@astrol0tl]

Same brother

[@Julia-mh2vc]

Same here

[@runningwarrior5468]

"First half of the conversation". Im going to try that! Thank you!

[@MrSpotnik]

It is sometimes hard for me to think on a follow-up question. Would love to hear more about that. Thank you for you videos by the way. I really do think it makes me a better listener and compassionate person.

[@alexanderlyon]

You got it! It's best to listen carefully to what they are saying, get curious, and then ask about a follow up detail on something they've already said. If they are talking how they like to race motorcycles, ask what kind they have or how long they've been doing it, or what first got them interested in it. So, information they talk about becomes the inspiration to ask follow ups.

[@9897431]

a: resisting temptation to relate through shared experience with said topic (share a story) sometimes even cutting them off which *usually* propels the conversation

[@GauravSingh-r9e2k]

*Fea students attendence here*

[@anilsahu8804]

Freedom Employability Academy ?

[@josepp3285]

What you mean by this. I think your are confused.

[@rohitsonkar3527]

😂

[@mohitkumar-zz5tw]

😂😂fea change my life

[@habibbhai1182]

Freedom employability academy mehmoorganj😅😅

[@sunrise8752]

Thank you! I need to work on this. I want others to feel good after having a conversation with me ESPECIALLY my family!! Thank you for this insightful and practical video 💜

[@AdamRich47]

I think that fully committing to listening is really rewarding. Also, getting interrupted is not all bad. Sometimes it means that people ARE listening, and they agree/ disagree. So on some occasions I like getting interrupted!

[@alexanderlyon]

Good points, Adam. I agree that when somebody interrupts to move things forward in a helpful way, it shows that they are engaged. That can be fine and even energizing if done well.

[@roydonmatthew8029]

sometimes I find it shows interest and excitement in the topic. but I think giving time to listen completly without interrupting and letting the person, first finish what they are articulating, is what I feel I need to work towards.I tend to interrupt way to early....which I forget, is stopping me from completely listening to people. Does anyone know the name of a Indian guy I'm trying to remember his name..... that speaks about this topic from many years ago??? Kristan Merti...? is what keeps coming to my mind but I can't find through that name..

[@miyaguin]

It’s very usual to hear the “make good questions” advice online, but you don’t hear actionable tips for this. I have figured out that what works for me is to fully focus on the other person’s story, to the point that I actively IMAGINE MYSELF doing what they are telling, feeling what they were feeling, and then very often empathy kicks in with a good question. A question you would ask yourself in their shoes or something that is missing from their story reveals itself

[@traumamom4338]

I need to work on all the tips!! I appreciate your content.

[@alexanderlyon]

Glad it was helpful, Dianna. I appreciate your comment! :-)

[@rociolovesalex]

Me and you girl!!!!!

[@seanoconnell2680]

Not jumping in! is really important! Always eager to tell and not to listen! Thanks Alex!

[@jmlee8919]

Thanks for your kind and complete explanation on this topic! I deeply agree with the fourth principle, 'keep the focus on them and let them talk', but the question is, what should I do when I talk with the person who is talking based on the same principle, especially in 1 on 1 conversation? The people in such a conversation may seem to look like being so passive without active expression about themselves. Could I ask you a good solution to prevent the ironic situation?

[@alexanderlyon]

Just give them plenty of time to say their piece. After they've done that, you can jump in when there's a clear pause in the conversation and/or before the conversation moves to a different topic.

[@zsuzsannaszucs4473]

I like how you put this video together: clear, step by step etc. But there is one thing I'd like to correct if you don't mind :) The original form of active listening defined by Carl Rogers never contained questions. As a consultant psychologist trained in person-centered technique learned to avoid questions. Rogers himself never came up with questions in his conversations. I know coaches like ask questions, but the original active listening method recommends to avoid it. One of the reason is that the question comes from us, not from the client/patient, and it can lead him/her to a wrong direction. The other one is that if him/her don't want to go that direction, he/she could feel frustrated. This is not what we intend to achive with our clients ;)

[@alexanderlyon]

Thanks for your comment. I believe you're referring to _reflective_ listening specifically. This video is about general active listening that doesn't come uniquely from Carl Rogers or a therapeutic point of view. Regular active listening comes more generally from the field of communication, my field. Active listening is useful across situations including educational settings, professional settings, etc. Either way, I have another video specifically on reflective listening and I mention in that video that asking questions isn't technically part of reflective listening.

[@zsuzsannaszucs4473]

@@alexanderlyon Thank you for your answer, I can see now your perspective. The reason I came up with this comment that "Active listening" is Rogers's term, and originally didn't contained questions - especially direct ones.

[@dramakid16ifly]

So I have a problem with my communication. When my boyfriend and I talk I tend to interrupt him. I also tend to forget my responses to what he’s just asked of me or what he’s expressing to me. How can I fix this and become better at communicating with him.

[@cindy9155]

You asked what we'd need to work on most, for me I think it's jumping in or interrupting about me-how I can relate to what they are saying. Possibly in trying to have a "common ground" I share, but can then get carried away with "my" story. I want to be a better listener, I think it could be a secret to one of the best way's to encourage or help others.

[@alexanderlyon]

I do the same thing, Cindy. I start with just trying to connect and then if I let myself I can take over conversation. Ha ha.

[@cindy9155]

@@alexanderlyon I haven't heard many of your videos, but maybe this point you'll be covering with your listeners to be aware of and find a way to stop yourself. Thanks for responding, like listening, it makes people feel valued.

[@ladylee4356]

I'm most interested in those who are interested in the subject at hand.

[@Evycakez]

why

[@padkirsch]

💕💕💕 Emotional awareness and empathy! Just general sincerity, thoughtfulness and interest/curiosity in the world and in others! 😊

[@celeridad6972]

Well I just started working on a call center and was looking how to improve my listening skills, sometimes I just don't understand the names or addresses people tell me on the phone, it's frustrating

[@choboibigly6565]

Good to know that my 'mm's and 'mhm's and 'hm's aren't just annoying sounds to fill the space when I feel like I've been too quiet.

[@Sumanth_Siddareddy]

Hi! Mr. Alex Lyon , the suggestions given by you in this vedio is really awesome 👏 . The thing should I need to put into practice is maintains a better interaction with speaker by the help of perfect non-verbal communication.

[@rakellove5395]

The one I need the most work on letting the other person speak. This was very helpful in general though. Thank you for these tips.

[@kushboygamer644]

FEA students are here.😀

[@sahilsahani3831]

😂

[@df224]

Excellent points- most important is putting and shutting any device completely off and out of sight. Next, you hit the nail on the head with listening fully and particularly to comment on even a very insignificant part of their story. For example, in your diving example, ask how long it takes to become certified and where would they like to dive they haven't had a chance to and why? This kind of attention really separates you from the pack. One last point on body language, one key characteristic to body language is look at their feet. If one is pointed towards a doorway or exit, let them out of your conversation and that you respect their time.

[@alexanderlyon]

Yes! Great thinking.

[@kanisbdg]

Some time ago I had really put the work into being an active listener, but to my surprise what caught me off guard at times, was being asked questions, when they tried to make the conversation about me. I'd get a bit irritated and answer usually in a boring way. Is that the way to make the conversation about them or should I respond much differently?

[@alexanderlyon]

Thanks for sharing. If people ask you a question, do your best to give them a good answer. Sometimes when we're listening, the other person will take an interest in us and express that with some questions. When that happens, just make it back and forth exchange and answer the question well. You can always then pitch it back to them by asking them a follow up question. If they ask you about your hobbies, for example, answer them well and then ask them about their hobbies. A conversation should be, at times, like a nice friendly tennis volley.

[@IndyBuckeye0]

I have NVLD and this is GOLD to me! Thank YOU!

[@oku592]

Who is here from FEA? Legend will like it.

[@Artwithpooh561]

I'm 🤚

[@emmancrafts.]

I personally believe number 4 is what I need to work on. I need to understand that if another person is talking, you need to give avid respect to them and understand them, just as I would want someone to do the same towards myself. 🙏🏾

[@usednapkin245]

I’ve got my first job at little Caesars today and I’m getting trained by another employee and I’m super nervous cuz I’m horrible at listening

[@alexanderlyon]

Oh, I'm glad you're watching. Watch the next video, Comprehensive Listening video. That one also works well for work situations.

[@sunnilu547]

Thank you for your video. I rarely hear the aspect of keeping and allowing the topic to be lead by the speaker. Not imputing too much of your own information in your feedback. Great reminder for us all! I used to struggle with this more but have reframed from changing conversation topics to perform better listening skills.

[@fishbags8493]

my problem is the lack of things to say, I have social anxiety and whenever I try to talk to someone, my brain shuts down, I get nervous, I try to think of a response but it just gets awkward, I don't know what to do.

[@johnnyxhusbands4921]

Same

[@creativesoul7845]

Best thing about this video is all the points are logical and very strong and practical. You are the best youtuber in terms of 'Quality' of content. 🙏🙏

[@alexanderlyon]

Thank you so much, Creative Soul. I appreciate your positive feedbac,.

[@priya5841]

Thanks for conversation .., its improve my self in listening power! again thankyou..

[@buntysingh7201]

Hlo

[@enriquerosalesmorales4154]

I just started training in a Call Center and this video has helped me a lot!!

[@venumr8089]

not me pausing the video and reading the comments to avoid listening.

[@issacchavez865]

I sometimes revert to talking about me instead of making it about the other person. Great video by the way i learned the non verbal skills