Adverse Childhood Experiences Can Be Connectors to Joy | Martha Londagin | TEDxDicksonStreet

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) affect millions of people in regard to their adult relationships, physical well being, and mental health. Martha's change in attitude toward her childhood experiences led her to see the joy in her life today, due to the connectors those ACE’s created. These relationships today bless and enrich her life, and she no longer wishes that Mike and Carol Brady had been her parents. Martha Londagin is a small business banker with Legacy National Bank. She is a Siloam Springs High School graduate, and a licensed attorney in Arkansas and Oklahoma. Martha’s family has lived in Washington and Benton Counties, Arkansas for over 160 years. She is a former public school educator and non-profit center business consultant. Martha has been married to her husband Doug for 30 years and they own a small business together. They have one child, Carter, who is the light of their lives. She holds a Secondary Education bachelor’s degree from the University of Arkansas and was a high school English and Communications teacher prior to graduating from the School of Law at the University of Arkansas where she earned her Juris Doctor. Martha serves at Genesis Church in South Fayetteville. She is an active volunteer with several Northwest Arkansas chambers of commerce. The passion of her life is supporting any person, cause, or group that brings joy and love to children and teens. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@paleobc65]

Love this, people always say the past doesn’t matter but it’s important to look at your past to assess present day damage

[@pedroares8773]

sorry to be offtopic but does anybody know a trick to get back into an instagram account?? I somehow forgot my password. I appreciate any tips you can give me.

[@briggsezra7783]

@Pedro Ares Instablaster ;)

[@JustnCase]

They say a lot!!! Actions speak louder than words 🖖🏼

[@Octaviamorris77]

This woman's life was almost identical to my life! I felt so alone in the world until this video. Thank you

[@Pravduh]

28 years old ACEs score is 10/10. God, please continue to heal my mind and body.

[@hughmoore786]

I see people abuse one another in unspeakable ways . . . but can do nothing to stop it or . . . What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn . - Henry David Thoreau -

[@autumngrace8541]

I think that violence toward any family member, Mother, Father, sibling, etc is an ACE. Not just violence toward mother.

[@dalibofurnell]

Wow this is an absolutely incredible testimony

[@valeriestewart786]

Negative things do not define us....I saw Tom Petty Live...RIP Tom...You are inspiring...May God Bless...you Joyful Soul...

[@veronicachristopher9321]

Thanks for bringing this to life. I'm an ACE child with a score of 9. Not many people understand why I am how I am. As for parental abuse, I witnessed an abused father not mother. It encouraged me not to trust women as I see them as bullies. I'm more comfortable in the presence of men. My entire life, especially being attractive, has been women constantly trying to take me down. Men, however, lift me up ✌

[@davidtichborne2912]

A father being abused still counts and so does a sibling even roommate because your still being exsposed to the violence and another way abuse can mess someone up is seeing others do it can make that person think it is ok to do it as well and then likely to do it to I had about a 9 or 10 as well on the aces test and yes my mom was physically and mentally abused by my dad a few times but my mom had also abused him and my sibling was also abused and so was our dog witch was probably even worse to be honest the test is missing a whole load of things my dr even mentioned that even if it was just verbal domestic violence that they witnessed she thinks it still does count there's so many childhood traumas that are missing in this

[@kenyattathompson6685]

Same here bro My mom was a very sneaky woman and I would see her do stuff to the men in her life including me... in my mind I’d the woman who had me treated me this way The rest will be worse

[@madisonx]

Bad abusive women should be held accountable for their actions. I have witnessed an abusive woman and she ironically would try to blame her abusive parents for her behavior. It's so baffling to meet someone so unaware of their actions and how they're bad because they were treated badly. Some take accountability for themselves and get mental health care so they don't put that onto others.

[@esriettescoachinghub2351]

I don't agree with the term, living in the past. You have to come to term with unpleasant things from your past to move forward. Dealing and remembering it, help to clarify your next move in the healing process. Denial of trauma leads to serious illness and depression. This is a wonderful story of healing and kindness, lifting others in the process. God bless you!! 💯 ‼️ ❤️ 😍

[@colleenreed540]

10/10 first gen college student studying psych here. Thank you for your story; I related a lot.

[@galacticgirl2286]

Wow! This brought tears of joy! Thank you

[@RozeLight]

I'm autstic (Asperger's), so I often looked unhappy because of emotional delay, but I do feel joy, I just don't facily espress it. So as a way to cope with my emotional delay, I decided to see my emotions through drawings and writing digital stories

[@anniec81]

My husband does not have any condition that I know of, but he doesn't like to laugh out loud very much. When I ask him why he isn't laughing out loud, he will respond that he is "laughing on the inside" My point is, it's OK to not be outwardly expressive. Not everyone is You know something I absolutely love about your comment is that you changed your perspective, found what you can control, & made progress towards a more fulfilling & enjoyable life That's incredibly awesome👌

[@AdrianPantonial]

I was in tears watching your wonderfully inspiring talk. Your past mess became your current and life-changing message. Thank you so much for your faith in action and the inspiration of your life. Mabuhay from the Philippines! :D

[@gma904]

And this is why we go through adversity.

[@positvgal8]

You inspiring lady!..well done👏👏❤

[@Flufyduck67]

This is a beautiful talk. It resonated so strongly with my own past and my trying to move forward with happiness. Thank you for giving me further inspiration and ideas on how to. I too cannot blame my mother for her trauma, I feel for her. I was in a good place with her when she died. But now, it is recent trauma that I am dealing with that I have allowed to hold me back. Time to stop. Life is short, and time is precious. Thank you.

[@STWBird]

9/10 ACEs here. Thank you! Thank you for such an inspiring talk!!! Praise Jesus!! We are all beautiful! We are worthy. We are loved!!

[@kenyattathompson6685]

8/10 on Aces SMH 41 just realizing the level of abuse I survived

[@RayneQ]

This made me feel like we're all in this together ♡

[@mariabarbieri909]

Very inspirational speaker !

[@messiahswww]

This really spoke to my heart. How brave of you to share your story.

[@OfficialMyxomatosis]

You have given me a new way to look at myself. I have never seen the ACE list; what you posted made me sick to my stomach. I've had decades of therapy on and off, but apparently not the right kind! As menopause starts, a lot of things are coming up, childhood specific too. I will try to be more compassionate towards myself and understand that "these things are not going to go away."

[@Refreshing_Words]

Excellent! My life has many parallels. So grateful for discovering the joy in my crazy, painful, messy life. All the pieces are me. 😍

[@ACEsMatter]

This was inspiring. Sincerely, Another 10/10

[@sonyaberkenpas5071]

Not sure how this Ted talk doesn’t have more views…we could all learn to live with “tragedies full of joy” a little more.

[@marybrantly581]

childhood trauma is a bear to tackle, a journey. Every trigger in my life is about that trauma. Loved your talk, it resonates, just as the renowned Gabor Mate. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@meghanstandish7236]

Amazing talk! Truly amazing! Brought me to tears towards the end. So cool how she now helps other people in the similar situation.

[@rebeccahutchings1520]

Thanks, I really needed to hear about someone else's story for a change. There's some kind of bolt on making permanent friends.

[@reg8297]

I think it's quiet a miracle your life turned out so well most wouldn't have that to tell if there experiencies were very abusive and traumatic as mine was

[@veronicataylor9568]

The power of embracing what was and living with heart in the present! Powerful1

[@purplepixi18]

She starts telling the ACES and I thought she was gonna say my parents names. Omg

[@NICOLE19842911]

What a phenomenal story. Wow! You made it well. Congratulations. You’ve done something ..... gosh u explainable!. And reached success and success again with all of everyone and everything. I wish you al the best! Keep it up! Xoxo maybe 1 day... me too. I hope.

[@be83]

Thanks so much!!!

[@jillcassill8743]

that was so powerful from the perspective of the child and the perspective of the parent as well. thank you..

[@PimpMatt0]

I got 9/10 on the ACE score. I'm 25 and the trauma still continues. It's reduced but still continues. With each year that comes by I contemplate suicide.

[@brendaestrada1782]

same here but im 36 :////

[@Amypond1234]

Explicit Tech don’t give in to the pain. You are loved. You are worthy. ❤️❤️I promise it was not your fault. Seek out EMDR therapy.

[@1LaOriental]

Psychedelic therapy for childhood trauma/PTSD

[@karenbonham1359]

Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary situation.

[@Riverdeepnwide]

Explicit Tech hoping you're doing okay. At 66 now the thoughts of self harm are many years gone. Your life can turn out very well, please make a strong grasp to the good things of life until you find one day that you can truly relax into joy and know that you've won your personal battle.

[@KasiaZosia04723]

Amazing lady. Respect.🌷

[@Samantha11Rose]

Omg this made me cry. You need to trust.

[@faustorment]

Thanks for sharing your life and learnings, Girl.

[@TheeKaylaMarieOne]

9/10. My mother was the violent person. 10/10.

[@user-vl4pv3wl1b]

Wow!!!! Thank you!!!

[@emily1486]

Thank you ❤️

[@34562_]

Thank you.

[@petesanchez4090]

Thanks to my team who got

[@binadam9459]

excellent talk

[@imbatman4665]

Ok ahmed

[@marleywilson2807]

Beautifully told, I wonder if your grandparents loved god also, seems like his hand was on you your whole life! You didn't go down the path of your mum, and I wonder what her story was to why she made her choices...thankyou for telling your story with a lovely lense in the end.. Powerful xxx

[@Amypond1234]

I’m a 10 as well

[@ejchristopher7369]

There sure are a lot of comments about this being a "religious sermon". Whatever people's definition of that is, I find it interesting that I've never seen comments on any TedTalk, etc. that complains about Buddhists or Hindus showcasing their meditations or views as a way to help people or as part of sharing their personal and subjective stories to healing. If one cannot derive wisdom from another's experiences on account of or in lieu of their personal spiritual or religious convictions or lack thereof, then he/she is not really suitable for this type of platform or any serious intellectual discourse.

[@ic2063]

Religion aids us in our personal journey. Religion, like science, is a search for truth. I find it interesting how intellectuals bash anything that is not concrete and appears in studies. Perhaps they know nothing of the hang ups with Buddhism and Hindu religions because their curiosity has not taken them there. The reason there are so many religions is because there are so many ways to search for the truth. You’re right, some respect for ALL religions might be the decent thing to do. The Speaker appears to do more good than harm with her wisdom gleaned from her beliefs.

[@autumngrace8541]

Buddhists and Hindus don't force their beliefs down your throat with religious abuse and tell you are less than because you don't believe same way....Also, what family members do you think told others about her mother being incarcerated in the first place....Well, I have a good guess.

[@TokioTE]

This is the best comment

[@TokioTE]

@@autumngrace8541 How would you know? Did you grow up in a traditional Buddhist _and_ Hindu community?

[@yusefmohamed7492]

I thought it was interesting .. typical of a lot of how our lives may start out.. being a bit older 59 and from England I spent time on many care homes and foster homes too.. we never called our issues aces as we never knew that’s what they were back then. No I’m hoping to foster so am aware and was shocked how many I had too. That said I became a success as inside I was always a good person but born into tough situations. The message I think though is you start have to stay in bad situations if you try hard to be better than what you were shown.. use those negatives to be positive. Don’t get me wrong o have faced many situations too as a grown up like we all do with desperation’s illness etc etc. I wish everyone the best and hope you can look forward positively even in this new world we now find ourselves in.

[@niccolea2086]

Weird but her life seemed like a cup of tea to me.

[@lyndiablack9098]

I thought I was the only one that felt that way.

[@lolibudang5085]

10/10 myself, but very sad that I'm responsible for what my children are going through.

[@erikweston209]

Shero!

[@tshtika]

No more cigarettes, no more Shame, no more sugar

[@MelodeathxTed]

9/10.

[@kiraanastasiaandersen1145]

Im a blonde girl riddled with Ace points, who is in law school dating a sweet quite farmers boy. I had 18 addresses before i turned 18. Wow

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

💚

[@dawnanderson611]

my partner and i both got 10 but I could have gotten 12

[@davidtichborne2912]

Other 2 being bullied at school and a parent also having a medical problem as well as a mental illness

[@kenyattathompson6685]

What’s the other 2

[@dawnanderson611]

Both my parent went to jail and more then one beat my mom also bullied

[@Lea151Morgan]

Here's another perfect 10.. :(

[@SC-vb2ui]

Admire You ⛲🙏 a 💝 to World ⛲💓

[@sarahmurphy1951]

No mention of the death of a parent??

[@DangerAmbrose]

You lost me with the invisible space wizard love. SMH

[@annetteprice]

I suspect spiritual bypassing here. Especially with a 10/10 score. Hope I’m wrong, for her sake.

[@annetteprice]

Can be connectors to joy. How? This talk doesn’t deliver, it was so vague. “I got therapy, did group therapy and turned myself over to god.” That’s not really revelatory, sorry. And honestly the religious stuff is a huge turnoff for those of us raised in abusive but religious homes. This video just left me confused and annoyed for having wasted almost 20 minutes on it.

[@ange8549]

Very lucky to be white, goodlooking, average iq (no alcool abuse during pregnancy) and have nice grandparents

[@yashpermalla3494]

How am I first comment, 8th like, and 171th viewer of a video on a channel with 10 million subs?

[@rynnierynnierynnie489]

Until you said something about religion i was very interested..

[@felixricarte8660]

Rynnie Rynnierynnie she didn’t speak religious. She was speaking about group theory that helped her and so she seek the Lord. You can seek whatever you like, she was just telling you what helped her. She not once pushed the Lord on anyone. She was sharing her experience and what helped her find JOY. So you seek your group therapy and I pray it works for you. Just seek tho.

[@hughmoore786]

To me she is saying . . . This is not America . . . Only a shadow of what this country used to be ! ! !

[@GrannySanny]

It was before Roe V Wade-you probably would not be here.

[@lyndiablack9098]

Birth control pills were available in 1966.

[@Manchessollte421]

didn't know ted talks were allowed to be religious sermons.

[@torreygreen6794]

What sermon did she preach? What scriptures did she use? What holy book did she quote?

[@imbatman4665]

@@torreygreen6794 Watch the video

[@kenyattathompson6685]

Dark comment

[@tilliunique]

Sermon? Simply expressing her story isn't a sermon. It's her experience. And no, I'm not religious before you start assuming that, too. Different paths for different people. Hearing other's stories helps us to gather ideas about what may be of help on our own path. That's what I see as her whole intention of her talk. Clearly she's in a good place with her life and seemed to be offering to do the talk out of generosity as opposed to preaching or garnering therapeutic benefits.

[@marcosdominguez1234]

Okay, another lady using Ted Talks as her own therapy to tell the world about her traumas. Good for her, but I didn't learn how to turn ACEs into joy

[@waynemizer4912]

Too many holes in this rich narcissist's story for me.