Advice on Giving Advice

[@01brid]

You have very good advice … it’s helping me. Thank you. Bríd from Ireland

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I'm glad you find my video helpful. So, thanks for letting me know. If you are interested in learning more about my work, you can subscribe to my KZbin channel and also to my newsletter ( bit.ly/2OyyNGS ) BTW, I've never been to Ireland but look forward to going one day :)

[@plexi9043]

Thanks a lot for this video! It's often way too easy to lose sight of these little differences when it's actually happening, but consciously differentiating it helps a lot :)

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I’m really glad you find it helpful :)

[@_munkykok_]

Very meta 😋👍💜

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

Glad you like it :)

[@23Skeetoo]

There seems to be a major gender-based difference on this issue, for whatever reason. As a male, I like emotional support, but when I speak of a problem, I want first and foremost to hear what to do about it. Women apparently are looking for words of reassurance first and foremost; one woman on social media even complained about "mansplaining" advice to her when she spoke of a problem and got a suggestion rather than emotional burden-sharing.

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

From my perspective, the difference lies less in the gender of the person than in what is motivating them to address an issue. When someone is venting, they often are not looking for a solution. In fact, they may know the solution or have some good ideas about how to solve their problem. But the current difficulty is their level of distress -- and the "solution" for that is often to feel listened to and supported. The trick is to know whether the problem is the content of what they are addressing or their feelings about it. "Mansplaining" is what happens when a bid for support is answered with concrete advice. So it is extremely helpful when the person bringing up the problem states outright when they are looking for support -- especially in venues like social media where there are fewer clues.

[@ginacastell4581]

So true. I sometimes give advice when I should listen. I think it’s bc I often have a need to correct or fix things. Gotta be more careful!

[@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD]

I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. In fact, I think we all do this sometimes!