Science Fiction (2021) Short Story- Beware the warriors of Earth & Inertial Dampeners (HFY TFOS 825)

Original Story :
/ beware_the_warriors_of...
/ inertial_dampeners
Want to support Channel?
-----------------------------
Leaving a Tip : www.paypal.me/agrosquerril
Buying me a coffee : ko-fi.com/agrosquerrilnarrates
Becoming a Patreon : / agrosquerrils
MERCH Store : teespring.com/stores/asn-3
DogeCoin Wallet , for the lols : DSCMvyiAsuRSbWAU8v8WxcM8Z5ds2D4sqA
---------------------------
Thank you to Tier 4 and 5 Patreons and Channel Members:
Brenton Verlo
John Silva
H-Town
FallenAngel
BuzzKillington
Datamagnet
Bob the Dragon
Greetings Ladies and Mentlegents and welcome to my channel where I like to make LEGAL Audiobooks of various types from web novels and short stories. If you are new to the channel then click on the information icon for the entire playlist to help get you up to current faster.
This Oneshot was Taken from the HFY subreddit which hosts mostly Sci-Fi based short stories called oneshots and series.
As Always i hope you enjoy and can find some content on my channel you like. Feel free to recommend a series or a story and i will have a look into it.
{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:36 Beware the warriors of Earth by EchoingCascade
10:08 Inertial Dampeners by FreelancerAgentWash
#Hfy #Scifi #Reddit
Check Out the Podcasts!
-----------------------
PodBean Channel : agrosquerrilnarrates.podbean....
Spotify Channel : open.spotify.com/show/01Xntbf...
Itunes Channel :
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
----Socials----
Email : [e-mail]
Twitter : / agrosquerrils
Streamlabs : streamlabs.com/agrosquerrils
Discord : / discord
Instagram : Agro_Squerril_Narrates
Lbry : @AgroSquerrilNarrates
--------------
This Story is Classified as HFY , but what does the Mean?
-------------
HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture.
-------------
Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
This is also a Science Fiction story ,What is Science Fiction?
-------------
Science fiction (sometimes shortened o sci-fi or SF) is a genre of speculative fiction that typically deals with imaginative and futuristic concepts such as advanced science and technology, space exploration, time travel, parallel universes, and extraterrestrial life. It has been called the "literature of ideas", and often explores the potential consequences of scientific, social, and technological innovations.
Science fiction, whose roots go back to ancient times, is related to fantasy, horror, and superhero fiction, and contains many subgenres. However its exact definition has long been disputed among authors, critics, and scholars.
-------------
Taken from Wikipedia

[@hojdoj3567]

the ultimate weapon: malicious compliance

[@AgroSquerril]

true

[@lqg4395]

Humans are just the physical Manifestation of malicious compliance. Earth says eat plants and animals and drink water to survive. Humans cut them up and burn them over for before eating them, then turn water into soda, tea, coffee, and energy drinks.

[@CT-1035]

And a FTL capable railgun

[@chrstfer2452]

Ultimate weapon, (poor) french pronounciation.

[@notbob8252]

Yeah this was pretty dumb of a story

[@Resomius]

"If you ever see a human Lawyer then run. If a human Lawyer sees you: run faster. If you see a human running then he is running from a lawyer. try to keep pace."

[@alexanderzhmurov9624]

Vert underrated, thanks

[@ballsacsincorp]

better call saul

[@crimsondragon1259]

Nice refrence. I know that one

[@robertschumacher2707]

@@crimsondragon1259 Ever heard the one that goes- Q:Why don't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy.

[@ravenouself4181]

Note: You might be a pace in front of the Human, but eventually, The Human will catch-up.

[@zyanidwarfare5634]

I like how the alien general just casually enjoyed the situation while the ambassador had a aneurysm

[@robertalexander5892]

Same here. He was probably happy to see her smug ass taken down a peg or three.

[@vaporwave9996]

"Wow, this negotiator that doubles as my boss is afraid of this human, I dont think I'll step in 😈"

[@markfergerson2145]

That was my favorite part as well. It's been said that warfare is the result of the failure of diplomacy. Diplomacy itself used as a weapon is something the warlord clearly appreciated.

[@alexistaylor969]

Everyone loves seeing a stuffy bureaucrat get their own rules and regulations and other redtape bullshit get shoved down their throat, or up their ass in this case since she got royally fucked, I assume this would be the case with other sentient life forms across the universe, especially with the general being military and most likely from a Deathworld himself. He just watched the underestimated humans put her in between a rock and a hard place and then when she, like a coward, ordered him to attack unarmed civilians, she ranted like a Karen and the humans got their military might and technology uplifted by easily 800 years. I say that because we are still 800 years from common planetary travel and nowhere near interstellar travel.

[@Hellsong89]

Who does not enjoy politicians pain and suffering regardless if its your own or enemys? They are manifestation of evil, the paragon of parasites and their pain is the enjoyment of the rest of us.

[@sitirabihahmaisarahreni4278]

Lawyers are definitely terrifying. Us humans are good with loopholes.

[@colinsmith1495]

The reality is that humans are specialists in manipulating systems. Within the generalist population of humans, there are a few career paths and training systems that focus explicitly on this. Among them, those that I know of are Engineer (specializing in understanding and manipulating the natural systems of the universe) and lawyers (specializing in manipulating the legal/logical/linguistic systems of civilization). To be clear, I say this to say: fear ALL humans. The lawyers are just their specialists in the field.

[@Lord_Lasagña]

Ah yes... Lawyers. The most dangerous and scariest job of all times... *Hides behind The Algorithm in fear*

[@lordoofingtonxxiv6174]

I am right with you man

[@seanrobert9661]

Yea

[@canedy999]

the best invasion of earth story yet. the pen truly is mightier than the sword.

[@AgroSquerril]

lawyers are scary things

[@steveradroach9101]

Also a freaking Funny "invasion"😅

[@VadulTharys]

reminds me of this sci fi short. kzbin.info/www/bejne/qKebnIKwh79-bsk

[@catayloprince4772]

There's videogame dialogue that goes like this... "Pens do not do battle, nor swords poetry. Mighty is the hand that knows when to pick up the pen, or pick up the sword."

[@canedy999]

@@catayloprince4772 that's the best version of this I've ever heard thanks, I'm gonna use that. Also, john wick would disagree about pens not being able to due battle but I'm not sure that counts.

[@milohobo9186]

Holy. Freaking. Cow. Humans beating aliens is a common enough trope. Human lawyers out lawyering aliens was quite an interesting read!

[@MrShamus22]

Real Hitchhikers Guide vibes right here

[@TERMINATOR-rp5xj]

Even in space, lawyers are still one of the scariest forces

[@AgroSquerril]

yup

[@9LiveEmpire]

"what the point in going to space if you can't feel it?" that and knowing that you move, seeing that you move but not feeling anymovement would probably be really disturbing

[@micanikko]

You'd just get nauseous.

[@Mystickrage]

@@micanikko nah you would adjust and its nessessary, what happens if for ever reason you stop moving. at least after months of motion it completely stopping you would be like wtf is happening go check everything out.

[@Mystickrage]

we use our sense of feel as our 3rd primary sight smell feel. our smell is actually better then dogs we just dont train it or utilize it we can smell chemicalls with super low traces even dogs wont notice but we have to fully be aware of the smell and already trained to focus our sense which is hard but its usable.

[@quynlanvuorensyrja5484]

VR sickness. Not fun

[@robertalexander5892]

In my opinion, it is a damn good & valid point.

[@getonthelist5620]

Just when you think that there's nothing more satisfying than malicious compliance, you hear about somebody weaponising it in galactic warfare.

[@leu3368]

So you're telling me that the other species are the type of gamers that turn off controller vibrations and humans have them on

[@mannamoth918]

"End of story... story number 2" That sounded so pleasing

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@Jeff55369]

we're invading you! no you what?

[@AgroSquerril]

lol , yarp

[@guntotingnerd8830]

"We thought they were almost cute until they crashed our Flagship into their sun."

[@CannabisDreams]

Alien: arrives, hands down a set of laws. Human: looks at laws, says you fucked up here, here, here, here, double violation here, and you're double parked. Can you afford the fines son?

[@vadfarkas14]

Ah yes. Aliens really need to read up Rule #13. NEVER INVOLVE LAWYERS.

[@AgroSquerril]

yup

[@truegamer7245]

I honestly thought that they put the Dampeners on their weapons, so that their ships don't go flying into the void when they fire an entire broadside of Cannons.

[@TronTuborg]

Just fire the other side to compensate.

[@theunlikelyhero123meh3]

@@TronTuborg yeah you know what screw our allies

[@TronTuborg]

@@theunlikelyhero123meh3 Well if our allies haven't figured out this thing called 'spacing' quite yet it will be good practice!

[@burnttoast5372]

@@TronTuborg but your shots will keep going without stopping, so if you need more ships than you can fit right in front spacing won't work that well

[@Firesgone]

I thought we would overdo it and make the whole ship move, twist, stop and turn with a load of small high efficiency thrusters instead. Would make ion engines more viable if the whole ship moved without inertia! And crazy fast!

[@rockspoon6528]

Humanity: *"We pulled a little sneaky on ya."*

[@PhillyCh3zSt3ak]

These are the types of stories I love, humorous and befuddles xenos.

[@AgroSquerril]

they are scattered about

[@NoBody-bx4cp]

Aha... *Beurocratic Bullshit.*

[@AgroSquerril]

enough to scare anyone

[@leu3368]

Your politics bore me human

[@jesseamaya4413]

Am I the only one to see the extreme humor in youtube's offer to translate "Beurocratic Bullshit" into English? Good luck with that.

[@br2nd]

on story 2 well humans have roller coasters so yeah we wanna have fun

[@tonyoliver4920]

45 m/s/s is barely 5G. An F1 car can accelerate to 200 mph in about 3 seconds (0-100 in 2 seconds, then 200 in another second) That’s 29.8 m/s/s

[@GSX455s]

You might mean drag car? F1 doesn't accelerate quite that fast

[@tonyoliver4920]

@@GSX455s I’ve reached I believe that kph not mph. My bad

[@danzydan2479]

Top Fuel drag car. 0-100Kph in 0.6 seconds. 4-5G's.

[@hollyferay8131]

My favorite invasion piece. Lawyers our contribution to the universe.

[@alexanderzhmurov9624]

_Oh Gods! Oh merciful nonexistent gods!_

[@pigpen3428]

as a francophone, when i heard 5:25 i was surprised to see any french in text let alone on your channel! Good job trying to read it! it’s pretty hard! here’s the translation; General, me? .. when men live of love it will be peace on earth the soldiers will be troubadour but we’ll be dead, brother.

[@Kualinar]

From Hymne à l'amour, Édith Piaf. She was one of the greatest, and probably the greatest of her time.

[@lesfreresdelaquote1176]

@@KualinarPas vraiment, c'est une chanson de Raymond Lévesque, certainement un des plus grand chanteur Québécois de tous les temps. La chanson a été écrite dans les années 50 et a été chantée par nombre de chanteurs différents. La prononciation du français donne l'impression d'une voix synthétique entrainée pour l'anglais et appliquée au français. C'est totalement incompréhensible.

[@properfunny]

In that second story I agree if I am going to space I darn well want to feel it. Plus that is some good intel, none of these aliens can handle much, so if we where to hack their dampeners a small adjustment will give us a non lethal way to fight them.

[@alexanderzhmurov9624]

🤔🤨 _"non-lethal"_ he says... 😧😱

[@allen5253]

@@alexanderzhmurov9624 non-lethal to us or should I say any captured humans on those alien ship. Lol

[@christhiancosta1844]

First history is what happens when the leaders of Earth are bards

[@samueltrusik3251]

Nothing is more terrifying than an unarmed human, apperantely

[@AgroSquerril]

it would seem so

[@wrigthtalekenavi2066]

'when The Doctor enters the battlefield, his allies sees that he is unarmed. that is the last thing his enermies sees. '

[@hollyferay8131]

Humans do love to go fast and feel the power in a vehicle.

[@AgroSquerril]

zoooooooooom

[@mill2712]

For all those not in the know. 20m/s² is 2.04Gs of force 45m/s² is 4.59Gs of force 90m/s² is 9.17Gs of force

[@101_skeleton6]

Thanks for the info!

[@calvingreene90]

Wait till we put an alien on a rollercoaster. (Laughs maniacally)

[@callumduckworth7490]

We like the zoom zoom what can we say

[@AgroSquerril]

we are speed

[@RatRatRattyRatRat]

There is a reason hell for humans is described as bureaucracy half the time. We're too good at it.

[@kennethhummel4409]

Always fear the lawyers!

[@AgroSquerril]

yup

[@gman1515]

For some context: The most acceleration force you will feel during normal operation of a street legal vehicle is about 5m/s/s, usually far less. Gravity's acceleration force (or 1G) is 9.8m/s/s A roller coaster will usually do about 4 Gs max for a few seconds at a time tho some do as much as 5 or 6 Gs. Fighter jets can pull of turns that will easily knock their pilots because the blood is to heavy to pump to their heads, That limit for trained pilots is around 8-10 Gs with the help of special suits. All this to say that the humans in this story are being pretty irresponsible with their passenger and cargo ships, and pushing themselves to their absolute limits.

[@Otgel]

Lol well, they did say that 40 is on the high side, and they usually use half that, at 2g, or 20m/s/s

[@gman1515]

The 45 was only the high side for the passengers. The pilots were allowing themselves the full 9-10 G. I can't imagine that pushing yourself to the edge of consciousness while doing high acceleration maneuvers on a passenger craft is particularly safe.

[@FreelancerWashington]

@@gman1515 I wrote that with the idea that the alien not knowing that those accelerations were at the extreme and only for a few seconds.

[@gman1515]

@@FreelancerWashington that's fair and all but I stand by my original statement of the humans in the story being irresponsible. Imagine the backlash there would be if a passenger airliner started behaving like a rollercoaster at the beginning and end of every flight, or if there was a significant risk of the pilot going unconscious during every takeoff and landing because of how they choose to set up their cockpit. If they were only talking about military craft and not the civilian passenger and cargo craft then that would be one thing, but it was specified that the pilots on those ships were also sometimes setting thier ships up that way too.

[@arcadiomushi1955]

I think the billionare was elon musk

[@AgroSquerril]

possibly

[@genildomiranda1690]

They should have run when the lawyer came into the room, little do they know they are the most dangerous of all the humans

[@AgroSquerril]

lol yup

[@GasDrinker6455B]

why do i feel like humans are just the equivalent of that one guy who will put a damn LS3 in a beat up PT cruiser

[@inventiveowl395]

Since you used a human for the comparison, yes. Humans are in fact humans. SeemsGood

[@GasDrinker6455B]

@@inventiveowl395 yeah... what the hell was I on?

[@crowsenpai5625]

2nd Story Aliens “those types of forces would KILL someone like me!” Humans “hehe, ship go ‘Nyoom’”

[@AgroSquerril]

ayup

[@dementededge3266]

For the loopholes!

[@bobsterclause342]

Whats the point of being blasted i to space against gravity with controlled explosions if you cant feel it?

[@AgroSquerril]

no g's = no fun

[@AmbroseBoaBowie]

I don’t know, that feels like a big bluff to play off of hoping an alien species you just met would keep to their word when you have no idea what they are like

[@nicholashernandez4611]

Reading their full history and their interactions with other species, the interstellar politics of the galaxy, and maybe even the intel from other species and how they saw the invaders, I’d imagine they have a REALLY good bead on who they are inside and out. I mean, it’s not like someone would actually READ all that and look for loopholes…right??!?

[@jameson1239]

They got access to there equivalent of the internet and read all about them

[@inventiveowl395]

Ah yes. Research. The old non-existent, forgotten, archaic technique never used on the internet.

[@devinbrynjulson4052]

Damn alien ambassador should have looked up R/lawyers first.

[@alexisjuarez9858]

The most dangerous weapon in the human Arsenal. Lawyers & bureaucrats

[@kingcrafteroderderfahradtu7331]

How did the species in the second story survive plane flights without the damperners?

[@Yistern]

Second story: [Danger Zone increases in volume]

[@garysprandel1817]

A very nice Douglas Adams vibe to that first story

[@peekiepeeks5099]

Canadians when they start a war

[@robertosborn9910]

I feel like the first story was "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" meets HFY.

[@rainbowchaser73]

gotta go fast! zoom zoom

[@AgroSquerril]

i am speed , whoooooosh

[@DonPatrono]

Aliens: Noooo you can't just reduce the inertia dampeners while spacefaring Humans: hehe starship goes WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

For the Squerril

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For Argo for the algorithm

[@thewarriorcat3271]

No one mentioning the 'eccentric billionare' who built an embasy as a joke

[@danzydan2479]

1st story I just pissed myself with laughter. Thank you.

[@pepsiback9110]

As a french that was hilarious

[@squa_81]

5:55 i think I have never heard someone butcher French so hard before. I could say it’s awful but at this point it’s straight up impressive ! (I am speaking as a French person who could’nt understand a word of what you were saying) Great content otherwise! Thank you for making my life better by making me dream

[@Monster_Ink]

For the algorithm & for the "soldiers of fortune"! XD

[@vincentvalashu]

What happens when the Terrains try to explain rollercoasters to off worlders

[@voodoovince8001]

Many would be terrified of humans as one of the ways we have fun is accelerating ourselves to experience higher Gs

[@iconofthicc6086]

For the Algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@jimmycoyote74]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@adamglover6948]

For the algorithm

[@ravenouself4181]

And that's why the Bard is the single scariers DnD class.

[@cluelesscoffee4236]

The scariest thing on earth LAWYERS

[@KroMagnum4]

Excellent!

[@mrmastaofdesasta6994]

Why go fast if you can't feel the zoom-zoom?

[@DezXereanas]

Lmao, bet of luck getting the entire Earth to demilitarize

[@engrinis6344]

im french and my ears exploded, but still A for effort

[@tabitharatchford7404]

Intergalactic roller coasters!

[@AgroSquerril]

weeeeeEEEEeeeEEEeee

[@mivapusa]

The pen is surpassed in killing power only by the bayonet

[@theangrygermanlad1328]

Freelancer agent wash? Seems ive found another Red Vs Blue fan!

[@russellperry9902]

In case your wondering I was robbed . Everything of value stolen from my house\ apartment. My tablet and phones.Tv and microwave, anything and everything of value. Including my book of all my passwords. So... New phone. New account. New start . Same commitment. I'm thankful to the patrons that support you. I'm poor and can't afford to support like they can but I can thank them for throwing down the support I wish I could . Thank you patrons for supporting out narrator.

[@AgroSquerril]

Not good , hope things get better for you

[@kingcrafteroderderfahradtu7331]

The first one sounds like a humans are space dwarfs story

[@josephdalziel1733]

For The Horde . . . I mean Algorithm

[@bobsterclause342]

For the swarm

[@seanrobert9661]

For the horde

[@davea4245]

Win or lose, the lawyer always get paid. Fun Fact; there are only 2 lawyer jokes! The rest are true stories.

[@syrathdouglas1244]

I’d rather be on a ship where I don’t feel like the building sized craft is moving. I get motion sickness easy enough as is. Some viewports would be nice though.

[@stevenswitzer5154]

Nobody will ever put you in space before the dampeners and artificial gravity. So dont worry. Floating puke is dangerous

[@adamshattuck1985]

i was like that doesnt sound like alot so i looked it up. 45m/s/s is around 100 mph or 162 km/h. its fast but as long as your not manuevering it aint bad considering the g's and speed fighter pilot put-this is equivalent to a normal roller coaster ride.

[@Thegamer-fh9ic]

Drag racing space ship

[@AgroSquerril]

yarp

[@GasDrinker6455B]

humans: I AM SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

[@AgroSquerril]

zoOoOoOm

[@merlinathrawes746]

And that is the problem with slaves and slave armies. You never know when they will turn on you. We feel the need, the need for speed.

[@ironworksdragon6843]

Bob the dragon

[@TheMonk72]

Why? Because "yeehaw!" That's why.

[@bobbobson4607]

90m/s/s is just under 10 G's, that's a little high just for kicks.

[@clintcarpentier2424]

A nice comment.

[@Hellsong89]

So Initial dampeners are like ESP in cars. Can be useful and life saving for certain, but sucks all the feeling and fun out of the vehicles and process of driving and should have mandatory button to disable it. Dear god how people survive these days if they were forced to actually drive cars them selfs with out computer doing the work.. none of them knows how to actually drive and when computer goes to tilt, the few seconds you have to react and correct is not enough to learn to drive.

[@arakheno4051]

FTA

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@zachelkins1229]

For The Algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@notbob8252]

The story was like sugar dipped and cotton candy Wait too sweet for my taste and totally ridiculous Well it's completely unhealthy

[@HeilTec]

LOL

[@tonywhite9873]

Loopholes.

[@AgroSquerril]

hula hoops are filled with them

[@johnnyrotten3175]

4 D algorithm 4 D 🐿️ ❗ ❗

[@jonathanhidayat877]

"In front of the Terran embassy, built by an eccentric billionaire obsessed with space exploration years ago" Elon ?

[@AgroSquerril]

mehbe

[@dpec5115]

For the Algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@reasonablehiccups4792]

For the algorithm

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@jorgecarreras4214]

Gravty on Earth is 32 m//s/s, so 45 is a littler over 2g, and 90 is a little under 3g. For a fit human adult, that's not too bad.

[@DeathsHood]

I thought acceleration due to gravity was 9.8m/s/s? Where does 32 come from?

[@Firesgone]

@@DeathsHood He meant ft/s/s which is just unusual 🤔 A meter is 3.2 feet for reference 45 m/s/s is 4.6 Gs Edit: 90 m/s/s is 9.2 Gs Doable, but only with training and specialized suits and may still incapacitate the pilot.

[@stevenswitzer5154]

I could be very wrong but I think 40% of fit adult men pass out around 4.8 Gs and then you hit some asymptotic action...

[@sherylcascadden4988]

Sorry, Jorge, 32 FEET per second, not meters.

[@FLMKane]

​@@stevenswitzer5154 not really that simple. Depends on duration of force application

[@augustusetmagnus8362]

The french was butchered so hard lmao

[@RaiHyuugaRoxas]

I'm not from France but I know that feeling of people butchering one's native language! So much weird German pronunciation from Anime or Games! So I know that pain!

[@vixshire3672]

Care to translate the word that we’re “sung”

[@bogustoast22none25]

Eh it’s ok

[@augustusetmagnus8362]

@@vixshire3672 it says "When men live through love there will be peace in earth. The soldiers will become troubadours, but we will be dead my brother."

[@augustusetmagnus8362]

*on, I cannot type

[@GhostBear3067]

You foolishly foolish fool, you have brought soldiers to a lawyer fight!

[@draconusspiritus1037]

Where's the fun of going fast if you cannot feel like you're going fast? Drag races would be boring AF.

[@alexs5814]

F. T. L.

[@animgreppi]

dude, never try to speak french again, this mage General Napoleon turn in his grave...

[@Felix.Fictus]

i like your voice but your trying so hard to keep it up that you cant seem to use inflection.

[@merlinwizard1000]

234th, 7 December 2023

[@koroplays3200]

That first one was just kinda.. dumb.

[@andrewtheskyshooter]

That was the most appalling attempt at French I have ever had the displeasure of hearing...you´re a great narrator but ffs if you cant speak a language then don't.