Alexithymia // What it's like to not know how you feel

Alexithymia describes an inability to recognise or name your own emotions. Coming from the Greek to mean literally "no words for emotions", alexithymia is strongly related to autism (it is estimated over half of autistic people also have alexithymia)
Being in touch with your own emotions is vital to building friendships and relationships. I believe a lot of the social aspects I struggle with due to autism can be partly attributed to alexithymia as well.
Here's the test I took, interested to see how other people do, so let me know in the comments down below:
www.alexithymia.us/alexithymi...
For further thoughts on the subject: theaspergian.com/2019/05/13/a...
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[@YoSamdySam]

How do you score on the test? I got 124

[@tris5602]

True story: I had an anxiety attack after my husband proposed to me. I literally had to sit alone in our room for about twenty minutes to sift through what was wrong. It took me that long to realize that I wasn't anxious or upset at all, but experiencing such a high level of excitement and happiness that it felt similar to a panic attack. I'm extremely fortunate to have a partner who loves and accepts me.

[@briehoward2006]

I got 149, and I always respond with "I'm tired" too. Often, as others have said, I feel "blank." Sometimes I respond with "I feel... nothing? Why would I feel something right now? Should I?"

[@BrixiDieHexe]

Ok, so my mom died a while back, and a couple weeks later I'm having breakfast with my husband at a diner. I just started crying, and when I started talking to my husband, all I could tell him is how I almost feel nothing at all. In the meantime, my whole body was sad. It's like my body understood the emotion, but my brain was numb to it. Really weird.

[@hel.8161]

I scored 152. I actually do enjoy talking about feelings, but it is rather in a dissecting way as if I were an alien, trying to understand humans. I work quite consistently on trying to find out what I feel through various ways. But I annoy others, because I keep using them to find out how I feel through talking.

[@stephendavis7112]

"Which apparently is not how other people live their lives" WHAT?!

[@harrypehkonen]

After twenty years of marriage, not knowing how good of a match my wife and I are, I have come to realize I just didn't know how to deal with my emotions when my wife was mad at me. We talked about it, and agreed to not get mad at each other -- instead, just

[@ausomebeak]

Score of 149. I am either "fine" or I ramble on for hours trying to nail down what I think and feel about something. And sometimes come to a final answer. Usually I don't!

[@shelbycarr4682]

Yep, that "how are you?" used to trip me up all the time bc it would make me pause and momentarily short circuit. "How am I?....I have no idea, I'd have to think about it." and then I remember they really don't care so after a pregnant pause it's "I'm fine." or the "How's it going?" my now immediate response is "It's going" lol bc it would take me too long and derail me from the moment to have to sit back and think of an actual truthful response and ppl don't care anyways.

[@okhai3991]

I score 154. I don’t even know how I feel about that lol

[@Seal0626]

113. But I couldn't really answer all the questions, because a lot of them were about situations I don't really encounter.

[@schwarzeseis4031]

"How are you?"

[@eeeeeehhhhhhhh]

I have an emotion that is literally "meh".

[@PleiadianSister]

While doing the test I realize I “know” what to say when asked about my emotions because it’s one of my scripts from masking. I always answer good, to “how are you” because any other answer only perpetuates more questions about feelings which I try to avoid.

[@abigailgarcia1019]

I think I finally discovered why my marriage fell apart and why I don’t have close relationships. I don’t vocalize my feelings. It takes a whole lot of effort to express anything. I’ve grown up with depression, which makes sense why I could, or probably do have alexithymia. Thank you for sharing your experience!

[@sepiaraven]

I had no idea this was a thing. Years ago I had CBT and my therapist would ask me how I was feeling. I'd answer, and every time, she'd say "those are thoughts, not feelings". I couldn't name the feelings until she showed me that emotions wheel. It was helpful to see examples written down.

[@HeliNoir]

I've never heard of Alexithymia before so when you said you took a test, I paused your video and took the test. I got 127.

[@Maerahn]

Sam: "My heart beats fast and gets excited, so I know that's..."

[@jayawilder3835]

"My facial expressions don't always match the emotions that I have inside". So true. Today a close and sympathetic friend asked me if I was feeling down. I was feeling quite chirpy, or at least thought I was. Since I often don't know how I am feeling, I was taken aback, and wondered, "am I feeling down?" rather than asking "what makes you think I am feeling down, do I seem down?" Shoot, I'm confused now!

[@kattyryncyg]

This was so enlightening. I had no idea this was not how everyone thought about their emotions. I've been accused about not being in touch with my emotions, and I think, "I have spent time rationalizing them to death...how am I not in touch with them?!"