All The President's 2020 Challengers

[@TheDavidlloydjones]

Someone asked "Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?" Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England, wrote this magnificent response: "A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace - all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief. Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing - not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility - for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is - his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty. Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults - he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness. There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege. And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff - the Queensberry rules of basic decency - and he breaks them all. He punches downwards - which a gentleman should, would, could never do - and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless - and he kicks them when they are down. So the fact that a significant minority - perhaps a third - of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think 'Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that: * Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are. * You don't need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man. This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws - he would make a Trump. And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: 'My God… what… have… I… created? If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set."

[@uropygid]

I copied this wonderful comment, to use later as needed, with all due credit to Nate White. Thank you. We need England to come to our aid now in our time of need. If you and the rest of Europe do not help us now, we will not be here to help you when trump finishes selling our democracy to russia, china, and north korea. The leaders of Europe must stand in one voice to condemn trump and his republican worshipers of satan in hell.

[@mattdyer0]

That was amazing, thank you for this awesome comment.

[@uropygid]

@@lowcarbintheuk Alas, it appears the same sickness of stupidity is overtaking all Europe as well. Unlike Brexit, those who voted for trump knew what they wanted and got exactly what they voted for. Try to imagine something as evil and stupid as trump, times thirty million. That is our problem. Your point about dealing with our own problems is well taken. Thank you for your comment.

[@TheDavidlloydjones]

@@mattdyer0 Yeah, Matt I think maybe one of the things it teaches us is that people get to be successful comedians only by having a really good understanding of character. On both Trump's humorlessness and his bullying, this guy White obseves not just the obvious that we all see but also a couple of different aspects of each that might ot have occurred to us right away. I hope you and lots of other people will pass the piece on, or perhaps cut paragraphs out of it and use them with attribution. Understanding Trump is one of the challenges of our time. Cheers, -dlj.

[@angelicvixen]

Meanwhile, he is being dubbed Sir Donald Trump so this is quite a contradiction.

[@somethingclever4563]

Fox and Friends just showed us all why they don't do actual reporting. The first time they fired up the research department was for that?!

[@blixten2928]

The absolutely correct and needed comment!

[@james7178]

"Two pack" lmfao, not like that name has ever been heard before

[@divadoll606]

@@james7178 Yeah, soon as he said it, my response was, that's not his name, and I spelled it in my head exactly as you did.

[@Lowkeylie]

Funny how all of Trump’s policies seem to directly benefit Trump or make it harder for others to take an active, honest look into his affairs.

[@jessicaolson490]

Honestly, he just spent a year making steel more expensive and now the wall is going to made of steel instead of concrete. I'm just wondering how much stock he owns in steel and what ever companies are going to produce this fence he is so hard for. If he wanted a campaign hill to die on he should have picked "draining the swamp" because at least most Americans want corruption rooted out (but of course he just meant he wanted to fill it will his own sewage).

[@mayuthedemon33]

Yes he does

[@hazukichanx408]

It's almost as though he doesn't *really* have the country's best interests at heart... *or* the people's best interests! =O

[@mimim7026]

I'm repeatedly surprised how often his positions align with Putin's. Honestly. And to be fair, I'm not sure if it's because they directly conspire(-d), or if Trump just idolizes Putin and looks to him for what to do to cause maximum chaos.

[@mimim7026]

@@jessicaolson490 Yep, and that's exactly why presidents should divest before taking office--so people don't have to wonder.

[@celialovett5880]

I'd like to announce my little dog, Barkus, has decided to make a bid for the office of president. He is a good boi and likes ham. Barkus 2020!

[@lynnwilhoite6194]

🙌 YES! BARKUS 2020!

[@bluewinterstorm]

Gasp! I like ham! He's so relatable!

[@MidnightSonnet]

He's the doggo the country needs, but not the one it deserves.

[@balrog0517]

Um ... It's Barkus 35 years old? I don't think the Constitution makes any provision for "dog years".

[@celialovett5880]

@@bluewinterstorm And although he likes ham, he is not a tool of the pervasive ham lobby we have all heard so much about in recent elections.

[@madeyoureact7006]

“Nyet ? Sounds Russian to me!” That was a funny line 😂😂😂

[@toadjiang7626]

*Trump's own argument against himself declaring a national emergency:* *"Repubs must not allow Pres Obama to subvert the Constitution of the US for his own benefit & because he is unable to negotiate w/ Congress." - Donald Trump, Nov 20, 2014.*

[@grandwonder5858]

Everything Crooked Trump has ever proclaimed to be against, he commits -- usually within days!

[@HollywoodF1]

Remember when you're making good points, there are only three types of people left in the US: 1) People who hate him because he's a hypocritical liar. 2) People who swallow their disdain because the ends justify the means. 3) People who have been duped because they are not intelligent enough to fit into the first two categories. To recap: Ethical, Evil, and Stupid. That's what we got.

[@greebj]

fake history!

[@mimimarcus]

That sentence sounds like someone wrote it for him. 'Subvert' is too big of word and concept for the Lumpy Dumpy in chief

[@robertnett9793]

Thats obviously fake news by the deep state who is controlled by Hillary and Satan.

[@BNSFGuy4723]

Man, I wish these weren’t prerecorded... I want to hear Stephen joke about the national emergency :< I guess we have to wait until *Monday*

[@kombinatsiya6000]

That's the main reason I'm hear. That and listening to jokes reminding the audience that the president of the US fucked a porn star without a condom 😆👌

[@chickeee]

What could possibly happen between Thursday and Monday? .. .. ...

[@DimJongUn]

@@chickeee RIGHT. 4 day a week late shows worked when shit was normal. He needs to be doing at least 8 days a week

[@RCmack]

I also want to hear Stephen's take about the Aurora, IL mass shooter, and how Stephen feels about the NRA!

[@camelsheit_on_the_walls446]

@@DimJongUn This here shit is still kinda normal. Just sayin'. If anybody should, like, care.

[@errgag3580]

Trump declares an emergency but flies to Florida for golf??? WTF!!!!

[@NOMAD-qp3dd]

That's the new normal.

[@RCmack]

I wonder if Trump will golf after he possibly loses Florida and the election next year. He will probably still golf -- after he declares another National Emergency to address possible voter fraud in Florida.

[@Noreb]

Its probably for the best.... Lets be honest he would just be in the way in the WH...

[@gz9975]

Trump declares an emergency, then in the speech he gives immediately post-declaration, claims it actually isn't an emergency. But Christians are bigots and childm0lesters, so as long as Trump preaches hate against minorities and hides out in child beauty pageant locker rooms, he will have the unwavering support of Christian America.

[@thestudioofhopecorporation3356]

Obomba declared a national emergency on Mexican Cartels...

[@marrus1372]

Waldo walks among the people. Waldo knows the average man. Ain't fancy suits and ties on senator waldo.

[@paullwrightt]

Anytime someone says Colbert is biased against the right, I have to tell them "no, he is biased against bs, and there is plenty on the left he attacks too" which is why shows like this are important to me.

[@AnArChRiStxseditio]

Colbert is a centrist with rare movement to the centre left or centre right depending on situation

[@KingOfMadCows]

Emperor Palpatine also declared a state of emergency based on a crisis he engineered in order to seize power.

[@ezelfrancisco1349]

I hate how this is actually canon and a really funny joke

[@beefandbarley]

I'm such a nerd that I was watching the prequels today and thought, hmm, Palpatine, Trump. Who is Dooku? Who is Vader? "Obiwan, you're our only hope"

[@greebj]

which has occurred many times throughout history, such as when a lone wolf burnt down the Reichstag and Hitler used it to frame the Communists and suspend civil liberties

[@hamishgaffaney5323]

I don't that's fair to compare Trumps administration to the galactic empire from star wars, its much more like the galactic empire from space balls

[@lukaszwojcik8174]

@@beefandbarley Nah, Pence is Palpatine. Trump is just a Vader - he switched sides just like Vader did and had little to say ever since. Only difference is he had maany Padmes.

[@swordsmanoftime3001]

I didn't notice waldo until he mentioned him XD

[@ryansalle3847]

In which countries is he called Waldo, cause in Aus and NZ it’s wally

[@JachAnen]

Me neither. I didn't do well with the books either so...

[@lynnwilhoite6194]

@Ryan Salle, I don't know, but in the United States it's "where's Waldo".

[@ThisCharmingMan1984]

swordsmanoftime3001 In that case, he dis his job well haha.

[@palsp666]

I'm gonna miss you on the weekends Stephen.

[@iDGF999]

John Oliver's show starts back up on Sunday if that's your thing.

[@palsp666]

@@iDGF999 Oh wow. I am a huge fan of his work. Thanks you

[@markgordon6216]

Trump is no Darth Vader. Maybe Dumb Vader.

[@crazyforcoffee5950]

Mark Gordon at least Vader had a good side called Anakin Skywalker

[@timothymccaskey4362]

Paul Belardo: I see you haven't done anything for that Cognitive Dissonance and Dunning-Kruger Effect that you suffer from. Sad.

[@MasterOfSparks]

@Paul Belardo If you like Trump you'd have LOVED Hitler and for the Exact same reasons! Both "nationalist conservatives".

[@MasterOfSparks]

@Paul Belardo There are two basic narratives. The first came about long around the Great Depression and WW II. It says that the rich are parasites. That we need unions so that workers get fair wages and decent treatment. The other came with Reagan. It said that the unions were bad and that if left untaxed the rich would grow a stronger economy for us all. They are both generational outlooks. The "Greatest Generation" that overcame the Great Depression, defeated Hitler, Mussolini, and Hirohito, built the National Highway System and the strongest middle class the world has ever known, put a dozen men on the moon, and so much more. also elected the most liberal President in US history, FDR, FOUR TIMES. The generation that voted for Reagan twice can't even fix the roads or put their own grandchildren through elementary school. Now you have to choose which of those narratives you're going to support. But, before you decide, go watch an episode of "All In The Family". In the 1970's Archie Bunker had a blue collar job on a loading dock. With that he was able to pay off his house in New York City while his wife stayed home. He put his daughter and her husband through college without acquiring debt. And he retired with enough savings to buy a bar, "Archie Bunker's Place". In today’s world that all sounds like a fantasy. But that’s how Americans lived back in the “good old days” before Reagan. You just have to pick which world you want to live in. If you prefer the economy that we have now, after 40 years of Reaganomics, then keep supporting that narrative. But, if you'd rather have the quality of life that we had in America 40 years ago, then support the narrative that produced that lifestyle. Its just as simple as that. Personally I think you, and many others, bought a line of bullshit. And history refers to the reason that you all did as "the Southern Strategy". You might want to look that up. PS - I've actually had conservatives claim that the economy created by FDR, Truman, "Beware the industrial military complex" Eisenhower, JFK, Johnson, and "OSHA" Nixon was conservative. While the economy created over the last 40 years by Reagan, Bush, "No more AFDC" Clinton, Duh bya, and "Let's cut Social Security" Obama was liberal. I hope you're not that f***ing stupid! You're looking at conservative economics every damned day and have been for decades. More of the same will not fix it. And, BTW, the national debt was created, Almost Entirely, by “borrow and spend Republicans”.

[@Chunkboi]

Paul Belardo You’re just going to brush off facts like that? Not surprising.

[@nathanjamesbaker]

Thank God for Colbert on Friday nights.

[@faceoff3315]

*Make America Great Again Impeach Donald J Trump and Mike Pence*

[@vontrelllyles5593]

And Mike pence in that order.

[@majinvegeta6364]

@Brian M if there is evidence that Pence participated in an effort to cover up crimes committed by the 2016 campaign, then Pelosi could be president by the end of the year.

[@justblazin6309]

why should we give me 1 good reason we should.

[@Tyler-cd6ov]

Impeach for what again? For treason? Can’t be treason even IF he colluded with Russia because we aren’t at war with Russia. Still zero evidence of direct collusion with Russia by Trump. Sorry dude you’re being manipulated ✌️.

[@Idasbo]

@@Tyler-cd6ov Trump went against his own agents, saying: Oh, you guys believe it is Russia? Well... I spoke to Putin, and I believe him more than you guys. Then later, he changes his sentence, like some of my 6-year old pupils would do: "No, I said wouldn't instead of would".

[@danrion8839]

New Jersey -- What you think you're better than me.

[@Opus313]

Colbert is great, of course, but you have to love the Friday audience!

[@dash-x]

Opus 313 they are really the Thursday audience.

[@Opus313]

I know...that's the point of the joke. Stephen jokes about it too most weeks.

[@bothellkenmore]

@cj p Every President has been ridiculed. Ford falling down the steps of Air Force One, Carter's hillbilly brother, Reagan showing signs of Alzheimer, Bush Sr throwing up on the Japanese PM, Clinton need we say more. Take your tin foil conspiracy hat off.

[@nicholasmoore2112]

@cj p Do you..? Do you think that "has" and "as" are the same word..?

[@catherinestickels2591]

@cj p It's impossible that the market into political comedy happens to be a very liberal group and thus only liberal comedians succeed in political comedy. There must be a grand conspiracy at play. Genius.

[@veravonweltin2027]

THANK YOU for bringing up a topic that should on the FRONTPAGE of every serious news outlet!

[@michaelm5149]

I LOVE how at 6:45 they played the beat to ‘To Live and Die in L.A.’ so freakin much!

[@NxDoyle]

I saw the title of this segment and immediately the thought flashed through my mind, "For the sake of America and the wider world, everyone who opposes and resists this president must view themselves not just as voters, but as challengers." 80 million people, united in purpose. To restore dignity and competence to an office that has, in the space of a couple years, been soiled by a man whose existence is motivated by vainglorious self-interest, greed and hatred.

[@moarsaur]

@cj p Just drop a derogatory term in the middle of some other random words and punctuation: the full extent of right wing "humor."

[@sweetiesupari3158]

Wow you hit the nail on this one 😂 a true narcissist libtard would think that👍

[@Chunkboi]

Bustin Kappus still pushing that same tired lie like any trumptard NPC would, and engaging in the same infantile behavior as your fellow trumptards cj p and sweetie supari. You and president 💩 keep trying to make America go away, but it won’t happen.

[@sweetiesupari3158]

Cuckboi well said🤣, I couldn't give a better example of trump derangement syndrome if I tried👏

[@Chunkboi]

sweetie supari Actually, you and your fellow trumptards are right now. I cannot exemplify Trump Derangement Syndrome, as I am not a deranged Trump supporter. Trumptards like you, Bustin Kappus, and cj p eschew facts, evidence, logic, reason, and critical thinking in favor of fabrications, unfounded allegations, conflations, libel/insult/slander, projecting 💩’s (and your own) faults onto others, and willful ignorance.

[@lindaleelaw5277]

Stop him from interfering in the Venezuala. He just wants to say "no one took on these countries better then I did" . NO MORE MONEY FOR WAR. OR TRUMP

[@Lauren_K]

So if Trump focuses on USA, he's a viewed as a selfish nationalist but if he tries to send food and supplies to a crumbling country with their citizens asking for help, he's being selfish in doing so also?

[@lizardog]

@@Lauren_K, that's a joke right? If Trump wants to help Americans, he could clean up the water in Flint, or help in the aftermath of the California fires, or send help to the American territory of Puerto Rico. Get your head around the fact that everything Mr. Trump does is in service to his mission of self-aggrandizement. Ratings are all he cares about.

[@Lauren_K]

Connie Bailey I’m sorry if you have come across people who like to joke about serious matter but no, I’m not joking. I want what’s going to benefit almost everyone (Democratic, Republican, etc). Flint water is an issue but since America has many issues, we need to focus on what would benefit everyone. I’ve lived in many states and having a national emergency for Flint water issue, won’t benefit me or majority of Americans. Illegal immigration is real (and not just Mexican border but in other ways and from different countries). Because there is Evidence from border agents, farmers on border, Angel parents, etc. why shouldn’t we strengthen the border? I can understand having a discussion of what might be the better place to put money for an issue. But democratics and some press depicts as the southern border as not a problem AT ALL. Why? Since illegal immigration affects in many ways and in many realms, I and other American focus on controlling illegals. Presidents in the past have declared national emergencies and some and many were for other countries. Why can’t we declare a NATIONAL Emergency for what is physical and economically happening in our NATION

[@OviLVR8]

@@Lauren_K Yes sounds about right from the liberal dope heads.

[@thillaisaravanan8097]

Me 2020! Slogan: I'm not Trump, therefore I'm obviously a better choice.

[@iceinhuman9139]

Thats how we lost 2016 to trump.......literally. Run on issues, not "im not trump".

[@thillaisaravanan8097]

@@iceinhuman9139 yeah I agree, I was being sarcastic actually.

[@kikiwest2001]

@@iceinhuman9139 Back then, it was speculation which is why we lost. We know for a FACT he's horrible after all the crap he's done. This slogan will suffice.

[@MyChevySonic]

@@iceinhuman9139 We didn't lose in 2016. We were denied the mandate because of how America's elections work. They heavily favor sparsely populated states filled with uneducated nincompoops that suppress minority votes.

[@MrRicepuff]

@@MyChevySonic it's called the electoral college. It gives fair equal power to all states. big or small.

[@juantubey]

I love how the band played "I ain' mad at cha" while Steve kept saying "Am mad" Looool!

[@pamjarman5494]

Watched this live !! Loved the experience! I recommend it for everyone!

[@Withjoyfulsenescence]

Checked. Waldo is there since the image popped out. Lol.

[@NewhamMatt]

I couldn't believe he'd been there the whole time until I went back and checked.

[@sabrakt]

You mean you didn't see him before he was mentionned by Stephen...?

[@giovannivella5528]

Trump is a big weenie!!!

[@GoodSoulPossible]

So Stephen Colbert will also be running for President 2020.

[@EugeneAxe]

Oh God, I wish.

[@anhedonicauthor]

But if Stephen is president, he’ll be so busy in the White House he won’t have time to do The Late Show. … oh wait.

[@williamfroh8830]

From your lips to God's ears

[@CloudsGirl7]

...either that or he'll be doing some of that face-licking he talked about in an earlier episode...

[@CloudsGirl7]

@cj p Funny fanfic.

[@boogieman323]

“What you think you’re better than me ?” 😂

[@sienaamoroso7136]

Get Andrew Yang on for an interview!!! #yanggang

[@johnchessant3012]

Stephen licking Beto's ear lmao

[@jaidora]

He's just jealous that California doesn't like him.

[@AmbyJeans]

We sure don't ☺️

[@iceinhuman9139]

I know, just imagine if he had the most populous state in the union on his side. easiest win for president ever. A shame he holds 0 policies california wants, needs or cares about.

[@Quicks1lvr]

@@iceinhuman9139 Because high taxes, 10% of the population on food stamps, rampant homelessness, a bullet train to nowhere, and a governor who had an affair while as mayor of San Francisco are appealing. Also enjoy our electricity costs very much...

[@LEMMYKISGOD]

Who wouldn't luv California with our 680 sq. ft. Studio unit Condos with 1.5 million dollar asking prices, pothole ridden streets & highways, and failing public schools. Hey we get lots of Sunshine, well we do have that 🤔

[@Chunkboi]

Buddy Watts Yeah, 💩 wins, America loses.

[@kimberlys8422]

Yeah I'm voting for the democratic nominee regardless.

[@ifartmagic]

@alexdapostman hahahaha that's a funny joke. Nah a winning ticket is Bernie/khana/tulsi 2020👵🐦

[@kimberlys8422]

@alexdapostman Nah. But Trumpublicans cannot be trusted.

[@robevans8629]

Largely both parties are full of shit, the Democrats in particular, Trump is a breath of fresh air. Enjoy voting for higher taxes and do-nothing Democratic candidate's.

[@kimberlys8422]

@@robevans8629 🤢🤮

[@Quicks1lvr]

@@kimberlys8422 Come here to California and think that isn't true. We voted to increase the tax on gas to fix roads because our elected officials syphoned the money originally meant for roads into the general fund. But hey, only the poor and working class have to worry about increased tax burdens am I right? Oh yeah, best money ever spent on that bullet train. The people working on that failed rail system made off like Kings thanks to the Democrats here.

[@patriciaa4451]

Do the Caravan dance!

[@kendomyers]

Dance clown! Dance!

[@edgr7440]

JON BATISTE playing "I ain't mad at cha" on the Piano is the best thing i heard all day 🎹🎹🔥👌

[@mindlessgonzo]

This is a test of the Fake National Emergency. This is only a test. "SAAAD!! SAAAD!! Going Golfing, BRB!!"

[@NewMessage]

In Donnie's defense, high speed walls did put Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook on the map...

[@williamfroh8830]

Is that an older Simpson's reference??? You know the one with the monorail and the spoof on the Music Man musical.

[@7thDayAdventures]

Don't blame me, I voted for kodos.

[@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342]

Wallo...... DOH!

[@siobhantheprawn]

Well, sir, there's nothing on earth like a genuine, bona fide, electrified, unrequired borderwall!

[@Chunkboi]

Buddy Watts you think 💩’s criminal trial will last 6 years?

[@NewMessage]

"If I'd known she was my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her." - Darth Vader.

[@kimberlys8422]

How eloquent is he in his admission of incest

[@timothymccaskey4362]

You got to keep it in the Family. Vito Corleone

[@TimeandMonotony]

Well, Leia did make out with her brother. You never know, maybe she'd be into it.

[@Theegoaat]

*Trumpth Vader

[@NewMessage]

"Big, enthusiastic crowds frighten the Trump team..." Is that why his are always so much smaller than he claims they are?

[@christominello]

When the Late Show gets old, Stephen is perfect for SNL. Like, perfect.

[@famozzo]

I did hear music from the future. I smoked hasj and listened to music on a mone taperecorder. Never heared it before. It was beautiful, only the next day as I rewinded the tape, I couldn't hear it back It was gone!

[@anhedonicauthor]

Trump doesn’t take bathroom breaks. He has people take bathrooms breaks on him. 😏🤢🤮

[@anthonybrod5559]

Not just anyone, Russian prostitutes(allegedly).🤮

[@ifartmagic]

Not defending trump here, but the allogations weren't that he was peed on. It was that he had russian prostitutes pee on the bed the Obama's used when they were in Russia while he watched.

[@D_Snutz]

... I'm sure he would prefer that you believe that...

[@ifartmagic]

@@D_Snutz Im not saying they didn't. Im saying what was actually written about the situation in the Steele dossier.

[@msGVO]

Good god. I did not need that mental image brb gotta go bleach my brain.

[@nativelatinosfooktrump5348]

🍔They took our jerbs

[@moarsaur]

Can't even get a jerb flerpin hamberders.

[@NewMessage]

Luckily for Leia, Vader spent so long refining the his 'Force Choke', that he never did master the 'Force Grope' technique.

[@Kznarf]

Well played sir, well played

[@madsox627]

Don’t bring Trump’s “Ivanka” thoughts into the Star Wars Trilogy. So gross! 🤣

[@bharatamla40]

Well played dude. Now you ruined star wars in my head

[@Wednesdaywoe1975]

It melted off, so he wasnt into that.

[@stevenliszkai7419]

Run like the wind, you crazy beautiful person of the people - we need you.

[@xxXthekevXxx]

*_ANDREW YANG 2020_*

[@alsah-him1571]

My top 5 choices are: 1) Bernie Sanders 2) Bernard Sanders 3) Birdie Sanders 4) The Bern 5) Jane Sanders' husband

[@mrbillsrecords]

Trump 2020...............behind bars!

[@placeofwarship5641]

Good thing there is trump to give you idea for avatar.....

[@scottrowe533]

"C'mon, Senator Harris, how are we supposed to believe you smoked weed if you can't remember every detail of what happened when you were high?" Hah! 😀

[@elsahelgason]

Thank you to shares of your stage. I did appreciated of you to do so.

[@PicturesJester]

That I Aint Mad At Cha detail by the band was pretty great

[@palsp666]

*"I don't like collisions"* Says the guy who colluded with Putin

[@JFL92989]

@Susan Sullivan Are you talking about MSNBC and CNN?

[@cole6245]

BETO YES

[@jokerface7531]

*POTUS : PINOCCHIO OF THE UNITED STATES*

[@placeofwarship5641]

.....Says the Joker

[@kar4tube]

Dear Stephen. Thank you for keeping democracy alive and a smile on our faces.

[@kylev24]

6:43 “I ain’t mad atcha” one of my favorite songs of all time!

[@RCmack]

Any of the Democrats on this long list would be better than Donald Trump. Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren stand out to me as being the cream of the Democratic crop!

[@BCBtheBeastlyBeast]

Please rethink Joe Biden.

[@BCBtheBeastlyBeast]

@Jess Hanks That's ageist.

[@BCBtheBeastlyBeast]

​@Jess Hanks If they are in good health, what's the problem?

[@davidm6387]

As I like to point out at every opportunity, Bernie isn't even a Democrat. Don't place the hopes of your political party on the shoulders of a man who isn't a member of that political party. It really is that simple. Elizabeth Warren, aka Liawatha aka Fauxcahontas, can't win. Joe Biden I highly respect, but he can't be the one good choice among two dozen shitty choices. He'll lose to whatever crazy person yells louder than him, like what happened with the GOP last election.

[@BCBtheBeastlyBeast]

@Jess Hanks "it makes sense" yet you give no reasoning. Having to be a certain age to run is not reasoning for needing a ceiling. "questionable after a certain age" No, there are tests you can do. Seriously.

[@rosemarywilliams9969]

Wait. So Fox is mad that she may not have smoked pot? WTF? Good Grief give me a gator!

[@millicentlopez3592]

lets be fair, Harris is hella shady

[@roccocid]

THAT PIANO PLAYING "I AIN'T MAD AT CHA" FROM TUPAC... NICE TOUCH.

[@SongofaBeach2012]

It's hilarious 😂 even on mute I can tell when Stephen Colbert is doing his Trump impression. Haha those (tiny) hand gestures kill me every time!

[@omarelahi3934]

BERNIE SANDERS 2020

[@drakeschlepphorst1027]

Any functional adult 2020

[@kalajooni6724]

Really? Fox actually spent time trying to prove Harris didn't listen to Snoop? Aren't there more important matters to cover?

[@williamfroh8830]

You lie about that you lie about anything. Have you learned nothing from watching Trump for all these years???

[@Mostdefinitelynotabot]

The news has been covering Russian collusion for 2 years now lol. And it's just now getting debunked by NBC. Since there has Been no proof found by the bipartisan Senate investigation. But a shit load of horrible laws were passed while they were not focusing on actual policy.

[@jmowers7479]

Well Kamala Harris is a few years younger than me. So I'm gonna say she listened to Pink Floyds Dark Side of the Moon...

[@dozog]

Because everyone is like you.

[@maggierezac5820]

@@dozog Or not, I possibly envy those who CAN remember what they listened to stoned! I was in college during the early 80's so who knows what I was listening to! I do remember the floor was the most fascinating thing ever! 😵🏴😎 Now I remember, during the stoned road trips, it was 38 Special and/or Nazareth! There, I admitted that at the age of 19 I did drive very drunk, stoned & fast. And then I quit. Moving on...💨💨

[@ashleyquintanar727]

Thank You Stephen

[@philda1698]

Love the I ain't mad at ya piano part

[@ellenhannon7505]

I looked to my right and saw an empty chair I'm definitely voting for it😀

[@TimeandMonotony]

I looked to my right and saw my water bottle. To the left are the chocolate-covered pretzels I'm happily munching on. Both would make a better president than Trump. *Waterbottle/Chocolate-Covered Pretzels 2020*

[@ellenhannon7505]

@@TimeandMonotony the empty chair will concede if you make it attorney general

[@TimeandMonotony]

@@ellenhannon7505 Done.

[@nublet1225]

What's with not mentioning Tulsi Gabbard?

[@randomperson8571]

It seems like Stephen only went over the handful of people Trump is considering threats/people who will actually have a chance at winning the Dem nomination, which does not include Tulsi. Plus, she's really not that funny, or fun to make fun of. She supported gay conversion therapy because her family was super conservative, and now she's a Democratic politician and can't believe in that stuff anymore, so she apologized. It's sort of a bland story really. It's not like Stephen picked at Kamala Harris' faults, instead he turned it onto Fox & Friends.

[@damarmar1001]

The wall We don't need no education hahahaha

[@damarmar1001]

@Buddy Watts Trumpski for the uneducated

[@OviLVR8]

Well in CA education only makes them stupid. Better off getting an education from KZbin then learn from schools out here.

[@Chunkboi]

ramms mutter69 really? I went to CA schools, then got accepted to Georgetown for grad school. Then again, I went there before they started to crater...

[@OviLVR8]

@@Chunkboi Went through the LA public school system. Got C's, D's and F's. Moved to Virginia for last three years of high school. Started to get A's, B's and occasional C's and on a harder grading scale. Was lucky enough to get into UVA. The fuck authority attitude from kids out here in LA is a big part of it too. It's cool if you get bad grades and say screw school. I supervise a lot of young adults and they are useless. They have no practical skills besides knowing how social media works.

[@mayaraghavan2007]

I like when he does acting within the monologues

[@VianneyCreates]

LOL! I didn't even notice Waldo!

[@freedomdividendnews5042]

Andrew Yang is the best!

[@RishiShahSays]

I have got to say, tat was some serious journalistic reporting by foxnfriends standards.

[@heythere9371]

It was pretty misleading of Stephen to frame that as if only Fox and Friends have a problem with Kamala's pandering. Worse than her pandering is the fact that she put people in jail for smoking weed and fought against legalization

[@dozog]

@cj p To be fair, he said he had burders.

[@dozog]

@cj p but what about her emails?

[@dozog]

@cj p what is a Christan? He mental to say Christan? (Are you trying to run for president?)

[@dozog]

@cj p reply checked, it's English.

[@nongthip]

Thank God/Buddha/Allah/etc. for Stephen Colbert. One of the best comic-relief sanity (not Hannity) checks to remind us we are not alone, by far, getting through this Trumpish bullshit time.

[@mantistoboggan5171]

flying spaghetti monster is the only credible deity

[@nodustechnologies3989]

the 'acting' part was GOLD!

[@remraft]

I'm angry that the audience didn't give more of a reaction to the monster truck bit. It was superb. NUANCEDD

[@franandwood14]

I think this was filmed on Thursday

[@janelmarshall9011]

Yeah cause he hasn't mentioned that hilarious state of emergency address today.

[@gmcubed]

Franandwood yeah, they dont shoot Friday shows on Friday, been that way since letterman.

[@maggierezac5820]

@@janelmarshall9011 Or the even more hilarious pResidential Health Report! Spanky gained a few pounds, but he also grew a few inches taller! Throw off that pesky BMI? Rachel Maddow did a hilarious report on his 'Health Report' a couple of nights ago! He is now *cough* 6 feet 3 inches...NOT!🤣😎🏴💨💨

[@Mostdefinitelynotabot]

Bookers numbers dropped because he voted against lowering drug prices You used to stand up for us Colbert. Tulsi or Sanders 2020 yall!!

[@wesleycampbell6835]

He thought no one was watching.

[@williamfroh8830]

In what world would Sanders take the second spot????

[@Mostdefinitelynotabot]

I meant either/or

[@ifartmagic]

Sanders 🔥👵🐦🔥 2020

[@timstarkes173]

Colbert is corporate media.. therefore he isn't supporting anyone that's against war or FOR Medicare for All.

[@DuranmanX]

Here comes a new challenger!

[@miriamkling775]

Steven Colbert is so funny. He says it like it is!

[@acesalavati580]

greatest host ever. dude you are awesome 👍👍👍👍👍

[@vicmartone]

If Bernie runs again, that's your chance to correct your biggest mistake, America.

[@bumdumb927]

@Bustin Kappus You say as the current president doesn't believe in a healthcare plan that even 3rd world and majority of 1st world countries have. #Bernie2020.

[@robertbrown3064]

@Bustin Kappus I'll be voting for Bernie.

[@mantistoboggan5171]

@Bustin Kappus weird. your country is already a 3rd world country. mass shootings and citizens choosing to die or go bankrupt

[@readyzeus]

Bahahahahahahaha

[@EhurtAfy]

@@bumdumb927 Opposing Federalized healthcare is very different from not believing in a healthcare plan. Federal healthcare is sh*t. Private healthcare is far superior.

[@hammondthink7947]

BERNIE 2020!

[@robertkidd3812]

Come to Canada.... Where then Grass is really greener

[@bluewinterstorm]

Ive been trying, its harder than you think 🙁 maybe if you guys accept us as refugees I'd have a shot.

[@Red777Ghost]

Trudeau is more corrupt than trump

[@mimim7026]

Canada probably should build a wall and make America pay for it. Because there are a lot of us considering emigrating.

[@yoshi8010]

Stephen, the acting was impeccable.

[@GsusJack]

1:50 That F SW Joke was perfect! XD

[@OronoDiane]

*sigh* ...and we Dems are off to a rollicking start... thanks Kamala Harris. Seriously, why did you need to lie about your musical taste? we *CAN'T* screw this up! We need to get a serious Dem into office! C'mon, do better.

[@cajeb5396]

And the media cant stop pushing her smh. If she gets selected by the establishment and loses to Trump just like Hillary this is going to suck. She wasnt for legal weed before when she ran in 2014 but now that it's so popular she was always for weed and listening to Snoop and Tupac! Shes so cool! Bullshit...

[@mopeblaze]

She didn't lie, she was responding to Envy's question not charlamange. Just watch the interview or at least the 30 seconds prior to that

[@Mostdefinitelynotabot]

Her Career as a D.A has some terrifying stories of innocent people being kept in prison under technicalities.

[@timstarkes173]

She's the wall street anointed one.. pro war, anti Medicare for All

[@SuperPokerBrat]

I must be living in an alternate universe. The Orange Clown lies 10,000 times in two years and we are discussing if Kamala Harris lied about which music she listened in college.

[@Top_Dawg360]

Its friday, friday, gotta get down on friday!

[@TimeandMonotony]

Everyone's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend!

[@jhwheuer]

Like watching a toddler repairing a clock ... with a mallet. If that’s the way his electorate sees the role of the president, good luck USA

[@rsand2009]

6:43, "Aint mad at ya" started playing xD

[@Viccano85]

ANDREW YANG BRING HIM ON THE SHOW !! .... Pretty Please ....

[@jimwhite2049]

No point, an Asian is not gain much support in an election in America, 500 years too early. Maybe a localized election with a high Asian population but that's about it.

[@januarybaby1063]

Anyone remember COLDDDD BLOOOOODEEEEDDDDD?

[@doesntMetter1]

Should've said "140% of the population said ниет"

[@chloegrobler4275]

I love this guy so much!!!!

[@brunosales2311]

“Nyet?!? What, sounds Russian to me!” 😂😂I love Jon!

[@abhishekanand354]

Y is Kamala Harris in centre in all the posters ? (2:37) In comments I rarely find any support for her🤔😒

[@kayrosis5523]

Because Kamala is the Anointed One that the Media is going to push on us... "It's HER turn"

[@gz9975]

Kamala is the new Hillary.

[@cajeb5396]

@@kayrosis5523 Yep the media keeps talking her up. Colbert spent majority of the segment about dem candidates defending Kamala Harris and promoting her...

[@7thDayAdventures]

@@akenyanwoman: "Everyone that disagrees with me is a bot."

[@ifartmagic]

Harris is this years Hillary. The establishment is gonna push her hard. The corporates are terrified of how many progressives are running. She's their darling for 2020.

[@victorcabanelas]

"American Psycho cosplay champ", hahahaha!!!

[@lindaleelaw5277]

Is there actually a competition? If Dems blow it, I'm moving to Italy .

[@jhwheuer]

Get ready for even more chaotic politics. But the food is better by a mile, and there will be healthcare... and tuition free schools, and no guns... wait, I know what you did there...

[@mimasimpersonator3005]

I belive Switzerland would be a better choice

[@moarsaur]

@cj p At least you're up front about your priorities.

[@moarsaur]

The current fragmentation of the Democratic party is concerning. We don't agree on much except that the GOP is terrible. Also, the issues we really need to be addressing just don't turn out voters. Facing climate change and dealing with the concentration of wealth don't get a lot of people excited, and we've seen too many hackjobs on healthcare reform to take anyone seriously on that issue. Meanwhile, the right wing is as riled as ever to keep all the brown folks from taking their guns to kill babies for the Gay Agenda when we could all be millionaires if it weren't for welfare queens.

[@charmingjim]

@@mimasimpersonator3005 I'm going to Austria and Switzerland for two weeks in the summer, then Barcelona for a week. I'm looking at my options.

[@louiexiii9408]

I love how the band played I ain't mad at cha 😂😂

[@philrabe910]

Thanks, Stevphen! [Phil from California]

[@JazzyJeffRealTalk]

Waldo 2020, got my vote! 😂