Are You Still Wondering That You Can't Be Transgender?

[@DRZPHD]

Yeah! The background ain't working 🥲but I love it so much lol. OK OK back to the door on next video. Thank you all for feedback!!! Huge hugs to all!

[@KM-cb8ff]

I don't think the background is bad? Maybe needs tweaking or softened somewhere? It was fine without it but the new one is cool too. Don't let the world define your videos lol!

[@Renacd122]

As always your insight to the topic was spot on especially for new and younger folks, but the background just isn't working, the office style setting seems more personal and human. Thank you Again for a great segment

[@ws6778]

She is blending in with the background in a way that she looks camouflaged.

[@jandianderson6336]

It was worth shot, but no. Makes me think of a bad SiFi flick. Just weird. I still like you though.

[@DRZPHD]

@@KM-cb8ff Ohh I'd never let others define me that way, but I was also on a fence about it and others feedback confirmed why.

[@kyleshoemaker3198]

This is something I’m still struggling with two years after coming out to myself. I think “why me?” “This can’t possibly be real” “I’m making this all up” The thing that keeps me grounded when I’m feeling doubtful is knowing for a fact that I’ve never been able to relate to being male. Being at work is becoming harder and harder because I’m in a kitchen with a bunch of guys. When they talk and tell stories I find myself forcing myself to laugh and trying to fit in. But I just can’t relate to anything they say. And that’s how I know. I’m really struggling now because I know I have to transition. It’s getting harder and harder to walk out of my door knowing that the world sees me as male. I’m at a point where I’ve dismantled most of the mental roadblocks and now it’s just a financial thing. Saving money for my transition is the biggest thing that gets me out of the door every day.

[@Friday_The_Thirteenth]

I want you to know that you’re not alone!! I have also had the feeling of not being good enough and making this whole thing up. I think that is my gender dysphoria. I keep thinking that I’m just a messed up girl and playing make believe

[@Shalanaya]

I lived with severe gender dysphoria myself, I transitioned but then detransitioned, because I was just not able to cope with the ability being so handicapped as a woman, with hormones it all comes rushing in and becomes all the more clear, and the sensation not being like other women physically is a harrowing experience, the need to give birth, those motherly instincts, it all starts coming in, which made me detransition and consider that maybe living as a man would be easier to cope by hiding within.

[@DRZPHD]

@Kyle Shoemaker thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear of your pain and struggles.

[@rubyredlotus]

For as long as I can remember I have had terrible self confidence, always feeling my thoughts and opinions had less value than others. I've often wondered where that tendency comes from, this video helped me realize that gender gaslighting from the world, especially as through my parents must have been wearing down my sense of validity since I was born. Thank you for the insight.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful.

[@ws6778]

Me to myself: No one wakes up one day out of sudden desiring to suffer as a transgender, bisexual, or polyamorous person. Also me: *Still freak out fearing to wake up one day as a cisgender heterosexual monoamorous person*. The struggle is real, I live in self-doubt, gaslighting myself.

[@DRZPHD]

The struggle is too real.

[@hermitthefrog8951]

Why would waking up as a *cisgender heterosexual monoamorous person* cause fear freak-out? It's just part of the same spectrum. I think this hi-lites part of the intentionally engineered societal division over gender issues. I think Depeche Mode had it right: "People are people so why should it be that you and i should get along so awfully?"

[@Shalanaya]

"If you don't see yourself back, how do you know you exist?" was my long lasting existential question too. I see someone that is hidden behind my reflection, I know it is there, but it's not seen, and so what I attract in reality as a reflection always tends to mirror the same like the body, something that is there but not fully, it is either inauthentic or not fully revealed or expressed, and so whatever I receive from the world I need to dig really deep into to receive its true value hidden in it, no fulfilled exchange ever happens on the surface by its pure intention, even when it comes to intimacy, things are not fully expressed, something is constantly amiss or missing. This is how I would also describe my gender dysphoria, it has a deep impact on perception, growing up I used to be called body without a soul, but I knew I was actually the soul without a body.

[@DRZPHD]

Wow powerfully put.

[@ZijnShayatanica]

Goddamn, I feel this 110%...

[@umalguemai5628]

When I came out to my parens as a Lesbian, their main reaction was "You are being influenced by social media and you just want a group of people to relate to because adolescence and blablabla", wich was a thought I already had in my head, and just got louder since then Now that I'm figuring out my non-binaryness, when i speak to someone who is also non binary, I refrain myself to reveal that part of myself, because of the voice in my head that say that I'm doing it for attention. I fell my gender is kind of fluid, and the days I relate more to femininity (my agab) are the WORST days because they make all the other days fell like they were false. I can't thank you for making this video, sending all the love ♥️

[@ws6778]

My parents think that studying biology made me queer.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@salomeabrt1574]

​@@ws6778 Such a stupid argument from them. Like, you are smart, so you know things exist. How dare you!

[@salomeabrt1574]

I know what you mean. I kept a journal where I'd have several coloured tags for my gendered experience, on occasion adding text to it. It turned out quite useful for a while, to figure things out. I would recommend getting rather poetic and not strict with it, because rigid categorisation of a non-binary experience is bordering impossible, but seeing it reflected in some form did me good. Also, you are obviously not doing it for attention. A person doing it for attention would not shut up about it to anyone, and a) nothing is wrong about being excited to share an experience b) you are not doing that.

[@openSUSE5]

Hi Dr Z! I just wanted to say that I'm a regular and I don't like the black background. There is a lack of contrast between it and your hair and clothes. I think having your real office as the background works best. It looks less amateurish and makes you look like the professional that you are ❤️

[@DRZPHD]

Hahah this is great feedback I appreciate it and also agree.

[@joeys307]

Dr Z. I use the closed captions due to hearing deficits. I like the black clothes and background for this reason, it’s always good to try improving, and this was a good change for me. Love your videos and have seen them all, some twice. ❤️Jo.

[@bobbylee9727]

Maybe in late October when Halloween makes people think of themselves as blood sucking vampires Dr Z could dress up as one and use this background to great effect. But for the rest of the year I agree the best background is the white book case with professional accoutrements.

[@billybraswell5426]

Thank you Dr Z. As someone who suppressed my being transgender for 58 years. When I finally opened up to my real true self my family rejected the idea and said I was crazy. I have surronded my self with caring freinds who encourage me to be myself and now I am happy, but there are days where I still question am I doing the right thing.

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear about your family reaction.

[@brynl-k4118]

Your background looks like you have sorbet behind you some sort of cool textured wall. Thanks for the information and support

[@DRZPHD]

Yes its like black licorice ice cream :)

[@brynl-k4118]

@@DRZPHD yes! Or black sesame ice cream, which is really good too. I thought it was ice cream. :) who doesnt want to be in front of a yummy container of ice cream

[@brynl-k4118]

@@DRZPHD maybe you could do a background like a mood ring. What texture do you feel today? :)

[@DrayseSchneider]

Once again, how timely. I had dysphoria over this just yesterday. I wasn't presenting masc at all, but I was suddenly struck with the feeling that I felt masculine in that moment. Then I started questioning my transness, wondering if I was fooling myself, if I was perhaps a cis, albeit bi, man after all. How do I feel about that? If I were truly trans wouldn't I have done more by now? What about me is passing in any way? Should I even bother passing? Should I just quit and detransition? It didn't last long, but it was an excruciating and painful moment as I fought to center myself and think about it rationally. While I was able to untangle it on my own, I found your video to be reassuring.

[@ws6778]

Everytime I self-doubt myself into an identity crisis if not an existential crisis, I remind myself something I learned studying Philosophies some time ago: Out there, somewhere, there is, in the very least, someone who, specifically, needs you to necessarily exist, and exist as the most authentic version of yourself.

[@FrozEnbyWolf150]

This exact phenomenon is what kept me from realizing I was trans for the longest time. Sometimes I felt like and was fine with presenting as my AGAB, while other times I didn't. Of course, at the time I thought that binary trans was the only possibility that existed. I later learned about nonbinary identities, including genderfluid, and that for some people the shift can occur gradually over a long period of time. So just because some days I feel a certain way in the moment, it doesn't negate my transness. It also helped to realize there's a ton of overlap between what society has defined as feminine and masculine, and that I don't have to constantly worry about fitting one of those definitions just because someone said so.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear you struggled with this. Hang in there and trust your heart.

[@KK-fs4zy]

When I have this sort of insanity crisis after being misgendered and unseen (because I'm stil in the beginning), my partner always asks me: "why do you CARE so much about other people, about your surroundings, you are sure about yourself, aren't you?" Well, I send this video to him right now. I hope he finally understands that this (as I call it) empty mirror problem is very very real. Thanks.

[@DRZPHD]

Hope it helps them understand.

[@Valerie_Valkyrie315]

You answer every question I ever had, and shoot down every argument I had to not transition. Thank you! I wish I'd found you sooner! 4 days on HRT, I'm finally going to be ME!! 💓

[@Shalanaya]

It's not hard to know that I am transgender, simply already for the fact how I resonate with other trans people's experiences, what is hard though is to know how severe it is to transition, or just live with GD without it. I once transitioned and then detransitioned a year after, because psychologically I just couldn't cope with the realization how handicapped I am, see with the right hormones in my body all became so congruent and right that finally I felt like my true self, yet the sensations how different I am from other women, how I was born, how I am unable to give birth, because on top of that the hormones were awakening within me a strong need to be a mother, all of it was breaking me down, crying everyday to the point of barely breathing, I just couldnt take it, now several years after detransition I wonder whether I did the right thing, my god, yes it was hard, but at least I felt alive, which comes with the fact of experiencing true pain and emotions finally, instead in my birth body I feel numb and dead inside, without direction and lost. God if only I could be certain of what is the right thing to do.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.

[@lizsavage1178]

I don’t know if this will help, but I believe from your words, that you live with a lot of emotional pain pretty much every day and it seems that through transitioning you were able for a time to experience some relief from that pain. Now it’s back, because you detransitioned. Well I don’t know what’s right for you only you can answer that question, but let me share a little of my personal experience. I was gaslit from day one there was no knowledge of transgender in the 1950s, not outside the few mental health professionals who knew about us, so everything I was was said to be wrong and that I didn’t know myself, but deep down I knew better. Decades went by and I made some feeble attempts at true self expression and self acceptance, but the gaslighting was just as strong and so repression became my only avenue to relative safety and security. I hid from the world and myself. Eventually after some serious life shattering life altering trauma I snapped out of my “coma” and with much soul searching and research I gradually fully accepted, embraced and loved myself enough to commit to transitioning, because I knew that if I didn’t I was literally going to kill myself. I couldn’t live the shadow existence I had up until that point. It was very hard, but after more than a decade I can honestly say it got easier every day and it was what I needed to be happy and fulfilled. My life isn’t perfect and there are so many things about this body that I wish I could change, but I had to accept at some point that those things were always going to be with me and that actually there was nothing wrong with them. Maybe in the eyes of some others I didn’t meet their standards or expectations of what a woman is supposed to be, but so what I’m not a cisgender woman, I’m a transgender woman and that’s just as natural and normal as being cisgender and I’m fine with that. I hope this makes your day a little easier and the pain a little lighter. Take care, you’re not alone.

[@ws6778]

@@lizsavage1178 What hurts me the most is having that painful dilemma, having to chose between two options that are terrible, I either live my life expressing myself authentically but as if I had a target for harassment constantly aimed at me, or I don't but suffer in silence in a closet that often feels like a coffin. Can I really be happy if I sacrifice my safety to express myself authentically, if I did not I would live with painful regrets, yet if I did, I have no idea on whether or not I would even be alive to have regrets. There have to be more to choosing between "closet" or "coffin".

[@lizsavage1178]

@@ws6778 I agree. What helped me with being able to live authentically was moving first to another part of the country where no one knew me and then eventually moving out of the country. These moves allowed me to not concern myself with others and to pick places that were more accepting of my being transgender. I’m still traveling searching for the best place for me, but my first priority is always, will I be safe there and can I get the healthcare I need while I’m there. I know moving isn’t always an option at first, but it can be something to strive towards.

[@Shalanaya]

​@@lizsavage1178 Thank you for your response, you are very much correct when it comes to emotional pain I go through every day. Your post certainly helped me to consider re-transitioning and I booked my appointment with my gender therapist, it's been 14 years since my detransition when I was 28, I kind of chosen a spiritual path since then to ground my sense of self into nothingness of meditation and out of body experiences, but it is a coping mechanism itself, and leaves me empty inside within this world that I need to exist in physically, I was unable to have any intimate physical relationships with anyone, it all seems fake and inauthentic. Theres such a deep emptiness inside that no partner can fulfill, its just too big for anyone to do it, but myself.

[@SuperduperTgirlJulie]

OMG I think you just awakened my spirit and spirituality

[@Mallory-Malkovich]

I really needed to hear this today. Thanks, Dr Z!

[@miyahollands6136]

Dr Z You keep it real with your advice, so please keep it real with the background! As the Rolling stones once said "I see your white door and I want it painted it black!" If you like black, cover the door with black drapes, or something - these false backgrounds are distracting and aften get confused as to what should be cropped out. I'm not crazy, I have fully excepted that I am transgender and have already made big steps in my social transition and a few minor steps away from initiating my medical transition - Bring it on, I am more happier now than I have ever been. Excepting transition is the answer has kicked my depression to the kerb, which has cured my eating disorder, which was feeding my depression. Sure there's going to be shit days ahead, but a shit day without depression and eating disorder is still a good day in my book!

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you! I had to try it on to realize all that and more. Also thanks for sharing.

[@andreabertozzi8199]

This Is the video i was searching for on KZbin during the last years! Thanks ❤️

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful.

[@nf1477]

Black looks fabulous. It's my best color choice too.

[@lovisakevatdottir8909]

I love your background. You’re also right, the world makes me feel defective. Like there’s something wrong with me. Everyday, with men and women there’s so much debate and transphobia comments. There’s so much…risk of just being the freak walking down the street. Some people think you’re selfish and want attention, that it’s just a trend or phase. For some people it may be, for a lot of us it’s not. It sucks feeling like you’re broken all the time, like you’re not normal because of the values of a given society.

[@DRZPHD]

I am so sorry to hear how you feel.

[@mannymoonstone8486]

I don't think my approach is necessarily healthy but when the world has worn me down I honestly just take a day on the weekend to sit inside. It removes the pressure to "perform" for the world and I can just be me. So it's not really "grounding" but it allows me to recharge to stand back up to the outside pressures. And the background is ok. It would just take a little getting used to. But I love that you love it. :)

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing and thank for backing backdrop. Love your flexibility.

[@erikthalman]

Thanks so much for this, Dr Z! I was assigned male at birth and I'm 3 months into HRT today! I do harbor this secret doubt at times. Your video reminded me where it comes from, and that it ain't me.

[@DRZPHD]

Nope, its the world.

[@Jasper-or7ui]

When my dysphoria gets really bad, I start having all these types of questions come up for me and it doubles the emotional and mental anguish.. I do believe I was fully aware of my gender identity and gender dysphoria when I was young but I had to stuff it down and repress it in order to survive what I was going through.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@cpg8417]

I love the black backdrop. Love the pattern. It offers a calmness . Please keep it. Love this video. I always doubt myself once I’m with friends or family. When I by myself and go out by myself, I feel the woman inside me that’s wants to come out. Been having these feelings for oh so long.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you.

[@fluffyveganunicorn-pp4cg]

Thank you so much for another great video, I'm learning so much ♥

[@DRZPHD]

You are so welcome!

[@BCSchmerker]

+DRZPHD *Thanks for the briefing.* Black to gray curtains may be a to-try; I use gray and goldenrod curtains as backgrounds for select vids.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for your feedback.

[@MyLadyPanda]

I've always felt invisible even before I realized I was trans. So I just kinda keep going with that. The way I deal with it is just being ambivalent? Being meh? I know it's not healthy, but it's how I've always coped with being pushed to the side or being 'othered'. I don't feel like I have a personality or a solid grasp on who I am..Like, I don't have a baseline 'me'. The individuality I did have was beaten (not literally) out of me long ago so I just kinda drift now, interacting with people how I think they want me to interact. I do still feel like I'm losing my marbles, but I've been gaslit most of my life (didn't know what it was until I was much older) so I guess I'm used to it? I don't know how to get back to how I was..or have a 'me' of my own.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear of this. I hope you can start writing or doing some visual board of who you are on the inside. I swear you are there and its not beaten out of you.

[@saskia316]

Black Background works for me, if you like it.

[@DRZPHD]

You are awesome.

[@rheaross1856]

Thank you Dr Z. 🌻❤️

[@DRZPHD]

Welcome!

[@erina03]

I love the black color too but I feel like I focus more on your words with the usual background. The contrast between black and white highlights you and likewise the message comes forcefully to my mind. With the black background I feel like I have to make an effort not to let my mind wander, maybe if the place really were a studio with a black background that wouldn't happen. But usually when using chroma key with a shallow background, everything at the same distance makes it visually lose focus. I really like the aesthetics of the spaces in your other videos, the depth of reality has no comparison with an effect. The combination results in a balanced and harmonious image that perfectly accompanies your messages. But this is just my opinion. Maybe no one else felt that. Always, thank you! And sorry for my bad english.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for your feedback. Very helpful.

[@blackjack90631]

love the textured black background!

[@DRZPHD]

OMG you are the only one so far.

[@blackjack90631]

Haha its true! Although other people bring up good points. Tbh though Im not very good at critiquing or being nitpicky.

[@davefisher1840]

Another very helpful video. Thanks for sharing. I do prefer a lighter background but one you’re using is fine too.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for feedback and glad you enjoyed the video.

[@madamfreed3322]

Video topic on point! Background not so much because everything blends in. I personally needed this vid, thanks.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for feedback. Sounds like from others the background is a no. Ohh well. lol I tried.

[@AlexanderJTurner]

I am not a huge fan of the background but I bet with a bit of tweaking it will work for you. The big issue I see is that the camera is wobbling which becomes super distracting when you are using a grean screen.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for feedback. Sounds like its not ideal for most folks on here.

[@3blackbird]

I love your big necklaces! 💜

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you!!

[@AB_RetroSynth]

The tricky part is pinpointing exactly where you fit in on the transgender spectrum. I was following someone else's path for a long time thinking that I was headed in the same direction, and then realized I didn't quite feel the same. As soon stepped back and took a good look at myself, I came to see my truth and my path. Then I was able to move forward in treatment and exploration, then eventually living my authentic life as to what makes me feel complete. Do what's right for you. There's no one single "correct" way to be trans.

[@DRZPHD]

Perhaps the path is not to pinpoint one at all.

[@emilyramsey9079]

It's a keeper . For decades It seemed like my marbles was trying to slip away because I was not aware why it always felt as if I was a women in a man's body or there was even a term for it and had to constantly tell myself to knock it off and stop being ridiculous your a man just take a peek. When what was ridiculous was how long it took me to stop fooling myself. Once I did that there was no more crazy thoughts running in my head no more asking myself what could possibly make me feel this way. My mind no longer waste time on trying to fix something that wasn't broke so to say. The only choice I had to regret was the choice of denial. Love you Dr.Z I would like to add that I've only lived since 2015 so 7 years since I was aware that I could do anything about this and had an option for change of any kind. And now I look back 7 years was to long that is a regret.

[@DRZPHD]

I am glad you are at a happier place!!! Don't dwell on regrets, what's best is that you are living your life now!

[@sheep1ewe]

Very well said!

[@АлександраГришина-с5р]

Oh dr. Z I came out to my friends that I am (probably might be) genderfluid. They said that gender is a social construct and I push stereotypes and I am gender that I'm born and that's it. They are cool, they're just feminists and we agreed on that it's hard to understand it if you don't expirience that on your own and they love and accept me. But I want still somehow show them that it's not just social construct, it's important part of my identity and when I started realising and recognizing this part I began feeling just so Me... So I want to prove that it's not just made up social thing, it's a part of human identity and it's legit, but I don't even know myself if it's really not just a construct and whether or not it's legit. What could you recommend to do?

[@IAmNumber4000]

The fact that they accused you of “pushing stereotypes” for not conforming to a stereotype is hilarious Sounds like your friends might be on the TERF spectrum and don’t believe that gender is real. Recommend watching the Lily Alexander video on TERFs, or the Contrapoints video on JK Rowling. In short, TERFs think gender and birth sex are the same, which is a reactionary belief disguised as feminism. It is based on a naturalistic fallacy, same as conservatism. And their ideology has some highly anti-feminist implications. It is also irrational to boot: just because something is socially constructed does not mean it doesn’t exist. Language is socially constructed, and yet, it serves a purpose. Everyone performs their gender, including cis people. I would imagine most of these friends buy women’s clothes, wear makeup, use a purse, grow their hair long etc. These are all socially constructed behaviors, stereotypically female, with no inherent connection to biology, and yet your friends still do them. I think it’s worth asking them why they do these things if they don’t have to. And don’t accept the answer “because I was born female”, since these behaviors have no connection whatsoever to being born female, and that is only the answer of someone who doesn’t want to figure out why they do what they do. It is a way of bypassing critical thought. Maybe they don’t want to critically examine their own gender because it would threaten their own idea of themselves as a “feminist”, since they treat feminism as an exclusive club.

[@АлександраГришина-с5р]

@@IAmNumber4000 wow that was such a great answer, thank you so much💙

[@АлександраГришина-с5р]

No what, @IAN 4000 why did you delete that answer?? It was such a great answer, good thing I took a screenshot, but maybe someone with the same problem would find it helpful...

[@IAmNumber4000]

@@АлександраГришина-с5р I didn't delete it, youtube will randomly make comments disappear for no reason

[@АлександраГришина-с5р]

@@IAmNumber4000 wow lol that's kinda weird

[@wayneanderson3063]

Background is interesting....maybe a little bold. Consider getting a $15 green screen for your wall and isolating your camera/laptop/computer from your table to make it more stable. I consult on tech presentation for a living. Your tech looks good but if it distracts from your vitally important content. Thank you so very much for keeping me on center.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you so much for input. Appreciate it.

[@ThatJay283]

i know I'm trans but I keep getting thoughts like this I had repressed dysphoria for my whole life

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry to hear that.

[@k.lambda4948]

ASD. I'm never seen. not for gender. not for my own self. I have genuinely struggled with the question of my existence - as opposed to being a shell around other people's expectations

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear that.

[@Shalanaya]

Me too, it seems like people make assumptions about you, but they never fit, they thought I was gay, I was not, they thought I was pervert, dumb, insane, none of it was true, it's like society can not pigeon-hole you, almost like our body was never supposed to grow in the direction it did, the longer we occupy that body, the more it feels like we're handicapped and completely out of touch with this world, and once it feels like we have to hide that we're a different gender, that might be a sign of gender dysphoria.

[@peterchapman8718]

Hi I'm wondering or ifI'm being silly i do drink lager but if I'm taking estostrom will it just. Me fat as i am seriously starting to snuggly

[@DRZPHD]

Not sure what you mean.

[@ThatJay283]

my friends see me as my gender and use my preferred name. my parents do too but they forget alot

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry about their forgetfulness. IF parents mean well, forgetfulness is often natural as they try to adjust.

[@Christine_Robyn]

I have always wondered why me. Having to deal with being transgender is not something I would have chosen.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing.

[@acsweetham7558]

I've decided to see a gender counsellor, in part because I just don't know if it's gender dysphoria that's making me feel so confused. I don't have a good sense of what gender dysphoria might be, whether that's my problem, but I'm several years into a transition and I'm not feeling good, so I've decided to find out.

[@DRZPHD]

I am sorry to hear about that. If you are in transition and are not feeling good that is definelty something to investigate.

[@kevinr1282]

My world is literally a living hell.

[@marti7343]

Dr. Z, I like the background. I know you like black and personally I feel I look best in it too. But, I think it is too mournful for the average person. Looks like you may have already changed it. While you continue to represent so well my trans journey and I feel so compelled to comment, I sense a need to take a break. Sometimes we can become so obsessed with understanding being trans, having connections, and working out ways to be trans, we spend hours on the Internet that may not be best for us. I think, come on, I should drop everything and focus on being trans and doing the things I need to do to become more comfortable with my transition which means watching as many videos as possible. I think though it may be better to let being trans unfold more easily. It would be good if you could discuss this issue of being so absorbed with understanding and taking steps being trans that you spend hours on the Internet that seem better spent working out a ways to live more normally in you authentic self. Boom! After watching the entire video, I am compelled to make one comment. You say internally questioning yourself is somewhat different then questioning yourself because the "world has yet to create a full space for you." I think however very often these things are related. I continue to question myself and I am not sure this is some kind of deep inability to accept I am trans or it is just my internal transphobia and that the world is playing tricks on me i.e. gaslighting. I most times accept I am trans and have the data to support this. But, doubts creep in. I am six months into transition and hope that as the transition continues the doubt becomes less frequent. I think it will certainly help if the world would find more space for me as a trans person.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for sharing and I am glad you like the background.

[@Vampirebear13]

I liked the black background 🙂

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you.

[@SG-zp4fz]

Me istg haha Ok how I cope and deal with this is, I stopped waiting for people to accept me

[@DRZPHD]

I like that. Accept yourself vs waiting for others.

[@randomnetsurfer]

To me, you are visually "shivering" or "vibrating" against the background. It's hard to watch. I had to minimize the window, and just listen to it.

[@DRZPHD]

Sorry about that and I appreciate your feedback. Glad I asked

[@Scott-ig6nx]

Not a fan of the black background. You blend in too well to the background. For those who are low-vision viewers, you would blend in so well that you become indistinguishable. I make training videos, we require them to be ADA compliant, so it is the first thing I see.

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for feedback! From what others shared it’s also a ‘no’

[@jwenting]

the main reason the background isn't working is because there's a very visible amount of ghosting around you produced by the green screen software. This is in part unavoidable, and greatly enhanced by the fact your clothing and hair match the tone of the background (which is why you'd not see it against a bright coloured background). Aren't we as transwomen wondering how to lose our marbles :) My main fear isn't wondering whether I'm trans (or worse, trans 'enough'), but whether those who have to decide on my future as a transgender person think so (iow the medical professionals doing the official assessment and deciding whether I'll be allowed to start legal and medical transition processes). I've spent long enough pondering the question (over a decade) that I'm no longer in any doubt. That might be an irrational fear, but it's grounded in my paranoia about our national healthcare system and how it's designed to make budget problems go away by withholding treatment.

[@DRZPHD]

Thats a very valid fear and thank you for feedback on backdrop.

[@jwenting]

@@DRZPHD thanks for confirming that it's a valid fear and not my brain playing tricks with me.

[@user-ok8ui3po3v]

Pissing my sides 😂

[@americasariesson1862]

The backdrop ? ...mmmm maybe not enough contrast? I also like black but I’m no expert in decor that’s for sure The world is about sex both your biological and the act of. I don’t see a place for me or us in the cycle of life to be honest. I’ll speak for me - I don’t reproduce and no intimate relationships , meaning romantic. I am very binary and love presenting and expressing myself as male as well as my southern blood line. The weight room grounds me - it makes sense. Leading men/ boys in adult bodies at work - that can be grounding too. Once again as I’ve mentioned before , there’s no solution for what ails me - and I think about it every time I hit the restroom or see a woman I find attractive. The biggest non reflector is watching and listening to women talk about men - when my buddy gets action from a female and I get angry and jealous inside. That’s gaslighting to me - that triggers the I’m not real and on some level they know I’m not fully male. But here’s the rub - I am NOT fully male ...I am a hybrid and always will be. I have to remember to face that very difficult fact. Thanks Doc ! Very interesting video ✌️

[@DRZPHD]

I hear your frustrations and reflections on the world. It is tough.

[@Gadget_2161]

👍🏻

[@mpresto2661]

You disappear into the background and the white outline around you is distracting. A white background works better. I kept expecting someone to walk in the door. Your logo could be black as well, since the smaller type is a bit hard to read on the current color.

[@DRZPHD]

Heee heee can you imagine if I suddenly disappeared! That would be a trip.

[@mpresto2661]

@@DRZPHD can you try a digital white background?

[@Oliviacaptain]

If U weren't wearing black, the background would work really well. However, I couldn't imagine U in anything else... lol I think that a background which was kinda close in hue to whatever necklace U were wearing might work better. I definitely understand the views presented in this video; however, the background really doesn't work for me. Thank U for Ur wisdom!!!

[@DRZPHD]

Thank you for sharing.

[@josephbelisle5792]

I grew up with two narcissistic parents. I have been gaslit my entire life. But i know I am female. I know i am transgender. Right now i am typing this in bed and i'm looking down my chest and my mind is twlling me there should be female breasts on my chest. I was watching a Dr Who episode and thought if I had access to that kind of technology I could fix my body. The world is gaslighting me. Its not fair. I didnt ask to be this. You are mad if you think i chose to be this way. Its just the way I am. As soon as I understood gender and sex in the slightest I knew I was a girl. Its not a question.

[@oyoyoyo7624]

I like the black

[@MsMsmak]

Stylistically speaking...(and I know you didn't ask this) I'm put off by the very high style in the way you present yourself. For me, it's very "camp"; almost like a drag performance, basically a living example of Edna Mode.. I have to turn away from the visual, and just listen.

[@DRZPHD]

No problem. Glad you can just listen to audio.

[@BMindfulofLove]

not keeper

[@joanbrunswick813]

Don't care much for the background.

[@DRZPHD]

Thanks for letting me know.

[@albertfralinger2711]

With all do respect, how is this video not also gaslighting ?

[@gabeajean9221]

Gaslighting is making you question your own experiences and feelings and makes you feel crazy. This video isnt really denying anyone their feelings or perspective. Why do you think this is gaslighting?

[@DRZPHD]

@Albert Fralinger see comment below from @Gabeajean who explained it well.

[@gabeajean9221]

@@bobbyd6040 Can you be more specific here? It sounds like you are talking about biological sex here. The vast majority of trans people do not believe they are the 100% same biologially as the gender they identify with. Outside of that aspect a lot of how we interact with gender in our day to day is largely social. Being a man or woman in a social sense doesnt necessarily oppose or negate the biological reality. Were not doing genital or chromosonal inspections on people we meet. Its fairly irrelevant there. I was born female and if you want to call me a woman I guess you can do it but youd probably look silly if you were to do so in real life since I got a beard and look like a dude and navigate the world as a man.

[@gabeajean9221]

@@bobbyd6040 - I feel like youre not asking this in good faith. But I will try to answer. There are multiple ways to define this: biological, cultural, and social. I'll start with biological. This is often broken up into sub categories by biologists: chromosonal, anatomical, and hormonal. For 90%+ of people all 3 match. There are conditions where one may not match the others. Since I am a trans man, I have the primary characteristics of a woman. Ive never checked my chromosones, so its possible I dont. However, I am on HRT, so I have the hormonal profile of a man. So, technically, you could say I fit some of the boxes there. Social, is the second thing. This is how you interact with people in accordance with my gender. Pre-transition, the way people approached me was based on the idea I was a woman. For example, to be respectful, people would call me m'am or miss pre transition. Im always addressed as sir now. The social customs are seperate from biology. There are cis people who dont "pass" or are mistaken as the opposite sex but once people realize their sex, they are treated accordingly. If someone knows your gender and treats you socially as that gender you are filling that social role regardless of biology. Cultural has a lot of overlap with social, but customs of how we treat each other in accordance with gender will vary between cultures. In fact there are cultures that recognize multiple genders. In Jewish texts theres actually a variety of types of genders talked about. Again, someone can not biologically be a gender but still be treated that way culturally and socially. For me, I for sure fit a mans role socially and culturally, and if you use the hormonal profile to talk about biology, I even could check that box. What makes you a man? Is it your genatalia? If you got into an accident, and lost part of your anatomy, would you cease to be a man? Would you not be a man if you produced extra estrogen in your body? What about if your chromosones turned out to be XX? If you wore a dress, would you cease to be a man? What if someone made a typo on your birth certificate and it said you were female? You seem to spend a lot of time asking trans people to prove their genders, you havent proven yours to me yet.

[@gabeajean9221]

@@bobbyd6040 Where did I assume your faith? The only religious reference was mentioning Jewish texts as an example where a culture has multiple genders. I wrote that much because there isnt a simple defintion, not because Im ignorant.

[@No111-y6n]

You genuinely cannot change your gender. It surprises me how people can be so ridiculous to believe that you actually can. I mean this in the nicest way possible, if you have ant doubts about your gender, go see a health professional. We have to stop normalising this nonsense.

[@DRZPHD]

Hi. With all due respect, people can and do change gender! I think what you refer to is that people can't change cromosomal sex, which is true. A trans woman is still an XY carrier and a trans men is XX. This is a fact none disputes.

[@No111-y6n]

@@DRZPHD Yes thank you for being respectful, my intention wasn't to offend anyone, it's just what I believe in. You can live your life however you want to, it's not anyone's business, however chromosomal sex is what I believe to be gender. But I understand that not many people believe in that.

[@zeenuf00]

grifter

[@jen8441]

one persons gaslight is anothers affirmation depending on whether they agree or disagree with their perception or construct of self , I am waiting for the paradigm shift ",tipping point " where perception of myself meets reality that others see , if that makes sense.. oh sorry i agree black background isn't working , you appear to be glitchy in movement . Love the background though I'm sorry it's not working. I am not techie enough to tell you how to make it work. or even why it isn't ..perhaps one of your other patrons can help with that aspect. thanks for sharing and it is my pleasure as always merci beaucoup Dr Z

[@DRZPHD]

Totally get what you mean by waiting for tipping point. Thats understandable to want to be stealth. I know I am bummed the backdrop is not working, oh well, at least I tried.