Autism And Low Self Esteem - How To Change A Life

[@soccom8341576]

On the longer term, autism remains a huge challenge for many. Even with all the interventions and assistance.

[@kingmasterlord]

we're going to have to make a parallel civilization to the psychopaths.

[@autisticautumn7379]

As a late diagnosed autistic my family just treat me as though I am like them they just don't get it .I have argued and argued with them I am supposed to be like them but I am not !

[@El-ks4ff]

Thank you. I am 58 and just beginning to find my true identity. It’s scary. But, so far, the reactions of everyone I’ve told have surprised me in a positive way. I like the comparison with different fruits. It takes it back to the basis. Yes, we do need much more understanding, openness and communication between autistic and neurotypical people. The comparison with different fruits explains why we need these changes: because it is the environment which decides whether we can thrive and grow or not.

[@grimkitten8254]

gotta remember that we can also get emotionally reactive to literal perspective of what was said even when acknowledging logically that they did not intend what they said as seriously.

[@Shishizurui]

37, had a horrible school experiance basicly in person i just shut off and let crap roll off me that was fine because i could hide myself in games but there was a hole left in me. I basicly feel my workplace is plotting to fire me everyone hates me and i never moved on. i'm never good enough for ME, i'm fustrated with my hobbies i used to draw hardcore for 20+ years but recently i just see no point anymore i come home and just lay in bed there is no fixing self esteem i see myself as the definition of failure, i see no point in working hard i can do all kinds of good in the world but ya know the simplest mistake or a bad conversation causes me to go into isolation

[@ericanonime8691]

I'm 19. I think the video genuinely may change the approach I have to my life from now on. At 06:40, I almost felt as if you went inside of my head. For around 3 years already, I keep suffering from loneliness, disappointment in myself and feeling like an inferior human being because I keep comparing myself to my normal friends and peers in general. And also my parents and sister when they were my age. So far my dream was to get as close to "normal" as possible - self improve, learn to socialize, try finding new friends, maybe go on therapy to improve social skills, work out, try to get on parties to meet new people, etc etc. Besides that, I almost completly lost any enthusiasm for my "special interests" and things that I was genuinely really good at when I was way younger. I enjoyed building with redstone in minecraft, I made some cool projects like a working woodern trebuchet model, and I was genuinely invested in this stuff, it actually interested me. But now, for a few years already, I lost that. I don't enjoy these things anymore. I tried to go back, I tried to feel something, for example I bought a 3D printer 2 years ago but now I barely use it. I feel like I lost all of my creativity, my passion, anything that I could genuinely be proud of and what would actually make me feel as valuable, or even more valuable than others, at least in some one aspect. At the same time when I became a teenager what I wanted shifted, I started to think about what others usually do - having fun with friends, finding a romantic partner, going to parties etc etc. The problem is, I think the entirety of what makes me happy now has shifted - from my personal experience the best moments of my life in the past couple of years were these rare moments where I was drinking with friends, having fun with them etc. But I keep feeling inferior to others, I keep seeing them having more friends, going to more parties, having longer and more fun conversations with others, being generally more liked, finding girlfriends and boyfriends, seeming more "mature" for their age than I do and just achieving more. I have been wondering about it thousands and thousands of times - whether I should choose the approach of this more "social" self improvement, and try to master-out my masking, learn to act in a more likeable way, act less awkward, more approachable, get better and finding new friends etc. Finishing highschool and going to college gave me that hope. That maybe a reset in life will be a great chance to finally find a genuine friend group, maybe finally a girlfriend, generally just fixing all of my insecurities. So far i feel much better than in highschool, at least i talk to my college mates during classes. I went to many different parties and talked to many new people, but so far I made exactly 0 new, who would I call, friends. I just cant make any deeper and more meaningful relations. I know it is possible to improve my social skills, I finally started thinking seriously about going to a therapy. But knowing life, I will never get to this point of "catching up" to my peers. I will improve a bit, meanwhile they will mature a bit, achieve even more things and I will never fully "catch up". Now I started to think after watching this video, is this really the way I want to follow? Maybe I will fail, maybe I will keep feeling inferior if I just keep focusing on trying to "blend in". Maybe I should, somehow, learn to go back to the times frome the past, when I didnt really gave a shit about others and was just genuinely enjoying my passions? I dont know how, this would require me to fully change my mindset. First of all to stop caring about others having more rich social lifes and finding romantic partners, second of all to genuinely start enjoying my hobbies again. One thing that recently I started to get interested in is gym. I've been working out for 2 year but with poor results and without much motivation. But since I moved out to another city for college, I started going to the gym with my 2 friends and also controlling what I eat more since I dont live with my parents anymore so I make my own food. I started enjoying working out, I started getting interested in this topic, how to get the best results, which exercises to do, etc. Second thing that I'm very casually interested in RN are cars, maybe if I somehow get more money in a few years, I would buy my first car and try to make some project out of it? My another idea is somehow getting my interest in enginneering back again. I should start making some cool projects again, especially since I own a 3D printer, and I'm also on engineering faculty, so genuine interest in that topic could massively benefit my future career, for example by getting a summer job in CAD designing, which would look very good in my CV in the future. To do all of this things tho, and be at least content with my life after completing them, I would seriously need to change my attitude. I should stop thinking about finding a group of friends, about being liked and apprieciated, finding a girlfriend. Ofc doesn't mean i'd like to remain alone friendless virgin for the rest of my life, but as you said in the video, trying to compare myself to neurotypicals could only hurt me, being a pointless, endless chase after something that i will never fully achieve and will never make me really happy and satisfied with myself. I dont know what exactly to do now in the long term. I feel lost in my life, and what i actually want now. Might even be an identity crisis. But short term, I'm going to focus on gym, studying so I somehow survive on this very difficult faculty, and maybe start going on a therapy to hopefully change my mindset. Thank you for this video, so far no other video made by autist really felt relatable to me. Most of them were already in a point where they didnt care about what society expected from them, and were more interested in their hobbies. But now finally somebody who said about all the comparing stuff etc.

[@jamesmurray2865]

Thank you for the acknowledgement of how difficult it’s been living life for those of us who are diagnosed very late like me at 42. Not many people notice us.

[@JustinGarfield1]

I tried very hard my whole life and I just learned to laugh at myself. Autistic 43 male. My confidence always crumbles lol. But it got better by inches.

[@thuggie1]

I really love listening to Allan Watts when I am feeling low

[@jeanmilne397]

Thanks Thomas. Sorry to hear you had such a hard time. 👍

[@zionleach3001]

I still have yet to get diagnosed. For 20 years I've been undiagnosed. I paced as a kid, never very social, had stimuli sensitivities. Only a few months ago did I actually start doing research. Some people's other experiences almost describe me to a T.

[@aspiewithattitude3213]

I had been through all this too, you're not alone in this world.

[@santacruiser1]

I'm not in the mood to share right now but I just want to say, hey. Good reaching out for mutual support. EDIT: Oh! this is the first time the "apples and oranges" analogy actually made sense to me!

[@gonnfishy2987]

First phrase/statement. Story of my early life. I’m only still here through incompetence. 😢 😅

[@motoboy6666]

This was fantastic! Beautiful and so clear, thanks!

[@Pjolter365]

Thank you for putting this into words Thomas. It helped me realize that I have struggled so much with self-image, self-confidence, and body shame.

[@sebsignat8286]

It’s been a mix of bullying at school and bullying from my parents. Parents much more than every one else angry that I’m not behaving and acting like “normal” people be it wearing headphones at meal table cuz their chewing bother me when we eat as family to issues getting past initial job interviews to what I say in front of friends and family and others

[@DarkstrifeQueen-v8v]

@@sebsignat8286 I’ve been struggling with this on a daily basis myself. The people I love are so insensitive and controlling to me that I’m almost always punching the mirror in my bathroom because I want them to stop and it really hurts me inside. 😢

[@randomdude8327]

​@@DarkstrifeQueen-v8v Don't hurt yourself please. You are not alone.

[@AmberAmber]

💔I feel you mate. I'm *so sorry* you've had such sadness • & I'm SUPER happy you were able to find a good place & group to finally experience your life with YOU AS YOU cos *You* is 100٪ great imho. XOXOXO

[@simonretallick9800]

❤this. I also had bulimia . Anorexia too. I get you. 😊

[@nathansmith-jk7cz]

I was 24 when I was diagnosed with Asperger's but before that I was diagnosed retarded etc.Struggled with self hate and depression issues

[@NidusFormicarum]

My over-all feeling of self-worth is way higher today than it used to be and the same goes with my basic self-esteem. Yet, I still struggle immensely with anxiety connected to interaction with other people. I don't trust my own judgement when it comes to determining whether what I say and how I behave is appropriate or not and the same goes for my view of what really happened after a collision in a close relationship/friendship - especially since I have a strong feeling that my own judgement differs - and sometimes considerably - from that of most other people so I can't get rid of the feeling that something is seriously wrong with me; yet, I can't do and think like others think because than I am not being genuine and the mask quickly falls too, because I am not very good at trying to play the game (I know that some autistic people are (especially women), which can be both a good and a bad thing). It's one thing to contemplate what other people's viewpoints and ransack myself and see if there is something I can do better - quite another to disagree with them and still not bring able to feel comfortable of being the captain of my own life and feel that my own experience is valid too. They may think that I was being mean, but I may think that they were being disrespectful. Intellectually, I understand that there is no one correct answer, yet emotionally, I have never being able to reconcile with myself. What neorotypical people often don't realise is that this inner struggle is not just about finding an inner balance and stop ruminating; the challenges when it comes to interactions with others are real and won't go away. Accepting myself is a part of it and that is something that I am much better at today - I experience less shame than when I was younger even though shame is still a big issue. But it is more than that. I am a 46 y.o. man and what has helped me a lot is getting involved in the polyamorous community. There are a lot of people thinking outside the box and since they are breaking the norms, I feel that being different is more accepted than in most other contexts. There are too few in-person meet-ups though and I miss the autistic perspective even though there are quiet a lot ADHD and autistic people there. I always am on the look for the deep connections and the deep conversations as well as physical touch and being close to others. Meet-ups with other autistic people are rare here. Don't know were to find more. Also, the meetings I have attended have not always been that positive; we have had different expectations and and goals. Autistic friends have been difficult to find too and most of them have quickly judged me and rejected me (black and white thinking) or there have been big collisions ending the friendships.

[@DantheJamaican]

Great video. Very true about comparing and not being accepted. I've recently decided that I only want to have autism mates going forward who understand and respect me.

[@stevenrudolph1635]

Great video and very relatable.

[@latenightgroove]

i tried to find an autistic community but telling antisocial people to meet other antisocial people to socialize is rather futile. although it made me feel a little accepted in those groups online the interaction and communication quickly broke down due to both sides. and i don't see it as the most effective way when i bash myself for every 'wrong' word i say to go out and talk to people.

[@thetickedoffpianoplayer4193]

You are amazing. Thank you so much. I'm having a bad day. I need some positivity in my life right now.

[@delphoeneevenhuis5199]

Let's just say I am yet to meet a fellow autistic person, online or off who doesn't make me want to throw up my hands & declare, "This is why we can't have nice things! " I realise people probably say the same of me but what can you do?

[@luiscarrascopineda]

You got it man, dope vid!

[@karenterrell8843]

Than you for sharing. Helpful video.

[@DavidStover-u6q]

Maybe i also have OCD.

[@amayatheperson1074]

❤️❤️❤️

[@zynark777]

I am an autist with a particular affinity for rage I guess. Which is why so many autist support groups seem to be not my type. Are there non-woke autist support and awareness groups? I want a group without woke buzz words because those words give me sensory overload, so to speak.

[@ThomasHenley]

Well I definitely wouldn’t ascribe myself to any particular group other than Autism to be honest. Listening to a wide range of opinions and sides has been very helpful for me.

[@tnix80]

You raise an interesting point. I'm the last person you'd expect to end up on the progressive stack. It's pretty damn funny actually.

[@NidusFormicarum]

Yeah, I have found my place in the polyamorous community and there is a huge leaning towards the far left and radical feminism unfortunately. I would never take part in Palestina protests, for example. Still, it's the best place I have found when it comes to being able to be myself without being judged - better than in the online autistic community. When it comes to relationships my view is unorthodox even among polyamorous people. It's part of being autistic for me that I just can't subscribe to the societal norms and I don't understand the traditional views on dating, sex and relationships. It's all confusing and makes no sense to me.

[@DavidStover-u6q]

I'm an aspie.

[@nathantherandomguy1935]

What autistic community, i'm autistic and I want to be part of it.

[@HighlyCaffeinated-g8o]

Join the autism subreddit

[@wildwooddreamer2234]

How do you find an online Autistic Community online? I'm in my mid 60s and was only diagnosed as Autistic at age 58 after a miserable life full on bullying - liked your use of the word cursed by the way - that's exactly how I used to feel. There is no support for Adults with Autism in Suffolk so how do you go about finding a community? Examples of websites would be useful. I don't do social media such as Facebook or Instagram. Thanks in advance.

[@rhyhood9328]

intro makes you sound very self pitying