Autistic struggles with friendship

[@marekceglowski6574]

One thing that I notice is that I tend to feel more comfortable in groups where I am somehow markedly different from everyone. For example, being around people much older than me or much younger than me. Or being around people from a different culture. I think the reason for this is because it's already obvious that I am different, so any "strange" behavior is just associated to that. But when I am around people "like me", then I feel uncomfortable and left out because it feels like there is an expectation for me to think and behave like everyone in the group. If I do anything out of the ordinary, then it's much more noticeable and looked at as strange. I'm learning to feel more okay with feeling like an outsider everywhere I go and trying to acknowledge and remind myself that it actually has some benefit for me. I'd rather be welcomed in as a outsider than welcomed in as "one of the group" and then have to live up to the standards of behaving like everyone else in the group.

[@calebivey1776]

Your last sentence is definitely an uncommon perspective and is pretty legit.

[@belorama8]

I have definitely experienced this and gravitated towards it! I'm kind of notorious in my family for having friends who are decades, older or younger than me. I was one of two white kids who attended my high school and I had such a positive experience with my classmates in comparison to previous schools that were less diverse. Nobody was being covert and passive aggressive because I was "weird". I got teased for my nerdy white girl's interests a bit, but It wasn't mean, and that kind of lite teasing was pretty universal in that school. I never felt actually judged or like I was missing something. I'm a woman who works in a male dominated group setting and it is so much easier for me in some ways than a female dominated setting. This is *not* a pick me thing. I *swear* *to* *God* . I don't care about male attention. Women just tend to expect things from me socially that I don't know about or have a hard time with. Men just tend to assume that I'm different because I'm a woman.

[@nonamelegend_vapor]

I feel this so much, and this is kinda what makes me leery about engaging with irl and/or online autistic communities, fair or not, especially those centered around a common interest. Just because we're all autistic doesn't mean we are all reflexively understanding and charitable towards one another, or that there wouldn't be an element of groupthink. Perhaps the fact that we all have autism in common would create expectations Edited because I left out the word "online"lol

[@nonamelegend_vapor]

​@@calebivey1776for real though! Me personally, I think this is why I lurk in and sniff around so many groups/communities but rarely immerse myself in the actual "community" aspect

[@user95395]

yes, it is easier to get along with people i'm not competing with as much too. It seems that's what it comes down to, 5:41 the more you are around people that are stereotypically "like you" the more social pressure and competition is there. When i do smth weird, people non in my in group can just say "oh that must be how white people are." lol it's like i experience more prejudice from straight white men than anyone else, when that should be the group I vibe with the most.

[@charlottekingsbury-fink]

I just cried through this video😭😭😭I'm 45 with zero friends, and have a history of having only bullies as friends too. My new therapist is going to try and connect me with an autistic community. Thank you for making these videos- they make me not feel so alone! ❤❤❤

[@MDWLRK7]

I’m 38. I feel you! ❤ We can find each other in the comments in every video and I’ll be your KZbin friend!

[@terenceoneill4905]

oh, i'm sorry to hear that. it really moves me. i am also in my 40s and went through hell undiagnosed and being treated terribly by neurotypicals. i'm trying to meet others like me too. you are absolutely not alone, and i hope you make some great friends. best wishes.

[@nashvillainz]

43 here. Diagnosed last year. I left my last life and people behind and now really struggling to make friends. I hope we can all be friends. ❤

[@rays7805]

*hug* (if you want the hug)

[@merbst]

I'm 42½, I had friends many times before now, but not lately.

[@TheWaldHaven.]

" my mum says she thinks you are a lovely person and keep shinning your light. The world needs more people like you. " from my Mother

[@user-gs8sv1sd3y]

You’re a sweetie pie. Your honestly will help many other people. You are so insightful. You would be a wonderful teacher or counselor for Autistic youth. My niece has Autism and she struggles and your struggles are so similar. Thank you. Good luck. You deserve it all.

[@xerezcamila]

That's so nice!!

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

You don’t need to take a spotlight or anything to stand out as a great person. If you do your thing. In the background, at your own pace, you will be great, your way.

[@Ar13888]

Not realizing that your friends are actually bullies… That happened to me a lot in high school and even elementary school too!

[@gio.aprile]

Pretty sure my best friend is also autistic, and honestly, I’ve never had a friend like her before. We can just be ourselves and I don’t mask at all. She feels like a sister, and really the only friend I’ve ever been able to say that about and we’re 29!! We just became friends only a couple years ago. You will find your people or your person, I promise. We aren’t broken. She’s just like me, sometimes we don’t talk for 2 weeks, it doesn’t mean anything to our friendship! We just get it. ❤️

[@1969kellyp]

I am the same I only had one best friend. We were friends for 34 years until she died at 45 years old. No one can ever replace her. Cherish the one you have 😊

[@Jesswithponies]

Other ND friends are the best!! Most of my friends are ND

[@Antimortem]

❤

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

I can relate so much to not talking to my friends for weeks (once even a month), but when we initiate contact again it’s so much fun.

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

@@1969kellypI’m sorry for your loss. I guess good people often die young.

[@fakedeath13]

Realizing most if not all of my friends were huge bullies to me was one of the worst parts of my journey

[@emilinebee6280]

It does get less manipulative than high school with age, but also harder to make friends.

[@RedRuneblade_Alt]

Really? I feel like because of societal standards it's way more manipulative now because people have practiced. A boss can be cleverly sociable but abusive to employees and even their management behaves the same so it's completely acceptable for their workplace and even HR won't mind telling someone that if they're sick this year they should know in advance, request that time and if denied they're not allowed to call out. It's scary what the world is like

[@tbcstuff3634]

@@RedRuneblade_Alt I agree, manipulation only gets to higher levels of proffiency as you get older.

[@RedRuneblade_Alt]

@@tbcstuff3634 sad but true... Pretty scary. I think being neurodivergent makes it easier to pick up when someone is not actually a nice person. Or past experiences, other both lol. But sure seems like once you can tell, they notice the manipulative behavior isn't working on you and it's like an excuse for them to display abusive behavior when others who wouldn't approve aren't present

[@ar.a5393]

...The manipulation can be more sophisticated with the more experienced abusers as well as those with more formal education. They are no more harder to spot however so long as you use ur eyes and remember 'actions speak louder than words'...👀

[@viinisaari]

@@RedRuneblade_Alt I feel that is more about people having tangible power over you than manipulation becoming more advanced as you age. People in general are less manipulative now than they were in high school.

[@strangesocks]

I read somewhere once that friendships are like bunches of flowers, all the tulips together, all the daisies together and people with autism are the bees visiting them all, taking time to enjoy them but having to bumble around to the next one. That idea has stuck with me and feels comforting... i don't know if it is but it feels it.

[@marvala4508]

I never comment under youtube comments, but this one really gave me happiness. I am autistic and my name means "bee" and thats all I did in my life... getting to know "friends", nurturing and enjoying them, until they no longer needed my bee-nurturing and left me / I left them and moved to the next flower / friendship. I always took it so personal that I coud never keep friends, that I would care for them but had to move on over and over again. flying to the next friends. I would rather "keep" friends. but this comment makes me realize, maybe I have to be a bee and see friends as flowers lol thank you for that realization :-)

[@strangesocks]

@@marvala4508 when I heard it I had a little cry because it was too real to my life experience. Hasn't made letting people go easier but it changes the way I think back on it. Glad the perspective got to you xxx

[@witchyrabbit7331]

I... actually hate that haha. I want to be a part of a group too

[@strangesocks]

@witchyrabbit7331 hey, its not a perfect analogy - but bees have hives so there's a group too.

[@samsmusichub]

I hope Morgan finds that great honest friend she deserves!

[@scenepunk09]

Yes, a good friend whose got her back too and will let her know when they notice red flags in other people.

[@jopgaard]

This describes my friendships or lack there of 100%. I have lived almost 59 years without what I would describe as a best friend. It has been a lifelong struggle. Every time I think I’m making a friend either I push too hard and chase the person away or they push me away. Meeting people is impossible when you don’t want to go to the usual social things such as bars or parties. Recently I have started volunteering but even then I am the outsider of the group and find just interacting difficult. Morgan, you have once again described what being autistic is like so well! Thanks! Keep making content on KZbin!

[@MDWLRK7]

I get this so much.

[@theshadypersonify]

I am willing to be friends with you

[@RedRuneblade_Alt]

​@@theshadypersonifyidk.. That offer sounds a bit shady.. (because of your name) My jokes don't hit irl either lol, only works if you're charismatic 🤷

[@x3AnimeFanXD]

I've been working for 3 months now and I still haven't made any friends at the workplace because I DON'T like talking! I'm always in my lil' corner working alone listening to music on my headphones at all times. If I socialize and try to interact with people then my mask activates creating this struggle to form sentences while doing eyecontact. It's very draining to the point of me collapsing at home after my shift is over (and partially on the busride home makign me miss my bus stop on multiple occasions). I value my free time and if I have to form social connections then I sacrifice my free time for sleep. It sucks. I'm glad I'm working in an environment that accomodates for me at the cost of working under minimum wage. Ngl growing up with internet was the saving grace for me when it comes to my friendships that I still have. It eliminates most of my problems with talking to people and I'm so very thankful for it.

[@K-tw4wb]

I'm in you shoes but it's been way longer for me at almost 2 years. I would recommend pushing yoursellf to socialize even in small ways, because after a while, I feel like I am not making any personal progress and nobody here cares about me

[@RhymeandRamblings]

This sounds like a trauma response, like you’re dissociating. When do you first remember “having a mask activate” while talking to people? If it was a traumatic moment, this could explain the extreme fear response: your brain is trying to protect you from perceived danger. Either way I highly recommend hypnotherapy.

[@jimwilliams3816]

I’m on the other end of that time arc. The internet didn’t exist until almost middle age for me, but now in my 60s I am grateful for it in the same way.

[@pleasepleasethebees]

In my 40s now. You hit some really key points that I absolutely identify with. Particularly, bullies, and not being able to/wanting to maintain friendships from a distance. So interesting! At this point, I really work on building a sense of contentment and enjoyment of being alone. I embrace the power of parasocial relationships. I join in with book clubs and volunteer opportunities, but I don't put any pressure on trying to turn acquaintances into close friends anymore. It's enough that we enjoy each other's company at scheduled activities. I consider my "third places" as social outlets, even if I don't talk to anyone there. (Cafe, library, gym) If being an "outsider" is my destiny as an autistic person, then I'm going to embrace that status and enjoy it... and I do. Funnily enough, I've always loved stories and movies about castaways and mountain men - people out there on their own, just surviving and maybe even thriving. It's not always easy, but the alternative is making myself miserable trying to "fit in" and I just don't have the energy for that anymore.

[@tracybartels7535]

Yes, I almost don't want to try to make friends because it was so traumatic for so long. But I do enjoy being alone and have absolutely embraced the parasocial. Every day I took my kids to preschool and couldn't make friends I used to cry, every Sunday I couldn't break through the surface chit-chat, every time I saw people everywhere getting closer and shutting me out, that was the worst. I'm not 100% sure why I can't do it (nor can I afford to find out), but I can't, and I have kids so I can't risk the mental health implications of trying any more. I do like my kids, and 2 of them are like me, which is hard for them.

[@snc_luv]

OMG THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I'VE BEEN FEELING LATELY!!!!! Towards the end when u talk about not liking to socialize but needing it so badly and how draining it is, I get that soooooooooo much and one of my friends just doesn't get it. I have an autistic friend and a non autistic friend and I definitely relate and get along with and argue less with my autistic friend. But I hate socializing, because like u, if ur close to me I also can be easily manipulated and gaslighted, like I realized that my own mom has been manipulating me for years but I still fall for it every time, like I know she's doing it, but somehow I still fall for it. I also don't like socializing, it is really draining, even in therapy, like I'll get back from therapy and be so drained and just lay in my bed and not want to get out for at least a few weeks. And like I want more friends, but I don't know how to get them and don't want to put in the work to get them, but I do want them.

[@jarmoliebrand2005]

Also very relatable to me. I do want to meet new people. I have three close friends and judging by the comment section, that’s way above average. The thing is, when moving into a new environment, I have no one. Two of my friends, I knew from high school. I graduated high school last year. Tried uni last year and got drained from planning and failed attempts at socialising and relating to people. And I want to have someone who can be a steady friend for me in a new environment, but I don’t know how to chase after that. All of my friends either initiated contact themselves, or were paired with me by a teacher. I just don’t approach people. That goes so far against my own nature. I can only get social energy from being with friends, maybe close family, in a familiar space. Otherwise I will get drained. As for psychologist and coaching appointments, I do get drained near the tail end of them. And when I get home, I do not have the energy to talk about them right away. I need recharge time.

[@snc_luv]

@@jarmoliebrand2005 I can also relate to most of that. All my friends are online and I also get drained from therapy or something simple like shopping.

[@kaylaroseharwood2810]

This describes every friendship i have had, I thought it was just me.

[@nussknacker9827]

Same, but I also thought there must be a person in this world who thinks and feels like me.

[@kaylaroseharwood2810]

Same I hope I find someone like that

[@ELl_e..3]

Knowing where you struggle and thinking you have limitations to be a good best friend is so insightful. However, on the flipside, a good best friend accepts you for who you are, and since you see that in yourself, you would probably be very accepting of someone else who has the same struggles. No friendship whether neurodivergent or not, is void of miscommunications, misunderstandings, hardships, inequalities etc.

[@sammumoo8186]

When you mentioned how it's hard to tell whether your friends are your friends or bullies, it reminded me of my childhood-teenage friends. There was a guy in our group of friends, and he would always get teased. I would always say something because I didn't like how they would bully him. But they were always joking. One day, one of them said to me "Ximo (this guy that they teased) is sick of you protecting him whenever we tease him. He thinks you're in love with him and said you're disgusting." So there's a lot to unpack there. I never had any romantic feelings towards him, I just had difficulties registering the teasing as sarcasm, and would always say things like, come on, guys, stop saying that, or, don't listen to them. It's also the fact that my friend told me this to hurt me. He always did homophobic sh*t (I'm transgender male to female and bisexual, at the time I wasn't out as either, but everyone could tell I was queer) to me, and when I'd confront him about it, he mentioned his gay uncles... Also: this very same friend was my childhood best friend. Up until first year of secondary, he was my best friend throughout most of primary. When we started secondary, he started to completely ignore my existence. He then became the leader of the friend group, and would always find ways (like what I wrote earlier) to make me feel upset. In one class he pretended like he wanted to kiss me in front of the entire class, just to laugh at me and ridicule me. I learned of how they had a WhatsApp group where everyone was in except for me. I think it's for two reasons: as you mentioned, I must have been for them a "surface level friend", because no one in the group had thought of inviting me, which hurt a lot, because I considered all of them to be my friends. But it was also because this guy was intentionally leaving me out. I then told one friend to ask to let me in, which I hated to do, because I didn't want to "beg" them to join their group from which they had already excluded me. We were 17-18 at the time as well, like how childish can they be. So this guy said they should vote on it. Everyone said yes, to let me in. But this guy said no. And since he had this weird dynamic over everyone, I ended up not being added. After that I decided not to hang out with them ever, to cut them from my life, because I had other friends that I had healthy relationships with. Then last year I met with them and when this toxic guy showed up, I felt this terrible pain in my chest. He gives me terrible anxiety. And then while we were texting one day, he suddenly said he "apologises in case he had at some point not been able to empathise with me", which is the closest I will ever get to getting an actual apology from him, since that was not one. But these issues really create trauma, other than being autistic and it making it hard to navigate through relationships, there's also these people who like to complicate things. I'm quite sociable and love making friends, but I can definitely tell how my autism impacts this part of my life. Learning more about it helps, so thank you for creating this video ❤

[@dreamscape405]

I'm super late diagnosed woman at age 50, and really relate to this!! Especially the part about being easily manipulated. People look at you like you're crazy, because you "should be able to tell by now", since you're so "old", and should've known better. Yes, I've learned a Lot about manipulation, so I know when it's happening, but it STILL gets me. However, I recently met 2 other ND in a special interest group, so that gave me hope❤ I also literally speak it out into the energetic universe on a regular basis, on what I want/need to have in friends, and the manifestation of that was almost instant. Ask, and you WILL receive. Thank you SO much for your work here...it feels really good to be so validated ❤❤❤🥂💃

[@enkaylovespizza]

YOU SPOKE TO MY SOUL

[@ellaboobella8770]

I’m so happy when your videos get posted. I’m way older than you, and sadly most neurotypical women become quite cliquish and keep to their usual circle of friends when they get older… and the subject always comes up about why I’m my age and yet have no friends. That alone ends it right there. The last time I tried to be friends with someone we were in her car and she said… “It’s a good thing we’re not roommates, because I’d smother you in your sleep.” So, it’s good that my special interest involves animals, primarily wildlife.

[@Catlily5]

That's a horrible thing to tell someone. I am sorry that happened. People can be so mean.

[@paleobc65]

In my senior year the group of friends I thought I was close with wrote really short sentences in my yearbook. When they graduated (the other 3 in the group were younger than me) I found out they all wrote really long paragraphs in eachothers yearbooks instead of mine. It was a heart wrenching moment because I thought I finally found a group of friends.

[@junkie2100]

yea friendships are difficult, i basically have one friend, and even that friendship is not what people would normally call a friendship. we chat on the internet mostly, sometimes go for weeks or months without talking, saw him the other day for the first time in years, i have had close relationships with people but its not always the case and as stated often times it can be problematic if their intentions arent 100% good

[@sammumoo8186]

I have this friend that I met on October, and ever since, I have grown more fond of him. I feel like I've fallen in love with him, but I also feel like it wouldn't work out, so I won't tell him what I feel for him. But what amazes me is that I haven't experienced any romantic feelings since 2018 right up until a few weeks ago. After episodes of insomnia and depression, as well as having several autistic meltdowns on a daily basis, I felt like I had completely lost myself. But this person has made me happier and more confident, and so have other friends. I'm so grateful, I feel like they have helped me in recovering pieces of myself that I had lost. I grew up in a very toxic friend group. I thought I would always be destined to be alone, have short-lasted friendships and slowly lose everyone in my life. I feel like for most allistic people, maintaining a friendship is something that's automatic. For me it's excruciatingly hard. I overthink everything or I'm completely oblivious about things. I am a very passionate person towards the people I love and I don't want to lose them. I don't want to lose the happiness it brings me to be with those people. So whatever happens with this new friend, I really hope we stay in each others' lives.

[@HannahLewisVocalist]

Dang same here!! Every time Ive had feelings for someone after a while knowing them, i go into overload and I just know that I love them. Having never confessed to any of them cos I'm deeply socially awkward, I've realised in the end they were never meant to be. Too many differences, they changed who they were for someone else, or they've just disappeared from my life. Actually the last guy something did actually happen but luckily it didn't last long for 'reasons' but he was a jerk anyway so just as well. I'm more worried about the capacity to make friends so it'll be impossible to make a romantic relationship last, let alone find a guy in the first place 😅 I'm 28.

[@sharpieman2035]

I’m not sure this means you should tell them - but I felt this way about one of my friends and a few years in I finally told them. They just told me straight up that they didn’t feel the same way, but that I’m a great person and that they know someday I’ll find someone. We are still really good friends now, she is probably my best friend. I think not a lot of people would have this type of response though, and it can still be hard sometimes for me to remember that we won’t be together.

[@sharpieman2035]

@@sammumoo8186 That’s quite a journey! Glad you were able to tell him at least, I know not doing so weighed on me quite a bit. You made it through and hopefully one of them down the line will work out!

[@galois6569]

I relate to so much of this. Fortunately I have friends I see regularly because of work, but I struggle to make those friendships deeper, especially when socializing takes so much energy.

[@amybaker5304]

Thank You for sharing this. My 10 yr old autistic daughter is massively struggling with friendships. I’m going to show her she’s not alone. You’re so brave xx

[@svensnus]

Damn you really got me with the "I'm easily manipulated if you're close to me, bc I believe you"... I low key realized that last week and now that you describe it, it hits.

[@calebivey1776]

Dang how could anyone be mean to you? You're the sweetest girl! You are not alone. Idk what a healthy friendship is yet either. Hopefully nobody else bullies you. I don't like when people bully each other and are mean to each other.

[@WaterMan416]

In my own experience, the nicest people are low hanging fruit for bullies. They don't like push back. I've seen it happen and I've been the victim of it myself. And, at least until we get older and wiser, we aren't very good at defending ourselves. I don't know if we go along with it because of a desire to belong, but it definitely starts as not realizing we're being bullied, at least for some of us. Maybe it is a sunk cost fallacy. I've definitely associated with people who bullied me longer than I should have, for whatever reason.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@WaterMan416 yes, the thing about bullying is it is mostly reflective of the issues of the bullies. Who gets picked on has mostly to do with who is perceived as vulnerable or as being an “other.” The most heartbreaking thing is that so many people who are bullied internalize it as a sign of deficiencies in themselves, and that really isn’t the reason for it. I got very into Robert Sapolsky, who taught a course on Human Behavioral Biology, and also studied baboons in the wild for many years. He describes the tendencies primates (including humans) have toward tribal behavior. A tribal outlook involves two things: establishing a hierarchy within your tribe (who outranks who), and also an awareness of who is in your tribe...and who isn’t. Not all humans focus on these traits- autistic people tend to be nonhierarchical, and I don’t think it’s just because we often aren’t socially successful, it’s more that hierarchy doesn’t resonate or make sense to many of us. We do want to be liked and be part of something, but generally not in a competitive way. The good news: Sapolsky states that, in fact, the happiest members of a baboon tribe are not the high ranking individuals - their lives are actually very stressful, because they must constantly defend their rank, and will eventually lose it. The least stressed individuals are actually the ones who have no rank, and rather than striving to achieve it, keep a low profile and develop relationships with others who fall below the radar. They can live a far more peaceful and supported life. That strikes me as what a lot of autistic people end up doing, and it’s validating to think this is in fact a winning strategy.

[@ruckly1241]

I love "Muppet's Christmas Carol". It's my favorite Christmas Carol and my favorite Muppets. But there is one line that has always been a sore spot for me. At the end (spoilers), during the "yay, Scrooge is good now" song, there's the line: "And if you want to know, the measure of a man, you simply count his friends." Growing up as a kid with pretty much no friends, that hurt. Heck, as an adult with pretty much no friends, it still stings a bit.

[@pleasepleasethebees]

...but but but - some people have a lot of friends, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're good people. (Cult leaders for example) This is a false narrative and I think you're safe to let it go. Catchy idea for the end of a show, but not a way to measure the value of a human being. In d&d the characters are assigned values: strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, charisma. A character can score low in charisma, but high in other things and that's ok - even important to round out a d&d adventuring party. Anyway, alls I'm trying to say is, if we autistics are low in charisma, we make up for it with our intelligence and wisdom (special interests!) We're often highly compassionate and helpful people as well.

[@FlamingCockatiel]

@@pleasepleasethebees You are right, but I think your view is in the minority.

[@melekkocak365]

04:33 this is sooo relatable i dont always know when people are being nice to me or if theyre using me also thanks for making this❤

[@zreyon]

The part about a group where everyone is closer with each other and you're just there resonated so much with me. I recently had a person tell me "you don't consider us your friends", and it felt weird. Because I don't consider them "not my friends", but it made me realize they think I do. So it explains the whole experience of me being comfortable with them, since all relations are surface level / casual at that point, then starting to feel left out because I don't develop deeper connections with them, and that snowballing into not being considered when making plans. But then they'll say they're happy I could join them for some plan, and I feel I'm just sent to the starting line again, only to repeat the loop. Love your videos. I don't think I'm necessarily autistic (although there's some neurodivergence definitely going on in here), and they help me see some of my experiences through a different lens and put it into words. I'm all here for your autistic confessions!

[@babsbunny_]

When I realized my mom and sister weren’t being good friends to me and told them they started treating me even worse. Now I don’t talk to them and they were my only friends. P.s. the two different paint swatches remaining on your wall is oddly comforting

[@judas611]

Hello stranger on the internet. What are you doing to compensate for this happening to your life?

[@babsbunny_]

@@judas611 I am focusing on what I have around me and enjoying those things instead. It’s hard to always remain focused on the good and not dwelling but I’ve been admittedly happier. Thanks for asking!

[@mattw-cx50]

Life is hard enough without being technically on the spectrum. I can barely imagine how much harder it is when you are. You do an excellent job giving me an idea though. You are a good person and you're smart and interesting and beautiful and so self aware. You deserve some really good close friends and I believe you will find some because I know they're out there.

[@accordingtohannah]

5:30 This section broke my whole heart man.. The worst part is when you actually start to buy into it being your fault somehow😔 I don't have friends rn outside of my bf who is extremely straightforward + says exactly what he thinks/feels. I think its why i instantly felt safe around him; he never says anything in order for me to like him. Even if it may hurt my feelings in the moment, he is never rude, but knows how important his transparency is to me, bc adhd/autism + history of being used in girl circles 😮‍💨 P.s. SO extremely proud of you for the self love you show in yourself by realizing your worth by waiting for people who love you for you, exactly the way you are, being Morgan♡

[@AdonisGaming93]

You just explained most of how i felt growing up in a single video.... love your content. You are helping someone that is slowly discovering that he might be autistic, and for that I thank you!

[@beccasedibleart8722]

Thank you for being open about this. I know it was hard for you. This 100% describes the struggles I've had my entire life. Recently I've tried explaining to my closer friends my struggles with making friends, but I've never really been able to get my point across. They see that I'm social and have people to hang out with at times, and so think these are true friends. The truth is that I'm masking so highly, and holding myself back, so I never really get close with people, despite wanting to. It doesn't help that if I unmask, people usually run

[@rebellejacobs777]

I have autism and I'd love to be your friend 💕 I relate to most everything you said , its so hard for me to make friends, my thing is making work friends into real friends, I always misread people 😢

[@daltonbartlett6584]

As someone with developmental dyspraxia, I struggled making friends all the way up until 7th grade. I am a twin and my sisters friends were the only people who would be cool with me. In that time, I spent learning a lot about my passion in football and in 7th grade, people found out and I became popular almost overnight. A lot of people who once would make jokes about me or pay no attention to me ended up being the ones that looked out for me more than anyone. This did wonders for me even once I graduated from high school and moved to college out of state and I made friends just being myself and I am an extremely social person now. I count my blessings that I got lucky and I am sorry to hear about your struggles but I appreciate you sharing them.

[@kileyodonnell9823]

Hi Morgan! Thank you so much for sharing! I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen and understood. This is exactly how I’ve felt my entire life. I’m 24 years old with exactly zero friends and it’s so hard! I’m not diagnosed but pretty positive I have autism based on things I’ve heard and experienced and other diagnoses, and trying to figure how to be diagnosed is so difficult. I started watching you through shorts and you have helped me understand my self so much more.

[@jimwilliams3816]

You are definitely not alone. I’m male and in my sixties and my friend situation is dire. Partly due to social anxiety that has grown paralyzing over decades, and this has a lot to do with what you described, an inability to tell what I should or shouldn’t say to someone. And yes, I have no capacity to tell if someone is a friend or acquaintance, except in my case I generally default to assuming acquaintance in all situations. This has to do with my inability to understand why anyone would care if they ever saw me again or not - a combination of connection issues and what an ADHD KZbinr describes as object permanence issues applied to people, out of sight out of mind. It was easier to have friends when I was in public school, because we were in proximity by default. My first friend was a childhood playmate that was an arranged thing, as you describe, not surprising at preschool age. From there I became a serial monogamist in primary school, one friend at a time, and we would hang out together, but one on one, not in a group. I never liked social groups, partly because it was too many elements to navigate, and partly because boys at least can be jerks in groups. I have followed enough autistic women Vloggers now to realize that sadly, girls can be too. It may even be worse, which has been a revelation for me, as I’ve had pretty serious gender self hate most of my life. I never planned the monogamy, but looking back, I think I could almost offer this as a tip: one on one may be more workable for people on the spectrum. The down side is that when I lose a friend, it’s a bigger deal, more like a marriage breaking up. And having few friends makes me more vulnerable to serious isolation and lack of support. Which is why I’m a KZbin oversharer, trying to get the human connection I don’t get in real life anymore.

[@RhymeandRamblings]

Are you artistic? I ask because I wonder if most artistic people are like this and if it’s a blessing in disguise because we end up with much more time to be creative than neurotypical people.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@RhymeandRambling Yes, I suppose I am. I spent a whole lot of time as a kid, in my room, drawing. I don’t think I was ever that talented, but I did it a lot, and so got tolerable. Being able to draw masked some other things; I was not as much of an outsider in school as I would have been otherwise, though I could tell the difference between people liking my drawings and liking me. And it gave me a vocation that involved showing a portfolio rather than doing job interviews. I used to joke that I became a commercial artist because I was otherwise unemployable, but in retrospect it wasn’t much of a joke. (The only thing my academic history was ever good for was supporting my ADHD diagnosis. No risk of “you can’t have ADHD, you did too well in school.”) Drawing did run in the family on my father’s side, which is the most suspiciously autistic side. My father was almost certainly autistic. My grandfather might have been. My great grandfather died before I was born, but based on what I know he could have been. Are you artistic as well?

[@RhymeandRamblings]

@@jimwilliams3816 Yes I am as well. Your comment helped me make that connection between friend struggles and artistic talent. It’s something I’ve thought of in the past but haven’t fully embraced until recently. I’ve always thought I should have more friends so I haven’t invested in the solitude needed to pursue my art. For me it’s creative writing. I think making this connection will help a lot, embracing monogamous friendship as you succinctly put it. That’s great you’ve been able to be a commercial artist and interesting about how the talent ran through autistic family members.

[@RosemaryWilliams49fruits]

The having no energy for socializing after working and trying to take care of oneself is so real. The struggle to make friends where one feels connected and close to the other people in the group is so hard. As a little kid, other kids noticed I was easy to annoy, manipulate, gaslight etc and it happened often. As a teenager in high school I had a few friend groups, but I always felt like an awkward different person in all of them, though I did have one really close friendship for a couple years that made things better. As a teen and young adult in my 20's outside of high school, I began to really recognize how lonely and friendless I felt. I had people being really kind to me, going out of their way to invite me to things and include me and not be mean to me but actually be kind and share stories and knowledge together, but I felt like it was hard to connect to people, even when I was actively trying to be easier to get along with/more palatable. I'm not officially diagnosed, I just kind of stumbled on it and felt like it made sense, but before that I thought that my personality was just unique and I'd fit in better if I moved to Japan. I was wrong mostly, but living abroad and not at home made me have to face the reality I knew as a teen, which is that it's extremely hard for me to function at daily life outside of academics, and friendship/socializing is something I struggle to have the time and energy for, even though I'd love to have it. I've also been learning to assert that I need time alone and to stick up for myself in my relationship, which has been really hard, but I recognize now that when with people who value you as a person, stating boundaries and otherwise being willing to communicate needs makes the relationship better and stronger in the long run. I highly encourage you to do this, especially at the start of friendships. It doesn't have to be confrontational or mean, but expressing what you need or care about allistic people actually do like it and it can make the relationship better. It can be hard to voice it in a good way, but practicing gently but firmly letting people know if something bothers you, or diffusing it by saying it as a joke, can really make things better.

[@jordanb3778]

i'm a 24 year old undiagnosed autistic (I have heavily weighed the pros and cons of seeking official diagnose but for my career plans and life goals it's just not feasible for me to do so without being heavily restricted) - this video brought tears to my eyes, I frequently find myself looking back at my early experiences and I feel so heartbroken for child me struggling to make friends. I realise it now but I had the same experiences where I was "part of" a group without realising I was being made fun of and ridiculed by them all. I have a best friend but she is my only real friend and honestly I'm so thankful that we met! Over the last 5 years though, with university and full-time work, we've spent increasingly more time apart and so we've learned how to transfer socialisation into more digital forms and I've found it so much less taxing on the social battery (always felt so guilty for feeling that way, especially with her because I love being around her but everyone drains me in some way) - thank you for making these videos, they truly help me in feeling less alone in my experiences, i find a tremendous amount of comfort in them

[@NFSMAN50]

This popped up in my recommendations, Im also autistic and i've struggled with friendships over the years, and i definitely relat to all of these. I struggle to keep friends. Good video!! thank you for what you are doing!!!

[@Matt-ul6dq]

Your videos are brilliant, thank you for making such helpful and honest content. My best friend is autistic, and everything you say always resonates with what they tell me and how they are, and your content really helps me to try to be the best friend I can for them like they are for me

[@einkleinerfalke3347]

I experience friendship more as some sort of vibes. If I define friendship as not minding your presence 80% of my time because you are cool, sharing an interest and tolerant for stims, a lack in social skills and stuff. If so, you are so rare that you may as well be a friend. If I get some sort of weird excitement from your presence, I learned to become suspicious because this excitement might not be a good excitement if this makes sense

[@samueloneworldproductions6520]

oh yes i felt a lot of this, i thankfully dont have much experience with socialization burnout (as least as i know of) but struggling with making friends has always been an issue with me and i would constantly get taken advantage of (mainly one time in 2020 where someone guilt tripped me into sending $1200) and i would have my occansional moments of feeling left out especially if it feels like sometimes people i work with talk more to others than to me and the worst part of being autistic is if i can never tell if someone is mad or furious with me or if they have an issue with me unless they say something about it and then they get mad and angry when i don't pick up on it with how "obvious" it was instead of just flat out telling me if i'm doing this or that wrong, apparently we live in a society where people just say vague things and expect you to get it which made things so frustrating and it can cause huge anxiety and overthinking to happen

[@VelocityVex]

Just sharing, but I actually made a best friend back in elementary. We were both in special Ed, and he had ADHD and I had Autism and ADHD. We had a lot of common interests, he was a grade older. We became best friends 6 years ago, even though that might not seem a lot for some people. We’re still best friends till this day. Basically don’t let autism hold you back, just try your best.

[@belorama8]

My best friend is also neurodivergent and that is, i think, the key. We sometimes dont talk for weeks because we both struggle with social demands and consistency. And sometimes we have 4-5 hour long phone calls to body double long distance. Reflecting back at the end of my twenties I realize almost no one I was friends with was actually my friend. There are exceptions, but all of them including my best friend are also late-diagnosed ADHD or ASD. I was always the useful person to have around, or a flattering shadow, or the "entertainment", or sometimes the punching bag. Finally in my mid twenties I started to learn how to create better boundaries for myself and the bad friendships dwindled, but finding good ones and being able to actually cultivate that is hard as hell. I've moved a lot throughout my life, I lived in 5 states and went to 9 different schools, practice does not make perfect. You just have to keep rolling the dice.

[@Sophiebewildin]

I thought I found my best friend last year but we both ran into the issue of “we’re super busy with working and don’t have energy or time to hang out because we’re exhausted all the time.” And now we’re not speaking with each other. 😢 Friendships and deepening them have been hard for me. Thank you for sharing this video

[@styphonuk]

Hey Morgan, thanks for raising this topic. I'm 39 and have high-functioning autism. I'm great at masking and it does take a lot of energy. I have 1 best friend who I'm really close with. I've known him for 16 years now and we bonded over similar interests. For us that's PC & board games, and TTRPGs. I completely get what it's like trying to make friends, everything you've described I can relate to, especially when I've been trying to find a girlfriend. My advice is to just go to activities and do things you enjoy doing. Find like-minded people and you'll hopefully find people you can bond with over your shared interests. And from there if you find yourself drawn to one or two specific people who you engage with regularly maybe try to connect with them outside of those activities. That's how my friendship grew organically. Maybe that'll help.

[@cristinaoancea2228]

Girl, you are the best! Both me and my husband are quite social people and we have an autistic son. Your videos help me a lot in understanding him, his struggles (he had had an autistic meltdown a few days ago because of social interaction and I didn’t know exactly what happened, but now I see it more clearly). Keep up with this channel because your voice is heard much more than you can imagine. My child cannot hear you now (he doesn’t understand English yet), but I hear you and I will try my best to show him that life is awesome even if the society was designed for people slightly different than him. Besides, you, as well as him, show me how awesome are autistic people. Thank you!

[@bronwynsnow4366]

Aw Morgan, friendships can be really hard for many people, though obviously with autism there can be some different/additional challenges. Young girls can be notoriously socially mean and act this out in covert ways pretty often. NT people typically have at least some sense of whether there is rapport with a person (though often men misinterpret kindness for romantic/sexual interest - they tend to overestimate how interested a woman is). If there is a feeling of rapport, we might take steps to move the friendship forward, by inviting the person to do an activity or talk again. If one does not have a sense of rapport, or as much ability to read eye contact, etc., then you probably have to rely on verbal cues more. I would say it can be important to listen for things people have "bigger" feelings about - for example, if someone is worried about an upcoming job interview, or excited about a trip, or just feeling tired because they have a lot going on, just noting that, and following up with a text to check in can be really nice. For example, I might take the time to text "Good luck on your job interview today!!" or "Hey, I remembered you were going on that trip for the weekend, was it fun?" Even if we don't become friends, it is a kind thing to do, and it can also be a little step to show care which can build a friendship by keeping the communication open over time.

[@MDWLRK7]

I cannot tell you how much you’ve helped me as I’m seeking a diagnosis. You have processed things in a way that I couldn’t. It’s extremely important to break these things down for a potential diagnosis bc I have decent social skills. I’ve always struggled with friendship and I know my motives and I think I’m a good friend and I don’t understand why people don’t like me? I know that sounds narcissistic but I just know me. I was manipulated and bullied too. And when people eventually pulled away in high school, I couldn’t tell if it was bc they didn’t like me or because we didn’t have the same classes and just didn’t have time, etc. But the sidekick/cheerleader thing… 😭🤯 yes. It seems like I’m the supporting actress in everyone’s story. The weird, quirky, girl with good intentions who no one really hangs out with but is just…there. It seems like I just exist for other people. It sucks. I’m 38 and have never been diagnosed yet everyone knows I’m different. Things people will do when they find out you see the good in others bc you know your own issues/motives is so stupid and evil. When you talk about someone telling you that you did or said something wrong and you absolutely didn’t- felt that too. Like people legitimately hated me for some reason but those aren’t friends, hon. Those are toxic people in any setting. In fact, something that truly helped me is both studying antisocial/manipulative behaviors for years and then dialogue and body language analysis. I have pretty good instincts about what someone is feeling or if something is “off” but I’m not great at seeing it in real time. You deserve good friends. I’ve done kind of a stereotypical thing and made friends through Reddit bc I CAN observe that type of communication and analyze it in real time. I hate going out though bc it’s absolutely exhausting. The social hangover is 1,000% real. 🤣 That has affected my friendships as well. You should def do more of these videos! Including Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome! My mom is figuring out that she may be autistic too and she has Raynaud’s and I might too. So many co-occurring issues! You’re helping so many, Morgan! I’m amazed people never diagnosed me before this. I have a whole burnout story too. Lots of bullying during that time and then I was able to get disability… So, keep going!!! You’re amazing!❤

[@MDWLRK7]

Also…sorry for oversharing. 😬

[@autistizzy]

i cannot emphasize enough how much i needed this video. even so many videos about being autistic & navigating friendship are focusing on trying to change ourselves to be "better" at friendship and socializing but recently i was venting to my therapist about how i feel broken, sometimes even like a bad person for not being able to keep up with it & feeling like maybe.. i don't even want it (a thriving social life& more than like.. 1-2 friends) and she absolutely blew my mind by telling me i don't need to prioritize those things if i don't want to- in fact i shouldn't cuz it's clearly harming me & it was so... enlightening & i'm in this similar place of learning to accept myself, i'm still working on it and it's hard especially figuring out how to communicate that i can't be what certain people want me to be but i know it'll all be worth it (would love to hear u talk about how you're navigating being clear about your limits & what you can & cannot do, setting boundries and accomadating urself- its so hard i've been so deeply engrained to people please)

[@letsdomath1750]

10:42 Socialization hangovers are intense! It gets easier. Basically, it's a workout as you are developing those skills and getting more accustomed to spending longer periods of time around people who you don't already know intimately for a long time. Keep going as your stamina will incease.

[@nonamelegend_vapor]

This is legit. Being in the workplace IRL taught me that it is possible to grow more comfortable socially, that social skills can be trained like a muscle (which ironically should illustrate the effort it takes; being NT must be like being born socially jacked, while the rest of us have to train our way up). Some might argue that this is technically masking, but I would say as long as you're being authentic, it's not really masking, just building up your social comfort and tolerance. It was only when COVID hit that I realized how much I had been unconsciously "training", and how socially out of shape I got hahaha

[@letsdomath1750]

@@nonamelegend_vapor Absolutely, I agree with you 100%. I picked these up from Couchsurfing, going to Meetup events, and later hosting events and volunteering. It's very different from socialization for school because I am actively and consciously choosing to be in these social settings. I can just as easily isolate as none of these people have any other forms of access to my regular life beyond me wanting to be present then and there. It is very draining at first, but it's definitely working the "muscles for social comfort and tolerance," even with people you get along with great. And to follow up with what you said, it's minimal masking beyond being polite to brand new strangers because I am constantly checking in with myself if I do want to further engage in a specific conversation with the person in front of me or if I want to move on to the next group or if I just want to listen or change the topic. Keeping your cool and staying authentic is key. It's only an issue if you're feeling super overwhelmed and engage in some form of overt stimming behavior, which for that you can switch to more subtle ones or excuse yourself and go for a lap outside the building to destress from a sensory overload (from a crowded bar or strong smells due to some people vaping or something).

[@rohndif.688]

I’m 65 but haven’t & will not give up ! I’m finding kind hearted friends finally , I let them know I struggle , seems to be the key ! However watching your videos helps me express these struggle to others so thank you,, be blessed!❤kind soul

[@grumpydragonproductions264]

This is a mood. Good video, can very much relate to every single moment in it.

[@passinthru4646]

Oh my goodness, Morgan, you have just bravely and clearly described my entire life's experience with friendship. Thank you for tackling this hard-to-talk-about topic. Bottom line- It's Hard!! In my life, I have had many many of those surface type friendly relationships, many good as they are, but they do fade. My best anchors so far, friendship-wise, are continuing to work on being my own loving, non-critical best friend (it's hard!)- and I do have a couple of (I'm sure neurodivergent) friends I have met over the years at my jobs, and while our friendships are erratic and wacky, they are what I imagine true friends are- my tribe I guess. They drive me crazy at times and are not necessarily easy to be with (we don't see each other often)...but I imagine it's the same for them with me! Anyway, thank you again for this GREAT video- you rock!

[@theculturebrewingchannel5619]

I've moved around the world with my work. I've been in lots of friendship groups but never felt like i belonged. For a long time i thought it was racism (growing up in england) but moving around the world i knew it couldnt be. As i get older i am struggling big time to make and keep friends. I know this is normal for most people as they get older but i think it's so much harder in my case. I feel like i'm 37 and still dont actually know how to make friends, i just made them throughout my life through circumstance or one person liking and vouching for me with their friends.

[@gregmishler798]

I thank you sooo much for your videos!❤❤❤ My daughter is newly diagnosed at 15. She ended up in a mental health facility for depression, now know it is Autistic Burnout.🙂 You have helped us both understand so much about her life and how to help her. We could never thank you enough. You are very brave!

[@AutisticUnfiltered]

I'm 64, diagnosed at 63. This turned up in my feed today so I thought I'd have a look, and I'm glad I did. You described every decade of my life and you did it extremely well. Getting the diagnosis was life-changing for me. Suddenly, things that had confused me since childhood made sense. Now I get to find out who I really am and not who I masked myself to be. I genuinely wish you well.

[@Kabirio93]

Each time I go out its horrible. I just realised that most of people they just really like surface level conversations no stop. I mean, I understand ,we dont know each other so the social norm is to ask where I am from, whats my job and bullshit like this. The problem is that most people stick with such questions no stop for hours and I find it draining. Sometimes, I try to make some joke to deviate from this stupid questions or to be sarcastic a bit but people just dont get it like they are focused on the script to be the kind and nice person which results them to be boring and comformist. Its painful.

[@DammitVictor-8H]

I'm a middle-aged, very late/recent diagnosis autistic person and... I see so much of my troubled history with human relationships in this video, and it hurts. And it made me realize that a lot of my early friendships that have drifted apart were never very good friendships at all.

[@AmySchwabhello]

I appreciate you opening up about this, Morgan. I have been realizing that I have similar struggles in making deeper, lasting friendships that are healthy and matched. I also isolate (yes, even at times when I do really want or need a connection) and have to conserve and be very careful with the limited energy I am aware I have. I have always been a "pacer" with my energy -- and I can tell when something is getting to be too much and I have to step back and just focus on keeping alive as you mentioned/whatever my body and/or adulting is telling me needs to come first, but I feel a lot of people don't know that about me well enough to not take it the wrong way and it complicates what friendship I have started -- I feel like they think I am just making some excuse and there is really some other issue I possibly have with them, but it is not personal against them AT ALL -- I just have to be okay, and can only really swing a social outing if I feel I have the battery charge in my bank for it in advance. I have not been officially diagnosed as autistic but it has been a long time in coming more and more to my attention, including through specific comments by people closer to me and upon more research, I do feel like it mostly fits. How do I even get diagnosed officially?? I have heard a neurologist would need to assess me... what was your guy's experience in finding out or being diagnosed?

[@Zorriel]

Ive never cried this hard during a video in a long while. I'm 23, I was a loner throughout middle school and high school. I was very social in elementary but then I remember kids spreading rumors at how rude I was when in reality I didn't understand social cues. My only best friend was often really mean to me and then I decided being alone was easier. I made friends with the quiet kids who were weird, I became best friends with a girl who at the time I didn't realize, had autism. Rest in peace I miss her. She was extremely shy but I got her to open up and I miss her. I completely understand having surface level friendships. I ONLY have those. I rarely have friendships that go further. It's incredibly hard and I don't understand how to keep or maintain friends. When you said you feel you, yourself, believe that you'd be an awful best friend. I agree about that myself. I never reach out to people, I don't understand how to. Or I forget to check up on people. I don't do that. I need to keep a mental note about it. I try so hard. so far the only friend that I've been genuinely able to make, were all people on the spectrum or who have adhd. I hate how difficult making friends is. But know this about myself and accepting my autism is - I hope - the first step towards building a community I know I deserve..

[@arsas4556]

I'm sorry you went through that Morgan. Good Luck & Stand Strong

[@jrojas2520]

Wow. Listening to you tell your story of struggling to make friends sounds so much like my experience as an autistic person. Life can be lonely at times, but I just keep busy, so I won't notice it too much. Also, knowing that there is an autistic youtube community out there is comforting.

[@ameliasmith4580]

I have struggles with friends too. Up till year 5 i had them fine. My mum hot me a friend before school (one of her friends kids) and we went to nursery together. This enabled me to find another one too while being there before the first one left and i went up with the second one. I then made friends through that person and went up with them again and now thanks to that person my bestie is who i made friends with in reception and we still besties now

[@Cat.cath4]

I always got “phase” friendship, no connection that stick through time, no regrets whatsoever except i look like a bad person to other people… i have 1 autistic bestfriend (10 years anniversary) and its the only friendship i kept, i always made friendships in jobs and school, because i’m friendly and sociable (I’m masking obviously to get through the day) and they want to go get coffee, partying, do something after work, invite me to their home and i just always felt and still feel so uncomfortable… l can’t because our friendship is built off my mask, and i feel no connection…. I don’t have the energy to take care of friendships and always want to be on my own anyway… i feel like because of my masking and making friends in my early 20s, i ruined my autistic alone-me time that i could’ve had … all the stuff i could’ve made because i’m very artistic… it’s crazy because now i get told “you need friends, you cant live your life alone, you need to share with people “ I DID AND IT RUINED ME, I LOST MYSELF AND IT WAS USELESS… i need neurodivergent friends… i know it’s discrimination towards neurotypical, but i don’t connect with you, and you connecting with me is cringing my whole body, i feel in a cage. Try talking about depression to a neurotypical; “don’t say that”, “aww i feel sorry for you”, “this is too heavy to handle”, or feel awkward… my neurodivergent friend will just say silly stuff, dark humour, laughing, relating to it… we can interrupt the other, jumping on another random topic without offending the other…. DONT DO THAT TO NEUROTYPICAL … they get angry real fast

[@outlandishmuch]

yessss omgosh awesome it's not just me that's so over it. I love what you said about how you have no connection to these people like coworkers and stuff because they connected with ur mask, not the real you. That is exactly how I feel. Like people trying to befriend me makes me cringe all over my body, just like u said. Thx for your insight!

[@moszkoi]

I'm not sure if my friendships were manipulative, but they surely all ended quickly or didn't even start. I used to think as a kid: "These two girls really like Harry Potter, so if I read Harry Potter, they will like me." And I did just that, but they rejected me because their friendship wasn't based only on Harry Potter. Similar things happened multiple times, sometimes I had friends but once that mutual interest in something ended for them, they would be gone too. I actually went to many different after school activities or social gatherings for teens to make friends, I never realized how draining that was. As a kid and teen, all I wanted was a friend... Now I'm working in a even more draining job with a lot of client contact and social interaction. When I get home after working my 8 hours, I'm so tired that I can't really do anything anymore. On top of that, I work 6 days, so I can only rewind on Sunday and that's not enough. I always feel like I'm overreacting, because I tell myself it's not that bad. I also don't have the energy to find a new job right now, that would mean new place, new schedule, new people. I still would like to have genuine friends, but outside of my job I can't bring myself to meet new people, only for things to repeat themselves like in school.

[@JasonV_DM]

A friend should let you be you without the masking. I watch your videos to help understand my autistic friends. I dont want them to mask around me. I want them to be themselves. Basically, a friend needs to be able to reach back and not only ask you to reach for them. Any worthwhile friend is also able to resolve conflict and let go of being upset. The other side of an argument you should start to feel safer and closer to them. Within a few months. If your not getting these two thinks keep looking. Friendships are worthwhile.

[@ToCoSo]

Another amazing video, thank you for sharing, my daughter struggles with friendship so much, this really helps me understand more the difficulties and obstacles and also why if we are a lone we are not always lonely. Lots of love to you (friendly kind!).

[@Space-tree]

As a child, I had a lot of really bad friendships. I did not realize until much later that all the people I thought were my friends were not my friends. Now though I have an amazing group of neurodivergent and (mostly) queer people. I'm still not the best at those kinds of things but I'm trying and with people who also understand me.

[@glossnyctmania]

It's a little sad how I can relate to mostly everything you said. Like now that someone has actually articulated it I went 'oh, this is... oddly farmiliar'. Also, I really admire your courage to speak about something so personal on camera - that takes guts. It felt really good to hear someone say that they go through basically the same things I do, so thank you, thank you, thank you, you're totally awesome

[@gdrracing]

The concept of being part of many friend circles but not actually being 1:1 friends with anyone and feeling like an outsider really hit home for me. That, and the longing to have a best friend but also knowing that I'd likely be a poor friend. And to this day I have no idea how people actually make friends and connect more than a casual or surface level, even when I see other friendships budding around me. Yet another reason why I'm now speaking to a therapist about an ASD assessment. Thank you Morgan for being vulnerable and sharing.

[@KarenDUlrich]

This is so important and profound. I wonder if all of us experienced this. I am 62 years old now and just recognizing this in the last year. Navigating life is such a struggle. It often does not seem worth it. 5:15 "I am very easy to manipulate if you are close to me because I believe you and I will do anything for you. On top of that I am autistic and I don't understand social cues and socialization. I do and say the wrong thing a lot of the time so if you are gaslighting me telling me I did something wrong, even though I didn't, I will always believe you because I am always doing or saying the wrong thing....over time, friendships saw that I was easy to manipulate and gaslight. At first, they were probably doing it very innocently, to get their way, but over time, they realized how easy it was to manipulate me and it turned into a snowball effect where it started as a real friendship but after four years they did not see me as a real friend anymore, they saw me as someone they could manipulate. This has happened to pretty much every friendship..."

[@Kiannka]

I have to say I am amazed how you speak from my heart. The way you describe your experiences with friends and in social situation is exactly how I experience it and I've never heard anyone, not even people who say they understand some of my struggle (because they have social anxiety or adhd or sth) put it into words so perfectly

[@mariacruz07]

I'm not diagnosed but this felt like listening to myself. I'm so happy to not feel alone on this on-going long experience. It made me cry. Thank you for this video!

[@katherinemurphy2762]

I struggle with friendships too. I've had two best friends in my 38 years, but one grew apart, and the other dumped me because I admit that I pushed too hard at one point. I work as an instrumental music teacher in my school district, and as such, I float between two buildings during the week. It has its pros and cons, but one of the cons is that I don't get many opportunities to become part of any one school community (i.e. develop friends). I've been part of my church choir for eight years now, and I'm friendly with the other people there, but I'm not friends with anyone. My husband (who was officially diagnosed on the spectrum at 2) and I both feel quite lonesome many days.

[@Abejaved]

That intro hit so hard, I had to close the video, reevaluate life, and then come back.

[@srishti81388]

Omg I can relate soo much to this, I thought it was just me. Thank you so much for this video❤

[@roseforcatsandbooks]

I’m not sure if I’m autistic yet (I mean basically every experience I’ve read or heard has something I relate to) but this is just like, the most interesting and relatable thing I’ve seen. I’ve always tried to make myself like and understand and follow what the others in the groups liked and did, and struggled so much that at the end I broke. And when I finally decided I couldn’t do it anymore basically it meant the friend group excluded me from everything. The best thing? I was so all right with that because at that point I was exhausted. I was burnt out because of school and because of these people. Also I had extreme fatigue caused by chronic illness(es) and didn’t know at the time. High school was true hell. Thanks fo sharing this, it makes us feel less alone. ❤ Socialising is too tiring to be in the to do list. Just… I either shower or go out. Both is just impossible. 😅

[@kintsugi-u7v]

Never related to anything more in my life. I'm 30, and I can't say I've ever had close friends or anyone to condife in. I'm very good at superficial small talk too, but I can't go beyond that. I have no idea how to "do" relationships. It's very lonely. I got called weird and quiet growing up. I did have friends, but no one I've kept up with over the years. Loneliness has been the main theme of my life. I'm also easy to manipulate, so now I'm suspicious of people's motives. Guys especially because I don't know if they're being nice or acting nice to get something from me. I also fear people will get bored of me eventually and move on. I literally feel uncomfortable no matter where I go or who I talk outside of my family. You seem so sweet and you're young. I hope you find your people.

[@jonathana.1802]

I'm 22 and always struggle to treat people like friends or not. I've just given up and started to treat everyone has a friend and people I liked more like best friends. I still being hurt alot by people (just been harrased for 6 months) but I was able to met lots of great person that were there for me when I needed help and compagny.

[@natalierochon]

i'm autistic and i choose not to make friends in real life and i am single by choice. i just cannot trust anyone,i always assume people are out to do me harm. it seems like whatever friends i did have have died, went to prison or they have turned against me.i stopped trying to find in years ago. i just be myself i'm not changing for anyone

[@Sipgirl115]

You’ve just described my 19 yr old daughter to the “t”. She doesn’t have any friends but really wants them. I love and appreciate your videos so much. Keep them coming 🙏🏼

[@kontakt642]

Hello Morgan! I'm a young guy who lives in a country where the mental health topic is not very advanced or taken super seriously. In the past years I've become quite confident that I have autism but am unable to get a formal diagnosis due to the situation around my family and available resources in my country. Finding your channel has been a blessing! It's like finding someone who finally understands exactly what is going on inside my mind 24/7. I've been able to relate to pretty much everything you have said so far in your shorts and your videos, which makes me really happy. It's a liberating feeling to find someone who has been formally diagnosed and shows the same exact 'symptoms' that I do. It makes me feel like I'm not crazy and I'm not weird, lazy or rude as others have made me feel throughout my life for minor behaviours or ways of thinking and expressing myself that an autism diagnosis perfectly explains.

[@jdncat]

2:09 omg! This is is exactly what ive been going through. Ive never heard anyone else say this before. Im crying how relatable this is.. its so hard for me to make friends. I usually make them through other people but none of them i feel ultra close to and im not sure why. I dunno how to really connect with someone beyond that surface level.. It's either i share too little or just oveshare and do it too much and it scares them off. What the heck am i supposed to do? Its so overwhelming as an autistic person.. Thank you for sharing, it really helps to know I'm not alone.

[@jmaessen3531]

I'm 33. Got diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. And autism professionally for my 33rd birthday - happy birthday to me! Confirmed suspicions are a genuinely good gift imo 😂 Anyway, the social hangover is very real for me as well. And it's getting easier to recognize who is and isn't a good fit for me. It's hard work, making friends. But relearning how to trust my gut is helping so much. Thanks for talking about this, Morgan! 🎉

[@iBonitaGamer]

I was talking about this yesterday! How I never have made a friend, they kinda made me as a friend

[@Pez_Azul]

You speak very clearly about our struggles as autistic people, thank you very much, it is good to hear from someone who is going through the same thing. best wishes!

[@little_isalina]

I really felt what you said in the intro. I wish adults could just say "do you wanna be friends" like kids do. It would make things so much easier. Ive been working a job for just about a year now and i have no connection to anyone working there because i just dont know how to do it.

[@reneedittmer9625]

I have problems making friends but in a different way. As an autistic person, I only have problems making friends because of miscommunication. I'm always misunderstood a lot. I am very deep minded, when I become friends with someone I prefer those deep conversations. However, most kids my age aren't like that so it's hard for me to make friends because of that. I also have trust issues, so that's another big role in why I don't have any friends. I'm also socially awkward. I think I'm great at conversating I just don't know how to get a conversation going and I'm not great at conversating with people I don't trust or don't know. I'm mostly not great at making friends because of past experiences really. I'm often misunderstood because of how I react to things. Such as this one time in school we were learning a subject in a different method than I was used to, so I think I was saying something like "But I remember it going like this-" and for some reason the teachers would take it as being argumentative. By kids my age I'm often misunderstood because of how serious I am and how different I am. Because of my autism I am very sensitive to crowds, loud noises, and bright lights so I get overwhelmed very easily and sometimes it just causes me to have a mental breakdown out of nowhere and since it's out of nowhere no one understands and just thinks I'm overreacting because of something they said.

[@Talklesssmilemore.]

I used to be surrounded by people who would say “if they don’t have friends there’s clearly a reason” and they make it a bad thing when they don’t know the reason

[@nightshadegiggle]

I can relate to that, I can sense when someone wants to be friends with me because they want something in return. Other times when they invite me to parties, they are more closer to their friends and I'm just tagging along feeling left out.

[@floofypoof4727]

This definitely made me feel more at peace. I never really could articulate why I had a hard time making friends/maintaining them but you summed it up perfectly. On top of of the exhaustion I definitely take everyone at face value and it's so jarring when you think ur friends and your not

[@333peppy333]

My experience has been extremely similar to yours. My very, very best advice is to make friends through your special interest or hobby. Activity focused friendships take pressure of the social aspect of the friendship and you always have something to talk about and shared interests to pursue. I'm a few decades older than you. I do have a best friend. She is 13 years older than me. Our friendship is based on our shared love of art and jewelry making. All of our time is spent related to that, but we do have deep conversations about our lives and struggles, too. But I think finding others who enjoy the same things is the way to start. And don't share personal things until the person has shown you over a year or so that they deserve to know you more deeply. Don't be cold. Just hold back. Sometimes people want to go so fast and spend all their time with you and they will seem really into you. That is a red flag. You end up telling them everything about yourself, you are devoted and loyal, and you'll do anything for them. But slowly they begin to use you, the friendship isn't reciprocal, and they begin to control and manipulate you. Boundaries are difficult for people like us because people can tell we are eager and want to be liked. Predators can smell our desperation and vulnerability. Getting into a group of people with the same interests is a good way to observe people and make an educated decision over time about whether or not to develop a friendship beyond the group with any of them. Learn about cluster B personality disorders and you will see that people with narcissistic tendencies follow you everywhere you go. There is always a pattern of behavior. Learn the signs and understand that if someone is charming you, you want to run for the hills. Don't tell people you are Autistic, because predatory people know how easy you will be to manipulate. Be yourself, enjoy your interests, but keep your personal details inside. You can decide what other details you could talk about instead, like if you have a cat, like to ride a bike, favorite foods, places you've been, etc. You said you are skilled with the surface stuff. Use that to get you into your group, then you can make choices after enough time has passed. It's no guarantee. But it's a place to start.

[@anne-katherine1169]

A while ago on the Cinema Therapy channel someone said, "Fitting in is the opposite of belonging". This summarizes some of my struggles with friendships actually.

[@PappousOrestis]

Hi. 33 year old male. Diagnosed at 27. I want you to know that if you are not bullsh***ing to get attention, what you are doing is very brave and admirable. Have a good one

[@kristinamelnichenko5775]

Always the “sidekick or cheerleader” so well stated. Thank you

[@sharpieman2035]

This really shows me how lucky I was. I had a few bullies in school, but every single time someone else would stand up for me even when I didn’t realize I was being bullied. I was so fortunate to grow up in the situation I was and to be able to find real friends I could get along with. It’s still hard to make friends for me even having those positive experiences, I can’t imagine how hard it would’ve been if I had to sort through the trauma of having all of my friends turn into my bullies.

[@Dreykopff]

Very relatable, but also mindboggling. You're pretty and seem like a nice person to be around, you shouldn't have a hard time to find friends...but yeah, there's always a chance of them being the wrong ones, but not all of them have to be the wrong ones.