Avoid These Common Values Most People Chase

[@DamonCart]

Get your free PDF on how to elicit your values at the link below: selfconcept.com/pages/eliciting-values?Mar17th-2021&

[@DamonCart]

@@Thatboyfancy Spirit is too vague. Will power implies that you have to fight against yourself. You want to elicit the positive intent (value) behind the resistance and integrate it rather than fight yourself. Empowerment is good. Fearlessness is a negation; without fear. You can't access or move toward a negation so what do you want to be or do if you're fearless? How can you state fearless in the positive? Focus is good. Hard work is not a value. It's a strategy. Be willing to work hard, but also be willing to work lightly if hard work isn't required. Humility is good.

[@DamonCart]

@@Thatboyfancy 1. Empowerment is great. Spirit is vague. What actions would you take that would fulfill spirit? You probably have plenty of ideas about ways that you could act in alignment with empowerment in order to fulfill it as a value. Willpower is one of the traps I mention in the video. Willpower implies that you have to will yourself to do something; one part of you that does the willing and the other part is overpowered. Not only does this create an internal conflict, there's no fulfillment in it. Replace willpower with clarity, focus, and organization. Don't fight yourself. If you do, you can't win. 2. Fearlessness is an away from strategy. It doesn't tell you what you want. It tells you what you don't want. Courage, boldness, assertiveness, etc. are much better because you can move toward them. You can't move toward fearlessness. You can move toward fear so in order to focus on being fearless, you have to focus on fear. Don't do that. 3. Focus is great. 4. Hardwork is a strategy, not a value. Like all strategies, they're not appropriate for all situations. Be willing to work hard, but always working hard is not fulfilling nor productive. Intervals of rest are important. Ask yourself, what is important about being willing to work hard for what you want? You'll likely come up with a good value. 5. Humility is great.

[@stephanireece8546]

Am I the only one who can't watch your videos without taking notes?! Epic info and perspectives! As always.🙂

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. Really appreciate your comment. Glad you find my videos helpful.

[@sumankukreja6098]

I have recently started to take notes too 😊 Previously Damon’s videos would be my co-passenger when I was driving to work or something..... then I realised that wouldn’t do .... and so, now, the first listen is without notes and the next listen in is with taking notes 😊😊 Thanks Damon for all you do 🙏🙏

[@DamonCart]

@@sumankukreja6098 you're welcome!

[@carmenmcdonald9919]

I just listen several times :-) Now that I have some basic understanding of the self-concept model I get so much more from these videos! Thank you Damon.

[@DamonCart]

@@carmenmcdonald9919 you're welcome!

[@eamonnspirit]

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was duty. I worked-and behold, duty was joy. -Rabindranath Tagore - Bengali Poet

[@DamonCart]

Nice!

[@triciacarlson341]

You're the best Damon! I'm always successful when I follow your instructions. I can't go wrong. Eliciting values from your PDF is climbing the mental mountain. I love pulling up my values. What a perfect format. ❤

[@DamonCart]

Thank you.

[@MamaTerraSantos]

Yayyyyyy!!! Thank you so much for addressing my previous video suggestion! This was soooo helpful. I will definitely have to listen to it multiple times and take notes. Thanks again!

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome. Thank you for the suggestion. Let me know if you have more.

[@nw3685]

Damon, I heard about NLP years ago never looked into it until discovering your videos. I like your positive intentions. In our society of America, we are living in a dystopia in my opinion. I wish there were billboards that reminded everyone to care about themselves and others with NO product placement. Our society is doing the opposite, so we have to search for the messages we want, you're doing good work man!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you.

[@yordannydelvalle3301]

It is not just USA , in Puerto Rico and Latinamerican is suffering of this as well. I am puerto rican who is lost on his porpuse and experimentating. Trust me, we got gurus manipulating people and sects telling lies to vulnerable people. There is this " echa gananismo" to people and tell them to work and there is phrase " Poor is poor because he/she wants to" and sometimes they blamed the victim. I am telling you this is a world wide problem, people are not taking care themselves enough and some are subjected to ignorance and other because society socialized them to be that way. I can tell those things you are saying a fresh for me and I never heard that even in my native tongue ( spanish). Puerto rican culture lack this insigth .Yeah , by stereotype, I should be dancung and smilng but that us nit my case.

[@dzihanahajdarpasicmisirlic5347]

Dear Damon... I study psychology and NLP for ages... I am certified NLP Coach... However, without these videos of yours, my practice and knowledge of NLP be poor, or at least much poorer.... Thanx a billion for doing all this work man

[@DamonCart]

Wow, thank you!

[@davidmartindavies8352]

this was worth the listen

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. Appreciate the comment.

[@calebvallevand2824]

Thank you Damon! That was super helpful. I realized during the video that respect is something I have been valuing without being conscious of it. I realize that love replaces it. I can stop at love and that shifts the lense to let go of expectations of others and of myself. The light went on during your video in a way I didn't expect. I was watching it for a homework assignment, and it hit something really core for me that literally feels like an opening in my heart and a weight of my shoulders. Thanks for your insight and persistence at getting these videos out there. I'm super grateful to you for your immense amount of dedication and knowledge.

[@DamonCart]

Glad it's helpful.

[@julielounHammers]

You helping me so much to understand what my core values could be, thank you Damon for your incredible work!🎉

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome.

[@laurabell50]

Such a thought provoking video - beautifully explained! Thank you!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you and you're welcome.

[@rickboiardimindshiftingaca6975]

Thanks for sharing the video! I definitely have to look out for these particular values as you described in the video.

[@DamonCart]

Glad it was helpful.

[@sureshdivineawaaz]

This man is truly amazing. God bless you brother.

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. Same to you.

[@kiruthigak5307]

Your videos are very informative and helpful . Binge watching them all. Thank you ..

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome.

[@davidgilbert9606]

I love this video (and all your videos I've see)! I like the discussion of possibly thinking of empowerment instead of power. A friend taught me to think of power not in terms of power over anyone else, but just in the simple physics definition of work over elapsed time. In this sense, a powerful person is simply someone who can get a lot accomplished in little time. Thanks for all your videos! I'm learning a ton.

[@DamonCart]

Thank you. We have to be careful with what words unconsciously imply even if we don't consciously mean them in a certain way. It's nearly impossible to escape the implication of power over others and over things when you focus on power as a value.

[@HansSchmidtUnfoldingStone]

Thank you, Damon! Another great video! I am amazed every day how much energy arises in my body and mind when I focus my time, energy, and attention on my high level values. I'm not sure I totally agree with your view of affirmations because I have found them very helpful in dissolving a lifetime of negative inner dialogue after being born into a very non-resourceful family and religion of origin where I was taught to hate myself and my body as sinful and bad. When I write affirmations I prefix them with, "I choose to believe..." and keep in mind those ideas and beliefs and affirmations that people I am looking to for inspiration would hold in their minds, conscious and unconscious. Modeling success in whatever I choose to do, think, say. Thanks again.

[@DamonCart]

If you're changing your inner monologue to direct your mind to more positive attitudes about yourself and your life, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Affirmations of trying to affirm things you are not or do not have become problematic. They can create internal splits where consciously you've made yourself believe something but the unconscious has to reconcile the fact that it's not true. There are also far more effective ways to reshape your attitudes about yourself and your life than affirmations. Beliefs can be created in an instant. When you truly believe something, you don't have to keep affirming it. Take your name for example. It's not a physical or scientific fact that your name is Hans. It's actually something you believe and you don't question. But it's not a verifiable fact. If you woke up on a deserted island and had amnesia and never regained your memory, effectively you would no longer have the name Hans. If someone else showed up on the island, it would not be obvious to them that your name is Hans. It's your name because you believe it and others do too and because you believe it without doubt, you don't have to keep affirming it by repeating it to yourself. You just believe it. Affirmations imply you don't believe it because you must constantly affirm it.

[@ivelinavelikova3726]

What a great video! Life changing!Thank you Damon!

[@DamonCart]

My pleasure!

[@Aviator013]

Wow. So much valuable information. Still working on eliciting values

[@DamonCart]

Glad it was helpful.

[@raytorres9850]

When I hear you describe a person wanting to validate more self love or respect, I think they might be wanting more of that from others. Sort of, what I can't get from others - I need to give to myself.

[@DamonCart]

Sort of. It all starts with you. If you're not accessing your own love and you're not validating yourself, you'll go in search of it outside of yourself. But no matter how much you respect and love you get from others, it will never be enough because you're trying to fill a void that can't be filled from external sources.

[@ismaeldreger5476]

That’s super helpful! Thanks

[@DamonCart]

Glad it was helpful.

[@carenvanlente8012]

This is eye opening! Thank you so much!

[@DamonCart]

You're so welcome!

[@michelleaustin7724]

Intriguing! So the desire to be loved, accepted, wanted and to belong are things that are out of our control. So what value would you say underpins those desires?

[@DamonCart]

If you want to be loved, be loving and lovable and put your focus there instead of seeking love from others. You'll get more than you need in return. Same thing for acceptance. Become an accepting person- accepting of the events that happen that you have no control over. Change or influence those events if you can. If you can't, accept it. Accept all people without judgment and remember you're a person too so accepting yourself isn't even a question. This doesn't mean you have to trust everyone. Just accept them. Put your focus on how well you accept and you'll get plenty of acceptance from others. You will become magnetic. People are drawn to people who are accepting instead of judgmental.

[@Hasmik007]

Damon, this was so useful. Thank you!

[@DamonCart]

You're very welcome!

[@dhullneelam]

Thank you 🙏

[@harshathakkar3194]

Absolutely brilliant content

[@DamonCart]

Thank you

[@clintmatheny901]

Regarding your discussion on “respect”. Respect is a value or obsession that people are trying to get from others. Any value or obsession you are trying to get from others is because your lacking of that value for yourself. If you really respected yourself, respect from others wouldn’t be an issue for yourself. Most “road rage” crimes are caused by individuals feeling they have been disrespected. This feeling of not getting respect turns to anger then rage. because they lack self respect.

[@DamonCart]

Indeed. Completely agree. The only distinction I would add is that people chase values outside themselves not because they actually lack the value but because they don't know how to access it within themselves. Our values are all there in all of us. NLP and especially Steve Andreas' Self-Concept Model shows us how to access our values as certain and solid qualities of our identity. Thank you for your comment. Much appreciated.

[@ronjaenisch4613]

Thanks!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you!

[@tamaramaurer154]

This is Excellent!

[@DamonCart]

Thank you!

[@sparklemegzthemagnificent2335]

How do you integrate resistance? I love this video BTW

[@DamonCart]

I've done some videos on it and I'll be putting out a new video soon about how to do it.

[@GeorgWanek]

Hi Damon, great video, as alway, thank you! I find it very inspiring to reflect on some common values. One thing I asked myself: what about self compassion? As being compassionate or kind might be particular lacking in many people when it is directed to one self; as lots of resistance is caused by beating oneself up? Or more generally have you addressed self-compassion / kindness in one of your videos?

[@DamonCart]

Hey Georg. Same thing applies. If you're compassionate, why would you ever exclude yourself? When you say self-compassion, you bring attention to not being compassionate toward yourself as a likely possibility. Why not just be compassionate toward people and count yourself as a person?

[@GeorgWanek]

@@DamonCart thanks; makes so much sense. Perhaps for many people it is particular valuable to emphasise not to include themselves from compassion or empathy. Personally when I focus on how I can give / bring forward what I like to see more I don't have to take myself too serious; meaning I stand less in my way and energy can flow.

[@ronjaenisch4613]

how about a video on developing charisma ?

[@karwaaaan]

That is great bro thank you.

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome

[@DennisFrancispublishing]

Hi Damon. I love your content. I've been asking NLP and hypnosis practitioners if they have encountered therapies for tinnitus. Since Covid 19, more people have been suffering from the ringing in theirs ears. If you've looked into the symptoms and causes, this is still one of those maladies that is being researched with no known cure. Being able to reduce the panic and anxiety around the ringing seems to be a starting point. Over time, the brain seems to habituate to the sound but in the mean time most of the suffering comes from having no control over the sound in their head. Let us know if you have any techniques that may help. Thanks in advance.

[@DamonCart]

Thank you for the kind words. Unfortunately I don't have any experience with using NLP on tinnitus.

[@742ebutuoy]

Hi Dennis, playing a different tune inside your head often works. Asking your 'parts' for the positive intention for the 'ringing in the ears' is also a great starting point. Secondary gain often plays a role in people not wanting to hear the truth. It's similar to turning a blind eye to something unpleasant, and developing conjunctivitis.

[@filipzserlav5252]

How can I integrate resistance? Please

[@DamonCart]

Buna. Sotia mea este o Romanca. Imi place Romania foarte mult. Here are two videos about integrating resistance: kzbin.info/www/bejne/a5-vqYSAar92qck kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y5vFpph5g6d1b5Y

[@Ashley--L]

A great video! Could you please talk about if/how expertise is different from perfection. I know you said perfection is also not good :)

[@DamonCart]

Expertise is when you have more knowledge and skill about a particular area of study than the average person. Perfection is an impossible standard that you will never achieve, which means you will always feel like a failure. Also perfectionism will prevent you from even trying something. I hear people say all the time something like "It won't be perfect so I'm not going to even try." They've just deprived themselves of what might have been a very fulfilling and rewarding experience just because they applied perfectionism to it.

[@Ashley--L]

@@DamonCart Thank you! I always thought of expertise as more knowledge and skill than most people in the field, like being in the top... 20% or even 10%... But my definition was more focused on knowing almost everything in a certain field, or maybe "some mistakes are allowed, but not many". That's why I was confused if it's a good value to aspire to because in my mind it was dangerously close to perfectionism. On the other hand, if i define it as more knowledge or skill than others, it goes into comparing, which is not good...

[@DamonCart]

@@Ashley--L I think expertise is fine. It's okay to compare your knowledge or skill to someone else's for the sake of leveling up on your knowledge and skills and knowing what's possible. You don't want to compare yourself to others, however, in terms of worth or value.

[@treemarie3080]

Thank you 🙏

[@DamonCart]

Welcome!

[@ronjaenisch4613]

how about a pdf .........value list and tree

[@DamonCart]

An important aspect of eliciting your values is the elicitation itself, which brings your unconscious values into consciousness. This connects you with your values in a way that pulling values from a list could never create for you. It's better if you elicit them. Pulling from a list is easier, but it would rob you of the experience of connecting with your values.

[@benjaminloeza2849]

Ty sir

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome.

[@verasolomenko981]

What does it exactly mean to be connected to my values? I don’t quite understand..

[@DamonCart]

Eliciting them from yourself will connect you with them. When you think about something you want like more money, a car, a house, etc., ask yourself what's important to about having it. You may need to ask this question several times. Your values are the mostly unconscious (sometimes conscious) drives for everything you want and all of your behaviors. When you're clear about what those are, you're automatically connected to them. You will feel it. Clarity and understanding about what you want is connection with your values.

[@dzihanahajdarpasicmisirlic5347]

David pls take more credit for your work... I know that you got a lot from your mentor, and you view the mentor as the source of some information... However, without you channeling that info, the rest of us would not get the knowledge, knowhow, the growth etc... I see that you are against PRIDE, you are humble, grateful... All fine... But please take some credit for all the great work you are doing in our NLP world :) You are amazing

[@dzihanahajdarpasicmisirlic5347]

Damon... sorry for the mistake in name... I listen to David Snyder often as well... He is Great just as Damon...

[@DamonCart]

Thank you for the kind words. I can certainly take credit for doing the work and reporting on my experiences as well as passing on the knowledge. It's also important to me to credit the source. Steve was so generous to me with his time and patience and I will always be grateful to him.

[@bossywossy111]

👌

[@jamesross4319]

With empowerment I get the feeling you get when you've talked to somebody for an hour and they haven't answered a single question but you thought they did. So for me, not viable.

[@DamonCart]

So when you feel empowered you also feel ineffective?

[@kippen64]

I have lost confidence in other people.

[@DamonCart]

Find new people. Surround yourself with people you trust but don't expect them to be perfect. No one is.

[@kippen64]

@@DamonCart I wish it was that simple. Thanks for your kind words.

[@DamonCart]

@@kippen64 most things aren't simple. Every once in a while we stumble across something that is simple and it's a nice surprise. That's not to say we should always expect things to be complicated either. I recommend thinking in terms of what is most useful and also, what is the alternative to not surrounding yourself with supportive people. Maybe it's difficult and complicated but I assure you it will be worth it. It will pay off much more than not doing it because it's complicated and difficult.

[@kippen64]

@@DamonCart It's very kind of you to care.

[@debbieconnell3116]

Thank you!

[@DamonCart]

You're welcome.