Avoidant breadcrumbing (holiday edition)

[@AlyssaADUB1D]

Avoidants really feel like just a few steps below a narcissists, abusive in a more lowkey way

[@olgarodionova634]

💯

[@PuddyKatMan]

My sentiment exactly. My ex DA GF became a dark, evil 👩 🐕 at the end. I mean 👿.

[@angstrom1058]

Especially dismissive avoidants.

[@sheliasmith2884]

@AlyssaADUB1D all the more reason to leave their mentality ill selves alone

[@garyharris4366]

I wouldn't even acknowledge their message. They've had plenty of time during the year to make amends, but instead, they've waited until the holiday season, exploiting people's sentimental state. This behavior is cowardly and deserves to be called out.

[@geemail369]

Waiting for some external thing to signal _"it's time!"_ is as immature as it gets. If it's important to you, *make it* happen! 💪🏼🌱

[@angstrom1058]

They won't work on themselves because they don't think there is anything wrong with them. If I feel pain, I need to work on myself.

[@lindaread9838]

I remember when Coach Ryan said it's an addiction, so that made sense and I looked at this from a different perspective. Because I don't need the fix anymore. I've gone through the withdrawal stage. It's a new year coming up and I hope we can all continue to heal ourselves and have deeper, fulfilling relationships 🎉✌️♥️🧨

[@harryquinn8911]

I don’t care about their reasoning behind the disposal of people they should care for! They’re warped,don’t allow them back at any cost.❤

[@daramolaayomide-d6u]

Thanks man. Really needed to hear this. She called and texted yesterday but I didn't respond.

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

He texted me few days back, saying he just wanted to say that he is missing me. I replied, hmm thank you..

[@geemail369]

🏆👌🏻✨

[@daramolaayomide-d6u]

@Intentivelyoptimistic1750 don't take the bait. Most times I just don't respond cause it gets to me personally.

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

​@@daramolaayomide-d6u I am well aware about it now. Its been 2 years, went through this many times. His recent no contact was for 2 and half months from June to mid august. I grieved a lot during that time. This happened many times before but for shorter periods of time. And then he came back with a promise that he would never do that again. He admitted that he have problems and runs away from situations, but now wanted to change. And again after two months, he shut down again. But I dont want him back at all. I understand what his problem is. I don't hate him. I am neither sad. I just don't care. I just wish he heal and have a happy life.

[@jonthedawn]

Id reply..but say I only wanna hear from you if you want to put this work in. If not, let's just move on. Said this last week to my ex girl.. so now ball is in her court. She loves the strength.. I can feel it. It's hard af to say.. cuz she knows I love hearing from her. But you know what I love more than that? Me. Let's gooooo! Love to you all

[@sheliasmith2884]

Coach is brilliant I'm going through this now he tried to use me weeks ago he was calling all the time then he vanished. Xmas day I get a text and I did what coach told us to do I waited till later and gave a simple text and he never responded. So I guess he wanted validation Avodents are selfish and they will break you if they are not willing to do the work you are cosigning for pain.My therapist told me that they are cousins to the narcissist and I believe that they have the traits and this is not up for debate. I was good to him for 3 years I understood him and I'm secure and I know my value.I pray for us all because most of us love these people but I'm done been done he keeps coming back but I'm not because we can do better.

[@daramolaayomide-d6u]

@@sheliasmith2884 So help us lord to heal from such. It's really hard not to think about them even when you don't want to

[@ik6577]

They are cowards, in most cases instead of speaking up they prefer to create fake accounts and follow you on social media. The vast majority avoid direct contact out of cowardice 😂😂

[@TS-zl7wl]

Oh let them sprinkle their breadcrumbs! At this point I enjoy responding cordially to their holiday wishes and what not. Not giving anything away of my private life. This is how I preserve both my boundaries and my values of good manners. All the best to the avoidants out there!

[@zlatkajupe]

First year in a while where I haven't had an ex bf reach out. Thankful for the peace of mind!

[@DrCherylMeier]

Awesome! Yes! I really appreciate how you are describing this pattern! It’s healing for both people! Thank you so much! I keep tweeting your videos! 🎉💯❤️

[@sabrinalazzeri1220]

Thank you, you make a great work for many people, I dear to say here.

[@joycemcintosh2736]

You are so spot on! You validate my decision for no contact. Yes it is painful but each day gets better. Your videos are so helpful in my journey.. thank you!

[@ericacooper8001]

Thank you so much for my feelings valid. I was raised to ignore my feelings.

[@starchoo4616]

They're fit for holiday casual date not worth to build long term relationship not good for mental well being

[@Danisnaturecorner]

I have been healing my anxious attachment to my avoidant ex for a couple months now and I feel like a secure person is growing inside me while the anxiously attached one is getting healed and retaught. My avoidant ex called me to wish me a merry Christmas and I had to have a conversation with myself, identifying as the secure, and talking to my anxious self telling her that this reach out meant nothing more than him just wanting to wish us a merry Christmas. My anxious self kept trying to ruminate over what him calling us meant, and whenever I watched myself go into those thoughts these last couple of days my secure self would tell my anxious self “it was only a merry Christmas wish which he wanted to do because he probably still has love for us and he just wanted to wish someone he loved a merry Christmas, which is a normal and often meaningless thing people do.” I really don’t know his intentions and as a secure person, It’s not my job to guess. My anxious self always manifested guessing what his intentions were, and there was an endless cycle of anxiety.. It is truly crazy how these attachments make us see life through these filters and lenses, living these last couple of months has not been easy

[@kiwicatnip]

My NPD sister tried to lovebomb me. I just laughed because in my head I’m like you realize you can’t manipulate me right?😂 I was like “we have never had a relationship, why do you suddenly want one with me?”. She couldn’t give me a legitimate answer

[@tarantulagirl]

Can you believe I haven’t heard off my avoidant ex since October 14th. He called me at 22:15 Boxing Day night, asked if he could come and see me and I said no cos I was asleep and he woke me, the next day he tried to make out he didn’t call me it was a friend. It was him I heard his voice it was him

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

You should say, it doesn't matter who this was. Don't bother me again

[@BruceJC75]

If I hadn’t broken no contact back in November and loved her Christmas photos I might’ve gotten a breadcrumb. It’s gonna be a new year and I’m gonna move past the hardest heartbreak I’ve ever known.

[@xl4196]

Not a bread crum for me. We broke up beginning of November. So it would have been nice to get a Merry Christmas text. Just to feel like he cared about me as a human being. I know he texted everyone else in his phone. So the fact he couldn’t drop his pride for a simple text, is a tough pill to swallow.

[@glopfel]

It's not because of you, it's because of their toxic shame, do not personalize it, please.

[@ajmosutra7667]

My ldr avoidant sent me gifts ... we broke up couple of weeks earlier because my inner decor taste didn't jive with him 🤷

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@user-nd3tg5zn1b]

Keep your head up and keep walking AWAY

[@ajmosutra7667]

@@user-nd3tg5zn1b its fine, i was already very frustrated with him, but i still love him... He broke up with me but wanted to get back, but i said i was too tired now. He cried A LOT and a lot more than me, i know he loved me. But we just couldn't make it work

[@toddyrich118]

I didn't get a breadcrumb or a bacon dripping. 27 days nc now.

[@kristenrubymoon]

I think it's narcissism

[@Muthonie]

He just texted 2 hours ago 😒

[@maras507]

No contact is crucial - delete messages and block if necessary to protector your mind and heart! God bless!

[@Intentivelyoptimistic1750]

​@@maras507 yes, because re reading messaged trying to make meaning out of it, when in reality there is nothing in it, we make it hard for ourselves.

[@mariias.9435]

That's exactly what happened to me after ten weeks of NC. He saw my story and decided to wish me all the best for the Holiday. I don't understand why, I was healing hard, but successfully and now he scratched that crust on my wound telling me he misses me but offering NOTHING. I wish I were a man and I would behave with dignity to myself and other people, not playing around with their feelings 💔

[@pssstitsme6037]

Reminds me of Beyonce's song, "If I were a boy". Puts the same spin on it. You should listen to it. ✌️

[@mariias.9435]

@pssstitsme6037 that's one of my favorite songs 💜

[@rivalsajax1500]

all u say i so accurate but it doesnt seems like shes gonna comeback

[@daramolaayomide-d6u]

@@rivalsajax1500 if you don't chase, she will... Believe

[@rivalsajax1500]

@@daramolaayomide-d6u thx bro

[@rivalsajax1500]

@@daramolaayomide-d6u when do u end the no contact tho

[@daramolaayomide-d6u]

@@rivalsajax1500 a month according to experts. Sometimes more. That's if you don't it the correct way. I suggest you search it up tho

[@dmitryisaev5955]

She did it past January: comment under my post on Instagram. I did not react. Why? It is not a serious reach out. We did not communicated this way in our relationship. Immature, childish, not serious… It must be something meaningful and direct…for me to respond.😊😊

[@Ellen84307]

No breadcrumbs. Just silence for almost a year. I am so single I wish for breadcrumbs… 🫠

[@kellydevreese3944]

Focus on you. Learn to be happy alone. Get a pet if you feel to lonely.

[@Ellen84307]

@ I am. I also have a dog. But when you not meeting someone new, it’s kind of hard.

[@allalonehere5852]

Oh wow! I can't imagine...reaching out to them....for a year!?

[@Ellen84307]

@@allalonehere5852 Yes?

[@Ellen84307]

@@allalonehere5852 Yes?