Things Not To Say To Someone With Cancer

[@serinat2181]

Bless the guy in the white shirt, you could tell he really wanted to speak at 2:59

[@simonmoknok]

Lmao

[@lookbook5611]

Really riled me up

[@gracebowles5566]

I know I felt so bad

[@miciahhxo]

Serina T Awe. Poor guy

[@jordynthepirate1750]

Serina T omg ikr😄

[@Ollie-og7wv]

uncomfortable how the girl in the red shirt is speaking over the guy next to her

[@zahrahanif6917]

Jubilee he has cancer grow a pair

[@Coooool75]

she just listens to herself talking LOL

[@saturnsings3471]

jimbo yeah he didnt get to talk at all :/

[@MsZeldasaga]

I saw her talking but I didn't see her interrupt him. Kind of hard to interrupt someone who doesn't talk.

[@miciahhxo]

MsZeldasaga 2:59

[@ZhenweiWangLover]

3:00 made me cringe... she didn't let him talk wtf

[@romanehalot4539]

Oinkbauble ikr! made me mad

[@Nina-mk5qy]

Oinkbauble fr he keeps looking down he can't talk at all

[@isabellamacnaughton8341]

Poki poki He can talk, he tried talking twice in the video but the woman next to him kept cutting him off

[@snapmyneck8818]

Maybe the editors had clips of him actually talking, but they edited out? Couldn't imagine why though

[@Nina-mk5qy]

Izzydraws stuff that's what I'm saying... he kept looking down

[@piphraraspangons9704]

Let the guy in the white shirt talk! He was quiet throughout the video, then when he had his moment at 2:59, BAM it was snatched away.

[@eonkshabonk]

Piphra Raspangons I know, the poor thing!! You could see that he really wanted to finish his thought too, because his lips kept moving! 😟 The woman highjacked his time and just never gave it back!

[@pooinsky]

or maybe they just didn't include the clips of him speaking?

[@eonkshabonk]

pooinsky That is true! The editors may have screwed the poor guy out of his time! I didnt even think of that! Good point!

[@tartarswauce101]

Piphra Raspangons

[@MistyRoxes]

Piphra Raspangons omg yess I feel the same!!!

[@MistyRoxes]

It was really annoying to me when the lady in red interrupted the guy in the creme colored shirt when he was trying to talk let the damn guy talk

[@togetherwecansavetheworld7999]

Misty Quevedo it was me, dont mind

[@Georgia.J]

Aww x Well you acted like a gentleman!

[@Feliciatanktop]

Dude with the white shirt wants to talk so bad

[@Jelisha106]

Felicia omg yes!! Give him a chance to finish his sentence

[@katythomas5997]

that women was so annoying... couldnt get a worse in could he

[@boujiebarbie3198]

Poor guy looked like he really wanted to talk...

[@JUSTDOIT-gg3tr]

It's so sad. That happens to me all the time with my friends and they're always like "why are you so quiet" or "you should speak more" and they won't even let me speak

[@rellytoonanimations2292]

I know right and your profile image agrees

[@delaneym.7412]

"How long do you have left?!" Well if everything goes as planned about 50-60 years? Not every cancer is terminal.

[@alexthebudgie9071]

Delaney M. Yes. My date for beating cancer is next year.

[@calamityredgnat9356]

Alex my little Budgie ahh that's amazing! ^^

[@molly7262]

Alex my little Budgie good luck! I know how you feel

[@almahatechannel4629]

Alex my little Budgie how are you now?

[@-myal-8691]

I have no expiration date.

[@chloebarnes91]

These 'What not to say' videos are honestly so informative & helpful. Thank you for making them!

[@finleycastello6512]

Chloe Barnes, u have 400 likes and no comments wtf?

[@butterdog6134]

Finley Castello there's nothing more to add to this comment, it's true xD I love these vids :D

[@courtneymichelle5746]

Chloe Barnes They're honestly my favorite

[@alexiabarnes5371]

Chloe Barnes My last name is Barnes and my best friend's name is Chloe.

[@daviegarcia8050]

Chloe Barnes Some are kind of bullshit

[@Harry-hd6wn]

Super honoured to have been able to take part and share my experience in this and hopefully help others understand a bit more. The truth is, when it comes to cancer, there is no right or wrong answer (or question in this case). We understand that sometimes it is difficult to know what to say/ask. Just don't beat around the bush, if our wisdom can help others who are worried about/going through cancer then we are humbled to help. That's what humanity is all about. Appreciate the lovely kind comments already :)

[@Harry-hd6wn]

Donkey Giroud The ginger one!

[@Harry-hd6wn]

Donkey Giroud that's very kind of you man. Doing my best. Haha that hair was a halfway stage. Really didn't know what to do with it! Nearly got it to where I want it now though. All the best.

[@Harry-hd6wn]

Rosie Smith Thanks Rosie! I'm good thanks :) x

[@scarletteloise2737]

Harry Lehane You did amazing! Well done :)

[@vademarofxeroes8416]

You seem to be the most understanding out of all of them.

[@TheChickenRiceBowl]

Things Not To Say To A Child Abuse Survivor pleeeease!

[@isaacs8783]

TheChickenRiceBowl They've done a sexual abuse survivor video.

[@miriamdiedrich7524]

Not necessarily the same thing, though.

[@isaacs8783]

Laura Icahn true

[@haspando]

Laura Icahn yh but since child abusers rape don't they?

[@miriamdiedrich7524]

Pym_Ultron _Vision Not always. Abuse can be everything from yelling and hitting to fondling and, yeah, rape.

[@wackity.7879]

I feel bad that I feel almost desensitized to cancer. My mum got diagnosed when me and my twin were 4, now we are nearly adults and she's still here keeping us healthy and moving. I don't think I've ever really sat down enough and appreciated what she went through, or what consequences she still has to cope with. For those of you wanting a success story, my mother got told she had a 5% chance of surviving into the near future when diagnosed, other than a leg with dead nerve endings (meaning that walking is hard for her. She requires a stick and has a disability badge to put in my dad's car) she is alive, and hopefully happy. (She's got two shitty teenage twins)

[@pennylane584]

Izzy I'm so happy for your mother! I wish her the best❤️

[@igotboredbutcouldntthinkof8018]

youre not shitty. youre one of her reasons, perhaps her biggest.

[@TheEtienneDavis]

Let her know how much you care and love her while you have the chance. Cancer usually comes back. I pray it doesn’t in your situation but I’ve been in your shoes with my closest family members. Do not wait to tell her the things you want to say

[@reettamalin1991]

Can you do a chronic illnesses one.

[@alecwinner]

Yes! God I've got a list as long as my arm for that one if they do it

[@niamhseren9913]

reetta malin yessss.

[@bodyofhope]

Yes, Chronic pain and also more broadly, Chronic illness.

[@numberoneKCfan]

YES! I have an incurable, debilitating and progressive autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis that causes chronic pain in my spine and throughout my body. Would love to see a video like this about chronic/incurable diseases

[@Moonshinexmoonshine]

I've got multiple sclerosis and the things people say are just so cliche

[@callmecrybaby6799]

what the hell she didn't even let him talk at 3:00 he barely got a chance to talk wtf??

[@thekawaiicripple]

I'd love if you could do a "things not to say to someone with a chronic illness" or "things not to say to someone who uses a wheelchair"

[@auroraprinses2567]

Arissa Dennis chronic illness definitely

[@zoeenos7915]

Arissa Dennis wheelchair lol the comments though

[@Gothmummi]

Ari Dennis they've done a wheelchair one. I'd like to see a chronic illness one.

[@spiritedrenee9895]

They did the wheelchair one :c!

[@hallwnby]

Omg ari hey!!

[@welovemichaeljacksonr.i.po6760]

I have a big chance of having cancer, so thankyou for making me smile

[@PaperadiGomma123]

Genetics or environmental exposure?

[@oliverjones4858]

Papera Di Gomma too many memes

[@fabulously695]

Georgiah Philips both my grandmother had cancer, one of them survived 7 years post and is still alive, the other passed away, having seen how it affects you, I will not seek treatment if I get it, an it's fairly likely that I will get it too, if not that, then something else as my family has a long list of genetic and chronic illnesss

[@PeoplepersonOG]

In my moms family, my grandma and grandpa died of cancer and my uncle had it and survived. In my dad's family, my aunt died of cancer.

[@njw387]

We love michael jackson R.i.p our king yeah literally all of my grandparents and a lot of my other relatives died of cancer so yannow

[@BradMcDee]

Both me and my mom were diagnosed with lymphoma (6 months apart at that). This video was phenomenal, we're both laughing way too hard at this!

[@PringlesOriginal445]

6 months apart, damnnnnn! Well ironically, I don't know the right thing to say XD But hope your both doing well. I'm in the process of getting a swollen lymphnode in my neck checked out *rolls eyes*. Hoping for the best atm.

[@andylujan1439]

My mom had been in remission for 6 months before I got diagnosed with lymphoma

[@andylujan1439]

What type of lymphoma may I ask? I had stage 4 hodgkins lymphoma

[@yeesusofsuburbia]

@@andylujan1439 Wow, are you ok now?

[@yeesusofsuburbia]

@@andylujan1439 And also, could you please explain a little the staging of cancer, cause when you hear stage 4 you get super serious and like oh... yeah. I mean, I'm kind of uninformed

[@markshepherd8354]

What about the people that always come out with " smoke some weed, it's shown to cure cancer"

[@GreenSnapShot]

Argh I hate that. And people with their ridiculous "home remedies" bloody idiots

[@Harry-hd6wn]

GreenSnapShot that was actually a question we were asked but they've obviously cut it! I do believe there are alternatives that work and cannabis works for many of my friends but I wouldn't want to take that risk...

[@applesaurus5041]

actually what they're recommending it for is to help with the chemo. My grandmother while on chemo and radiation could not stomach food, which is common for those under going those treatments. You just don't have an appetite. There's a chemical in weed that makes someone hungy. Which is why there's a push for medical weed being made for cancer patients. It's not to cure the cancer, but to help the person consume and keep down the food they need to fight cancer.

[@daviegarcia8050]

Southern Discomfort So that means you were bullshitting

[@fathimacader718]

Mark Shepherd i live in a country with a long gradition of native medicine , called ayurveda, that has proven effective. Many people i know have been cured with no chemo. Just because its not 'western medicine ' doesnt mean it doesnt work. its only 'alternative' to ppl who think the western world os the centre of the universe

[@MA-yu6wt]

Let the guy in white speak !!!! For god's sake ..

[@RM-eh7jc]

Feel sorry for the Asian guy, the woman in red didn't let him say a single word

[@mundanemonday46]

shrek the lad oh I thought he was Hispanic. He looks a lot like my cousin.

[@mundanemonday46]

momo bb dd he does look Indian but Indian is Asian.

[@mundanemonday46]

momo bb dd yeah, just don’t say Asian when excluding the Indians.

[@ava5688]

momo bb dd how are you a kpop stan and don’t know that Koreans aren’t the only types of asians

[@naturellemabunda]

momo bb dd you’re stupid because 1st of all, being indian IS being Asian, and 2nd of all, Ydk that

[@totestazz24]

I feel alone during treatment, this is extremely supportive thankyou ❤️ reminds me that I am not alone or have to change my behavior towards others who are less informed

[@lolataylor9158]

totes Aw believe me you're never alone❤ I wish the best for you and your future :)

[@hannahb.4287]

please do: things you're tired of hearing as a bulimic/anorexic, that would be so interisting..

[@samjones5379]

Anna v eat more

[@TheRandomPhangirl]

MrChaosTV wow, so edgy (!)

[@naomiplvs]

I think eating disorders as a whole would be a good one, cause binge eating disorder is an eating disorder too, and there's a lot of things they have to put up with hearing as well

[@notkaitlyn5368]

the edge is real

[@Avarioth]

Maaaaaybe MrChaosTV was just giving an example of something people that are bulemic/anorexic are tired of hearing...? Lol

[@Catqueen-lk4eq]

My Teacher Had Cancer and was given six months to live and here she is five yrs later. Strong and most importantly Alive.

[@alyssas.8202]

I relate to this so much!! I was diagnosed with childhood cancer (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) in 2013, the year I was turning 13. I have heard all these things during my cancer journey. I feel like I needed to educate people especially when people say "You don't look sick, you have hair, or your smiling." I have/had good days and not all chemos are all the same. I am so happy to be cancer free for 2 years and that I made it 17. I fought that battle for almost 3 years. I am still dealing with affects from the treatment, I have had my shoulder replaced and I have had knee surgery and am going to have another. That Is because of the chemo and steroids, I got AVN, which means my bones were deteriorating. The surgeries were to correct that. It was a hard journey and still is. There is always a chance it could come back but I stay strong, fight, and take care of myself (check ups regularly and tests). I have lost so many people and I will continue to fight for those lost and those who are currently fighting. I have/had Cancer but it didn't define who I was.

[@MsDestinydiva]

The woman in the red top drowns out the guy with her in the cream white top and hardly even lets him speak :(

[@livvjanee]

A cystic fibrosis/chronic illness one!

[@haleyswanson3368]

Liv Jane as someone with cf I agree!

[@katiebaker8782]

things not to say to someone whos had an abortion

[@kaelynsynna2428]

Katie Baker, murder.( even tho it’s true 🤷🏾‍♀️)

[@Rob-pf6yl]

Is it murder?

[@laurenmungaray3912]

Baby killer

[@lizmowrey9866]

YES!

[@sarahsherwood1011]

MURDERER people who have abortions belong in jail next to the other MURDERS 😡🤬😡

[@mossychaossystem920]

I'm happy to share a success story! My uncle had testicular cancer. He went through chemotherapy, and hormone therapy, and he finally beat it awhile back. He's healthy and happy with 2 kids. He has new allergies and stuff but he is alright with them!

[@jenniinatuuliainen5633]

now I know and understand more. But I am still scared of cancer😓I just can't help it. It's good that we have videos like this to help us understand more and maybe be less scared. Thank you guys.👍

[@shaniasmith647]

My great grandma had cancer. Thanks for making this

[@hahahefofmw]

I mean i don’t get how anyone could be mad being told they’re brave or inspirational, i never hear any of that having type 1 diabetes and i’d love for someone to tell me that i think i would burst into tears. Having an illness big or small isnt easy, i guess being told over and over could get on your nerves but honestly having ANY illness is scary and you are brave for pushing through it, you really are! don’t be offended when someone wants to express that to you because there a lot of illnesses that don’t get that type of attention.

[@dhiloviawookie]

As someone who has cancer I like it more when people treat me like usual. I mean I dont want other people to remind me every single day that I hv a cancer

[@milkbaggy__]

My dad had 3 types of cancer over 10 years. He came home from the hospital on my first birthday. My mom left when I was around 18 months to 2 or 3 years old, leading to my dad (with cancer) becoming a single father taking care of a little girl. He's fine now, no longer has cancer. I'm so happy for anyone who has survived cancer and pushed through. ❤💛💚💙💜

[@vanellaicecream9821]

People don't want a friend with cancer ? THAT is *sick* .

[@emberaya]

There was a girl in my school who had cancer two times. She survived the first time, but the second time she sadly passed away. I barely knew her but I still miss her.

[@trinityg.c6509]

Do a dyslexia one !!

[@madlad6606]

Trinity G.C yes!

[@bbbasha]

Ok

[@lghths]

Trinity G.C yes!! was just going to suggest this

[@lillylloyd-jones1526]

Yesss

[@Saba.2a]

I had a classmate who had blood cancer and I only found out when I was at the same hospital as his for an appointment. Now I know that I didn't react right because I gave him a hug and I said I'm really sorry. He didn't hug me and kept quiet. This was when i was doing GCSEs . We're still in touch and gonna be studying in the same uni and share some of the lectures. I love him so much. He beat the cancer and he became the best student of the year. He was on news too. I learnt a lot from this video. Thanks for helping us educating on these matters.

[@Tramp0]

Would love to see a "Things not to say to a person with epilepsy" I've got a few that I get a lot! "So does that mean you shake and roll around on the floor?" "Is that when flickering lights makes you have a seizure?" "Do you soil yourself?" "Are you sure it's not just a panic attack?" "Don't you think you're bringing these on yourself?" "You don't look epileptic?" "You don't look disabled" "Don't they have medication that can fix it?" "Can't you just have surgery?" "I've heard that stress brings on seizures, why not try meditating?" The list goes on and on and onz

[@isaacs8783]

Steve Lee Shit people are idiots! Sorry you have to go through that, I know those kind of people, they suck.

[@jorgemota155]

steve syncs i think they did that not sure though

[@bluehornet197]

@@jorgemota155 you think they did that? Did what? Who do you think did what? ANSWERS MATE

[@logansanders9307]

Please do this video I want this

[@AJBeetle1]

I'm really glad you made this one, I think it's needed. Cancer is so common now that everyone at some point will either get it themselves or have someone close to them get it, and yet I think most of us don't know what to say. I genuinely didn't know that some of the things they've mentioned were upsetting for people, and I am guilty of saying one or two of these things in the past. We need to be able to talk about cancer in a way that doesn't make things worse. Thanks for making this video.

[@CaptHarkyHark]

I'm a cancer survivor and some of those question are still annoying now as they were when I was going through treatments.

[@alicej.9722]

What not to say to short people

[@KindredKeepsake]

I sure hope so. ♥ I'm not short, but it's a topic that deserves it's own video. I already know a few off the top of my head, and not all of them are puns. "You are so cute/adorable/etc." "I could pick you up." "Can I pick you up?" "Do you need help reaching that?" "How old are you?" "You look like a kid." "They are always hiring stand-in elves." "Do you have a tall partner?"

[@skellexis404]

7BlackSheep I know that life...definitely deserves a video...

[@fleurbuckrell1934]

They’ve done that

[@yorkhunt5392]

just don't look down on them

[@leoplisetsky]

i'm short as hell compared to literally everyone else around me lmao and i'm not even thhhaaaaatttt short like i'm 5'2 but everyone is so much taller than me lmao ;-;

[@sophiak6396]

This is so accurate I'm 15 and I just finished treatment like 3 1/2 months ago and when ppl say "oh you're better now" it bothers the hell out of me cuz I'm not considered cured for another 5 years so I have no idea if I'm really better now...

[@molly7262]

Sophia Kaplanis how are you doing?

[@karenleepickett]

My biggest concern has been either brain cancer or colon cancer because of pre-existing health conditions. I had a mole that would not heal up and ended up with squamous cell carcinoma. The margins were clean, and I went merrily on my way. The sweetest comment I received was a lady who saw my bandage and asked if it was something she needed to pray about, and I said "Yes, please do". I realized that many of these videos do not really deal with "religious" views, but "may I pray for you" is something I would say.

[@ShirleyLestrade]

“Saying nothing is also good.” 👏 👏 👏 yes sir it is

[@Harry-hd6wn]

Yep, nothing is sometimes the best thing you can (not) say! 😉

[@ellie8461]

I had a good friend (we don’t talk as much anymore since I moved to a different school) who had stage 4 ovarian cancer. She was told at 16 that she would only have at most two years. She was put in hospice care a year after she was diagnosed/got treatment because there wasn’t anything left the doctors could do. The doctors honestly thought she was done for. I just talked to her this past summer and she’ll be celebrating her 23rd birthday soon 😊

[@Suisyo]

I honestly think so much more could have been added to the part "What to say?" as well as what to do... I think just genuine supportive words. Letting them know it's ok to feel down, to cry and that they don't have to act strong all the time. The same way you shouldn't tell someone with depression to just cheer up and look on the bright side, please don't say that to someone with Cancer. It was hard trying to make other people feel better, because I knew they were scared for me, but I was already emotionally struggling so it's tough trying to be strong all the time. Ask them if it's ok to tell others you know about it. It was so hard having to repeat the news to all my family and friends. I ended up sitting down the a few people closest to me and asked them to please spread the news for me to other close family & friends. But DON'T assume it's ok to share their personal medical business with others without asking first. I had someone do this to me when I wasn't ready to share yet with extended family, even after I specifically told them to please let me do it when I was ready. It was a big betrayal of my trust and left me having a ton of people messaging me and calling me that I wasn't yet ready to deal with. Seeing the looks on everyone's faces was one of the hardest parts. The looks of sadness or pity. They obviously care but it's hard being on the receiving end of that. If you're able to, try to hide looks of pity and just smile, be happy with them and when they need to cry, let them without judgement. Ask them what they need help with/offering help in any way you're able would be the best thing to do. Chemo is so exhausting and can be very painful. It's hard to get out of bed and can be impossible some days. Offering to run errands, cook for the kids/them, offering to go with them on appointments or during chemo treatments are all super helpful. But try to communicate openly with them, and make sure they welcome this kind of help. Some people are strong willed and not everyone takes it well. Cancer gives a feeling of loss of control and if that spreads to other areas of your life it can be frustrating. If you live with them, or they live alone, please check on your loved ones and make sure they're getting enough fluids, and eating when they can (sometimes you get wiped out by chemo and can go all day sleeping and not eating/drinking **It's super important to drink lots of water after chemo). If you offer to help cook for them (which is super helpful) just double check what foods they can't eat because chemo makes a lot of things smell awful and taste awful, also your mouth gets sore so acidic foods can hurt. I am Italian but during chemo I couldn't stand the smell and taste of pasta and sauce for example and it hurt to eat. If you're really motivated, looking up your loved ones specific type of cancer can be super helpful, because you can learn a lot about what they're going through without having to make them go over it with you. Trust me, you get super exhausted fighting cancer and it's mentally and emotionally taxing to have to repeat the same things over and over, which you have to do because you'll end up going to many different doctors and dealing with other matters like work/school, possibly even state offices like disability etc for benefits. It's a lot. If anyone actually got through all this you're a trooper. I hope my rambling helps anyone wondering what to do/not to do to help a loved one with cancer.

[@Kyon871]

I've been binge watching this series and I've noticed they tend to talk to each other and not the camera, and I think that's so cool. I love that social media can bring people together especially people who thought they were alone or so different, now here's someone they can relate to.

[@totestazz24]

going through treatment makes me feel alone, but this shows me I'm not ❤️ reminds me I don't have to change my behavior towards others with less a understanding of cancer

[@charliefossey507]

totes ❤️❤️❤️

[@elys-p58]

I was trying to create a character with cancer and this video has really helped me understand what they go through even outside of the hospital. It’s amazing-it’s aLmOsT lIkE tHeY’rE nOrMaL pEoPlE. No but seriously I love this series so much-

[@GIguy]

100% accurate, and then some! It’s one of the curses of having an invisible disability, at least that’s what I like to call it. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at age 20, and diagnosed with colon cancer at age 21. I am now 49 years old, over the past 29 years I have had 34 operations leaving me with only 5% of my entire G.I. tract, yet to this day I still face a constant barrage of idiotic comments and questions and accusations. This may sound crazy, but there are times that I wish I had a visible disability, such as an amputation. When I was 46 I was forced to retire because of my health, previous to that I worked in the healthcare profession since the age of 23 (I managed to get my Masters degree while I was going through my operations, I had a lot of time to kill, and I didn’t know how long I would be sick for, so I knew that I had to have a career plan, regardless of what was going to happen to me). You would think people who work at the hospital will be a little more open-minded, but you would be dead wrong. I can’t tell you how many times I overheard people talking behind my back, accusing me of faking my illnesses just so I can get off work, yeah, right! If only that were so, they have no idea of the nightmares that I’ve been through, of the five separate times I nearly died, of the months of hospitalizations, just sitting there praying that you’ll survive, terrified that you’re going to die. When I see is people I haven’t saw for a long time, the first thing out of their mouth is usually “ you look terrific!, Lost so much weight, I don’t believe that you’re really sick”....or the good old “ but you don’t look sick”....AGHHHHHHH!!!!! I can deal with a lot of things, I’ve beaten cancer four times now, and I’m left with almost no internal organs, but I cannot deal with people and their ignorance! It’s hard enough to go through all this, but the face so much ignorance is the proverbial straw that broke the camels back! It’s funny when you ask people what they think I should look like, they never have a response, and usually turn Red with embarrassment, as it should be! If you’re going to ask a stupid question be prepared to be humiliated, because I will not hesitate to tell anybody off displays such idiocy and ignorance. Why do people always feel the need to tell you of the people they know that had cancer, and then tell you that they’re dead, seriously? I think a lot of times people don’t mean to be malicious, but facing somebody who has a deadly illness makes him very uncomfortable, and not knowing what to say, they just blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind, just for the sake of it. I belong to many online support groups, But one of my favourites is a Facebook group with entitled “but you don’t look sick”..... every single one of us has the same story, in regards to the way people treat us because we have a deadly disease, or in my case, because I have multiple deadly diseases. By all rights I should’ve died many years ago, but thank God, literally!, I’m still here, but I don’t want to face anymore stupid questions or ignorant assumptions just because I don’t look like I’m at deaths door. With the help of my therapist, and trust me, having to go through all that you need a therapist, I’ve learned to laugh at all the ignorance and stupidity out there, I’ve learned to turn it around and teach those ignorant to my situation, that the last thing we want to hear about your friend that died of cancer, but we’re going through chemotherapy and radiation, and personally, I don’t want to talk about it at all, I want to talk about something else that distracts me and makes me remember every day life, something which I rarely get to think of, because I’m too busy either having more surgeries, going to one of my 14 different doctors, or just dealing with my altered reality. Believe you me, if you would’ve asked me, before I was 20, if I thought I was going to face all this I would’ve laughed at you....Nobody plans on getting sick, nobody wants it, and we all do our best to cope with it the best way we can, but I beg all of you, please do not make any assumptions just because we don’t fit a certain look that you had in your head. I’m very happy to answer any logical questions anybody has, but I will not tolerate ignorance and stupidity, nor should I, just like you, I just wanna go on with my life, and try my best to not think about dying every single day of my life. For the moment I’m stable and cancer free, but, all those years of chemotherapy, radiation therapy, drug therapies, and surgeries, I’m left with over a dozen chronic illnesses, that was side effects of all the treatment. And yet to look at me you’d never know I was sick, if I take off my shirt you can tell instantly that I’ve had a lot of surgery, my abdomen is horribly scarred, and I have my small bowel sticking out of my lower right abdomen. I just wish that I lived in a world where I didn’t have to face so much ignorance and insensitivity, because your mental health takes one hell of a beating going through all this, and the last thing we need is more stress, so please if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all, I’d rather face silence then ignorance, thanks for listening!

[@gorilla-grip-pussy-support7976]

I’m sorry you’ve been through all that!! People can drive you absolutely crazy with their ignorance, there needs to be an overhaul of what people think illness looks like.

[@sisterstina3700]

I hope all of these people get better again!! Health is the most important thing ever! Be grateful if you are healthy!

[@BMarie774]

Timing is everything. When someone is clearly doubting themselves, that's when you come in as a friend and reaffirm they're going to absolutely beat the living shit out of cancer. Don't do so in an emotional, sad way. Get them laughing. Bring the spirits UP. But when it's just a normal situation and a normal day, there's no reason to come out with these sorts of things out of the blue.

[@addiererecich2464]

I have a buddy who has cancer. this is the first video I watched after I found out, and this helped me learn what he's kinda going through, and what I should and shouldn't say.

[@geebygeeb9940]

I'm the primary carer for my mum who was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer 2 1/2 years ago, and generally my mum has a very bubbly and sociable personality - one of her best traits! But that apparently means she has the "right attitude for cancer"... I know people mean well but there is nothing more patronizing to me and especially to her than people saying that. It feels like she deserved cancer - "Oh she's nice person with a positive attitude, HERE have a tumour!" Again I know people mean well but it really gets to us.

[@hippiechickie18]

I also feel like that's shaming people who don't have as positive an attitude or mental illness along with their cancer.

[@lovechronograph]

Can you do Schizophrenia?

[@finnpeters7867]

Southern Discomfort nah

[@justanotherzombieFJ]

Samson Ray they have now

[@annawoodland7790]

They done that one

[@siennaellis8252]

they have done that

[@marlilauren4539]

My mom has stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer. She always gets comments like "at least you're still here!" Or people nodding and smiling at her patronizingly. I mean, she shrugs it off because others just don't know and can't relate.

[@Amy-yv4ry]

I can't say I related to this that much, I can think of much worse things I've had said to me / happen. Taking this moment to say most nurses are absolutely amazing.

[@wendysgobbo1638]

I have been in remission for almost 4 years from a rare cancer called Ewings Sarcoma. I was 32 at diagnoses so everyone assumed that I had breast cancer. I think most people mean well, but some of them say the dumbest things!

[@mosleymokgosi5033]

the last part is what got to me 'realising' the amount of support you have it gives you strenth to keep waking up everyday

[@panpani5079]

I would love to watch "Things TO SAY to people with cancer" because maybe it's my stupid ass but I have a friend who was recently diagnosed and I honestly don't know how to act. All other friends were crying and hugging her but I don't know if this is something you should do. I just feel like this person is pretty bummed out already.

[@user-xy4ff5yp7b]

BBC 3, please can you do a series on WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY to people...this would be really helpful so we can know how to support people’s experiences, rather than just what not to say. Thanks ❤️

[@LeeKnowsCatss]

I love these videos. It's interesting to see how similar people's reactions to certain things are, and how most of the time people will try and say something comforting or something to show that they are familiar with your situation. Also interesting that most of the time, these are perceived as annoying or condescending; and that perhaps our empathy levels are not as good as we think they are.

[@qataribananahamock1495]

According to these people you cant say anything or do anything and not offending them. Being positive or negative, talking to them or not, staying in contact or not. All aside, I wish them quick recovery.

[@raymonddavis1370]

20 or so years ago I beat Cancer for the second and ( hopefully)the last time. I usually share this with people who I find in a similar situation and it is not always appreciated. I also share that I spent a year on chemo and it is not always appreciated.I also offer for discussion my life and health since and sometimes get the kinds of faces people are making in this tape. And it never bothers me because, even though some of the more douchey comments will NEVER seem okay, I also remember that there were days when I was sick and angry and anything someone said was not okay and nobody's input was appreciated and people saying nothing was not appreciated and people who really do care about someone close with cancer have to be okay with that because HELL... I'VE GOT CANCER AND NOTHING IS OKAY AND I JUST WANT TO BE ANGRY!!... That is not to say everybody has good intentions but...Do they even really matter??? When I was crawling along the bottom of my chemo experience I didn't give two shits about some melodramatic fool blurting out "OH YOU'RE JUST SO BRAVE!"" In the end, you can try whatever you think might help and if it does it does and if it doesn't just ask 'Is there anything I can do that would help?"There is also one other thing I also always mention because it was a game-changer for me. Go to a cancer support group . Not one run by cancer professionals (although some times they can offer technical info )but just a group of people going through cancer or people that have beat cancer or people whose spouse or child has cancer.. These are going to be the people who can share the genuine experience with you. They can cry and it's okay .They can make REALLY BAD cancer jokes that no one else could make. They can make you feel not alone...and that's always okay and always appreciated.

[@DxrpyYT]

As someone who had Leukemia, I'm thankful I had only 2 of these questions asked to :) (EXCEPT THE "IS IT CATCHING")

[@Andycancerjourney2013]

I love this and it's such a good way of getting this across to others! Thank you so much to all involved 💯🙌🙏✌❤

[@arihuertas4423]

I love how joyful all these people are❤❤❤

[@loftyradish6972]

My response when people tell me they have cancer is to just say"oh, well that is shit." And my follow up questions if the person seems to want to talk about it are generally "how are you coping?" "Do you have good support?" It seems to go down pretty well generally.

[@julietuifua6601]

This makes me so happy, because I’ve been told by doctors and family members: “you’re screwed” because both my parents family has cancer, my mum had breast cancer as well as my grandmother. I just think this really proves to me that if I’m to get the cancer gene, I can get through it with a positive attitude like these guys.

[@unknown-fv5nu]

My mum had cancer and died 3 years ago. Heard a couple of these with her .. hmmmm .. some people just don't have a clue

[@adnanm.558]

THINGS NOT TO SAY IS GREAT. People who dont understand, can learn so much

[@lolibud101]

I've been cancer free for 8 years and I'm still laughing at how true it is that people actually said these things

[@nintendogamer4703]

Can’t believe I’m only watching this now. Still get asked the questions. Loved the video🙏🏼😩

[@nicho.7400]

When someone says "Wow your so brave" it's basically the same as telling someone who just got a door smacked in their face that they are brave, only difference cancer is deadly and doors to face as deadly

[@niamhseren9913]

I love this. I have a chronic illness and I relate to many of this comments. Especially but you don't look sick.

[@rileyford1481]

A multiple Personality disorder video! I feel like it would be really interesting into what they would say

[@KindredKeepsake]

That would be amazing. ♥

[@Avarioth]

Southern Discomfort - Schizophrenia is not MPD/DID...

[@normalnani893]

my son is done with chemo today, officially. man, I can't remember a day I was this happy, I mean, I haven't been a great father but I just came to realize how much I do love my son and I do want to be there for him all along

[@TigerPrawn_]

I think more people should adopt!

[@BadActingWYIM]

Kats987124 agreed

[@BadActingWYIM]

Kats987124 i have always wanted to foster or adopt a bunch of teens. i was a newborn nanny my whole life so ive had my fill with babies. ok im only 24 but im starting to feel maternal. but staying strong. besides. i have pcos

[@BadActingWYIM]

Kats987124 and a.d.d clearly

[@catherinem1745]

Or maybe less people should get pregnant, or more people should get an abortion

[@lizmowrey9866]

Same!

[@lolar7707]

my friend has cancer and he’s thankfully alive and is far from going to stage 2. next year i’m going to be shaving my hair (and raising money) for cancer research for the third time and i can’t wait, i love helping people and i hope i can help my friend in anyway i can.

[@Popsicles-nd4fc]

can you do an ocd one??

[@KindredKeepsake]

That would be nice. OCD is heavily glamorized. e_e Be nice for some real talk.

[@Popsicles-nd4fc]

Yea, like a lot of people learn about conditions and things from these videos and people think ocd is like a cute quirk that you want when really it is scary, horrible and time consuming

[@KindredKeepsake]

Exactly. It's not just wanting to be neat, it's failing to leave the house until you have checked the most trivial things several times. It's constantly following you at school, work, or at social gatherings because it's hard to set that paranoia aside even for a moment. It's even having a mental breakdown if the slightest detail is out of place. What if I didn't lock my door? What if the window wasn't shut? Did I forget my keys, wallet, grocery list? Such thoughts stay, despite the verification and encouragement. Hell, I have it to a minor degree. I need to make sure all my lines are aligned, whether they are written or typed. Even if it's something trivial, I will painstakingly tailor them.

[@markncely7578]

The #1 most hated most used most unappreciated phrase I keep getting is "I'm going to keep you in my prayers"

[@Samuel115s]

1:21 seriously? when i hear cancer i think death sentence. its so scary.

[@ellahere6214]

Depends on the type of cancer, and if it`s spreading or not.

[@vademarofxeroes8416]

Sometimes it's not even instant death. It can be slow and painful and you can even lose body parts to it.

[@Samuel115s]

Waldemar Konstantin Snow I know. It's so scary.

[@ProdigyAngel33_Nagichan]

Ovarian cancer survivor here. Now days it's not the death sentence it used to be even a few decades ago. Mine was late stage..and I am now in remission although I will always have doctors appointments and up keep now. But I should have a normal life span...I was in my 20's when I was diagnosed

[@vampireleniore]

I have breast cancer, stage 3. The chances of me living past 33 are 85%. That scares the crap out of me, but I remind myself that's probably most people's chance of living another five years. It's just a lot of people who will die within five years at my age die from accidents or overdosing, as well as unnatural causes and I have to have this thing looming over me like a rain cloud. I immediately asked how long I had after my surgery because I thought it was a death sentence.

[@imenehariri2139]

When i watch these videos, most of the things that offend them are actually people's way to show compassion, it is hard to find words when faced in a situation like this and tbh i wish we'd get to understand eachother better.

[@camx457]

Never have I ever heard someone cheer for her period, but when ur told u can't carry a kid, well that's a whole different story

[@elliemldn]

This is another great video! I'd love 'things not to say to someone who has self harmed'. Keep up the good work!

[@tball5677]

I was told I was making my stage 4 lung cancer " out to be more than it really was".

[@AtlasInTheWest]

I am keeping this in mind for visiting my grandmother.

[@lj7295]

I had aml cancer when I was 3 and had a 30% chance of living they thought I was only going to live for a year but I’m 13 and I’m cancer free

[@buradi90]

I hate being told I'm strong and brave. I hate that people think I must be healthy because I'm 16 years in remission, but I'm still disabled. And, yeah, every thing makes you worry it could be back.

[@MikeyJMJ]

Can you please do one for Social Anxiety and Asbergers

[@sofiagaia91]

o god.. it's so reliable! i don't have cancer, i have multiple sclerosis.. when i got diagnosed my aunt kept sending me articles about amazing new cures that didn't exist, or about people on a wheelchair playin basketball to raise money ... and people are constantly telling me how brave i am or "wow, you're such an inspiration", or "if it was me i would have been so much sadder or angrier".. and i'm like "ok...you know, i'22 (25 now), sometimes i'm sad too, or scared or angry 'cause this thing will grow with me 'till the day i die.. but i have no alternatives" ... you just smile politely and nod and thank and go on living your life i guess... =)

[@TheNailFairy101]

I hear the one about their family members ALL THE DAMN TIME

[@shim-1127]

i love this series because it teaches me what makes some people uncomfortable, like most of the time when people talk they don't think about what their saying it might be offensive or rude or just makes the person uncomfortable , it's educational and fun videos to watch 💗.

[@popsterna]

Can you do a dyslexia and or ADHD one I have so many for both

[@madlad6606]

curlsonasilhouette .dotyes!

[@kingkendrick6663]

ADHD

[@emster9222]

Becky MacQueen lol I have dyslexia and ADHD 😂😂

[@amycochrane4898]

The "monitored for years" thing is completely right. I've been out of the hospital for 13/14 years now, and I'm still being monitored. Only two months ago did they say "it's probably gone" the first time we've head that it's gone in 13 years

[@schnauzermom6352]

There MUST be something wrong with me. The same day I got my cancer diagnosis I was cracking jokes about it. My husband had to tell me to quit. I never cried or got upset over it. I was waiting for the devastation and fear to set in and it never did. Anyone else respond like that?

[@amarahsboringchannel1715]

I did the same thing

[@andylujan1439]

Dont worry I did the same thing

[@alexthebudgie9071]

schnauzer mom I was 12 when I was diagnosed. The night I was diagnosed, I cried. I wasn’t told. I had to figure it out myself. That was traumatic and I wish my parents just told me. I had a million questions, but my parents left the room. It went like this. Me:(quite happy. Just had my first ever blood test) Doctor: I will leave you too it. (Leaves room) Dad: (silence for a minute) you are very sick. You might lose your hair. Me:( rolls over onto my side)(thinks for a moment. Is silent for about two minutes) am I going to die? Dad: (bursts into tears) Me:(looks at my parents) Mum:(takes dad out the room) we are going to get a coffee. I cried. I was on my own for a half hour before a nurse came in. I didn’t ask any questions but I chatted with her. The next day I woke up as if nothing happened. I was laughing and cracking jokes about it. I called my sisters and they were crying. I told them they were being silly and told them I love them. I told them to let my friends know and let their friends know that they will be needing lots of hugs. I cried sometimes when I was in a lot of pain, but I barely cry now, and We constantly make dark jokes about it. The fear never really set in for me either, I finish next July and I am really excited for the day I am classed as ‘cancer-free’.

[@gabewright5571]

Actually, that's very good! Your NK cells respond very well to the production of dopamine and other joy chemicals and are stimulated to work harder to seek out and destroy cancer cells! This is why in many children's oncology hospitals (besides keeping an element of normalcy), they like to let the children have fun and do activities and interact with one another. It stimulates your body's own defenses against cancer.

[@AlucardPeach]

My sister's had cancer 4 times so far, and she didn't joke, but she never got the fear, either.

[@mottedreissig7874]

I find this series of videos very valuable and i am grateful the participants speak out in public. It gives the opportunity to reflect ones own reactions and promote in a general sense sensitivity towards others. Which i am all for. However i would love to see videos on "things to say to...". I think, very often people are talking nonsense because they just don´t know what to say.

[@laela6289]

Don't say: "You're so brave" Don't say: "You're a inspiration" Don't say: "Well, you can still be a mother through other means" Don't say: "Stay positive" So should we just say "Oh ok, good luck with that" and leave? I mean what the fuck are you suppose to say? If you are offended by everyone trying to comfort and reassure you, then please don't casually tell anyone that you have cancer. Perhaps, to your boss, or to those who will need to know. But if everything offends you, then avoid sharing. I do hope these people overcome such a scary chronic illness, but I also hope they understand to many others they're just trying to help and really do see them as brave/inspirational people.

[@maireadnic8280]

Kæla Brown: "I'm really sorry to hear that" "how are you managing" are good alternatives. I think they appreciate the the intent, but when you're just getting on with things, being told you're "so brave" can be quite uncomfortable and possibly make you feel a bit of a fraud. "Stay positive" is more nuanced. Personally I have always advocated a "pragmatic mental attitude" rather than a "positive" one, which allowed me the freedom of enjoying the good days, recognising that there will be bad days and set backs, but in most cases these will pass. I think in most cases that aren't terminal you have to think you'll get through it ok, or you'll go potty- you don't need to be told to it. Being sick is exhausting, and with the cult of positivity not only do you have to deal with that and every day stresses, there's having to be so bloody upbeat. So on bad days, not only are you feeling wretched, but a failure for not being "positive".

[@kuncovalucka]

Just talk to them normally if they don't want talk about cancer don't .. Like how was your day? normal things .. usually they don't want talk about it

[@laela6289]

Lucie Kuncová Yes, I would talk to anyone normally if that's how the conversation went. However, if you bring up the fact that you have cancer.. how the fuck do you expect people to respond?

[@laela6289]

Mairead NiC Ok.

[@kuncovalucka]

you know iam at nursery school .. and if they want to talk about it ... the only thing you have to do is listen you donť have to say anything because they know that they are not brave or insiration they feel shity .. you can say that it is hard and that you don´t know how they feel , but that you will be there for them .. not that they are inspiration .. like the pacients at hospital just say " please hold my hand" and we don´t talk at all. and then they say thank you for being here with me .. Speaking is silver, silence is golden

[@OceanAdrift]

yo BBC Three, thank you for this. Made me smile. You guys do a wonderful job of giving a humourous light to certain topics without making it disrespectful. May I ask what happened to the opening title sound effect? Always liked hearing it whenever I opened one of your videos

[@jesssecrest89]

I hated it when people wanted to cry Everytime they saw me. I put a note on all doors that criers would be asked to leave. it isn't fair to make me feel guilty for getting cancer BC your having a breakdown. Cry alone at home in the closet like decent people. lol. But not when u look at me. Everyone almost demands an emotional moment with u and they expect it.

[@bodyofhope]

Jess Secrest You shouldn't be expected to comfort everyone. If anything, they should be comforting you if necessary.

[@CountessChuchoteur]

THIS. Yes, I hate that!

[@kaileyfox9657]

My horse riding instructor has had breast cancer, and a type of cancer in her neck twice (battling it right now, actually. She's doing great)