Becoming Immune To Emotional Takeovers & Reclaiming Your Mental And Emotional Autonomy

An emotional takeover is when someone claims your autonomy and draws you in to be hyper-focussed on their emotional state and being there for them at the cost of your own priorities and wellbeing. In this video I explain how to recognize, understand and become immune to such emotional takeover attempts.
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00:00 Introduction
01:27 What Is An Emotional Takeover And An Emotionally Immature Relationship System?
04:24 Basic Assumption Of Someone Attempting An Emotional Takeover
05:07 Consequences Of An Emotionally Immature Relationship System And Emotional Takeovers
05:30 Where An Emotionally Immature Relationship System Comes From
06:03 We're All Existential Equals / One Person's Needs Are Not More Important Than Another's
07:50 Strengthening Our Immunity To Emotional Takeovers
07:50 1) You Have The Right To Autonomy
08:46 2) You Have The Right To Boundaries
09:34 3) You Have The Right To Effective Communication
10:10 4) You Have The Right To Self-love
❃❃❃ Reference And Recommended Reading ❃❃❃
Gibson, L. C. (2019). Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
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Hi! I'm Maika - a psychologist, course designer and KZbin creator. The purpose of my work is to assist you in becoming an expert at self-leadership, so you can live your life to the fullest.
"There is no passion to be found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." Nelson Mandela
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• 6 Strategies For Resis...
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▶ Boundaries Playlist:
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I do not make any warranties about the completeness, reliability and accuracy of the information given on this channel. Any action you take upon the information on this channel is strictly at your own risk, and I will not be liable for any losses and damages in connection to the use of my channel. The information I provide cannot be taken as a substitute for advice, diagnosis or treatment by mental health professionals. Please consult your health professionals before making health-related decisions.
#emotionaltakeover #emotionallyimmaturerelationshipsystem #selfleadershipexperts
Keywords: emotional takeover, emotionally immature relationship system, emotionally immature relationship, emotionally immature parents, emotionally immature partner, emotionally immature friend, emotionally immature, emotionally immature family, emotionally immature how to change, emotionally immature parents lindsay gibson, emotionally immature signs, autonomy explained, autonomy in relationships, how to be self determined

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

“A person can’t claim to be more important than anyone else just because they feel that way.“ (Lindsay C. Gibson)
 Remember to subscribe if you're new here 🙂 👉 t1p.de/2o0n and here are videos related to this one: ❃❃❃ What To Watch Next: ❃❃❃ ▶ 6 Strategies For Resisting Emotional Takeovers From Emotionally Immature People In Interactions kzbin.info/www/bejne/jGGqaJ99pMiaq6s ▶ 4 Steps To Handling Relationships With Emotionally Immature People | Emotional Maturity Awareness kzbin.info/www/bejne/eYSvmmubg7R_eLs ▶ Is It Offensive To Consider Some Adults To Be Emotionally Immature? kzbin.info/www/bejne/fmi7paeMoNSfp8U ▶ Emotional Intimacy Vs. Enmeshment: Where To Find True Connection kzbin.info/www/bejne/i3_bhXusls-ri9k ▶ Boundaries Playlist: kzbin.info/aero/PLzRKYOPcN3c8cAsy94uaCWyY6p1Nro4ZC ▶ “What If I'm The Emotionally Immature Person In A Relationship?” kzbin.info/www/bejne/mqCsnGafm9uLjrs ▶ 6 Questions To Measure Your Emotional Health And How To Improve It kzbin.info/www/bejne/gounoHmvZ5lkhac

[@drewwesley9506]

I prayed James 1:5 this morning, asked for wisdom, and am getting it. Just hurts to see things as they are, but enlightening.

[@realigninglife]

You just described my relationship with my mother.

[@rolapiepse2383]

Thank you. For me it takes courage to maintain distance to an emotionally immmature person in my life. Your advice helps.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I’m glad you found the video helpful! We just need to remember that we have the right not to blindly accept an emotionally immature person’s assumptions and expectations.

[@tripleairguns]

Wow... this is soooo true. An ex girlfriend. When you're in love you can really be blind. Boy was I blind but, once I realized I was being molded to her needs... it smacked me right in the face about this exact personality. I ended the relationship and became me again.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Oh yes, from my observation the grip of an emotionally immature relationship system is especially strong in romantic relationships and between parents and their children. I’m glad you found your way out of it and back to yourself.

[@AngelBien]

I’m the emotionally immature person. I got a lot of issues and I’ve “emotionally taken over” my mom and sisters. Now I see how bad it was and I’m not sure how to deal what the guilt and shame. I hate the person I’ve become but all I know is that I have a lot of pain that was ignored. And I don’t have anybody to open up to (and I’m sure if I did, they won’t like me anymore) and when I try to open up to my family before I fee like I’m not taken seriously or just dismissed so I became more and more aggressive and demanding. There’s just so much I need to change, and now I know I can’t unload on anybody. Ahh, it’s all too much.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I’m sorry you’re struggling like this. It sounds like it would really help you to talk to someone - a counselor or other mental professional. Families are always “systems” in which everyone plays their part. When a person has emotional difficulties in a family that’s not because something is wrong with the individual, but an expression of the “system” and the issues that are there in the whole family.

[@AngelBien]

@@DrMaikaSteinborn thanks for your comment doc. I’ll see what I can do. My therapist is very expensive and not always available. My sisters always tel me to just go to my therapist when I’m overwhelmed so it feels like an insult but I know I should go.

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

I'm sorry to hear it's not that easy for you. Sometimes a lot can change in a few sessions, or even just one...

[@bhavinidasi5123]

Thank you, great video

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

🌈☀️🙏🏻

[@user-kh7ef4ho4d]

Existentially equal

[@rachellel]

Great video

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Glad you liked it!

[@damayantidanijelacargonja6620]

Completely different than what I expected under this title, but so much needed! Real eyeopener!

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Oh, that‘s great ☀️, happy to hear it 🙂🌈🙋🏼‍♀️

[@kunalkhan1143]

Briliant, this is just Brilliant!!!!

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Glad it inspired you!

[@mariashumilova1784]

Thank you! 🙏💖💐

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

🙂🌸🦋

[@yasminepiva4924]

how about our own kids? The definition suits them perfectly

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Yes, everyone starts out depending on others to take care of them as children and as we grow up - if it goes well - we learn to take responsibility for ourselves and others, too. But children's claims for care and attention are different in a way, since their survival actually does depend on it. They are often ready to sacrifice a lot of themselves and their autonomy/authenticity to fit in and please their parents, since they depend on them. It helps them when their parents are aware of that tendency in children and can encourage their authenticity.

[@camillederose9020]

Yikes for me… I’m the one who takes over at times. Have absolutely been on the receiving end and think I may have over corrected. Would love to see a video with tips on how to not take over. Thank you!

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Hi Camille! My first thought when I read your comment was „I wonder, if she‘s just taking charge sometimes, but in a constructive sense?“ Some people have a natural leadership tendency, that they put to good use for themselves and the people in their lives while simultaneously giving others space to be themselves and also receive attention… Have you seen my video about emotional intimacy vs. enmeshment? kzbin.info/www/bejne/i3_bhXusls-ri9k It describes the main differences between relationships with and without emotional takeovers, it might answer your question and help you check if what you’re doing is really taking over emotionally. The main ingredient for not taking over emotionally is to give others time and attention, to listen to them and make room for them in relationships and their wishes, goals and character. Another important factor is to take responsibility for our own emotional state and not have expectations of others that are impossible to meet like expecting them to guess what’s wrong or fix our mood…

[@elizabeththacker5422]

Thank you Maika, as always I love your videos. I hope this reflection is helpful... (Just to preface, I have the feeling that you're not talking about the group of people I'm going to mention, but more about people who might be more consciously demanding of others time and denying them their assertive rights.) My intention is to check in. :) I feel that sometimes people who experience ADHD, autism, trauma or distress, in some situations, might come across the way you describe in your video, yet I'm wondering if what is needed in these cases is clear boundary setting, compassion, and reassurance (given in a way that feels right for all parties) that they are still wanted and accepted, with the scope to allow for reflection, growth, attempts to change, failure and learning? Am I picking up on that right? I'm keen to hear your thoughts. :)

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Elizabeth! They really resonate with me. Yes, this video is about people who choose not to self-reflect or listen to feedback and learn and grow as a general attitude; people who feel entitled and that it makes sense to be excessively demanding as a life philosophy. That’s different than when someone is going through a crisis, is suffering from trauma or may sometimes come across like they don’t care due to autism or ADHD… So like you’ve suggested when there’s scope for growth and an openness to reflection, honest conversation and learning, we can approach the relationship differently than when someone demands things to go their way no matter what… And I think you described that approach very fittingly - with compassion and reassurance. (Compassion, I think, always makes sense/is worth investing.) An ERIS as described in the video is when someone chooses more or less consciously not to care enough. Other cases where someone may be in a position of need, come across as uncaring (although they do and are open to talk about it) or if someone makes an honest mistake in a relationship aren’t an ERIS in the way Lindsay Gibson defines it. … in general, becoming more aware of our own rights as existential equals and getting better at taking care of ourselves which includes setting boundaries doesn’t have to mean we act less compassionately in relationships even with people who see themselves as the center of an EIRS. I think it’s always worth trying to have an honest conversation at first, we might be surprised at someone’s willingness to discuss things even if we’ve never had a conversation about the relationship with them before. Another thing that plays into this is that we also may be projecting an attitude of dominance onto someone, but what’s actually happening is that we are not letting them know what’s going on inside of us. So I think it’s wise to be careful and act compassionately in any case and give others a chance and only retreat from that after a couple attempts along the lines of how you described them. ❤️

[@ElevateDigital]

Great video Maika! Have you ever read reality transurfing by vadim zeland?

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Thank you! I haven’t read this book, what’s it about?

[@redblueiris]

...so what's the difference between that and narcissism?

[@DrMaikaSteinborn]

Narcissism is definitely a form of emotional immaturity that leads to emotional takeovers! It‘s one of several sub-types, so in addition to the main characteristics I‘ve mentioned there are some others like „love bombing“ at the beginning of relationships and feeling slighted easily…