Best way to handle disappointments. Stop cutting people off from life.

I’m Shridhar, a Counseling Psychologist. As humans, we hold expectations from people and our relationships. And with great expectations, come great disappointments too. Thus, getting disappointed is a very natural experience, closely tied to our very existence. That is why it is important to develop healthier ways of dealing with that disappointment. I talk of one such method in this video.
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0:00 Intro
0.20 Problem
1.13 The first obvious step
1.44 If first step fails, the helpful idea
3.08 My personal experience
6.03 Lessons from this story
6.50 Dealing with people who mistreat us
7.33 Application of the idea
7.40 A benefit of the idea
8.09 Specific cutting off
9.03 Two important questions to ask
9.27 Bayesian reasoning
10.13 Rapid fire truths
10.19 First rapid truth
10.26 Second rapid truth
10.37 Third rapid truth
10.52 Fourth rapid truth
11.09 Fifth rapid truth
11.44 Sixth rapid truth
12.07 Seventh rapid truth
12.19 Summary and conclusion
12.57 Need counseling from Shridhar Lifeschool?

[@sandrakavarana6793]

Shridhar, this not only is by far one of your best videos, it IS one of the best videos I've ever seen. The scale/spectrum you suggested is a superlative idea. Also, you ve indirectly instructed not to annihilate relationships based on impulse ,ego and anger, but your approach is rational and nurturesome. Your are blessed to be endowed with precocious thinking and wisdom. The viewers are in turn , blessed to see these clippings and even more blessed, if all this wisdom is put into practice.

[@dipaliacharekar]

yesterday I was disappointed with my close friend's lie ,saw your video on right time which helped me immediately,otherwise pata nahi kitna din ye feelings Dil me leke rehti,God bless❤

[@highonart2204]

Really helping me. If we keep cutting off people every time they fail to pass our standard we will be left with no people.

[@roja_p]

this is one of the best advices.. I needed this very much… thank you Shridhar for showing the way it should be done. thanks a lot

[@anagha3502]

Omg..i m feeling so blessed that i came across this video as it came to my rescue and just gave me a life! I could relate to every word that you said in this video bcoz i exactly used to react the same way when disappointments happened to me! I used to cut people out on wholesale 😂 and eventually get very hurt myself in the process! I loved this spectrum rating or this Bayesian technique of rating relationships as it gives us exact returns of our emotional energy investments with no loss and hurt, making life so much easy! Thank you so much Shreedhar for this outstanding video that I'll share with all those who i feel face the same problems as i did. Infact to tell you honestly i did apply this technique unknowingly many a times and it never failed in giving me happiness back but now since it came from you and felt stamped and definite, is a life saviour when it comes to relationships ❤️ Thank you! I have subscribed your channel already 😊👍

[@nainajdn]

This video has become a very important lesson for me. I'll come back again to learn norms to manage societal functionings

[@mswr3351]

I have best friend from 1st standard.. we have been together since 25 years.. we both have disappointed each other a lot since childhood.. but I feel proud that both of us chose our friendship over ego’s and now our friendship is mature enough to handle small disappointment.. we understand better.. this the only relationship I am proud of because two people made it work… ❤ I learned how relation grows with time and we better understand and accept each other and value the presence in lives ❤

[@aliciagc2539]

Thank you. You just saved me an entire session with my therapist.

[@mleys3248]

I am so guilty of that. My whole life I have been really quick to write a person off. Your proposal is a much more balanced and a really mature way to handle relationships. I kind of sort of have been doing your approach in the last year (I am 52). But hey, it is never too late to change ones behavior. 🤷‍♀🤷‍♀ I will only make two exception to this new behavior : I will no longer tolerate narcissists and people that drain my energy. If I feel energyzed by your presence you will be on the scale as of 5 up. Narcissists that are close family are at 1. I can support them 30 min to an hour every 2 months. But sometimes, you can not believe how they can F up your mind in that short amount of time. Their comments and efforts to bring you down sometimes linger for weeks and stop you from growing and progressing in live. Thank you for this video. You just gained a subscriber. Love from Belgium

[@M6677quickontheuptake]

True, agree with your speech. I like it and sometimes I do the same what you have mentioned in your speech, thanks

[@sujeethaca]

Thank you so much for this video.. I was really disappointed because of someone for last few days.. This video really helped me to handle the issue..

[@deepaparthasarathy9179]

This is such a great video! This way of dealing with relationship should be taught at school at young ages and we will have a much happier planet. I realised that I am somewhat following this after years and years of experience and disappointments. This is a very very important video. I would like to meet you someday. Always a pleasure listening to you. Good face and brilliant mind is a rare combination 😀

[@bharati6190]

You arey so right! Schools should be teaching this stuff. I found this video this morning, and I am listening to it the third time and have also saved it for future and shared it with friends.

[@jytr123]

Yes agree he is handsome too ya 😉 ideal husband material.. lucky his wife 😁

[@veereshmurgodi4839]

Glad to have watched this video. Needed to watch this badly. Thank you team for providing such great information and helping me come out of my negative mindset

[@sunitapatil2624]

One of the much needed and best videos. Very much relatable to each one of us and practically doable. Thank you so much Sridhar ji for such videos.

[@Deleted_account007]

Wonderful lesson..... Sometimes I feel hurts.... Why I don't have friends... Finally I realized I'm cutting off people who never priorities me.... I'm feeling blessed to watch your video .. ... Love and support from Tamilnadu 🙏

[@smritiyadav9962]

Very nicely explained Shridhar ji. I will share this video's experienced with my students in my next class. As they are adolescents ,they do go through such type of instances regularly. This will definitely gonna help them. 😊🙏💐

[@anonymousanonymous7208]

Different way of looking at things. Ordinary counsellors don’t give such good ideas on other platforms. This is so different.

[@hemantbanik]

Wow.. This is a gem of a video. Thanks for making this one! Very very needed.

[@manalidhotre2246]

Great perspective to deal with disappointments

[@aishwaryamohanty4171]

Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are. This is seriously too good to be true. I mean, i always keep on asking myself that will i ever get someone or something from where I can get some response to my questions my dilemmas. I really want to thank you for these amazing videos. I bless you from heart and thank you alot. 💕💕💕

[@stutigupta3008]

Today I learned a new way to handle the situation thank you sir🙏

[@ayushijoshi3139]

This video is a godsend. I am going through an incident in my life where i am just constantly thinking how cld xyz do thid to me? Did"nt xyz think how much certain action of theirs will hurt me? How cld xyz turn a stranger all of a sudden? Did"nt they care for me enough? ....nd the list goes on. It was literally eating me inside. Cld"nt focus on my studies as well. Just saw this video nd realised......koj or person ni, meri expectation hi mujhe hurt kr ri hai. I mean.... I was in love with the idea of that 'ideal xyz' but in real , they were never this. It was always my expectation. Nd when they did"nt make up to my expectation, i wld get upset nd dissappointed nd the whole cycle of overthing goes on. Thanku so much shree dhar. I kind of feel.....life is not tht complicated jitna hum usko dusro se expectation rkh ke or soch soch ke bna dete hai. 😄 THANKU FOR THE AMAZING CONTENT. U r the best ❤

[@bhaktikarekar6445]

Most Underrated channel on youtube! Golden content!

[@suppusoora]

I just love this !! It put me into this great mode of self-reflection ! What a simple idea, just put your relations on a spectrum! It’s a great idea! One question however is this works when I have to choose to meet with certain people for an hour or a day but what about the people who just barge in without checking if we are available or have some other commitments? There’s this one family of my husband’s friend’s, on a Friday night they just barge in without even checking on us if we have plans! And we out of hesitation or whatever can’t say anything as it seems like that we are making a big deal out of it! For instance, yesterday Friday evening , after work I had planned my time to the T as I had school assignments to finish and fix my daughters clothes for her school competition the next morning and I had some other commitments! So this family along with my husband decide to go for a night out which I was absolutely okay with as I was happy I got the house for myself to work peacefully! Around 9:15 pm this friends wife texts me that her daughter is coming to my house from a game and as I was checking the text I hear her daughter ring the doorbell! I was super pissed and did text her back saying that “I’m busy and my daughter is busy but my younger one is free she will entertain your daughter” but no fault of this child’s who showed up at my door hungry and tired (she had no clue that her mom had just texted me) !! By this time I had dinner and cleaned up the kitchen and set to working on my assignments! I fixed her a quick dinner and bed as she was going to stay that night The next morning was so crazy that I was in such a rush to fix breakfast and take my daughter to her school Now all this seems not a big deal to many people but I have a certain way that I work things out , why do people assume that everyone’s lives are just like theirs ? Just because they have time on a Friday night to go have fun how do they assume that it’s the same with me! I had commitments! Why can’t people get that everyone has their own idea of fun or response to situations !! How do I deal with this ? Please share tips and suggestions

[@bablishree4dzine]

Thank you 🙌 absolutely true.. we need to seek peace..we need to be true.. 🎉🎉❤

[@mamthabc498]

So you need to lower your expectations....🙃🙃 You have been a great help .....in self-help relationship s in my life... thanks a heap for that!!!

[@drnishanajaymathew]

The best video on how to manage and deal with people

[@Kanan-Shah]

Eye opener! Thankyou Shridharji for the much needed advice.

[@sharlottearuldas1260]

Shridhar, thank you very much for your insightful advice.A new perspective to my thinking

[@purnikaashok1397]

Wow that's really good and I needed that .... Thanks so much for the video.

[@guptarinu]

Lovely video … clarity of thoughts … Sridhar life school 👍👍👍

[@SaumyaYogaaa]

Thank you so much once again.... May God bless you with all the happiness of life

[@pratiadvani]

What a beautiful vdo... U made me realised so many things in such a simple way..😊

[@kavithajohn9642]

Speaking/addressing an issue that all of us face in a true, reliable, logical, engaging and entertaining manner, great job Shridhar and say my hello to ur team - shared this under the topic of 'resilience building in life' in my LinkedIn page. 👏

[@ketakidesai9897]

Thanks for a wonderful video as always.!All your videos make us introspect.

[@sp18888]

Very learned speech ,stay blessed

[@ssd333]

Thank you so much, really helpful and eye opener 🙏🏽

[@problemsolution267]

Shridhar u the best person I've ever heard.

[@annampadmapriya9632]

Very good video. I guess almost every person on earth will have relationship problems.This video is very much relevant

[@sunnieenglishmedium7082]

Very informative video, tnq so much . We have learnt a lesson today.

[@shivaninaswa7572]

You share a different perspective in all of your videos, something that a person would not think normally.

[@bhawnabundela780]

This video was so helpful. Thank god I came across this video. I needed that badly. Thanks Sir for giving such a nice advice.

[@dhiraj965]

Great perspective, and I came across this when I needed it the most

[@kavanaj9212]

Amazing Vedio Sir👏👌 Learnt to effectively deal with people

[@pixie89]

Thanks a lot. What a gem 💎

[@GammingGalaxy812]

Thank you for detail explanation. I think Now I know what how to prioritize the relationships

[@shambhavisharma4742]

Thankyou so much for this video...this will be really helpful ...As i feel this as a big problem in my life...but the way you taught us how to deal with this..can ultimately replace the unnecessary action that we might take whenever we get angry. Thankyou 👐

[@nishasharma131]

Sir you're absolutely amazing. Thanks for the much needed lesson.

[@stutidwivedi6449]

Simply amazing perspective 🙌🏻

[@tapanmishra6666]

A great lesson to deal with disappointments . I have learned a lot . Thank you Bhai . Carry On .

[@sonalbosamiya7718]

Nice video sir ...good tips for socializing...sir i request u too make video on dealing with inlaws and how to develop good healthy relationship as i m finding difficulty to maintain a balance regarding personal growth and their expectations for me

[@smitasharma8977]

Very true and simply superb

[@chitrabalakrishnan2725]

Best wishes to you Shridhar! 😊😊

[@recreateyourlifewithcharu250]

Realistic approach towards relations.

[@varshapatel979]

Very nicely explained, very helpful

[@vijayalakshmirj3273]

Thanku so much for this new perspective...i really have been struggling with my friendships each time reducing to zero

[@charujain581]

Very nicely explained 👌

[@madhurimabasak7168]

Why would you want a best friend who misses your birthday party for petty reasons?

[@monkeymind3917]

Thank you so much for your wisdom! 🥰🥰🥰

[@chelsialqx88]

Love this theories and solutions! Sounds workable for me

[@nv_thalia]

👍really nice video

[@raj_blogger_11]

Thanks buddy!! You just saved me from making a blunder. I am grateful to you!

[@kashishpasi5165]

this is very helpful thank you so much 🥰

[@Rapids929]

Amazingly covered. Best video i came across may days.. better than many tedx videos put together 👍

[@kateroth7154]

I loved this video. Thank you.

[@FervidlyCurious]

I needed this video, thank you so so much

[@tanusreemukherjee315]

I not only share your videos but also recommend all my friends to subscribe 🙏🙏 Thank you

[@jyotisethi4257]

Well explained.... always

[@health-fitness-knowledge-facts]

All i can say is THANKS !

[@chaitalidesai4065]

Great way to deal with people all together. Accepting the good in them and ignoring the bad and moving together rather co-existing. This video also reminded me of a scene from the movie Dear Zindagi,where SRK the psychologist explains how its unfair to expect everything from a single person ( your love interest) One should have different friends for diff areas of life.

[@bhuvaneshwaris6435]

Its indeed a creative way of managing emotions.. Thanks😊

[@mshivani1554]

Amazing video! :) It taught me an important lesson

[@SnigdhaParida]

What a relatable video - to the point of that friend who did not show up on your birthday! Except in my case it my was wedding day. It did tell me a message that she was probably purposely avoiding me, but like you said I moved on and later we do hang out sometimes in group of friends, but instead of 9-10 relationshion, it's more like in 4-5 now.

[@watermelonsugahiiiiiiiiiii3051]

What would you do if they want to be treated like a 9 and if you lower the rating and they have a problem. Behavior of 3 with expectations of 9. What do you do?

[@youonlyliveonce7994]

Such practical advices

[@rochellerajan10]

❤ Good one.

[@varunikulkarni1754]

Nice approach❤

[@magiclmomentwidhridansh2753]

Very Helpful....😊

[@dr.lakshmisruthi3392]

Great! theoretically explaining this topic and it can actually make a solution handy when we face a situation. It refined my thinking.

[@zunairakhalid4585]

One of your best videos

[@2010hy]

You my friend, make a good life guru.

[@M-od2im]

One should believe in their set definition of relationship be it friendship or colleague or partner. When you are not confident of who is who in your life you'll set yourself up for a big mess that would make you question your own thoughts. Just like how its explained in the video... Invest in those who love to invest in you. The Investment doesn't necessarily has to be equal it is subjective and should be personal

[@doctorj5968]

Excellent 👍

[@uzmakhan4222]

superb advice

[@Ananthaneni]

Enlightened by this video

[@abhishekpathania7093]

ahh nice, something new. Just thinking where this is coming from.

[@arunk-cw6kd]

Awesome 👍

[@Rush2KPK]

Excellent❤

[@sakshikumari1709]

Such a great video

[@aarteeydv6356]

Awesome ❤️

[@aditinagar4276]

loved it Thank you

[@supriyakaul6482]

Great work

[@kishmissqueen.219]

Thank you so much sir ❣️ I really need this ✨

[@Funny_bones7777]

Thank you for this video

[@PabiMalla]

for the example you gave, I can see two problems. one is that you feel someone is important to you but that person might not feel the same way. another is that you are over-expecting and so sometimes you will be disappointed

[@erhazet]

This is so great and so good

[@vidushiaggarwal1165]

Such a brilliant video!!

[@nechamascher7199]

Downgrading, lol Loved the video! So insightful!

[@sujatakshetri]

I used to think Less Liked Videos Are Because videos are less likable ...from this video I learnt ..It just a matter of Time for content creater and You 😉

[@Memepage9]

Wow this is so perfect way to handle these ppl 😂❤ I’m impressed 9:50

[@zestjaiarun]

Great video with a lot of great advice and content. However, there is one crucial information missing here: The distinction between tolerance to disappointments vs. tolerance to poor social behaviours. The former is covered very well here. However the ambuity comes due to the word "disappointment" being broadly generalised to engulf every unfulfilled expectation. Sometimes we get disappointed due to unexpected poor social behaviour from a person who scored is very high on our emotional spectrum. But the difficulty is handled by setting healthy "boundaries". e.g. Due to how important Rohit is in one's life, he can be tolerated with a slightly lower scale score because end of the day Rohit has still not shown poor social behaviour - he has not needlessly mocked, ridiculed, heckled you it the disguise of humour or fun. When Rohit is disappointing your expectations by activities and actions that are a part of a healthy/positive social connection ... you can use the method above. When Rohit (no matter how dear he is to you in the spectrum score with very high marks & rich history) is showing poor social behaviours towards you by demeaning you needlessly, publicly humiliating you, heckling you in the disguise of humour... even if Rohit was your own father or brother... you need to change your response to the situation by enforcing healthy social boundaries that can convert the engagement from a negative to a positive one. I wish you could do another video that distinguishes the difference between tolerance and setting healthy social boundaries. In India, we do not know the difference at all. Tolerating poor social behavior boundlessly is seen as a form of englightenment. Whereas in reality, it is the combination of both tolerance with boundaries - and the intelligence to know where to apply which in what dosage - which is true enlightenment. No other culture in the world tolerates poor social behavious like South Asians & Central Africans do - and we are the only ones who suffer for it. The video above is excellent and I do not mean to undermine its value in any way. I simply wish to add a use case which is commonly confused for general public.

[@watermelonsugahiiiiiiiiiii3051]

What would you do if they want to be treated like a 9 and if you lower the rating and they have a problem. Behavior of 3 with expectations of 9. What do you do? Communication failed. Wont accept what they did or did not see where they went wrong. This formula failed too. What do i do. I don't wanna cut herr off