Bill Burr - Advice: From Japan

billburr.com/ and www.allthingsco...

[@randyfletcher86]

I love how every other advice Bill Burr gives about women ends with "Dude, just rub one out and see if you still think it's a good idea" XD

[@Goblin_Hands]

+randyfletcher86 It's fantastic advice. If a picture is worth a thousand words, living a day must be countless. No amount of words could make Bill Burr truly understand the situation and it's factors or even the people involved 100%, so a personal and clear decision without the influence of a dick sometimes gives the best answer. It's also important to note that much of human progress has been driven by this insane and lustful force.

[@joshuarosales7554]

@@Goblin_Hands the 3 minutes after jacking one off is the most clear a man will think ever.

[@ZeranZeran]

It's good advice.

[@E-0921]

Like Bill said, there's this thing that could crush an empire 5 minutes or less and you think it's your friend. Our dicks are dreamers and a lot of times they dream too damn big.

[@deleteduser121]

Thats why masturbation when done in moderation is a weapon against depravity.

[@sidjtd]

0:26 I’m half Japanese raised outside of the US and I’m extremely offended at your impersonation of Asians. Please do it more often

[@bigbromiki1]

listen to matt and shane secret podcast, he does the best japanese accent

[@mightymoeish]

"round-eye" Bill is so clever

[@SippingVino]

mightymoeish cut my sides up

[@gangstalicious8006]

Oh man i know I'm a bit late but that's a good one

[@TIENxSHINHAN]

Native Americans used to call white people round eye

[@landonic81]

I'm dead

[@FrecklePecker]

It's a "Balls of Fury" reference. That's where I got it from. And no, that's not a porno, it's a comedic movie.

[@phucdo6085]

0:25 lol Bill's attempt at Japanese "apekatuuuwwww"

[@spasmolytic2]

exactly lmao

[@tracystephens5014]

Absolutely rollin!

[@brians380]

lmao I died at that part.

[@studyeye]

Sounded more like Cantonese to my ears

[@simunator]

I lost it at samurai sword

[@fellowcitizen]

"...to the jugular!"

[@InfinityZeroLive]

Same man.

[@bootlegstudios6508]

SAME

[@andresi8692]

Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Burr. He's got the wisdom of a Japanese Sensei in an American bar, wrapped in a Bostonian accent, delivered through the internet. Bravo, Bill... you nailed this one.

[@outdoormirrorist3404]

Bill Burr = a voice of sanity in a world gone mad.

[@CamRebires]

Ye call that mad?!

[@murphymcpoyle1735]

“Oh Jesus, maybe you should have.” That was an amazing twist.

[@vizthekid3470]

"Go rub one out right now" Bill is the only guy I would ever take that advice from and not question it.

[@shawnharris4747]

"Come on man don't do it" as I'm litteraly looking at a Reeses peanut butter cup

[@biiind]

"You're stepping into the world of her bad decision." Mind was blown, great point.

[@Wavemaninawe]

I didnt know Bill had a fetish for japanese women with southern accents.

[@LastAvailableAlias]

+Wavemaninawe They make awesome southern fried tofu

[@Wavemaninawe]

+LastAvailableAlias I heard that they also have a predilection for nascar and rhinestone trucker caps. Good thing that Nia seems confident and doesnt need to prove herself.

[@steveeaton7038]

+LastAvailableAlias Fried chicken fried rice

[@mrdropkicker1]

I mean.... I get it

[@jcnot9712]

Wavemaninawe I can only think of that one episode of Always Sunny.

[@kbbusiness24]

" one very japanese woman " lol

[@Mattropolis97]

Those of us WHITIES who’ve lived in japan get it.

[@peteranon8455]

"I'm a piece of shit, but I don't think I'm that much of a piece of shit." -Bill Burr

[@moburgsmyhero6974]

samurai sword to the jugular...lmao

[@TheFolkes1]

*"Think back when you were a kid and you thought about meeting the woman of your dreams, is that how you imagined it ?"* The best advise I've ever heard, genius and Bill probably didn't even notice.

[@seanmatthewking]

Okay, I guess all men are going to have to show up everywhere on white horses to get any woman.

[@why772]

Is one's view of such a thing as developed as can be when you're a kid?

[@smokythearsonist7119]

"you want a samurai sword going in your jugular?!"

[@chaz9808]

Damn I was in tears laughing so hard at this.

[@NORTHSHOREEDITS]

Round eye 😂😂bruh I’m dying

[@sp33kz]

"My lightsaber's not fuckin workin" HAHAHAHAHA

[@SirWalterSansRien]

The average 28 year old American that goes to work long-term as an English language specialist in Japan is typically not some alpha horndog, let's be real. They tend to be sensitive and lonely. They want meaning and romance. This guy might have given YEARS of his life away to this woman, serving as nothing more than her sidepiece, an accessory to this messy and depressing thing that is her life. But he realized he wanted more, and could maybe still find something more. I respect his decision to do what was right for him. Even though I totally would have smashed that.

[@MRJTD99]

Could've got away with both tbh

[@awakenow7147]

Well said man.

[@debaser1042]

Have you met many Japanese to English translators? I would guess that many of them are Japanese-Americans in the first place.

[@ppumpkin3282]

Translators make minimum wage. They are are dime a dozen. Lots wrong with a roll in the hay. Years ago, I lived in NYC. I had several room mates - one was a Japanese woman. She had an attractive married japanese woman who came to stay for visit. Since my roommate had a small room I joked to my roomate "hey Kumi can sleep with me tonight" - she laughed, but then her married friend came to join me in my bed that night. Maybe its a Japanese thing.

[@ConfusedGeriatric]

Really had me for the whole first bit then you came down to my scumbag level at the end. Bless you brother

[@slplp3]

I lived in Japan for 6 years, there are A LOT of loveless marriages. At least she told him she was married, that's not how my situation went down.

[@cristianrios8804]

If you read this Please, tell us your story

[@seanmatthewking]

Cristian Rios He can’t. He got samuraied and thrown in the straightened river or w/e tf Bill said lol

[@strangestdudehsp]

Bill Burr is now my favorite comedian.

[@danielbrown1724]

Our penises really do have a mind of their own. “Relax, stand-down, I’ve got this”🤣🤣 Bill is always on point, I love this bloke 🤘🤘🤘🤘😆

[@lightningfarronxp8899]

Mad respect on dudes part. I would have told her straight up "go get a divorce and explain to little billy why you split up first. Then we'll talk". If theres even a slight chance of them working it out, ill wait it out. Maybe im too empathetic.

[@jc.1191]

That's a cheater, hell no

[@justinp627]

"Relax, stand down. I got this"

[@fooooooooooooooo]

4:45 "well maybe you should have" Evil laugh 😂

[@milkymanway]

Having affairs is pretty common in Japan, and sexless marriages are at least somewhat common. I really respect this guy for not doing it, but I would understand if he did go through with it. It's too bad, but that's how it is out there. That's one of the reasons why their sex/porn industry is so huge. Prostitution is legal as long as it is within certain districts (every major city has a red-light district) and prostitutes work in licensed businesses. There's also "host" clubs that are for women,which are basically male escorts who are paid to hang out, drink, talk to, and basically act like a boyfriend (but hosts don't have sex with their clients, surprisingly, considering how much money they make). The sexual dynamics in Japan are pretty screwed up and its sad, but it has a lot to do with their culture/social expectations

[@perrybb2]

Cheating and sexless marriages are common pretty much everywhere my guy

[@AmmaraSHAH773377]

Never realised how sleezy the highschool host club anime was befor e i finally learnt about a female host thing and put the two together

[@seanmatthewking]

Mason Stahl They can be more common in some places.

[@skateboarding118]

@@perrybb2 It is expected that you have a side chick(s) in Japan. Marriages are mostly solely a business partnership, that’s it. You generally don’t even live with the person you’ll marry prior to marriage, and you don’t wait around in non-marriage limbo. You get married shortly after meeting each other. Then you both go your separate ways, spending long long hours at work. Office affairs are the norm there. I’m half Japanese.

[@landonic81]

I lost it at "round eye" 😂😂😂

[@ZeranZeran]

"Now she's walking back thinking.. what's wrong with MY light sabre?" lmao what

[@Rikitocker]

"Duk duk dowwwww ... how people jump on that shit!" Hahahahaha ...

[@inpropagation]

Come on now Billy Dickbrain, Japanese language is flat as fuck and relatively easy to pronounce. It's the grammar and syntax that gets super complicated.

[@donzaloog1400]

He made the right choice there. don't break up a family with a kid. If she's not happy let her grow a pair and divorce her husband. That family gonna come to an end, that doesn't mean you have to be the catalyst.

[@teddyhart2913]

One of my first introductions to bill burr

[@BNG1Fdarest]

I love this man's wisdom! you the shit Bill...seriously..you the man

[@iCircleKi]

I’m bringing back white racial slurs with ya. Round eye is now in my collection.

[@RageRomantic]

Japanese is not that are to learn. Best thing to do is get the fact that it’s “ridiculously hard” out of your head as that’s an initial barrier. My daughter loves anime so as all the good parents do, I stayed up late for a whole month teaching myself Japanese & now I’m in a position to be able to teach her the basics & more. Start with hiragana, then katakana, then kanji. Japanese language is a lot easier to learn than people think. Anyone can learn it but you can’t if you’re telling yourself it’s impossible.

[@TetraVaalBioSecurity]

"Round eye" LOL.

[@NecromancyKing]

Sounds like the plot to "The Grudge" xD

[@maxd2215]

Last train gone... Isn't that convenient... 😁 exactly Bill

[@myheartisinyou]

ROUND EYE LOL HAHAHAH this guy is the best

[@aMANinaSUIT]

I lived in Japan for 7 years and am desperately trying to move back there.

[@danielchoy7030]

Bill Burr on japanese: Tek Tak Taoooo

[@asparrow9876]

loooooooool

[@andrewd1923]

Incredible story. Awesome

[@1320Bushido]

Thank for the heads up.

[@pavlovsworld9122]

If I was to rank the best advice burr has ever recorded this one would be number 1.

[@immaog34]

You,Mr. Burr, are absolutely awesome! I'd love to meet u someday!

[@Shadowcam00]

Best to cover your ass. Don't get yourself involved with other people's relationship problems, especially coworkers. If it's someone you meet online or something, and you don't have any normal contact with them, then that's different; but people connected to your personal or professional circle are trouble.

[@notrealy180217]

+Cam108 Most of us would agree. So its easy to say that its never really an accident. Some people get off to betrayal.

[@prestonthegodless1005]

Japanese girl in japan.... Do it Where is your honor Your sense of colonialism?? Shame

[@Ethan-fh9lq]

Is a Japanese person criticizing someone from another country for colonialism? edit: or maybe you mean something else by colonialism and we're just having a translation mix up. Or wait? Are you saying he should do it? I'm confused. Is it honorable to do it or not to? Sorry I'm stupid.

[@99names16]

That is hilarious man hahah

[@jaredraynor9067]

Its a haiku ethan...

[@gabos7892]

-Round eye

[@BuBbLeBaThJaKe]

Jared Raynor that’s not a haiku lol haikus are 5-7-5

[@Matthew-ve7uv]

"Round eye"! Haha, fuck, I never heard that, it's fucking brilliant!

[@coreymoseley]

BILLLLLLLLLLLLL.....much love all the way from Barbados dude.

[@eBenkyou]

I have been in Japan for 19 years. It really isnt that hard to learn. You just have to put in the time.

[@bencrow9497]

“Round eye” 😂😂🤣🤣

[@jama3335]

samurai sword to the jugular ahahahah fuck i was on the floor at this point

[@raywhite9069]

I love when Bill gets hit with a fast ball or sudden turning point in a story "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!?" Hahahaha

[@JinJung24]

"oh jesus" fucking laughing my ass off

[@AE-ss6tq]

Man these stories are crazy. Suspenseful as fck.

[@devinbrown4454]

"Round eye" fuuuuccckkkk!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@midevilmonkeyterd]

even an American who learns Japanese is the bottom of the list in confidence . . . depressing as fuck.

[@habib205]

midevilmonkeyterd Depressing as fuck if you let it be depressing. Learn from his mistakes and make the best out of a bad situation, that is always really the only option. Feeling bad will solve nothing but actually make everything more worse as you are miserable, in order to succeed you always have to see the light in order to stay motivated.

[@midevilmonkeyterd]

you took me serious.... calm down.

[@habib205]

midevilmonkeyterd Dude there is literally no way for me to determine a double meaning out of your comment haha. There is no need to calm down because im as calm as can be hahaha.

[@cameronm2877]

Been binge watching these

[@asparrow9876]

Same lmfaoooo.

[@OoooHan]

What a guy

[@devinbrown4454]

Do it!!!

[@hijeejoo398]

A very Japanese woman.

[@stevenpham6734]

Bill Bur is my lord savior!

[@booperman2011]

"What the fuck is wrong with my thing" 😂😂😂

[@Georgenparis]

I love how people look to this guy for advice lol I’ve heard a few of these and he seems to give good advice who’d a thought lol

[@randymitchell5432]

Bill Burr!! Too Funny!!! #1 !!

[@anydaynow]

What I heard was it’s not cheating if it’s purely physical. According to some t.v. show I saw a decade ago about japan. Like, it was common practice for partners to solicit sex workers.

[@MrBlazzin101]

Scar frace?? Don't think I've seen that one

[@jackmioff100]

That's the Japanese version.

[@arleatham]

I lived in Japan for 2 years. I would never live there ever again.

[@arleatham]

***** The culture is far too different from America. You will always be the foreigner there, no matter how well you speak, or have integrated. Japanese society is racist towards anyone who is not 100% ethnically Japanese. I am a tour guide for Japanese people and am referred to as a "foreigner" in my own country. I could go on and on, but to keep it brief, myself or my children would never be accepted, to be employed I would owe my company my life and never see my family, and the rights I get to enjoy as an American, are almost nonexistent over there.

[@HooverBeast]

+Andrew Leatham that same self-obsessed inner voice in the japanese is the same reason why they have/had way too many salary men worked to death, (suicide commiting) samuraris, a declining birth rate where ADULT diapers outnumber the babies, so many desperate women, a persisting isolationist attitude, etc. you see obsession in every single degree that your head can turn

[@aiaraki6846]

@@arleatham I feel you. I'm Japanese, but grew up speaking english as my first language. I understand the Japanese people a bit more now. The reason why discrimination is a big part of the Japanese people is because of their strong idea of "good manners" and "common sense". Japanese "common sense" and "good manners" has over ridden natural human communication. Anything that doesn't fit in is feared and most often rejected(though secretly admired). ...btw, i think there's still hope tho...for all of us.

[@alvinperlas]

sounds like the same plot from the Grudge... uurraruauauruaurruauruauuaruauuruaurauuaaaaaa!!!

[@BLANDMEDlA]

it's funny because while we're listening to this, we're all imagining the same woman.

[@baguih007]

Holy fuck man

[@dreday5880]

Does she perchance have that shoulder length mushroom type hairstyle?

[@virksaab9454]

BIG TITTIES

[@jordonlewis]

The girl from the wolverine

[@doommuffinz5276]

"STAND THE FUCK DOWN!"

[@Mattropolis97]

Did a year of college in Japan and I gotta say, I’m not sure how non-Japanese-speakers have fun there. No one speaks English unless you’re in the very center of each big city. But fun fact, the best Japanese women are the ones who don’t speak English. 日本語喋れる外国人はいつも喋れない人より楽に日本に生活できる 🤙🏻 喋れないと外人ハンターしか付き合えない Learning Japanese was tough, but a fair price for being able to (imo) properly enjoy the cleanest safest and most beautiful island nation on Earth

[@ianmccullough5910]

Sounds like the movie Gung-Ho with Micheal Keaton in it.

[@shanedog9082]

Hahahaha, I thought the same thing when he was talking about the Japanese shaming. Well played sir

[@user-vo2ik8gd7l]

His Japanese impression fucking killed me haha

[@KMcNally117]

2:03 best bit

[@marcosalazar5339]

“Do you really want that on you’re resume?”

[@ajaxdgonzo7263]

I hate it when people try to justify cheating. Its a thing shitty people do, and only other shit people think its not that bad. Even bill, the way he says the only reason he wouldnt is cause there is a kid, like it wouldnt be devastating to this chicks husband. And then trying to add alcohol in the mix like that changes anything.

[@wingman-1977]

PREACH!!!!!!!!

[@appuswami6611]

This is one if this best Hahahahahah

[@peepinyowindow4517]

Bill “tak tak tow” burr

[@nasdpmlima6248]

Burrs japanese!!!! Batabawwwwwww

[@ConcordDown]

He did it 100%! Just wan'ts to confirm from Bill if that's ok :D

[@Tzadeck]

I lived in Japan a long time... and I would have done it, haha. I wouldn't have done it in America though. Things have a tendency to get a bit messier in America when it comes to cheating.

[@seanmatthewking]

More guns

[@SeanP7195]

LMAO @ "if round eye fucks yer woman"

[@hjojo1]

*I said stand the fuck down!* LOL

[@user-ze7hp2jf5x]

Sexless marriage in Japan is the norm from what I know, basically it boils down to this, the dads in Japan overwork themselves into an early grave to the point that they can barely return home, some of them even sleep at work and their managers see it as a sign of dedication to the work force, women if they work experience the same thing I would assume but some are stay at home moms for sure, it’s neither the guys fault or the woman’s fault their marriage is sexless but if one party has enough time for look for people on the side it communicates bad faith. If he fucked her or not consider this, when you will overwork yourself to that point she will do the same to you as the she did on her husband because she considered it an opportunity and an opinion.

[@TheLuigiBrother77]

Isnt this the plot to that James Clavell's Shogun tv show from the 70's?

[@1320Bushido]

Oh snap I remember that movie I loved it!!! Blast from the past!!!

[@strengthbeyond8162]

eh tete taouu

[@faekz]

The culture is different there with marriages I know many married people that have bf and gfs. But still stay married for kids

[@jeraldr2]

I AM ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING! 0:15 - 0:30

[@ezcondition]

00:25 i was taking a drink and almost fucking drowned.

[@meloettakawaii806]

if she wants you and you want her, go for it

[@dre857]

Pound for pound, MMPC has probably the best ratio of likes and videos uploaded.

[@arjunkansara5870]

R O U N D. E Y E

[@LonelyGamr]

Funniest one ever lol

[@ianjuliano1356]

"you ever see scarfrace"

[@jamesr169]

ITS OVER 9000!!!!

[@OneEyedJackNLD]

2:06 😂😂😂

[@pravitopapacito]

"The kid loves his mom and his dad. You're going in there with your dick like a samurai sword is gonna slice that kid's life in half"..... Bill Burr is a Goddamn poet!

[@chasdehen87]

Lmao Round eye? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣