I laughed so hard when he said that about cats siding with the intruder. lol
@quaz1moto2412 жыл бұрын
Fish not having a say kills me every time. Bill was really on one for this one 💀💀
@PhantomFilmAustralia2 жыл бұрын
@@quaz1moto241 ...like a Stepford wife. 😂😂😂
@TheSlammurai8 жыл бұрын
9:41 I love how he refers to caveman era as "back in the day". XD
@T0YCHEST5 жыл бұрын
I would never hear the end of the "back in my days" from Gramps 250,000 years.
@emdiar65884 жыл бұрын
I love how you refer to the Pleistocene as the 'caveman era'.
@hi-jh1ff Жыл бұрын
@@emdiar6588 nerd
@emdiar6588 Жыл бұрын
@@hi-jh1ff jock
@FlowKio Жыл бұрын
The 80s was the caveman era you’ve seen those rockstars?
@htxflow9 жыл бұрын
I never looked at Chimpanzees in such a way til I saw this. Bill is a fucking genius. He has added Chimanzees to my top 5 list of fears. I youtubed Chimpanzee attack and wow, they are strong and fast as shit
@garymaccagnone36699 жыл бұрын
Lee Smoove I have no idea why anyone hangs around with these animals. Chimps will plan their attack. They are extremely vicious and will rip your balls off just for the hell of it.
@citizenoftherepublic97959 жыл бұрын
They're not 'cute' they're fucking monsters. The idiots out there who think it's normal to put them in a cage and then act surprised when one escapes and kills them have it coming.
@seanheany4442 жыл бұрын
Watch Joe Rogan freak out about them haha they are fucking insane
@hoddy1368 Жыл бұрын
They are crazy
@JoeNietzsche10 жыл бұрын
For a guy that thinks of himself as stupid/uneducated, Bill is pretty well informed.
@YouAlreadyKnowBabi9 жыл бұрын
JoeNietzsche that's part of his shtick. Bill is the fucking man.
@Breaker1973 жыл бұрын
That's just the way it naturally goes. The more you know, the more you realize you don't know.
@customvansixtyfive83378 жыл бұрын
That sting ray's smiling at me, I think he likes me.
@comfortisimportant27256 жыл бұрын
customvan sixtyfive Crikey!!!!
@user-lm5fd6rr5b4 жыл бұрын
Stevie?
@RosscoFAM3 жыл бұрын
Lol nice!
@supermetroid0093 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂that Quiznos oven reference killed me😂
@NoxDeadly10 жыл бұрын
Funniest 15 min of my life and yours
@fistoffries12 жыл бұрын
This guy is awesome!! I never get tired of listening to Bill Burr....
@BattleRAAD3 жыл бұрын
🎵why would you fly across the world, to get your ass kicked? 🎶 😂😂😂
@p0wertek9 жыл бұрын
bill was right about his dog smiling. it's a real thing
@Cenyon12 жыл бұрын
This one of the best bits from the podcast in quite a while! Jesus I laughed
@over18irish9 жыл бұрын
Bill burr, don't underestimate people. I've seen video of an old man with a walking stick walking past some sort of rattle snake, he doesn't see it until he's two feet away and as it lashes out to strike he whacks its head with his cane, then continues on as it just coils up in shock.
@jc.11913 жыл бұрын
Forget a tranquilizer gun. I'd have 2 .357's.
@seanmathews18263 жыл бұрын
I remember at the Silver Back gorilla exhibit at Busch Gardens in Tampa Florida the guide on the tour told us that a Silver Back Gorilla has bite force to be able to bite through a coconut shell like a human eating an apple. 😳Yeah I agree with Bill. I am not going anywhere near any of these things.
@grevin78912 жыл бұрын
bill burr being funny as hell again!
@herculesrockefeller29849 жыл бұрын
Cro-Magnum's
@rickpur1009 жыл бұрын
brought to you by Trojan... lol
@roddy2body8 жыл бұрын
Hahaha.... Seriously but, cromagnion man and Neanderthals supposedly inter bred
@bonypajamas8 жыл бұрын
+Hercules Rockefeller Chrome Magnums baby, killin in styyyle
@maxd2215 Жыл бұрын
Jesus Christ, the story with the Australian woman who got her face ripped off by a pet chimp is horrific. But who in their right mind owns a wild animal in the first place?
@shkafster11 жыл бұрын
It's so refreshing to witness someone with at least a basic understanding of human evolution. Such a rare thing. Thanks.
@vainjumper99785 жыл бұрын
Cheetahs are one of the least likely to attack you out of all the “big cats”, but i mean if it decides it wants to you cant do shit
@IveGotAHondaFifty2 жыл бұрын
I mean, you would probably stand a decent chance against a cheetah, other big cats would 100% tear you to pieces, but a cheetah is so small that you would definatly hurt it very badly and potentially kill it before it kills you.
@tudorrenegade70522 жыл бұрын
If they would sing the news I would watch it every day. It's a great idea ! And so funny.
@ThePsychoReturns11 жыл бұрын
The look in the lion's eyes says "If I ever get out, don't kid yourself that you'd last a second."
@andrewptob4 жыл бұрын
I started laughing before I clicked. What a random topic.
@elijahgreen27997 жыл бұрын
This channel is great, please keep it up. I love Bill
@maximillianosaben7 жыл бұрын
I couldn't stop laughing when he got to the stuff inside the cave.
@TomMilleyMusic9 жыл бұрын
i don't know why, but the image in my head when Bill talked about seeing a bear slap a guy and see his head spin around a few times just cracks me up so much.
@baifan198512 жыл бұрын
The moment I saw the title I know this is comedy gold!
@roberthughes58804 жыл бұрын
My oldest pistol...a. 44 Cro-Magnum. Don't make it go prehistoric on your ass!
@theMondayMorningPodcastClips11 жыл бұрын
Holy shit! I'm glad he lived.
@RamiroApache12 жыл бұрын
This one was so amazing! "Look at the cheetah... WROAAAR!" That part killed me xD
@MrKozure7 жыл бұрын
Only a psycho like bill can turned a tragic news into a laugh factory! I'm crying my eyes out laughing, here. lmao.
@RockefellerSecurity11 жыл бұрын
This is one of my more favorite clips by Bill Burr edited by PaperBagBandits. Fuckin hilarious shit. There on the floor, on the ceiling, across the room, you gotta deal with human speed. LMAO! I cant imagine sitting there looking out of a cave and knowing everything is that much more faster than me and i dont even have a door LOL! And you know he saw that episode on Oprah with the lady with her face ripped off hahaha
@justintaylor11793 жыл бұрын
Bill as I drive I love this one.
@0412lennon7 жыл бұрын
This is why I respect nature by staying the hell away from it
@RosscoFAM3 жыл бұрын
Amen to that.
@masternoob96732 жыл бұрын
Facts
@Torgo196912 жыл бұрын
Excellent Leonard/Duran reference! It's too bad Duran had such a bad night that time, as his first fight with Leonard was masterful.
@darlakay784 жыл бұрын
You are great, love your work
@formusicplaylist111 жыл бұрын
every news station would be wise to adopt this catholic singing style of delivering news
@rapidojimbo63022 жыл бұрын
Singing the news! Yes
@gamingaccount71722 жыл бұрын
how the first word was born: two neanderthals sits it the cave. a bear walks in, one neanderthal yells: FUUUUUUUUUUCK.
@htxflow9 жыл бұрын
They dragged him 100 ft(or yards I believe) into a field and beat the shit out of him
@FISHDINHO9 жыл бұрын
great point about killing from distance,i watched an ASU origins debate on the evolution of violence and that was the key stage that gave humans the advantage over most other species,we learned how to throw a pointy fucking stick lol
@RiftenBorn11 жыл бұрын
Awesome playlist MMPC thanks
@doratheexploder2867 жыл бұрын
Cro-Magnums? Cracking me up Billy Bub..
@RBG-ez7pd5 жыл бұрын
Omg Bill Burr is so funny!
@adrianh3325 ай бұрын
Ever since that woman lost her entire face and all her fingers to a chimp I've been deadly afraid of them.
@youngrizzy712 жыл бұрын
The Hooker/ Lion Stare.................Ahaha Iam dead off this, too funny
@mtndewman10228 жыл бұрын
that oh jezuz at the end was the best one yet
@hannibalbarca63082 жыл бұрын
In tears
@donguapo7862 Жыл бұрын
"How about the weather FRANK?....or what ever fuckin human name you tried to give him" lmao
@MMODoubter9 жыл бұрын
It only takes 6 planks to make a DOOR, Bill!
@BeeBumper5 жыл бұрын
This guy gave me an idea, a superhero named "Chimpman". Attacked by a wild allegedly radioactive chimpanzee, now he eats bushels of bananas, and attacks his neighbors for getting too close, but at night he fights crime. #noturfriend
@OneEyedJackNLD6 ай бұрын
9:40 ‘Back in the day’ to the extreme 10:22 hahaha
@earthatom78 жыл бұрын
lol that shit legitimately got real in like the last minute...
@Breaker1973 жыл бұрын
Im with bill on dogs vs cats. That said, birds are the best pets. They won't fight intruders, but you'll sure as shit know when someone comes in. They're also funny as shit and highly entertaining, and way less maintenance. Almost as little as a goldfish. Best balance.
@aboubacaramine8689 Жыл бұрын
Imagine an R-rated animation based on this..
@gleamsteam12 жыл бұрын
I really hope he'll come back to Australia sometime, otherwise I'm going to have to take a trip to the USA to see him
@joesoap8111 жыл бұрын
''You guys wanna play frisbee'' lol.
@Rage6395 жыл бұрын
Everyone complains when it's not working, no thanks when it does. Haha welcome to IT
@foxman1057 жыл бұрын
Actually, there is evidence Cheetahs were domesticated in the past. They were used as guardian and hunting animals, or rich people pets in Egypt and India.
@Zach-Fetters7 жыл бұрын
foxman105 and drug runner pets
@T0YCHEST5 жыл бұрын
They are the first tamed carnivore, not domesticated because they can't breed in captivity.
@philc6483 ай бұрын
2:35, the look to you from your dog is indeed happy and trust, believe it.
@Breaker1973 жыл бұрын
There are some humans who can compete with the animal kingdom though. Fightscience had a dude documented that was about as fast as a snake.
@MrAce6073 жыл бұрын
LMFAO 🤣 you gotta add this into your bit!!! 😂😂😂😂. #BillBurr. Fucken the Chimp Song. "They won't love ya back"
@iguire12 жыл бұрын
This was so funny.
@christinestewart987 Жыл бұрын
the first words ever invented must have been What the Fuck? Are you Shittin me?🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
@Katarinarabbit Жыл бұрын
Signal from ya fucking leg: hey we just got bit by a fuckin pit viper
@DarrellWefel-ts2kr Жыл бұрын
You said is from Texas? That explains everything !!!
@sojournerkarunatruth44062 жыл бұрын
2 kilometers equals 6561 feet or 2187 yards and a football field, is 360 feet or 120 yards ✅
@reinforcedpenisstem9 жыл бұрын
Hahaa. Cro-"magnum"... It's cro-magnon, but I like Bill's terminology.
@MilkT0ast3 жыл бұрын
That was hilarious Sounds like an old school condom
@g07denslicer7 ай бұрын
9:57 Cro Magnums 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@mattball70744 жыл бұрын
1:54 so true, there's a mutual respect between most animals with space, territory, food, care and protection (including us) but... we're never "buddies" with a wild animal. People who play with a bear has earned the respect of the bear as a fun, supporting being who is harmless but there's a barrier you'll just never cross with them lol. I really came to realize this watching Jurassic World on acid lmao where 'owen' had a relationship of trust with the raptors but they still could have eaten them at the drop of a dime (or a new worker). The same night after the movie I fed foxes which was cool and realized the same sort of thing. As much as we narcissitically love to show our love and place in the world for any animal.. that animal probably doesn't give a fuck. I bet you've been VERY close to a deer, horse, bird, moose, fox, coyote, whatever and you two 'got a long' through this unwritten understanding, but, bottom line, they're animals. They don't give a fuck.
@Hrollief111 жыл бұрын
I'm happy to hear people know that. It is Native Africans not all black people though. Most black Americans, for example, have a white, middle eastern or Asian ancester somewhere, which passed on some Neanderthal DNA to them as well.
@youngrizzy711 жыл бұрын
Oh look at the Chettah....Oh shes playing......Verahhhhh
@robertoromero42452 жыл бұрын
I’d much rather fight the chainsaw lol
@Rushmore22210 жыл бұрын
Bill forgot to mention the chimpanzee set of teeth. That have a coupla Dracula incisors in that maw of theirs. Sure, a bear could swipe a chimp into next week, because it weighs about 700 lbs. But versus a human, a much smaller chimpanzee, through brute strength, quickness, and bite power, would be shredded. Me, I'd try to punt the chimp's head into the next yard if he came at me all walking on his knuckles and shit.
@TheEndKing9 жыл бұрын
Man, fighting a chimpanzee without an army with machine guns behind you is a losing proposition. What if your attack works, and you kick it? Then what? How long does that buy you before it isn't dazed anymore and now pissed off?
@htxflow9 жыл бұрын
TheEndKing It's going to rip his limbs, then slice his face off.
@MadGnomeStudios7 жыл бұрын
+TheEndKing yeah pretty much. They actually have emotion like us, and will TORTURE YOU. they'll focus on the fingers and small places that are sensitive and fucking castrate you.
@Boom556674 жыл бұрын
Throughout the majority of human history we had a healthily pragmatic view of nature & mostly despised being in it for fear of what unknown fate it might bring that civilization just doesn't reflect the same way with its own sense of unpredictability
@pretorious70012 жыл бұрын
Substitute "humans" in your explanation with "Cro magnons" and it's much more accurate.
@paramount800012 жыл бұрын
No, we share a common ancestor. To demonstrate the flaw of your question, I will show you an analogous conversation: Evolutionist: "My cousin and I came from my grandparents" Creationist: "Then why is your cousin still around?" Evolutionist: "What?" Creationist:"If you came from your cousin, why hasn't he turned into you" Evolutionist: "Umm, I didn't say I came from my cousin. Who told you that?" Creationist:"Jesus did, and I trust him more than you."
@t.j.goldwater71399 жыл бұрын
The guy who got attacked, now he's p90x-ing like nothing else. Advice was spot on
@Randymountaine12 жыл бұрын
Does bill upload these, or does he have a team of internet guys do it?
@farthippo61888 жыл бұрын
Does he correct himself with NeanderTALL, then say cro-magNUM like 5 times? Love me some Burr.
@steveweiner72608 жыл бұрын
TRUTH
@donbatonesko12 жыл бұрын
hahhahahaha bill
@cedrickevanmoore53088 жыл бұрын
That is funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@JanetEsq5 жыл бұрын
Chimps' fangs are longer than lions'.
@giusepperesponte80773 жыл бұрын
Cro magnums 😂
@carpetclimber40274 жыл бұрын
2 kilometers is about 1.25 miles.
@user-fg1tt7py6e4 жыл бұрын
My cat fucking loves me, though. He nudges all over me and cuddles with me when he sees that I'm in pain.
@jer26895 жыл бұрын
I used to want to work with animals but then I realized I dont wanna be mauled to death
@privateprivate2268 Жыл бұрын
👍
@SlyScyther10 жыл бұрын
@6:15
@vention4wh12 жыл бұрын
ROFLOL! It's like that poor dumb guy who liked to go to Alaska and hang out with Grizzly Bears. Then on top of that he brought his girlfriend along. They both became lunch.
@leoabreu14124 жыл бұрын
the only thing that could make this video better is Joe Rogan
@jeveuxlesoleil11 жыл бұрын
How is your initial statement any different, exactly?
@rubbersole7912 жыл бұрын
Case in point; Timothy Treadwell Eaten by his "friends"