Boundaries and Complex Trauma - Part 3/12 - Hooks

Why do we set healthy boundaries and then undo them and return to unhealthy?
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[@jshelley4592]

When I look at all the comments, I realize that we want to be healthy.

[@milliewoo337]

Yes. 🥲. When I’m alone in my thoughts I lose hope sometimes. It takes being here and sharing in this together to appreciate how we’re working toward a new future

[@jshelley4592]

@milliewoo337 We will be ok. We are searching for a peaceful life, and I believe we will get there. The things we endured gave us the tender hearts we have. Your not alone, there are many of us that are isolated yet not.

[@gardenbee1238]

That angry hook always gets me. Another hook I heard from family when I sought therapy was "why are you going to strangers for help?" I'm amazed at the amount of tactics designed to resist healthy boundaries.

[@ashleyferguson9287]

This was a constant in my family. And then the backlash was "This is our Normal - Don't share our business with others."

[@misspeach3755]

Same with my parents.

[@jenniferjohnson3970]

This guy is fricking SPOT ON! Every word of it.

[@lisajackson2288]

Its better to be single , Than to wish you were.

[@user-zb3tr4cp9s]

Nowadays the majority do not seek or crave for close friendships, at least out of my experience, people are too busy

[@drumming_as_religion]

AMEN

[@iw9338]

Oh my goodness, this is wonderful. I can relate to most of these. Wow the gift that has strings, keep it.

[@rudirolle2317]

This is soooo awesome and amazing I truly love and appreciate how he breaks down the story in the Bible to correspond with the boundaries talk I absolutely love it … thank you soooo much ❤❤

[@yourenough3]

😁 I look forward to these talks.

[@MrBrunoUSA]

I will have to watch and take notes on the whole thing later but I always learn many new things from these videos

[@SuperBlakes2]

This is such awesome information.

[@jacquelinemcgowan8164]

Fear has been my greatest enemy. My own wellbeing last. People pleasing controlling people has made me resentful.

[@Chris-yf2zs]

13:00 great rule of thumb. Easier to keep people at arms length and let them in gradually, then it is to let them in to soon and try to push them out to healthy place. May not feel right at first, internal dynamics.

[@mollylarkins7075]

I believe in boundaries so much I have met only a few people that don’t need boundaries. Most people don’t have self awareness.

[@milliewoo337]

I don’t think there are any people that don’t need boundaries?

[@misspeach3755]

@@milliewoo337 It's a matter of sharing the same values, then you don't need to express your boundaries because the other person has the same.

[@KBArchery]

Everyone has boundaries. This is what I will and won’t eat Boundaries at work Boundaries with friends Boundaries w parents Boundaries w our kids Boundaries w pets. Boundaries are everywhere! There is no way a person has no boundaries.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

17:00 this is exactly what happened to me with a woman I was dating some time ago. She hooked me in and out of guilt/shame I played the role just to realize later that that relationship wasn't going anywhere and had to end it.

[@mancubthescrub]

He predicted the fallout between my stepdad and I about 5 years in advance. Neat.

[@TheGreenTaco999]

31:55 one small issue with this, those who are insecure feel that "somethings not safe with this person" when they're interacting with healthy people who respect and treat them right because it usually signals to them "this is a sham" because they're used to being treated like crap

[@Tenacious249]

Thank you so much Tim.

[@No.1BlennyLover]

Thanks again ! Great new video. Do you have any advice for when isolation is your go-to response? So you do know and maintain your boundaries (kinda), but in an unhealthy way that has its own problem.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Build a support network. See a therapist. Have few close friends to vent to. Invaluable. We're social creatures and have an innate desire to connect. Choose whom you surround yourself with wisely. 😌🙌🏻

[@Cheshireagusta]

Unless yer avoidant and then... Yeah, we can't always tell why we are keeping people at arms length.

[@imbolc8024]

'After all i've done for you - we've done for you...' how many times... i can't stand it anymore : putting guilty on me, yes, my father is 'under influence of games' of my mother, 'you're hurtingn your mother' and on & on... i believe (i donno?) that Tim is an expert (best of ALL experts) and maybe he speaks of experience... Bless you Tim, from Belgium, i need to realise each hook & 'this is one, do not respond what they want to hear, i may not get into the topic', yes the 'i worry so much' etc etc... djeez... 😢

[@consuelo-ev7xk]

Thank you

[@allme985]

Thank you 🙏

[@tracylh]

I love LEGO blocks!

[@billbradley5296]

All fun and games until stepped on😂

[@Larindarr]

I think Tim needs to be clear that these toxic behaviours are narcissistic as well.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Yep. Love bombing. Guilt tripping and even down right sociopathic behaviours.

[@007lutherking]

The more accurate way to describe it all is pathological..so doesn't matter if someone is narcissistic or a codependent they're all pathological manifestations of cptsd.

[@h.neubert8770]

Yes. However not narcissistic people can behave toxicly as well out of unawareness.

[@crazypresci]

For me silent treatment is the worst hook...

[@Tpie]

8:14 this is quite important

[@TheAptimn]

Overconcentration on gaslighting the gaslighters with no accent on proactivity

[@hollyc.691]

My dad would threaten to cut me off financially if i didn't ___ and I told him that if that's what he wanted and needed to do that he should do it. He never did until recently when I told him that I won't be going to his and my stepmom's house to eat unless they made GF foods since I have Celiac Disease. They don't try to see me when they are in my town, either. I don't think it's a "me" thing. 🙄🤨

[@katiemaguire9073]

How does a human being hav😮e a relationship that is healthy? I feel so discouraged.

[@loricoe4566]

Wow

[@baja1988_Texas]

31:56 Isn't "gut feeling" the same as Limbic Brain?

[@pebblebrookbooks4852]

Omg "these types of ppl" in recovery 😅

[@MelissaMaiga]

‼️‼️‼️

[@TheGreenTaco999]

36:38 Father did this

[@anonymousobservers]

I'm trying to date a guy that's working on himself but he insists on being able to pop in at my place because he has a huge fear of being cheated on. IDK if this is healthy or not. Will this make him more unhealthy with his expectations later?

[@yvonnem9045]

It sounds controlling to me. He needs to deal with his fears of being cheated on.

[@andreamagyar5541]

YES

[@drumming_as_religion]

This is SICK...

[@waynewells1958]

Ots not that hard to listen pause take notes I've tried takes an hour

[@C-Span222]

Thank you