Relationships and Complex Trauma - Part 1/11 - Levels of Relationships

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Levels of relationships: challenges Complex Trauma creates in establishing close relationships.
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DISCLAIMER:
Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are in crisis, please contact your local crisis hotline at 988.ca/, 988lifeline.org/, dial 988, or call your local emergency services.

[@kaeserd]

49 wishing this video existed 30 years ago. This guy is making so much sense.

[@lioness7522]

Been waiting for guidance like this all of my life - I’m 54! - thanks Tim :)

[@DonTwanX]

I’m 36 and I can’t believe I haven’t figured this out yet! I get real with people way too fast and it pushes them away. I have always found it so exhausting to just put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay. That’s what my family of origin always does so I am refreshed when someone is open about struggles and negative emotions. I’m full of negative e emotions myself so I bond with people over being down and pessimistic. Not surprising I don’t have many friends.

[@ts3858]

I was bullied and betrayed for 8 yrs by my 'only friend' at 10 yrs old...😓

[@lindacorrin7847]

@lioness7522 yes amen 🙏

[@DonTwanX]

This is a tough one to watch. It’s making me see how little I know about relationships. No wonder I have had such a hard time with people in my life! I have no clue how to have heathy relationships! This video made me realize I don’t have any healthy relationships and I have never been in one. I have never been able to tell who is a very close friend and who is just a friend. I over share and get frustrated when people seem uncomfortable or uninterested in helping me. I’m a fixer. My codependency makes me want to help those in need, but the are seldom healthy enough to reciprocate. So I end up with no one to turn to for help. Friends were not a priority growing up. It was all about getting good grades and looking good to the outside world so my parents could get supply from having such clean, pious and well behaved children. As adults my siblings and I are all fucked up but you can’t tell right away with some. With me, you can see it from a mile away. I’ll chase you down and explain to you how fucked up I am if you give me the chance.

[@mknels1299]

Tell us how you REALLY FEEL. GBY

[@ScoutGrey]

Peace be with you Don

[@faith6674]

This! All of it!!!

[@loismoulton2417]

​@@mknels1299It seems you are putting this person down for being genuine and open...and vulnerable. ALWAYS...be positive, uplifting, encouraging, affirming. If you can't...be SILENT!

[@mknels1299]

Humor is uplifting

[@coach_amy]

This is so good. What moves a friendship from casual, to close, to soulmate: My deepest beliefs, values, passions, and life directions are on the same page as yours. Our hearts beat together. We both want to be real, to grow and to get healthy. Shared intimacy: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual

[@Miamore32124]

Tim, please do not stop including the Bible message at the end of your videos. It is the best part, and for me, ties everything together. It teaches empathy instead of contempt and gives hope when there was none. Not one is perfect, and it is good to know that in essence, we are all damaged people struggling to live along with and beside other damaged people. ❤ it's our fears that divide us

[@Spritual-life-lessons]

I have become open n honest in a relationship however I have seen that ppl lie and they make u feel that they are ur true friends initially but that is only a mark they wear to have all secrets out from another person. Once the secrests are shared then they misuse them. It’s hard to judge ppl now a days.

[@JS-tx9jy]

I think Tim Fletchers videos are so interesting. A) Because I learn a lot! And B) because I finally hear something that makes me understand why people would attend church. Since primary school I haven't heard a lot of religious interpretations. But the ones I heard oftentimes felt cruel to me. Last Christmas Eve I attended church with my mother and brother, because after all those years my mom wanted to give it a shot. All I could understand sounded like "Either you bound to my will or you'll get tortured". I couldn't understand everything, because half of the ceremony was spoken in Spain - A language most in my country don't know. It got to a point where my mother and brother asked me to leave DURING the event. We got home, where my dad (The only one of us, who grew up in a religious household) waited to tell us "I told you so." This being accompanied with stories of my friends like: "My ex girlfriend got kicked out of her parents house while she was still in high school, because she was caught being in love with a girl." Or my dads sister being sent to a doctor because she wanted to play soccer as a kid... I don't think, I'll ever become an advocator for any religion at this point. But I can appreciate speaches like these

[@mathembibhengu9751]

A child's brain operate on an emotional centre, an adult's brain operate on a thinking centre. Complex trauma keeps you operating out of the emotional centre, keeps you operating out of your child's part of your brain The main criteria for a child in making decisions is emitions. How am I feeling now? How does this make me feel?. Based on how I'm feeling I will do this. What happens in complex trauma is : "I meet someone and then there's chemistry thete, there's this intense feeling and you say oh I'm in love and let's move in together. You go in one night from acquintances to soul mate. Tim you are describing me here, thank you so much. I'm enjoying this trauma healing journey.

[@Atipton]

I have been relating to these videos 100% and never even knew how much complex trauma was driving my life. Thank you for making these and I LOVE that you include God because our souls are of His creation. Thank you for these videos! 🙏🏼

[@CMoore8539]

Awesome!!!♥️ Sort of like the Theory of the Good Wolf and the bad wolf. Which ever one that we feed, grows.

[@mariemonn8912]

Thank you so much Tim for your teachings and then to bring Jesus teaching.. in .. I live for this…Love you✝️💜🐕

[@karenlewkowitz5858]

This sounds so ideal - most - all relationships are competitive and transactional, more so as one ages. Share and content will most oft be used against you.

[@johnl5350]

I disagree. I care about my friends and won't betray their trust even if we grow apart. I can't be alone there. Some people suck though so I have no doubt about the source

[@lukedegraaf1186]

Depends who you find. I've just realised I was so afraid of being alone I never opened up to my partners, guaranteeing I'd be alone.

[@Phylthya]

I really needed this. This is so helpful. Thank you.

[@timothymoore3218]

Spot on! This explains me so, so, very well.

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

❤️Tim ! Relationships are difficult. This helps.

[@NA-xo3zb]

Thanks Tim!!

[@HealthyPersuit-sj3fr]

I'm sorry but I don't believe in soul mates. Great talks though. Mr Fletcher, you are the one who helped me most with CPTSD. Thanks so much

[@IkeSessionII]

I like this video but the audio is way too low!

[@katrinat.3032]

Yes it could be better

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Geez. Do you want back up dancers too?

[@Yiroza]

😔 What are you listening on? I’m on my phone and the volume is ok. I do notice there’s a bit of static tho.

[@Yiroza]

@@Thatsbannanas-d8cunnecessary

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

@@Yiroza oh k mom

[@dreamer27-h8k]

Okubye nyoo ❤ 🇺🇬

[@noellenicolas9436]

Audio is too low. Love it otherwsie

[@ChrisMarrin]

Does anybody know in what video he finishes Matthew 5 “The Sermon on the Mount”. ?

[@Star-dj1kw]

✅good video

[@kendrar3072]

A criteria for friendship in the early stages... that the person is good looking? ?? Hope I have misunderstood that part 🤔

[@mandyporras07]

Thank u

[@2rhythms]

The sound is very low in this video. It’s difficult to hear your words

[@Sonbiii]

My volume is ok

[@ts3858]

I was horrifically chronically bullied , targeted and abused for 8 yrs by my 'only friend' at 10yrs old ..😓

[@ScoutGrey]

Peace be with you

[@loismoulton2417]

Your msg is heart rending.... Prayers and hugs going out to you. Keep being your wonderful self!!❤

[@starqueenlotus3755]

Such an important information but poor sound quality. Is this remediable .pls?

[@annguempel6218]

Please redo and raise video sound

[@Sonbiii]

U can read it.

[@sonyaparkin7841]

💚

[@TheWordMercy82]

When you're 16 going on 17...wait a year....or two

[@sarahalderman3126]

Or ten, life doesn’t happen on the same schedule for everyone ❤️

[@sarahalderman3126]

Ugh… this sounds an awful lot like my early marriage. 😪❤️

[@loismoulton2417]

AUDIO WAAAY TOO LOW!! ❤

[@karenlewkowitz5858]

Yes, the sound is low and the voice is a bit crackly/shouting rather than relaxed speaking from the full chest. Hard on one's throat

[@TheGoldenBone]

An fortunate start to the series with no sound. I fear it will block people from finding it. Worth a fix

[@DearEva.]

It’s so hard to hear :(

[@ProfessorBorax]

How y'all blieve the Jesus is an actual God story is difficult for me to comprehend. You think the story behind the origin of the universe is an invisible being is so happy and then made people to share it with them and then decided to communicate via a dude in some place in the world who is supposed to share the info but it gets all misinterpreted in a hundred different ways and people are still traumatised thousands of years later while there are also millions of people who velieve in completely other stories with different gods because they happened to be born in a family that believed that and that makes sense to you? You really believe that?

[@chantal737]

Everything is fake that’s why I don’t bother

[@reverse_meta9264]

Don't give up

[@cezbabe]

I don't use masks at all. Maybe that's why people dislike me. 😢