Boyfriend Wants An ABORTION But I Don't... r/Relationships

[@denizkafa7424]

Every paragraph made my eyebrows rise more and more. "You had an abortion at 21 it shouldn't be that hard now" tf dude

[@samssams666]

Exactly and it's been known that abortions if performed too many times can actually affect your chances of having children if something goes horribly wrong during the abortions which in many cases it has gone wrong

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Exactly. If I were OP, I would've dumped him on the spot and assumed full custody of the child.

[@springs9922]

listen insensitive sure but he was under huge pressure and I would imagine he would say something like under that kinda pressure.

[@JcBravo8]

@@samssams666 I’m going to assume most people aren’t generally aware of that because it’s not something you would learn about. His comment while crass comes from a half truth. That it’s “easier the second time around because you know what to expect”. It’s the sort of stupid thing you say to be helpful without realizing the situational context

[@samssams666]

@@JcBravo8 yeah and if he was trying to say it in a nice way he should have worded it better cuz the way he worded it was shitty

[@tiryaclearsong421]

I'm a little worried about OP and her boyfriend in story 1 after the update. But it sounds like the baby was an accident and emotions run high in that circumstance. Maybe they just learned a valuable lesson in communicating openly and not being dismissive of each other though.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

After the second update it sounds like they're doing well! I'm glad to hear that.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah the fact that they were so unsure about their relationship and if they actually wanted to be with each other that they wouldn't even buy property together because of the commitment. And yet they're having a child together?!?! A child is way more of a commitment than a house is. I hope I'm wrong I never want a child to grow up with divorced parents. I hope everything works out for them but it just seems so telling

[@amazinglynn]

@@WhitneyDahlin I don’t think they meant commitment to each other, but commitment to mortgage and whatever else is involved with buying a house. So that’s why they were moving into the townhouse bc they didn’t need a lease and could move out at any time, that’s how I read it anyway

[@WobblesandBean]

I give it three months tops before he bails. And she will absolutely 100% go back on her word and take him to court because she's vindictive that way.

[@leebrown6247]

@@WobblesandBean so, he’s excited about his kid, but YOU know he’s gonna bail? 🙄 And wanting child support from a willing participant does not make her vindictive.

[@kmbaldwin5325]

The OP that lost the best friend of 12 years needs to just get a whole new group of friends. Not only did the supposed best friend not bother to get OP’s side of the story, neither did any of the other friends.

[@WobblesandBean]

I'm proud of OP 2. It takes a lot of character to do what she did, and say all that to her ex best friend's face. She doesn't deserve those girls, and I'm glad she's cut them all out. No one needs a fair weather friend.

[@comajuice]

Theyre committed enough to have a whole kid together but not committed enough to own a house together? Lmao

[@kbf9644]

I read this before hearing the bit. I knew it was coming and still bugged a little when it dropped. 😳🤦🏻‍♀️

[@mindyschocolate]

He can still cut and run. No sense tying even more things up.

[@Spgzay]

Do you know how high houses got

[@comajuice]

@@Spgzay not much more expensive than a child lmao

[@demonheart13]

The house is in her family and he's the one who wants to bail. I wouldn't trust him either, she obviously doesn't trust that he might change his mind again closer to the birth

[@astronautviolet153]

How can a friend of 12 years lie about a cheater bf and give the benefits of the doubt.

[@despinasgarden.4100]

"since you got an A at 21 it shouldn't be so hard now" sorry, but this was an asshole thing to said even if he was scared, but if he doesn't want the kid that's completely okay, he can walk away and sing his rights away too (if he doesn't want to pay child support). In the end of the day OP can choose to keep it but she can't make him stay if he doesn't want to.

[@jinxstheories4263]

You still have to pay child support even if you sign away rights.

[@despinasgarden.4100]

@@jinxstheories4263 oh

[@rubymeaddle]

@@jinxstheories4263 That depends on the state and even then child support is easier than fatherhood

[@antoinealez12]

Some states won't allow you to sign your right away unless there is someone there to take your place.

[@tigernotwoods914]

The mother has to agree and a judge has to approve. It’s extremely rare and legally she is entitled to support whether or not they had an agreement or she was gonna abort and changed her mind. Once she’s pregnant he gets no way out. The only exception is if he’s signing away his rights and there’s somebody usually step dad adopting the child to take his place.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

LMAO 8:00 she says she and her boyfriend don't know if they're ready for the commitment of buying a house together as they are for sure having a child together xD that makes zero sense. Having a child together is way more of a commitment than buying a house together. There is absolutely no way they're going to end up together. If they are so unsure about each other that they won't even buy property together there is no way they're going to stay together after the baby is born. I hope I'm wrong because I never want a child to grow up in a broken home but it just seems so telling

[@amandastokes3637]

That's Exactly what I was thinking.

[@Faith12996]

Well mixing finances is a huge decision,even between married couples. My parents are semi-mixed but my mom tries to keep the majority of her money separate from my dad because of his irresponsible spending. My mom owns her own condo and plans to keep it even after she and my dad buy a retirement home together. You can be great parents together, which my parents were to 7 kids, but just not be compatible money-wise. I personally would not mix finances with anyone outside of shared bills.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

@@Faith12996 how can you say to your partner *I don't trust you with my money but I trust you enough to be good parent?!!??*. That's so crazy to me. I just think if you are so mistrustful of your partner you shouldn't be marrying them and DEFINITELY should not be having kids together. Combining finances is about trust. It's so crazy that to say I don't trust you with my money but I trust you to be a good parent. Kids are far more valuable than your money could ever be. And if you can't trust your partner with your credit card or debit card don't have children with them. There are far too many people who have kids with someone who ends up being terrible parent. Who you decide to have kids with is the biggest decision you will EVER make in your entire life. And if you decide wrong the suffering your child will go through is on YOU. Having a bad parent RUINS your child's life and will haunt them throughout their adulthood. Your dad has a spending problem. That's why they keep their finances separate. Because your father can't be trusted. Neither of the people in the story have a gambling or spending problem. So there's really no reason to not buy a house together besides they distrust the other person. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust. Period.

[@Faith12996]

@@WhitneyDahlin @Whitney Dahlin you have a very 1 track mind because being bad with money does not equate being a bad parent. I'm not sure where you live but at least in America capitalism is sold in the idea of living in the now which is why a lot of Americans live above their means. Its just a fact. Even if youre not living above your means, some people, like my father, likes to spend money on certain things vs saving money, like my mother.. If you don't want to enter into a relationship with someone that is not the most fiscally responsible, that's your choice. But beimg a good parent does not equate with fiscal responsibility. There are plenty of people that make a lot of money, have millions in the bank and are still shitty parents. As long as you can pay you bills, I personally don't have any issue with how you spend the rest of your money but I will encourage you to save some of your money for a rainy day. Given that one of the top cause for divorce is America is money issues, why not separate finance to have one less thing working against the end of your marriage. I don't see mixing finance as a point of success in a marriage, and it definitely doesn't equate the ability to raise a child well, just take a lot at all the couple who do and are still crappy parents. But I do find the ability to mix both sides of the family is, especially for a child's sake. There 3 specific value my parents shared that i believed made them good parents. Family came first, no matter what, responsibilities were split equally including chores, household bills and childcare, and finally they wanted their children to be more successful then them at the end of the day, which meant supporting us is many of our ambitons but also explaining the reality was the world to us. They differ in many other ways from work ethic (believe it or not, my mom has less), hobbies and so on, including what they like spending money on. The only time I agree mixing finances is a necessity is when there is a stay at home parent.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

@@Faith12996 if you can't trust someone with your money then you can't trust them to be a good parent because a good parent would always make sure to provide for their child. So you don't trust them to be responsible with money but you do trust them enough to be financially responsible for a child????? No that makes zero sense. If you don't trust them with money then you don't trust them to financially provide for the child now do you? And you can't be a good parent if you are not financially providing for your own child. The two things are inextricably tied together. You either trust them to be a good parent and financially provide for your child or you don't. You can't have it both ways you can't trust someone to be a good parent and also not trust them with your finances.

[@jessiejeanne9717]

The pill has a 4% failure rate and that was her method. What was his method? Hoping and praying she took her pill at 9:00pm everyday without fail?

[@demonheart13]

This was my big thing about it, she did her part but he didn't want to wear a condom? Yeah, he was playing with fire no matter what he says to himself when he bails.

[@jessiejeanne9717]

@@demonheart13 exactly! How about people take some personal responsibility? Lol, yeah, right! Like that will ever happen!

[@carterpitbull7366]

@@jessiejeanne9717 “how dare you get pregnant when I don’t use condoms” 😒

[@Becks-and-books]

Good shout, like when men say they don’t have a say but then don’t want to use a condom?? Reminds me of a guy I was hooking up with and the last condom was gone. He wanted to go ahead without it but said “I don’t want a baby” like… lmfao

[@antoinealez12]

lol yall dumb. Even if he used a condom or pulled out. There is still a chance that she would get pregnant. There is no fool proof method other than not having sex. I can tell yall are definitely not having sex. Most couples who are on the pill don't use condoms because (surprise!) the pill. And let's not forget that she didn't want to have a kid either this was not something that they planned, so with your logic if the pill had a 4% failure rate then she should've asked him to put on a condom. Y'all wanna blame the guy but if it was the other way around you would encouraging OP to get the abortion.

[@MmmKayHuuNay]

basically, her parents take care of them. I knew there was a reason she kept saying I'll be ok without him, lol.

[@nightdweller6446]

Last story...the ex friend nuked the relationship and then she went after the mutual friendships as well. I wouldn't trust any of them in the slightest, acquaintances would be as far as I'd let them back in my circle. The rats abandoned ship

[@atinyevil1383]

Story 2: this is the second time I’ve heard this story today and I’m wondering so many things about this. 1. I don’t think this woman was OP’s friend and is the kind of person who drops people when she feels threatened or inconvenienced (even if she has no reason to). 2. The line “if she were here, we wouldn’t be talking right now” is really weird. It makes me wonder if he doesn’t talk much to OP because he wants to sleep with her or the exbff is jealous and is suspicious when he talks to other women. 3. The exbff turned all of OP’s other friends against her. I really want to know if she lied to them about what happened or if they just dropped OP. In any case, they all suck and OP deserves better.

[@animemagic]

In the update the ex-bff told OP that she told their friends that OP tried to hook-up with the ex and not to trust OP so it looks like she lied to their friends. Instead of anyone trying to get OP's side of the story, they all just believed the ex-bff and froze her out. I do find it a little bit odd though that OP sensed that may have happened and never tried to clear anything up with her friends. I guess maybe she didn't want the possibility of more arguements with friends if she did say something

[@spooky5338]

If they believe one side of the story and never ask the other party involved, just choosing to freeze them out, they really aren't good friends in the first place.

[@kat1722]

When I was 16 I had my first boyfriend, he broke up with me after two months (after he had taken my firsts and at the end of the college year) whilst that hurt what broke my heart was that he started going out with my best friend who I consider a sister we had been best friends since we were 3, when I found out (literally days after we broke up) I asked her if it was a cruel joke. She had been the one I cried my heart out to the previous day. It wasn’t a joke and I went no contact with her with a vengeance (I wrote a no holds barred message of how much she hurt me) Just under a year later she phoned me in tears because she had been in a minor car bump that had really shaken her and her first thought was me. That got us lightly talking again (I found out he had manipulated her and done the same to her as to me) I kept her at a distance, was spending more time with my other best friend and their social circle at a new college. We’d only been talking a few months when I was in a car accident (passenger of a car that aquaplaned trying to stop when the car in front of us crashed into traffic causing a five car incident) when I eventually got home I called her crying and within minutes she was at my door. Since then we’ve helped each other in the aftermath of abusive relationships, she’s pulled me out of a bath I was trying to drown myself in and been by each other’s side for different hospital visits (I have chronic health conditions) This year we turn 30 and I’m the god mother to her gorgeous children. In our case it was a blip and after a period of healing and re establishing what our relationship was and rebuilding it we are stronger than ever. But I know not every relationship can be mended

[@zerobolt9506]

This is nice, could have gone way different, but glad it worked out for you in the end.

[@shadowkissed2370]

I don't think I will be one to get the "rekindle" of our friendship with my ex-best friend. We had been best friends since the last year of high school. She watched me go through extensive abuse in my early 20's my ex-husband. She did nothing to help because "her boyfriend told her not to" even though she knew I had no family and no one. She had known how my ex was because she dated him before I got with him, she and I were introduced through him. I let that pain go. Over the next 15 years, we were there for each other. She was there for me when I finally left my ex-husband, I was there for her when she learned she wouldn't be able to have children. I went to her fertility appointments with her, asked the questions she was scared to ask, demanded better care that she deserved when her doctors tried to dismiss her please. I was there when she and her husband found out they were finally pregnant. I was there when she gave birth, and the next day found out her mother-in-law had cancer. I moved in to help them with the new baby while she helped her mother-in-law, who lived with them, with her treatments. Recently, her husband blocked me on social media, and I look at her friend's list and see she has added my ex-husband and his new girlfriend who has been harassing me. Even though I divorced him all those years ago and remarried, he pops up in my life every other year and causes drama. She knows this and she has insisted on being part of this. When I asked her why she said he is her friend too. Even though for all these years she swore he would never be her friend and she would tell him off if he ever came around for everything he had done to both of us. He has learned a lot of information about my life recently that he has been using to torment me, and the only way he could have learned any of this was through her. She has done a lot of bad things to me that I let go of, I don't think I can let this go. She knows how much I feared him in my past. I hid from him and anything to do with him for a reason. I do not really have friends now, I don't trust very easy she was one of the only ones I had.

[@zerobolt9506]

@@shadowkissed2370 let's hope karma comes for her in a big way, nothing real bad, just I don't know something to make her think.

[@courtney.marlene]

I dated a guy pretty much my entire sr year of HS & when I left for college an hour & a half away, we were still a couple. He started acting super weird just a couple days later & when I came home 2 weeks later to visit, he wouldn't answer my calls. My last night home, I went to his house to confront him & found out he had told everyone we had broken up, but for some reason, never bothered to tell me? My best friend was by my broken hearted side & even drove me back to campus the next day. A week later, I got a call from a mutual friend that my best friend slept with my ex just 5 days after she dropped me off. I called her, told her she was dead to me & we didn't speak for 2 years. I ended up having an oops pregnancy & subsequent miscarriage (another awful guy, I found out I was the 'other woman' during the loss, his GF called me at 4am after finding evidence of me, so that was fun...) & in the middle of it, I ran into my ex bestie. I ended up running into her arms & sobbing & we began repairing our friendship that day. 9 years later she was the MOH at my wedding & she is still one of my dearest friends to this day. Some friendships absolutely deserve a second chance & in this case, forgiveness felt so much better than holding on to anger.

[@sternobum1524]

I kinda feel like the people commenting in the video almost wanted OP to be a single mother. Idk but they do say misery loves company so maybe that's what was going on.

[@zerobolt9506]

That last commenter's comment only really applies if they hadn't been OP's friends too or depending on how long they're known both her & OP.

[@Erik-pr2rf]

When you are an adult you choose for your body/baby. Nobody else can put you in a situation where y don't want to be. Yes Op had a prior termination but she can say no this time if she so chooses.

[@brianna_lynch]

Friendship breakups suck. I still haven’t gotten over my ex best friend.

[@susanlayton2143]

I may be in the minority here but I think OP's bf telling her to get an abortion right after finding out she was pregnant was more him freaking out about them being parents.

[@rubymeaddle]

That's not what people took issue with. It was "You've done it once you can do it again" and "you'll have to get over it" when she told him how emotionally draining the first one was.

[@deupree29]

As someone that's had an abortion you don't just get over it. Mine was necessary and I'm glad I did it, but it's still a difficult thing especially with the stigma around it. I hated all the comments saying he didn't just freak out stop pushing this on him. Like she can have the baby without it being pushing it on him.

[@0potion]

@@deupree29 well..... what is the price of an abortion?.... GUILT. and while there are a FEW instances where an abortion is appropriate in like 99% of cases it is a case of a selfish mother who doesn't want to take accountability for opening her legs to a dumbass who will sleep with anything with a heartbeat that moves. And put bluntly when looking form the dudes perspective then this can't be seen as anything other than a baby trap.

[@michaelmorris8302]

I don't think the update was real in story one and wtf is the first comment trapping her?

[@amandab8433]

She didn't "Baby trap" him, he did that to himself. If he, or she, wasn't ready to be a parent then he/she should have 1. Abstained, because no birth control is 100%, or 2. Gotten a vasectomy, or hysterectomy (although before 35 that's nearly impossible in the US) and then gone through the waiting period for the vasectomy to make sure it took for. He and she are grownass adults who should have known better. I have told my sons, and daughter, the same things about sex, procreation, and responsibilities.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

It's not impossible to get sterilized before 35 in the US. So you're 100% right that sex leads to babies and he needs to take ownership of his own birth control if he really doesn't want kids.

[@antoinealez12]

@@SilverstreamPJ28 let's not pretend that this was all on him. She was on birth control and that shit didn't work. Both of them had the option to use a condom but decided to that birth control was enough. So let's not put it all on him. If OP didn't want the kid then y'all wouldn't be saying this shit.

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@antoinealez12 the person who wears the condom is generally responsible for making sure they wear one if they don’t want to get someone pregnant. She was on birth control. She did her part and she was ready to move forward alone when her birth control failed and he would not be blamed for that, so she should not be blamed that he chose not to use his birth control at all knowing that he might get someone pregnant and that he wasn’t ready for a child. That is his responsibility. She cannot be the only responsible person.

[@gaywerewolf1294]

@@SunBeeSmoked except that blame solely relies on what they agreed with. for all you know, she could have been the one who said no to the condom.

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@gaywerewolf1294 he has the power to say he won’t have sex without one, that’s his choice.

[@leabee8101]

keep the baby and leave him. never let him see that kid. a parent they doesn't want you is so damaging

[@rachelm2657]

Two people make a baby, and it's not forcing him to be a Father...he already is a Father. Now does he have to be involved? No, but he created the child...so child support should be given either way....I know some will think I am being a prude but if you are having intercourse there is always a possibility...and I get changing you mind and I think you can have that choice too. And it's very easy as a man to say you would do an abortion but you are not in those shoes. Now is an abortion a valid answer yes for some. But it shouldn't be pushed on anyone because the one not sacrificing the body to carry or deal with the changes of the body.

[@emilybarclay8831]

You aren’t entitled to child support if you reproduce with an unwilling man. You’re a single mother. If you can’t handle that, you aren’t ready for a kid

[@rachelm2657]

@@emilybarclay8831 both people created the child. So yes as a father you owe to make sure the child is taken care of so yes 100 you should be paying child support. Abortion is not birth control. It's a medical procedure that ends a possible life. It can be right for some women but unless as a partner we can tell our partner to get the snip to make sure then men can not decide women should get abortions if a baby is created. Honestly in this story the birth control was all on her so he was doing nothing to prevent creation and is asking her to go through a medical process she doesn't want because her birth control failed. So yes, he should pay child support. Especially if they have talked about wanting children someday. Abortions can make it harder to have children in the future in addition to again a medical procedure.

[@farah8035]

@@rachelm2657 Exactly.

[@Phenomenal5266]

Old enough to have sex then old enough to handle the consequences of those actions. He has absolutely no excuse. His behavior fully disgusting!

[@olly2027]

Than he shouldn’t have to pay child support.

[@narcissesfreeman2940]

Hi Markee. Enjoyed the stories as always and your narration of them as well as your insightful commentary. Thank you so much. 😊 Also, I'd like to know the impetus for eliminating your intro and your closing at the end of your videos. Just curious. I always liked those two features of your videos and kinda miss them. However, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Change and grow. Experiment, etc. Anywho, I'm not going anywhere. Onward and upward eh? Take care. Looking forward to the next stories. ⭐👍⭐

[@macylouwho1187]

If you ejaculate inside of a woman, you run the risk of impregnating her. Everyone knows this. If you decide to have unprotected sex even if she is on the pill, you run that risk and by doing so you are accepting it. A little personal accountability, please. There are consequences to actions regardless of who doesn’t like them. Here in the adult world, we have to pay the price for our own actions. No he doesn’t have to be an active father in the kids life, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t pay for the raising of the child that he helped to create. By law, you have to. Man up. Just because a woman has one abortion, that doesn’t automatically mean that she’s fine to have another one. People change throughout their lives so much that she’s not the same person that she was before at a younger more scared/impressionable age. But if she wants to do this, she should expect nothing more than child support out of the deal. He’s made it clear he can’t be counted on to care about his child that he helped to create whether intentionally or not. Lesson learned the hard way, not everyone is a hero or a decent person. She hitched herself to the wrong wagon. His interest in being “in this” will likely wan once reality sets in. It’s hella hard being a parent, and that first year is a hard one. Sleepless nights, bills, etc. Then you go through the “no time for us-we’re coparents and roommates now” phase. So much less time for intimacy and being a couple in love. As easily as he flips, he’s likely to do it again when things get harder.

[@hotjanuary]

I can’t believe she didn’t break up with him there and then when he said “she did it before, so she’ll get over doing it again.” He’s okay forgoing condoms when it inconveniences him but he’s not okay taking responsibility for his actions? This is the person she wants to hitch her life to? What a nightmare. She’s going to regret it in a few years if she’s wise enough to listen to life experience. He’s not father or life partner material.

[@tigernotwoods914]

You’re not wrong but that’s the same argument anti-choicers use against abortion.

[@emilybarclay8831]

So women get to abort pregnancies they don’t want to support but men are on the hook whether they want to be or not? I’ve never seen something so blatantly anti-equality

[@gaywerewolf1294]

my dude, why don't women woman up instead if the guy doesn't want the kid but they do?

[@shells500tutubo]

@@gaywerewolf1294 They are, by having the child. And so far, in this world, a man is needed for pregnancy to occur, so there is 50:50 responsibility.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

That one commenter saying he shouldn't pay child support. Dude... Sex leads to babies, if you can't handle that reality, then don't have sex ever. It can happen, even with all the precautions. He needs to pay, just like if he wanted to keep it and she didn't, she'd have to pay.

[@tigernotwoods914]

I get where you’re coming from but I agree with those comments still. The point people are making is she gets away out after pregnancy. While it takes two to cause a Pregnancy it’s literally her choice to bring the actual child into the world. People are pointing out the hypocrisy of how her body her choice seems to go out the window when she gets to force him to pay for 18 years for her choice to have a child. She gets away out after pregnancy as she should because it’s her body but so should he. In fact your response and the similar responses are the same exact argument anti-choicers use again women and girls that need abortions.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

@@tigernotwoods914 how is saying a man should pay child support not pro choice? you're really reaching. And giving up his parental rights already means he wouldn't have responsibility over that child. The thing is, it's your semen, so you'll have to pay for it. A child shouldn't go without because daddy "didn't want a baby boo hoo", if he didn't want one, he should've been responsible for his own birth control, and not left everything to the hands of the woman.

[@tigernotwoods914]

@@SilverstreamPJ28 agreed but the child wouldn’t exist to begin with if she would just abort. She chose to give birth. I don’t have an opinion one way or the other but I can see their argument against automatic child support.

[@carterpitbull7366]

@@tigernotwoods914 child support is FOR fathers who think they can just leave and not deal with the responsibility of caring for a child.

[@tigernotwoods914]

@@carterpitbull7366 Paying child support is taking responsibility. Putting the baby up for adoption on the other hand is the female equivalent to a male being a deadbeat dad technically speaking.

[@parkerabbott2189]

I just really don't like where story 1 is headed. Regardless of who is right or wrong, neither of these people sound mature enough to be parents. They can't even seem to communicate as adults, yet are supposed to raise a kid? Someone help that poor child.

[@socialmoon]

Story 2 is just... ouch. Gonna go stare at the wall for a bit & contemplate life.

[@neihurhurkikiriki7159]

disgusting how they blame the gf for a pregnany, get a vasectomy if u dont want kids.

[@neihurhurkikiriki7159]

after conception you lose the right to choose what happens to the fetus

[@ChristopherCapersJones]

Damn, 3 for 3, mate. Mark and Lost Genre both covered story 3 already.

[@ayannatobias7375]

Why is it that men don't accept that if they have sex they are accepting the consequences of it? Being an adult means doing things you don't want to do..... big men throwing tantrums

[@farah8035]

Because men today clearly aren't capable of being fathers. They have zero capacity to love anyone but themselves. That's how men are now because they were spoiled by their mamas. I'd never trust a man in this day and age.

[@bropil7545]

Im glad the bf made the right decision, both were in their right to take the decisions they were taking, but it would have been better and happier for both if they stayed togueter

[@catcat6712]

I hate these "trapped with a baby, let him go" comments. Like it isn't going to be a person that feels abandoned. Like the dad wouldn't know every second of his life what he did. How can you turn that part off in your brain??? Parental love?? Women choosing an abortion vs a man walking away is not the same thing. It sucks, it really does that the guy has no say after birth control failure, but it's very different.

[@emilybarclay8831]

Different in what way?

[@samssams666]

The father should not be forced to be a father because then the child's going to grow up with a father that's emotionally distant and feel horrible because they would know the father does not love them unconditionally but I think the Dad should pay child support because again if you didn't want a kid you shouldn't have fucked if you weren't 100% sure then you should not have fucked

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

This right here. Men bitch about child support for their kids but they had sex and they knew the risk. Don't want kids? Don't have sex

[@mrsister032]

The person at 4:00 had the most fair and level headed response I've ever read regarding abortion and parenting. Send them an award.

[@jasonstewart8363]

No! That response was selfish, narcissistic, and believes there should be no consequences for ones actions. What the hell kind of logic is this? "I robbed the bank for the money, but I shouldn't go to prison because I didnt think I'd get caught!" Don't want to be responsible for a child, dont have sex.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

No it wasn't dumbass didn't wear a condom. Dumbass didn't do his part to prevent a kid. Dumbass gets to pay child support if he didn't want to be in the kids life. He made a choice now he needs to be an adult. Don't have sex, get snipped or wear a condom if ya don't wanna have a baby.

[@theleftysjournal8781]

Well not committed enough to own a house doesn't mean they don't want to buy a hse one day. One step at the time. Their mind are in messed now. Pregnancy and giving birth already caused so much money, yet owning a house. They need to save first duh 🙄. Buying a house is not like buying a shirt in a store.

[@MorbidKat]

I never wanted kids or even a husband but once it happened and the initial fear wore off everything was great and is great still today 6 years and 2 kids later! People are allowed to change their minds and adapt to what life throws at them...and even excel at it. I know people are coming with well meaning concerns overall but, maybe I'm a dreamer, I'd just like to see us build people up with caution they need to think about in the back of their mind vs tearing people and possibly families apart before they even land on their feet.

[@PinkMarshmallows]

I give the couple of Story 1 6 months, tops. He's going to regret and resent OP for baby trapping him. She'll get mad and she will go back on her word and take him to court.

[@evecampbell3069]

How exactly did she "baby trap" him? She basically said "I'm gonna have this kid with or without you. If you wanna leave then go. I'm not stopping you and I wish you the best." Telling someone to leave isn't the best way of making someone stay.

[@shells500tutubo]

Baby trapping him would be to take his sperm apart from having sex and then inseminating herself. If it was consensual sex, then there is a chance for a baby, so no trapping can occur.

[@Denuhm]

Not ready for the commitment of a house but having a kid, disgusting.

[@kaleidoscopeeyes1184]

So BF in story 1 thought birth control was 100% effective? Sex can lead to babies even if you're careful. So if he can't be a real dad he should at least pay child support. He knew the risks and besides mama can go after him and the courts won't care that he's "not ready." Sheesh!

[@tsubakiofmelancholy6297]

The only foolproof way to have sex without the risk of pregnancy is surgery. Either the man has a vasectomy the woman has her ovaries/uterus removed, or both of them have their reproduction system removed, or stunted. Even then, unless you both have tests done before to make sure there is no diseases, there is the risk of std.

[@kijackson8374]

2nd Story: Think about this from her POV. Your boyfriend texts you saying your bsf is hitting on him. You only get a ominous text from her with zero context but your boyfriend seemingly told you the whole story asap. You finally get a call and the first thing you hear from your bsf is “How are you?” And then she starts cussing you out after you regain what your boyfriend told you. You’re hurting and upset so you talk to your other friends about the experience. You’ve been second guessing the entire time but after the blow up and continued gaslighting you’re unsure of what to believe until your manipulative boyfriend throws it in your face. Now you’re even more confused and unsure of your reality. I think you should give her a second chance. You were both odviously victims of this gross man.

[@valzeppelin5153]

1st story: When they chose to have sex, they chose to risk pregnancy. If they didn't want to risk it, or don't want to be with the person for life, then don't have sex with that person. I mean, come on, atleast wrap it up. Dude couldn't be bothered to wrap it up, but is nonchalant about wanting her to risk dying during an abortion. Nahhh. If he didn't want kids, he should have used his own birth control, but he doesn't get to decide later that she has to have an abortion and risk her life, just because he doesn't want the financial burden of a baby that he went raw to create. I hate when people complain after they themselves didn't bother to use any protection. It's crazy. And always have a way out, incase he decides to split after the baby comes.

[@sammieh9695]

I seriously questioned if I wrote the abortion story and forgot by the title but the details didn't match. My bf wanted an abortion and stated so from.the start, I offered to let him off the hook and told him he had a little time to find a place to move and I wouldn't ask him to take any responsibility for the baby since he didnt want it. I went to one of my checkups and he asked how it went and I told him I heard the heartbeat for the first time, he cried and begged me to forgive him and let him be a part of our lives. I worried a lot that he was only changing his mind because he didn't want to lose me or the stability I provide for him and his daughter (I'm a homeowner, I have a room full of toys from my oldest son and got a bed for his daughter and love shopping for girl clothes and stuff since I'm a boy mom. Being honest I was more upset about the possibility of losing our girl than losing him). He adores and is snuggling our 3 month old son right now, he cried when he was born and thanked me so many times for giving him his son. he is a good dad and I don't regret giving him a change to change his mind.

[@kijackson8374]

Story 1. You’ve gotten over one abortion and you could do it again but he can’t get over fathering a child/having one out in the world. He should’ve chosen his words wiser but that’s just the options you were facing.

[@MantisM8]

Not ready for a commitment to own a house or get married but a baby is fine 😂

[@KE-hr4sb]

"You shouldn't ask for child support from your bf because it was an accident"? What is that video commenter on? So she should bear 100% of the costs? They both chose to have sex. If you accidentally break a window, you still have to pay for it. S2: Your friend is in a catch 22: If she believes you, she accuses her bf of being a sleazeball. If she believes him, she accuses you of hitting on him. I'd ask her why you would be trying to get a hold of her and talk to her, if you were the one hitting on her bf? That said, I couldn't see a relationship with someone that would think that way of me. My best friends know me well enough to know I abhor cheaters.

[@Iflie]

I've actually seen women say that too, that if she gets to choose t have the baby he gets to choose to not be involved, what about the kid? They didn't get to choose to not have a father and have financial stress. Men know it's not their choice to have an abortion, their choice to not be a father starts and ends with where they park their weiner. No birthcontrol is 100% safe and talking about the what if's should happen before the pregnancy.

[@tigernotwoods914]

Story 1: but she’s the one choosing to being the child into the world. She has bodily autonomy. She can just abort. The comment is pointing out the hypocrisy of how her body body choice goes out the window when it comes to child support. That’s why paper abortion should be a thing. Your argument and similar is the same argument anti-choicers use against abortion.

[@Iflie]

@@tigernotwoods914 Men and women are not equal when it comes to the choices if she's already pregnant, that's just a law of nature. If he's having sex he's taking the responsibility, he doesn't get a choice. You can't make this more fair on men by letting them skip out of their responsibilities towards the babies they make.

[@tigernotwoods914]

@@Iflie actually we can. Whether or not we should I don’t know but paper abortion could be a thing. He signs something during the time window she could abort if she’s keeping it and he doesn’t want it. Ironically the only way to make it fair would be a ban abortion (which I’m against) but in that case then neither would have no way out. What’s the answer? I have no idea. Make vasectomy easier. End the age requirements and ridiculous rules around it. Being back research on male birth control pills. I agree males need to take responsibility beforehand. On the other hand she gets a way out so I don’t know.

[@Iflie]

@@tigernotwoods914 Like I said nature made it not fair, because she's the one taking the risks by carrying the baby she has more rights over her own body than she has. He's already on the hook for child support. He can;t duck out of the child's life just because he doesn't want a baby. She's already taking the risks by having a child, she will suffer far more than he will. Risk death even. But yes they should give men a vasectomy, most men rather have the women take care of everything even if that means her getting surgery to have her tubes tied as long as he doesn't have to get it done or wear condoms. Most men seen to get a child by accident by not wearing condoms and just having her take the pill.

[@barbaraunderwood1762]

The person that said not to make the guy pay child support has lost his mind. He needs to help regardless. She did not trap him. It just happened.

[@farah8035]

If I were her, I'd agree to get the abortion but I'd be breaking up with his irresponsible ass because clearly he hasn't grown up and I'm not going to be stuck with some childish dude's spawn.

[@MultiKswift]

I have what is probably a very hated opinion, but I do believe that it is fair. I am a cis women, so I could get pregnant. But since the person who is pregnant gets to end the pregnancy if they don't want to be a parent, and the other parent has no say. So the other parent should get to have a paper abortion (terminating their parental rights, and the other parent gets no say) for however long a women can get an abortion. So if the law bans abortions after 20 weeks, a guy can only get a paper abortion up to 20 weeks.

[@StarlitPaint]

Story 2: I was in a similar situation about a year and a half ago, maybe even more. The cast was a little different (ex best friend in her case was my straight up ex), but I feel so fucking hard for OP. (Heads up, if some curses are replaced it’s bc YT is suspicious of me being hateful in this comment, lol. This is a vent abt someone with a god complex who screwed me over with pretty much no identifying details, so YT pls let me live :’) ) Essentially what happened is that I (at the time 17F, now 19 genderqueer) broke up with my ex (at the time 16-17F, now 18-19(?)) and a few weeks later got together with someone else. Keep in mind me and my ex’s relationship was literally just over a single month, so I really wasn’t too hung up over it. Now I admit that budding feelings for another person were part of the reason I broke things off (aka the other person was literally just a better human being in every capacity of the word), but I never DARED think about pursuing ANYTHING with her until after I broke up with my ex. That’s just proper ettiquite, besides- my ex WAS my first gf. I had no idea what the hell I was doing and was in way over my head with someone I thought I knew but didn’t, lol. (For those curious, the person who came after was my best friend at the time. We’re not still together, but I AM with the best partner in the universe now. Have been for over a year!! :D) Anyways, fast forward a few weeks when me and this other person got together. Some of my ex’s cronies found out and reported back, lying to her face and telling her I cheated. Biggest [forkin] lie ever. These cronies had a personal vendetta against me for being a decent person on Twitter dot com and she KNEW that! Well, not the decent part. Part of the reason we broke up is bc she absolutely refused to see that I was in the right on the issue (as almost everyone else pointed out), and when one of her cronies sent me a dm calling me awful things and being a straight up [birch] in a 2 page long essay on why I’m an awful human being, she said they “””meant no harm by it”””. Uhh, what? Ok, I’m getting off track, back to the main story. So funny thing, she believed these two god awful Twitter cronies. Never came to clear it up with me, I’d have gotten receipts if she needed them! Instead she went to our mutual friend group and told them all with ZERO [FORKIN] PROOF that I had cheated on her. Oh yeah, that’s right- she had fucking NOTHING on me. Nor would she if I gave her my phone and a password to unlock everything! I never cheated!!! The most incriminating thing she had was some art piece I posted a few days AFTER we broke up where I drew me and at the time, purely platonic friend, doing a dance bc of a show we liked. There were so many people doing the same thing with just friends!!! Seriously!!! But y’know what, everyone fell for it hook line and sinker, aside from two people. The other person I mentioned, and ironically enough my current gf. What makes it worse though is everyone in the GC knew me longer! Like, several months longer!! NONE of them even THOUGHT to reach out and ask for my side. I had to panickdly text several people in the GC and ask why I had been kicked, and even then only like 2 people answered. They believed me when I told them my side (though blamed some of it on me bc I sent a few panic tweets about the situation while having a whole anxiety attack to try and preserve my reputation??? What???), but the damage was done. I lost all my trust in those friends, and bc of that [bullshirt] blame (which others have also agreed is bs) they kept their distance a little too. One by one I lost contact with them all. Oh, did I forget the part where the ex tried to get closure, kinda like the ex bestie in the story? Hah, right, but there were no apologies here. This drama happened in August 2020, and in December 2020 she sent a messenger my way to ask if we could talk to get closure. From how she worded things it was clear she still blamed me for everything, and so I essentially sent the messenger back with the message that she could go [fork] herself (in the nicest way possible). She lost her chance for closure the day she falsely accused me of something THAT fucking vile. She really didn’t know me at all, huh? Though I suppose the opposite is true too. …This ended up being something of a vent instead of me just sympathizing with OP, huh? Truth be told I don’t think about this nearly at all anymore, but with the combination of accidentally coming across my ex’s new content today and hearing this story, I suppose it reawakened some old grudge in me, lol. Y’know what though? I think I came out with the better end of the deal. What was waiting for me on the other side was a group of genuinely lovely, supportive friends who I’m still in contact with most of to this day. Sure I ended losing my second ex (for reasons well after we broke up- I messed up the friendship part and I know that, I still feel guilty to this day tbh), but I’m now with someone, as I mentioned, truly amazing. We match each other on every level and although long distance is hard, it’ll be so worth it in the end. I love them dearly, and I’m genuinely so happy now,,, so yeah, there’s my story! Time to go the hell to sleep, lol. (Also: Bonus points if you get the reference for where I got some of the swear replacements from :) )

[@sablemoreno5095]

Idk guys at least judgement for the post wise. Everyone is saying it's his responsibility to wrap up and all, I get it, but I see it a bit like this: You have someone you trust, friend family whatever. You go home after a long trip and they tell you they cleaned the counters throughly. You believe them because they've house/apartment sat for you before and it's never been an issue. Well this time they ended up missing a spot this time and you get sick (germs or allergies whatever you like better). You of course trusted them and it's never been an issue, so why would you double up on cleaning? I think its important to note that not everyone's education was the best- I mean, im early/mid 20s and I only knew about the whole "99.99%" thing for the various birth control types from various internet stories i would see while spending hours scrolling on the internet. I was never told that they could fail outside the obvious breakage/not consistently taking. My mom had to tell my sister about not taking specific medication with her pills because they would cancel it out (I forget if it was like antibiotics or something else, but it was really common). So it's not particularly common knowledge as people like to say- mind you I grew up in the California school system in one of the higher rated districts so it's not even a "crappy area crappy education system" type thing. Unless people are taught (and i mean through like daily life things, since schools obviously cant be trusted to be consistent) "raincoats + umbrellas" most aren't going to know to use both and assume 1 is enough- because when it's marketed and taught as a solid solution, most people don't think to question it leading to situations like the OP's bf.

[@samssams666]

I can't really speak on my baby trapping thing because I don't know anybody who's been baby trapped or tried to Baby trap someone but I think there still is a difference between baby trapping and wanting the father to take responsibility financially for the child that they help bring into the world the father doesn't have to be a part of the kids life but I think you should still pay money or at least maybe not child support but probably pay medical bills if the kid was like extremely sick or had to go to the hospital over the next 18 years or something like that pay for things that are necessities in life or death situations if you really don't want to fuck up his life through child support because sometimes that can be a touchy system especially with all the men who aren't biologically the father of children they are still legally obligated to give child support to the mother paternity tests be damned

[@dream6562]

I can go either way with children but if I did decide not to have children, I would make that clear and also clear that if they were to have a baby on accident, my stance would remain the same and would want a clean break

[@om3ga109]

Nah, if women get an out, guys get one too Consider the following: man and woman fuck, she gets pregnant, neither wanted it initially, contraceptive measures were taken, yadda yadda. Man decides "you know what, being a dad sounds cool, let's keep it." But the woman says no, so abortion it is, doesn't matter if he wouldn't demand CS, or would agree to be a single father, she gets to make a unilateral decision on the matter. So therefore, in the reverse scenario, everything's the same except it's the woman who decides to keep the child, because it's a unilateral decision on her part, the man has no ability to force her to abort, she has no right to force money out of him. Unilateral decisions have consequences only for the one who made them

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@om3ga109 dumbass didn't wear a condom. Dumbass gets to pay child support. Either get the snip or wrap it if ya don't want a kid

[@gaywerewolf1294]

@@Kris-wo4pj so then by what you say you're 100% anti-abortion?

[@pauldavisjr.3284]

Second op none of your former "friends" were ever your friends.

[@ToraTouchstone]

As far as the situation op was in with her ex best friend, the other ppl shouldn't of taken sides to began with. It wasn't their business. When my friends start drama with each other, I stay out of it, im here if they need to vent and give advice if wanted but I never take sides unless its just extra fucked up and for sure happened and even then I usually just tell the friend that was in the wrong that they fucked up, I dont end my friendships based off disagreements between others and I always get both sides. If they wanna work it out ill even play mediator, but thats as far as it goes. Its not my business if its not about me.

[@tigernotwoods914]

Story 1: NAH

[@stevenswitzer5154]

Yes

[@seabreezeblank1513]

Whether you can apportion or not is your choice he does pay child support if he didn't want to have kids he should have got a vasectomy

[@abrown507]

Unpopular opinion but men who don't use their own protection are irresponsible if you make the decision to rely on someone else then you don't get say.

[@debbieherrera1605]

The commenter Keri May is full of it. He really didn’t want children then it was his responsibility to use a condom or get a vasectomy. At 29 he is more than old enough to understand that. She can’t make him be a dad but he is 💯 responsible to pay child support for a child he helped create since he didn’t make sure that he didn’t create one. Birth control should be on both parties involved.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Why should the OP be the one moving out when it's her father's gf's and the bf has no connection to it.

[@valeriesrtaskey9208]

Someone who does not listen to both sides of the story is just showing their stupidity and is not worth your time.

[@rubymeaddle]

The commenter who accused her of baby trapping deserves to be slapped

[@silverstarmoon5802]

Op, u better be careful, ur boyfriend only change because the families are happy that ur pregnant and he didn't want to be TA or deadbeat in their eyes. So be careful when ur son is older, he will express his true feelings and leave u and ur son. When a guy wants u to have abortion, that a sign of red flag and didn't want to lose u. So, he forced himself to get accepted this new life. Op, I seen this happen and even happened to my best friend, and I was right about that guy, even he want abortion to his daughter before she was born and only wanted my friend to be his more than his little girlfriend, he was in it for sex.

[@bobwolfninja206]

Not to get political or anything but i think this sub would be acting differently if op wanted a abortion (im not prolife btw)

[@ArthropodJay]

its not his choice lmao its her choice.

[@comajuice]

@@ArthropodJay that would be fair if most men wouldn't be forced into being a dad or seen as deadbeats because of that

[@ArthropodJay]

@@comajuice i mean you can sign away your rights.

[@comajuice]

@@ArthropodJay it's not as easy as it sounds or else all "deadbeat" dads would've done so. Men wouldn't be forced to pay child support if it was that simple.

[@ArthropodJay]

@@comajuice You cant force a woman to get an abortion lol

[@lasmirandadennsiewillja9435]

If story 2 had been from the perspective of the friend:"I'm with the love of my life, great relationship, yadda yadda. One night he was out with our friends. He was completely shaken when he came back, close to crying. It took me some prying until he confessed that someone hit on him while he was out. He said he hated it but she wouldn't leave him alone, so he finally left early. I tried to comfort him but sensed that there was more to the story. After a while, he told me it was my best friend of 12 years! He said he didn't want to tell me because he knows how important she is to me and he didn't want to be responsible for destroying our friendship. I was livid. Even too livid to blow up her phone and lose my mind at her. Now I don't know what to do. I'm angry at her but she is my best friend and was supposed to be my bridesmaid once my bf and I decided to get married. The incident really disturbed my boyfriend and he said he doesn't want to join events where she's present but I don't know. She's my friend, would it be okay to cut her out of my life for molesting my boyfriend?" And you know how the comment section would react and it would not be in favour of the friend who allegedly harassed the boyfriend. Believe the victim, men get molested, too, it's even harder for them to speak up, that friend is jealous, protect your boyfriend, etc., and don't forget to tell your mutual friends before she feeds them lies so they can protect their boyfriends.

[@Resilient_Sage88]

But that isn't the case. He lied to her and even threw it in her face that she let him convince her that OP hit on him when the reverse was true. She even caught him cheating so none of this would be relevant to the actual story.

[@atinyevil1383]

You’re making this about something that it’s not. Men getting SA’d is a societal problem and not for you to use to play devil’s advocate.

[@Anna-B]

I agree, there was no clear answer for what to do on either side

[@anymous8407]

This!!

[@gaywerewolf1294]

tbh I agree with the first redditor to an extent and, imo, if a woman can have an abortion then a man should be able to have something similar to it. just bc a woman decides to have the kid doesn't mean a man should have to be forced into going along.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one: I worry for OP. If she stays and keeps the baby, he will abuse her and the baby for sure

[@springs9922]

Every dude that wants something different from the girlfriend is abusive right....

[@springs9922]

did u even read the update btw im anti toxic feminist

[@farah8035]

What she needs to do, is get the abortion or place the kid for adoption and then dump him. She doesn't need to involve him in either choice. But she needs to run, because he ain't grown.

[@theducklinghomesteadandgar6639]

The comment about it not being planned should absolve one if the other decides to keep, because, "it was an accident, or unplanned," IS COMPLETE AND TOTAL BS!!! The only guarantee for no pregnancy is abstinence!!! If one participates they accept the responsibility of any child conceived of their actions, BC or not!!!

[@antoinealez12]

Story 1: I'm glad dude turned around and fully committed but make no mistake there was no possible exit route for him. He was trapped either way. She can say that she wouldn't go after him for child support but who's to say she won't change her mind a decade from now. There is no statue of limitations on child support because of something called back child support. He wouldn't be able to give up his parental rights either unless there was someone else to take his place. Story 2: I'm confused on why people are upset that she reached out after her suspicions were confirmed, what was she supposed to do reach out depsit knowing that OP may or may not have made a move on her man? She made a decisions with the little information that she had, it was a basically a he/she said situation. In a perfect world one would believe the person they had the most history with but that's not really how the world work. Even close friends end up betraying one another.

[@jimbobjones9330]

On story 2, it wasn't even a "he said/she said", it was "he said, and she won't even listen to OP" People are upset because it took the boyfriend taunting her with this for the shitty "friend" to bother coming to OP. So, just another instance of shitty friend being shitty. All shitty friend wants is a sounding board, and showed the type of person she is.

[@antoinealez12]

@@jimbobjones9330 she did hear OP and the only thing she had to say was he is lying and that he was coming onto her. That is still he said/she said. There was no way for the friend to confirm who was lying and who was telling truth. There are stories like this where its the other way around and the friend was the one lying.

[@mesiagamer5217]

How long were the two together in the first story?

[@sierrastanley3109]

I can see the couple co-parenting just fine but I don't think their a right fit for each other.

[@ujimars5499]

Wtf is wrong with people with putting all the responsibly onto the man's shoulders you ALSO have a choice to A. Not have sex with someone. B. Use Proper birth control effectively. Its your body your choice right ? If you make that choice without proper consent and talking to your partner then its YOUR responsibly .. Let me say that again YOUR. You can not or should not be allowed to make a choice that effects two different people and life of a child solely by your choice.

[@soulsisterwillis]

I'm sorry but wtf did I just listen to and read? And the comments, like really wtf?! Contraceptive failure or not she didn't get pregnant on her freaking own! No HE had sex with her and HE got her pregnant. HE needs to take responsibility just like she does. No man has the right to tell a woman to get an abortion just because he doesn't want to be a father. Like if he doesn't want to then she can't. Women are not property and men do not own our fucking wombs. It is not up to them whether we have babies or not. If he wasn't ready to be a dad he should have kept it in his pants. And people need to stop thinking that if a man says he doesn't want to be a dad and the woman refuses to have a abortion that means she's forcing him to be one and that she shouldn't ask for child support or have him be involved. That's why these men go on to keep getting several women pregnant because too many women think this way. If you get a woman pregnant than YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE! Just as much as she is. I can't believe how people think. People were talking like everything was her fault like they were trying to push her twords the abortion just because it's what he wanted. Stop thinking that if a woman gets pregnant and decides to keep it that she's trapping the man if he doesn't want it. It isn't his body it's hers and she decides what is and isn't done to it. Getting an abortion isn't a simple thing. It's surgery, and it's deeply invasive. It's choosing to end a life, and it's traumatic for a woman. But too many men act like it isn't a big deal cause it isn't happening to them. And they aren't thinking about the woman just about themselves. As soon as a man suggested abortion to me that would be the end. No more discussion. See you in friend of the court. And yes I've been in this situation and yes it was the end for him and me.

[@maryp9923]

That first story gives me the geebies man I feel like the dad is going to eventually resent the kid a lot and the kids guna suffer :{

[@hakudoushinumbernine]

Yeah, the whole "you did it once, it shouldn't be a problem to do it again" is the same mentality that so called pro-lifers have like its an addiction. Its about circumstances. Thats just my opinion.

[@antoinealez12]

lol i know. That was savage 🤣🤣🤣

[@AngelWJedi]

I think bs for this op. I get the feeling she is trapping the poor dude

[@farah8035]

Go feel sorry for the man baby somewhere else little miss pick me girl. He'll do the same shish to you.

[@lovepower4899]

lmao he couldve used a condom.

[@GrassJelly101]

That comment about not holding the bf accountable for HIS baby makes no sense. Even if he didn't expect her to get pregnant and the BC failed, he still fully consented to having sex with her. It takes two to tango, and he can't just bang her and not face consequences for his actions. With this logic, not a single man/father out there should be expected to pay child support

[@robertx8020]

But you can't force someone to be happy about it!

[@GrassJelly101]

@@robertx8020 I never said anything about forcing someone to be happy about it

[@ericaallisonc]

Then she needs to live with the idea of being a single mother. The guy doesn’t have to stick around and he probably won’t if he doesn’t want to be a father. Tag him for child support since it takes 2 to tango, and live with your choice of being a single mother.

[@robertx8020]

@@GrassJelly101 No, I did Yes he's responsable ...No he doesn't have to like it!

[@robertx8020]

@@ericaallisonc correct he should pay... but you can't force him to be a father (sometimes unfortunatelly so )

[@lovepower4899]

Why are so many people on the guy's side?? LOL women dont make themselves pregnant. Geez and a guy forcing and pushing an abortion on women is disgusting and him saying "you'll get over it"....that in itself is disgusting. A man's feelings or penis is not more important than a mother or a baby's life. Kids: sex is the responsibility for both parents, a woman is not responsible for pregnancy solely and isn't solely responsible for contraception.

[@queenwilco3723]

Trying to trap him? Being on birth control and not trying to get pregnant absolves someone of the responsibility of that child? I believe in equal rights for men and fight for them so yes the father should get a say before a termination (personally I don't believe in them). If both don't agree then both parents have equal say and equal responsibility. That means both would be required to put the baby up for adoption but if not both are financially and emotionally responsible for that child. Don't want that, then don't have sex, every time you have sex you risk a pregnancy as the whole point of sex is reproduction. Birth control has a risk of failure, it's never a 100% guarantee. The time to decide you don't want the responsibility is before you do the 1 action that it's whole purpose is to make another human. Decide you don't want to be in that child's life, fine, you still get to be financially responsible. And while you can walk away and forget about that child for a while it will eventually come back to bite you later. Only then you'll be responsible for the hurt and pain you caused that child by abandoning. Don't want to be an active parent? Don't want to financially put out for a child? Don't want to think about another humans emotional, mental and financial well-being? Then don't have sex. This is a possibility every single time you have sex, but you get upset when you gamble and eventually a baby happens. I mean you rob houses and you risk staring down the end of a barrel and have 0 right to get upset at the situation you put yourself in. Don't want a child, don't have sex. Be prepared for the consequences of the actions your actions and don't get upset and force other people to negate your responsibility for you.

[@iamprettydumb8553]

Are married couples who don't want kids not supposed to have sex? I never want children. I use protection (bc and condoms) and I know what I'll do if I ever do get pregnant (abortion). I wouldn't feel bad about either 🙂.

[@queenwilco3723]

@@iamprettydumb8553 there are ways to prevent pregnancy that are more long term and permanent but even those can fail. Having sex without the purpose of having a child is strictly for pleasure, again with that comes the possibility of pregnancy. If he did not want kids he could have had a vasectomy, heck even donate or sell his boys so that there isn't that possibility. Why is it all on her? Why is it she was responsible for the birth control and when it failed she "trapped him"? Actually kind of misogynistic if you think about it. Every risk taken without more permanent measures put in place is a risk of pregnancy. I'm married, we have 4 of our own plus several adopted and I have titanium clamps to prevent pregnancy. Yet, the possibility was there every time we had sex and we were prepared for that chance because we were making the decision to have sex for pleasure knowing that it's soul purpose is in creating life.

[@iamprettydumb8553]

@@queenwilco3723 That paragraph didn't answer my question.

[@queenwilco3723]

@@iamprettydumb8553 yes, it answered it very well. Sex always comes with the risk of pregnancy, married or not. Take proper precautions if you don't want kids but it's never full proof in any way. So if you want the pleasure of Sex you accept the possibility of a child happening.

[@iamprettydumb8553]

@@queenwilco3723 That's what abortion is for.

[@lilyrose1581]

It takes two to make a baby that one comment where it says being irresponsible it would take both of them being irresponsible for that or if it is one of them that wants it but the other doesn't then the person who wants it is trying to baby trap the other and I do think it's unfair that one party at least here in the states the mother gets to choose whether or not the man should be held responsible and the man has to fight tooth-and-nail they have his right of not having to have anything to do with the child including Financial because the money doesn't go to the kid let's make that clear it goes to the mother and that money is supposed to be for living expenses at a smaller percentage of it for the kid such as particulars whether it be diapers and or clothing but too many women take advantage of it and use it for luxury items even if this wasn't the case I still believe it should change Yes we finally gotten to the point that we recognize that women should have the choice whether or not to have the child because she's the one carrying it that being said she shouldn't have the power to say whether or not the man has to be involved just like she gets a choice whether or not to have that baby cuz I'm pretty sure there would be some men out there that would want their love to carry their child but she doesn't want to he should have the right to not be a part of it honestly and this is the Sinister part the laws dealing with marriage and child support want to make sure that they are taking care of each other only because they don't want to have to take care of the child but really if they want them to be married the best thing to do for someone who wants to have kids and that their partner make sure that they are part of it is once they are married even after they divorced that the kid will be taken care of or signed papers well before the baby is even born and if the child is shown not to be theirs Don't Force the man to take care of a baby that he assumed was his unless he signs a different document showing that he would be the adoptive father of a child that he's aware that is not his it's jacked way too much in the mother's favor and it has obviously been used and abused too much for me not to say anything I'm not saying men are innocent when it comes to these things I'm just saying we need to take a different approach that is a lot more fair to both parties of course the woman's going to get more I guess fanfare or benefits because she's growing a person inside of her but again she should not have that power over another person's head

[@-Foxy-Fox-]

Don't want to be a father remain celibate or get a vasectomy. Birth control isn't 100%.

[@Tues48]

Or have an agreement saying what would be expected if an accidental pregnancy happen before said pregnancy happens.

[@comajuice]

Really hope anyone with this shitty stance is also anti abortion. Not that I am, but if you're pro choice yet force men to be fathers that's just blatant sexism.

[@Tues48]

@@comajuice fathers can sign away their rights. You can be pro choice and anti forcing parenthood on all sides on the gender spectrum. Not all absentee parents are forced to pay child support (mine didn't).

[@comajuice]

@@Tues48 I'm well aware, but the OP of this comment doesn't seem to agree with that. Since the comment implies if men have sex they have to be responsible for whatever kid comes out of that, yet women can have an abortion. Additionally alienating parental rights isn't as easy as it sounds and if it was most men wouldn't be paying child support.

[@-Foxy-Fox-]

@@Tues48 that would be fair too.

[@best13999]

Dude, you're relationship isn't a committed one if he bounces when you get pregnant and keep the baby. And will people PLEASE stop being all *surprised Pikachu face* when contraceptives fail!!! The only 100% contraceptive is abstinence, which is why I advocate for it. Don't want a kid, don't have sex. You're not entitled to consequence-free sex. Get over it, that's life.

[@BlackLotus30]

Ok for story 2 the OP and the bestfriend are morons, I get why she would feel upset by the bestfriend reaction but imagine if it was the other way around turned to be true? The OP never once tried to see it from the bestfriend point of view and she also tossed her friendship aside.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Umm nah when u have sex u take the chance U pay child support and see baby or you pay child support. He should have worn a damn condom. I personally haven’t had an abortion but it’s a womens body her choice to what she wants to do.

[@anymous8407]

Op in the first story definitely baby trapped the boyfriend

[@fcold9402]

1. Disagree with commenter. Unless it was intentional sabotage of contraceptives it is as much the mans fault as the womans that they engaged in activity that could result in having a child and he does have a responsiblity to that child if the mother does not choose to kill it. Yes women get the loan decision on killing the child because it is there body it is growing in. If you are a man and have sex you must understand that if a kid is born you are half responsible period. I may be inclined to make exceptions for men that were baby trapped by scamming women. But even then, they chose to participate in risky activity and it is not up to the rest of society to pay for their kid. Maybe pay less, or the mother gets punished in some other way or something.

[@tigernotwoods914]

1. It’s equally the man’s fault as far as causing pregnancy. It’s 100% her that chooses to bring the actual child into the world. She has a way out. She chooses not to utilize it then the law allows her to force him to pay for that choice for 18 years. This is what people are pointing out. Whether right or wrong is debatable.

[@fcold9402]

@@tigernotwoods914 Yes. The default should be assumed to be not killing the kid. The woman can choose otherwise due to the nature of childbirth. The man's choice was earlier in the process and he gets no vote later and has to deal with the consequences of his original choice. May not be "fair" but that is life and you live with the choices you make when you have the opportunity to make them.

[@tigernotwoods914]

@@fcold9402 abortion isn’t killing a kid. It never becomes a kid in the first place. Terminating a pregnancy isn’t killing an actual child already here. It’s simply preventing a potential child from being born in the first place.

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@fcold9402 nope. If you have a kid without the fathers consent you have no right to his money. You are choosing to be a single mother

[@fcold9402]

@@emilybarclay8831 The man gave his consent when he chose to do the thing that created the kid without having himself snippity snipped or making sure he himself had full proof protection. To the other person. While i am ok with everyone having a choice over their own body i think we at least need to be honest about it. If someone has a miscarriage we say they lost a kid. If someone has an abortion, they chose to lose the kid (aka caused its death). It is their choice but a kid was in the process of being created and was ended. Why must people pretend otherwise?

[@cnow82]

No support? If he can engage in the act with a consequence of pregnancy, he can’t get a ay with no responsibility. That’s BS.leave it to Reddit to pile onto the woman for getting pregnant even though she actively was the only one trying to prevent getting pregnant. But she is the bad guy?! GTFO 🤬

[@elisejackson2854]

She chose to have an abortion before. What’s the difference with what he’s doing?

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@elisejackson2854 dumbass didn't wrap his dick before sticking it in. Dumbass is a dumbass who gets to pay the cost of being a dumbass. Idk why people don't get it.

[@tigernotwoods914]

This is the same argument anti-choices use against abortion.

[@tigernotwoods914]

@@Kris-wo4pj because she’s the one that’s choosing to bring the actual child into the world. She has a way out.

[@lalvarez5151]

Story 1- she would be the AH because the dad has said he does not want anything to do with baby, he also points out that they will struggle. The girl wants to force a baby into the world that will have a bad life right off the bat

[@Kris-wo4pj]

He can still pay for his fuck up and not be in the kids life. Maybe he'll learn to wrap his dick.

[@lenax9798]

Im on the side of the dude, as a woman. I am 100% against terminations but if you keep a baby, youre responsible for it. A feew weeks of crying is not worse than 18 years of caring of a kid YOU never wanted. He is correct, she is living in a fantacy world. Im sure 4 weeks after baby is born, she'll cry about how she is tired, has no time for friends and fun and how the baby wants all her attention.

[@tsubakiofmelancholy6297]

Thing is he said she should abort the baby. So now she thinks she either has to keep it, or kill it. In reality, neither of them are ready, but that doesn't mean terminate the baby. There are many families out there who will gladly adopt the baby. And even families who will pay for all the pregnancy needs until the baby is born, then they adopt the baby.

[@c.d.4319]

Story 1: The moment they decided to have sex, *knowing* that there is *always* a possibility of pregnancy, they *both* were responsible for the outcome. It doesn't matter if he'd rather be a father or not. He should definitely still pay for child support. Wtf is wrong with Reddit?

[@emilybarclay8831]

Consent to sex isn’t consent to pregnancy. If she wants to keep it she’s choosing to parent 100% alone

[@c.d.4319]

@@emilybarclay8831 Having sex implies, especially as adults, that both parties are willing to deal with any and all consequences as a result. It took his sperm to impregnate her, therefore he needs to take responsibility.

[@Ixbran]

Why is it women get the option to chose weathernor not to be a parent. But when it comes to men they don't? Their partner either makes them be a father against their will if they dont want it, or they're forced to pay child support after leaving the mother. It fucking sucks. Okay im please pleasantly surprised at the comments who are vouching for him and his feelings on the situation. I was just expecting the standard toxic "tell him to man up and force him to be a parent." statments. But instead people took his feelings and concerns to heart and called her out in her dismissing his feelings. In the end its a happy ending with them both being great parents, but I'm still glad people were taking his feelings into account and telling her to do the same.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Because the woman is the who is going through the trauma. Don't want kids? Get snipped

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Btw the manchild coward can sign away his rights.

[@robertx8020]

@@manxiefeathermoon9888 The woman could choose not to have sex? Why is it all on the man?

[@radiantgoldensun6438]

Because men make the decision to have a baby when they allow their sperm to be released into a fertile womb….that’s why.

[@GrassJelly101]

@@robertx8020 the man also could choose not to have sex?

[@WobblesandBean]

Good luck staying in school with a newborn. 😂 Let the poor man sign away his rights and get on with his life. You chose this, not him, don't be a baby trapper.

[@amandab8433]

She didn't "Baby trap" him, he did that to himself. If he wasn't ready to be a parent then he should have 1. Abstained, because no birth control is 100%, or 2. Gotten a vasectomy, and then gone through the waiting period to make sure it took. He's a grownass man who should have known better. I have told my sons the same thing about sex, procreation, and responsibilities.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

Dude didn't wear a condom isn't baby trapping if ya don't wrap it. If ya being a dumbass.

[@WobblesandBean]

@@amandab8433 Honey, I guarantee you, now that the baby is born and they both are run ragged with no sleep and constant baby crying, it's only a matter of time before he runs for the hills. And given how self-centered OP was at the beginning of this saga, there's no way she's going to be true to her word, she'll already be halfway to the courts the minute he's out the door.

[@WobblesandBean]

@@amandab8433 Oh, and by the way, that goes both ways. Would you ever tell a woman "it's your fault for not getting your tubes tied", or tell her she's obligated to raise a baby she does not want? Something tells me no. No, you wouldn't. So why the double standards when it comes to men? As a feminist, I believe in equality. If a woman shouldn't be forced to raise/pay for a baby she doesn't want, then the same should apply to men. He should be granted the option to sign away his rights. It's her choice to keep the baby, but he should be given the chance to opt out. Unfortunately, this guy didn't take it and didn't get OP's "promise" in writing, so he's screwed. These two are headed straight for disaster.

[@tigernotwoods914]

@@WobblesandBean even if he got her promise in writing it won’t hold up in court. She can still legally take him to the cleaners and the courts will side with her. There’s no legal way out for males.

[@claudeyaz]

Lol why are women not ready when they are already almost past the best age of being a mom.

[@claudeyaz]

Also getting 2 abortions may make having kids when she is on the older side..hard

[@-MaryPoppins-]

Lmfao actions have consequences. It doesn’t matter what you do, protection, or not. Babies will happen if you’re having sex. Have your child, and have him sign off his rights NOW. That way, he won’t have to pay child support, and will not be in the child’s life. And you will keep your baby. A grown adult in graduate school can absolutely go on to raise and happy healthy baby.

[@samssams666]

I have opinions on abortion where I personally can't do it and I only think it's wrong of someone to get an abortion when they can responsibly provide for the child or at least try but they don't want to try because they want to be irresponsible and party and drink because there's a big difference between being an irresponsible freeloader versus someone who might need to pinch a few pennies just to help get by on bills if you can sacrifice things that you don't need for a baby then do that and that sounds like that's what Opie wants to do and I don't feel sorry for the boyfriend I'm sorry actually I'm not sorry because if you are not 100% sure about having a baby and this goes both for the mother and the father of the baby then you do not have sex plain and simple and if it's rape then the mother should have a choice over her own body and if you start to argue with me about how the baby doesn't have a choice in this you're right the baby doesn't have a choice in this and as sad as that is the Bible literally does not say anything about aborted babies going to hell because the babies did not sin therefore the babies have no reason to be in hell in the first place and would probably go to heaven

[@ericaallisonc]

DEAR LORD USE PROPER PUNCTUATION!!!

[@Spgzay]

You must be extremely religious

[@samssams666]

@@Spgzay actually I'm not, I'm a miracle baby.

[@SpaceMonolith1.4.9]

You forgot these ,,, 😶☝️

[@Spgzay]

@@samssams666 🙄🙄🙄