My Parents Keep INSISTING That I'm GAY r/Relationships

[@infinessia4019]

I’m sorry for OP going through that, sadly the old ‘ignore bullies and they’ll go away’ is very rare, the only way to get a bully to go away is often to play their own game.

[@Draggonny]

That's not always true. The bullies at my school got very bored with me when I didn't react to physical pain. They want a reaction. They want to see you physically or emotionally hurt. If you don't react, they go find a more amusing target. Evil little sadists that they are. Now that he isn't going to be upset about being called gay that insult won't be fun anymore for the bullies.

[@anarchylove92]

Yeah usually beatdown makes them think twice.

[@iamhungey12345]

@@Draggonny That's rare since they never stop even if ignored.

[@kuno3336]

I kept a detailed log of what my bully did and turned him into the VP. That actually worked, we became friends after

[@thanos8077]

@@anarchylove92 I agree but sadly even fighting back can make a person's situation worse depending on where they live

[@sophdog2564]

I have felt the denial that OP in story one has and it is super wild. I actually had the thought "I'm so jealous of boys, they get to date pretty girls. Too bad I'm straight" almost word for word.

[@jfcfanfic]

😆

[@justaperson4656]

Honestly, I had a similar experience. Something along the lines of "I'd love to be someone's husband, shame I'm afab" before figuring out I'm trans.

[@j.j.juggernaut9709]

@@justaperson4656 Hmm, and as a straight girl I always wanted to top a guy but that does not mean... Does it? XD

[@squirrel670]

@@j.j.juggernaut9709 same, I dont think it does but who knows.

[@justaperson4656]

@@j.j.juggernaut9709 nah, there's a difference between "I want to top" and "I want to be a husband"

[@jodycotton9454]

I was truly heartbroken for “Abby’s mom” and young Abby. I’m 59, a mom of 5 adult children and 9 grandchildren and am just now coming to terms with some of my own childhood traumas. Be well Abby.

[@Ospyro3em]

I remember hearing story 2 elsewhere- quite the twist, albeit a sad one. Man, calling a friend lame is mild- hell, here in the UK we often insult our best friends as a way of endearment (without going too far, obviously)

[@nakidoodles5645]

Literallly i call my friends names all the time but i love them all. Curses, lame, lamo's, nerds, dummys, dumb, literally anything. As soon as one is upset though, those joking mean nicknames get put away for more sweet and lovingly platonic ones, like lovely, sweety, babes, precious, ect. I also have ADHD so as soon as i heard the girl callign her friend lame, i literally just looked over to my own messages to my friends where ive called them names as a first message of the day to see what they were up to. Its so common and if we did really have a problem and used a mean name on them, you can hear it in our voices. Its not the giggly, light hearted dumb, its a hard mean one. (this is also me doing my best to censor myself lol)

[@saratronus]

And me and my friends always takes shots at each other even here in America USA lol

[@TisOnlyAScratch]

I vaguely remember a situation in my own childhood. My parents scolding me for "being rude" when I mirrored my friends and other adults by using different insults in a lighthearted manner. "When we do it, we know we're joking but when you do it, we can't tell and therefore others might not be able to tell." Then some of that humor was directed at me and I got offended. "You're so sensitive. You need to grow a thick skin. We're only kidding." My unspoken thought that I've tried to answer throughout my 21 years of adult life + earlier years: "So....it's ok for you and others to joke around and offend me but I'm not allowed to do the same. Why not? What is ok joking and what isn't and when and with whom?" Continued Thoughts: I still haven't come up with a perfect answer. I can only joke like this with my children and we understand each other. Hubby understands but refuses to use similar insults with me (literally and seriously, no sarcasm here, a true sweetheart) so I keep my insults much more tame with him. My kids don't get in trouble and we respectfully ask to turn it off when a member isn't in the mood for the insult humor. The request is respected. I avoid it with everyone else. I'm told I'm one of the nicest, most respectful, honest, and professional people in my workplace. In the past, others tried to get some of that out of me by socializing me more (they were somewhat successful but not too much). I still feel uncomfortable in social situations where an insult is thrown at me because it's difficult to know how far I can go and I never start it. Being nice and patient is my own defense mechanism. Anyone who attacks me looks like the jerk while I remain the perfect angel, especially if they get me to cry which only happens if a raw, emotional nerve is hit (most are hidden and I do my best to hold the tears in until I'm in private).

[@olinewright6877]

@@TisOnlyAScratchMy brother and I and possibly my younger sister while we were in school would trade "friendly insults" and the three of us got along very well. I grew up in the States and moved here to Australia in late 2009 to marry my husband. He taught me that you always take the piss out of your mates. so I can give as good as I get much of the time.

[@meghanplayssims]

i wish there wasnt such a push for people to constantly be in relationships or be hitting on people, when i was younger i remember everyone telling me i HAD to have a crush even though i didnt, i felt like i had to make one up. plus straight is considered the default so i'm not surprised OP didn't know at first. i didn't figure out i was bi until college

[@cassiebones]

My mom used to ask me every day if there was a boy I liked until finally I was like yes, this one (my longtime friend) just to get her off my back. I would pick boys I knew would never like me back just so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I would give her a name and she would leave me alone for the most part. I paid more attention to the boys I named just so I could have something to tell her when she asked BUT I know I never actually liked them. I liked girls but I didn't know that was a thing until late into high school. I came out in college but mom still insists that I can't be gay bc I used to have crushes on boys.

[@ladyj.9350]

My parents sat me down and asked me if I wanted to date girls and I was like no. Years later I realized I didn’t want to date boys either. Cake is good though

[@nataliemolnar9280]

@@ladyj.9350 Garlic bread too!

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@nataliemolnar9280 garlic bread is God. Garlic bread is life.

[@Argonisgema]

@@fiyahquacker2835 garlic bread makes you fat.

[@MrRyukage]

The OP in story 1 is like my old best friend in high school. People assumed he was gay but never consider that fact I'm gay,that it kinda obvious that I'm. Yet people assume I'm straight

[@Draggonny]

It's like the OP was saying about not sounding gay. They don't really mean gay, they mean camp. It's possible to be gay but not camp or camp but not gay. Old TV show stereotypes have convinced people that all gay guys are high-pitched, ultra dramatic and effeminate when that's not the case. That's just what they could get away with on TV before same sex relationships were legal.

[@wordforger]

Probably better at concealing your lack of interest in the opposite gender and/or better at hiding your interest in the same gender. Or nobody around you has good gaydar. :P

[@ashleypowers4177]

I think I was in middle school when my mother asked me if I was gay. I'm 38 now and it's only in the last few years that I've been able to understand the damage she did. That was in the late 90's, and the terror is caused was horrible. With my mother, I could never just be ready to do things in my own time. She was always pushing. She destroyed my life because I could always hear her in the back of my head.

[@Covenantt666]

❤

[@rogueashes8272]

... I feel called out by OP's friend in story one lol. I was the same way in high school (minus the bullying. I was one of the invisible ones) and I finally came out to myself in the pandemic. Got a lot of "We were just waiting for you to come out" from my family.

[@dollface2907]

the issue really is op parents are sort of forcing them to come out when they should just waited to they know what they wanted

[@rollothecat2010]

Yes. Exactly. Never ever bully someone about their sexuality. Never ever assume about someone, please wait until they tell you so. I sorry OP was bullied. I am glad OP figured it out by examining the issue himself. And that his friend and reddit helped him on how to figure it out himself.

[@annahorne6806]

Both my children have come out Bi. Best thing to do is wait till they are ready to work it out for themselves. I'm ok with whatever. My sister is gay but she hasn't come out to me yet so I'm not going to push it. It does take time. Wish kids are accepting and understanding to not bully others. My daughter has a trans friend who she adores. We had long talks about accepting people for who they really are. The bi thing came as a surprise but I'm happy that she's happy.

[@dollface2907]

@@annahorne6806 true, the bullying issue is probably because the bully learnt that from home also I'm surprised that no one tried to have the talk like the fact there parents was sort of we still love you gave me bad vibs

[@annahorne6806]

@@dollface2907 The still love you sounded not genuine.

[@InitialPC]

I dated a girl and she cheated on me and I dumped her, she started spreading around that I was gay and she would spend the rest of high school directing gay slurs not just at me but at actual LGBT students. This was only a few years ago btw, I'm still shocked that her attitude was so vehemently supported in this era.

[@squirrel670]

She's got issues

[@joaolima7131]

What a witch, those kind of cheaters who don't just take accountability AND start false rumors about their exes are the worst

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

Ok Story one: I was bullied throughout high school for the same exact reason (although it devolved into physical violence against me). People thought I was gay, and being raised in a conservative Christian mindset I have since broken, I denied it tooth and nail. The update made me think of my own struggle and internal issues I had throughout a good year and some change. I sympathize with the OP more than I care to admit and I'm glad there was a bit of resolution. Cheers to figuring out you bud!

[@jacksparrowismydaddy]

**hugs you**

[@Gregarious3]

funny, you do not seem gay. Good gosh, I have desired girls from at least 2nd grade. Best of luck for everyone to just be happy.

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

@@Gregarious3 I'm bi so I don't look entirely gay lmao

[@joaolima7131]

@@Gregarious3 not trying to be that person, but a lot of people who are gay don't "seem gay" until you actually ask them, my brother who is straight said that he met some gay men that are more of a men than straight men, who are tough, very masculine etc, not all gays act feminine. It can be confusing even for gays themselves sometimes. I'm gay and some girls would hit on me on high school, granted that I didn't even know I was back then, also conservative family. Started to discover myself at uni, guess I'm a late bloomer because I wasn't interested in dating at all at HS

[@Vipre-]

Well that first story was a total ride. More twists and hairpin turns than I've seen in a long time. Story 2: Abby's mom would have a full on stroke if she heard the stuff my friend and I call each other. "Lame" doesn't even crack the top 100.

[@platinum_noelle]

By the end of the first story, I could only think of the movie "But I'm a Cheerleader" 😅 Story 2, Abby didn't call Taylor lame, she called the fact that Taylor couldn't come lame. That's what the phrase "he/she's lame and can't come" means. OP needs to take a second to sit in a corner and reflect. Lame isn't even a real insult anymore 🙄 post edit: oml that's so freaking sad, poor Abby

[@jazzamethyst8225]

Some parents really strive to be their child’s first bully. It’s heartbreaking

[@fiyahquacker2835]

Though I feel like the first story is a "the road to hell is paved with good intentions " situation

[@tgbedini]

When I was about 19-20 I had a circle of fun friends, and one of them started a rumor that I was gay. I was, of course, young, dumb, and crazy about women, but this rumor got back to me, and when I objected, I got the "you protest too much" line thrown at me. (it was the 60s, and no where near as aware as now, but in this group, we were fairly cool about things.) It turns out, the guy who started the rumor was a gay leaning bisexual. I suspect it may have been wishful thinking on his behalf. My parents? There was the lecture I got from my stepfather where he hinted that anything, even interracial marriage (oh! the horror) was better than being thought gay. So, 50 plus years later, idiots still abound, and we still live in a sexually repressed and obsessed society.

[@hello93617]

I mean, it sound alike the majority of important people in OPs life accepted his sexuality (albeit too forcefully). OP's problem here isn't from a sexually repressed society (actually maybe the opposite, people seem waaaaay to invested in his sexuality) it's from himself.

[@tgbedini]

@@hello93617 Sure, but his own rejection of his sexuality, and the bullying he got at school, certainly had societal elements. But, withall, his parents seem to be trying to do their best by him, and he seems to have a few real friends, so there's hope for a pretty good outcome.

[@cindykq8086]

Idiots will be with us always.

[@83gemm]

I’m female. When I was in school I had zero interest in dating. I dunno, that whole drive just kicked in really late for me. I also never got into make up and clothes (still don’t understand the shoe obsession culture and I’m almost 40 lol). Mind you, I’m not one of those, “I’m anti girly girl stuff,” people. It’s just not MY thing. So there I was in my sweats and ponytails never expressing crushes. So everyone, and I mean EVERYONE assumed I was a lesbian. I’m including my gay male friends. My mom only said something to me once about how she’d love me no matter what, but I gave her a death glare and she dropped it. But I do know she thought it. It got so bad that I thought I must be lying to myself. When I was in college I tried making out with a girl who I knew really well and who was stupidly attractive. That was such a relieving moment. Kissing her was completely different from kissing guys. It wasn’t a repulsion, it was just nothing. No attraction at all. That’s when I knew everyone was wrong and I was straight. Honestly, it’s a shame I’m not even bi, because the girl and I would’ve made a good couple. 😂

[@theresaschuebel5151]

I wasn't interested in dating very much in school either. I had a total of 6 boyfriends. Dated one out of pitty for a couple months because he was the brother of a friend.

[@GIChiyo]

Story 1: THANK YOU to that commenter for mentioning asexuality

[@AZUREPHOENIX777]

That first story is horrifying imo. Relentless bullying is something I can definitely relate to, and it's the type of thing to fuck with your psyche for years afterwards. OP's effectively been forced into denial of his own sexuality because he can't stand the people targeting him on a daily basis being right about him, and I absolutely get that. He needs to tell his parents that: 1) He's being bullied about being gay in school. 2) The parents are making him feel worse because their constant questioning of his sexuality is only reminding him of the bullying. 3) He needs time to figure stuff out for himself without people hassling him about it.

[@llamabrat07]

I feel like OP started getting bullied for being gay before he could even start figuring it out on his own & it pushed him into denial. His parents pushing about him being gay pushed him further into denial. Basically, if OP hadn’t been bullied he may have figured out his sexuality sooner.

[@locusxe1411]

I remember story 2. I was shocked to hear about the update but understood why Op did it somewhat. Mother is a huge POS. Whje I talk to my friends we call each other way worse over the phone and in person. My mom overheard my conversations a lot and she wouldn’t care because she says the same type of things to her friends as well.

[@TheZMage]

I totally relate to OP1. Although I still haven’t quite figured out my orientation I’ve been told a joke that the appropriate order in which to come out is first you come out to everyone you know, then to yourself, then to your mom

[@TheDarwinProject1]

I've never spoken to another autistic who made it to adulthood (diagnosed or undiagnosed) without cPTSD & it's so disgusting when parents of autistics add to it by abusing them. 60% of autistics experience suicidal thoughts as well as homelessness. Many autistics have to live with abusive parents all their lives because society will not give them the housing & supports they need when we cannot work or get thru college without accommodations that those systems find "unreasonable". We often have multiple disabilities, including chronic pain, due to low levels of dopamine & inability to make/use endogenous opioids. Much of the research into autism is only done on boys, so women/nb & adults in general don't have evidence based medical research & thus we have little to no supports/care that's paid for by medicare/medicaid or any other medical insurance & medical providers don't know how to help us. While that's changing as more autistics enter the research field & we use our unique abilities to find help for ourselves, there are many kids left in homes like Abby's & even more with parents who refuse to listen to adult autistics about how to help their children thrive. Ideally, if the parents are willing to seek help from us via support groups online, we can start to create Big Brother/Sister/Sibling programs to help autistic kids have someone who's been there & has unique tools & perspectives to turn to. That, in addition to autistic research done by autistics & having many medical providers who want to learn how to help us, we can start to build a more autistic friendly world. It needs government to also push for disability programs that help keep us off the street/educate us &/or find ways to use & reward our abilities, for example in animal shelters & service dog training programs, which many autistic women are uniquely suited for.

[@miriehr5993]

My heart aches for Abby! Trauma sucks, specially when it's your parents abuse and lack of compassion and empathy. I'm supposed to schedule a session with a psychiatrist to check if I'm ADD or adhd, and I'm terrified to tell my parents, because they'll be "damned if one of their kids is mentally ill or worse, gay" when I'm both 😂 in my country, you can only make your own health choices at 21, while I'm 19 and a broke college student, and I'd need their permission for both testing and medication. I've already told them half of my diagnosis, which is anxiety, and that i should be medicated... Abby for sure is lucky to be all grown up with a loving husband, she had such a emotionally taxing experience that it must've been so hard even years later. I'm goad she had the catarsis she needed

[@brigidtheirish]

The start of the first story reminded me of something my dad told me. Someone had asked him if he was gay. Which he wasn't. *WAY* too interested in girls from the second puberty hit for that to be an option. He quite politely responded in the negative and was believed, unlike OP, but *was* somewhat annoyed because the *reason* the person asked reinforced an impression that had been building Dad's whole life. That in order to be properly 'male,' you had to be slavishly devoted to sports, have the intellectual interest of a *rock,* and consider *anything* even *remotely* artistic with the sort of disdain usually reserved for vomit stains. Dad has *zero* interest in sports (partially due to being physically incapable of participating), *lives and breathes* academics, *and* has in-depth discussions about fashion with his wife and daughters. His natural mode of speaking and acting is also close to the stereotypical interior decorator. However, he is very *profoundly* straight. He has had to *deliberately* adjust his natural affect to come across as more standard issue male just to avoid more cases of mistaken sexuality, help by him having a wide vocal range and being a natural baritone. As for "never interested in girls" ... I was never interested in *boys* until I was eighteen. Some people are just late bloomers. And then it was several more years before I realized that I was interested in fully clothed hugging with boys but was still completely grossed out at the idea of actual *sex.* Took a while after that to find out about asexuality. There can be several reasons for someone to not show interest in the opposite sex. The getting flustered around hot guys thing is *way* more telling.

[@beccaf262]

Story one makes me sad cause I bet all those people that bullied him will now think it’s justified just because op has realised his sexuality might be different from what he thought. They’ll all pull the “see I told you he was gay” card and act like they weren’t awful to op for years.

[@arianebolt1575]

I'm painfully socially awkward, and a similarly Aspie friend of mine was shocked when I mentioned I had a boyfriend. Not because I have the social skills of a stuffed animal, but because she had me pegged as a lesbian. Nope. Just a geek.

[@luna-p]

That's hilarious, my awkward ass is gonna use that

[@squirrel670]

Made me laugh

[@rollothecat2010]

I still have the social skills of a stuffed animal. God help me!

[@brigidtheirish]

Fellow Aspie! Honestly, it's funny how people assume that if you don't show overt interest in the opposite sex that you *must* be interested in the same sex. It's like they don't consider the possibility that you're just really focused on something *other than sex.*

[@luna-p]

@@brigidtheirish Yup

[@CandaceDreamer]

Story 2: when op just went off as soon as her daughter said her friend was lame, I was like “you’ve never done that?” Like that’s some thing I would say as a joke about my friends too. I be like “so and so can’t come because their losers.” But wouldn’t be serious and would be saying it to my other friends who’d probably have done similar jokes and know by my tone that I was joking. Op needs to chill. Edit: op’s mom needs to chill. That was a twist I didn’t expect.

[@cedricandries5312]

the story 1 reminds me from 2 guys at work who thinks that i'm a virgin simple because i didn't talk about my ex girlfriends. i stood there, and even now, like wtf? and said dude i'm not a virgin, you just could ask if i had any gfs in the past then to think well he didn't talk about it therefor he must be a virgin. i could say the same about them actually since they didn't talked about it too. same logic

[@jobisn]

Daily listener, definitely the earliest I've gotten to a video. Great stories, and I love your narration!!

[@Markee]

I appreciate that a lot Jove. Glad you enjoy the videos! :)

[@dokikicingene1517]

Right it’s a good treat for the afternoon shift

[@raeishimura]

Story one, good on you for figuring yourself out at least a bit more. Give it some time and introspection to figure yourself out more. It took me until I was in the last years of college to finally figure out I was bi. I'd always only looked at girls, assuming I was just introverted when talking to guys and internally getting flustered. My boyfriend laughs because I still do get a little flustered sometimes talking to the goofball. It's always good to hear people being true to themselves

[@fanendey]

One of my closest friends was also assumed to be gay by classmates and even their parents. The thing is, they're the only straight person in our friend group! They never really took it to heart, just laughed it off

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

Yeah, the fact that he got so sensitive about it made me think OP was maybe in denial. That and his admission that he specifically got a gf just so people wouldn't think he was gay

[@fanendey]

@@andrewi.crocker8675 yeah, getting a partner just to make people think you're straight is called comphet (compulsory heterosexuality) It happens mostly to lesbians but can also happen to gay men, it's just less likely

[@wordforger]

@@andrewi.crocker8675 Yep. Classic signs of being not straight in a heteronormative society. Gay accusations THAT pervasive where even your parents are in on it don't sprout from nowhere.

[@reginarainer9740]

I’m ace/aro and was in absolute denial about my sexuality. Because not being attracted to anybody was completely impossible. When i finally learned about the asexual spectrum and thought it through I finally allowed myself stop trying.

[@cindykq8086]

Seems like there would be even worse pressure on an asexual person than a gay one. Platonic hugs to ya!

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Alright I'm gonna tell a mini story here, so grab some snacks, I'll keep it as short as possible I promise. I'm afab, right? (I'm genderfluid, saying afab just gives a picture to help) and people just. Always assumed I was bi or a lesbian. Some of my friends that I met when I was 13 made a bet that I'd come out as bi the same year we met. A month after I moved away and went to a new school when I was 16 a guy who I barely knew went "Well she's _clearly_ a lesbian" and I just didn't even bat an eye and went "damn, not again" and moved on. My _grandma_ once asked if a friend's party I was going to was a boyfriend or girlfriend. Basically everyone just assumed I was gay or bi (I am but that's not the point lmfao) I'm not even mad about it I just think it's funny. Anyway the reason I'm saying this is because speaking from experience, I'm so _tired_ of the borderline toxic positivity that comes with it sometimes. Like, this poor Op can't even talk to his own parents because they're so focused on the "We love and support you!" aspect that they aren't even noticing/caring that their son is going through absolute _hell._ It's hell when people are so focused on coming off as supportive that they're not actually doing any supporting, it just feels more like they're patting themselves on the back for being allies and that's it. You want your son to know you love and support him no matter what? Give him a space where he knows he can be open without being bombarded with "I knew it"s and shit like that, actually _show_ him support don't just _say_ you do. Your son is being bullied relentlessly, _do something about it._

[@yas-per]

13:05 autism can’t be medicated, it’s something you have to live with. What’s best is to help the child learn boundaries and social skills without making them feel isolated or as if they have to hide their true selves. Edit: ok I forgot adhd can be treated, but autism cant

[@hippiharlow4458]

Oh ffs, of course both autism and adhd can be treated!! They can't be CURED...but they can, and very much ARE treated. smh

[@toff1568]

I mean there is medication for adhd that helps a lot of people. Obviously that isn't the route everyone wants to take tho. Therapy to learn how to funktion in a world that is different from yourself is also very helpful.

[@hippiharlow4458]

@@toff1568 Of course, therapy is a form of treatment, medication isn't the only form of treatment. However, there are medications for both adhd and autism as well. It's not helpful to say that autism and adhd can't be treated, and it's a lie. That is what I took issue with.

[@EgirlKnievel]

*stares at my ADHD medication label that says "for treatment of ADHD"* Um

[@helentee9863]

@@hippiharlow4458 l've never heard of medication for Autism, and my great nephew, now nearly 10,was diagnosed with it some 4 years ago Yes,there is medication for ADHD, and for some of the (minor) emotional problems that Autism can cause people, whilst living in a world that doesn't generally understand the condition, such as social stress,but that's not treatment FOR Autism. What Autistics really require is acceptance plus autism focused education and counselling/lessons in understanding how to accept themselves and manage their emotions

[@D-me-dream-smp]

I really felt for the poor OP in the first story- he was really brave to finally face and navigate his uncomfortable feelings and totally understandable why he had such issues accepting it. That said I also feel people can get way too caught up in labels and labeling people (it was extremely fortunate that his friend behaved perfectly by listening but not making it a huge issue but simply just accepting him for however he felt he was). I have a teenage son who is very reserved and gentle and one day my daughter asked me if he was gay so I explained to her it is a personal private matter that is up to the person to choose if they wish to disclose. I try to not make assumptions and aim to use “open” language ie anyone you’re interested in? Since we have a few gay friends it is viewed as just a normal part of society in our family. As we come to understand how individual and complex humans are and how each person’s experience and perceptions (including self) are different I feel it better if we aimed to just accept people for who they are and how they wish to define themselves (or not). Instead is this a good person, are they kind, are they fun, are they interesting is all you need to know.

[@Mcyxof]

I'm British and I often joke that if I'm not insulting you, it means I either am ambivalent to you or downright don't like you. Icy politeness is the way for me to go with people I don't like, and general politeness for people I don't know well. If my best friend took all of the insults I use at face value, we would be worst enemies xD I do turn it around and use genuine compliments a lot, too, though, especially when people are at a low point. It's all good fun. Though I often think about how people would call the RSPCA if they heard how I talk to my pets. I call them my emergency rations, tell them they'd look amazing as hats, tell them that the carpet they scratting up is worth more than they are (hey, I got them for free, the carpet cost me! XD ). But it's just because of overwhelming feelings for them, for my friends, for my family. It's either constant gushing or light hearted insults :)

[@Akalilly]

I was 100% certain I was straight. And then my friend, same gender as me, asked me out, and I thought about kissing them. Realized in that moment that I'm pansexual...

[@Takisan111]

Thought I was straight most of my life. Reason it took me so long to realize I was bi was mostly because I was sexually a late bloomer. I found people pretty, but I'd never gotten aroused. Wouldn't know anything about that until I started college. In hindsight, there was a lot of evidence that I liked people with a feminine aesthetic. The fact that I actually told someone in complete seriousness once that "women are just inherently more attractive" and still thought I was completely straight is kind of embarrassing.

[@edo0girl2.03]

It breaks my heart that he thought that there was nothing that could be done about the bullying. There's always something that can be done. It's tricky because people respond differently to punishment and a lot of the time schools get lazy but a parent's job is to advocate for their children. They could've talked with his teachers or with the bully's parents directly or if nothing else works they could've transferred him to a new school. They could've given him tips on how to confront the bullies of enrolled him in self defense courses to boost his confidence. There are plenty of things his parents could have done for him.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1 resonate a lot with the bullying. Was also called slurs during my teens and refused to acknowledge it myself. Eventually I did come out as gay, though some years later the egg broke and I realized I was transgender (and therefore a straight trans woman).

[@___LC___]

When I was engaged to a man, my parents kept asking me if I could marry a man and surrender the gay side of myself…as I am more attracted to women. It turns out I would rather be single, as too many people have taken advantage of my kindness and depth of my love. So, f them both.

[@elizabethgeorge7671]

Wish I could’ve talked to OP. For ten years everyone knew I was bi except for me. Shit was rough. Every time I had a friend that was a girl over my dad always would ask if she was my gf. They never gave me the time to process the way I wanted to.

[@Kimbolie12]

My sister and I are good friends and say goodbye by saying stuff like "see ya bitch" and then flipping eachother off. It's normal for friends to make jokes like that, as long as you're both cool with it.

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Sounds like "Abby" has ~1.6 million "mothers" who love and understand her. That's some kind of therapy right there.

[@christywhiteman4249]

The fact it was Abby not Abby's mother just and 10 years after the fact made me weep.

[@babygirl_lunaa9096]

I'm autistic. If this happened to me as a kid I would probably have shut myself out of that friendship out of guilt. It's not something we know we're doing, we don't have much control over it, and the only thing that well and truly helps is a gentle reminder that it's not okay to say that. Those gentle reminders have gotten me a lot further socially than severe punishments would have. Plus "lame" is something that most people would jokingly call their friends for some minor inconvenience in good fun

[@avalasialove]

Story #1 proves just how little people know about asexuality and aromanticism. In this case it turns out OP really was in to guys. But it’s really annoying how much pressure people put on others to settle down and find a romantic partner. Y’know, some people are perfectly happy not dating.

[@squirrel670]

I dont think so because people picked up that he was romantically or sexually attracted to guys compared to women. Not that he had no interest in anyone so they assumed he was gay. His friends and family knew him well but his family didn't know how to support him properly

[@Anna-B]

And you could just not like anyone at school, or not know how to talk to people you could be into. I’m a freshman in college and I’ve never been kissed. And not because I don’t want a relationship, it’s cause I’ve never liked a guy that I know how to talk to. Always a guy I see in class, but don’t have any common interests with. For now, I’ll be content mounding tv characters into my perfect boy. There’s plenty of time

[@avalasialove]

@@squirrel670 Well, in this case Reddit turned out to be correct. I’m just saying it’s kind of a common pattern for people to assume you’re gay if you aren’t dating anyone of the opposite sex. It can make asexual and aromantic people feel broken or weird.

[@squirrel670]

@@avalasialove I agree with the that, but im saying it's not a toss up in this case and this story didn't prove it properly because they were gay and people guessed because they had signs of being sexually or romantically attracted to men. There was no reason for them to think he was asexual or aromatic when he was clearly into men. I know what you're saying and I understand completely. I was talking to someone the other day and when I brought up asexual people, they told me to be asexual is to deny human nature. I've had to explain many times. And it's true that just because you aren't into one sex doesn't auto filter you into being interested in the other. Both can be right, ace people have it hard, and the story was a bad example because it makes them seem right if the assumption was just based on him not being into women.

[@jfcfanfic]

I don't know... there's always a possibility that he's not gay, all sorts of dudes in the world, but dating a girl just to shut people up is beyond a terrible idea... and something that a guy in denial or in the closet unfortunately tend to do some times. Gay dude myself. Either way, those parents are definitely in the wrong...but he's also in the wrong for just dating a girl to shut people up.

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

Completely agree. I facepalmed so hard when I heard the line "So I went out and got a girlfriend".

[@jfcfanfic]

@@SiFireHasSpeed I know...I was following along but that immediately raised my eyebrows.

[@avalasialove]

It seems like a lot of people still don’t know about asexuality and aromanticism. It seems like people are quick to assume you’re gay or lesbian if you don’t have a romantic partner of the opposite sex.

[@ivy456]

I am similar to OP and I'm not gay. I just never was interested in relationships like everyone else seems to. I also checked out other girls but not because I feel a sexual attraction or want a relationship with them. It's more of an insecurity thing for me. I hope for OP he's gay and not just aromantic or something. Because that would be just sad to find out he would be pushed to believe something by his bullies and parents.

[@jfcfanfic]

@@avalasialove That's definitely true for my era in the 90's... but I think you need to update that list. Thinking that they might also be trans is slowly becoming more common since four or five years ago as well.

[@thedevilsworkshop7720]

Yeah if you don't bring girls or boys home as a kid parents will assume your gay . I was dating this girl who told me a story about how her parents thought she was a lesbian because she didn't bring boys home . She was still sleeping in her princess bed at home when she was 19yo when I started dating her . No wonder she didn't bring boys home . I was 32 at the time and I'm pretty sure she brought me home to meet her parents just to stick it to them . I have my own place so she would spend 4 days a week at my place . Her folks hated me at first sight . Probably because I shut down all their little mind games by you know . Being an adult . Yeah both kid's moved out of home as soon as possible in that family . The parents and family were just kinda childish . Her best friend actually was a lesbian and her folks gave her a hard time about coming out and when she's going to marry her bestie . It was just so cringey to see . It also made it awkward in their friendship . Parents stay out of your children's romantic entanglements unless you are asked for help. It doesn't do the kids any good . It just gives them a complex over it . Why can't they get a gf or bf ? Self esteem issues . Then they are going to hide whatever it is that they are doing or not doing from you .

[@brandygiovinazzi3460]

WOW! 2 rough stories in a row. Story #1: I'm sad and angry on the OP's behalf for the bullying from his peers and OP's parents not taking the time to find out that the best way to support their child is to., (1) give them the tools to figure things out on their time frame. (2) let them have the space they need to find themselves, (3) wait for them to be comfortable enough to tell you and last but not least, (4) yes let them know you are there for them always and love them unconditionally but you have to wait patiently. Then prove you meant every word by standing proudly at their side. This method has worked perfectly with my children. My last is coming up on 13 and is becoming sure of who they are and what gender(s) they're attracted to that they're slowly opening up about this to family. My children each did this. They gave very discreet and easily missed bits of info to see what reaction they receive from the people who catch what they said and slowly work up to flat out stating what gender(s) they prefer. I leave it up to them who is allowed to know and we do not discuss it with anyone whom has not been included by each individual child. They know that when they go public about preferences that they will already have the most important people to them on their side as their support system against all negative input that will come their way. frequently asked questions and how I answer: Q)Do I know my children's sexuality? A) Yes. Will I expose that about them? No. That's for them to tell when they're ready. Q) Are they all the same sexuality? A) What do you mean? Q) Are they all straight, gay/lesbian, bi, asexual, demi, etc? Yes they are definitely somewhere on that list. However it's not my place to say where on that list they are. Q) What would you do if one of your son's turned out to be gay? (This one confused me for a minute. So I literally just stared at them questioningly till I decided to give the only answer that came to mind aside from, What?,. A) I'll love them. They're my children and nothing will ever change that. As long as they get with someone who makes them happy, treats them well and loves them and my child does and feels the same for their partner than I'll be happy to accept the person they choose with open arms and heart into our family. ( This person told me later that they were worried that 1 of their sons might be gay and they were trying to get my input on how to handle it without asking straight out cause they were having trouble even accepting the possibility of having a gay son. She admitted to being bi herself and not having an issue with gay men in general but was having difficulty with the possibility of HER son being gay. I'm glad she came to me for that issue. She thanked me for giving her the answer I did because her outlook came into a clearer view and she no longer cared if her son did end up gay cause he's her son and she loves him and sexuality has nothing to do with a mother's love so his wouldn't ever change that no matter who he ends up loving as a partner in the future. I hope that by writing my comment...if anyone is asking themselves a question that is covered by these small events in my life that they will walk away from this response to your post with an understanding of how to properly handle situations like this and maybe even a bit more compassion and acceptance of people who might be different than themselves. Please try to have a great day everyone!

[@amyconway1631]

Story 1: dude needs to make sure that he truly is what he thinks he is, and not just bc of societal pressure Edit: I feel the need to mention that as an Asexual, his pattern of attraction is VERY similar to mine- so that could be on the table

[@christineharris2302]

As far as Abby insulting her friend, my husband and I have been described as playing with each other like tiger cubs, the way we sometimes bat each other about verbally. We love each other and this is not an indication of hate or an unhealthy relationship. We've been together decades and have pretty much always been there for each other through hard times. It's not the same as Abby's story but my point is don't judge so quickly that it's being nasty. If my husband and I were too nice to each other the other person would worry there was something really wrong.

[@chelbanna]

Story 1: I mean that stuff is hard to figure out. I didn't even realize I was bi until I was in college, and even then I kept on trying to ignore it and didn't come out until I was almost 25. Denial is powerful.

[@Tijggie82]

Oh no, story 2, so sad 😢. I'm glad she was able to use the post to process her feelings

[@Krimsorn]

I went through being bullied and accused of being gay in school, the bullying itself had me questioning myself, so I did the same thought experiments on what turns me on, but in my case, defenitely straight, looking at and thinking of males does nothing, do desires whatsoever, but looking at females definetely gives me that itch! This just goes to show that bullying can cause confusion, no matter what the outcome. Also in my case, the first time I kissed a girl, the bullying went from saying I'm gay to saying I'm bi, I was able to ignore them at that point. I just have femenine attributes and higher than usual empathy levels for a male, and that can confuse.

[@toxicdotaep2890]

I feel like roleplaying as your own mom in a reddit post as a sort of therapy is weird as hell but I'm glad it made OP feel better. I relate to having a mom who's weird as hell about jokes and friends and all that. shit sucks

[@MaddyFish]

Lol I had family (specifically a gay aunt) that always used to blurt out that she “knew” I was gay. Or she would give me things and then ask me if I liked them and then very loudly say “oh I’m glad you like it, I thought it was alittle too gay for me” now I’m not homophobic at all but like really? If I’m not gay I’m not gay lol there’s nothing wrong with that. Either way though, that never bothered me lol, she finally stopped after I got knocked up at 18 and then REALLY stopped when I got married to my now husband LOL. Again I am not homophobic one bit but when you tell a straight teenager they’re gay over and over it’s gonna cause them to run the opposite way and I think that’s exactly why I got pregnant at 18. I ran and ran farther and farther away and ended up putting myself in a horrible situation and then getting pregnant as a result of it lol no regrets though! I love my daughter and my husband loves her just as much if not more lol

[@AllistorMichelle]

story 1: you can do something. get the names first and last of all your bullies and go to the police station to write a harassment report. keep doing that until it stops them. it works. also you don't sound gay, you sound asexual and aromantic. yes you dated someone once but you weren't really interested. story 2: yta kids use much harsher words than lame when talking to their friends. that poor kid. traumatized by this. she'll never want another birthday. oh yeah ain't this the kid abby writing it cause she wished she had a good mom?

[@wordforger]

...First one, I would just ask: "Ok, you're not gay... but do you actually like girls? Do they make your heart (or other things) flutter to think about them? Do you want to kiss them, hold hands, date them when you meet them? Have you ever had a crush? Do you have a favorite female celebrity who makes you gaga to think about? What about girls do you like?" If he wasn't able to answer those things conclusively, then it's unlikely he's fully straight. Not assuming he's gay, just wondering if he might not be somewhere on the ace or aro spectrums, which can often be mistaken for gay. A lot of people assume that "lack of active interest in coupling with someone of the opposite gender"=gay, when he may also lack active interest in the same gender as well. And it can be a bit difficult to feign interest where there is none, which other people can pick up on. Also, sounds like he started dating a girl out of peer pressure, or because "that's what straight people do" not necessarily because he was interested in her, which... not exactly helping his case. I mean, you can still LIKE someone without being sexually/romantically attracted to them. It's just more a platonic thing than anything. But... Teens can definitely pick up pretty quickly on which of their peers isn't really into the opposite sex because so many conversations at that age revolve around it. Heh. And seeing friend's response, I may just have hit the nail on the head. ...Or not. Maybe he IS gay given the supposed staring/flustered reactions, but he hasn't noticed because of how much of the world pressures people to be straight even if they're not. I'm Aro-Ace and believed I was straight for a long time because I had no reason to believe otherwise and didn't realize being straight required ACTIVE interest in the opposite gender.

[@Mr.andMrs.Smith_0420]

First story- Gee, who saw that coming...🙄 Second story- WTF? I did NOT see that coming lol

[@VeggieMama722]

I like how he was 100% straight until enough people told him he's not.

[@wmdkitty]

You can't force someone to come out. Everyone has their own timeline, and pushing your kid to date, or come out, or whatever it is you think they "should be" doing is just going to cause a lot of resentment and pain. (Ask me how I know.)

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

Story2: I understand Abby's need for closure. My mother was the same. They think punishment some how teaches you correctly, without asking why or telling you what you need to do next time instead. I think my mother also enjoyed punishing me out of spite for my "misbehaviours" embarrassing her in front of well everyone too I guess.

[@HoodieHorizon]

holy plot twists batman that second story was a roller coaster

[@mrsunderstood8141]

OP in story 1 is super relatable. My different stages of denial were terribly loud and cringey when I look back on it. I had insisted that I just didn't want to date any of the guys at our school, then that I only was attracted to anime boys, then that I was asexual. It was only after an eye opening dream that I realized that I was gay. I had gay friends, gay family, I just didn't like the idea that I was. When I look back now, I realized that I've always liked women and that I may have had a few serious crushes as a kid that I didn't know how to handle. I avoided them like the plague but I definitely remember feeling warm and fuzzy about them.

[@placateddoll]

Story 1: Would be super awesome if OP posted an update post which is nothing but a link to himself singing the "Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy" song, "I'm Gay."

[@ondank]

Honestly, the mum in the 2nd story is SO oblivious. I am not very good at picking up on social queues but my FIRST thought on hearing that she called Taylor lame on the phone was that she was upset that the other girls were asking about her.

[@2Cambell]

2nd story- I am of a family with many many eccentric members. That's an old way that I grew up with of just describing people who don't fit the mold. Now, we recognize that they were most likely Aspi and we found out that my one of my great-uncles and a cousin was actually bipolar. This was before Special Education was first being put into play. The truly insane people went into institutions, or places like that. Then Special Education was available, but it was for limited ability students. My parents were not uncommon, except that they were exceptionally intelligent. My parents worked and didn't accept anything less than our best. My oldest brother is on the spectrum, but they didn't coddle or baby him. They couldn't, he was either considered retarded or difficult by the doctors and teachers. There were no resources at the time. There wasn't much usable research, ir anyone working at it to help. And for all practical purposes, my brother could still achieve. It was, "If you want to stay in the regular school, then you have to do what you have to, or go to school with the retarded children." Ugh! I still shudder at this, but it was the terminalogy at that time. My brother stayed the course and learned the hard way, or on his own. No excuses. People didn't make accommodations then. He fixes, sets up computers and systems now. He loves it.

[@cindykq8086]

To be fair, "retarded" wasn't a slur in the past. It literally means "slowed," as in slowed or arrested mental development. Be sure that today's politically correct term for that will be tomorrow's slur. And good for your brother! I'm an aspie so I understand his struggles better than I want to. He really does rock!

[@2Cambell]

@@cindykq8086 I know this logically, but it still hurt, even back then to hear those terms, especially when it comes to my brother. He's much older than me and he is very intelligent. As a little kid, I thought maybe they weren't smart enough to teach him and that they were the ones with the problem. I don't think my parents were wrong, considering the lack of options back then. It would have been horrible for him to be placed with children at a significantly lower learning pace. The world wasn't accommodating and he was going to have to find his way in it. Btw, I'm not the most politically correct person out there and I'm sure I'll embarrass the future generations of my husband's family. 😆

[@cindykq8086]

@@2Cambell Love your response, that they weren't smart enough to teach him. Literally true. ❤

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one: the girl was probably ok with limited time with OP because maybe she thought he was gay and was a cover story

[@leahdragon]

The first story makes me relate so much. I was bullied for being a 'lesbian' all throughout primary and highschool and was very in denial until I was 16 and realised I was very much into women and that there was nothing wrong with that. At 25 I'm fairly certain I'm bisexual, but still question if I'm a lesbian because my attraction to men is very very minimal. I hope OP figures it out and learns to embrace who he is 👏

[@mindingmybusiness3915]

I got called gay because I told a dude I wasn't interested in him.

[@RainbowDashShadesOfApproval]

This entire video is damn rollercoaster

[@EgirlKnievel]

Man, story 1 could so be my younger sibling, but they were lucky enough to grow up with a very openly bi sister (me) and a less open but still open in our sibling group chat bi oldest sibling. We poked "oh is that your new bf/gf?" fun when they said they liked a particular movie character without making it a gay/straight thing. I was discovering my bisexuality in high school and with a 10 year gap between me and them, I never wanted them to feel like they were weird. When they came out as having a longtime same-sex partner after highschool, I wasn't surprised, but happy for them. I never pried, never asked. They said they weren't trying to hide anything from me, it just never came up LOL. But I digress, this is why stuff like the "don't say gay" bill are so damaging. Teens should be encouraged to ask themselves these questions and have exploration be natural and SAFE.

[@kuno3336]

I, too, was thought to be gay, but I don't know how widespread that was. I just remember a girl reacting to me having a girlfriend with "Wait I thought you were gay!"

[@redconvoy]

The first one, the parents should have just shut their mouths and let OP figure out. I did that with my niece. I knew before she did. I said nothing and waited.

[@crystalmorgan8039]

I've heard plenty of stories about kids coming out as gay, but this is the first I've ever heard of a kid having to come out as straight. But I mean, a few years ago in the NCAA, a 16 seed took a 1 seed in the opening round of the tourney so I guess everything eventually happens

[@nonamesorry7135]

There's nothing that makes me more angry than people around me assuming things about me. I had a friend in highschool who would just announce to everyone "oh, he's gay", she even told her friend who had a crush on me that "he wouldn't be interested in you because he's gay". It turned out to be the truth (I was identifying as bisexual back then so it really was just a lucky guess), but it doesn't make it any less infuriating. People around me would assume so much bullshit about me that it really started worsening my mental illness, because I started doubting my own perception of reality. Also the second story... Jesus christ. I was an extremely oblivious kid. I made jokes people could consider to be cruel. But I was also extremely sensitive and needed kindness and support, but instead I was treated like this as well. This is literally how you give your child childhood trauma. What a gross story. I'm sorry for the person who wrote this.

[@kessiawright1710]

I know a guy who is kind of flamboyant and likes fashion. Many people think he is gay, but he has never been attracted to men. He married a woman he had been friends with for years qhen he was 27. I would not have pictured them together until I saw them together when they started dating. Then I saw that they were actually very compatible. It surprised me.

[@stampandscrap7494]

This happened to me, during secondary school ages 11 to 14. The whole school. I still don't know why, but the main instigator is in a same sex marriage

[@MizTameRumors]

Poor first OP, instead of just repeating ' we love you no matter what' maybe TALK to your child?! Christ.

[@susankaempfer8427]

17:53 Are we sure op’s daughter is actually autistic? I can’t help but wonder if she’s just damaged by her insane mother.

[@kegsyk8499]

Gay or straight, straight or gay its all okay. All these labels suck. You like who you like and thats all right.

[@nicknitro86]

You should probably not start a relationship as a crutch to get people off your back.

[@kateemma22]

I hope Reddit helped Abby with her healing. Be happy, Abby, we're all with you.

[@Bmomma-gs9gw]

It is totally ok to just like who u like.... Sexuality is a very broad thing!!! As long as ur safe, happy and healthy its all good!!!

[@LadyNikitaShark]

That comment in the first story is spot on.

[@garthrogers2269]

2nd story. So OP punishes her daughter by making sure Taylor heard about a possible insult. And yes, OP, everyone else is better at parenting in this case because everyone, including Taylor, has absolutely no problem with Abby but major problems with OP.

[@vanessasorth4449]

Many years ago calling someone lame was bad. So maybe that's what happened here.

[@pambarab5506]

OP "There's nothing wrong with being gay, but I'm not gay" x10. Repeat. Repeat again... It was said too many times, so part of the statement was false, but which part? Ahhh, ok. Not homophobic after all. OP has a really good friend, some supportive but bumbling parents, and a really good commenter who made him THINK about things.

[@fnjesusfreak]

It is not uncommon to react like the first OP did. I was often mistaken for being gay growing up - turned out that while I wasn't same-sex attracted, I am queer (though I can and do hide it since there are a lot of people in my orbit who don't accept it). I was identified back in the mid-1990s and came out in 2003.

[@joosh6876]

Hi, love the vids keep it up

[@damien678]

Ok it feels weird, but I was never the type that consciously knew I wasn't straight or cis, but I also wasn't the type that was in complete denial. It's like, I kinda knew, I just never really liked to think too hard about it. Like I'd just instantly ignore it. And then as a teen I looked more into it but just didn't tell anyone, which was still kinda ignoring it in another way... until it all just blew up in my face bc teens are messy and dramatic 😭

[@carolsimpson4422]

I'm curious what ops parents marriage is like. Perhaps they never do pda, and modeled that as how to treat a romantic partner? Or maybe there is religious programming to avoid temptation by not looking at girls?

[@Tsunami5062]

I'm actually pretty early for once thx for making it easy for me to sleep

[@michelledalenaa]

Everyone who ever came out to me- it was never a surprise. I already pretty much knew they were gay. However- it takes some people waaay longer to come to terms with their sexuality (in one case in his late forties longer). One guy I know- his parents tried to stage an intervention when he got married to a woman. The poor dude insisted he was straight. He eventually left his wife for another man.

[@cheriremily9360]

He could be an ACE.

[@JasperCatProductions]

First story is so sad, you are not ok anywhere. Being a parent is hard, you gotta support but not go all pushy and weird.

[@robinwhite4148]

my mom too. I am 51 and still hurt

[@Argonisgema]

I found it funny how everyone else was right about OPs sexuality except OP himself.

[@kathleenburns7065]

Story two sounds the OP “Abby” might be a 90’s kid like myself, we said that our friends were Lame all the time when they couldn’t come over or something. We also called each other r3t@rds and gay when someone was being stupid and acting foolish or crazy. Yeah they were insults and slurs but we meant them affectionately if that makes sense because it wasn’t Cool TM to admit you had mushy feelings for your friends as kids. We all knew by the tone of voice that they weren’t meant to hurt we went to things like fagg*t, douche or buttmuncher if you were going to insult and hurt someone. My heart breaks for Abby, I wish her all the love and support she needs and hope she has found the family of the heart that gives her real love and affection.

[@samanthanickson6478]

i don’t understand why ANY parent would say that to their child. it’s like asking an overweight woman how far along is she, and she tells your dumbass that she’s isn’t pregnant and to get away from her, freak! people should stop being presumptuous and let life happen. this guys case isn’t one he should be saved from. he just needs to be left alone.

[@Nerdbookworm]

Ah yes, the classic denial. I remember being super jealous of men for being able to date my hot friends. But nope I was soooooooo straight. Until I got kissed by a girl friend on my cheek and bam I realized no I am definitely not

[@VladeMalfet]

Not sure if it's the same story but I think later on a by said she no longer speaks to her mom?