CANCELLED MY TOP SURGERY?!

[@Kovukingsrod]

Thank you so much for making this video. It’s actually extremely empowering.

[@lauraelise434]

KOVU! omg I'm sorry 😂 I just love you guys and I really think you should collab

[@koutashinji]

An empowered Kovu? The world may not be ready! 😂

[@etiennetavares8949]

YEESSSS so much :)

[@defygravityXD]

What you said about not allowing your transition to control your life really spoke to me. Way to be strong

[@Luis-gb3ru]

Dude you don‘t know how much I need this rn. I‘m supposed to have my top surgery in 2 weeks but my insurance coverage is still unsure because people in important positions have been and currently are acting like absolute idiots and it is messing up my day to day life so badly and I have stopped doing things because of that but you made me realize that I can‘t let that ruin my day and that I need go keep going and somehow make the best of it. so thank you

[@RyanCassata]

This is a really important video Jake. Great job. I have to cancel my original date as well and while it was devastating it was the right thing to do. It will happen at the right time!! Best wishes! :)

[@JakeFTMagic]

Ryan Cassata awh thanks bud! Definitely happy with the decision I’ve made. Hopefully we can end the stigma around needing medical transition the second it becomes available to us.

[@Lavender_Louis]

If you feel comfortable with it, could you please do a video about that experience? I cancelled(/offset to an unknown date in the future) my top surgery 1,5h before I was supposed to go under and there are really not a lot of people sharing their experiences about canceling or offsetting their surgeries.

[@owenpridgen4406]

Jake Edwards chase Ross canceled his surgery and waited a year because he knew it was the best thing for him .

[@LaurenMaherquote]

The sensationalism narrative of top surgery and medical transition in general in the trans community can cause a lot of guilt if you choose to cancel a surgery or hold off on transition. I think the idea that your transition has to be above all other goals and strives for happiness in life can be incredibly obsessive and toxic. I’m desperate to start hormones, but I try to make a mental effort to view it as equal to my other life goals, so as not to give my dysphoria such power to dictate what is supposed to make me happiest. It’s a difficult journey of introspection, but it feels like you’re finally getting the autonomy over yourself and your own mind, and taking it away from being trans which is cool

[@mrgreenleafx]

Theo M I completely agree with you!

[@JakeFTMagic]

Theo M such a good point! I think this is the crux of what I’m feeling. My decision isn’t reflective of how dysphoric I’m feeling, but rather how much power I have over that dysphoria. You can be in the throes of depression but still laugh and have a good day. The bad feelings aren’t gone, but you’re a step closer to conquering them.

[@jreggy9505]

You have just shown how important friends are in our lives, and how important it is to show people you can be who you are and be proud of it. It certainly would not have been an easy decision, but look at it this way, you will still get your chance at top surgery and in the mean time you have been able to help someone else, who without the surgery may have pushed them just too far. You could have just possible saved a life. You obviously are a very strong and thoughtful person.

[@nriocbhionls]

Super proud of you! Welcome to the world as we know it. Your courageous, smart, and you know what’s in your best interest. Wishing you were hugging us in New York on June 24th.

[@lilyella5833]

this was a very difficult, but ultimately very good decision. it's like the "turn left" discussion we had - u make decisions everyday which will lead u to different points in ur life! the universe works in strange ways - i think you'll experience lots of amazing things over the next couple months and you won't regret this. i'm so v proud of u and i love u x

[@JakeFTMagic]

i am luv you

[@thomas-jay5790]

Wow I don't think I could of cancelled my top surgery for anything. You are so brave and strong! I'm glad you've looked at the good side of it that you've just changed someone life by giving them your date. You should be so proud of yourself! You march with all the trans guys and girls and you let them know they are not alone and they are brave! I hope you get your top surgery soon you definitely deserve it for what you have done :)

[@jesse-rose]

Not letting your transness/transition define you or run your life is such a VERY VERY IMPORTANT THING so thank you for sharing and reinforcing that idea

[@jenniferluttig3805]

Glad you made whatever decision felt right for you, I can just imagine how hard it must have been. Hope you have an amazing time at Pride! So proud of you, all the best!!!

[@owenpridgen4406]

You don’t have explain your reasons , people all the time do this doesn’t mean they don’t want it or need it . My top surgery is July 12 I am happy but I am thinking I won’t be able to enjoy the beach with my kids , but if I didn’t take this date it wouldn’t happen till oct .

[@jaytb]

Dude, my top surgery is also July 12. Strange coincidence. I'm also a bit bummed about being a little under the weather for summer since I'll be recovering, but it's my only time off really before starting college.

[@owenpridgen4406]

jay congrats on collage and the surgery !

[@JamieFaulkner7170]

This is such an important, empowering video Jake. Thank you so much, I'm proud of you, and lots of love to you.

[@kendallwhite4492]

Thank you so much for being so honest and open about this. Often times people give me stuff about not causing family issues and moving out without being financially ready to transition (though I do want to). So I really relate to your philosophy of not letting transitioning run your life and sometimes you have to make hard decisions. Thank you for that!

[@Therainbowpeacock]

so incredibly proud of you for making that decision. you are a massive inspiration and you have no idea how much this video actually helps me. thank you for sharing this.

[@cloudmouton3894]

Man that last part spoke to me I needed to hear that, good for you for doing what you feel is right!!

[@kuurak5733]

You are strong, brave and wise human being for doing that kind of decision and you should be proud, not ashamed. You did what is best for your own mind, your own life and your happiness and that shit is really fucking hard. I hope you have fun at sitc and pride and you get your top surgery date soon! Have a great day/week/month/year/life u deserve it!! 💗

[@hollycatherwood5375]

So proud of you Jake, for being able to think about this in such a positive way, and for keeping your head up and solidering on ❤️

[@princelystorm]

Man, I can empathize with that hardcore. I had top surgery just yesterday, knowing that my local Pride would be just 5 days after surgery. I’m happy with my decision to go ahead with it, because I know I’d just be miserable in a binder in southern US heat at Pride. But fucking kudos to you, man. YOU are in charge of YOUR life. 💙💙💙

[@darklivingroom]

I’m in the same position you are in, i could have surgery this summer, but i have decided to wait, because of work and other commitments. You are right, i am not my transition!

[@tjpaul7266]

I'm so proud of you for making these big decisions. We love and support you no matter what.

[@katrusso]

Aww sweetie! It’s okay! You made the decision that you thought was right! And as long as you decided on what you think is right then it’s going to be okay!! Your fans, family, and friends will support and love you no matter what!

[@CelesteM]

I'm continually impressed and inspired by how thoughtful and self-aware you are about so many things in your life and your ability to articulate them. Thank you 💗

[@unstablestar675]

I am really proud of you because this isn't an easy thing to do! I am happy that you toke into account the things that were happening around that time.Its better to wait for the perfect time then to rush into anything and spoil it.

[@softiejace]

that was such a bold decision to make. thank ur for sharing ur thought process and being so open about ur feelings about transitioning. it's rly rly important to see that ppl have different journeys and it doesn't invalidate anyone's transness if they don't let this one thing define them. i love u and i hope u get scheduled at a better time soon ❤

[@noahlinkrans]

I cancelled my top surgery five times, under a two years time. Sometimes you’re just not ready and there’s nothing to feel shame about at all. When I was finally ready, and met my surgeon he said that I wouldn’t get the results that I wanted with the surgery because I had too much breast fat, I recently then had been taking out my eggs (to maybe in the future be a dad and carry my kid, or donate my eggs to my female partner so she could carry our kids) and so I needed to take lots of estrogen to be able to get as many eggs as possible and get my period back. So i gained all my breast fat again, and I needed to cancell my top surgery again. To start testosterone again and loose some fat and do chest workouts to get rid of that fat again. So i’ve been cancelling it for three years soon. Finally gonna sign up to do it this autumn and I finally feel ready. My point is: take it slow, and don’t do ANYTHING before you really feel ready. It’s okay to take it slow? It’s big decisions.

[@indigowashington6044]

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I'M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR STICKING WITH WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOURSELF AND I HOPE PRIDE AND SITC ARE THE MOST FUN THIS YEAR THAN EVER.

[@jessiemalcolm-stone2524]

This is the most freaking powerful video, I think I have ever watched. I’m not sure how or why it’s just something, But I’m so glad I watched it. Thank you. So much

[@alixhumbles3626]

I don't think anyone has ever described my feelings towards pride and June in general this accurately before and it's made me so so happy, thank you

[@samivayajd]

We all make our own choices. You chose what was more important to you, you chose what to sacrifice. You sir, have shown how unselfish you are. Much love Jake!

[@dead2theworld869]

this is so moving. i’m so proud of you. thank you so much for this video

[@jackalopecore]

you're honestly so strong for being able to make this decision AND talk about it publicly especially while it's still fresh and painful, i hope you have lots of fun this summer and that you get the opportunity sooner rather than later to reschedule your surgery

[@reapnotsow]

since watching your video about your top surgery (so incredibly proud and happy for you!) i returned to this video because i'm in a very similar spot. as someone who's still in college and goes to school far away from my hometown, scheduling is a fucking nightmare. next week i'm actually flying back home for total less than a day to have my consultation and then flying back to school. they say it's at least 2 months after a consultation that surgery actually happens, so my plans of getting it done over winter break with enough time to heal before going on vacation and then going back to school are probably going to be shot. i can probably estimate that i'll have to wait at least until the next summer, which absolutely breaks my heart. i also have to make a lot of hard decisions about whether or not i want to let my transition dictate parts of my life, and it's incredibly difficult to me, but looking back on this video gives me a lot of hope that things will work out. sometimes life unfolds in ways that aren't exactly ideal for us, but it's how we deal with them and overcome them that matter, and you doing what best for you and what you believe in is really inspiring. once again i'm so happy for you about your surgery and i'll try my best to make decisions that i know you'd be proud of.

[@rosefox4245]

I'm in a similar situation rn, having an absolute crisis about it. I haven't yet made a decision but it's so so reassuring to know I'm not alone with these feelings and thoughts ❤

[@httfranta]

you’re so brave, jake. i have so much respect for you. love you lots, keep being u.

[@learose4739]

I am so proud of you for making such a hard decision. Your happiness is and should be what comes first.

[@wesley6594]

Ah, I felt so horrible today and this video actually helped me feel in control of my emotions. Thank you.

[@Lavender_Louis]

Thank you for making this video and talking so openly about this I feel like quite controversial topic! It's not talked about a lot but I think there are a lot more people who cancelled their dates for multiple reasons. I cancelled my surgery 1,5h before after having already spent a night at the hospital. I did it for multiple reasons but mainly because I wasn't in the mental state of going through something like this no matter how much I wanted it. As much as I struggle(d) with my decision afterwards it was the right one. We should all take the we need without feeling pressured.

[@jasper6164]

Hi Jake, I relate to everything you're saying! I also cancelled my top surgery. As my first surgery date neared I got extremely anxious about it because I felt like it was going to get in the way of school and all the things I love doing, and I just felt I wasn't ready - even though I also felt so desperate to get it done. I rescheduled it for 7 months out - for right after the summer trip I wanted to do. I focused on mentally preparing for surgery, and also on learning to live my life fully even with my chest, because then I knew that after surgery I wouldn't have a "So what now?" moment. After 7 months (I got it last week!), I felt super ready for it and wasn't anxious at all - just excited. I am so so happy I waited. I made a video called "waiting to get top surgery/ coping with dysphoria" if you want to hear my thoughts on waiting :).

[@sparkytalks8805]

I was thinking something really bad happened at first but I'm so glad that I was mistaken. Posting this is really awesome, Jake. You have come so far and I really appreciate your videos so thank you for being so open.

[@pawzplanet]

You are so strong! Keep on going! ❤ I believe in you!

[@thekingarthur89]

Incredible video. Thank you for this Jake! This is so important.

[@muskaanrajpal3203]

I am at a loss of words for how proud i feel for you, Jake. I can't even begin to list the number of things you have taught me. We love you, Jake, and we are here with you and for you. ❤ Take care, Love❤

[@trashrat3324]

This was such a big and difficult decision and im proud of you for making it in order to fulfill what You find Most Important. Ily dude and good luck with the wait, it will not take as long as it seems !

[@jaceavery6338]

It sucks that everything was scheduled so close together like that, but good for you that you dealt with it. This video was really good to see because it's a reminder that I need to try a little harder to not let dysphoria and transition run my life sometimes (I usually don't let it affect what I do, but there's been a few things in the past year or so where I missed out on opportunities because I was too busy feeling uncomfortable). I hope you get another top surgery date that means you don't have to wait too much longer.

[@elliot7731]

You didn't even have to post about this but you did. Thank you for sharing this 🙌🏻

[@koutashinji]

I support your decision 100%. I hope you get a new date soon! And that you have loads of fun with your friends!

[@eilidhjohnson5694]

I cant imagine how huge this decision was for you to make. I admire how you've spun this into an incredibly positive situation and your resilience and bravery is down right inspiring. Have fun at sitc and pride man 💙

[@emilycarey6084]

That is a really tough decision to make. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's empowering to see someone prioritize their happiness.

[@isa0ber]

i won't be able to get my top surgery as soon as i expected for health reasons and this video is very comforting. thank you.

[@macarenasoledadbohl7339]

I would really like to be able to hug you right now. Don't let your transition define you, that phase touched my heart. You are a strong human, Jake. Don't regret your desition, as you said, someone else now has the chance to get their surgery sooner. And you've got the posibility to do all the things you want to do during pride! You are trully inspirational. ♥ (Sorry for the bad english)

[@Embly99]

lots of love to you my dear x

[@mousercat]

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. You chose to film, to edit and to share this. It can be really hard to post so many personal things but damn it is important. #RepresentationMatters

[@mrlynx68]

You did the right thing, just imagine a trans guy who got your date instead. Maybe he was about to end it all and you saved him. You did a good thing

[@chi-chi1237]

proud of you man, you got this :)

[@fiona2339]

You deserve all the love in the world. Honestly.

[@eviesharp17]

lots of love to you, everything happens for a reason and it’ll turn out okay 💛💛

[@kingofpopmichaeljman]

As I watch this video I’m lying in bed a week post op. My mobility is seriously impacted (I’ve only left my flat since surgery to get pain meds and see doctors). I can’t imagine having to go out in public and see people any time in the near future. Though it probably seems like yhis decision sucks, you’ve probably made the right choice. Hope you get your date soon! Good luck!

[@Thecrazyfangirl99]

Be strong Jake ❤ Do what's best for you x

[@bryntendo]

When I went in for my top surgery consult I was asked if I wanted to book a date right then, for within 2 months... But I put it off my op date for another 4 and a bit months because I knew that I had to organize more things mentally, physically, and psychologically than I could've managed in a 6-8 week period. I got top surgery when I was ready and it was the perfect time for me to do so. Will you regret it? I don't think so. You have to do these things when you're actually ready and it's actually a good time, there's so much to consider and so many things to think about... You'll probably look back 5yrs from now and that your past self for doing what you did, because ad much as people act as though top surgery isn't a big deal - It is! When you're ready you'll be ready and you'll know. It can only be a good thing to let yourself and your intuition guide you as to when exactly that eight time is, and you won't regret it. You'll be happy you did it on your terms in your own time and in a time that suits you. Don't worry. Top surgery is a big deal, you need to be completely prepared emotionally, physically, financially, with support and help, and so many other things. Just make the right choices for yourself as they come, and it'll all work out. Promise.

[@mwaqle]

i'm so proud of you *sending love and support across the internet*

[@littlefemme4957]

You know what's best for you. It's important to do what will ultimately help you. Please don't be hard on yourself. It was a hard decision, but right now I can sense that fellowship and a sense of togetherness is more important. It may seem awful now, but I'm sure everything will work out.

[@nikademeter]

We're all so proud of you!!! I know this was really hard decision but you made clear what are the priorities in your life and you have taken control over it. So proud of you

[@TheRainydayvideo]

Really beautiful video, I'm so glad that you feel strong enough to have made this decision.

[@maxstevam430]

You're so strong Jake, you're not ungrateful, you're amazing and life is what you said, it's all about making decisions and putting you're priorities in front of other options. I hope you the best

[@mimifieradok3003]

i just cancelled my top surgery consultation a few days ago (it would have been yesterday) for the second time, which pushes my date even further, and it makes me sad, but i just couldn't afford going for the consult right now. i'm so thankful that you made this video, i feel better now.

[@MangarooKangaroo]

I think it’s great your staying true to yourself ☺️

[@mayag.111]

This is incredibly admirable. Stay strong jake.

[@Emil-eq5vf]

Proud of you man! You always seem so strong and proud of your identity. And I'm here, 16, not knowing what is even going on with my gender but people like you make me feel better and like I'll figure stuff out and that time doesn't matter. So thanks for giving me hope and also keep being you and don't let your transition impact your life in a bad way

[@alexpearce1368]

this was such a brave decision to make, so well done dude because there's unfortunately so many people who create this idea that you absolutely have to do everything you can to transition as soon as you can without exception - which isn't true at all. We so badly need more people like you out here being honest to show what being trans truly is, so thank you

[@FriendJamie]

I’m so proud of you 💜

[@mjtrip3712]

I respect your choice, I would do the same probably! Although I had the luck that my surgery felt in line with my agenda. You will not regret your decision though. You made a good, considered decision. I can only admire this. You know Jake, after this decision you will have to deal with lots of similar things, which you probably already have dealt with. So I can only admire you being yourself. I am also being myself, I had luck being in the agenda on a time that suited me. However, AFTER my surgery I looked up to you: being who you are: dressing the way you like, and wearing make-up which you liked. You are stronger than you think you are. I support you in every way I can. Big love, Joppe (dutch dyslectic guy who also spend time on spelling control which lacked me a bit) Big love

[@ShikisaiMaki]

You did the right thing Jake! I totally understand and support you. I would have done the same.

[@kinebrenna]

I really wish you all the best. Thank you for this video.

[@NoahHella]

Fuck dude this hits home hard. So much respect and love ❤️ enjoy pride and sitc!

[@WearyVesper]

I don't think you're going to regret this in five years. Maybe you will in a few weeks or months, but then you've already waited more and your surgery is nearer. :) And that will pass. Let's hope it wont be too long for your next opportunity!

[@87654321j]

Beyond proud of you Jake must of been so hard of a decision fully love and support you no matter what :-) stay strong your my idol and role model.

[@raethemagicbean3342]

I love you so much. Thank you for making this.

[@nicovelez6453]

If this is the right thing for you, then it is the right thing to do! Total support and forget what everyone else is saying.

[@jamiedoesthings]

proud of you. this must have been so hard to do. i'm glad we'll get to see you at sitc, and i hope you get another letter through soon.

[@SwashBuckTief]

#1. You do you #2. 3:33 Bless your beautiful soul #3. I never, ever would have thought I'd get to where I am right now. It WILL happen, and it will be amazing, and in the meantime you get to be part of the hope that will get others to that place, too.

[@dstr0h]

I really understand your desicion. I will have my top surgery on July 16th but there's also my prom 4 weeks after that. So I wouldn't be able to dance with someone there. I've also thought about cancelling my top surgery but I didn't do that, because we are only dancing at the beginning for a few minutes and I can have fun with my classmates anyway. So I've told them that I won't dance but I will be there to have fun. I had the same thoughts: "well, my transition is not my whole life..." and so on So, good luck for your top surgery! I hope you get a new date soon 😄

[@mrgreenleafx]

I can totally understand you Jake. When I got my top surgery date I was really relieved that it's after the convention that I want to attend. This con is so important to me and the past four years it's always been the highlight of my year. It's the best weekend. I'm the most happiest and so full of joy during the whole weekend. I would not want to miss out on that because I'm trans. I can't wait to finally be free of my chest but I've been waiting for it for so long that a few months more really shouldn't matter in the long run. Same goes for you, why should you regret it in five years? You still got your top surgery AND you got some amazing memories on top of that! A few months seem like a lifetime when we're right in it but I'm sure they won't matter at all in a few years.

[@csauvan6794]

That was really brave of you to do, I'm proud of you!

[@xandermin]

Proud of you for making decisions based on what you genuinely think is best 💛

[@Sophie.L.H]

Gotta live life for yourself and if this is the best decision you could have made at this moment in time then that’s great and that’s what you should do! Love youuuuu 💜

[@lucaschristian135]

Big man! I don't think I could wait as soon as I get a date I'll go over hell and highway water to make it to mine. Don't feel guilty it just wasn't your time x

[@emilystevenson69]

This was such a big decision to make and so brave I'm proud of you jakey

[@LesCrisVains]

Your decision, I find it fucking brave. And, if it's better for you, then, that's what you needed to do. And, What you said about the fact that your transition doesn't control you and what you can or can't do, really make me think of my own transition. This sentence make me understand that you're right, I'm trans, but I'm not gonna let my transition control my damn life. Thank you for that, and I hope you'll be okay.

[@andrevaldes5479]

I had to do this too recently! In my case what happened was that last January I was hoping to have surgery towards the end of this year or beginning of next year, but something happened and I had to choose between waiting longer or having it in like March 2018. Even though I absolutely want a flat chest, I was prepared to have a surgical procedure in about a year, not in two months. So I cancelled the process and will contact a surgeon later this year. I’m so proud of you for making the decision you had to make and speaking up about it. It would have been so easy to just tell the internet they hadn’t given you a date yet, but you decided to be honest. I promise you there’s more trans people who have had to postpone/cancel their very-much-wanted surgery dates, and hearing a conversation about it is very validating. I’m sorry you had to choose in the first place and I hope it all goes well and you get another date very soon.

[@sunnysea24]

I think it's a very respectable decision, definitely a difficult kind to make. I do hope someone else's day was made when they got the call that their surgery would be next month.

[@reubenbryant]

*Hugs* If you believe that it is the right decision, then it IS the right decision. Though I’m still so far away from top surgery, there are things I would also make exactly the same decision for. Things I couldn’t possibly miss.

[@jaypeg7618]

Its a major surgery so you need to have it at a time that suits you and to make sure you have enough time to recover ect Yeah its gonna be hard knowing you could have had it done sooner but your next date will come through before you know it Hope you don’t have too long to wait xxx

[@GinaRiportella]

wow, this was so powerful and important 💕

[@vegedarien]

I'm glad you made the decision that was best for you, Jake. I'm incredibly proud of you✨

[@Theambermine]

you are brave, you are strong, you are the pride in which we all aspire to. march down those brighton streets with the goddamn right to take each step because this is the hard thing, and its the only thing you could truely do

[@maxdelestinne6924]

Good on you for making this decision! And don't worry, in 5 years time I don't think you'll regret postponing your surgery. I had my top surgery almost 2 years ago now and ever since, I haven't regretted having to wait for years (and even having my surgery postponed by the surgeon), even if that was out of my control. I somehow blocked out all those years of chest dysphoria and those years shaped me into who I am today, which is something I'm proud of. Oh and my surgeries (both chest and hysterectomy) were the day before my 18th birthday and 3 weeks before going to Iceland via a 47 hour long ferry ride, followed by a three week road trip lol. So perhaps you would have been able to go to SITC semi okay :p But I do understand you want to be able to enjoy it for the full 100%. Anyway, you did the right thing and owe no one an explanation!

[@diversifiedplural6294]

Wow. I couldn’t have done it. You have more strength than me

[@LauraPictures]

I had a top surgery appointment for july as well but cancelled it. I now have one for the beginning of next year. But tbh I don't feel too bad about it. I just have to make it through this summer without melting and from fall on, i can wear jumpers and hoodies again. And hey, getting surgery in summer is a pain in the ass anyways ;)

[@probablyalex]

If you don't mind me asking. If through the NHS, how long did you wait? I'm about to be starting with the adult gic, they've been messing me around so I know nothing. This is an important video, you're really fucking strong