Childhood Trauma Breaks You Down. Here's How to Heal Your Spirit

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice *Join my Membership and access my private online community: bit.ly/CCF-Membership *Visit my website at crappychildhoodfairy.com *Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2 *Have a question for me to answer on KZbin? Write me here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters

[@SaraFreedMiami]

Can you provide significant discounts to people in warzone? If anyone reading this can reach out please do. Write me your email address 👇 below 😉. I'm barely coping.

[@stephj9673]

I like being isolated. It’s safe. I don’t want to connect with people anymore

[@bengisusens]

Me too

[@tjrn73]

After being used manipulated by people I've tried to be good to. To being cheated on basically since my 28 year marriage began. I prefer isolation as well.

[@charmedprince]

Yep 😢 here's to all of us who are safeguarding our wellbeing ❤️‍🩹

[@mikedavidson1970]

I agree I understand. I give up life. I will still do what I have to do. But I no longer dream of anything good.

[@bengisusens]

@@mikedavidson1970 It hurts me so much to watch my life just fade away

[@Ali-nx8gh]

My dog has pulled me out of so many days of funk. Without him, I'd rarely ever leave home except for work 💞🐕🙏🏼

[@RockDove5212]

❤

[@janeyrevanescence12]

My soul was completely destroyed when my fiancé died in a car accident. He was literally the first person in years to make me believe that I could live a happy life after a lifetime of abuse, neglect and bullying. I want to believe that I’ll rise again but when you lose a loving spouse…you are always affected by the loss. You may move on, find a new love, maybe a family. But you’re always going to feel as if something is missing. I hope everyone is able to heal and escape. Because I don’t know how.

[@stephaniedonatello6844]

So sorry this happened to you😢❤i hope your life will be filled with love and kindness and good people❤

[@cathylindeboo.9598]

😢

[@diannarimer8705]

@@janeyrevanescence12 Peace to you. Sending many prayers your way .

[@月亮-g5f]

I understand what you mean by irreplaceable loss..very deeply. I am sorry about yours

[@ClaudiaSessa-bj2qp]

I am so sorry . ❤️‍🩹

[@alexandrabeneteau3723]

I never wanted to admit that my home was spirit destroying and emotionally abusive. Watching your videos has given voice and recognition to aspects of my life that were dark but had no name. It lends legitimacy to the invisible problems and issues that I have had to try and overcome.

[@corinneyaworski-mh9uc]

Amen

[@PaulaSmith-c3r]

I strongly suspect spirits - actual demonic spirits have been attacking me since I moved in this house and they got inside of me. My ex husband broke my actual soul with abuse. I cannot describe how I didn't feel like I was inside my body since. So many things have happened to me especially since moving here. I have come to realise I attract broken souls probably because I am one. I go to walk my dog and I meet so many who want to talk to me ❤

[@ttheartsu]

I also feel when your spirit is so grand, others can detect that and they try to dim your light. It’s the insecurities of others that causes them to do so. However, let your light shine bright as it can dispel the darkness 🩷

[@caroleminke6116]

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!

[@saturdayschild8535]

@@ttheartsu Amen!

[@malindaheaney1020]

Its seems like a constant battle. I just stay away.

[@ttheartsu]

@ that’s the best thing to do! I’ve learned that we create fantasies of who we wish these people could be but that’s all it is, a fantasy! We need to accept the reality and stay away. Big hugs 🩷

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I just ended a friendship that was dimming my light... feels kind of good to get rid of a toxic person

[@paulalane8638]

I think this might be the DEEP hurt I've carried inside for years! It is almost like a grief. I'm a work in progress. Can't begin to express my heartfelt gratitude to you, Anna, for helping us understand! You are such a blessing!❤

[@caroleminke6116]

It is the grief cycle for betrayal by those who only took but never gave us what we needed as kids 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@ritamariekelley4077]

I'm still grieving because I'm still recovering memories. Another process. 💙

[@denitsamladenova7230]

It is grief. Its grief for the life that could have been.

[@veersstreams9065]

This video had me in tears. It's not just that your message is correct and eloquent, but that it's saturated with understanding about what this is like to live with and what's needed to turn it around. Thank you, Anna, for your important work!

[@urbansetter1]

I had a broken spirit and identity crisis from self abandonment. Im healing now but its been and still is a tough road. My spirit is still alittle broken

[@wesna213]

Hi, I really can relate with this..Identity crisis, self abandonment. Let's say and believe, its never late :)

[@caroleminke6116]

Broken wings can heal & so can our broken hearts 💔❤️‍🩹♥️ we will love & fly again

[@urbansetter1]

@@caroleminke6116 yes

[@daniellecasey1623]

Healing is a journey, my friend. Give yourself grace and acknowledge your growth.

[@August_2456]

Actually jesus can heal it. There's a song called you're the almighty song, play it on loop and you'll manifest the demons. After that, you will have joy. I'm saying this from my experience. Jesus healed my anxiety from this song and now I don't have anxiety. But just don't sin or worship idols or stuff like that, or it's gonna come back worse

[@suemoore509]

When i learned how to regulate my nervous system, I wanted to socialise more, and needed more connection. It felt safer because I wasnt in fight/flight or freeze anymore. And if people did upset or hurt me, I was better able to come back from that. So I slowly started to feel more confident in my ability to handle others. I think that being stuck in a dysregulated state without realising it, is responsible for a lot of the self isolation that goes on, because its the only way we know to make ourselves feel safe. One of the main characteristics of being in the regulated parasympathetic state, is the desire to connect with others. It wasnt easy to shift, but theres so much info out there now on how to do this, which Im VERY grateful for. Anna was the first one to introduce me to it ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You have a reason to be proud of yourself! Great job! Nika@TeamFairy

[@liodemirror1775]

Solution: be clear what you want in life. Stick up for yourself. And love yourself

[@justinklenk]

This has happened to me. I'm doing everything I can to _feel_ again, at ~50. But the light is not gone - I had to get low with it (in a good way), to day-by-day survive what I'd been through, for so many decades and ending in multiple incredibly mind-numbing simultaneous tragedies. This is my ultimate responsibility - to still engender Joy and a deeply meaningful life, despite the unspeakable extent of the loss that's dominated me. We ALWAYS have our center, as Victor Frankl miraculously discovered. I'm in.

[@cathylindeboo.9598]

I just want to thank you, and tell you how much I felt your words. And I am also a huge admirer of Victor Frankl.😊

[@justinklenk]

@cathylindeboo.9598 Much appreciated, Cathy. Thank you.

[@caroleminke6116]

Victor Frankl got it 😉 just thinking about him earlier today 💔❤️‍🩹♥️ love is a choice so choose to love yourself first the way your soul loves you always

[@pamelaclark6694]

My peace is THE MOST important thing in my life. Even though im primarily isolated, it’s peaceful. I’ve had so much trauma … it’s taken my entire life to heal. No one will ever take that from me

[@bridgettetraveler658]

I don't remember when I became a broken person, but today & for many years I have daily Bible study. I've learned to pray for myself to receive more & more of GOD'S Wisdom, Knowledge, Discernment & Understanding. I refuse to be led by evil ppl ever again. I don't have a close relationship with ppl who hurt me years ago because I don't trust easily. I constantly pray for those who hate me because I know we're gonna reap what we sow!!!

[@ritamariekelley4077]

I prayed for these evil people until I realized that was keeping me in denial of how bad it really was. (They got years of prayers.)

[@Unhingedbutcute]

I’ve been feeling like my spirit is broken. Definitely needed to hear this episode today. Thank you!

[@caroleminke6116]

💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 it’s just a process like the grief cycle & your resilience is taking you to a better place in life where your perseverance pays off 😉

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@MissyQ12345]

I keep expecting an apology, but it will never come.

[@caroleminke6116]

They’re incapable of accepting blame because shame is their kryptonite so cut those losses & go no contact

[@Blahblahmeow]

Me too.

[@robertapascal6962]

I know my spirit crusher has no clue the damage her actions did to my heart. She has her family while I hope I can heal one day and meet someone who will love me. Too late for kids, but I would love some friends and a husband one day.

[@ritamariekelley4077]

I used to think they would wake up and realize what they'd done to me. But I realize expecting an apology--or even an acknowledgement will never come. If they were toxic/cruel/criminal enough to hurt you so severely, those kind of peeps will never apologize, so finally, I gave up that wish. Glad I'm free of that.

[@MissyQ12345]

@@ritamariekelley4077 I am working on just being civil to her, but never again will I participate in forced and fake “celebrations.” I always end up crying. I stopped going for the family gift exchange when mom died and just go to brunch on Christmas Day. At my birthday lunch, my spirit crusher wanted to change everyone’s plans to suit herself. I always end up crying and can’t seem to avoid the chaos. Geez. I have to learn…

[@DarkPriestessJae]

This is one of the most excellent talks I’ve ever heard. I wish everyone could hear this and start to find ways to heal. You are doing amazing work in the world Anna! Thank you.

[@msdemeanour]

My spirit has been so crushed by abuse but I keep on rising, like a phoenix from the ashes. Nobody will break my spirit (many have tried) 💖

[@ritamariekelley4077]

💙

[@ritamariekelley4077]

Dear Phoenix, I try to keep that in the forefront, the Phoenix metaphor. They couldn't quite manage to break me even tho they tried very hard. I'd like to regain my childhood curiosity, spirit and enthusiasm. I've just discovered that I am still seriously dissociative. That kept me alive, but now is very problematic. The awareness left me sad, grieving, but that too, can be improved. Love your handle!

[@msdemeanour]

@@ritamariekelley4077 Thanks 🙏🏼 stay strong 💖

[@HolyGround777]

Keep going and stay strong! 🫶

[@Dee8Bee]

Hear hear! I can't let those bastards win.

[@atalantamountain]

I think I need your videos so badly, but it hurts too much to listen to the things you say. It is all so true, but I can handle my life only having my shield on. I can't take it off. I'm afraid it is the only thing that keeps me together. If I fall, there will be nobody to catch me. And all those "tell yourself you are worthy" meditations just make me cry and almost feel sick, I can't force myself to even say those words to myself, much less to believe them. This is all inside me, nobody I know would not ever believe what I now write. I am very good at behaving like there's no worry in my life. I have learnt to, because my parents had far too much worries with their own w@r traumas and with my very unpredictable and rebellious, even criminal older siblings, all the time until we all were adults and then old, until my parents and then the siblings eventually p@ssed away. And here I am now, wondering when will my time to be important begin.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

What a beautiful reflection, and accurate description of what it's like. You have gone through so much and have held it together for so long. I'm glad you are here, and hope you find some comfort and ease in your body and spirit, and get a little breathing room to take small and positive next steps!

[@samanthathompson9812]

I'm too tired and damaged. I only have the energy to work and commute. That's it. Survival, though I don't know why.

[@caroleminke6116]

Meditation, nature & pets can help nurture you until thriving takes over from just 💔❤️‍🩹♥️ surviving

[@MissSothePeacefulObserver]

I've definitely been in "fatalist mode" for many years now. I know a lot of it is related to the state of the world and politics, etc, but I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I did start your program on the website recently, and I do it every day, so I'm hoping that it just takes time. I know I have a long way to go, since I'm still venting online in various places. Staying isolated has also kept me "safe". I guess that's where I'll be for now. Appreciated this video. It's exactly how I'm feeling right now.

[@punyashloka4946]

Being fatalist help me survive abuse in my childhood 😢. It was a survival strategy.

[@caroleminke6116]

You’re doing it! Congratulations ❤

[@christinemccoy4471]

I "belong" with myself. I have had 17 years in a row that was great. All other years have shown me that others use and abuse then leave. Alone is pleasant

[@TeejayEnergy]

Is the program free?I'm not exactly monied up😢

[@MissSothePeacefulObserver]

@@TeejayEnergy No, you have to pay a fee. But you can also get her new book, if you need a more affordable option. The book is good too.

[@eddition4162]

I’m tired of putting up people who seem safe to be around but end up mistreating me. I’m tired of having to speak louder because of how uncomfortable I feel. I wish I could just die and go somewhere where I can feel safe and happy and don’t have to fake paying attention or being interested in what people are saying. Who’s with me?

[@ritamariekelley4077]

I just became aware of an experience 2 years ago and realized very clearly that I am still dissociative. Brilliant survival strategy, but it has made me aware of how I'm still not present for me. It's problematic and people think you're crazy, bringing up something that's 2 years old, but still feels like it's happening now. I'm grieving--again. Thanks, Anna, for your brilliant insight.

[@bronsonmcdonald5473]

I wish you all the best on your journey to be present for yourself again💓

[@saturdayschild8535]

I know I dissociate. I spent years being broken by family and marriage. It was the dissociation that woke me up. I’m still working towards healing my spirit and my soul. No Contact/Limited Contact and a divorce have been so helpful. I’m still struggling but I’m listening to my spirit and learning the things that make me zone out. I don’t think it’s ADHD like some have told me. I tried that and the meds didn’t help. I’m doing this the hard way. Healing is worth learning as many lessons as I can. Thanks for this video.

[@caroleminke6116]

Magical thinking plus using reading as an escape is how I survived childhood by dissociating but now I think practically & act responsibly while still linking up daily with my highest self through meditation, nature & cats 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@catherinekirby-smith53]

Life is about learning. I hope you learn to be your own best friend. I'm working on that myself.

[@thelittlenatureshow]

We need this, especially today...

[@csc8697]

Your hair looks pretty Anna. Its been awhile since I watched. Sometimes it's too painful... Thank you for your counseling.

[@hugmc]

Even at 64 years old I still have little problem with the past I used to wish I belonged to a different family. But as you grow in self love and peace you realise that the other family’s that you wanted too be part of may had many problems too. ❤

[@cathylindeboo.9598]

Thank you Anna!! This resonates with me strongly today... So glad youre here, available to so many of us!!!❤

[@lizrussell415]

I needed this like I need air to live. Thank you Anna.

[@prescottlady7978]

Anna, you are the best psychologist in all the land! I feel such a kinship with you and most of this group, also having been family scapegoat, many narcissists as major figures in my life....pain at every turn..... Speaking of our spirits, I began, about thirty years ago, listening to a wonderful evangelist named Joyce Meyer, who also grew up being horribly abused. I found the Lord, and have been welcoming His input into my life, by His Holy Spirit, and now live with the "Eternal Perspective" , which makes a huge difference! I'm not generally depressed, I AM (justifiably, I think) wary of people, but can enjoy them, and myself, as I slowly get to know them (Anna's "Front porch" concept, as you may remember.) So...bottom line: seek God, and ask for His healing and guidance.And remember, this isn't all there is.......

[@michellewall6748]

Hello Anna…. I just want to thank you so much for helping me understand why I feel the way I do and also all the other comments that have made me realise it’s not just me feeling like this…. Good luck and best wishes to everyone who reads this…Thank you again Anna…you have so helped me….😊

[@Who_6689]

Thank you so much for this video. Your videos help me so much. I just had a panic attack. Watching you videos soothe my soul. Please never stop making them. Good wishes qnd hugs :)

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@LindyLouCantu]

This is so incredibly insightful!

[@jessicat2304]

I use to be the popular , attractive socialite. Now I’m just a loner. It makes me sad but I rather this then the constant anxiety, gaslighting, and abuse.

[@jupiterscorner5423]

Wow...

[@michellewall6748]

Same here…. Love being alone…

[@rainbeau9752]

Thank you for your work! ❤ For most of my life I confused sex for love. I was so confused. I wasn’t raised by loving parents, and when I slowly realized this, the reality was a hard hit. Your channel has been one of the contributing factors in my healing.

[@jamesmettauer9700]

Thank you for sharing. Now that I've been diagnosed with a disability, I wanted to believe that life would finally start to make sense. I was wrong. Thinking that maybe one day I could find the Golden Ticket. Time and pain has taught me that the ticket was always a lie. No happy ending is waiting at the end of the tunnel, only more pain, only more darkness. Hope is only a four letter word with no meaning. No right, no wrong, no future. I'm completely broken, and always was.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

I can totally relate!! Starts with a broken family!! NOT our faults!! TX for sharing dear one!!!!!

[@johannabergstrom5030]

This is a great video! I agree with you completely. 💞

[@Celeste-uk1zq-s6j]

Very insightful video, good to remember and know that your spirit/soul will not be totally crushed, it stays intact. Important lesson to stay true to your (higher)self, to see what's real and what's not real, to know right from wrong. I'll keep this in mind and will try to be an agent of good and a light 🌟

[@courtneyvaughan-gs7ml]

You are a life saver, truly. I haven’t found a better psychologists on KZbin. You by far surpass because you have experienced it yourself. And there is no better person to explain and understand than a person who has lived it. Thank you Anna, your community loves you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, thank you!

[@booreed7813]

As always dear Fairy………’you know just where I live!’ Thank you Anna, another great video! 🤗

[@EnnVee959]

You are so correct. This video really touches on what happened to me after a severe trauma my mother caused to me involving a public humiliation.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching. Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@booksie1]

Needed this today. Feeling crushed today but did the daily practise and am doing what I need to do.

[@cynthiahoag2941]

This may be the most important video I have ever watched. I believe my spirit never developed in the first place. I was always dissociated, had to be to cope with my family growing up. As a young adult, I almost joined a cult. When you come from chaos, nothing provides structure and stability like a cult. I needed that structure and stability desperately. And then, when I started thinking for myself, I would be instantly shunned. Now, I am determined to heal. That's why I joined the Fairy community. I am obsessed with developing inner power. I have no vision for my life, but I could have the best vision ever and it wouldn't matter because I feel (unrealistically) so powerless. I am also reading Caroline Myss books to try to develop some inner power. I feel like I never got out of the gate. Almost cried during the video. Nailed it. Inspired.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You can heal! We're so glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

Love, prayers and blessings for you Anna and community ❤🙏

[@kevinmasterson5733]

Thanks Anna. This is just what I needed to hear today. to get up and keep going in the face of hopelessness and defeat. What helps me is to channel my anger and hurt into determination, resolve and empathy.

[@Sea_Brie]

So amazing--cult culture like hookup culture, both require dissociation-me and my parents were in cults-beat down spirits can be healed-I’m getting more support now than ever Anna thank you for your spot on guidance

[@danielleleyshon-m9o]

As a product of a crappie childhood, that groomed me into being loyal to abusive people/situation. I feel so depleted but I know I'm a strong person and im trying so hard to help myself. My two most important tools I learned in therapy was boundaries and self care. I use those 2 helping me keep my little energy I have on helping my physical and mental pain. Im looking forward to hearing more from you, especially after watching this video...because im pretty down.

[@ritamariekelley4077]

💙💙

[@trishknight6983]

Yep. Tired.

[@jackierose2109]

9 ACE's, SUD. Not only have you been a resource for me. I use your clips for my clients. Thank you for your vocation. ❤

[@marijkevv11]

Hear, hear! ❤ thank you (again) for this wise and clear talk!

[@anetnel-fk7vu]

Thank you Anna, you have given me hope in some of my darkest days ❤

[@monkey56ization]

Recognition, acceptance, i send my traumatised parts to an angel hospital for the love and care i dont know how to give to these so damaged parts of myself. The angels are the healers.

[@robertbenedek4463]

14:50 That Bob Marley quote is serious ethics...

[@Hummingbird1029]

Thank you Anna, I grew up in jehova’s witness cult and experienced a lot of abuse and emotional neglect. I didn’t realized I was so easy to manipulate. I’ve been accused to manipulate. At times it’s just a big confusion

[@brada8763]

It doesn't matter what i do, nothing works out. There's literally no point.

[@sharwil63]

I personally don't trust many people at all. And even old friendships are not what they once were. I know that I'm still healing and that I'm a work in progress!

[@Sonia-qz4xv]

Thanks for this timely discussion on this very important day. I'm praying that those who are what you're saying find this message or it gets to them. It is hard to leave a cult but it can be done and you feel so liberated when you do. #my own experience

[@mnnew6772]

“Bargain with pain”. Best video you have ever done

[@burninghair]

In discussing the nature of cults, would it be logical to say that the family you are born into can be considered or behave 'cult like'? I think so because this is your family- these are the people who we are tied to by blood, we grow up with them and learn the core fundamentals from the family. We conform to our parents teachings and as a GenX, most of us were expected to be obedient/subservient. "We are Family" might as well be a mini cult in some cases. My example being my mother forcing her daughters to grow up witnessing substance abuse, criminal activity, mental- emotional and physical violence and I, as the youngest, was sexually abused as a child. All from family members. Guilted into financially supporting family members who were constantly in and out of prison- always abusing or taking advantage of the us. Essentially instilling in us we accept our roles as victims and support our abusers because they are "family". I then spent almost 20 years of my adult life being abused by my narcissistic partner (left him in 2022) and had a career with massive A-type personalities. This pretty much sums up my life. I am 50 and my spirit is so broken, I look at people with general disgust. Of course it all runs very deep, but I am fully aware I am dissociated. Feels like a choice made to protect what's left of my psyche.

[@FabLoki]

I am the romantic shoplifter... I feel so ashamed, but despite all my efforts to end the relationship, to explain clearly I don't feel the same way, and even having said that she deserves someone that will take her further than what I was capable of, she still could not lose interest and perhaps have hope that the relationship could evolve some day... at this point and after all these years (almost 9 !) I don't even know if we are together or not, and neither does she. I feel that my insecurities mixed with the fear of being the bad guy not grateful for all she did and all the love she demonstrated turn me exactly into that : someone profiting off her hope and sacrificing both her precious time and mine by not having the courage to completely cut ties even when she comes back... It sounds so easy to do but extraordinarily hard in reality... The feeling of being stuck has planted something strangely inert in me that becomes tangible when we meet, but instead of addressing it and uprooting it for good, I rush to nurture it and cover it up, drifting me a bit further away from myself a bit more every time... Greetings from France. Fabrice

[@Ali-nx8gh]

My God, I've never felt so understood as I do by the CCF. Especially this video.😞

[@Sld14423]

Anna, you have a gift . God bless you keep it going hold on to it and keep giving it Amen 🙏

[@jessethepersiankitty2377]

I'm ready to live. Bring it on.

[@soniafaye9919]

YES ANNA!!! Thank you for saying this about cults and a broken spirit. Timely. our trauma makes us so vulnerable to magical thinking and lies, and extreme authority figures. "Its getting harder to say these things" is a beautiful poetic line in a newly released song from an artist i love.

[@mantsukinohana2353]

Love, love, love this video. Thank you Anna for bringing up this point. The force field idea completely resonates with me!! I feel like I actually went through this. In my teens and 20s my spirit was very weak, so I had people of all ages mess with me constantly. It really sucked and I feel like I'm still recovering from the many poor treatment I received while my spirit was weak. Now my spirit is strong due to the intensive healing and therapy I've undertaken in my 30s. I feel like "strong spirit" has nothing to do with morality either because even bad actors can have very strong spirit and be untouchable. I'm not sure what it is, but definitely rebuilding my spiritual strength has helped me push back against contradictory forces or get through challenging situations. Nowadays, people often say to me that I'm a very strong person, which is so not what people would've said about me when I was younger. The damaged spirit is the worst harm that I think can be inflicted on someone. For me, my spirit was damaged due to lifelong accumulation of people/systems/culture suppressing my ability and agency to be who I really am. I spent my entire 30s (I'm almost 38) rebuilding my identity and understanding/accepting who I am. I hope to become pregnant soon and my goal as a parent is to protect my children's spirit and protect their right to self sovereignty. Anna, I believe you mentioned self sovereignty in a past video. This concept is so incredibly important and I believe people with CPTSD lost that or became very damaged. Anyway, I could respond to so many excellent points in the video! Lots for me to ponder now because I've been needing to make real changes based on the points you raise, but been too afraid to take action and be assertive about. This was the pep talk and grounding in reality that I need.

[@lucypavett6173]

Im 54, i dont know myself anymore. Bob Marley also said 'who feels it, knows it'. but i dont feel anything. 😢

[@ritamariekelley4077]

💙

[@_ross5800]

The group of people who call themselves my family was most definitely a type of cult and... I was tossed out. I think I'm happier, but I know they're not, they love being unhappy.

[@CristinaEvans-w2m]

People have taken advantage of my caring nature for years ps I was in a cult for 5 years when I was a teenager I’m 55 now and I really resonate with this I was also groomed and sa when I was a child 😢😢😢 I just wanted to fit in somewhere ❤

[@lydianichols832]

I left the cult my family belongs to at 18 y/o, and have as a result been shunned for 13 years. I’m not allowed to enter anybody’s home. Weddings, graduations, family reunions, any other ocasión - I’m not invited. Not as much as a call to ask how I’m doing. They know nothing about my life. When I tell people, they often say “we’ll, you must’ve done something really bad.” All I did was leave. I feel so alone. I’ve anxiously sought to recreate family with men I’ve dated and every friend, and sabotaged those relationships in the process. I feel lost. It feels good to hear that my spirit is at least intact enough to have left. It just feels impossible to recover any more than the little bit that’s left. And if the little bit that’s left is only enough to leave and feel my loneliness so intensely, wouldn’t it be better to just… go back and let that little piece die so that I can at least have the peace of not feeling the emotional and psychological abuse? Sometimes I wonder. I’m not going back. I started going to ACA meetings and am working on my relationship with god, a relationship I’d thrown away because I thought Christian religion could only replicate the trauma of my childhood. So much pain.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It sounds hard but we're glad you are here. If you're interested, you may want to try Anna's free course ‘The Daily Practice’. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. Here's a link to it if you'd like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@MarleyLeMar]

Thank you for this validating message. I'm in the stage of healing developmental deficits where I'm internalizing these nourishing reparative experiences of validation. I think the warmth of your spirit is an antidote for people who feel like isolating.

[@bradleytwilson99]

Thank you for your videos about childhood trauma. They really help me.

[@shawn2350]

Betrayal is the reason in my opinion. At just about every level, it's hard to see because we don't want to believe that it is happening. I agree with you on dissociation. Whether the issue is person, profession or political I believe we are being gaslit by a caring persona but the action is missing. The persona is built off of our cultural beliefs that twists and contorts the foundation. After going through emotional abuse and knowing what you have gone through you can start to see the Bullsh't all over the place. Great video!!

[@terrytaylor2298]

I love your comments, you have managed to portray the exact way I am feeling and what I’ve been through. Thank you for the validation. I am trying to disassociate myself from my person now. It is so painful and I find myself breaking out in tears for the loss of not getting (the happily ever after) that I thought it would be. I keep reminding myself that he is not all in and never will be. It is time for me to love myself more than him.

[@rutherfordBHAZED]

This was very insightful and I think Anna is a wonderful person.

[@RyanVoorhies]

I witnessed hope in humanity and then it went completely blank. Really trying to break out of isolation. It’s so hard to trust people/a lot of things right now.. but I still see the glimmer that encourages me to trust myself.

[@dihett]

At some point, year after year of starting over, it's just too much work.

[@jaanaj9028]

Thank you. Im getting stronger little by little listening your videos. Greetings from Finland.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@edenalicerosebelovedchildo5958]

I’m sad today.

[@diannarimer8705]

You are more than enough!

[@76652-j]

❤❤❤❤

[@5u94r]

Me too. ❤️‍🩹

[@marylouleeman591]

I feel you.

[@CristinaEvans-w2m]

If sad and scared too😢

[@What-he5pr]

Suppressed to work like a slave for people who dont give a shit about me.

[@davidverlaney7764]

Read the book of Ecclesiastes and God is watching and God respects you. If you do everything for the Lord.

[@What-he5pr]

​@@davidverlaney7764 he's the reason I'm not gone yet frankly

[@thinlizzy9032]

oof felt that

[@laveniajohnson2283]

Anna, you might be a genius 😊

[@bronsonmcdonald5473]

At some point in my life, for the most part, i stopped challenging myself. Makes for a boring life. I know this and need to change. I know its due to complex ptsd, alot of work ahead.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are in the right place to begin your healing process! We're all rooting for you! Nika@TeamFairy

[@lynnemason3513]

Every so often you make a video that is so deep. Thank you.

[@cikis14]

This video reseted my brain for a bit, it was so nice

[@debbiev.1311]

So grateful for your message, Anna...perfect timing!!! ❤️🤗🕊

[@mudcreekpottery]

You have a beautiful smile!! Thank you for your channel. It has helped me so much. ❤️

[@hitsdif99]

this was EXCELLENT, Anna!

[@t-dawg894]

Thank you for this video and for the content you offer.

[@Sld14423]

Wow again. Wow wow wow . Ty Anna

[@roziedavey6321]

Just brilliant!! ✨ I've followed you for a long time, Anna, and this has to be your best, most zeitgeisty video to date...sooo powerful! Thank you 🤗💕

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community hear! Glad you liked the video! Nika@TeamFairy

[@lamalawyer]

Really like the way you use metaphors; really enjoy that in your book too!

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks Anna for your pod casts.

[@EvilSapphireR]

I LOVE these videos. Brings my internal dialogue out into the open in such certain terms that I gain clarity on my own thought loops. The only tiny complaint I have is the use of gendered quotes such as "it takes a cowardly man to awaken love in a woman and then reject her". I know you went on to say how this can affect both men and women, but I believe as men we are expected to be more stoic in face of any CPTSD we harbor or the resulting relationship trauma that we face that it is easy to exclude men with gendered language especially in psychotherapy spaces where men already feel uncomfortable due to their childhood conditioning of "trudging through it alone". Thank you so much for your work! God knows how much men like me (and women!) need your help!

[@Celena2224]

Great video! Lots of wisdom

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you think so! Nika@TeamFairy

[@marywolfe6598]

Scripture says that God is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God is love. God loves all who are watching this video no matter how awful people have treated you. I pray for all to be healed by the spirit of God Almighty!

[@angieparsons5599]

Thank you Anna this is very helpful. ❤

[@sodatre]

Great message! Thank you!❤

[@terryfelkins912]

Good! I’m sick of being gaslit and made fun of by the doctors I have seen!

[@hylianflower9681]

I sent this to my boyfriend. Highschool sweethearts. 6 years together and i uncovered his p or n addiction 3 weeks ago. Day 1 i told him my views and he disregarded my boundaries. Hes in therapy and it started when he was 12. He dissociated, and continued into his adulthood. Hes been uncovering his past and he seems like a totally different person. We ensured he has no access to po rn, and honestly, what ive learned about his coping, this video makes sense. He was always broken, always angry, always distant. Always unlikeable. And very easy to manipulate too, i see his friends do it all the time. Im just sad i spent 6 years not knowing he needed help.

[@hylianflower9681]

You hit both our marks. I spent 6 years in a horribly abusive relationship with him, holding space, and shutting down my feelings. I wonder if now we can heal...

[@hylianflower9681]

And it sucks to face that his broken soul always wanted to tear me down. He said me having values, boundaries, etc, he dissociated and gave himself permission to watch p o r n because A) women are dumb and crazy and B) how can i function? It was a cycle, over and over.

[@hylianflower9681]

And his mom, dad, love to manipulate him.

[@GracieDontPlayDat]

You need Christ to heal- unconditional love that makes someone want to change. The problem is, someone with a reprobate mind is not in a place to receive Christ because they think they are hiding their shame from God. It is literally in the Bible where Adam and Eve think they are hiding their nakedness from God with fig leaves-no, God sees all, and Christ loves us even while we were sinners. Tell him that! Give him a Bible. If he doesn’t accept the Gospel, shake the dust off and move on! As a warning, I never had children because I was married to that selfish person. Let Christ heal you, and be extremely careful of churches that tell you to endure abuse from an unrepentant abuser.

[@GracieDontPlayDat]

And yes, my selfish person’s parents do the same, but the Catholic Church was the worst, preaching how he can lose his salvation instead of get or kept it.

[@wesboundmusic]

That Bob Marley-quote is ... whoa... _as deep as the underseas Canyon offshore the Californian coast_ ... In reflecting my failed marriage, I sometimes wonder to what extent I had still been disconnected from my _truest core of self_ . I was under the impression that I had already healed enough to the point of being able to really commit to this relationship with my - now ex- - wife. And I still want to think that I had, because I clearly remember the apprehension bordering on anxiety I felt prior to mustering up the guts to end my existing half-committed or even "casual" relationship with the person I was seeing at the time. (which wasn't "fair" to said person in retrospect and to say the least and begin with). The apprehension wasn't so much for needing to "disappoint" the person I was with by quitting on her (maybe I was "liberating" her from me and let her have another and better opportunity, how about that...?), but because of feeling very strongly that it would rip me apart at the seams if our relationship failed (which it has 20 years ago and I don't think I can say that I've truly ever recovered from this gargantuan loss). And yet... if I crank the "honesty meter" up just one more notch, I have to sit myself down and realize that even back then, I wasn't as fully committed as it would have taken me to really make it more sustainable Either that - or I simply really had other ideas and plans for my life, which no longer aligned with what I perceived to be her heartfelt wish (family... kind of a scorched earth idea, phenomenon, model of living for me on account of what I went through growing up). I don't think that I'll ever have a clear answer to that question. But what I _did realize_ is that it was very likely for the better for the both of us: 1. She had and took her opportunity to manifest her idea of family with someone else. 2. I am afraid we both went in too wounded to really avoid transgressions with the other person in one or the other way, which is to say: Maybe, we were both like "two drowning people trying to hold on to each other", as someone once put it. I don't know. I tend to go with 2. as the most likely as well as plausible "explanation" - if any was needed. What I'd rather have done would've been what she did pretty much right away: Accept the new reality and move on! Well... I guess I'm more one who need their dear time to reflect, process, get orientation (trauma symptom, if that getting orientated takes too long, I'm aware). Oh well. Life. What a concept!

[@EspenGrnvold]

I struggle with the thought of being worthy of love. I'm unable to see love as more than an excuse people use to push their expectations on someone. Why would I even want love?

[@dxn0001]

I needed you this morning :)