Clarkson, Hammond, May Logics Compilation

some of them makes sense
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sitrep compilation: • Clarkson and May "Sit-...
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[@flyawaytodie]

"If the Porsche is doing 30, I'm doing 35, I could easily get by" Cannot argue with that level of genius.

[@flmcmil]

it's frightening

[@mikemorris4548]

Genius?, he's funny, obviously, nothing genius about it, it's called a speed limit lol.

[@flmcmil]

@@mikemorris4548 /woosh

[@monkeyatanofficedesk9253]

fucking hell nothing gets passed you Mike does it 👍

[@hariranormal5584]

Actually makes you think how better cars are useless, you can't practically use all you got as it literally is against the law actually. So yes a Prius is as fast as a Bugatti on normal road.

[@mstieler8480]

"We're close to the equator." "Very close to it. Perhaps we're on it?" "No, we can't be on it, we'd see a big dotted line."

[@then00brathalos]

guy who lived on the equator here, and yes we see a big dotted line everyday in the sky

[@disclaimer.imjokin]

Who ever wrote that joke should write jokes for female comics

[@CL0WN]

Uuh, yea. We seen the video.

[@StormsandSaugeye]

@@disclaimer.imjokin You should probably go outside and touch grass rather than be a misogynist.

[@Fucyallfr]

@@disclaimer.imjokin Damn ur really not doing well huh

[@olivercook9663]

Or you can have something cheap like A ANT

[@ridhwanramzi4773]

What ant

[@olivercook9663]

@@ridhwanramzi4773 That ant!

[@ridhwanramzi4773]

@@olivercook9663 🤨 *observes jar closely*

[@jordan8806]

@@ridhwanramzi4773 or you can use your common sense and have a labradog

[@karllegaspi6640]

*labradog

[@ecrxft]

Top 3 pets: 3) a igyuana 2) a ant 1) a labradog

[@damemearena2142]

An labradog

[@aiu2616]

*igyuana with a silver neckless

[@sdfilmproductions4193]

What about a dinosaur?....There's another man called Hammond who lives on an island who can get you one of them....Some are a bit bitey but just get a veggiesaurus and you'll be fine.👍🦕🦖

[@kariolm2579]

The most ironic part of that episode is that Clarkson was trying to be a middle ground between Hammond's 'budget' Jag F-pace (about 60k) and May's 'expensive' Bentley Bentayga (About 300k). Price of his 'middle ground' Range rover was about 120k.

[@bryanmadden3657]

I don't remember that clip

[@michaelramsey82]

"Why are you filling the caravan with petrol?" "So it explodes when the car hits it." "Why would the caravan explode?" "Because I filled it with petrol." Absolutely flawless logic.

[@ishkabible1028]

That’s Hollywood logic in a nutshell

[@TheRuddster95]

​@@ishkabible1028directed by Michael Bay

[@testpleaseignore]

Clarkson: "Hammond you good for nothing American" Also Clarkson: *does gardening with a shotgun*

[@MuscleboySV]

I lol'd when Hammond said "It'll be a hammer. It's not a hammer!"

[@Jdudhhsuxbsksj]

Hammond You can’t prune a tree with a Shotgun! 🅲🅻🅰🆁🅺🆂🅾🅽: 🆈🅴🆂 🆈🅾🆄 🅲🅰🅽!

[@elvis1745]

a real American would do it with an AR assault rifle

[@Pigness7]

@@elvis1745 no such gun exists

[@markmontagna7637]

@@elvis1745assault rifles are illegal in America semi auto rifles are not

[@charlotteleates9375]

“Well, that would be against the law. He’d, hopefully, have his licence taken away” The way he says that, I just find hysterical. So dry! 🤣

[@MarcinHopa8]

Hahah yeah 😂❤️

[@DrSloth78]

3:10 I love the way he says "-currently- against the law" as though it will some day be legal to saw legs off people with a hammer

[@RubyBlueUwU]

It’s probably easier to buy the golf, really

[@nickelback3360]

The DUP will make it happen

[@JamaicanCastle]

It's legal if you work in an embassy in Saudi Arabia.

[@Taylor_5724]

"with a hammer"

[@thedoctor4471]

THE BONE! 😂

[@VigneshBalasubramaniam]

5:00 James actually did this in his other show, "Man Lab". He made a short video in the style of classic British public service announcements, where a woman in the shower called the plumber to fix the hot water not working. And the "plumber" just showed up and fixed it lol.

[@An_Inconvenience]

Man lab is one of those programs that is just infinitely rewatchable. Like the skit of James and Simmy playing Russian roulette with beer cans and end up getting drunk on the fumes.

[@VigneshBalasubramaniam]

@@An_Inconvenience Definitely. I watch it a lot!

[@drunk_famasmf5135]

@@An_Inconvenience Man lab is one of the most manly and entertaining show ever

[@themanmrbijok7364]

“Mam, I do my own plumbing!”

[@dbclass4075]

Reference: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fXmnenyPhJ6UY68

[@thegentlemanpirate6844]

"What are you doing?" "Filling the caravan with petrol." "Why?" "So it'll explode when the car hits it." "Why would the caravan explode?" "Well, because I've filled it with petrol." Can't really argue with the Hamster here.

[@JetFalcon710]

"But caravans are made of plywood!"

[@zulous]

90 mile beach is called that because they measured it in the time it took horses to cross it, they forgot that horses are slower in sand and is why the actual distance is shorter

[@nickcrompton485]

No it was measured in km. 55 miles = 90 km

[@KevinKickChannel]

@@nickcrompton485 they probably measured it in kilometers, but then thought "90 kilometer beach" didn't sound very catchy, so they changed 'kilometer' to 'mile' while keeping the number at 90 because 'ninety' and 'mile' have a similar sound in the beginning and therefore sounds more catchy. I'm probably overthinking this lol but that would kinda make sense to me

[@marcusborderlands6177]

@@nickcrompton485 it's 88km long tho lol

[@crusty_]

@Esh that's an extra 2km of non-existent beach

[@justforever96]

If that isn't just something you just made up, it probably has more to do with making travel time measurements consistent. If people were used to thinking "okay, 200 mile journey, that is about 4 days" and planned accordingly, and if they used the beach as a highway (which they probably did, and still do in many places), it was more useful to give the distance in the miles it would _normally_ cover in the amount of time it actually took to travel the beach. Although since most people would learn to account for this very quickly anyway, I think it is more likely that they just meant it to mean "Really Long Beach"" and "Ninety Mile Beach" rolls off the tongue the easiest. OR, it was 90 miles from some inland point of importance, or even more likely, it starts 90 miles up the coast from the next most significant point.

[@c0hqn]

“Is by sawing their legs off, with a hammer” Ah yes, great hammer

[@thisemptyworm4677]

"it's nuclear."

[@Danse_Macabre_125]

it's Clarkson, everything that comes in contact with his genius instantly turns into a hammer

[@johnmulhern2833]

"Come On!!"

[@hardcore4090]

It just works

[@calcutt4]

Why didn't he use his shotgun? Much quicker

[@fuug1084]

5:01 i would watch the hell out of James May fixing a boiler for 15 odd minutes while the woman stands there confused

[@sugarnads]

Yup. Pythonesque

[@MorbiusTheTruth]

The amount of compilations you can create from their shows is incredible

[@CopiousDoinksLLC]

9:22 I love how perplexed James looks while he's saying this

[@zoinik20]

900 MILES AN HOUR!! IT HASN'T EVEN GOT A PAINT CHIP. 😂

[@benjaminburgi7519]

4:09 If you told me back then, that in the future this man would be running a farm xD

[@_Jofo_]

Judging by the genius of this mans gardening, im not surprised.

[@jackyc311_]

observe the genius of my gardening

[@TheRooster94]

1:00 Is this the only time in history that Jeremy Clarkson is questioning someone who wants to destroy a caravan?

[@decodolly1535]

Possibly, but I like to think it's more likely that he's questioning the waste of petrol.

[@Mustang150y]

6:32 is probably my all time favourite top gear clip

[@Nick-kz6dg]

"They have cEaSEd to eXiSt! Observe the genius of my gardening!"

[@mikeshearer1250]

They are EX-weeds!!

[@LMC7464]

The sheer amount of situations they get into despite just being a show about cars is amazing

[@drbrendanful]

And now with Tesla making cars with large casting machines, Jeremy has proven to be a genius.

[@themiddleground5263]

General Motors is OVER! 😂

[@Alexander_l322]

@@themiddleground5263 corgi is the future!

[@AverageAlien]

Tesla's are garbage

[@TheKorusuk]

@@AverageAlien Tell me you haven't driven a Tesla without telling me you haven’t driven a Tesla.

[@AverageAlien]

@@TheKorusuk Absolute trash cars

[@andrewgraham6755]

Observe the genius of my gardening 🤣🤣

[@OneBiasedOpinion]

5:02 is an amazing roast. I cannot believe this was aired, but I’m so thankful it was.

[@gaudam514]

“In Britain at least, it is currently against the law”

[@azer9237]

That labradog joke is brilliant. Reminds me of why everyone loves Jeremy. Sure he may have done some things that the media went crazy over, but he's a lovely guy with a simple sense of humour and loves animals too.

[@spikethompson2000]

3:40 I see Clarkson has picked up American gardening

[@bradleymeyer9775]

Their genius is so powerful, it creates electricity.

[@geethsan1567]

If Clarkson's genius creates gravity, the trio together has enough power to run the entire solar system

[@Lincolntowncoupe]

It has a presence

[@sirreginaldfishingtonxvii6149]

Some would even say it's... Almost frightening.

[@MadnessIncVP]

2:11 A Labradog. 3:06 *Holds up a saw.* _”With a hammer.”_ 3:34 - 3:40 *It’s worse.* 🤣 4:07 - 4:12 This man, is brilliant. 6:46 - 6:49 I’d... Have a similar reaction, to Richard... 😂

[@thefiestaguy8831]

"You take it to court and argue it with the jury"... except there wouldn't be a jury because speeding is dealt with by a magistrate at a magistrate court. The only way you'd get a jury is if you were charged with a serious enough driving offence, and was either referred to crown by the magistrate who felt their sentencing powers weren't sufficient (assuming the offence is triable either way) or if you pleaded not guilty, or committed an indictable only offence.

[@matthewrichardson9852]

what episode was that from?

[@shrimpflea]

Thanks James

[@christopherdean1326]

Apparently, you have the right to demand a jury trial instead of a magistrate.

[@thefiestaguy8831]

@@christopherdean1326 Not for speeding you don’t. Speeding is summary only. You can have trials in the magistrates court believe it or not, but there is no jury, and they use typically a DJ (district judge) or several magistrates. You are confusing jury trials with trials in a magistrates court. Trials in magistrates have no jury, but prosecution, defence counsel, court clerks, any specific witnesses, and either a district judge or several magistrates. Crown courts have trial by jury.

[@irrelevant_noob]

@@thefiestaguy8831 didn't you say "or if you pleaded not guilty"?! Why wouldn't one NOT plead that if they wanted to get a jury? ^^

[@Heisenberg_07]

Hmm yes this is big brain time

[@sambagogo777]

Clarkson: I will admit there are one or two things I need to address. May: Like the laws of physics, for example.

[@confused_hans6503]

The first clip is big brain

[@DPR178]

9:21 My favourite moment in this clip.

[@zathary564]

5:10 "Ma'am I do my own plumbing"

[@jackyc311_]

"and then you just fix it" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@mchmchminecraft1637]

4:40 Years later, he cook at Clarkson’s birthday and Clarkson was right about it

[@matthewwong3757]

3:04 SAWING their legs off....with A HAMMER

[@dietznutz1]

Ahhh yes the hammer famously sharp with its pointy blades

[@Jaronite]

James: Is that a hammer?

[@n1thecaptain965]

"I will admit, there are one or two things I need to address..." "The laws of physics, for example" "Yes, but I will find a way around them"

[@neon5162]

Seeing the gardening bit with the shotgun and then thinking about the Clarksons farm show

[@Fisajocat]

0:46 it's actually 88 kilometers long, but they decided to name it Ninety mile beach because Ninety kilometer beach just doesn't have the same ring to it

[@Schmuly]

I mean it's still not 90, I do get it though that makes alot more sense, pretty cool a beach is a road tbh

[@chapa435ify]

I can't belive the audience did Hammond like that 🤣🤣" 10feet "

[@shadowthesi]

Ok I have an idea to improve Jeremy’s anti-crashing system at 8:30ish. Use an electromagnet instead and have the car magnetize it when it is about to detect a crash, in addition to applying the brakes.

[@parkerjanelle7853]

I remember watching this episode when I was growing up and my little brother said that exact same thing. With modern technology that honestly wouldn’t be out of the question, maybe you’re on to something?

[@thilensavignon1999]

@@parkerjanelle7853 I think the amount of energy needed to power the magnet would require a huge battery onboard, but I can't be bothered to do the math rn

[@justforever96]

A.) Would that actually decrease the decceleration forces at all? You would still be abruptly stopping the car, with all those forces going into the cars structure. If they can't easily built a car that can withstand an actual collision, why would it be any easier to build one that can withstand the same force from a front mounted magnet? Not to mention the enormous 2,000lb magnet itself, as he mentioned. And the enormous power supply it would require, with the additional danger of high voltage cables. B.) What is to stop it from just shunting you off to the side into the traffic beside you or the wall, like happened to the toy car? How is that better? C. ) What do you do when you turn on the magent and it pulls all the traffic beside you into your car, or your car into the traffic beside you instead of the car ahead of you? ANYTHING metal within 20 feet is gong to be pulled into the magnet. D. ) It only works if BOTH cars have magnets activated. Otherwise it is going to just pull you into an even harder crash. AND it only works if your car has a negative magnet facing a negative magnet, or positive-positive. Say you put negatives into the front of all cars. Okay, it might sort of prevent frontal collisions, at the cost of driving around with a huge 2,000 lump on the front of your car, which might slightly effect handling. But it will be useless in rear collisions, which are like 90% of them. Or you go the extra step and make the car automatically select the correct polarity when it detects a crash, how does it know the difference between the rear of a car coming at it at high speed and the front of a car? In any case it is not worth the huge expense and increased complexity for the small potential benefit.

[@ahappycoder2925]

It would rip pacemakers and surgical implants out of people

[@user-rd3rf3ft8e]

Why not just add giant springs in front and back of the cars? That way they will push one another apart during the crash without the need for electric magnets.

[@polishavgeek1849]

The Skoda Roomster is so out of proportion I go cross-eyed when I see it!

[@automation7295]

It's also basically a Skoda Fabia with a MPV body, similarly to Ford Fusion is just a Fiesta with a hat.

[@TSR1989FF]

I admit: I'd love to see Corgi actually do a 1:1 scale car 😼

[@TheRobin53]

But some assembly required

[@dionysus6892]

Between pronouncing Iguana, a ant and labradog. Jeremy Clarkson is spreading Bri’ish English around the world

[@sugarnads]

The Royal Navy did that 200 years ago

[@RubyBlueUwU]

Jeremy Clarkson doesn’t speak English, he speaks Clarksonese. Easy mistake.

[@benanderson95]

10:10 "....and if you had a crash, the only crumple zone would be your face."

[@marckristensen946]

2:25 🤣"And what you're doing is making that up.." -"Yes, but it's making a point as well." Love Jeremy's logic haha. Not afraid to exaggerate in order to prove a point

[@prathamkataria7570]

These are all basically shower thoughts

[@BoGijsel]

I would actually like to see an attempt to full scale "model" cars

[@StofStuiver]

There is a reason why ants, fleas, and so on can fall from a high distance and walk away and a human, dog, elephant and so on cannot. As you increase size by 10, surface increases exponentially, so 100 and volume by ^3 power, so 1000. (and so also weight) If you consider that the toys metal is not much thinner than a real car, imagine having to scale that up *1000. So that small model car that hammond is holding is 1/40. If you also scale up the thickness of the metal hull to have the same effect, the models metal being 1mm thick, it would need to be 40cm thick, from the outside in. So youd be left with little room inside as also the structural components will need the same scaling up. Youd not be able to sit in it. And you wouldnt want to, bc your internal structure isnt suited to deal with the many g's impact and youd still die if it was dropped from the relative same height. But the 'car' would have similar damage as the model. Theres no tank with 40cm thick metal hull, or ship. Not even buildings. And its even worse than this. Edit: The more mass, the more kinetic energy. Since you are trying to make it stronger, as the model, you scale up thickness, but then you also scale up kinetic energy. Its beneficial to be small wrt all this.

[@VXGaming]

@@StofStuiver thank you James, I enjoyed my sleep.

[@StofStuiver]

@@VXGaming ;]

[@unclecreepy4185]

That was a very long winded way to say F=M•A But you also say for a car with 1/40 scale with 1mm thick metal would be 40cm thick. That’s 400x’s. It would just be 4cm thick. But the model cars are already scaled down, so scaling back up would just result in the same measurements of the original car. What Jeremey is basically saying is the 1/18 scale model Audi isn’t $3K, so why is the scaled up model $54K?

[@the_og_rubenmartin]

0:36 "Says the man in the Indesit" wtf😂😂

[@sukhdevr3489]

What does Indesit mean?

[@irrelevant_noob]

@@sukhdevr3489 it's a brand of washing machines... usually white, and not that much smaller than that car. ;-)

[@groggywater2006]

4:07 red dead redemption in a nutshell

[@stalincom]

7:26 "Backing from Captain Maths!" is a brilliantly underrated line

[@Lincolntowncoupe]

You forgot about "Time moved more slowly in the 80s. Because when you're 30, a year is a 30th of your life. When you're 50, it's a 50th of your life."

[@HunterEastvern]

That porn film bit always gets me 🤣🤣🤣

[@ArtyMars]

May says the cutest things out of nowhere completely out of context 🤣

[@richardendresz161]

Honestly the trio could join the Olympics considering how high the leaps in logic are with these people

[@RussianSpy4632]

“I will admit there are 1 or two things I need to address” “What, like the laws of physics for example?” “Yes but I will find a way around them don’t you worry”

[@johnmccrossan9376]

6:46 there is, it's called paying attention to the road. Of course we couldn't possibly expect that from people nowadays, after all they're only the future and the people we give licences to so you can see how we really need these computer wizardry thingys

[@benzzodude]

The first thing said by Clarkson in this video… who is he and what has he done with the real Clarkson?

[@draxxsklounst6595]

1:00 I almost expected to hear donny yell something in the distance

[@nunyabusinessmate420]

WHAT IN THE FUCK

[@BA-gn3qb]

Jeremy takes weeding gardens to a new level. 👍👍

[@lulkak2664]

2:48 I can't believe how both of them are able to keep a straight face, like they've given some serious PSA about public health

[@geethsan1567]

Lmao i love it when clarkson makes up some fake statistics to back his claims

[@Giek97]

8:15 just jeremy giving the idea to the producer of Fast 9 Kekw

[@aretnap3653]

7:25... "Backing from CaptainMaths!" 🤣😂😂🤣

[@THXziza]

0:29 "THAT is PURE Lancia Stratos" - I have never thought about it but he is right

[@thefrub]

1:14 I mean... the fuel gauge one could be true because it could be fuel sloshing over to the side of the tank that the pump is on. My car won't start with less than a quarter tank when facing downhill because the fuel pump is at the back of the tank

[@anonymousperson3153]

'Simpler way for not crashing.' Should have followed up with: Don't let Hammond drive it.

[@MotorTorq_ZA]

This show is iconic

[@noahduffin5492]

I genuinely believed Hammond at that roundabout when I first watched it. Magic fuel!

[@milesmansfield]

Me too!!!

[@justforever96]

You are not familiar with the concept of fuel level float sensors and the behavior of fluids, apparently. It used to be normal for many cars to read higher going up hill than downhill, because the sensor was in the rear of the tank, and all the fuel sloshed to the rear going up hill. It does mean (assuming the pickup is also there) that you won't run out as soon going uphill (which is a good way to engineer it), but it has zero effect on the total amount of fuel. In this case, the float is on one side of the tank. When you corner, all the fuel sloshes to that side, raising the level.

[@noahduffin5492]

@@justforever96 That's cool, I was 7 when I first saw this so unfamiliar might be a correct term to use. Does make sense though, nice explanation.

[@milesmansfield]

@@noahduffin5492 same situation here but I kinda figured it out on my own

[@JamaicanCastle]

I always thought his car was so worn out and rubbish that the needle itself was just sliding around freely with no relation to the sensor.

[@matthewheaton9700]

Look at the fuel prices at 2:16

[@Josh3sh]

7:24 was my favorite part

[@HeavenlyWarrior]

This is probably the funniest compilation of top gear so far lmao

[@rakshithbnarayan]

the greatest television show ever!

[@adawg6791]

Old top gear is one a the best shows ever made FACT

[@tonychan8558]

10:13 I have a similar logic thought,. A F1 car is designed to keep the driver alive after a 200mph crash. If that's true, logically, someone can drive a F1 car out of a plane, hit terminal velocity of 110-120mph, and not die on impact!..... Sometimes, my genius astounds me!

[@chrissosa3723]

Sir I would like to sponsor that genius

[@tonychan8558]

@@chrissosa3723 And I would take that sponsorship, sir!

[@guywhocantgrowabeard]

He'd have to fall head first though. Difficult to maintain that orientation while hurtling through a sea of air.

[@georgehill3087]

200 mph crash, but with how much time to slow down? If we are talking about coming to a dead stop instantly like hitting the ground, nobody's surviving that.

[@Thwack992]

Hang on I know this is wrong but I don’t know why. Someone please tell me how this isn’t right?

[@KSE828]

That bit about gardening with a shotgun is genius!

[@MediumRareOpinions]

Load shells with seeds and you can plant with it as well as do the weeding.

[@alecmagill5337]

2:12 or you could be like Clarkson and buy all three 💀

[@Jaasau]

This is the perfect video to show someone who wants to know what Top Gear is all about.

[@adim2427]

The equator joke is underrated

[@matthewdaub]

"we'd see a big dotted line" might be one of the best jokes in the whole show.

[@applejuice5272]

4:15 Didn't know Jeremy had shot a Norwegian Blue "It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed it to the perch it'd be pushing up the daisies! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, it's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!!"

[@Cyrax89721]

1:56 Everything about this is perfect. The pure absurdity of bringing all of those "pets" for the sole purpose of the 20 second bit. The way he says "ig-u-ana", "a ant", and "labradog". The silver necklace.

[@gedhoughton9523]

5:23 James has a brilliant point there!

[@margarethall7837]

Oh miss them a lot

[@lolno6975]

"like the laws of physics for example?" "I will find a way around them"

[@apophesi]

The Ant makes me 😂

[@vyrnmn]

I *always* laugh at the way clarkson says "A Ant"

[@metring073]

Superb Stratos observation by Clarkson on side glass of Roomster.

[@kaloyanerusalimov]

“Says the man in the Indesit” I laughed way too loud at that one 😅

[@supaG421]

The bit with the speed humps kills me everytime.

[@sdfilmproductions4193]

It kills you everytime?!😳.....Do you need an ambulance!?....how about I send round the ecnalubma?

[@supaG421]

@@sdfilmproductions4193 The ambulances never get here on time, because of the speed humps.

[@WolvieX23]

9:22 Oh James 😂

[@francomartinez9019]

these men have the combined logistics of a 5 year old on red bull

[@MrFluffytheTurtle]

Damn this one is really good

[@kalemdor1667]

That shot gun shell almost hitting him in the face 😂 always tilt

[@maccaplays6921]

OG Top Gear was so dam good I miss it aha

[@tomsterbg8130]

Technically a downscaled toy has less momentum so you have to divide it's scale by normal speed to get the real size of the impact.

[@sipp884]

All this tells the masses of the youtube comment section is that you’re secretly james may. Waste of text

[@xmbdesign7421]

But even if cars could survive an impact like that, the driver would be liquified anyway. Lol

[@tinktinkputra2316]

these nerd enjoying commedy the wrong way

[@irrelevant_noob]

@tomsterBG technically it's written "its scale" :-B

[@splosionman5557]

8:00 also if you were to crash, while the toy cars might be fine, the forces would be multiplied and so it would be like hitting a car without hitting the car. you would be thrown forward but you car wont get scratch.