World’s Longest Zucchini | Trump Kids Take the Stand | George Santos Survives Expulsion Attempt

[@Leonaza7]

Why are public school teachers held to a higher standard than Congress?

[@gamepapa1211]

Because public school teachers don't answer to lobbyists and corporate sponsors.

[@ricklichau9176]

School teachers aren't politicians!

[@Pyranders]

Why do I see you under every late show video, and why is your profile picture a woman who appears to be absolutely thrilled about being strangled?

[@thecraftycyborg9024]

Because they aren’t rich. The rich live by different rules.

[@TheRedStateBlue]

teachers aren't elected. its up to the voters to do their due diligence, not a hiring manager in human resources.

[@oldtimerman59]

The writers were on fire with this episode. All perfectly delivered by Mr Stephen Colbert. BRAVO !

[@Leonaza7]

When Mary trump said that doni Jr was the dumbest trump kid….Eric immediately demanded a recount.

[@socojuggalo2261]

That's funny!😅

[@jote7214]

😂😂😂

[@gamepapa1211]

And he immediately called Georgia demanding 11,000 more votes.

[@arhafrench5319]

They probably would have started slap-boxing each other before her comment fully registered

[@daiakunin]

Howdy there internet person!

[@RicoCosta317]

Colbert's monologue is the best thing on TV. His writers are superb and his timing and delivery are unmatched.

[@NJones-lb1ln]

I agree that Colbert is the best, and this was superb.

[@donapaulen8700]

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 Screw him. Zero class.

[@grumpybear42]

While I don't miss an episode, I have to disagree. Oliver has the best writers. Colbert has the better stage and delivery.

[@antoniograncino3506]

The Holy-cow ! Trinity of late-night comedian/social/political commentators is Colbert, Kimmel, and Oliver. All have something of their own to offer. But their job is easier these days : the Trump/Republican jokes write themselves

[@donapaulen8700]

@@antoniograncino3506 YOU and the current Democratic party are the ”joke” my friend. 🤐

[@laalaa99stl]

That Zucchini was gourd-jious!

[@cybercat29]

🤣🇨🇦

[@gamepapa1211]

Thank you

[@impunitythebagpuss]

Happy zucchini! Lol!

[@carlyar5281]

We grow them big in Ontario 🇨🇦😎

[@rebeccacamacho-sobczak4282]

Yes, it was!

[@rosalierogers1350]

I in Australia am also hoping for a lengthy jail term for Trump

[@BadWebDiver]

Same.

[@rexv5109]

Ditto

[@RachelCampbell-g5c]

Thank you. He is repellent.

[@NipplesOfDestiny]

hopefully as long as that zucchini amirite hahahahahahahahahaha my wife left me

[@athomewithjenny]

Thank you!! Lots of us are hoping that too. ❤❤

[@leapintothewild_original]

❤THANKS for the zucchini break - we freaking need something like that EVERY night! 🙏

[@1Kent]

The GOP wouldn't kick anyone out for lying, but telling the truth, well... Ask Liz Cheney how that goes.

[@sheilaboston7051]

But they didn't kick her out - she just didn't run again. However, they did make it intolerable for her. Have a feeling they might regret that down the track ...

[@muddro420]

@@sheilaboston7051They effectively kicked her out. Reelection was like charging an oncoming train.

[@anjaoldnettle2841]

Yes, and since Trump we heard just of masses of people stepping back, in the Health sector, everywhere. This is not the solution, it makes room for the evil. So Santos stays, none of The MAGA will ever step back, another sane Republican after Romney gives up. We should no longer call out Republicans, but call out MAGA.

[@hardcastle4419]

The democrats love Cheney because they are both are war mongers, real talk.

[@steveaustin2686]

@@sheilaboston7051 Cheney did run again, she was primaried by a GOP extremist.

[@Leonaza7]

No matter what Eric does, his father will never love him… it runs in the family…

[@3rdeye7thdimension]

Your comments are fire, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[@gamepapa1211]

Eric "Gums" Trump is still fighting hard for that hug he'll never get.

[@3rdeye7thdimension]

@@gamepapa1211 This becomes so much more of an American Horror Story when you realize Trump modeled himself over an idealized version of his *own* father, much like his own boys are. And the curse is passed on; a story that echoes hollow in hundreds of thousands of broken homes built on archaic and toxic intergenerational ideals.

[@rainydayjane8257]

Michael Cohen always says how Mr Trump despises Don Jr…..I didn’t realize he hated Eric as well.

[@3rdeye7thdimension]

@@rainydayjane8257 I mean, if they want to replay European royalty, why fucking interrupt their ass when they have guns at each other's throats?

[@merissaj4518]

You made CHCH's day, Stephen. Canadians love being mentioned on American shows.

[@sophierobinson2738]

We love most Canadians.😊

[@gamepapa1211]

When reached for comment over Junior's testimony, Trump responded: "I don't know him, I never met him, never seen him before in my life. Never had any dealings with him. Heard about him once or twice in passing. Heard he was a heroin addict. Never knew him. Never met him before in my life."

[@Tonyhouse1168]

And it was the truest thing he’s ever said

[@triciac1019]

I get my picture taken with a lot of people.

[@JeffMountainPicker]

He was channeling George Santos' mother? 😮

[@notenoughmonkeys]

The best part about Eric taking the stand was the Trump team objecting when he described his relationship to the defendant.

[@courtney-rw8ch]

Don Junior and Eric claiming complete ignorance is probably the right move because it is so believable.

[@concordep2504]

😅😅😅😅😅

[@missmarya747]

In the court of law . NO.

[@anjaoldnettle2841]

😂🤣

[@courtney-rw8ch]

@@missmarya747 ignorance, in a court of law is nothing new. Edit: what was your original point? Because there had to be something else?

[@courtney-rw8ch]

@@missmarya747 “ignorance of the law is ignorance of the law.“ - me

[@touncy1533]

trump for SUPERMAX... we all saw him LIVE during an actual presidential debate giving an order to a rouge paramilitary.. "stand back & stand by" .. case closed

[@bradleybrown8399]

*rogue

[@firstlast-gn5bo]

He also wanted the magnetometers removed on 1/6. The armed insurrectionists weren’t there to hurt HIM, he said.

[@RachelCampbell-g5c]

Maybe their faces will be Rouge when their clueless "leader" becomes a jailed, convicted felon

[@EricRoberts2112]

​@@bradleybrown8399they are red as well, technically, since they are Republicans lol

[@bradleybrown8399]

@@EricRoberts2112 yeah, I did think of that, but I was thinking more about the orange makeup he wears

[@catherinegallagher7632]

Lol, that's my hometown local television station! Thank you for the laugh

[@kigukaraoke6670]

Ah yes, CH being the leading news station for Ontario XD CTV and other news stations shake their heads :P still super weird to see our local news station on the late show loll

[@peforster6725]

3:34 - Canadians wants the orange blowfish in jail, too! ⚖🇨🇦

[@alex35agm]

Yeah,Trump might try to escape to Canada,if he knew where it was.

[@triciac1019]

Woo hoo!

[@hardcastle4419]

Black face Trudeau for prison.

[@freya8133]

​@@hardcastle4419Nope. As for black face, you MAGAts practice racism every day. Trudeau's was not meant to be racist, it was an error in judgement..

[@dr.velmasablan3611]

Stephen Colbert I have to tell you, first of all I'm so glad you are back, and second when I click on your show, I feel like I'm ready to go on a roller coaster ride, never sure where the coaster is going, but knowing it will take me to hilarious highs and lows! Love it.

[@hardcastle4419]

Colbert is a one trick pony, attack Trump.

[@donapaulen8700]

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@tempsitch5632]

You know you’re not talking directly to him, right ?

[@donapaulen8700]

@@SigFigNewton Obviously you are delusional.

[@djksfhakhaks]

When will his lawyers try to argue that the 14th amendment is unconstitutional😂😂😂😂😂

[@eustatic3832]

You joke, but segregationists have for a long time

[@djksfhakhaks]

@@eustatic3832 I'm not jokeing! I really think they are THAT stupid.

[@Ariamaki]

Between the zucchini piece and yesterday's cowboy boots, Stephen's really hitting the physical comedy beats this week. :V

[@starsabove8059]

Agree. Good monologues this week.

[@katherinekelly5380]

Actually, right now, most Canadians’ favourite pastime is also hoping Trump goes to jail ❣️ I mean, after zucchini’s, of course

[@alex35agm]

Trump kids take the stand.Why not they've taken everything else.

[@UkeCan1]

LecternGate Take 2 😂

[@PumaTwoU]

Actually Gov Sarah Huckabee Sanders took it first

[@AdrianColley]

I thought "are you just happy zucchini" was the pun of the day, and then Stephen hit us with "full frontal crudité".

[@LennoxMatt1]

As a Canadian I can assure you, hoping Trump goes to jail is also a pastime here

[@MuitoDaora]

All around the world 🌎

[@saltwaterjoyskelleyjoyce-f8114]

@@dawnw9850I think you mean crocs and chairs

[@lizannewhitlow1085]

🙏🏻

[@debbiedefiestheoddsdebm9604]

Canada is in trouble if Trump takes over. The world is in serious trouble if Trump gets in. Agreed, Canada is watching closely.

[@UAUSA-s3u]

lol

[@moonstoneway2694]

Trump at the wheel of a car with his co-conspirator passengers was a great (and horrifying) visual. It’s insane he is running for office again. All the other bits were hilarious, of course.

[@nancyjay790]

A photo mock up of the major co-conspirators made up of their mug shots? I found it weirdly entertaining.

[@michaelrmurphy2734]

Golf carts are more Trump's driving skill level.

[@223Drone]

If shameless liars like Santos can't be removed than it's safe to say that being openly corrupt must be a requirement to be a politician in the US.

[@danielgehring7437]

It's not really that surprising. We all saw the circus sideshow on multiple occasions when they tried to elect a Speaker. The GOP knows it has a tenuous hold on the House, at best, so they couldn't dare to get rid of one of their best toadies.

[@racookster]

Just a Republican one.

[@charlesmitchell9690]

if you really believed in innocence before guilty then you must remain neutral until a guilty verdict has been found. Asking congress to be a guilty verdict is actually unconstitutional it's a jury of your peers not foreign states looking at your seat as a way of tilting their ways and means of getting their self interest obtained. It's not an easy to decision for congress to make until you're found guilty of crimes misdemeanors that would effect issues. It's also possibly important to learn more by keeping your enemy close by your side and thinking hey I fit in they kept me here their my friend's vs let me see your phone who do you talk with how do you talk are you in a dress today?

[@Neddyhk]

The reason he survived - that trial in the Court of public opinion without an actual conviction is enough to justify expulsion - is a legitimate concern.

[@danielgehring7437]

@@charlesmitchell9690 It's not a trial, though. It's not about innocence or guilt, it's about maintaining the standards of Congress. Or, to use your analogy, just dump the control freak. And it _should_ have been a very, very easy decision.

[@user-ye1go6hw9r]

@ 4:00 *rump's tiny angry lil hands white-knuckled on the steering wheel.... that's gold, jerry! Gold!

[@jupitersmoon3033]

I’ve been waiting for someone to cover Trump’s case in Colorado! I’m so happy my state government is actually doing something regarding Trump’s reign of terror 🥲😂

[@courtneybrubaker9738]

He will appeal to the Supreme Court a S expect his three appointees to do his bidding.

[@danielgehring7437]

@@courtneybrubaker9738 Why should they, though? They got theirs.

[@donniesumling8549]

Damn, this trial has more spinoffs than Drag Race

[@hardcastle4419]

Meanwhile Biden is waging ww3 on the world.

[@tabularasa]

I'm glad for Colorado too!! Will be watching the case closely. If his lawyers have nothing but claiming that words don't have meaning, things aren't looking good for Trumpy

[@johnnyvh1188]

never knew a report about a zucchini could yield this much fun...🤣 Live and learn😂

[@1518bert]

Been waiting for this monologue since lunch 😂

[@oldgeezerproductions]

"Eric took the stand and claimed ignorance. He had to, he was under oath." I just love it !

[@shermanculbertson6244]

Trump’s kids have never been known for being the sharpest tools in the shed.

[@whocares9033]

... only for being tools

[@blackeyedsusan727]

I mean, how could they? Look at who their parents are! Same with the old man 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@freya8133]

Well, the jury is out on Tiffany and Barron. But it doesn't look good for them.

[@darrylelder8024]

What’ya mean?… they’re as sharp as a marble.

[@pamelacass9642]

What shed?

[@ArtisanJanelle]

Canadian here. I truly believe that having lighthearted fun like growing long zucchini is why we mostly like each other. Liking other people is the secret of being nice to other people! Fun + Other Humans = Better World. 😂 I mean, that's why we're all watching a comedian talk about upsetting things, right?

[@muddro420]

I think you're wrong about why we're watching, but right that the world would be a better place if we'd all learn to think about each other sometimes, and not just ourselves all the time.

[@betty-joymoreau4363]

True

[@Wveth]

I wish Canadians mostly liked each other, but after the ridiculous Freedom Convoy and all the anti-vax BS, our country is on the road to being just as dysfunctional and angry as the U.S. I really hope something pushes us in a different direction but right now it does not look good for the foreseeable future.

[@jnielsen90]

Very Canadian here and I certainly agree with that

[@catebrooks6779]

I love your world view!🎉🎉❤❤❤😊

[@davedee6745]

For those that wonder: Santos was not thrown out because the Republicans need every vote they can get.

[@beenaplumber8379]

Is that why so many Dems voted against his expulsion? Santos will be replaced by another Republican. That seat is safe.

[@pysvtfa4]

He wasn’t voted out because he has yet to be convicted of anything and the ethics committee hasn’t finished its investigation. Some folks didn’t want to set a precedent that they could start expelling members with neither of those two things having happened. Could you imagine what the likes of MTG and Jim Jordan would do with that?

[@amandarusson547]

​@@MyOutsideSocksThat district will probably never vote for a Republican again. It is a blue district. He only won because of his lies and illegal campaign financing.

[@annakingry9157]

All that matters is power. Not integrity, law keeping, honor, or even good sense. Certainly no consideration for the citizens he's supposed to represent or our nation that's going down the tubes.

[@beenaplumber8379]

@@pysvtfa4 Expulsion is not dependent on any finding of wrongdoing. That's why Santos has no right to defend himself. He's not accused of anything in the expulsion process, no crime, no ethics violation. It's just a vote to keep him or kick him out without any reason given, and he gets to vote on the expulsion too. Remember, every expelled member will be replaced by the voters in their district. Remember also that expulsion requires a 2/3 supermajority. MTG and Jim Jordan can't do anything without all Republicans and 1/3 of Dems going along. It's good that it's so difficult. My opinion is that it would have been better to wait for the ethics investigation, but voting before that was done is also likely a strategic decision.

[@Atom63-f3y]

Hey..the guy who grew the zucchini is a neighbour!!! 🇨🇦We are happy our stories are so entertaining …no hate , no violence, no guns🤷‍♀️

[@firstlast-gn5bo]

We’re with you on that!

[@jeannecrowley8383]

Thank you!!! It was a great segment!!! Enjoy your gigantic produce. 🥕🥒🫑🌻🌻🌻

[@LadyMoonsparrow]

Congratulations on his amazing produce! What an interesting neighbor to have. I agree with you on the happy story, it was fun and interesting.

[@angiebear8727]

Ty. It’s great to hear good as well as fun news for a change.Your neighbor has one heck of a green thumb!😊❤

[@angiebear8727]

Ty. It’s great to hear good as well as fun news for a change.Your neighbor has one heck of a green thumb!😊❤

[@sarahweston2794]

As a Canadian, watching Trumps trial is most amusing except we all hope he goes to jail in the end

[@steverogers2603]

Thanks. Just in case he is re-elected can you help me move to your country?

[@athomewithjenny]

I hope that too and I'm in the USA 😂😂

[@robinsnest7627]

I can cross the border in 3 hours if I need to. PNW. I’ll tell my son to step on it.

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

@@steverogers2603 I don't know what Paperwork, you would need, but, welcome aboard, eh.

[@Anuchan]

Stephen Colbert knows that the end of Trump is close. He had some of the best zingers tonight.

[@Tonyhouse1168]

🤞🏾

[@diatomicdoyen5282]

Yeah cuz he's a puppet just like you :)

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Dim Jr. claiming he’s an idiot is a very plausible excuse, but it won’t help him. (Ditto for Eric.)

[@Wildstar40]

Claiming to be ignorant AND being smug about it tells me he's not ignorant of his crimes at all.

[@missmarya747]

Not in the court of law. But with NAGA CULT YES , ABSOLUTELY 💯

[@leannevandekew1996]

Trump has faced so much civil lawsuit action that he's the honorary mayor of Sue City.

[@146agi122]

And Sue Falls, either will work🤣

[@unclebob6291]

@@146agi122 Name two cities in the State of Denial.

[@stefanthorpenberg887]

Since he play so much golf; Peggy Sue?

[@CliffPerkins-f6z]

And lives in Indian springs

[@rebeccaklages9783]

​@@146agi122Thank you! I wasn't the only one who thought this as soon as I read Sue City!

[@TheWheelchairGuy]

Shame on those politicians for not voting Santos out

[@gamepapa1211]

"Shame" was never part of a Republican's lexicon. And before you ask, neither were "integrity" and "self-awareness."

[@IronpenWorldbuilding]

Normally I’d agree, but it’s really, really bad precedent to just kick out a house member without even an ethics investigation let alone a guilty verdict. (No matter how guilty we know they are) Although I do know the republicans would totally take advantage of expelling house members if they had a much larger majority.

[@CourageKarnga]

Love, they don't know what that is.

[@bradleywalker8642]

​@@IronpenWorldbuildingIt's different when he's already been INDICTED on many charges!!

[@IronpenWorldbuilding]

@@bradleywalker8642 maybe it’s cope cause he survived but it’s the moral high ground

[@krisfrederick5001]

The writers completely deserved the raise. Worth every penny, and zucchini 😂

[@deetroitdario]

Subtle segue there...going from a giant vegetable to a family of oversized vegetables!

[@freya8133]

Whose brains are in a vegetative state.

[@meghanm05]

As a Canadian working in a news-related field, I quite literally lost my shit at the first story 😂 nailed it!!

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

I think ALL Canadians did. My first two thoughts were of "Arrogant Worms" & Rick Mercer. Yes, I AM Canadian, and probably fully aged myself..

[@NewMessage]

There's a better than good chance Santos has tried to pass himself off as the Burger King to get a free frosty at least once.

[@davidweyant9356]

Isn't the Frosty at Wendy's?

[@deetroitdario]

​@davidweyant9356 perhaps that was the point...

[@muddro420]

@@davidweyant9356take a moment and realize how beautifully crafted that burn is.

[@brandonlongbottom5747]

LOL as a Canadian, watching Steven talk about an 8 foot zucchin for almost four minutes is pretty darn Canadian

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

Yes. I wonder if 22 Minutes would have done a segment on that. Or, Rick Mercer.

[@carolakelleski7905]

StephenCobert I missed you so much. You are the 🔥🔥🔥🔥man. Thanks to you & your writers I can get away from the serious crap that is our govt for a life saving break. You are doing "gods"work🔥🔥💜😎 ...a merry heart...😂😂😂

[@lauram8504]

Yes, that is such a Canadian news segment, I love when our news has its silly wholesome bits. And we too love seeing Trumo edge closer and closer to prison

[@QUICKBOOKS1]

Right up there with Bowser & Blue!

[@jmckee5039]

And then George Santos called Colbert to claim his zucchini is much bigger.

[@robinhoward8805]

Canadians love you Stephen ❤

[@thealanwrencher]

That was a really well written monologue. Nice

[@khallo151]

I haven’t laughed this hard in awhile. Your writers deserve a raise. LOVED IT.

[@KittySnicker]

LOL the zucchini story was adorable and nutty. The kind of story we need right now!

[@michellewalters4484]

We all know why they didn't vote him out -- they need his vote.

[@courtneybrubaker9738]

They own him now.

[@Chris.Pontius]

You do know quite a few dems also voted for him to stay in power, right?

[@dinoflagella4185]

Holds majority of house… can’t expel their own member. This is an attempt to whip him into line.

[@steveaustin2686]

@@Chris.Pontius Because the only other people who were expelled from Congress had been convicted. Santos is indicted, but not convicted yet, so they didn't want to set the precedent of throwing someone out over allegations, per Jamie Raskin (D-MD). I can see his point, even though Santos is likely to be found guilty, he isn't convicted yet.

[@lastjob2011]

Let's not give the Republicans that much credit. They would keep him anyway. Santos is corrupt. They like that!

[@Pam-56]

The zucchini story was especially funny to me because I’m from St Catharines Ontario, just a 50 minute drive from Hamilton where CHCH is located and a 15 minute drive to Thorold where the zucchini was grown. In all honesty that is an Italian form of zucchini that grow long. They are very common in Italy.

[@danielgehring7437]

Yes, my friend grows them. They like having a booth at the farmer's market and 6' zucchinis are a good draw. They really do taste like nothing, though.

[@starsabove8059]

I wondered about that, because it looked like a type of long thin Italian zucchini that I see in the stores sometimes. The regular zucchinis can get very big too but then they're also fat. And they are dark green.

[@JeffMountainPicker]

Do you know of a band named Blackie and the Rodeo Kings? I think they are in that part of Ontario...

[@jackharrison7613]

this thread is getting folksy. In Bc we have zucchinis too, and use them for ratatouille

[@patriciamurfitt4590]

My sister is "landed" in St. Catherine's 😅 Hello from Indiana 💙

[@casbot71]

A number of democrats voted to keep Santos in, as a personal gift to the late night talk show host and also just to keep embarrassing the republican party.

[@josephhawthorne5097]

In fairness, several of those democrats raised the point that he has technically only been accused, not convicted, and the House Ethics Committee hasn't completed an investigation yet, and they didn't want to set the precedent of kicking people out over unproven accusations.

[@autumbreeze1129]

​@josephhawthorne5097 well, of course not. They're not Republicans

[@karllieck9064]

​@@josephhawthorne5097Oh whatever...

[@mrh-TO-Canada]

Dem. Rep. Jeff Jackson (NC) said he voted not to oust Santos so as not to set a precedent (just to be accused of malfeasance being enough to get you booted). He did encourage Santos to resign. He also pointed out that the Ethics Committee will report its findings in two weeks, and that will likely lead to Santos being removed anyway. Giving him due process. That's fair.

[@dubuque1]

Probably one of Stephens best monoloques.

[@dewimatthews6037]

'The kids are Alt-right' Your writers truly deserved that raise.

[@francescaa8331]

👍

[@ericsemple9297]

Bad Religion!

[@tanazinn8484]

👍

[@nikkireigns]

👍

[@milanb.6022]

Also a title of a Bad Religion song

[@Shatterverse]

You know they're grasping at straws when their _entire argument_ is based wholly on semantics.

[@danielgehring7437]

Remember when the alt right got all riled up because of Clinton's "depends on what your definition of 'is' is" line? Now they're using the exact same arguments, except even more pathetic.

[@QDWhite]

I agree, but hear me out: all of law is arguing about semantics.

[@jayluck8047]

As a Canadian, I can suggest he meant 8.33 feet. Which equates to the 8’4’’3’’’

[@RabblesTheBinx]

Um... a third of a foot is 4 inches, not 4.3 inches.

[@muddro420]

That seems most plausible to me. Metric is base 10, Imperial is base whatever-the-fucking-king-said-that-once. 8.33 in kg could be 8.33 kg, or it could be 8kg and 330 hg. I think I got that last bit right, but I doubt anyone talks like that even in Canada so maybe no one knows if I'm wrong. :)

[@mrh-TO-Canada]

But to be fair.. metric vs. imperial here is a mish-mash. Canadians still give their height and weight in imperial most of the time. Even the reporter in the story did. Weather seems to be all in metric. But fuel efficiency is in miles per gallon. Food packaging frequently has both. 🇨🇦

[@foreststewart1968]

"...mistrial by homonym!" I'm dying! Using the Atticus Finch voice to deliver the line is a nice touch.

[@NewMessage]

What can I say about my Homeland... we grow 'em big up here.

[@jeromesullivan4015]

Hmm, so, when you meet them they are Fruits, when you leave them, Vegetables? 😃sorry, couldn’t resist…

[@146agi122]

Canada is the second biggest country in the world, (Russia is first). We should be growing GIANT VEGETABLES AND GIANT FRUITS.

[@perryrodent]

„Is that a world record in your garden or you just happy zucchini?“ Dad joke level over 9000!

[@wizardoffrobozz]

TRUMP : "I'm a real-estate genius, but I didn't make any of the decisions. Everyone else did." Don Jr. : "Neither did I." Eric : "Neither did I." Ivanka: "I wasn't really involved."

[@muddro420]

I'm the best genius. As long as no one needs to know things.

[@arthuryong8562]

Actually, it's 'Jenius'.

[@davewatchedthat]

I wish the Maga crowd could follow the logic here…. If none of the Trump clan were involved in any of the decisions for anything, why are they paid for their services? And why would anyone need them for anything?

[@switchkittykarla2123]

You were smokn’ hot tonight Mr C! Kudos to your delivery and those writers!!❤😂

[@Snowbeard]

"He may be a crazy criminal, but compared to all the other criminals...he's fun!" Stephen was channeling Robin Williams when he said that.

[@colbertwatcher706]

and the zucchini jokes just keep coming!!! so stinkin funny. i had to watch it twice 😂

[@MrsRobinson0741]

George Santos is what they call…”comedy gold”!!!

[@aprilwoods7735]

🤣🤣🤣🤍❤️🤣🤣🇨🇦 I am Canadian and this is hilarious Stephen 🥒 Sending much love your way our friend 💙🤍

[@MrPhotodoc]

Now that was an exciting LONG story about the much neglected and unloved zucchini. I need a cigarette!

[@permiek]

Don't you mean .... a courgette

[@jdhuh1]

CHCH TV is a local news station for Southwestern Ontario. I can't believe they got features on the monologue. Awesome 👌 👏👏

[@tubruton]

It just keeps getting worse for George Santos. Next thing you know they will try to take back his Nobel prizes.

[@mariiamytrofanova9694]

How did you NOT use a pumpkin joke, transitioning from the zucchini story to Trump?!?!??😂

[@nancylane8092]

@mariiamytrofanova: Good point!!

[@Poecilia1963]

🤣 Finally a story out of my country I can be proud of 🍁

[@tabularasa]

The lying down on the floor bit really got me. That's a camera angle in the Ed Sullivan theater I don't think I've seen before! 😂

[@lovelyskull3483]

I love Canadian news.

[@thedel775]

That Zucchini bit was just 🤣

[@SpaceForceCommander]

The crew of the Enterprise NCC-1701-D knows very well what “engage” means when Captain Jean Luc Picard says it.

[@chrisandersen5635]

You mean that’s when Riker got on one knee and proposed to his Imzadi?

[@Columbiastargazer]

A genius doesn’t call himself a genius… a billionaire doesn’t call himself rich… but a traitor calls himself trump

[@bryanergau6682]

At this point, any human who backs a rapist/sexual assailant/multiple business failure/traitor/insurrectionist/asshole/liar......I mean.......just holy shit.

[@theresacorbell5261]

Oooo 😅

[@raymondtorres-gy8uj]

That's why he changed his name DARTH TRAITOR is the name...😂😂😂

[@annejeppesen160]

Being powerful is just like being a lady, if you have to tell people, you’re not! Paraphrased Margaret Thatcher

[@victormendoza871]

@@SigFigNewtonnot a good comparison the sarcasm is good but you should not make comments like that if you truly believe as you are making fun of god indirectly to make a point that has no weight behind it

[@michaeljamesthomas6811]

The zucchini bit was my favorite in a long time 😂

[@DrakonIL]

That moment with Stephen sitting on the floor and continuing the monologue felt so very personal and intimate.

[@BlueManIan]

Stephen doing his Trump impression again after so long is refreshing

[@hardcastle4419]

He is a one trick pony...

[@freya8133]

I agree.

[@freya8133]

​@@hardcastle4419So are Trump supporters.

[@hardcastle4419]

and Biden supporters.

[@charlesbarnes6912]

Zucchini world???? C'mon Jerasic Ghord😂😂😂😂

[@DarkLink18819]

I love how they think they can remove Biden from office when they can't even get George Santos out.

[@SJC49]

They don’t want Santos out - they need his vote.

[@superblump87]

They don't actually think they can remove Biden. They could remove Santos, but they don't want to.

[@AustinMichaelDearing]

I think Stephen should consider reporting on large fruits and vegetables from now on

[@Akindone53]

Well there is that fat orange and his two vegetables.

[@GizmoOnyett]

Those Trump lawyers sound like a kid who’s not done the work trying to create an essay from debating a dictionary! 😆

[@BadWebDiver]

Too true...

[@aBc-123-XyZ]

4:02 an actual clown car...😂✌️

[@jordach545]

Haha I'm from Hamilton Ontario and that is our local team. I see Taz Boga at the grocery store all the time. Funny when a bit hits home like this, literally.

[@nickborn2369]

omg chch from Hamilton as Canada's news leader is funny as hell

[@146agi122]

I may start watching CHCH TV station, I live an hour from HAMILTON in TORONTO. They do have more fun, small town stories.

[@lynnstlaurent6789]

I filmed a game show there over 30 years ago and during our lunch break we were gathered outside. The evening anchor Dan McLean arrived and another contestant screamed “It’s Dan Rather”. I still don’t know who I felt worse for.

[@davidcashin1894]

Never disappointed when I accidentally rewatch an old episode.

[@KittyCat22976]

Stephen laying on the floor was exactly what I needed Today 😂 I really miss when he would do “Big Questions With Even Bigger Stars” ❤

[@pmjohnston7987]

so, as a Canadian fan of your show, I watch Cdn National news here to keep up with Cdn current events, then I turn to The Late Show to catch up on what's going on with our next door neighbors. Did not expect to see giant zucchini here. This story did not make the news channel I watch. Glad you are also keeping me up on the talking points at the local grocery store. 🥒

[@octochan]

Stephen making fun of Trump's lawyers on their nonsensical definitions of 'insurrection' is an ad homonym attack.

[@deetroitdario]

Somehow, I doubt the judge will issue Stephen a gag order...😂

[@danielgehring7437]

Is... is that a debate argumentation pun? I think I love you.

[@martinedwards2004]

“ad homonym”? Hilarious! You win. 😂👏🥇

[@marfitagonzales7259]

Excelente

[@etienneporras7252]

I was expecting a Wallace and Grommet joke. Giant vegetables were the source of the problem there.

[@davidweyant9356]

Yes. I was disappointed.

[@Mustard1987]

The yanks wouldn't know who Wallace and Gromit is... which is very much their loss!

[@susanbengston3208]

@@Mustard1987We Know!! And Love Em!!💕

[@adirikihana4027]

That zucchini humour is the funniest thing ive seen in ages. Glad to have the writers back. You cant AI that shit

[@joniskibo5910]

LOVE Steve ❤️

[@bazzfromthebackground3696]

"mistrial by homonym" actually got me.

[@catherinewhite3508]

I burst out smirking!! 🤣

[@ChantalRussell]

As a Canadian, I’m not sure how to feel about 1/3 of this video being about a giant Ontarian zucchini.

[@morebirdsandroses]

Please! You gave us some much needed lightness of heart and I'll thank you from the bottom of my own❤❤❤

[@mrh-TO-Canada]

Proud. Very proud. 🇨🇦

[@sabinawoods5134]

You’re killing it with the jokes tonight. 😂😂😂😂

[@imsweetchaos]

To be fair, that third news clip was necessary for Steve to get off the floor.

[@fetmar]

Love seeing local news on Colbert.

[@patricialynn5852]

In Canada that zucchini is 244.96 centimetres 😂