Ari Shaffir - Chinese S**t Squat Toilet - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

When Ari Shaffir went to China, he had some digestive issues but found it hard to relieve himself because of China's difficult bathroom situation.
Watch full episodes of This Is Not Happening now: www.cc.com/shows/this-is-not-h...
Follow Ari Shaffir on Twitter: / arishaffir
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[@legomypancakes]

did he just intro himself

[@ehcmier]

He intros all the guests, so it's an easy joke in the context that he pretends he's another guest.

[@shiestysean]

legomypancakes I asked myself that too like Df?!

[@dylanmccallister6739]

Hi I'm your host Ari Shaffir, and PLEASE WELCOME THE DOPEST DUDE TO WALK EARTH ARI SHAFFIR! Basically what he did

[@shawn55648]

Is there anyone better to do so?

[@paulieheydrich9772]

@@shawn55648 could of picked Joe Smo from the crowd

[@monkeseeaction21987]

I'm a Chinese and I laughed my ass off. Ever since a child I've had trouble with those toilets. I've only successfully shitted in one of those once in my life. Yeah. Bathrooms in USA are every day blessings.

[@mister_manager]

you gotta check out Japanese toilets, it's like they're from the future

[@gino-tx2we]

As someone who has shit in the woods on multiple occasions, the trick is to lean foreword as far as possible. You have to have your ass sticking out as far as possible. Also pants down to the ankle.

[@rebeccalong1577]

Martin Ma , Has anyone ever fallen into the hole? or is it not big enough for that?

[@monkeseeaction21987]

The hole is small. You can't fall in it but your foot definitely can. Don't fuckin ask me how I know that.

[@Cletus23FTW]

Martin Ma went to China and whenever I tried I got a lot a hurting Pain in my diaphragm ish

[@thecampfire4877]

The genius & irony of a joke about no one telling jokes about the Chinese Government, while telling jokes about the Chinese Government, is amazing!

[@bobbyrosken]

The Campfire nothing’s funnier than a joke explained

[@tightirl]

@TheCampfire a far cry from genius or amazing. The orders were regarding his time in China, not forever...Also he wasn't even telling a joke he was merely giving contextual setup for a story. @Joe mama better than "literally".

[@drunkcommenter3385]

Joe mama ur personality is amazing

[@TheV3la]

The Campfire that was the point

[@khadeejataylor2475]

Did anyone else notice that Ari has a habit of putting invisible hair behind his ear lol

[@ETAisNOW]

His dna thinks he still has Jew curls

[@Voodooblue89]

Guess his hair got in his face at 2:10 and he had to put it back behind his ear.

[@LoopSeek3r]

Will Radcliff he used to have long hair probably habit

[@JSG-mw4qr]

Sweat

[@Smokewheatt]

And then 3 more times after that

[@KaminaUzui]

He did that a lot haha

[@thinblacknoodles]

🤣🤣

[@marciocoelho2481]

I was in China last year and went through a similar experience. They have western toilets in the hotels, but I was doing some work in a shipyard and had to use their restrooms twice. Dreadful experience with the squatting thing. It was winter, below zero and the restroom was not heated, so I had to remove the padded overalls I was wearing completely, plus my underwear. After squatting for ten minutes in the freezing cold, my legs hurt so much I couldnt stand up and almost fell back into the damn thing. Horrible experience.

[@dhabinuisance3643]

Marcio Coelho that’s so gross! Your overalls touched the shit hole

[@chrispomes5425]

Lol I have to go to china now..I need to experience this 😂😂😂

[@jjcoola998]

I live somewhere it gets very cold and have worked outside in the winter , so reading this gave me nightmares

[@dannygreen5477]

Plus the chance of catching something, splash-back.. We've had plumbing for the last few hundred years.. There is no excuse to not have a toilet and plumbing.

[@MrRevolverkiller]

Horrible Experience One Star, would not recommend

[@Nalopotato]

He looks like a James Bond villain

[@tjentiji6022]

He looks like Robert Deniro in Taxi Driver

[@richardpatterson401]

@@tjentiji6022 fax

[@schaftd01]

Looks like he spikes drinks

[@BenJustSaid]

I thought he looked like a 2.0 version of Seinfield.

[@timboslice8559]

schaftd01 Bert kreicher

[@negativeindustrial]

You don't know what fucked up is until you've experienced a rural Chinese truck stop bathroom. Ari is spot on

[@ashleyhyatt6319]

I don't think the USA is #1 with toilets. Here in Japan, my toilet has a heated seat, deodorizer spray button, warm massage-jet butt cleaner, and dryer button. Mine is the average model.

[@TheKromusDevice]

Dude! I've seen pictures of those Japanese toilets with just straight up control panels of crazy shit they can do to your ass!

[@sugeknight3003]

True but there like kids sized toilets idk Hiroshima fucked your growth up

[@BOMEFSY]

He is right, can confirm, been to japan..

[@ys1072]

@@BOMEFSY Not a lot, Korea do have some, but definitely don't have a lot.

[@seanwilks7712]

Ashley Hyatt why do you have a american IP address?

[@globalklaus]

Took the transsibiric railroad to China, from Moscow. Let me tell you - that 7 day trip prepares you in both the best and the worst of ways for what's to come once you arrive in China. They also have the squat hole on the train. But with the added difficulty level of hanging on for dear life while taking a shit in the curves. There's a handlebar to hang on to. So you sit like a ski jump guy, propelling uncontrollably down the ski jump. Trying to hit an impossibly small hole beneath you, that leads directly out to the rails. Lemme tell you. When I finally made it to Beijing and went to their public bathrooms, I was like "huh. The holes are perfectly still here. Almost too easy. Like a walk in the park, this"

[@kingpotato7183]

I imagine that there is a lot of shit on the rails leading from Moscow to China and vice versa

[@nomadben]

@@kingpotato7183 Yeah, like god damn, how can that be sustainable haha

[@Satanthony]

Globalklaus does the hole open up to the train tracks?

[@gisellegradvohl7654]

Amazing description! Thank you for your words of an artist 💕💋

[@beautrue4680]

I have always wanted to do that journey as well. I just won't eat anything for a week or two. Avoid the whole shitting into a whole in the ground.

[@UniteForgetLeftRight]

Pooping in a squatted position is how we are actually designed to poop. Having said that I will choose a western toilet every time.

[@charlieparkeris]

Ari jokes about standing on his western toilet at home to mimic the squat toilet, that is legitimately how I've been using the toilet for 10 years now. I can't even think of sitting to go now, it's just not the correct way. Squatting to go cures hemorrhoids among other benefits.

[@UniteForgetLeftRight]

@@charlieparkeris I bet they make squat toilet seat adapters for western toilets.

[@janedoe-hq9vn]

Get a "squatty-potty" . Device that goes around the front of the toilet, so you can put your feet up on it, and be at a better angle to poop...feels pretty good actually...

[@negativeindustrial]

@@janedoe-hq9vn 🤣

[@burkywilson6189]

Not at 55 years old it isn't!!! LOL!

[@qualitytimeentertainment]

The girl behind him is BAKED AF. lol

[@_blackheartemoji_2189]

I just noticed LMAO

[@MadamFoogie]

You haven't lived until you've had to take an emergency shit in a kitty litter box.

[@markgigiel2722]

When I was in my late teens partying with my friends. They gave me feenamint gum laxative and told me they were chiclets gum. I shit on my neighbors front lawn because I couldn't make it to anywhere else..

[@veghead05]

😂😭😭😭😂 oh god the visuals...

[@alfprysen4513]

I have a weird non consistent habit, it is to shit from tall places and see my shit splash 😜

[@alfprysen4513]

@Phantom Alpha lmfao!

[@alyeska4226]

@@alfprysen4513 oh no

[@dickheadrecs]

his suit is fkn killer

[@brody231]

Lmao

[@scorpman97]

"Taking the Bacon" YES

[@Tzadeck]

For the record, you should keep your pants above you knees. A lot of newbies just take off their pants when they can't figure that out.

[@amfinc2]

It would have been hilarious if he said: "So I took one pant leg off...." Ari, if you're reading this, you can have that one for free. :)

[@allnighter453]

lived here for almost 3 years now, still take off one pants leg....i can not hit that deep squat without aiming at my pants in some way =/ better to just not risk it xD

[@panavhulsurkar1260]

I squat and shit with pants all the way to my ankles. Sometimes on toilets in the US just so I remind myself of where I came from. Needs a lot of balance, though.

[@GinaJonesStillettoQueen]

Tzadeck I would've just took mine off. I'm a female so we mostly wear dresses or light pants anyway lol

[@debbiebledsoe3206]

^^ Protip!

[@anniebot8930]

Tip when in china: use the disabled stalls 🤣

[@cantsolvesudokus]

Watching this as you sit on a toilet makes you appreciate the little things in life

[@SemanticZen]

I can't believe he did that joke about the Chinese government

[@MarioSanchez-wh1bp]

What joke?? Did i missi it??

[@Flipindabird23]

He walks a very fine line. Over there looking like a pinhead from the circus; trying to start WWlll

[@oogatz1917]

@Wicked Alf I mean that could be the joke but I'm pretty sure the joke was he was making a joke about not doing a joke about the Chinese government

[@derriklangworthy4188]

Its very meta

[@jacepleasnet5101]

oh and the imperial city, thought that was a joke about the gov as well

[@dubbydub9245]

I asked a friend living in China, "What's life like living there?" He said he can't complain.

[@komfykoala6083]

Lool

[@emusunlimited]

Can't imagine why he'd say that

[@ashleyclark5567]

🤣🤣🤣

[@arcangelmaaze7804]

Orders from Chinese government

[@richardsanchez9190]

Well yeah otherwise he goes in for re-education

[@justblais21]

Ari has gotten a lot funnier

[@disturbedone8731]

Michael Blais You mean he was funny?

[@zachgreening7757]

@@shaneikaberryman10 hate to break it to you but shaneika don't live here no mo and do we care helll no (probably will have to look that one up for context sweetie)

[@Moneyman-33]

Shaneika Williams Oh LAWD

[@cloudysky7430]

“How far do you take your pants off?” Idk but I feel like all the way and putting them like three feet away is probably safe.

[@mtlmenace8590]

knowing them chines theres probably piss n shit all over

[@sazji]

Cloudy Sky Down to right below your knees. :-)

[@richardhead2281]

6:35 --brushes hair over ear-- However, there is no hair...

[@804god]

great eye

[@catttttt]

He did it at 2:10 too, someone else said he used to have long hair and that it's probably just a habit because of that

[@s4iL_]

as chinese, this is very accurate

[@Mars_junior]

I'm guessing you're not in mainland china?

[@s4iL_]

i grew up in the usa, but travel to hong kong every year. Ive been doing so since i was 7. a lot of times i went to china, and boy oh boy do i prefer hong kong and other eastern asian countries (japan, korea).

[@elikold7107]

china is gross

[@HH-jk8hi]

The world is gross : )

[@s4iL_]

Scar taking a shit and a shower doesnt sound too bad. like boosting productivity

[@carlosr.martintoledo1224]

going to see Ari this week at the Comedy Cellar, so pumped! this story is so good

[@muhammadrosewood5978]

isn't squat shiting like that actually better for you? I remember hearing that somewhere.

[@demitrisolvinski]

Experts claim that the squatting position is more natural and can help avoid colon disease, constipation, hemorrhoids, pelvic floor issues and similar ailments. The more you know!

[@FlorenceFox]

Eeeeeeh, the actual benefit is debatable. It may help, but... probably not a WHOLE lot.

[@demitrisolvinski]

It straightens out the sphincter and relieves upward pressure on the rectum meaning it does help. How much? Who cares! It helps.

[@partykrew666]

i bought one of those squatty things that go under your toilet to get you into position and i'll say it doesn't do that much. but for some reason i can't not use it now.

[@KaizokuKevin]

adrian wood something about the low squat is supposed to help with constipation because of something it does with your muscles

[@a.s.h.5774]

He's such a great comedian! His are usually my favorite of these

[@francescosenatore3504]

"Hole in the ground toilet" is called "bagno alla turca" in Italy which it translates to "Turkish bathroom".

[@eraldylli]

You find it in Italy not often, but you do find. Especially in the south. You will probably find it in eastern European countries too.

[@eraldylli]

Haha, that's the life.

[@JohnDoe-hr8gb]

thats my fetish ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@giampaolomannucci8281]

Scar that's really handy for cleaning the toilet, not for taking a shower :D

[@fheedpexx9267]

I've seen a lot of those, but the weirdest one was in a Spanish football stadium. They had "hole in the ground" toilets - on the second floor! Like what the hell, they actually brought dirt up the stairs, placed it on the concrete and then dug a hole in it? I don't even understand how it worked. Was it connected to anything? Or did they just let everything evaporate over time? On the second floor, in a "modern" stadium? Must have been way easier just to install normal toilets.

[@krizzyshow6638]

i love ari. theres nobody like him...i wish he still had the show. id buy it back if i could

[@goldsteinism]

facts

[@lalog811]

Some would say this is stand-up comedy but id beg to differ, This IS Squat down comedy

[@royythaboi7163]

I failed at this joke attempt

[@duro5020]

I saw his show in suzhou, China. Loved it!

[@HitmakerSamMC]

Just gotta say i love these shows. Great stories Funny as hell!!! Hope it keeps going.

[@215whysoserious]

watching this while shitting on my toilet...

[@zyourzgrandzmaz]

V why are you shitting for so long?

[@LazyKingAus]

A Ghost. Aye man it just happens

[@gorgeousgeorge187]

Same

[@hayberdasher8625]

You're supposed to shit into the toilet, not on it

[@maxperez6760]

LOL SAME RN

[@Opine_Divine]

This made me laugh so god damn hard. This is one of Ari's best bits.

[@zacharybennett3249]

Best set I've seen all week! Ari's the man!

[@Tiffany-schliebe]

Ari you are Amazing (specially cleaned up). Blessings Brother

[@dann5396]

I couldn't stop watching the chick right behind Ari lose her shit for the whole story. Too funny

[@chelseacolson796]

Shitting in China must do wonders for you quads. No wonder why Chun Li has the biggest thighs in gaming.

[@satan6169]

Chelsea Colson yes

[@JASONZx6R]

Chun li must eat a lot of Mexican food then .

[@maverickh9]

Man this one had me crying. Fantastic.

[@MitchGriff709]

I've seen alot of stand-up sets and this is definitely one of the best ones I've ever seen. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@digitalbots]

This room is miced perfectly

[@dexontape]

Savage drinking game: Drink every time Ari shakes his head

[@ademzettl5655]

Or tells a poop joke

[@PoppaCap69]

Or says the word "shit"

[@samuelgarrettbrown1]

hey so I tried this with the last 5 minutes of the video and I threw up

[@EnjoyerofYoutube]

ari is getting better and better. hilarious story.

[@danmanrubberband]

This might be the single best sketch ever from begining to end

[@StatPlayer2301]

Am I trippin, or did I hear Rogan's laugh in the crowd? I wouldn't be surprised, but still lol

[@GeronimoJackson]

Timestamp or it didn’t happen

[@Dave-qw1ts]

"Taking the bacon" Talk about comedy skill. Like a sneaky hot sauce; it slowly creeps on you, then you get it.

[@rageagainstmyhairline5574]

Hands down Ari's best story on TINH. Brilliantly done.

[@Shawn-ne6ld]

Just discovered ari last night and he is awesome. 💯💯💯🇺🇸

[@temujinartem2375]

Japan and Korea have amazing toilets that are heated. I came back from japan and jumped when I sat on my cold as toilet.

[@fullysuited]

LOL

[@JHeartsJ]

Most korean toilets are not heated lol. Japan is way far ahead of korea on that. Only department stores and some big companies. I would say when I got herein 2008 you had a 50/50 chance of getting a squat toilet while out. Old buildings still mostly have squat toilets. But bc of the Winter Olympics a lot of places got updated so now it's more like 70/30 regular toilet to squat toilet.

[@JustOrgil]

I thought he was gonna sneeze and then immediately walk away at then end xD

[@InfiniteRhombus]

hes right though, I had the same experience in china, I wasn't smoking but another person in our group was and he was like "cops dont know what it smells or even looks like, they literally just think you're smoking a huge cigarette" and he was right, nobody said or did anything, it was great

[@monitorlizard9971]

im binging some ari for the first time. Every video I always think hes not going to be funny midway through his stories. but his jokes always ramp up and finally near the very very end its hysterical and im legitimately holding back from laughing too much. and ive already heard this from podcasts but this version of the story forced laughter out of me I didnt think I had tonight. XD

[@koumori7177]

I remember one time I was staying in a hotel in Beijing with a chick and didn't want to shit in the hotel room we were staying in so I went to the lobby restroom and I was looking through the stalls to only find squat toilets and finally I saw the last stall and was the happiest from seeing a regular toilet and shat like a patriot. Atleast Japan has both lol.

[@kezaiaholeary4433]

Next time you visit china find thr disabled toilets

[@jimpickens4]

@@kezaiaholeary4433 All the 'toilet's in China are disabled.

[@jayblazin6082]

Johnny Batz holy shit I went through that same situation. I ended up finding a toilet in some random Chinese doctors office, was so glad to see it

[@janedoe-hq9vn]

"Like a patriot" 🤣🤣🤣👍

[@patrickinjapan7317]

It seems to be about a 60/40 split here in Japan, western style toilets to hole in the ground style toilets.

[@jordanturner3009]

I’m sad that the “or taking the bacon” line didn’t get a laugh.

[@erinkelly3103]

Jordan Turner right !! I literally couldn’t believe he said it 😂😂

[@ericpreston5826]

@Mitchel Eckman if you look at a hand dryer again, the diagram looks like bacon strips

[@AlkalineGamingHD]

The way Ari introduced himself and then did a tone swap before 'taking the stage' was funny

[@TheStoicApe]

I loved ari as the host of this is not happening..

[@travisastone]

Spent 2 months in China the bathrooms are terrifying.....i have never smelt something so bad in my life, you can feel the stink on your skin........ The one place we stayed had the shower directly above the hole to shit in with no seat cover either.???Still worth a visit tho just be prepared. Also if you are a foreigner you will have your photo taken by tourists for some unknown reasons Chinese tourists love taking selfies with tourists. Also they don't know what no smoking signs are cause we found one on the bottom of a ash tray in our hotel and lastly they like to sell weird themed playing cards found a deck of cards that theme was and i kid you not Osama bin Laden with pictures of him on the cards, the 9 of hearts is a picture of 9/11?? so yes i bought them obviously still what the fuck China?? still if you like traveling its deferentially worth the visit despite being the weirdest place iv been.

[@kingpotato7183]

I finally get it, China is like what will happen if aliens found trinkets about our society and would have to make sense in their own way about what those trinkets are

[@ltr4300]

My elderly parents went to China for a month a few years back. My mom said of all the Chinese phrases she learned before going, she was most glad to have learned "Where is the closest Western-style bathroom?"

[@zachgreening7757]

@ashley hyatt voila

[@veghead05]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@jules11788]

Ari's pants are so baggy, that he looks like he was a part of the 2003 NBA draft class

[@joshuathixton9881]

Ari is one of my favorite comics I have recently heard , from an aspiring comic , I can credit TINH for sparking the flame 😁😁😁

[@n00bm0nkey8]

Best squat down comedian ive seen in a year!

[@reyrey689]

comedy central:uncensored also comedy central:chinese S***t squat toilet gg

[@pvtsh1tbag491]

He is wearing a custom suit. I've been in the suit industry.

[@ryanbotha7256]

This is one of my top 2 favourites 🤣 the other one from Dan Soder was also amazing!

[@charlesswift5616]

Love the intro's about as much as all the stories.

[@laceybonner7534]

Living in Korea for a year, you run into those squat toilets every once and a while and definitely this story had me crying i was laughing so hard 😂😂😂

[@MichaelFrancisRay]

That was some of the best ari shaffir ive ever fucking seen.

[@ivargas220iv]

I watched a bunch of these and swear to God this is the only one that cracks me up the most. I laughed so hard at this

[@storytimewithunclebill1998]

I just laughed so hard. When you got to go, you will figure it out. Was fun to watch. Great video

[@rafaeljensen8973]

this man is undoubtedly one of the funniest comedians of all time. major props, fucking priceless

[@Smorgasvord]

Rafael Jensen ehh idk about all that.

[@EyeHeytEwe]

I've never cringed at a joke before this. Thanks for sharing, Ari.🤣

[@madmo_1148]

love ari

[@familia9558]

I love this guy

[@javichino6371]

Where I was there was no door or an entire wall between holes on the bathroom in China and I was 3 months there, so you are really lucky ^^

[@KennyMcCormick99]

Ari is a GREAT Stand-Up/Story teller... While most comedians are just good at either or, he can do both really well!! (Both Bert K. & Tom Segura are also great at it!)

[@ddgliveswell3639]

Hilariously! First time I’ve you do your act. I’ll be watching many more!

[@abcdefghijklmnop2492]

i love you man, you're hella funny

[@TheAlpineShepherdBoy]

Just an FYI for anyone going to China, they do offer toilet paper but you have to buy it beforehand. Dirty trick.

[@MarioSanchez-wh1bp]

Its like that in mexico too.

[@muhahill3566]

i think it's hilarious how he keeps trying to put his fingers through hair that isn't there

[@chriska1296]

Had to use one in Singapore Airport inbetween 2 12 hour flights. Took an embarrassing shit and than got out of the stall where I realised that every other stall in that restroom had a normal toilet.

[@christopherlawyer4214]

I lived and taught in South Korea for a year. It's even more fun to use one of those in the middle of winter when you've been drinking.

[@mikeyo1O1]

I don't see what there is to complain about, I laughed my ass off. I spent a month in Vietnam though, so I can relate. In VN there was zero paper, but handheld ass squirters were actually pretty nice when you got used to them.

[@spettit2011]

mikeyo1O1 The bum gun!

[@siddheshgandhi7668]

They are hands down the best (unless you get one with a limp squirt of water). You can control the intensity, flow, angle of approach. That is what we have in India mostly, at least in urban areas coupled with seat toilets. I feel like no other country would leave me satisfied when it comes to shitting. The thought of toilet paper gives me nightmares!

[@MediHusky]

Squatting makes more sense. It always seemed troublesome while standing.

[@joemommasvids]

Yeee, best intro so far.

[@CarlosMunoz-eh1wg]

Great story Ari 🧻

[@michaelpaulsen8447]

1.Ari killed this bit, great delivery and a good story, and I'm generally not a huge fan of his stand up, but this was good. 2. He fkin rocked that Mohawk, too bad years of wearing a yamaka led to premature balding. 3. Why was the union guy holding a stool like a cell phone when he was going to install a toilet?

[@michaelpaulsen8447]

And you know that hole in the ground looked like a Nicole Simpson scene, just a pile of shit covered with coagulated anal blood

[@Sunset553]

*yarmulke

[@jefff4625]

KILLLLLEEEEDDDDDD ITTTTTTTTT

[@evananthony4506]

Why is Ari dressed like he's on his way to audition for Peaky Blinders? 😂

[@marcalvarez4890]

Ari....This is the best bit you've ever done. POW....lol

[@africanlegs]

Damn this was funny

[@thiccboi7963]

Local African no shit. heh. Get it? Year late but hey

[@lexis8367]

I've lived in China for the past 9 years and this was hilarious cuz it's ALLL true. Never look in the trash can!

[@gilbertnicholas1582]

this is a very useful video for travelers

[@wock6496]

"Or taking the bacon" I'M CRIPPLED LMFAO 😂😂😂😂

[@taylorgoetz7604]

beggin strips

[@broncas]

They should warn you before you enter the country. Same thing happened to me.

[@Unz360]

I predicted the Drake reference at the end.. cookie now

[@T25de]

spot on

[@ti84calculator24]

My aunt went to China last year, and I remember her talking about these, so I already knew what he was talking about, but it was still hilarious

[@wenhong5852]

It's weird to see someone talking shit about squat toilet, cause when I first came to America, I really don't wanna use the public restrooms where you have to seat bareass on the seat. And America restrooms don't have the trash cans to put garbage in, like that's gonna need a lot of water per flush to get it down and is very easy to get stuck. Really good jokes though, just exactly the opposite of my experience

[@kingphilo8355]

Toliet covers and u probably shit in a lot of pants

[@janedoe-hq9vn]

Piss a hard stream (guys) into the loaf..it'll help break it up..then proceed to flush...

[@CEJRAID]

God damn. This is hysterical. I was dying. Nothing like an awful shit story

[@markgigiel2722]

The shit mold for a retainer floored me.

[@chikyushimbun781]

Brilliant!