Ari Shaffir Fights a Girl - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

During a high school trip to Israel, Ari Shaffir finds out the real reason why he should never hit a woman.
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[@TeetoPlastic]

I like how they censored the girl's name the first time but not the second.

[@alkaz3608]

Barba Ro literally seconds after censoring the name out he repeats the name with no censor

[@DissociatedWomenIncorporated]

Yeah that really threw me. Well done censors, great job there.

[@sickid41]

I Facebooked the name it took me awhile to find her. After I found her I told her about the video. She did not care.

[@cbellify9628]

sickid41 is living the dream

[@khaalidawale3525]

yo you talked to her lmao

[@therichrules]

I finally found Waldo!

[@Tallestdwarf]

Isn't everyone ex military in Israel?

[@jaymur001]

+Taylor Holder If they're actually Israeli... then yes.

[@JulianAndStuff]

+Taylor Holder yeah it's mandatory

[@tituscaesar6960]

Yeah, I always thought it was an interesting system.

[@jp3mcpherson]

Taylor Holder - for 4 years I think.

[@plokijuh5830]

2 years for men. And if it's anything like the Swiss military service, heaps of people avoid it.

[@ZZZZZ_________________]

‘You can’t hit a women’ ‘Why is that a rule? What if they deserve it?’ ‘They’ll deserve it all the time’ I lost it😂🤣

[@jv-lk7bc]

"theres no reason to hit a woman" just ask Bill

[@IgotaFew]

What an awesome way to start the new season. I watched it alone and laughed out loud frequently. Great stories Ari!

[@xLilPuddinTater]

everytime i look at this dude i feel like hes missing a yamaka. i know hes jewish but ive never seen someone look like they need a yamaka as much as this dude

[@anonymouskrys]

xLilPuddinTater 😂😂😂 I couldn't pinpoint it when I first started watching these, but YES. That's exactly what it is

[@spwie60]

yarmulke**

[@TrainLechoo]

yamaha***

[@fredfinks]

yakmilk**

[@fredfinks]

*throws law bomb*

[@blaisutube]

good job on continuing this series

[@dylan8550]

I really need to stop reading the youtube comments.

[@bert3163]

L. Ron Hoyabembe So of course my dumb ass scrolls down like “What’s he talking about?” OMG. You’re 💯 right.

[@andrewwong8104]

I need to too, sometimes I feed into the dumb shit

[@rageagainstmyhairline5574]

It actually makes you sick sometimes. I'm no snowflake sjw but, Jesus, man.

[@The_dude94]

@@andrewwong8104 we all feed into the dumb shit sometimes. No worries bro!

[@SpaceCadetLaC]

Right somtimes i find myself typing negative stuff to poeple and im like wtf am i doing then i dicard the comment and that feels way better

[@joethompson5673]

Ari...your funny as hell man....one of my favorite....love how you have created a forum for us to just laugh at reality

[@picklerickrickpickle]

Joe rogan taught me if a girl hits you its not ok to hit her but it is ok to choke her out because its doesnt cause brain damage.

[@danielboom759]

john pratt 😂

[@musebaer]

@@UWGNick even worse stuff could happen if you choke too long

[@heatherloves5264]

If you choke me out we are fucking when I wake up

[@mamasrescue1212]

IJustStep lol you don’t have to worry about that one buddy

[@wolfrayne8355]

@@juice6199 calm down bruh, some people like pain. it's ok.

[@wisdumb16]

Season 2! Best thing that CC has ever green-lighted! Thank you Ari!

[@crussteasock4047]

"Lighted"

[@ZekeNasty01]

Ari has some of the most vivid funny stories ever 🤣😂

[@reibadatsche]

Funny enough I also had the most embarassing fight also abroad, when I went for a high school year to Houston. There was this guy who always tried to make fun of me, because I´m german. On that particalur occasion he said something like: "Did you shit your Lederhosen again." To my defense: I was 15 and a foreigner in a very strange foreign country and also quite homesick at that moment. Long story short: I pushed that black dude out of his wheelchair. Didn´t make things easier for me.

[@cam1834]

He was a minority and cripple. Hate to see it

[@jobivuvuvfvi605]

Yeah because the german didnt have a bad enough wrap eh?

[@cm4953]

@@cam1834 isn’t this from 21 jump street or something 😂

[@tarynmosakowski3512]

@@cam1834 black ppl are the majority. I wish everyone would stop acting like there's more whites than blacks still bc it's just not true. And soon, whites will also be outnumbered by Hispanics. It's close now....

[@MrMatt713]

so apparently ari whole life is a 'this is not happening' series of events

[@Madmagnus]

i love this seasons opening sequence. badass!

[@storytimewithunclebill1998]

Oh man, Ari had me rolling. That back hand had to hurt. Was fun to watch. Great video

[@Marc0427]

Great story man! Love these shows. That combat training really paid off.

[@SlashManEXE]

I lost it at the Terminator part

[@ciscoramirez6967]

MAKE MORE EPISODES PLSSSS and ari should do more stories

[@MurZatile]

That first line gets me every time😭😭

[@terrorinc4850]

He the most Jewish looking Jew I have ever seen

[@teiganr8159]

"Who eats like that?!" Lmao

[@mehulgoel7960]

Such a perfect performance, so so prefect.

[@ForTheCulturePodcast1]

I LOVE YOU GUYS, YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME HAPPY

[@DezTheQween]

Does anyone know what the track is that’s playing on the intro? I need it ASAP

[@michaelcrane4056]

Why do I feel like Ari is the type of dude that would lose a fight with a girl?

[@soulfly3438]

you clearly are brand new to ari shaffir.

[@jesseolson3142]

He only fights girls or Bobby Lee

[@ac3d657]

cause he's a beta you blind?

[@dustinolvey8877]

@@jesseolson3142 Same thing

[@Baboonery_]

love Ari and this was released on my birthday! Thanks, dude ... indirectly

[@GarroshX]

Love this.

[@roacharound3909]

I had to look away when he was doing that biting gesture. I can't imagine how much that must have hurt that poor girl.

[@jimgritty7064]

Meat flaps.

[@evantrim5209]

stfu

[@amylee3531]

People shouldnt watch Comedians tell stories if they dont know truth vs a comical spin on a story.

[@RubysWrath]

Rewatched. He meant the hair to be clear not the meat. He was yanking out hair with his bare teeth

[@gangstalker9]

Jews are rich

[@lolimfalling]

I wish this show had its own channel. I love this is not happening but it always seems days go by before i notice a new one has been uploaded, they get lost in all the other content uploaded to the comedy central channel

[@MikeHunt3636]

I was at the taping. Been waiting for this shit!!

[@crussteasock4047]

You've been waiting to hear the same thing u were present for?

[@evesokolsky8281]

Great story!

[@h8fulsl8]

i was super wasted and fought the maple tree in my friend's yard. it won....really, really bad.

[@ruggedwalrus1553]

This is 4 years late, but i once fought a chair wasted and ended up pinned by it.

[@saucetcg2506]

hate that they show a clip before the vid starts. ruins part of the joke

[@oKryme101o]

Love these!!!! Please comedy central, keep this going!!!!!! #deathsquad

[@greglarson4253]

He was worried about her hand but he touching that pole on stage 😂

[@oKBERGo]

ill never forget in 5th grade i threw a kickball from 2nd to the plate and it drilled the chick running home soooo hard in the face. OUT. best throw of my life. she cried but it was awesome. had that "lord guide my hand feeling". bitch'll never steal home again as long as she lives...

[@gerardwhytelads]

Corey Karlberg Hahahahahahaha

[@dokidoki777]

r/thathappened

[@conspiracybear1564]

I hit a Dodge ball off of two heads hurt both the kids both out it was dope grade 7

[@ricksanchez1149]

Was in 9th grade, saw my friend walking across the gym *sees ball on ground, hurls ball at friends face* The math teacher walks up to my friend just in time to get fucking smoked in the face with an extra large tennis ball. I've never run so fast in my meaningless existence up until that point.

[@kurlykayla9013]

Why is this a good thing?

[@whylogicalthinking]

Omg that voice. It's like 70 yrd gay man who ate cigarettes his whole live.

[@danieleriksson5728]

The Court Of Public Opinion that’s a tall man.

[@doeyjiaz4798]

THIS ENORMOUS GAY MAN WILL DEVOUR US ALL!!

[@papa-pandamonium3265]

I honestly think this is the best one out if all if em

[@gregwilliams724]

i love these!!!

[@HiroProtaganist]

"No one eats like that" Pretend its a bowl of ice cream that you're trying to eat with no spoon and there's an eternal cherry at the very top of the bowl that you keep trying to get at with your tongue but you just can't.

[@beniverson3777]

why did they beep the first use of her last name but not the 2nd

[@jdpoel]

Ben Iverson noticed that too lol. oops!

[@BeyondSideshow]

So do you know who she is now?

[@DrTelecasterPhD]

Awesome episode!!! I guess it is too late for best fight stories?

[@carlosr.martintoledo1224]

Ari absolutely killed this bit! fing histerical

[@Godsfavouriteidiot_]

You eat ice cream like that

[@maharajahdann]

exactly

[@ralestrom2369]

anyone remember him as "The Amazing Racist"?

[@csajklasklsfa]

I never knew that was him. those videos were ridiculous

[@Deep_Dish]

Those videos were fucking hilarious, dude had to get punched once or twice! What dedication to ur comedy!!

[@lseul8812]

Bring it back!

[@terryfuldsgaming7995]

Rale Strom so good when he took a load of illegals to immigrations. Lol

[@Moneyman-33]

G.I. Geno Hate to be the party pooper but those were all skits.

[@anokajdm53]

yesss good stuff

[@GeorgeKizzle93]

deathsquad expanding it's influence. powerful.

[@sh0rtaznant]

wtf 2013??? I never knew of these.

[@JohnMaksuta]

hahaha. oh man when he said "Oh, they'll deserve it" oh man so funny

[@crussteasock4047]

It was

[@DarthExuro]

Yessss Im so glad these are back. Cant wait for Joe Rogans.

[@shikoh69]

yes sweet this is back

[@JuliaHonles]

Pudding XD

[@leoncolliersellstampa]

A baby pit bull hahaha

[@Windwond]

I love these guys

[@catherinej6420]

I LOVE Ari Shaffir!!!!!!

[@CoolZone419]

Love these videos. You guys need to get Chris D'elia on this

[@TEAMGETHELP]

He's fucking lame.

[@romegottie3218]

Man that was stupid funny I don’t know how the crowd was so quiet

[@charmaine1775]

Please put Ari in a action movie. He's Soo great.

[@urbanreaper21]

Ari is a beast

[@kbcoch]

I was drunk at UMD and for some reason decided I wanted to fight someone because I had only been in one other fight in my life. I didn't want to be an asshole so I asked random people at McDonalds if they wanted to fight and one guy said "Sure but I just ordered." So we waited for the food, sat down talked and ate for like 20 mins, then went behind some student housing and he beat the shit out of me. We exchanged phone numbers and had a friendly goodbye.

[@rossmartin9054]

Crazy story but you really should not fight anymore. Brain injuries are njoke

[@kbcoch]

Or because I'm a shit fighter lol

[@arithegreat]

Hilarious! I went to Maryland, too.

[@kbcoch]

Ari Shaffir do you have any shows in the area anytime soon? I'd like to come to one of your stand up shows.

[@landry665]

lol

[@boomerdelonge7658]

So uncensored to comedy central means "only censored sometimes"?

[@cmmmmmmmw]

+boomer delonge They're taking about profanity. In this video they beep out a person's name for legal reasons. Although they missed it the second time, so I'm not sure what the point is.

[@novaofthenorth]

Yeah you cant slander people or whatever. They bleeped out her last name but he didnt say the last name the second time lol

[@irishmud]

U kinda cute wtf

[@patchworkundead4787]

@@novaofthenorth yes he definitely did.

[@jaysonisgreat]

@@irishmud well what's up little mama

[@xdoctor420x]

Funniest ive seen Ari HAHAHAHAH hilarious

[@Orelion]

Can't wait to here Rogan's story!

[@1234kingconan]

takes a lot of courage to tell a story like that

[@DOYLERULES69X]

I'd never fight a man he says, yet in an another video there are details of how he fought Bobby Lee. I wonder if Bobby Lee has seen this, and if he died a little on the inside.

[@micxploed]

that back hand got me good.

[@Adirondack13]

I was thinking the same thing. These are getting more and more fun to watch, one of Rogan's stories would put it over the top.

[@Dough709]

HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THESE!?!?!?!?!?!

[@zeevyehuda2501]

About kibbutzim?

[@xboxliveguy1000]

Ze'ev Yehuda HAHAHAHAHA

[@paulreeves8594]

Doug Halleran HGHehEH gO to trUtHcOntesTcOM< REad tHE PrESent

[@Phil.Anthropy]

what kind of shank you need yo?

[@jp3mcpherson]

I have one question. Is his sister hot? It matters.

[@nomadben]

Definitely changes it

[@montinyek6554]

@@louispconstant6624 this shit made me howl with laughter loool

[@joesteele2584]

louis p constant lmao half the people on pornhub would prolly answer yes to that given all the goddamn fake family porn nowadays 😂😂

[@TheArizonawolf]

Shallow creep

Hmm. A compelling query. Ass hand vs hot.

[@TheMrmagoo1]

Who's got the intro song to these vids?

[@maxgunna1691]

This guy is the real Napoleon Dynamite 😅

[@eliagamiz1320]

I hope the last anecdote wasn't true. Tha's gonna give me nightmares

[@arishaffir402]

Why can't I reply to comments or vote them up or see the comments people are replying to any more? God dammit, Google, fix your bugs before you update.

[@_cloudface_]

Because you hit the womens?

[@chanrider]

Shave you shlep, you look like jewbacca. Thanks for putting Mencia on blast, I fucking knew he was recycling other comics material but couldn't place it.

[@johnkuntis5367]

I've been getting the same thing recently. Obviously it worked this time, but it's rare. I thought it was because i've watched a lot of anti Zionist videos, but I guess not ;)

[@StationOfTerrapin]

fuck youtubes comment system

[@xypc8582]

Nice impersonation... trolololol

[@robertkelly3357]

oh man, hysterical!

[@kingcollie]

My god thats a fugging BRILLIANT opening! Really down, cheers Ari!

[@toolguyslayer1]

Why do Jewish people always hold up the West Side gang sign when they talk LOL

[@jessecanines3340]

"They had these 9 ft rims...so Jews could feel like winners" Love me some Ari.

[@bradceplina]

Ari and Dave playing ball together would be THEEEE BEST

[@jennig7024]

I'm laughing unapologetically & hysterically. So wrong and so real.

[@danpizzini342]

first Ari always has something outrageous and hilarious

[@infamous5789]

I fought a skinny Russian guy that hit light a freight train in freshman year at school. everyone saw it. I punched him so hard that he stopped and then someone yelled teacher. so we both ran to class. the next day the principals pulled us in and we refused to tell on eachother. and we became friends afterwards. and no one got in trouble. he bought me a soda the next day at lunch.

[@snakey934Snakeybakey]

we she WAS in the IDF soooo... yeah, whada you expect?

[@capthook1]

Top notch

[@seanwieland9763]

4:15 they beep out her name earlier and then he repeats it here. 😅

[@drumsleuth]

This guy is funny as hell.

[@jlgotabigmac]

Just goes to show what entitled individuals act, and feel like. If someone like him ever treated me that way, personally I would punch them in the mouth.... Then get sued and lose due to the individuals monetary value, and again that entitlement.

[@amylee3531]

I have zero respect for anyone that sues people over ridiculous shit. People are out of control with it

[@tory_hb7274]

What school did you go to? My school is like that too.

[@aleenayoung7856]

Had to been the best story he had on here

[@Exigentable]

ARI SHAFFIR IS A COMEDIC DEITY. ALL HAIL.

[@kevinkinsella4006]

"I never hit a woman again... for about 4 years" - lost it.

[@user-jx2gw4cn2j]

I pitched for UT Chattanooga and the Rome Braves and I had a fastball in the mid 90s and one of the funniest things I remember is playing dodgeball in high school and there was this big chunky kid standing in the back not paying attention and I threw the ball at someone else but he moved at i remember just hearing the ball whistle and just flat lined his ass. It felt bad but it was so fucking funny.

[@Ryattt81]

One of the best fights I've ever seen as far as brutality was 3 girls on 1. We were at my friend Chris' house...all about 15, we'd taken the early beach bus home and a friend named Danielle wanted to go to the park that we got dropped off at to catch this girl coming on the later bus who supposedly hit on her at the beach. They ran up to her shouting "you lesbian bitch", one girl Rachel didn't do much but was involved. It ended with Missy straddling the poor lone girl saying "look at me and I won't hit you" the girl looked up, head on the ground, and Missy just drilled this poor girls face straight on. She ended up with short term memory loss. I don't want to tell all the details but we all left quietly, knowing that this had gone too far. I also, as a result of being sent to stand out in the hall, witnessed a girl named Kelly beat another girl named Melissa with a locker lock, and ended up fracturing her skull, all over a body suit. I was frozen in silence. I had no idea what to do. Ladies are brutal...I had a friend named Joy who was a bad bitch, saw her hit a girl in the head with a hammer...damn...thx for bringing this all back with the request at the end Ari...I'm gonna have fucking nightmares

[@BTokinn]

Trevor Moore is one of the first names they show, and hes only told one story over two years ago....

[@cold-lifestyleprepper3080]

I like how you guys say it's uncensored and yet you bleep it at 9:34, I wanna know what part of lisa you were gonna see lol

[@arithegreat]

Thanks!

[@jquiznos2283]

Came here looking for Kobe comments.

[@THELIZMARH]

I guess its time to eat.

[@alejandraw.476]

Omg 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 the baby pitbull story 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@richardshepard7475]

The bleep the girls name out the first time but not the second lol

[@dloistheman]

i once had to fight off a kid in highschool that had down-syndrome, he punched my friend in the back, and as a joke i said pick on someone your own size. which to him meant i wanted to fight him, i grabbed his arms by the wrist and he was really strong, it felt like ten minutes, but none of my friends helped diffuse the situation, so i felt like i had two choices, knock out a kid with ds or get knocked out luckily it never came to that or my highschool career would have been a lot different