Too Much, Too Soon Ruins Your Chance to Get to Know Someone

[@imperialchalice]

I just love being on this channel. You never miss ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Savvynomad225]

People are addicted to the honeymoon phase and dating apps are exploiting this addiction.

[@dymoure]

I’m 25. I deleted my dating apps about a year and a half ago, and I’ve already had several better dating experiences. Putting yourself out there while working on yourself is so much better than pretending you are. Even Hinge, which is probably the best dating app, makes it as hard as possible to find the perfect person they find for you. Anything that makes you pay doesn’t really care about love. But the good news is YOU have the power to care about love whenever you’re out there with potential matches. :)

[@okitasan]

And people conflate the elevated feelings of the honeymoon phase and an initial spark" for being "love." What I've learned is that a spark is probably one of the worst indicators of real compatibility. It may take time to discover whether a person is truly right or wrong for you, and more often than not we aren't willing to give people the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. When a dating app offers a dopamine hit and the promise of "someone even better may be one swipe away", too many choose to bounce at the first sign of discomfort.

[@ijustneedmyself]

​@@okitasan I've been unwillingly thrust back into single life as a widow after being with my husband for 17 years. We got together when I was 22 and he was 24 after meeting on MySpace (‼️). A million thoughts flood my brain regularly including the fact that at some point I'll want to reenter the dating scene. It's daunting and sounds horrific based on everything I see and hear. I hope that whenever I'm ready I'll find someone organically.

[@melissasmuse]

💯 yes!!

[@fremmer007]

Well said. Ppl don't want to spend time getting to know someone anymore. They want the fix.

[@Mel-wq9wu]

Remember, folks, there's no condom for the human heart. Thank you all for all the likes 💖

[@javireyes7333]

I learned it thé hard way 😢

[@Thehealthycreative_]

Hahaha

[@mysteradio]

a latex shirt might be worth a try

[@chay516]

Haha

[@jessik8660]

Dating is so hard because as a woman you'll meet plenty of men who only want you for your body or who want to use you. I've had a man invite me to his home before we even have a first date, of course I didn't go. It's rare to find a true gentleman who isn't eager to jump your pants soon as he meets you. Where have all the gentleman went ?

[@dr.faustus9024]

There are men who want to jump your pants and those who dont. Of the first group there are those who are a bit smarter and have more self control and those we call 'gentlemen'. They just take a little more time to get into your pants. Love may or may not follow after the pants are off.

[@AlvinKazu]

It's the same for men. We men see women who want $500 first dates, wont entertain anything that isn't an expensive dinner date, and wont even put out on the first date... Meanwhile they will go back and call another guy to hook up with instead. The thing is, the current society has dating as a transaction. 'I' as the Man am spending MY MONEY AND TIME on 'you,' so you as a woman are expected to put out.... Unless of course you, as a woman. 1. Pay for your meal and be a "modern adult." 2. Make a meal for us and we find a nice place to enjoy the meal, as a "Traditional Woman" would do. ------------------- So my question to you is, do you(and other women) still expect a "Gentleman" (as you put it) to pay for your meal while you don't put out? Do you also COMMUNICATE what you want clearly? The problem with the modern world is people do not communicate properly at all, most of the time because people are scared of "offending" the other person. you said a man invited you to his home before you even went out on a date, and that is fine because he clearly expressed his intent to you, and you said no. That's a perfectly fine intereaction. What wouldn't be fine is a man paying for a dinner date, expecting it to happen, and then nothing happen because there was no communication. It could be his fault too, assumptions aren't good either. But you would then be expected to pay for your own meal. A man shouldn't have to pay for your meal then. That's the transaction. ------------------- I want a traditional woman, I hate modern dating and I don't want to have to pay for a woman's meal. A woman needs to show me her cooking skills, I don't want a woman who doesn't pride herself on her cooking. Old Traditional women prided themselves on their cooking and wouldn't want to go out to eat where someone else is feeding their family... That's an insult. ---------------------- and finally, the thing that really upsets many men is that you say "`where are all the men who don't want us to put out" meanwhile... How many men did you put out for on the first date? Men are expected to "hold off," but you already gave that chance to other guys. Then this man is supposed to become your husband? The man you made to wait? It's complete disrespect to that man, while women look at it as "he loves me enough to wait." Men look at it as "She clearly doesn't love me enough if she was able to put out right away for other guys, but made me wait."

[@jackdeniston59]

Do you have anything more to offer a man? That is where we have gone. Women are yawning chasms of want and burden, and offer..........almost nothing.

[@Augfordpdoggie]

I would love for a woman to use me for my body

[@AlvinKazu]

@@jackdeniston59Be careful... You'll be called a misogynist for your factual thoughts... I said I wanted a woman/wife who knows how to cook and the reply I got... oh boy... ` Modern people don't really know about dating and what is truly required for a relationship.

[@dvash6231]

7:30 - it's not a bad person to not commit to someone you've been dating for a couple weeks, or to break it off, it is normal 9:33 - people are attracted to you and you are attracted to people but it only goes so far and that's how it works, that's how every person is 10:04 - having a way to stay grounded in reality that you are getting to know someone 10:29 - what you're getting to know is, are they going to become into you, are they going to stay into you, are they good people, how do they react under stress 12:00 - emotional guardrails 12:37 - the SECRET!!! to dating 14:50 - you get to own decisions you made in a dating scenario, and you get to change your mind about how you want to do it in the future, but you don't get to blame the other person for not feeling you 15:00 - no one knows how they will feel about a person, that is why they date 15:38 - it's not fair to blame another person for not protecting our boundaries when we didn't 16:44 - there's no certainty in dating, engagement, marriage. You have to stay with yourself and ask, "How can I use my best judgment and only go forward when I have the information I need?" 19:40 - Don't be friends (in the sense of continuing to hang out, aka hang on, after a breakup)!!!

[@Kellendras1]

He sounded like a good guy. He was honest and sometimes you think you might be in to someone and then it changes. It's no ones fault.

[@marciesalkowski8139]

exactly what happened for me

[@deannastands5141]

I've met someone who likes me for who I am. He's quirky, keeps me thinking young, and we've been enjoying our friendship for ten months and there's no rush for physical intimacy. The emotional intimacy is astounding to me as I've never delved into so many personal topics honestly and openly with another person, not even my best friends, people who've known since my early adult years. I trust this person and knows he trusts me. He seeks me out in a crowd, sits near or within sight of me, brings me small gifts, remembers details of my life that I've shared so briefly that I had forgotten that I even shared that detail, and shows his good and bad sides to me. He tells me when he needs space to recharge and I tell him when I need alone time. We're good with that as we understand what we each need. Will we eventually be more than what we are now? IDK, IDC, I love this guy right now. We're not promised tomorrow.

[@SaraAlessa277]

How precious that is.

[@Portia620]

My ex remembered details but he was a narc. Not sure I’ll ever trust and it hurts to try and keep loosing faith in men. I’m just a sexy body to them. Nothing more it seems. I like depth as anyone can have good sx that’s just communication but true intimacy and love needs to be with the chemistry and hopefully builds that if not their in bigginign

[@Eserr7856]

Sounds like the poor guy is stuck in the friendzone😅 he's doing everything a good man is supposed to do except any physical intimacy

[@alexterieur8813]

beautiful ! which i experienced love that way

[@morris2450]

It's a friendship not a relationship without physical intimacy.

[@vivisimonvi]

"when you sleep with someone your body makes a promise whether you do or not" - Vanilla Sky

[@3lfruler]

Especially having trauma from childhood and being an adult with unhealed wounds one of the worst things we can do is be intimate with people sexually very quickly. For a long time I would use sex as getting to know someone and bonding. Most of the time it was people that we had not confirmed being together yet. Then I would get heartbroken because they weren't interested in anything further. Going on 6 months of abstaining from sex and it's one of the best decisions I made in my life. Anxiety and depression are down A LOT and I'm really getting time to focus and heal. So grateful for this channel. crappy childhood fairy you played a big part in helping me see from different perspectives.. thank you ❤️

[@ZekitaCampbell]

Yes, me too. I been doing some reflecting because I know I deserve better

[@akferren1]

Yes! I’m 5 years without sex or dating and I’m not sure I’ll ever go back

[@sassymango9369]

❤

[@katayna_girl8468]

@@akferren1sounds like a living hell 😂

[@unluckyomens370]

Honestly i might just go with a no sex ever policy. For reference I dont really enjoy sex like at all but im also not disgusted by it. Its a little awkward. Since im not disgusted by it ill usually be upfront about not liking it but being fine whenever and then once it happens once i feel like its just such a frequent request and it gets a little overwhelming and very draining especially since during sex im in like hyperfocus stretching my brain thin mode to make sure everythings alright

[@cheryldailing1294]

I've learned the hard way that there's no better way to ruin any relationship than to rush things

[@alexterieur8813]

i really need to integrate that but it’s very hard for me to take things slowly.

[@flower_7890]

Me too😢

[@letsthinkbriefly3761]

You can actually rush things when you the meet the right person. To do that you need to become a person of depth, retrospective mind and self-aware. Add to that a couple of vales and principles. That's it you began to filter people that does not have your values very easily and start to connect with the right person. Someone that has the value you seek. That's how you meet your soulmate and connects immediately. And that's the situation whe you can rush it if you want. So first thing be a person of depth,

[@carolnahigian9518]

rushing is Doomsday to Developing Long Term LOVE

[@NikkiEdmunds]

I’m totally with you on your opinion. I’ve learned firsthand that it’s not the thing to do it took me way too many years to learn that nothing ruins things than engaging in this too soon.

[@terryhutchings7701]

Please know, it is not only younger men who are using dating apps as a form of a call girl service, it is the 50, 60 and yes, even 70 year old crowd too. They don’t even want to wait until the third date. They want sex the FIRST date and literally become angry if you don’t. The sense of entitlement they have is just shocking. As a widow now for 11 years, I’ve given up on dating and haven’t dated anyone now for over a year. Frankly, I would rather be alone than put up with that pressure and nonsense.

[@malibunyc7259]

What's worse is I know plenty of women who have sex with men right away, like after meeting for drinks or coffee. Men it seems they do not even like or are attracted to, but are auditioning for the role of GF, wife, SO etc because they are so lost without having a man, any man, in their life. The level of desperation is very sad. I don't understand this mentality.

[@las9582]

There entitled because so many women engage in that behavior.

[@Portia620]

Carry and conceal ladies! Sick world out there and even if baby flirting a classy guy would NEVEr push boundaries!

[@Portia620]

@@las9582sad threads and they don’t learn and still do it!

[@marcusschmaling9]

I grieve the broken state of masculinity. We are so sexualized. So objectifying of the feminine. So afraid of real lasting intimacy. We need help. But our culture is so sexualizing, and it’s both genders participating in that.

[@Electra9797]

I need to tattoo the title of this video on the inside of my eyelids 😅

[@richardfrank4647]

That’s funny me too,

[@HOAexposed]

😆😆😆

[@lindabondperry]

😂

[@Portia620]

Self love must be solid. Stop!

[@ellerfitz]

😂😂😂

[@MomtoAutism]

Been single no dating 10-12 years. I refuse to be intimate quickly. My peace of mind is so important. Still healing

[@richardfrank4647]

I don’t know what say for a comment but I will say, the person doing this video has so much relationship wisdom, I’m like a deer 🦌 in headlights 🌈🌈

[@Morjixxo]

Respectfully, I disagree. There is good and bad in this video. Ultimately, a structured approach can be useful or not depending on the context. The fact that is better than the "unaware" approach, doesn't mean is the best way to address the situation. It's less risky but also less rewarding (Too many dogmas, and you lose a lot of potentially good partner). An healthy person doesn't need to follow a rigid structure or play games, and is turned off by people doing that, so guess who is left for you to attract in that way? Players. An healthy person filters partners by being authentic, and if that means getting less sexual partner, that's the sacrifice. The real problem today, is that there are not healthy persons, so 99% of people will not match with your healthy behaviour. That means being alone most of the time.

[@RedFeather11]

When it's over, IT'S OVER. STOP SEEING EXes! ⚡⚡ NO! WE ARE NOT FRIENDS! Now get out of my way! ⚡⚡(listen kylie minogue get out of my way👯🎶🎶)

[@AlvinKazu]

I just don't get why people would want to be "Friends" with someone who you ended things with. Sure, maybe there could be a clean/amicable breakup, but many times it's ugly.

[@ahlakee]

I LOVE that song!!!

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

Because you had a very close thing and you know them very well. It's okay to break up, it doesn't have to last forever. It's okay to still talk afterwards.@@AlvinKazu

[@SarahRenz59]

@@AlvinKazu I think a lot of exes play "let's be friends" as a Get Out of Jail Free card. They know they acted sh*tty, and they want to assuage their guilt and avoid accountability. In my experience the "friendship" lasts only until one of the partners finds somebody new.

[@pdelaprimm]

Spot on: Friends first, over time.

[@ChandlerSavage]

100% slow and steady for the win! 😊

[@kylec2761]

Disagree, not friends first, or you'll end up with a friend over and over. Potential partners first. Actual partners very gradually.

[@evakurl]

Sadly, that’s how you end up with many friends and zero romantic relationships 😅

[@SorryImKindaShy]

Tbh I was thinking about it and I’m not sure how much that method works anymore either. There have been so many situations where a person finds out that their long time friends were just being friends to get with them. If this method is going to be used then any parties involved have to know about what’s up, I think.

[@nineteenfortyeight6762]

What you are saying makes sense ASSUMING the man in question was not deceptive. The idea that men might lie to get laid is hardly radical. And it's not OK to do that.

[@1991windsor]

Wow, I really felt like I could have written this letter except the person I dated was in his mid-fifties and has been divorced for just over a year. He loved bombed me pretty hard in the beginning (which I was able to slow it down), but I know he wasn't a narcissist because I had dated one before. He was a very nice man but very codependent and obviously not healed from his divorce. He ended it about the 2.5 month mark when he said he "wasn't in love with me." I responded by telling him I knew it was limerence or lust he was feeling because most people don't fall in love within 60 days or so. I was hoping to get to know him better if we could just have slowed things down. I really wanted to develop a good friendship with him. I think people in these situations that have avoidant attachment issues, just want to stay stuck in that limerence stage. He will remain there until he does the work on himself and heals from his childhood wounds and adult traumas. I think we all heal at different speeds.

[@christinelamb1167]

Anna, I am learning so much from you about smart dating! I have to admit, I've never in my life been smart about dating. I've always pretty much just jumped in head first without thinking. Right from 1st date, to always being together, to living together! I've had some long-term relationships, and I was married for 11 years (now divorced for 8 years), but I think I would have more success in finding lasting love if I took my time getting to know someone before just jumping right in to a "relationship". Honestly, most of my relationships have been disastrous, for one reason or another, and I'm sure it's because I didn't really know the person very well, before making a huge commitment. Thank you for all of your sound advice, you are helping me to grow up, and to heal from my childhood abuse and trauma!

[@javireyes7333]

I m like you

[@javireyes7333]

Well I used to be. But even if I get Smarter I still get un fully too soon and get mismatched!

[@smmds]

If he sees her as a 'friend' he shouldn't have slept with her. He wasnt dating with her. He was hooking up with her.

[@mistress.villaina7591]

you didn't understand what she said. nobody knows how they're going to feel. that's why they date. it took him six weeks. I think you're projecting onto him

[@smmds]

​@@mistress.villaina7591I do understand, that's why I picked up the part where he asked her to come over to his house 'to cook' after only two gym dates during which she refused sex and told him that she isn't interested in hook ups. Then they had sex for two whole weeks ..During this two weeks of sex they went for ONE date to the cinema and after the sex period was over he cancelled the next date to ice skate and broke to her that he 'doesn't want anything serious '. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 He also hinted on polyamory. 2 weeks of just having sex but only 1-2 outings. You call that 'dating'? He wanted a friends with benefits obviously. So maybe now I spelled it out ,YOU can understand the letter writter . Also regarding your comment about me 'projecting', I have never engaged in casual sex and content with my decision in being an independent single woman. Perhaps you are projecting.. 😊😊😊😊

[@smmds]

​@@mistress.villaina7591I understood well enough. Let me spell it out for you so that you 'understand'. First all what dating are you talking about? You mean the training in gym for two days and immediately asking for sex on the second day? Or are you referring to the one cinema date during TWO WHOLE WEEKS OF SEX or that date he cancelled after the two weeks of hooking up? That's dating?😂😂😂😂 Maybe that 3 times of going out plus two weeks of sex is dating for you (since you seem to be projecting )but it's definitely not a dating scenario to me. It's just casual sex. He even told her after two weeks of sex that he doesn't want anything serious and even spoke about polyamory. Also I have nothing to project since I am a single independent woman not interested in relationships and have never engaged in casual sex in my life 😂.

[@mistress.villaina7591]

@@smmds good for you 🙄😒🤣

[@smmds]

@@mistress.villaina7591 yes good for me to have enough self respect and to be intelligent enough to know that women deserve much more than being manipulated into casual sex labelled as 'dating'. Thank you 👍😊

[@vivianworden]

I honestly don't think its trauma. I believe we live in an instant oatmeal, microwave society. When i explain a relationship of trust is building a fire first and then you can expect heat. People get mad they don't get to enjoy the heat without chopping wood and building a fire.

[@AlvinKazu]

Well, our entire society has changed and as you said it's the "instant oatmeal" society. You speak about building the fire and chopping the wood, so I'm assuming you mean getting to know a guy before giving yourself to him? As in a more traditional approach? The thing is, are you a traditional woman? Are you making meals for a guy you are interested in, and going out on dates that involve your cooking? Or is a man still spending money on you by taking you out to eat? You cannot expect to "hold back" for a man and then expect him to still pay for your meals like a modern man would do. I never want to go out on a date where i'm spending money on a woman and food, that's not traditional. I think about the Picnic lunches in the park, enjoying the weather and being together. I want to see how a woman is going to cook for me and my children, so why would I want to take a woman out? A man would also expect the woman to have not put out for other men before him, and then try to hold back for him. What kind of man would want to be with a woman who held back for him, but yet gave it up for other guys? That doesn't show much love for him.

[@vivianworden]

@@AlvinKazu happily married for almost 20 years. Know, trust and like that person. Love is too easy for some people.

[@psychedelicsurfer]

@@AlvinKazuVivian said something kind of insightful, but your comment reeks of misogyny. A woman doesn’t “give herself” to a man when they have sex. Would you, as a man, say you “give yourself” to woman when YOU have sex? And why is cooking your primary measure for traditional womanhood? Not every woman expects a man to pay for everything on every date. On a first date, many men will choose to do so, because it’s a nice thing to do. I know some people struggle with money, but I heard someone say “never buy anything you can’t buy twice.” If you’re so strapped for money that you can only afford one meal instead of two, you shouldn’t be going to meet anyone at a restaurant. That goes for men and women. I’ve had my female friends treat me to dinner sometimes, it’s just a nice thing to do to show you care/will look out for someone, and most people try to put their best foot forward on a date, so they will choose to do that. Doesn’t mean that has to happen every time. And a woman can decide whoever she wants to have sex with and when. Some women choose to have a phase of one night stands, then decided to aim for a less sexually-focused relationship and won’t want to jump into bed right away. That’s fine, it doesn’t mean she likes the man who waits any less. And you don’t show love only by having sex, you show love through dedication and by being physically and emotionally present. A woman can sleep around and then decide to be mostly celibate, and the value of her love will not be any less. Your opinion is honestly pretty disrespectful and sounds like you don’t interact with many women in real life

[@EminDemiri-le6gq]

@psychedelicsurfer, spot on!

[@AlvinKazu]

@@vivianwordenCongrats to you both. Dating these days is wild compared to back then sadly., but it seems you see it anyways.

[@PhoenixAurelius-138]

I don't get asked out often these days, but since I've been single (& quite happily so, if I'm honest with myself), I've made some decisions for myself for the next time I'm dating someone that seems more seriously interested. 1) do NOT sleep with them until we've gone on at least 10 dates, 2) try not to even kiss or make out until at least third date in, and 3) be prepared to let go at every step if the guy doesn't want to wait for me to get physical. The 10 dates rule is completely arbitrary, and everyone is different, but it seems a good goal to shoot for (works out to about 3 months of getting to know each other before sex enters the picture). And while I know I'm not perfect, giving myself these parameters potentially helps me not cave as easily. Ultimately, there are no hard and fast rules, but for those of us with ingrained trauma responses, we need some guardrails.

[@DolceIbarra]

My experience is that men connect through physical intimacy and if it isn’t obvious that it is forthcoming they disengage. I’ve been single for 5 years after a 30 year marriage and as much as I don’t want to do life solo forever I will continue to be so until I find someone who is willing to move at my pace.

[@Rut-vi7iz]

I'm at your same place in life. I get it.❤

[@gothicyid]

My guy doesnt want to kiss on first date. Not all guys are just after sex.

[@Augfordpdoggie]

Yes because this the 1 need men cant satisfy anywhere else. Its like having a pimple you cant pop-when that need is not getting met it drives us nuts-its biology

[@Augfordpdoggie]

@haileym444 as a man i agree, we are not wired for each other

[@katayna_girl8468]

@@gothicyid or he’s not into you

[@nagrabagra4924]

All the males that have ever showed interest in me have only wanted one thing. They all push for sex. Forget the fact that you're a human being with feelings, hopes, dreams, fears and a future. They just lay on the charm to disarm you like love bombing to get just one thing....to get off. I caught on to that game really early on and didn't fall for it. I'm not interested in being used. I find that most people are all too willing to use you, not necessarily just for sex and not just men, women will use you too but for different reasons. You are a means to an end and they really don't care about you as a person. I keep everyone at arms length.

[@AlvinKazu]

I find that many who seek this can just sense the insecurities and figure they can easily get it from you... These people aren't good though usually.

[@nagrabagra4924]

@@AlvinKazu It's true. I am insecure, but I'm not a push over. I have boundaries. So while these people may sense my insecurities, they get nothing over on me. Mostly because my extreme distaste for insincerity usually wins. I don't easily get entangled with other people. I have a lot of baggage with that from CPTSD. And you are right, "these people aren't good though usually" I can sniff them out a mile away.

[@galek75]

Why did you expect anything else? Are you a tradwife, because your standards are very traditional.

[@BigGirthyJohnson]

The good news is not everyone is like that. Find you a REAL man of God if you want a traditional man. You gotta walk that walk yourself though too.

[@AlvinKazu]

@@nagrabagra4924And when that happens, they don't pursue you anymore, because they aren't getting what they want out of you.

[@khemaloving4031]

Everything is eventual… Nothing is guaranteed… Enjoy the rides… When you get off, don’t be sad that it ended. Be glad that it happened, especially if you brought your best self to the party… Blessings will come… Lessons will go… life will go on, just don’t let it break your heart, mind and soul… Keep brushing, flossing and smiling… ❤❤❤

[@javireyes7333]

Well it does break thé heart even when you go for just good time

[@SuspiriaX]

Rides?

[@khemaloving4031]

@@SuspiriaX Yesss 🥰

[@otaku4Gaijin]

Hmm. I'm four years post-divorce, in my late 30s, and have not dated - no dating apps, not interested. I've turned down five co-workers who've asked me out this last year, so I have to think I'm doing something right. And despite work being a difficult place to get to know people deeply despite the long hours, my criteria is to continue to act purposely and transparently that I live by my own standards. The right man in whom I share mutual attraction (and way of life!) will eventually ask. I am not interested in anything less than how I treat and relate to myself, and I expect the same in someone else.

[@thelovechannel7236]

Thank you so much , I’ve just broken the “cool girl” phase through healing my trauma . I greatly appreciate your videos and the way you address this sensitive topic with wisdom and trauma related facts ❤️. We’re in this together.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@emilyl6746]

Lol it was infinitely easier to get into the top 20% of my law school class than it has been to date. I find dating difficult because I'm not wired for it. I hate small talk and I want to get to the point sooner rather than later. And I find people generally lack a great deal of self awareness which I have no patience for. I already have a demanding job where I literally read between the lines for a living. The last thing I want is to be confused by a guy's mixed signals. I wish it could be like earlier decades where all you had to do was look halfway decent and not be crazy and guys would respond to that.

[@haryel5058]

Lmaooo I feel you Emily.. what you are saying reminds me of the book. « How to not die alone by Logan Ury » , I didn’t finished it yet but I think It’s going to help you 😊 Dating is not easy and requires skills. You’ll develop it and with some luck you’ll find yours.

[@antoniyatreneva1201]

You HAVE to learn small talk if u want men to like u ...If you dive deep directly, u sound crazy ...like u have no borders

[@emilyl6746]

@@antoniyatreneva1201 I certainly don't open with that. But I'd rather know sooner than later what exactly the guy is looking for. If you have to cut your losses, why not do so before any significant emotional investment?

[@antoniyatreneva1201]

@emilyl6746 because the guy will NOT tell u... u have no guarantee he won't lie to u or sweet-talk to to use and leave...this "upfront talking" will attract only liars as guys who want smth deep will get scared of u ...u will come off masculine

[@emilyl6746]

@@antoniyatreneva1201 Is it that odd to you? I grew up in the Middle East. People don't date for fun, they're discussing marriage immediately. In that region men are also more intentional in their pursuit of women. When I moved back to the States I didn't expect it to be so difficult.

[@davebalmada]

This happened to me but after 5 months of dating. This is a very interesting video as I see that I made these mistakes of moving too fast in my mind and falling in love with the possibilities and ideas but not with the reality. Thanks.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@cornwallismorgan874]

My heart goes out to this gal; I'm much the same way. I'm a lesbian born into a Southern Baptist family, so I didn't get any guidance with dating and relationships either. It's such a mess.

[@LouAnnBagnall]

This is gold. Sex is sacred, and ties our soul to another, it is only precious within a solid commitment. When that bond is broken it tears us apart physically mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Interesting how "free sex" has devastated our society There is an epidemic depression and mental health issues I believe is tied directly to sex outside of marriage The Creator knows what damages our soul and loves us enough to warn us of this heart-wrenching "pleasure"

[@sharon5259]

"The fear that the person will walk away if we have a boundary..." 🥵👏 well said.

[@skippergin2695]

The ADHD...An ADHD problem is being very good at noticing and interpreting patterns, so, for example, I can weed out inconsistencies and predict what people are doing to say to a spooky degree. I think she saw emotional interest in the guy because it was there. It's just, as was said in the video, there are other factors to a relationship, baggage, specific plans, timing. Sometimes you have to accept someone's decision, even if it feels off.

[@greeneyesoulm]

I love this Woman!!!! Thank you Anna

[@Justyouraverageguy172]

I am in the space between wanting to date and seek a long term relationship and commitment but also knowing that I am still wounded and too starved of love seeking anyone who can give it from my emotionally and verbally abusive mother hurting me and betraying me all the time. It’s hard but I do desire intimacy long term not knowing how to lead and go about the relationship as a man knowing I have a tendency to go all in too much too soon because I just want the love and affection and the encouragement I never got from my mother.

[@tourmaline07]

Me too - I can go all or nothing with these things and struggle with limerence quite a bit myself.

[@ireefree2024]

Therapy is the key. I was like that. Seeking for love and when a guy gave me attention after I waited for years I was all in. Ended with being lied and cheated on. After that I had depression. I went again on the market and found my now husband. Therapy was my new impulse in life. Fun fact, I didn't fall in love immediately with my husband, he has. He's still jokes about it, although I think it bothers him a little bit. But it was the first time I set boundaries in a relationship and keep them, still today. I love him for who he is and he loves me. First time I can be totally myself. In the past, I always wanted to be the perfect girlfriend. Not anymore, we are humans and should be loved as we are. It's shouldn't be hard work to be loved... About the girl here, I see some similarities to myself back them. What I learned. Attention from a man doesn't mean intention. A great line of Matthew Hussey who saved my life. I wish I had discovered this channel back then as well. It had helped me not doing the mistakes I have done, otherwise I know, I'm a survivor of my childhood and I did an amazing job to heal lots of wounds. But still it doesn't end...

[@spiritlevelstudios]

Love begins at home. As within, so without.

[@melissasmuse]

Do ayahuasca. Save all your money and go. It will help you heal your trauma.

[@allieharmon3926]

How do u stay grounded IN a relationship without coming off jaded😅 asking as a "victim" of being on the receiving end of falling out of "love."

[@stephaniewright5424]

Of course the journey is not easy- but I still can’t get over how specifically, personally helpful and insightful finding your particular channel has been. ❤

[@SuzieQ7779]

When I used to date, men would try to make me feel like there was something wrong with me bc I didn’t want to have sex right away. Eventually just stopped dating at all.

[@nicolaseinhorn4540]

We bound around sex. They were together. The thing is that was a for a small time but they were together. It didn't work out okay, but it was the creation of a connection. That is okay to have a dating plan, but life is not always sticking to plan... It rarelly does actually.

[@judithargitay9860]

This guy from a dating app (and he is 52!) told me sex must be "tested" before even starting going out together because if it's not working, nothing is working. My response was that I'm not a test car, and it works the other way around: emotions should be "tested" before going sexual because if emotions do not work, nothing works. He was not happy but good riddance.

[@SarahRenz59]

@judithargitay9860 OMG, if a man used that metaphor on me it would take every bit of restraint I have not to burst out laughing!

[@tangobear3536]

This is an excellent video. Nuanced, empathetic, blameless. Men and women of all ages who are dating need to watch this. A couple notes regarding things mentioned (about our dating and pop culture): 1-The songs. Ugh. So much of our music has lyrics that are just gag-tacular, all about the other person being the dream end-all-be-all solution to my life. Pop music brainwashes young people. 2-Young men are conditioned to "score" on dates, and led to believe they are a failure if no sex results. Pop culture, and lack of proper father-figure guidance/wisdom causes this. That's my two cents. I will forward this video to people I know who are "in the market"---they could use the wise observations.

[@katayna_girl8468]

There’s nothing worse than getting to know someone and becoming emotionally invested, then finding out you don’t have good sex with them. There’s too many surprises when the clothes come off later, and the disappointment is worse when you connected in other ways. How can I know that I will get enough physical intimacy or fulfilled sexually with a partner I haven’t slept with yet? This is my main focus now because I spent years in long term relationships dissatisfied and I regret that time lost.

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

Yes I think about this also! It's a major detail!

[@littlesometin]

Same, girl, same. It's a delicate balance between waiting too long and going in too soon.

[@Baptized_in_Fire.]

I agree.

[@SarahRenz59]

@@littlesometin IKR? It's like guys have a magic number in their head: If you have sex with them before X number of dates, you're a slut and it's okay to use you. If you wait until at least X, then you're worthy of being taken to meet Mom. The problem is, guys won't tell us what the number is!!

[@eggsbeeped]

work on yourself first....that's my mantra

[@grawakendream8980]

i get your point, but a lot of your insight presumes that the prospective partner is emotionally developed and secure. which how he behaved, that pretty much wasn't the case. i think it's more of a mixed bag. a lot of times, you have to move fast or the other person ends it. sure you can say well that's how you weed people out, but it's a lot more emotionally complicated that that idea imo.

[@bearifiablepau2095]

this is unbelievable timing for me ! ... I'm beginning to date a man I feel very attracted to and this hasn't happened in YEARS. I have dated in that time but my feeling was 'well if it doesn't work out I'll be fine'. I didn't even think I could have these intense feelings for someone anymore... and part of me is having a difficult time taking it slow and not letting my mind and thoughts of "there's no way this could last" get the best of me. My faith helps a lot, yes, but these videos, they bring so much perspective and help me ground myself. Thank you Childhood Fairy !

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here. Good luck! Nika@TeamFairy

[@yc5141]

This is GOLD. Listening felt like a sword 🗡️ going through my heart because truth hurts and I’ve made alot of these same mistakes. I don’t want to be spaghetti 🍝 anymore 😭. Also Anna felt like like the mom I never had in this video. Yes I have a mom, but she’s never given me advice regarding this topic. Thank you Anna 😁😭. I feel like crying sometimes with regret. But I will heal, learn, and be better 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So glad you are here! Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

[@Moon-ld8ii]

She upfront told him she didn’t want fwb. So he knew by proceeding he was agreeing to that.

[@realtorkellysmith2179]

Gotta keep your nickle between your knees. That is The guy was testing for himself, not you. I needed to hear this.

[@richardfrank4647]

Interesting

[@OneBDennis]

Feel like you are reading my dating autobiography.

[@seymills]

i needed to hear this ! just started dating again after 2 years being single ....

[@EminDemiri-le6gq]

In my opinion, a guy that is rushing to have sex after the second or third date is a red flag. If true interest and care and love are involved, guys should not have a problem to respect the others personal space. This guy is an a**hole in my opinion. Why play with the feelings of a person? He could rather go to a sex worker instead. He made it very clear to her that she is no "relationship material" AFTER he got sex from her. Simply an a**hole

[@AlvinKazu]

Then women should be fine with paying for their own dates, or be traditional women and actually cook a meal for the man you have interest in. There wasn't any rush by this guy, besides bringing her to his home. He respected she didn't want it the first night, and let her stay over, and then she put out 2 days later.... and then she put out for the next 2 weeks(without evne having their first proper date), after claiming she wanted to "take things slow." So she's lying and just not being truthful, and this is chaotic. How exactly is the man an ahole for this exactly? The Fairy Herself said that he was trying out the waters and dating, trying things out, and it didn't work out... So how is he an ahole for him not wanting to be` with her just because "they slept together?" So it's only the man's fault for that?... Even though she put up a boundary and then disregarded her own boundary? This woman put out for 2weeks without a first date, that's on her. Always the man's fault.... sad.

[@Rut-vi7iz]

She's the one who rushed to have sex. I'm a female, and it's time we took responsibility for the way this works. She was hoping that she could use sex to get him interested in a relationship quickly and he didn't fall for it. Live and learn ladies. That approach seldom works. If you want to have sex with a man early on, go for it. If you are trying to manipulate or seduce him in to a relationship before he has a chance to get to know you, bad on YOU.

[@clonejones7955]

Gen Zero

[@EminDemiri-le6gq]

well, the lady that wrote the letter, states that it was clear to her that he wanted sex. So did she. But she wanted to stay with him while he simply dumped her after he got what he wanted. That is an a**hole per definition, in my opinion. So, you expect something in return if you pay for the date with a woman and you think that a woman should behave like a slave, right? I would ALWAYS pay for the dates with the woman I like and when it comes to household things, there is nothing wrong if both partners help each other, That is how it should be, in my opinion and that is what love is at the end of the day - support, care, affection... ​ @AlvinKazu

[@AlvinKazu]

@miri-le6gq so because he didn't want to continue a relationship, which is his right to do, he is a red flag? The red flag is forcing him to be with her even though he doesn't want to, all to "make her happy." You yourself said that she wanted to sleep with him also, so how is it "he used her and then dumped her" when both mutually got what they wanted? You make it seem like he slept with her once, got his rocks off, and didn't speak to her again. They spent 6 weeks together, he didn't find her compatible, and wanted to move on. and even if he did sleep with her once... You said she wanted it also, so again, how is he doing something wrong? How is he an ahole for not wanting a relationship? That's crazy... Then you say a woman is a slave because a man wants her to pay for her own meal, or at least reciprocate her appreciation for HIS TIME AND MONEY? Why should a man pay for something and get nothing out of it? ---------------- Then you say both partners should help each other out.... so why can't she pay for her own date?? and why is it him that is the one who's evil for wanting to sleep with her, but not the other way around? ----------------- Then you end with that you always pay for dates and do things for women, and that a relationship is about support, caring, appreciation... But it sounds like you want to do everything to appreciate the woman, and I don't see her doing anything to actually appreciate you. ------------------- It just sounds like you care to cater to women and that's all, and are upset that this man didn't cater to this woman's ever whim, and how dare he want sex! ---------------- This entire conversation is one giant red flag.... and sounds like a ton of feminist type talking points and programming. Especially with the 100% focus on what the man is doing or is supposed to do, and nothing about the woman, putting 100% responsibility and accountability solely on the man and not on the woman. Talking about how he owes her a relationship and how he's an ahole for not giving her a relationship.... As if ANYONE owes someone that. Meanwhile you dismiss her chaos and craziness towards this guy, her talking about not wanting to give it up, and then giving it up, sleeping over at this guy's house who she doesn't know, and isn't in a relationship with, etc, etc... This is very weird...

[@Leonardqh5kp]

Such wonderful feedback and a hopeful message, so constructive ❤, as someone with adhd I like these

[@createa.googleaccount713]

She Did Not do Anything Wrong, except Give mixed messages by saying 1 thing, & doing the opposite " I don't want casual, but then Jumping into bed ASAP, which IS Casual! She Betrayed Herself, he did Not. Rejection Sucks, and he was a Mature kind man that didn't dump & ghost her, but Still she's in denial, what do you call in Lumerex (???) Sorry, I don't say these things to be mean nor nasty but as a WAKE UP!

[@patriot-hj5vx]

Anna, i love that you approached this with reason and logic. I agree - this woman participated very willingly. But she still thinks this guy is the villain. In my experience anxiously attached people will blame everyone around them for their feelings. You need to accept that YOUR actions are yours alone. No excuses.

[@Rollacoastertycoon]

Just be single for life . Not worth it

[@beyourself9162]

The trick today is to not loose time and to move on in the same moment. I turn around as soon as a woman displays me that she is not available…. Don’t waste you lifetime with potential partners which feet your Trauma monkey. I give it a try, maybe a second one and then goodbye… also in our society is the sick culture of solitude, which is poison for humans. You get labeled as too clingy and what not…

[@AlvinKazu]

20:00 I agree with The Fairy. I cannot be friends with a girl who broke my heart... That's crazy. if a girl I like puts me in the friendzone... NOPE! I don't know why people would put up with such suffering.... It isn't worth it. I spent 3 months with a girl who just broke up with her bf, who claimed "She needed time," meanwhile she was sleeping with other guys, etc, etc an then finally told me she liked another guy and this and that and I just asked her "so you wont even give me a chance?" and she said "no..." That shit hit me the hardest.... It wasn't the fact she said no... It was the fact she wouldn't even give me a chance.... Afterwards, I just sat at the entrance to my door just shocked, because she told me right in front of my dorm room.... I don't recall what exactly happened afterwards, but ~When I went to sleep I woke up and was getting ready to `go to the bathroom and just broke down in tears at the entrance to my dorm room and woke up my roommate... Pretty pathetic, but man that situation with her sucked... I really thought I would be able to get myself a gf... Finally... For 3 months I was strung along, hoping... What a fool I was.... I realize now... She already gave me a chance.... and I failed. She was similar to the girl in this story.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

To be fair, she told you she needed time - did you interpret that as her needing time to be ready to date in general (not specifically you), or were you just hoping she would start liking you if you hung around her long enough? No judgment, I was there with a guy several years ago, and I spent about 2 years hoping he would like me back. But eventually, I realised he was treating me (and a few of his own friends) badly, completely lost interest and it was *only then* that he started trying to pursue me. I've had therapy since and looking back, I see that I was messed up and would be less likely to chase a guy like that.

[@AlvinKazu]

@@ShintogaDeathAngelI just expect honesty. If she wasn't into me, just tell me that the instant I tell you I like you. Instead she strung me around for 3 months because "She's not ready," making it seem like I had a chance..... All until finally she found a BF candidate(who already had a GF btw) and told me. I think it's really messed up and gives mixed signals. It is partly my fault because I Should have known when she slept with another guy she had been with before, `that I had no chance, but I figured she was doing her thing and trying to find out what she wanted and gave her some time to process her breakup. It's all a bunch of BS. I know part of the situation was my fault letting it go that far, but I was inexperienced and didn't know better, and was just trying to be nice and give her space. She wasn't mean or nasty to her friends, and she was overall a pretty n"nice" person, but she had her issues.

[@SYLPT93]

This girl does not deserve you! Not the other way around! Everyone deserves to be loved without conditions. If anybody at anytime playes ‘games’ with you or ‘tests’ you, get out asap! Be very clear from the beginning of your intensions.. if the other person does not feel the same, go on with life❤

[@AlvinKazu]

@@SYLPT93I was a bit confused at first when you said she doesn't deserve me, as i took this as an attack, and that I was the bad one and that "she deserved better," but I think you meant it the opposite way. Yes, I was extremely desperate for love and affection and wanted a GF. I had parents(father) who always told me how special and amazing I was and that got to my head so I just felt that I'm trash because I was Obese and no girl will want the Obese me. Very damaging. Thank you, all the best.

[@01happykat]

@@AlvinKazu Alvin, I'm sorry, but you dodged a bullet. Lousy way to learn, but I've been there and know this situation well. When someone says isn't ready, move on. I wish I had learned this lesson before. When you're both ready, then move forward together. When you're ready and she isn't, don't stick around. Make yourself scarce. When someone is saying no, they're really saying no. I'm sticking to this idea now too. Good luck, my friend!

[@alfreire72]

How about enjoying the date and move on? I also have trauma and sometimes I had affairs. Some affairs I don't regretted and sometimes I got hurt. But is life! And now some rhetorical questions: What if I need sex? What if the "real" love never comes? Will I spend all my life dating, looking for the "one"? Why don't focus on travelling, friendship, dancing? Focus on life! And if someone judges you because of sex, they don't deserve you at all. Women don't be ashamed about your body and you desires.

[@katayna_girl8468]

I feel the same way!

[@kerrymillar1267]

You’re not getting the point she’s making. She’s talking about people that bond through sex and get trapped pining after someone that doesn’t care about them/ want a relationship. A lot of people with trauma bond like superglue through the hormones that come with sex.

[@alfreire72]

@kerrymillar1267 I understood perfectly what she said. I am just giving my opinion, and why not see the other way?

[@alfreire72]

@kerrymillar1267 I've been there. I know what trauma is. I could tell the story of my life. But life has so many paths

[@psalm2forliberty577]

We need to find out Ultimate value & acceptance from God our Creator & Redeemer First, and only then, look for an Echo of that from the other Sex Second. That order IF recognized will help stabilize & minimize the Trauma and Turbulence we suffer from the fickle attention from self seeking "players". In my immaturity, I've been one of those, but Praise God, moved past that phase of frustration. On that basis of recognition, my wife & I enjoyed a very strong & fulfilling 32 year marriage, weathering many a storm, because Christ was the Rock our marriage was anchored on. Cancer struck her down in 2021 to my immense Grief, and finding a suitable #2 has been an arduous effort. It's gonna take Virtue, a proper approach & a miracle for it to happen. CHF, your videos are helpful in the Extreme !

[@gember1382]

I'm in the middle of the trying to date process right now. And it's not that I need a man, but I feel a longing for connecting with a man. But I find it so so hard. When I have a first contact via a dating app, I already want to delete him, because I don't know how to tell him about my "wounds" without oversharing, how to not lose myself in the contact, how do I know what I want or even like him, because I feel that I must be grateful for even getting a like on the app. So it brings out so many emotions and feelings that I don't even want to start. But...on the other hand I want to try it so much. But I just want to meet someone irl not on an app. But that's hard when you're 42 and not have a huge social life. I'm just so scared in the process....so yes I find it hard...

[@takeadarko8192]

Heal your wounds first. If not the relationship probably wouldn’t last or be that great even if u met someone. Force yourself to go out. Even if it’s solo.

[@wateheckful]

You are not alone. I'm also 42 and have been single since birth. I don't dare to jump into a relationship as I've multiple trauma wounds to heal on hand. If I would be dumped because of my 'weird' behaviour, I think I might be destroyed totally.😢 It's this fear that makes me isolate from people😅.

[@ireefree2024]

​@@takeadarko8192Spot on. I was 33 when I started dating. I was scared of getting hurt and what happened? Exactly, I got hurt... I wasn't prepared for dating apps and after some attention of weird men. I found a guy who met all my criteria. But unfortunately just the shallow ones. The others like loyalty, faithfulness was only in my head. It doesn't have ended well... After some depression and therapy I'm now very happy. Now with 39 married to a wonderful man. We also met from online dating, so yes it worked, but it was looong and difficult time. First lesson. If a guy shows interst that doesn't mean nothing. Even if you are dating and met friends and family. Still means nothing. Get to know them over time. Wait with s.. and still be prepared to go separate ways. There is no guarantee, only time and building real intimacy. See the bad things about each other and not only the honeymoon phase. My husband and me had that early, after a month when my mother got a cancer diagnosis. He was there for me and it still doesn't changed. Try to find out about the character and don't ignore signs if your guts is screaming at you. I learned my lesson. Wish you here the best ❤

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

I can relate to your fears. Dating apps are a completely unnatural way to connect with a person. You need to feel their vibe, smell their pheromones. I'm in my 40s in a tiny town so it's really hard to meet anyone new. But I refuse to use online dating. It triggers all my discomforts.

[@katayna_girl8468]

@@Captain_MonsterFart agreed!

[@quinnbill]

Excellent video. Great analysis for men and women to learn from.

[@mysteradio]

the guy is responsible for the confusion. he knew he was trying to have a sexy good time before knowing if actually he wanted to make that "promise".

[@ErraticOverthinker]

It was under consent from both parties. Also, you would want to know If that person matches your sexual lifestyle too, ¿Don't you? I mean, If they have some weird kink or opinion on sex, it's good to know beforehand. At least after 2 weeks of dating, haha.

[@mysteradio]

@@ErraticOverthinker it's pretty tough to say. in our sex-focused culture, yea, i agree, i _would_ want to know about their sexual proclivities. BUT! if you find someone who is truly, so very TRULY your "cup of tea", it wouldn't matter. and maybe, just maybe, the ultimate purpose of looking for somebody is to spend a lifetime together and, if that's the case, then put all your chips in the pot and play the hand your dealt. no refunds. no do-overs. until DEATH.

[@TC-hf8hg]

It's at least both their faults and not solely hers. He definitely was there for the (easily given) good time and when she wanted a real date that's when his conscious kicked in. Anna is right in that at the end of the day, we have to keep ourselves accountable for what we do. In these dating stories, dismissing any responsibility from the other party doesn't make sense.

[@Salty0]

In my experience as a guy, women do not take rejection that well and does not matter how softly we convey the message. I have seen some become more emotionally unstable and erratic than what I had thought. It may due to historic hard wiring that men are the initiator and bound to stick with the date. What I can say, men usually don't observe or analyze much for casual flicks. When it comes to long term, we go over every single detail of how a family will run with that person (standards may vary with socioeconomic condition).

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your insight with us. Nika@TeamFairy

[@AlvinKazu]

14:14 "I WAS CLEAR I DIDN'T WANT SOMETHING CASUAL." You are as clear as a winter blizzard in the middle of a foggy night.... and you are chaotic in your ways.` ------------------- You ABSOLUTELY CANNOT go to a man's house on the "First date," then stay at a man's house, because "it's too late," then tell the man you don't want to sleep with him while saying you will stay the night.... Then TWO DAYS LATER sleep with him and then tell him "I don't want something Casual`...." THEN sleep with him for 2 weeks straight(probably daily), then decide it's time to have your first date in public after all of that(besides the cooking dates). and then expect a man to take you and your words seriously..... After you already put out?` You don't even take your own words seriously..... Pure, utter chaos. ------------------ I'm actually surprised he attempted to even go further after being denied the first night. I would be embarrassed if a woman said she wanted to stay over because it's late, but didn't want my company and didn't want to sleep with me. I would think something was wrong with me, and I was being used for a free meal and a place to stay.... ----------------- But he ended up pushing forward and was successful for awhile.... Then he realized the juice isn't worth the squeeze. This is why people need to take care of their own trauma before looking for love.

[@marcusschmaling9]

Some really good stuff here. Thank you.

[@festernassociates]

There is a difference between “dating” and sleeping with people. If I meet a girl who is still involved in any kind of way with men she’s slept with in the past including “friends” then she’s out whether I like her or not. Period.

[@Captain_MonsterFart]

That seems a bit harsh.

[@festernassociates]

@@Captain_MonsterFart its called maturity

[@katayna_girl8468]

Or she could just lie to you about it 😂it’s not really your business when you first meet anyway

[@festernassociates]

@@katayna_girl8468 it absolutely is... i'm not paying to take a girl out whos sleeping with someone else... and if i find out she was seeing someone else... its over done bye

[@las9582]

That's where women mess up. You Can Not sleep with a man to right away.

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

Oh Anna, I found myself, despite knowing better, playing the “cool girl”. I decided a month ago, after a whirlwind romance that abruptly ended, I was “just looking for something casual, A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS…” I meet a guy under those circumstances, and then catch feelings for him. I don’t know in what world you can see someone multiple times a week and have sex with them and not catch feelings. He likes me too and we’ve talked about how things changed for me and he’s open to that, but he’s younger than I usually date (I’m 26, he’s 25) and he’s not really putting in the effort I want. Why would he? He thought we were just gonna be something casual. I can’t rush into sex like that. I need to do things better next time.

[@MsBlue911]

I've done this too, it stings but we all grow.

[@littlesometin]

Honestly, if he really liked you he would put in the effort regardless. He could also be just lazy in general about relationship stuff, which would put me off as well. Anyways, you'd get that version of him eventually so it's best he showed his real colors from the start.

[@fedup745]

Ladies. Stop giving the goods out.

[@katayna_girl8468]

That’s silly. Would you say that to a man?

[@las9582]

​@@katayna_girl8468No it actually isn't.

[@galek75]

​@@katayna_girl8468Men are told they are sex-crazed by women on social media all the time. As if being in a celibate-relationship made any sense! 😂

[@littlesometin]

Should men stop giving the goods out? I'm curious why you didn't direct the imperative towards them.

[@Avril888]

This is gold, thanks Anna !

[@emilyemily6316]

I am so damaged that I couldn't "date" due to fear of rejection and devastating depression, when rejected..it is not worth it!!!

[@SYLPT93]

Why is nobody talking about the attachment styles of these two people? It’s clear that person number 1 is anxiously attached and person number 2 is the avoident one…

[@genteelcowgirl0119]

I loved this video

[@jessik8660]

Can you do a video about wether or not the relationship you have with your parents affect your romantic relationships?. I find myself getting emotionally attached to men I date pretty fast and not only men but I attach to my friends quickly as well. Does that have something to do with my father being absent during my childhood?

[@moniak88]

thats all she talks about in her videos though, thats the whole point that it obviously does

[@jessik8660]

@@moniak88 okay well don't be rude

[@karlareadstheclassics217]

Please go back through Anna's videos. You'll definitely find the info you're looking for.

[@AlvinKazu]

~Yes, women without fathers look for that male role model to fit that emptiness of the "Daddy" role. It's also why women will search for certain men such as the ones who have stronger personalities ,because those mimic what a young girl would want in a father. A strong, powerful man.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@AlvinKazu I agree with the first part of your comment - but, all women who didn't have fathers, or fathers that were absent in some way (I lived with my adoptive parents until after my a-dad died, 2 years ago - he was bipolar and an alcoholic, so, yeah, while he was mostly physically present, he wasn't mentally available for a true daddy-daughter relationship at all) all have different wants for their "replacement father figures". For my part, I wasn't, or am not looking strictly for someone strong and powerful, with a big personality - just someone sympathetic, emotionally protective and kind.

[@vivisimonvi]

Here I am in over 40 years just now learning why people date.

[@adelaideo7417]

I hate dating so much.

[@dorolicious]

To be honest, I'm a very sexually open person and don't see monogamy for myself. But I want to cut back a little, so I can work on some trauma issues. No situationships, friends with benefits or polyamory until I'm stable enough. But .. what do I do with my high libido? I like dating, I did a lot of progress with boundaries and communication, but to stay abstinent for a long time and only dating with a proper relationship in mind is really hard! 😅 Please, someone tell me I'm not the only weird one! 😂🙈

[@gabrielle6158]

So was I but you’ll survive 😊 it’s better to play it safer and wait for the right one by taking your time with them.

[@cathyjennings5580]

Discern is spotting behaviors RIGHT FROM WRONG . Is true ??

[@chechia9750]

Is 75% Y's on the struggle to connect bad? LOL I wish I could afford your courses, although it's probably too late for me, anyway. I do love your videos, though, and I hope all your letter writers (and members and viewers) can find that missing piece to complete their puzzle and make a good life!

[@ranchsailor721]

To anyone reading this that is having financial issues and you think you can't find good paying job because of lack of education try your City and State Government to get an entry level position. Then they may pay for classes. Slow and steady. You can move up in the department as well. Clean, no drugs, no attitude and speak English not slang. Respect yourself.

[@cinthyalc1162]

Your work is just exactly what this world needs ✨✨✨😊

[@seikousanneh6673]

25 I have certainly never been close to being in love, I only recently found self love, and constantly have to remind myself to wait for things to happen not to try to force them

[@prospect2]

Yes. It is indeed a paradoxical thing to do, but i believe you will find someone if you give it time. We are still young and have our whole lives to find someone. Just try to enjoy the time you have now.

[@Warriorsoull]

Likes "cooking together" 😂😂😂

[@byttercandy]

That part killed me 😂

[@goldalevin869]

You're always so helpful, Anna, and I've referred you to others. I believe that you're also a spring in the color theory and look great in light, clear warm colors.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing and for your comment. Glad you are part of our community here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@mariee3658]

I slept with this guy when I wasn’t ready and he turned out to be a good guy was constantly showing me he cared for me but after that night I only saw him as a bad guy who just wanted my body I wasn’t able to seperate facts from my feelings and I feel terrible that I treated him wrong pushed him away because of my insecurities and lack of boundaries/self control.

[@jessik8660]

How do you keep the honeymoon phase going ? How do you keep the spark in a relationship?

[@Kellendras1]

Have a look at Esther Perel's work. She talks about that. Another incredibly insightful woman

[@1991windsor]

The honeymoon phase will never last in any relationship. Both people have to be willing to move on to the next phase, but emotionally wounded people will never be able to do that.

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

@@1991windsor This! Some couples do claim to still feel like they're in a honeymoon type phase years later, but that's rare, and while it probably works for them, it's not something healthy to chase. Wanting to keep the honeymoon phase going could indicate insecurity (not being confident the relationship can stand after the initial feelings go away) and also maybe even an addiction to the good feelings themselves. Real intimacy is what helps keep a relationship going, with or without a spark - it takes work, hard work, but it's worth it if both people can do it and understand that good relationships aren't purely about feelings.

[@Erin-uz2gf]

Because it's based on something much deeper than the spark?

[@katayna_girl8468]

@@Erin-uz2gf what if that spark is what keeps you interested?

[@tiisetsosephai]

This was a great informative video

[@blairdurward4324]

Not sure how many other men are listening to this, but I’m taking notes here. I like this guys plan of just, let’s hang out as friends, but I’ll leave out the whole pull away and not communicate nonsense.

[@margaretwilson-y5j]

I found John Bradshaw's "Healing the Shame that Binds You" to be a good resource.

[@Mikkibriteside]

If I only had this information when I was young. I like to date and not hop in bed with people. Most of my friends think I'm nuts. They think if you don't hop in bed with someone..they will just go find someone else. I say. "That's fine.. they can go do that with anyone else..just not me." I dated my ex husband for 4 months before we got intimate. We were together for 10 years. Unfortunately he ended up mentally ill and I had to leave..for my safety. However I'm glad for how we dated and I have no regrets.

[@ADHDAnnie-un9kq]

before watching this video on relationships I was 99.9% sure that I will never date again. Now I am 100% sure..........

[@Portia620]

Again sleeping with them too soon. Learn who they are first!

[@scribeworld]

The guy could have told her that we are dating and I want to see where this goes, instead of saying it after they met a couple of times where she had ro ask him. It doesn't make him good, it makes him dishonest.

[@Jaybird227Songbird]

Dr Fairly? I have been abstinent celebacy lonely guy for about twenty years. Surely you are not talking about me. And the spaghetti on the wall was because they were gossiping about Greg my hospital buddy who chopped up pappy and fridge packed him into filays. Well I exaggerate about filays part but it ticked me off because he called Greg a derogatory name or something. Greg was a mellow cat with some serious dad bad issues. He lived a quiet life in Asylum for years and never even spoke a foul word a single time at over dosage med line daily stammer line up.

[@merrycristy]

No, It 's not normal to know someone through sex like trying clothes. We should not normalise it, especially for men! It's the way they often dissociate from feelings. I don't agree with Anna, because it seems she justifies such behaviours, especially for men

[@ginnybenett428]

I’ve been on five dates with a guy and I’m thinking about ending it because I dont feel chemistry, attraction. I feel like I’m an option until something else comes along. We have a lot in common with values, culture, lifestyle but honestly I don’t want to wait around until he see the value in me. After five dates shouldn’t there be some kind of attraction? He shows up for dates but that’s it, he puts no effort to try to impress me which I think men do when they really like woman. He never married, engaged twice, no kids. He is 59, I’m 62. I was married 22 yrs was anxious attachment but believe I’m secure attachment now or close to it.

[@xoxnataiie]

i love how compassionate you are while still being realistic. definitely earned a sub from me

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks.

[@meghanlong3494]

my friend who is more of a sister than my blood is the one who told me to not have sex so soon

[@FooMantis]

I'm a straight guy, and I've never once understood at all how people can do casual sex. It blows my mind, and it has always seemed like such flagrant delusion. Unreal.

[@MS-nj9le]

I need a tutorial on how to avoid getting a girlfriend. Everything I hear about them means they are nothing but trouble and heartbreak. Please make a tutorial on how to avoid entanglements with women. Thank you.

[@ronaldwiggins3226]

Modernity is complex, people are complex and selfish - including myself- it amazes me there are any long term relationships