DATING DEPRESSED MEN... | The Slumflower Hour podcast

[@Lelough_]

Did this for 4 years. I started getting sick, always having the flu. I was exhausted. My eyes always had tears about to run at anything. 5 months ago, he left for the UK (I'm in South Africa) without telling me. Only when I look back I realise how he also used me in running his errands preparing to leave, fine tuning his CV, writing letters talking about his character(I thiught he was doing to apply for visa to stay here (he's Zimbabwean). He did me a number. But since I've been healing from that, I find that I'm breathing so much better without him in my life. I'm even doing better at work and getting new opportunities.

[@SapphireChristella]

I wish you so much love and light on your healing journey. I’m so sorry you went through that but I’m relieved for you that it’s over and you still have so much life to live.💚💚💚

[@bee2025]

Him leaving was a blessing. Hope you nurse yourself back to health love. Healthy men exist and you deserve one ❤

[@MsShay89]

Zimbabwean men generally are super self centered. Glad your able to heal from that.

[@destinysmith6440]

girl Zimbabwean men RUN, shes talikng about all my dating experiences and I am a Zimbabwean woman who has dated mostly Zimbabwean men they will leave you in the dessert with no water they are very depressed because of their financial situations

[@gailainsley6939]

Funny. I am in the UK and I’m talking to a guy who is also in the UK but his background is Zimbabwean. I dont know anything about those men. All I keep thinking anytime I see men from Africa is ‘are they looking for papers?’. These guys be on their best behaviour, talking about wanting to settle down & I have to keep side eyeing them. Especially when they get defensive when I ask them where they are born and how often the go back. 😅😴🚮

[@TheHick1997]

your understanding of men is frighteningly accurate. I am a guy and when I was very depressed I spent huge amount of money and was actively looking for a girlfriend at the same time...just as you described

[@ImaniForeman]

they almost enjoy being victims. Especially when you're an empathetic, understanding woman. There's no motivation to change or break any destructive patterns when they cling to their victimhood and there's a woman who they know is too understanding to hold them fully accountable. And you are 100000% correct. They feel DESPERATE for relationships when they are at absolute rock bottom because they need it as a distraction or proof that they are good enough. They'll use their very last to get the girl they feel they need to feel better about themselves. And once again it's going to always be the woman who's too empathetic for her own good to look past the clear destruction that that man is and try to help them when their intention was never to even help themselves.

[@chadplemons2028]

Not we are screaming for help

[@worldwideflowergirlie]

Depression and deep mother wounds. You will nurture them to the pits of their internal hate for their lives and their mothers. 😢

[@BlkLotus55]

I can't do the sad boys ...I honestly think nobody ,man or woman should date when not mentally well .

[@kennedymcneal1945]

You speak as if mental illness just goes away eventually…

[@BlkLotus55]

@@kennedymcneal1945 speaking from someone with bipolar disorder...who use to be on 3 to 4 meds who now just takes one...someone who works on themselves change their lifestyle n get therapy can live a filled life with mental disorders....that's not the same as being a victim or emotionally manipulating people....and when I was going through those issues I broke off an engagement to get myself together because I was unwell and ended up in a mental institution so yea 🙃 you can get better...it won't " disappear" but you can get to a better place where you are emotionally stable and a good partner ...

[@kennedymcneal1945]

@@BlkLotus55 okay thank you so much for explaining that, I’m sorry I didn’t get what you meant before and spoke on the top of my head. I hope you are doing better now, and I did not want to invalidate your experiences, obviously, since I don’t know you.

[@dackjanielsmeup]

I've had severe anxiety and panic attacks my whole life and I started dating my boyfriend at one of my low points. It has been life changing for me and the best decision possible. I'm really happy for you that you're medication and therapy has been working. For me those have never worked and the best thing I can have is positive relationships that encourage me out of my shell.

[@gailainsley6939]

@@kennedymcneal1945. Stop eating meat filled with blood of the animals that were taken out tragically. Stop mixing it with your blood and hormones. Try it for a good 6 months. You will get off your meds. This is a spiritual world we’re in. Stop mixing the blood of tragedy and sorrow with yours.

[@naturalious3195]

The part when she said once you deflect. In my head, deflect = block and forget you even existed. When you understand the game being played, sometimes the smart thing to do is not even play at all.

[@amilllion1]

When they’re at rock bottom ain’t no where to go but up( at your expense). Once I hear signs of depression (and they’ll let u know cause they’re dry asking for help, I’m out! 🏃🏾‍♀️

[@dnaaa99]

thank you for preaching the gospel! Your wisdom have allowed me as a woman to intentionally decide to no longer allow men to control me or lead me to chaos. Shifting my standards on how I treat and protect myself!

[@gailainsley6939]

12:38 lol. This is how I think as well. You just know all of the pretences are going to end at some point. 😅😅

[@dimakatsomahlangu2731]

“Do what’s best for you “😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@dimakatsomahlangu2731]

The universe’s timing 😭thank you for this video. Literally related to EVERYTHING 😭😹

[@kaysmellsgood]

30:44 not I don't use my powers for evil anymore...screaming 😂

[@amilllion1]

Same

[@ChiddyAnn]

As serious as this episode was I still managed to laugh so much 😂 Chidera you're so funnny

[@noname-qr7me]

Where was this video when I needed it a year ago😭 everything you said matched to a T He started straight out the gate w the subtle self deprecation and was indeed intending to drag me down w him. He also wasn’t making good money (didn’t realize til later) and truly did have all the time in the world to argue and give sass I left and blocked him after 2 months cause hell no. You are doing the lords work my sister🫶🏿

[@Alchemyandco]

“I feel this poetic feeling about you “😂😂😂 mxxx

[@SimonePahl]

Also, and probably most important: sorry for the fact that I had to leave 3 comments...but...thank you for saving my mental sanity!!!!!

[@courtneyaubin6642]

Listening to you has been so helpful- thank you

[@0003-t6x]

13:03 truest words ever spoken.

[@laoisefitz1934]

forever grateful for your succinct accuracy and also your unbelievable timing!!!!!!!

[@lys5851]

I just wanna know who explained to you my life? You are describing my nightmarish life with my covert narcissist ex. Like The smallest details like if you were there omg. That's amazing, the try to unalive himself, the guilt I felt to leave him, the looong email he sent me since I've blocked him. ...

[@A_Womans_Worth]

This episode reminds me of what happens to arnheid in this white people anime called Vinland Saga. She is a literal slave of this man but he acts like she’s his rock and he’s in love with her until her husband comes back for her only to realize he’s outnumbered, and their child is gone and so they start on their way but he’s injured and she still gets beaten to death by her captor because he felt she was unfaithful. It was a crazy show/part to watch. That part specifically has me wailing in anguish. I felt all the mothers in my bloodline shriek.

[@A_Womans_Worth]

@@sam-inte I am not sure how to cope. This podcast helps me a lot. I am so sorry to hear that you relate to this and would like advice I’m not sure I have. I am just barely realizing how deep this all goes. I’m young and as dumb as ever. Lmao! In the best way. All men think of us as cattle and to accept that and now navigate life realizing that men underestimate me, has actually become a secret power move and tool in my arsenal I always go back to tbh. I can now confidently get what i want from them, and they also never expect me to know how to push their ego buttons so pristinely, but I do. 🤓 It can also be dangerous. You must know how to do it and when is enough. And which men aren’t receptive and which men haven’t even earnt eye contact. They can smell our fear especially. There’s a reason we chose the bear. Men are women’s natural predators. I would love to give a satisfying answer but I just don’t know what’s best for you and what you’re going through. I am here though! If you’d like to talk further🫶 we are superior to men in ways that COUNT baby, but we’ve forgotten we are daughters of Lilith. Love this podcast and love everything Chidera says to me. Sometimes hope is what we got but if we can create love we also got that! More than many men can say for themselves 😮‍💨

[@violetguzman4006]

Thank you Chidera! ❤🎉💫

[@BubbleManna]

So insightful and succinct. Thank you

[@SA-su7kq]

Chidera for president! Here here! You're litcherally my homegirl and you don't even know it ❤️

[@teethenugget]

The timing of this is perfect omds

[@SA-su7kq]

For better or for better! For richer or for richer! Why not! 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@del3492]

24:41 😂😂 brother erghhhh 😂😂😂😂

[@alicemvl12]

Hey Chidera! I just started watching Episode 1 of The Ultimatum South Africa, and I thought it could be very interesting to hear you analyse mens behaviours on shows like that (Plus, Love is Blind UK is coming soon hehe) Anyways, love you, bisous de Montréal

[@0003-t6x]

Men will use women to uplift them at their lowest and once you’ve helped them get out of that dark place, they will leave you without ANY remorse. After draining your soul. (Literally) Never build a man. This is behaviour is easy to spot in poor men because all can do is manipulate you with words. But rich men can also be depressed and using money/women/partying to run away from themselves. Always put yourself first and leave at the first red flag.

[@kaysmellsgood]

19:10 preach 🔥

[@Lui_Esi]

Chidera you are the best! 🎉❤😂

[@Bramstrokers]

Love this

[@Itscicichanel]

Same

[@LifeofAkos]

Came for the title, stayed for the accent🤟🏿🥰💫

[@uniquelyrivers]

Finally watched "From Scratch" on Netflix... wish the protagonist coulda listened to this episode because HUH?!?! Women are really sold struggle love in the form of "romance". No thank you 🤨

[@OSeeingUOut]

I have a genuine question at the comments made at 24:45 . Are you suggesting that women shouldn't split bills with their husbands? Like is that a realistic take in today's economical strife? Most men aren't rich and most people have a standard of living that now requires two wages. And we also know the consequences of most men holding all the money in marriages, i don't think we wanna entirely go back to that either.

[@The_1_She]

Always on point❤

[@dimakatsomahlangu2731]

She’s so funny omdssss😭😭😭😭

[@ChiddyAnn]

Love her sense of humour 😂

[@celestesaucewilliamscheek8163]

So true ❤

[@deeptiboddapati2380]

Ur studio is so unique 😍

[@kaysmellsgood]

22:14 😂😂😂

[@Naturelover22-h3l]

Oh?! Is he sorry or is he lonely? Oh that was good

[@rubypanterra.]

Truth 🖤🖤

[@ofc2024-zz6bt]

Look at the bitterness and cold heartedness in those eyes

[@del3492]

34:13 !!!!!

[@SimonePahl]

........i feel like we needa talk/maybe even start a podcast...hmu if you interested...i agree with most of what ya sayin...i think it'll be an interesting dynamic ;)

[@GrungeGalactica]

❤

[@pinkplight9992]

I can't finish the podcast you said so many lies and I would love to address them.

[@sashburrito4006]

Okay.. address it and cite your sources, TY

[@pinkplight9992]

@@sashburrito4006 my sources is going outside and talking to people instead of treating humans like animals. Also was there any research in The video. Why you going to tell me something that you don't do?

[@truetothegame2928]

jesus you sound super depressed in this ..

[@lamontevlogs]

4:44 so you're more prone to lying to a friend to keep the friendship? damn, feel like I'd want to know if I'm in the wrong regardless if I'm in a emotional state or not lol - I might be a little pissed off for a bit but I'd get over it. idk lol I wouldn't even want you to bring it up if you weren't going to tell me then why tell me now? what's the purpose edit: lol oh lord 5:56 i know where this video is going