Dating Games: What to do when he pulls away

[@storyvi9530]

Everytime he pulled away from me I loved him less. One day he pulled himself away and another man pushed himself in. I didn't cheat, I just replaced trash with treasure. No regrets. Looking back i think we women make too many excuses for bad men. They can make their own excuses.

[@madhusweetprof]

Yes yes... very true. When will we hv this level Tenacity??

[@storyvi9530]

@@madhusweetprof Not sure if it's different slang. But tenacity? Never heard of it. I'm British.

[@madhusweetprof]

No. It's a proper formal word. No slang. Tenacity is perseverance n persistence . It could also mean No to wrong things or the ability to survive thru hardships. Thanx alot fr your reply. Peace n happiness

[@storyvi9530]

@@madhusweetprof You too. Though right now I have had to much red wine to understand wtf your on about x

[@storyvi9530]

@@madhusweetprof Tenacity means stubborn?

[@laurenlocd3180]

I’m done with dating 👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾 sick of the games

[@ladennayoung2939]

Pretty picture.

[@laurenlocd3180]

@@ladennayoung2939 thanks

[@RG-hf4et]

My last relationship was15 years ago. Met a few guys over the years. Nobody has interested me. I am happier alone. No bs. No nonsense.

[@Sugarlips321]

Yup

[@head_in_the_clouds]

I hear you!

[@fenekaduguda]

this is the best advice ever on not being pushy...knowing your worth and letting people be however they choose to be

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Fene

[@kevinobrien5293]

How about when it's reversed. Woman who pulls away? I'm not like the shallow men Susan is talking about.

[@kevinobrien5293]

Yes, Fene. Exactly what I neededto hear this morning.

[@zaink7037]

@@kevinobrien5293 hey Kevin. Know your self worth. Don't chase of go out of your way for someone who does not commit to you. Been there with the last girl I liked. She broke my heart getting married to someone in her family however I found out she changed for the worst so happy I'm not with her. One example I can give is there was this girl in my workplace who was very friendly with me and seemed to show interest. After she left the department and one meet up she seemed to pull away by not replying to my messages. I thought to myself I messaged her twice now so I've done my part and its now up to her if she wants to reply back. Don't humiliate yourself or go out of your way

[@artisankatstudios7902]

As a guy, I can say that this is spot on. When men get confused emotionally, we tend to pull away and shut down a bit. Like a bear going back to its cave. If a woman then goes chasing after him (Especially aggressively and negatively), it will make (Usually, if the guy has any spark inside of himself) a giant argument / fight / breakup. However, if the woman gives him some time to himself, goes and does her stuff, he will come out of the cave like 'Hey, where is my Honey? :s' and wander back to her ;) I will add that it's also important then for the woman to say like 'Dear, what's wrong? Why did you get scared / angry /confused etc?' Then he will (Or, I will...) be ready to talk about things and sort feelings. Even as thoughtful and contemplative as I can be, I find these emotions (From life...) at times confusing. We (Men) are not allowed nearly the leeway as women to express ourselves emotionally. This doesn't mean the woman should coddle the man by doing this every time (It leads to spoiled brat behaviour), just don't run after us with a rolling pin every time. Maybe once ;)

[@SusanWinter]

BRILLIANT!! Thank you Artisankat Studios. Lovely to hear the rational from a male point of view. You've made a great contribution to this page.

[@sunnychic7414]

I agree and would add that some women go through this exact cycle as well; I certainly do. When I get confused, it seems easier to compartmentalize the man, even if I care about him a lot, and put him to the side and focus on myself, until I feel comfortable and I've had the space to get clear emotionally. If a man is too aggressive or pressuring during this time, my strong feelings can change quickly. However, if he let's me know that he cares, while still giving me space, then I eventually come back to him, I actually think that this can be connected to some of the attachment theories regarding childhood parent/child relationships and how much emotional intimacy we are comfortable with. Anyways, I usually take this approach with a man, since it is how I operate and like to be treated.

[@aliensexistsandimtheprove4712]

Artisankat Studios umm my boy did this and I didn't chase or argue with him at all but I blocked him on social media I mean fb but he still follows me on Instagram , he didn't talk to me since I blocked him (it's about 10 days now or more) do you think I did wrong by blocking him without saying anything/ should I text him saying sorry ??

[@99leilagross]

Thank you for that...it was very good advice

[@bellat4076]

Unfortunately most of the times it's not the case though. Men do that because they like to CONTROL situations not because they are just confused. But anyhow, gentlemen, you need to understand that coping up with this pulling away for anyone even for women that are queen of solving issues is VERY VERY difficult. And as you can see Susan says 'only the first time'. It is one of the worst things that a person can do. Just because we are talking about how to deal with it, doesn't mean that the original act is not selfish and cruel. It is very cruel and disrespectful. ALL you need to do is to communicate! That is all. 'Hey I think I need some time.' Dont just disappear. Men are allowed to communicate their feelings. The only thing that stops them from doing that is that they think it makes them look vulnerable and weak and stuff. It is inside themselves.

[@99leilagross]

This is absolutely the best dating advice I have received... I am currently in a dating situation where I have very strong feelings for this man, but lately he has been somewhat distant. He has not told me that he wants to break up and not see me again but he is not reaching out to me in the way I would like him to. I miss him very much and would like to spend more time with him. After watching this video, I have gained tremendous insight and encouragement. Thank you so much Susan. 😊

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for your awesome note, LeeLee

[@lisafeola1705]

Leelee G omg exactly what im Going thru horrible

[@monp.4903]

And what happened next? Did he come back?

[@GoogleUser-wy2vv]

These videos helped through the most painful loss...i could barely breathe. You are a healer and a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for your life saving work.

[@pheabe]

Susan I love your videos and beautiful energy. When a man pulls away from me, for me is an END...no consistency, no frequency so for me is GOODBYE! And I don’t nor I am interested in rekindle or reconnect. Most of the time this happens early stage of dating and pulling away adds up to other behaviours that show disrespect and uninterested. I have no patience to give them space in my life when they show up strong interest at the beginning and then I am not priority. 💃🏻🌷

[@SusanWinter]

Penny, you know yourself. I agree. We live in an odd time period where finding a meaningful connection can be harder to attain. That's why some people hang on, and keep hoping. Glad you have the method that works for you!

[@janemurphey8168]

Penny... you go girl. In most cases If it's not deliberate Manipulation it is a pattern that repeats itself. Hoping life is good to you and you found the kind of relationship you deserve

[@storyvi9530]

Everytime he pulled away from me I loved him less. One day he pulled himself away and another man pushed himself in. I didn't cheat, I just replaced trash with treasure. No regrets. Looking back i think we women make too many excuses for bad men. They can make their own excuses.

[@Sunny_456]

@@janemurphey8168 It only repeats itself if you keep on chasing instead of giving him the space he needs. You have to respect his needs too.

[@chooselove4all574]

If only I came across this video 10 years ago! I used to panic when my most significant ex pulled away. I didn't realize till much later that I loved him so much that his pulling away was re-creating my abandonment fears, i.e. subconsciously triggering my deepest childhood fears when my dad would get cold/angry toward me and I thought I was going to die. Once I did a LOT of self-work (years!), I finally got to the place of loving non-attachment more and more, so that I am more comfortable allowing people to fluidly go and come without reacting so much.

[@darkoshmarko]

Chooselove 4all, I relate to this so much ❤️

[@theverticalgiraffe2102]

This was written two years ago but thank you for writing this! I hope to also become more comfortable with non-attachment

[@bhurley1743]

You are an amazing woman Susan! I'm a 30 year old man and found myself pulling back for the reasons you said. More often then not I pull away when girls act indifferent or more specifically girls who show no emotions of appreciation that displays they value my time/worth.

[@charmm2773]

i need to hear this today. it’s been 4 days of no contact. he said he needs time to himself. i asked him if he wants to break up.. “he said he doesn’t want to, it’s just him.” so i respected it and i went back to being busy and working out every day to keep my mind off it.

[@dantesaid4718]

Susan I must say ... you make so much sense when you explain a subject matter... I'm usually the conversationalist in the bunch but I could listen to you all day!.. great job!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Dante!

[@GENRTS]

Susan, I've learned so much from your channel about this dynamic and have had great results... Both men and women have a certain degree of anxiety getting when into romantic relationships. If a love interest starts pulling away, it's important to empower each other by recognizing each other's worth and giving space. Employing the scarcity principle and not chasing badgering or prematurely pressuring him. Hopefully, if the original attraction was legit, he will be thinking about your absence more and more and craving reconnection.

[@SusanWinter]

Wow, Adrienne. What incredible insight. Love the way you think, and how you're approaching this entire genre. Thanks for your note, and I hope you continue to see videos you like.

[@GENRTS]

Absolutely! Thanks for your reply and sharing your wisdom

[@janellecovington6905]

I just watched this about 10x.... by far the best most practical advice I’ve heard!! Going through this exact scenario after the guy I was with for only a week had major trauma in his personal life. He’s got to emotionally heal now. Bad timing for me but now that I understand what’s going on I can focus on living and have open arms if/when he returns.

[@hahadarrie]

Men moving forward emotionally will then pull back in physical action. I'm experiencing this now.

[@daniellem578]

I was briefly dating a guy but it was casual. He was ALWAYS busy and I felt it was a red flag. He would mainly txt me. And make excuses why he couldn't talk on the phone. So one day we did finally have a date & afterward he got mad when I refuse to give him sex. I cut him off. I knew he wasn't serious about me and the fact that he was mad over sex and we weren't even in a relationship was a red flag for me. I told him I wish him the best and take care.

[@zan752000]

I am binge watching each video, Susan your wonderful.

[@SusanWinter]

LOVE IT!! Thank you zan!!

[@MiuArtStudioUK]

Hi Susan, If i watched your video 5 years ago I could maybe have saved my marriage, but well, I wouldn't be able to understand. So, girls, if you are watching this, I ensure you with my experiences, Susan is right and her guidance will work for most of men. Thank you Susan, much appreciated 🙏

[@Nlb2316]

I just did everything you said and I nearly pulled my hair out because I was so anxious but I said no I'm ignoring him not being available to him...so the whole weekend I was super busy I ignored his calls and texts and one's I did respond to it was short and after waiting to answer. He felt it right away and was blowing me up. So after I kept it up he was like heI think we need to talk and I was trying to remain bubbly which wad super hard but I did and was like what do we need to talk about then he brought it uo so I gently brought up everything not accusatory and stayed positive. He actually apologized and said he didn't realize how strong his feelings were for me and he said he didn't like that feeling and told me to never let him pull away again. I'm on cloud 9 literally but I am still cautious and listening to you 😉

[@Nlb2316]

I made him wonder even more by not posting anything on social media even though he knew I was out he mentioned how that made him worry about me meeting other guys. He basically pulled back from me this is the second time but this time made me feel really unsure about us.

[@slim3710]

@@Nlb2316 that's manipulation you doing it all wrong. 🤣🤣🤣

[@Nlb2316]

@@slim3710 we been together 8 months now and haven't had anymore issues just those first 2 months lol

[@kajoldave8122]

The same thing happened to me. This guy who was super into me started pulling away. But i just saw this video. And i reacted in a way which every lady would. I wanted to talk things out and just exploded and fought with him. Now i don't know what to do anymore. I am just being super casual and talking like we are just friends. But i want him to be the way he was before he pulled away

[@slim3710]

@@kajoldave8122 first mistake " I reacted in a way which every lady would" 1. be a leader not a follower. 2. You Want more but act indifferent ( tell him or don't act like his friend cause we slow af) It seems like your playing games. He was into you but you giving mix signals he then pulled away cause feelings for a guy is scary and we don't know how to express outselves. You fought with him which makes it worse and on top of that you being super casual and friendly is another mixed signal since you clearly want more. At this point he probably didn't give up but he not gonna put himself out there untill you give 50/50. This is from a guy perspective btw 😁

[@5339kimH]

This is the BEST advice I have heard:)

[@SusanWinter]

I'm happy to read this, Kim. Thanks for your comment!

[@erikaharrison4558]

Kim H I totally agree and it does work.

[@SusanWinter]

Erika Harrison, so good to read this comment. Thank you!!

[@SusanWinter]

I'm really happy for you! Thanks for telling me.

[@2legit2Kwit]

Excellent advice. Wow. Wish I would have known this years ago.

[@chempanda6388]

This was the thing that screwed me up so much. My fear of men taking space really came from my ex who did that because he was planning to breakup with me. Now the new guy whose not a real ex feels like an ex.

[@lauramartinez5867]

chempanda same, i once had a boyfriend that sent me weird mixed signals and at the end i found out he was dating another girl. Now, years later, i get defensive everytime i feel someone is doing the same because im afraid it can happen again :(

[@Petra20121]

Samee

[@Kellyyy44]

Same

[@bridgetmccarthy7333]

I’m in my 50s... this is the first time this has happened to me.... he pulled away after a talk about our relationship after months of great dating. He dropped the fear of commitment bomb on me Monday and I haven’t had contact with him since......

[@calideeholmes6822]

Susan i so love your videos... you are Spot On! let me run something by you... there's another term out here for this kind of behavior... it's called "GOING GHOST"... you know the deal no call... no texts... last minute exscuses or no shows... so i say if he/she wants to disappear... let them... and as i mentioned in one of your other videos it's all about MTV(My Time Is Valuable)... so when he/she returns(and they always do) they (the Ghost) will see that life goes on without them... i have no patience for bad manners... i don't play those games and no one else should have to either...

[@SusanWinter]

CALIDEE HOLMES I love this line, "I have no patience for bad manners." That's exactly what it is. And good for you and your personal motto:MTV!

[@1always]

Excellent! Everything I'm going through and now I feel validated and not crazy! Thank you!

[@SusanWinter]

You're not crazy! You know, what you know. Pulling away makes anyone feel crazy because there's no explanation. Hang in there. Take care of yourself.

[@emilyrodriguez6237]

Susan Winter I'm always making the effort with my guy. I'm texting sometimes call with no response. He's hot one moment cold the next. When he would act funny I'll get cold and he'll notice but when I pull away from my guy he won't message me or call me at all. He'll get completely cold towards me.

[@SusanWinter]

Emily, please don't ignore these red flags. Hot and cold behavior is a no-win situation.. Whatever you've told yourself is admirable about this guy, now is the time to mentally undo all of that. I'm sorry to tell you this but I have to speak straight. It's best to move forward.

[@Catherineschoice]

Thank you Susan, once again! I took your advice a few months ago about not giving any more energy to the man who I’d been waiting years for, and the Universe handed me a new man. He is in that first pulling away phase and it’s killing me but I’m working on myself and focusing on my workouts while he ponders what we started, which was very sudden and very strong. I hope he does come out of his cave, but if he doesn’t, I have to accept it and I’ll know my value stays intact for someone else to discover.

[@Kellyyy44]

Yes!!!

[@glitterboxglitterbox1939]

He is he’s married now and I feel like a stepping stone., I feel like he has either used me to get to someone else or is using this new person against me or he has really moved on without me though!

[@adasanti7312]

You are totally right and I know it works but it is just so scary to let go. But gotta be an adult and do the right thing. Thanks, Susan. ❤️

[@theverticalgiraffe2102]

Thank you so much for making this video! After dating many men and having my heart subsequently broken many times, this definitely puts things some male behavior into perspective

[@caroh2809]

Sooooo needed to hear this. Will just play this on a loop so I don’t falter.

[@piscespisces6]

Seen multiple videos on this topic and this was the best. Thank you

[@satyapersaud1488]

I agree 100 percent. Also, an eye opener on some things you mentioned. Thank you! Love the dress. You look fab!👌👌

[@Jess_sensation]

Susan, could you make a video on second or subsequent cycle(s) of pulling away?

[@anushkafernando7046]

besttt advice by far on this .. and spot on

[@dahliakazan7228]

I am glad I found your video because I am devastated by a recent pullback from a shy quiet reserved gentleman I've fallen for. We commuted back home from training class for the company we both are employed with. I pulled him out of his shell with my usual exuberance. I'd spot him at a distance and draw him into a group of casual conversation. It dawned on me that this meant a lot to him, and we developed a ritual where we'd sit closely together and have a friendship conversation. I explored the possibility of falling in love with him and it happened! Before this, we were happily in like and expressed how good it was to have each other's company to share the day and a ride home. He was courtly and gentlemanly in manners, and I'd notice the way he'd gaze at me so attentively. If I had a horrible day in class where I could do nothing right, he'd wait for me the bus stand and from a far distance I could see his eyes filled with genuine care and compassion and he'd comfort me with very kind encouraging words. I got a sense he was progressing closer by his gazes and light innocent taps. But on the last day at class, I was horrified that he would not even look at me in the hallway. He was seated behind me and when I tried engaging in conversation he'd appear cold and disinterested. Class ended earlier than usual and instead of waiting for me to travel home together, I noticed he hightailed out of school in a real hurry. I couldn't believe this coldness and I was so hurt. Others had noticed us getting close and would stare at us and tease, so obviously I am not delusional. I was so confounded that I decided to email him about stuff at work and in the last line, I told him I missed him as a travel companion and thanked him for his wonderful friendship. He started a sentence by reciprocating but then lied that he must have caught the later bus and was sorry he didn't say goodby. I am so hurt and humiliated because a class member noticed his absence where we generally met rubbed it in. I am 11 years older but he did tell me that his single 80-something mother is in a relationship with someone 20 years younger. He looks so painfully lonely sometimes and anxious. But when I am with him he feels empowered and full of life. I intuitively expected this to happen as I am also somewhat paralyzed by my strong love for him. I just feel so much better hearing you discuss this matter. Thank you.

[@sophiadamary476]

Thanks Susan. This came exactly at the right time. It's been tough for me but now I know how to handle it. I do appreciate.

[@SusanWinter]

Sophia, I'm happy that you've shared that with me. Now, you have options. And you have a game plan that's empowering.

[@MsLatinera]

Has he come back yet?

[@sterneprinzessin]

You deserve a prize Susan for mentioning that men who are falling in love might pull back on a physical level. Can you explain more about it in another video?

[@fifimom4173]

Thank you Susan,, i am in this situation right now i real like this guy,,i'm trying hard to give him space..

[@TheDenicija]

Hi, Susan! I'm a woman and the one who usually pulls away. That's because I've given too much of myself in the past and I am afraid to do that again. If I get too close, I feel I can't breathe, and that I'm losing my freedom :) If the man makes me feel unconstrained in that period, then I start breathing again and I go back to him. So, as a female doing the pulling away, I just want to convey - it has nothing to do with the other person, it's a personal issue. And how the other party (the one who's affected) acts the first time, is crucial.

[@SusanWinter]

How brave of you to admit this, and to clearly know its origins. It's self-protection. Thank you Vivian. I'd be interested to know if you tell a prospective partner (that you like) about this tendency.

[@TheDenicija]

Thank you, Susan, for acknowledging my honesty :))) I think you're right, that it is some kind of self-protective mechanism. You're also giving the right advice. Sometimes, it's not me, it's my partner who pulls away. But, since I know what's going on in him, I do not fret. I just let him do his thing, while I do mine. I do not even think about the situation. Days can go by without me thinking about it. Sometimes I don't even bother to phone or text. I am too engrossed into my own activities. It doesn't mean that I don't care. It actually means the opposite. And then - he comes back! Or I come back :D

[@sunnychic7414]

Yes, me too Vivian Vandermeer. I do the exact same thing and it has nothing to do with my feelings for the guy.

[@tiffanyobinyan7339]

Wow I needed this , I'm going threw this right now ,

[@yvonnecelona9034]

I wish í had this advice about a year ago...but always learning...thank you🌷

[@Aprilhojazz]

I have a thought thou. It's almost impossible to tell when a man pulls away is it because they want to figure things out or they are done with you especially after intimacy. Pulling out can be no contact or much less. But if his attitude changed from warm and fuzzy to cold and distance, it is very difficult to take. We will probably only find out after some time. If a man needs space he might need a couple of days and they will reappear. But if a man is just scamming you then you will never hear from them or may be weeks and months until he strikes again. Those waiting moments are so tough when you really like him. Like a rescue team for a disaster, the longer it finds survivors the less hope there are survivors. All I can say is don't go too deep too fast initially. Take care of your heart. Thank you for the brilliant advice.

[@anpe6524]

hahahahahah "Like a dog" "Happy and exploring...suddenly they realize they're being out for a while" HILARIOUS.

[@SusanWinter]

Anceli Peguero glad you liked the analogy. I'm a dog lover, and I love men. Surprisingly similar.

[@aashiguptaofficiall]

Hey my guy looks confused....last year he was leaving because of the no future fear but i asked him to stay if he feels for me...then now i just said that if u r not happy u can leave....he said last yead when i said about leaving, u got so insecured to leave me...so i decided that i will not leave you till the time u feel its right being together withoit future..... So i asked dat means all your i love u nd sex nd love was fake? He said no if it was that fake then i would never have given tym to u even wen i have thjs hectic schedule..i wud not wear ur fav shirts So shud i leave him so dat he can realize if he actually loves me or wat shud i do? Long distance rltnship I feel he loves me can see in his eyes.. But want ur suggestion

[@johnsprince3924]

@Aashi gupta So you ask him not to leave you and he didn't leave you, but when you announced the requirement that he like or tolerate your crap, he seems confused huh? Honestly you should probably leave him so he can move on to a female that will value, respect and provide some emotional support to her man. I know if a woman leaves me for any reason, I look at her as beyond stupid. I've never actually seen it illicit any desire at all to go chasing after her like some weak emotionally out of control low value beta provider. Your man might just fall on his knees in agony at your departure though. If you want that sort of fella.

[@youtoo2233]

Great info! Im only 50 and have had a rocky marriage for 30 years, still married but haven't really been a couple in a few years. I grew up watching my grandparents be like this, sleeping in separate rooms, I never thought I would become like them. It's very strange how it's now awkward to be alone with the mother of my kids in our own house. Three of our four kids still live with us and there's no doubt we will be getting a divorce once they are on their own. This is not uncommon. Sad how all this came about by some bad things that happened over the years. We have had a lot of in-law problems among other things, and my wife has not always been faithful which i eventually realized she never really was cut out for marriage if you can't commit to just one person. Honestly I'm so burnt out on trying to make our relationship work that right now I could care less if I ever even date another woman again. It would be nearly impossible to date a woman who doesn't have some kind of baggage from past relationships, I'm done with drama

[@MamaFunkGrooveJunky]

Finally a woman who speaks sense! Thank you!

[@ConsulenzaPersonale]

This is so thought provoking and profound, thank you Susan for this great video. I love the way you present those topics with know-how and sweetness :) I have subscribed to your channel. Thank you for your work!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Nicole! So happy you've joined my KZbin family.

[@wendywen007]

hi susan, i like yours the most. It gave me more insight not only relationship, but also human being. we(both requent traveller) always find a way to meet and texting for couple weeks. After last two days we spend time together, i got some confusion from him which i don't like that..i didn't know what is going on but i believe we can't force other people like us. I am glad that i watched your video at the right time, and decided to give him space and invest in myself now.

[@SusanWinter]

Wendy Wen love that you say you're "reinvesting in yourself." That's a crucial step in self-reliance, and drawing another person to us when they've been pulling away. Brava!

[@aashiguptaofficiall]

Hey my guy looks confused....last year he was leaving because of the no future fear but i asked him to stay if he feels for me...then now i just said that if u r not happy u can leave....he said last yead when i said about leaving, u got so insecured to leave me...so i decided that i will not leave you till the time u feel its right being together withoit future..... So i asked dat means all your i love u nd sex nd love was fake? He said no if it was that fake then i would never have given tym to u even wen i have thjs hectic schedule..i wud not wear ur fav shirts So shud i leave him so dat he can realize if he actually loves me or wat shud i do? Long distance rltnship I feel he loves me can see in his eyes.. But want ur suggestion

[@theadviser123]

I love who you are as a person. You are so beautiful. You are so kind in how you address everything. I love it! You're awesome!

[@LadyofCleves65]

OMG this is sooo right. I am keeping myself busy. You are the best.

[@ellesocal6121]

Excellent video! Much help...thank you!

[@veronique1000]

Going through this now... this is thee best advice I've heard... Thank you

[@mariejones7136]

Yes im dating a guy who pulls away. Now I know what to do. Thank you

[@mnmlst1]

Have trust in ourselves and in our own worth. This is so true.

[@Dwightinho56]

Totally agree. Been there, done that.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for the note!

[@sterneprinzessin]

Best advice ever! My date just pulled away... I will keep still, do my thing and see if he swings back... I think in the very beginning, they even do it quite often when emotions are slowly building up? It is hard for us women to stand like a rock... how do I know the difference between this healthy mechanism for men and someone who is too afraid for a relationship / letting me down / making a fool of me?

[@Kellyyy44]

Right like is he actually just needing time to process emotions or ? Is he playing me... it's really hurtful when they go no contact and I feel either way we shouldn't have to deal with this. Guess it just depends on if you think it's worth it but I guess time will tell and then you can decide. Remember that the ball is ultimately in your court and it's up to you! I know it's hard though. It's always hard when you think you have a good thing and then stuff like this (rather unexpectedly) happens but as Susan mentioned in another video, if they are emotionally unavailable then they were already this way before you guys met!

[@sterneprinzessin]

@@Kellyyy44 Very well said! Things turned out ugly for me with this man. But your words sooth me - surely he was like this before. Totally emotionally unavailable. He has a new girlfriend now and in the beginning it hurt a lot. But well, not sure if he is that differently to her in the long-term...

[@flipzychick1307]

Wow, Susan. This is of great help to me! Thanks a lot!

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent. Thanks Eliza.

[@MimiCoco-gt7zo]

Change my actions & let the results come to me

[@jolantabona3050]

WOW! I watched this video maybe 10 times! Thank you VERY MUCH for this knowledge. What a life saver xx

[@SusanWinter]

HI Jolanta. So happy this video has been of help to you. Thanks for your note, and wishing you well!

[@eliezra02]

Such a relief to hear a woman who understands a man's position

[@JulieMinasian]

Thank you so much! God bless you. I feel a sense of relief after listening to this!!

[@greggarrett903]

Excellent advice. Very articulate and coherent. Love it.

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Greg.

[@2legit2Kwit]

Best advice ever

[@queenjee8570]

On point Susan! Love it! Hoping he comes bk but if not his loss

[@sejalkothari6687]

Timely guidance! Thank you dear...❤️

[@l.q.1253]

Excellent coaching/sharing/advice. . I agree.

[@alisoncanty1894]

Thank you, Susan. I needed to hear this now.

[@niamhgannon]

I really really needed this today to get a clear mindset. Thank you so much

[@SusanWinter]

Awesome! Thanks for letting me know!

[@Kellyyy44]

@@SusanWinter we love you, Susan!!!! Truly!!!

[@verac6731]

You explained that so well, thanks!

[@SusanWinter]

You are welcome.

[@LadyofCleves65]

I really enjoy your videos.

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Lady.

[@bluenile9020]

Thats just what ive done told him to get a Life. Ive Moved on. This on & off for 7 yrs. Im Tired. And Not turning around. On my Own.

[@ThisisDaniel]

Great analysis Susan, I love your concise delivery 😎

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Daniel. Thank you for your kind message. Wishing you well!

[@lucyjones955]

Thanks Susan! This came at a perfect time. I listened to this twice. Lesson learned for me. I usually react the other way you described. I'm going to try your method. Thanks Again! Your videos are amazing!!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Lucy. Yes, it takes real mental discipline to do the opposite of our natural impulse. But normally the 'opposite' of what's expected is the key to unraveling games.

[@lucyjones955]

Amen!!

[@MsLatinera]

Have you been successful? :)

[@strive09]

I love watching your videos susan winters this does make perfect sense sending hugs and kisses ❤

[@sairahali3875]

its clear my mind ,thanks a lot,

[@SusanWinter]

Happy to read this! Thanks for watching.

[@kittylover8975]

You are amazing! You're my new guide in the dating world!

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks, Kitty Lover.

[@bodybyyaa6520]

This is so perfect timing!

[@wendyquesada6017]

Sigh... I just experienced this and did not handle it the way I would have liked to. I apologised but he said we should go our separate ways since it is early to have "sadness" between us. I'm awake. I don't believe he is but seems very open to what I talk about. Was sad for it to stop. Thank you for the video.

[@wendyquesada6017]

I think online dating isn't a proper venue for conscious dating. Who knows.

[@SusanWinter]

Wendy, I wish you well. Sorry for your experience. I hope this video helped you.

[@SusanWinter]

It's a tough medium. You know nothing of this person. You can only gain bits and pieces through your interaction. I agree. Take heart. Not everyone online is whimsical, confused or a player. There are good people out there, just as yourself, who're also looking to find a sane and rational mate who can love.

[@SusanWinter]

HI Wendy. Online dating is a "blind purchase." It's difficult to know who or what the person is (really) behind their profile. There's lots of room for error and little tangible, provable information. I'm sure your reaction was well founded. It didn't come out of nowhere. He didn't want to "deal" with a real relationship's highs and lows. I"m glad you're watching these videos. You'll have some great ammunition in the form of information. I wish you the very best. Thanks for your note.

[@wendyquesada6017]

Susan Winter you are right about my reaction. He explained to me that he has a "process" where he lines up 5 or 6 women who make sense (not joking) and then meets them and decides which to move forward with. I truly felt like he was maybe over compensating making this up because it seemed so ridiculous to tell me. We were chatting for a week, had a really great first date, then he tells me he still has another date the next night. I lost it. He told me he was very interested but needed to meet this other women just to see. But I would have liked to have remained composed and not unleashed my anger on him. Maybe it's for the best.

[@adelano99]

Hej from Sweden!! I just discovered your videos last night and I really got a lot from them so thank you!!

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for the shout out, Andrea from Sweden. Much appreciated. Glad to have you in my KZbin family!

[@alolo1429]

this was very helpful, thank you!!!

[@Tluv_1955]

Omg this is so helpful Thankyouuu

[@MB-qm2re]

Truly amazing and best advice I have heard! Thank you so much.

[@SusanWinter]

Great to hear this, Maryam B. Thank you!!

[@marciacapell1541]

Allowing them to move at their own pace displays trust on your part. Waiting is okay. Its almost always worth the wait! 😇 Otherwise they might get spooked and scared off for good. Lol. No worries. He will come back eventually. ❤️

[@sixinchhiheels]

I needed to read this. I keep going back and forth in my head about his behavior and after reading your comment, I was reminded of that fact I am dealing with a rather shy guy here and I have discovered shy guys are genuine. I'm sick of these loser boy players and, you are right. Waiting is ok. It's ALWAYS worth the wait. Thank you for your comment, Marcia. :)

[@marciacapell1541]

@@sixinchhiheels Hi Lori! 😇youre welcome! Its like finding your love language 😂 I discovered there was a definite pattern showing up! 😂 It was everytime I made a move to show I had love feelings for him, he would back off. So I waited and the next time we were together ( he did come back lolol ) I began to see a pattern lol, I made a move expressing love and again he backed off so every other time he got braver to show his emotions. He was very cautious to not let those show until he felt safe to do that 😂 It was like a chess game moving pieces back and forth, his move then mine until it became our own ( love language!) Guys are careful moderators of their feelings for sure. They are slower to realize their feelings than girls. They catagorize their feelings according to logic so they put certain emotions on hold when they are busy with other distractions like work or worries or other responsibilities so it takes them longer to get in touch with their feelings. But girls are different. We do not need to catagorize everything in boxes like planters before we find the one we need to express 😂 Girls already know what we feel and we are ready to express it lolo! So heres the guy dragging his heels 🙄🙄🙄 while we twiddle our thumbs wondering what the heck is going on 🤣🤣🤣 We have our emotions in one big bundle which overwhelms a guy into sheer panic! Lol. I thought I lost but during the time I slowed down waiting for him to catch up ( they are soooo slow! ) something amazing happened! HE CAME BACK!! 🥰🥰🥰 So then I knew what worked! I accidently discovered our LOVE LANGUAGE 😁😁😁🥳🤩 omg it works! At least it did for me, so I think its a pretty good guess that it should for others in this delema of love! 😂🥰❤️💗💕💕💕💕 and prayers help one heck of a lot! God hears and he guides and that is the biggest comfort when youre missing the man you love. Knowing God has your back. ✝️🙏🙏🙏 he came back quicker and more loving after asking God to please bring him back. 🥰👍 Talk to him just like hes your dad! He is afterall your heavenly father and he doesnt need formality! 😂 whooohoo!! Horray!!

[@sixinchhiheels]

@@marciacapell1541 I LOVE your comments! And yes, God does have our back. My dear friend tells me the same 'talk to God like he's your dad' Yes, God hears and guides us back. The power of prayer. You're awesome, Marcia. Thank you and God Bless You. :)

[@marciacapell1541]

@@sixinchhiheels Hi new friend! 🥰😇 Good luck with your love life, and God bless you too!! 😇❤️✝️

[@sixinchhiheels]

@@marciacapell1541 Thank you, Marcia! :)

[@strawberryjpeg6000]

I needed to hear this thankyou you put it clear

[@Rodeo-iz7cg]

As a man, usually when I pull back it’s because the woman is pulling back so I try to give her space. Unfortunately a lot of women pull back and don’t realize they are doing it, they pull back because they are bored, stressed, or whatever and then don’t communicate with their man why they are pulling back…so then when I pull back to give her space but then she realizes this and decides to pull away further, the relationship falls apart. But then if I try to communicate like “hey I noticed youve been distant blah blah”. The response I usually get is a “I have been? I’m sorry, everything is fine!”. Then I try to dig deeper but get no where and then she has resentment with me thinking something is wrong and it just makes things worse. It’s a vicious cycle and literally the most challenging thing in a relationship I’ve experienced.

[@1artistvocalist]

Thank you, Susan..I really needed to hear this tonight!

[@SusanWinter]

HI Karen. So glad you found what you needed! Thanks for your comment.

[@1artistvocalist]

My pleasure! :)

[@saraa1982]

you are very knowledgeable, Susan. Thanks for all that you do.

[@SusanWinter]

That's very thoughtful, Sara. Thank you!

[@saraa1982]

if only I had your cool and calm with men. I have my claws out and fanged bared in comparison :)

[@SusanWinter]

Sara A That's an automatic response with many women. BUT-the trick is to create a better outcome. Think it through. "If I take this action, what type of response will I get?" This is where a smart woman can turn the table on an errant man, gain his respect and have her own dignity.

[@happysinger23]

You are one of the best things to watch on youtube!

[@madihaarshad8343]

The most focused answer in KZbin 👍

[@tatianagavrilina962]

i just love your videos! Thank you

[@shelleysanders9666]

A highly articulate description..

[@MA7-6585]

You are so practicle. Thank you.....

[@shitherdadsays9296]

Thanks for this!

[@nomagugumokoena7087]

me and my boyfriend got into a huge fight he didn't call nor speak to me, I apologized coz I was wrong on my part I kept on texting him asking him where do we stand, sending him audios n all wanting to know where we stand and all, first of all It was my first time experiencing such so I don't know how to handle that kind of situation, I nagged and nagged until I eventually got his attention, he told me that this thing of texting non stop is actually pushing him away as a man he needs to reflect and let him deal with issues his own way, he told me that sending him text after text is just not doing it n I need to stop applying pressure on him etc, ok I apologized and made it clear that such will never happen again now I know better, but then again I still feel like he's distant so I'm just taking it one step at a time, so ill be going over to see him which I wanna tell him or let him know that I acknowledge that I applied pressure on him but then again I don't wanna dance around the same topic coz hes very short tempered and I don't wanna be too much for him, but I just let him know that I'm not the clingy, needy type of a women it was just an honest mistake. Hope things get back to the way they where before this whole thing of me sending 100 messages a day lol ok not 100 but a lot

[@margaritakleinman5701]

Simply excellent advice, thank you so much!!

[@WhySoSeriouuus]

I love this. Thank you so much, Susan.😊

[@user-yk9sk7pg6v]

Thank you, Susan

[@quinegbe2877]

Thank you. this is the best ever and that's what am doing before I heard this CU's my fiance has pulled back with no reason

[@cyndemaegentapa467]

Great advice :) Thank You, this Popped up on my video Suggestions Just when I needed It.

[@Lady_Jewels]

I keep watching these videos about what to do when he goes cold, pulls away, ghosts, leaves you on read, etc.... but I still can't help myself. I know that I'm in love with the idea of him & the dream of a life with him, but I can't help myself ATM. And being stuck at home in quarantine isn't helping either one of us. He really is a good man, just hurt bad from previous relationships. Or maybe a narcissist... 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ PS. I know for sure he's not with anyone else. He's struggling with this pandemic too.

[@aprilhansen7468]

It’s sad when the one you love disappears. The none affectionate marriage. He only loves me when I’m down. But when I give him and show him my world and all my sunshine from within my soul. He becomes a shadow. Distant, cold and silent. He says our marriage is just fine. It’s only me that feels this way. The bottom of bare minimum. Is what I receive. Because long hugs makes him Uncomfortable. Now when he’s near my heart sinks. My heart use to be full and nourished. Now it just aches in his presence. I see in his eyes he chose to settle. But he’s too much of a coward. In the end I know he would not fight for me He would rather watch me go. I have a broken heart too. Which is why I stay. I ignore all the red flags. To be perfectly damaged.

[@titag.1607]

3wks ago he opened up and said he cared and liked me, couple days later said that he will be my feature husband. The past 2wks i noticed he pulled back waaaaay back. He has no longer contacted me, i texted him 1wk ago and he replied. He has not initiated contact, i have also pulled back, trusting if hes the man for me he will come back on his own.

[@sasherful]

I'll watch this everyday