David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences | Lex Fridman Podcast

David Buss is an evolutionary psychologist at UT Austin. He is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His current research is on sex differences in mate selection, mate attraction, infidelity, and the emotions of jealousy, lust, and love. Please support this podcast by checking out our sponsors:
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EPISODE LINKS:
David's Twitter: / profdavidbuss
David's Website: labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/
The Evolution of Desire (book): amzn.to/3kyBdTt
Evolutionary Psychology (textbook): amzn.to/3LExU9e
When Men Behave Badly: amzn.to/3y3bRVM
PODCAST INFO:
Podcast website: lexfridman.com/podcast
Apple Podcasts: apple.co/2lwqZIr
Spotify: spoti.fi/2nEwCF8
RSS: lexfridman.com/feed/podcast/
Full episodes playlist: • Lex Fridman Podcast
Clips playlist: • Lex Fridman Podcast Clips
OUTLINE:
0:00 - Introduction
2:19 - Sex vs Violence
9:04 - Mating strategies
21:00 - Social construct of beauty
24:54 - Evolution of mating evaluation
28:56 - Mating selection desires
34:08 - Difficulties of monogamy
40:32 - Importance of male appearance
43:08 - Importance of wealth
46:23 - Penis and breasts
50:15 - Fashion
53:14 - Body objectification
1:00:49 - Wear sunscreen
1:07:45 - Gender
1:24:54 - What motivates humans
1:26:44 - Dominance and submissiveness
1:34:49 - Johnny Depp defamation trial
1:44:40 - Jealousy
1:53:00 - Mate poaching
1:57:13 - Polyamory
2:08:29 - Female vs Male sexuality
2:17:27 - Pornography
2:24:01 - Sex and Violence continued
2:33:10 - Cancel culture
2:44:54 - Elon Musk and Twitter
2:53:18 - Serial killers
2:59:11 - Advice for young people
3:11:12 - Love
3:17:13 - Mortality
3:21:56 - Meaning of life
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[@lexfridman]

Here are the timestamps. Please check out our sponsors to support this podcast. 0:00 - Introduction & sponsor mentions: - Notion: notion.com/startups - ExpressVPN: expressvpn.com/lexpod and use code LexPod - Roka: roka.com/ and use code LEX - Onnit: lexfridman.com/onnit - Indeed: indeed.com/lex 2:19 - Sex vs Violence 9:04 - Mating strategies 21:00 - Social construct of beauty 24:54 - Evolution of mating evaluation 28:56 - Mating selection desires 34:08 - Difficulties of monogamy 40:32 - Importance of male appearance 43:08 - Importance of wealth 46:23 - Penis and breasts 50:15 - Fashion 53:14 - Body objectification 1:00:49 - Wear sunscreen 1:07:45 - Gender 1:24:54 - What motivates humans 1:26:44 - Dominance and submissiveness 1:34:49 - Johnny Depp defamation trial 1:44:40 - Jealousy 1:53:00 - Mate poaching 1:57:13 - Polyamory 2:08:29 - Female vs Male sexuality 2:17:27 - Pornography 2:24:01 - Sex and Violence continued 2:33:10 - Cancel culture 2:44:54 - Elon Musk and Twitter 2:53:18 - Serial killers 2:59:11 - Advice for young people 3:11:12 - Love 3:17:13 - Mortality 3:21:56 - Meaning of life

[@chinor3999]

This one is good from the start

[@julianatrapkova1736]

Since you are inclined to Soviet literature maybe the masterpiece on the subject of love is Mikhail Boulgakov-The master and Margarita

[@numinouswavs]

uyeue

[@tgtgtg333]

You should ask Natalie Portman how she felt after making the movie. Interview her.

[@rouiemoran]

I see a different side of Lex on this Podcast...I like this kind of podcasts, we see more a glimpse of you

[@TyB_23]

so great for Lex to really open up for us and have his therapist on the show

[@BRAVE_NEW_1984]

lollll...

[@ynwa9621]

😂

[@animalcrew882]

This is brilliant !

[@timwoytula5416]

Hahaha 👍

[@ericupton5901]

😂😂

[@ndndndnnduwjqams]

Please bring more evolutionary psychologists! They are extremely interesting.

[@tomwright9904]

Hmm, also depressing and at times confirmatory if preexisting opinions.

[@BOZ_11]

@@tomwright9904 obtain resources, give to the ones with no Y chromosome

[@IceColdProfessional]

They turn betas into alphas.

[@dawsyndemott6016]

@@tomwright9904 reality is often depressing. That’s why there’s such a movement lately to hide truth and replace it with things that “feel good” and don’t hurt feelings. Confirming old opinions is okay if they’re logical and accurate.

[@jwallace6913]

Gad Saad

[@normstoner5603]

My man lex is hunting for a girlfriend like a robot. Must have data for copulation

[@tomwright9904]

Seeing a dating coach, putting out ads on KZbin "why lex is single" (I.e. lex is available guys)

[@normstoner5603]

@@tomwright9904 i salute the game. He could be pulling in large numbers

[@kayligo]

Does not compute can not copulate lol

[@benjaminbronson3824]

May the search provide a lifetime of adventure with a very special lady! Much love friends

[@theafterpartyparty]

Lol like 99% of people don’t use a dating app to meet people? To quote our president: “C’mon man” Lex is doing more work than most feel entitled to just by merely signing up for a dating app. Genuine, authentic curiosity is intriguing. [to me🙋🏻‍♀️] Might not be in the direction most women actually seek out.. but *some* women might be gushing for this …. 🤷🏻‍♀️😵‍💫😬🤔😏 Also.. Bitches are weird. 🙋🏻‍♀️

[@oneofus6924]

i wish people had half of the self awareness and desire to improve as lex does. this world would be a better place.

[@chinor3999]

This will help lex get da panooch

[@sithlorddread8721]

Bitterness is the sole reason for any negative action imo

[@rughkas]

@@sithlorddread8721 Singling out anything and point the finger at the whole could be seen as the same issue. but I guess sometimes you have to be a part of an issue to fix it.

[@sithlorddread8721]

@@fVNzO you are 100% right....but I would say it is a spectrum of good and bad but it doesn't start or stop at good and bad....the spectrum goes well beyond our perception

[@demun6065]

@@rughkas amen!

[@ovocow9512]

The Evolution of Desire by David Buss. If you haven't read it - read it. Stumbled upon this book as a wide-eyed 18 year old and it completely changed my perspective on not just human bonds but life in general. Seriously, the only book that ever made me feel like I had just been donkey kicked in the face by truths and reality after finishing it.

[@joaop3268]

I'm afraid to read it and be too rational in my next romantic relationships, being a complete robot analysing everything about the relation. Like "Oh, so we are staring at each other because of evolutionary things and not because of a 'magic love'"

[@JR-mp9wu]

@@joaop3268 To me it takes the mysticism out of it. American culture (not all culture) has turned love into a commodity or a religious thing. I am so thankful to live in a time where I am able to understand WHY we love. Being told what love is by culture, money or religion is kind of sad in my opinion.

[@j.w.8663]

Read Desmond Morris' The Naked Ape. It's an old classic, but fantastic factual observance of Humans and the human condition.

[@matttate920]

What was the outcome? Any long term mating success?

[@coltonfritz]

@@joaop3268 feeel a connection with someone, if its mutual.. buy the ticket and take the ride. for good or bad you will have shared life with someone. I dont think that a book or self talk can ever prepare someone for love and heartbreak. Why overthink a relationship that hasn't even happened yet?

[@thehowerd8634]

We are seriously so blessed to be living in a time where informational and thought provoking content like this is free. Lex, your podcast has truly been a gift to my life. I know you probably won’t see this but keep doing what you do and enriching our lives. Much thanks :)

[@TesiaTruitt79]

Love this acknowledgment

[@axemanarbor]

Lex your rooly unrool man

[@jugo1944]

Yeah, I particularly loved the several minute recitation of fridge magnet platitudes

[@Mmmmkaaay]

"I'm never going to kill someone..." "The night is young." Never stop being silly,Lex! 😂

[@israelg6283]

Lex gets in some bangers every now and then lol

[@Skindoggiedog]

I must have seen this syllogism fifty times today.

[@PolyglotKristian]

Around 1:40-1:44 about testing your relationship on a trip abroad. I can confirm that it works, at least in my case. I got married as an April Fool's joke with my language buddy in 2021. The marriage day was actually our 8th live encounter. Then 2 months later we had our "honeymoon", which was a 700km kayaking trip across Ukraine from Kiev to Kherson. I didn't think she was serious and ready to do it in reality, because she had no previous kayaking experience. So in the beginning of July 2021 we started the trip as friends who got married as a joke but ended the trip in Kherson in August as a couple. We faced many difficulties, starting from the physical challenge of paddling 20-30km a day. Another one was finding out how to move our kayak past the five locks along the Dnieper river. Stormy weather was sometimes against us also which is why we had to skip around 160km from the original route. After all the trip was a great success, we had a lot of fun despite all the problems and we had become a great team. We didn't talk about our marriage then but afterwards we both admitted feeling like it wasn't a joke anymore in the end of our honeymoon. Now we have lived a year together and next April Fool's Day is our 2nd anniversary already so I can highly recommend traveling together right in the beginning or just doing something challenging together to see how your partner reacts in stressful situations.

[@F1986R]

I loved this share : ) Wish you two a happy life the odds are always not so great but the way describe it makes it look promising.

[@hombreleon]

Lex explaining the “Dad Body” to Dr. Buss was hilarious 😆

[@glacialimpala]

Yeah especially since Dr. had a more correct idea than Lex. It's not slightly out of shape, it's out of shape lol which is kind of sad, because women who like that feel so because they feel more secure assuming they can't score an affair as easily + they have an excuse to be out of shape too. Really toxic!

[@Joerumbler]

@@glacialimpala disagree! Dad bod has structure. You still got the shoulders and the arms and your gut is merely a layer over what are surely abs if only you'd give up carbs. Otherwise you just fat.

[@Johnnybomb1]

Dad Bod is mostly just virtue signaling. Or perhaps a bit appealing to women who are looking for a beta and slightly submissive long-term partner. Basically a guy that's more unlikely to cheat, or run off with another woman once the children are born.

[@winesonmainchelsea6566]

@@Joerumbler it is better for women during sex as well

[@La_sagne]

@@glacialimpala dad bod is a guy with decent muscle from doing all the physically difficult chores but with the downsides of subpar nutrition especially because of beer

[@Julie_youtube_]

“[As] a scientist, I am not a political advocate. I adhere to the empirical data, and the empirical data are very clear on these matters.” Dr. Buss, on gender. I had the great privilege to study as an undergraduate under Dr Buss at UT many years ago. I’m refreshed and gladdened that he remains faithful to the scientific process amid cultural turmoil and confusion.

[@BRAVE_NEW_1984]

That's great! If I could pick my lectures they'd be by Buss, Sowell, Fridman, Peterson, Rice, Hirsi-Ali, Huberman

[@suryanshsrivastava5551]

Lex even lit up the candles in expectations of a Romantic conversation.

[@bonnie3937]

He is such a romantic. Perhaps naive in some charming ways. I love his humor, as understated it may be he is really funny. On top of that, intellectual, good looking and seems like a humble guy. Oh, and athletic and strong. (watch he and David Huberman's work. ( stuff dreams are made of, lol). I would think women would be throwing their pheromones at his feet. He obviously has great genes! .

[@proudatheist2042]

😅😅😅

[@josharseneau9196]

Ted Bundy killed my friend's sister and I have another friend who worked with him at the University law school. She didn't find him attractive whatsoever and not charming which makes me realize how our perception of him through the media is tainted. It reminds me of the quote that "Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” - Simone Weil

[@proudatheist2042]

That's awful for your friend's family. I hope they are doing well.

[@richfoster4369]

Extreme generalization of one persons experience

[@quanty30]

The banality of evil

[@Nick-kq8pg]

Maybe your friend was ugly

[@Intact-gf5zz]

​@@richfoster4369yup!!

[@koiulm84]

Got to love the candle-lit discussion on relationships 😊

[@jwallace6913]

the candle adds a lot to the overall mood of the interview, in my opinion, but perhaps i have some sentimental bias for the aesthetics of fire.. anyway, he should just cover the desk in candles :D

[@plsreleasethekraken]

missing rose petals

[@mooney228]

Lex's sense of humour is one of my favourite things about these discussions

[@jelizabethpetrie6656]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@dexraikkonen7]

It's actually a roast... a women's roast.

[@mthoodstyle]

I like the ambiance of the candles. These gentlemen set the scene for deep connection and a real heart to heart in the matters of love and relationship.

[@Dylan-ko2gj]

I laughed when I saw the title because of Lex's analytical approach to something so emotional, but it turned out to be a fascinating discussion. Cheers!

[@MadHeadzOz]

It's bollocks. Women want the D, class dismissed.

[@ElizabethVAllen]

Can't ever judge a book...Lex is brilliant!

[@nothingtoseehere5760]

So far they all are...

[@sandywitch]

“Yoga pants are one of the greatest inventions…. There’s fire, and yoga pants…. “ lol I feel the same way, Lex.

[@hopefully2224]

He was VERY clear ...he loves them because of the comfort it provides women 😉😂😂

[@hopefully2224]

I dated a guy who told me men will put up with an ugly face for a good body. 🤬 Please stop being awful.

[@pseudosmith9945]

And sun dresses

[@linamariemorrissey4998]

Literally replacing all my pants with Yoga Pants after hearing him say that

[@pravkdey]

God bless the pervs so this perv may prosper

[@katjakirsche5740]

When the SUNSCREEN poem was recited I got tears in my eyes. Thank you for presenting these beautiful lines!

[@myhandle__]

Me too

[@patricknelson7914]

"I never let schoolin' get in the way of my education" - mark twain was my high school year book quote. I was censored.. and it was left blank!! :)

[@ATFstein]

Haha Lex has the perfect amount of humor and awkwardness to make things a podcast interesting and informative

[@LabelsAreMeaningless]

This woman's opinion: - Toned is NOT dad bod. Toned is slight definition but fit overall. Could jog for miles or play sports without a problem. - Dad bod is formerly toned and now has gone soft. ('Cushion for the pushin' is obese for the record) - Musclebound is muscles upon muscles, extreme definition and almost unnatural looking. - 5'8-5'11 is a good height. 6' is ok, but more than that starts feeling off. (That's coming from someone 5'4") - as for 'endowment', I'll just say that guys who think bigger is better, are wrong. All extremes are generally bad. In life and in physical features. We wear clothing because we don't have fur anymore for temperature regulation and protection from the elements. Style is more culture based. Women have always competed for men. For the majority of time having a strong mate would mean the difference between life and death for a gene line. Quality mates were in high demand so other women would try and take the valued man for herself, which is why women tend to be protective. Most of this is subconscious at this point in history, but it's still obvious when you know what you're looking at. Men and women both compete, but men do it through physical means and women do it through more 'subtle' mental tactics (which I've never liked because I detest sneaky and underhanded mind tricks). It's rare women can fully trust each other. At least it's rare that trust isn't completely abused or utterly smashed if a guy is in the picture.

[@robinmiller871]

It's usually a pleasure to interact with a red-pilled woman. Thank you!

[@armin3057]

so he its over for lex as a 5'5 guy

[@pravkdey]

@@armin3057 he always has daddy Dillon who will hold Lex in his strong hairy arms

[@albertgualanoiii7082]

As with all of your podcasts, I am fascinated by the entire process. Lex, you are an excellent interviewer in that your thirst for knowledge and adept approach to questioning inspires deep thought before the questions that you ask are even answered. You have become my favorite source of truly thoughtful and inspiring content. Thank you.

[@Crossa]

YESSSSS YOU GOT DR. BUSS! THIS is GREAT! Been a fan of his lately. I def recommend Dr. Buss interviews and books by him! I can’t wait to listen and watch this! THANK YOU 🙏🏽

[@PivotGuardianDZ]

Really amazing how David can explain things in such simple terms

[@The-Zing-Man]

Got introduced to Dr. Buss through the JP podcast, super happy to be hearing more from him! Thanks Lex

[@Analconda98]

I think the one with Dr. Huberman is his best one out of the three I've seen him on (JBP, HubermanLab & Chris Williamson). 1hr into this one though, and Lex definitely has the most lighthearted one with his questions 😂

[@chesscoachgerry4140]

If you like this, you surely will like his book the evolution of desire aswell

[@eaji8853]

Please bring on Geoffrey Miller and talk about dating! He's my favourite evolutionary psychologist (and public intellectual), and a podcast he did with Tucker Max a few years back (called The Mating Grounds Podcast) is my favourite podcast of all time. He lives in New Mexico so I don't think it would be hard to get him to Austin (which is where they recorded the podcast).

[@MrKreisKlinge]

This needs to happen. Mating Grounds Podcast was hugely entertaining.

[@Bartisim0]

I second the motion.

[@annelouisemaclellan485]

He’s friends with David Buss

[@moonknight4053]

Lori gottlieb is the goat is well check her out, she’s got a book pretty much telling women to lower ur standards.. she’s super smart and gives u hope, and confidence

[@cspasce]

this is extremely fascinating...as much as I get trapped in my own little thoughts about my relationships, my dynamics with ppl, my perception about love, my experiences with falling in and out of love, the ideological intrusion that I had for a person...there is always a bigger picture about homosapien's biological evolvement and nuance of psychology of behaviours... it's so lovely... ah thank u so much for these amazing conversations...

[@joanmavima5423]

Lex, you are a gem. Just listening to your opening monologue sets a tone for my day !

[@sincere91005]

The opening to this podcast is everything!!!! His humility!!!! 🤗

[@KL-ni9ju]

Totally agree about the vacation test. Used it on previous relationships with great success. The relationships didn't last but found out before things got too serious.

[@jessikaobrien9593]

Have only listened to the intro so far and am already giggling. Love you Lex

[@chichebem]

I really love these conversations from your channel/podcast. Thanks Lex!

[@stevecornell8260]

I love the subjects you explore! From the technical to the emotional... I feel like I grow with every podcast. Thank you Lex!

[@summerjeffries2434]

I'm 33. At 18, my mother passed. The week or so before her death, she put, "the sunscreen song" on the background of her MySpace. What. A. Gift. I often wonder what her input would be in situations, and that song is a great reminder of what it might have been What a great thing to hear my favorite guy talk about.

[@jakecordelli6643]

I loved Dr. Buss’s conversation with Dr. Huberman, can’t wait to listen to this one!

[@zachimani9857]

This one is trash compared to the one Huberman did. Lex just keeps cutting him off.

[@mattbrodacki4980]

Loved how Lex weaved in such a great speech at the 1 hr mark :). He does this as a pattern to things very significant to him.

[@matinamin3008]

I love the fact that Lex was taking notes on what women want😍

[@thelifecoachmedicalmodel6648]

LEX please put a montage of all your interview introductions together this could be an excellent source for you to use when creating your book. . . And on that note self publish when you do create your book!!! Just saying

[@JamesStakerWin]

Logging chapter titles of every video probably not a bad idea either.

[@nonoffensiveperson9877]

Always with the tone of a funeral service

[@benomarton8299]

I'd listen to Lex's guests' advices for young people for 10 hours.

[@tkayuniverse3493]

Curious…we always mention the impacts of porn and masturbation on men but never with women. It almost seems like it is unexplored and ignored entirely, regardless of the fact that psychologically some of the effects men face with expectations, energy, and effort diminishment due to porn likely exist in women as well.

[@bismacosmos]

Exactly

[@kailenpiardi2721]

This was amaaazing thank you both so much and everyone else for being awesome

[@robbiewalsh6965]

Lex you gotta have Gabor Mate on; just watch his talk with Tim Ferriss.

[@dyrth1]

Yes, please!

[@raetvnetwork]

I love watching Lex talk about love ❤️

[@chen4621]

"do women care about biceps is what i'm asking" - LOL!!!

[@MIOLAZARUS]

Serious and Silly is a perfect combo

[@webgirlonline]

Fascinating interview‼️👍🏻 @Lex, Thank You for all you do. It's a gift to humankind. 👏🏻

[@melikhovhannisyan8739]

Man over 3 hours? Some will say waste of time. I would say invested . Enjoyed it from start to finish. Great respect ✊🏼 for both of you . Probably will watch again 👏🏼👏🏼

[@alkalineannie]

Depp and Heard are a classic case of trauma bonding. Finding recognition in shared shadow aspects or trauma wounds. Works great for common ground and understanding but badly when the relationship enables or even promotes stagnancy within self- awareness/growth due to enabling a negative trait they both can sympathize with. It’s always a dance of opposites and how well allow room for learning within any relationship. But it’s always ourself with a reflection of our self in the end. Loved this podcast! Thanks Lex!

[@alkalineannie]

@@catsaresocute650 Sure it may be an extreme case but it’s still the same dynamic. And victim mentality won’t help her much to the self assessment of why she’s attracted to that behavior. Essentially that’s what it is. If females keep playing victim in relationships they CONTINUE to engage in without realizing there is some mirroring happening, the cycle continues. In my humble and female opinion that is.

[@alkalineannie]

@@catsaresocute650 oh I escaped so I am well,thank you☺️ It’s not easy so I like to give advice on short cuts! Not for everyone of course…

[@JesseNickelltheFourth]

That was really good! Thanks Lex for educating me with your podcasts!

[@patrick815]

One day I hope Lex surprises us and wears an Hawaiian Shirt

[@j_grieshaber]

Lex's silliness is what I am here for! I love it, stay playful Lex, thanks for all the thought provoking and throughly entertaining convos ❤

[@ladybug5859]

The topic of jealousy really fascinated me because my understanding was that that is the one thing that can ruin a relationship or a marriage, ie a spouse who is always jealous to the point of possessiveness of his or herpartner. Your guest says jealousness is a good sign but maybe he means in moderation. I was also interested in Lex saying that he would attack the male, never his partner, and I couldn't really understand why the partner was exonerated because he did say that she had ( hypothetically of course) betrayed him. I would think that a man would want to punish a woman for betrayal or anyone who betrayed him actually in any way, shape or form. What comes to mind are Italian movies that I saw back in the day where there was a lot of heightened emotion & the make would physicalky attack his female partner if he found that she had betrayed him or even thought to betray him. I saw the movie when I was living in LA and everyone in the audience was Italian and they just thought it was great and exciting and I was just appalled by the violence that I saw between the man and the woman. Apparently they thought it was great & completely natural & tgey were laughing whike I sat frozen ?& horrified. I think what would be an interesting study for the professor is to look at different cultures as to what they do in a case of jealousy, do they they attack the poacher or their partner who was actually on the verge of betraying them or had actually betrayed them? I wonder if certain cultures are prone to certain reactions, as I saw with the Italians, or whether it is an individual characteristic particukar to the individual person. I say that also because of course Lex has two bloodlines running through him-- Jewish and possibly Russian. MAYBE that's a Russian thing-- to challenge the male if his female partner has betrayed him-- or maybe Jewish or maybe just Lex! In all events, I would be very interested in seeing a study done on cultures in situations where jealousy has occurred and the reaction that follows on the part of the partners. As an afterthought, I remember now that the women who were betrayed in Italian movies NEVER physically attacked the man but they simply took a knife and when he wasn't really aware of what was going to occur-- stabbed him dead. I found that difference in the two Smsexes as to how they reacted in Italian movies remarkable!

[@carolblackwood5752]

I loved this conversation. Thank you!

[@SpiceDiceStudios]

Great conversation! I wonder what David Buss thinks of arranged marriage? Still very common practice in Asia and up to 18th century in most of the world, it’s function is much more based on tribal and resource stability rather than individual match of quality. Still, a woman’s value in this context is derived by looks and mans by resources but there is just a more limited pool in terms of caste and ethnic group, maybe not so different ultimately

[@athhud]

I have to disagree with his hypothesis that 1’s or 2’s can’t be polyamorous. The overwhelming number of polyamorous people I’ve encountered in the past 10yrs were a lot closer to 1’s and 2’s than they were 9’s and 10’s.

[@FroopieRick]

A very good question around 2:05:53 about the blalace between agency and communion. Thanks for that one!

[@dillonreichel191]

Wow, another fantastic interview!!! 🙏🙏🙇🏼‍♂️🙇🏼‍♂️World class, well done.

[@leyrich1995]

Lex was wildin in the funniest possible way 😂 great episode had a lot of good laughs!

[@sp6990]

Loved this interview and how it revealed things in my life I didn’t know were due to nature vs nurture. Excellent as always 👌

[@darielsurf]

This was awesome, thank you both so much.

[@willjohn1517]

Thanks Lex… liked the subject matter & the guest. 👍

[@michelle4688]

We love you Lex - you can stop opening every podcast with an apology for your humanity now.

[@DmRaUtMtMER]

This has been one of his best episodes; very interesting topic! I enjoyed this content, e especially from a professional who has studied this for a long time. Thanks!

[@DrewGillen]

Great podcast. I loved it!

[@fear416]

Well, that's a convoluted way to get dating advice Lex

[@shananagans5]

Great topic, great conversation. I am an older lesbian so I have seen lots of attempts at Poly relationships over the years. I know of one that worked out very well long term. It was one man and two women. The women were lovers before the man came into the relationship. They had 2 children by one woman and 1 by the other. The women staggered their school and time off from their careers so the children always had a mother at home. No major issues with the kids, they are all in conventional relationships. Thirty years later and they are still stable. Kids moved out, don't hate the parents etc. That said, I think that kind of thing is rare. I have seen many Poly type relationships blow apart relatively quickly. It seems to me that it's really hard to avoid jealousy issues.

[@lada8744]

And that’s just what you see. It might have issues below the surface, same with the kids. It’s definitely not healthy and sometimes people just keep and hide things that are very unhealthy. I highly doubt there weren’t a lot of unseen issues there.

[@1BestCookie]

They are in a committed relationship way better then just casually sleeping around with random people who you have no idea what problems they might cause

[@zoc2]

@@1BestCookie Yep

[@chrisuribe]

Excellent interview!

[@MangoOasis97]

I took a class last year with Dr Buss at UT Austin, Human Sexuality. Best class ever , it was super interesting

[@nhennecke]

At ~1:44:30 The commentary about emotional and physical abuse I have a couple thoughts. First, what physical abuse exists w/out emotional abuse as an undercurrent? Second, the emotional abuse is very much more damaging and lasting. I grew up with both. A bruise or a split lip you can heal in a matter of days. The emotional trauma takes years to process and heal.

[@proudatheist2042]

Bingo! I think you would benefit from reading "Verbal Abuse" by Peg Streep. She states that verbal abuse always preceeds physical abuse.

[@digimediadude786]

I was just thinking I need some advice on dating because what I’m doing isn’t working! Thank you 🙏❤️

[@zxLoneWolf]

Yay new lex, always glad to see

[@klausziegler60]

It is refreshing to hear Prof. Buss. Human nature is one of the most misunderstood issues in all of the social sciences.

[@seanrimada8571]

Dude Lex, you the goat my man. I don’t care about your schooling or nationality, you are well educated person and out there, bam!

[@seanrimada8571]

@@honey...salguod not everyone in the US or MIT is a genius like this guy. Having these conversations and doing the work, that is what I care about!

[@mchapman2424]

11:15 is lex at his best. I love the guy! "Yes"

[@samarith_liz]

OMG this is a Sr! Really enjoy this conversation, he's so patient!

[@JackBlackNinja]

Easily one of the best podcast episodes of all tome

[@fidellityfury2252]

Such a good podcast!! I love how you explore these topics!

[@cathywhitney7075]

Rather disconcerting comment about the Lolita aspect of the film Lex, your comment seemed a bit salacious. I wish that your guest who also loved the movie, would have discussed this aspect of it in more detail

[@stephenadams2397]

As a robot Lex does a really good job of trying to understand mating love.

[@douglasdickerson5184]

Amazing conversation.

[@ramutej5575]

I just listen to anything with Lex'es voice 😀 This was a particularly fun podcast

[@darcoln3208]

The perfect episode for Mother's Day weekend, haha.

[@KingRyanoles]

Maybe part of the mate switching explanation for female cheating could be that they are looking for a better relationship while staying in the safety of a current one, women being more risk adverse generally than men. Men who want out of a current relationship may be more willing to leave first and risk being alone while looking.

[@victorlucaslindbloom2450]

Once again, thank you! This is a very valuable interview. I hope to meet you someday and for our work to conflate well.

[@Morgodor]

in min 28:00 I think what was missed is related to resource management for a small group. similar to the reason why people started to use clothing. as a group there has to be some control on population and these measures (consoled ovulation/clothing) help with that, since early on it was much more difficult to acquire food and shelter.

[@matthewbarber4505]

I would love to see another interview with a philosophy professor, like Greg Sadler!

[@bethnpeter]

Best exchange in a Lex Fridman podcast ever: David Buss (offhand): I'm never going to murder anybody Lex (quiet, understated): the night is young

[@laurenhuber7814]

I caught that and died laughing lol. I love lex

[@captainantiguanick]

Nailed it again Lex. LOVED this podcast 👊

[@kimoconk3952]

Great content, first time actually listening to your stuff, as I've been watching cuts of it for like a year

[@Lenon1924]

Great stuff Lex. You are my favourite person on the planet currently. Please never stop this you make my day, I’m moving to Austin in 4 years after I finish college in Italy, and I hope to meet you someday

[@neiladriangomez]

not until he dates and marry somebody. hopefully me😳 **wish me luck

[@IceColdProfessional]

Is Lex homosexual?

[@gregre99]

Ciao! Sono Italiana anche io e in futuro mi trasferirò negli Stati Uniti! Cosa stai studiando?

[@Lenon1924]

@@gregre99 I am moving to Bologna in September to study European Studies

[@gregre99]

@@Lenon1924 oh so you’re not Italian. Where are u from?

[@danieljoyaux]

Hey lex you're doing a really good job! :)

[@emilija.with.a.silient.j]

"Wear Sunscreen" is a theoretical speech written by American columnist Mary Schmich which later, with her permission, was adapted to a song by Baz Luhrmann. Great podcast by the way!

[@rogerp6903]

Fascinating discussion! Thanks for the podcast Lex

[@GypsyRosalee13]

I love your voice Lex!!! Don’t let you’re haters bring you done. Only a smart man realizes he knows nothing… hence the curiosity. Love you!

[@moregold]

Is an interview with Helen Fisher, Anatomy of Love author, possible?

[@compegord07]

This was a really good episode. It inspired alot of ideas and gave me ideas to chew on. Thank you.

[@lowcountry0719]

Such a fascinating conversation

[@rthegle4432]

THE BEST PODCAST on the internet, thanks for all your efforts Lex, I hope you bring Moran Cerf and Nick Bostrom(again) to the podcast in the future

[@IceColdProfessional]

This is not the best podcast, but it's up there. Like in the top 10.

[@carnap355]

@@IceColdProfessional what other good podcasts are there? One I know of are huberman, mindscape, jaimungal, origins, mind chat, peterson

[@IceColdProfessional]

@@carnap355 Last Podcast on the Left, Freakonomics, Jocko, and HVAC School. These are all fringe podcasts.

[@IceColdProfessional]

@@carnap355 I really like your list. I'm already onto Huberman but I'll have to check out the others.

[@hans_von_twitchy1014]

Comment on Lex's style: Some of your interviews are about the personality of the interviewee.This interview was about his ideas, but you repeatedly started a topic, David began answering, and you cut off the explanation well before he got into any interesting thoughts. Even worse, you often interrupted so you could express an 'entertaining' thought of your own. Then you'd immediately tell him what you wanted to discuss next, not letting David respond to your previous thought. The net result was that this vid was "a mile wide and an inch deep". I would have much preferred to have David fully explore two or three ideas. I was already aware of what the issues were, so having them explored just an inch deep was of no use to me, especially if it was a subject that I was already interested in (e.g., why we wear clothes). I've made a mental note to look into David's books for more information, at the expense of being less interested in you as a source of information.

[@jurvajakki]

I suppose it's because most people don't know much about these subjects so Lex tries to cover as many as possible in the time that they have, so they get the basics of most things, but nothing too in-depth. That's how most of these podcasts are, because creators want them to be accessible to most people.

[@karolinacamargo6870]

Beside his books, as Lex mentioned how he was going to conduct this interview, I went directly to huberman lab podcast, the interview with him went much deeper. Nevertheless, some of Lex ways of asking make you explore things from a diferent perspective.

[@hans_von_twitchy1014]

@@karolinacamargo6870 Thanks for mentioning the Humberman Lab. I was unaware of it, and am listening to it David Buss' episode now.

[@KatrinaLaurend]

Eye opening interview! 🙏👏

[@jimmackay4266]

Lex I am a new listener and i love your work! To me you sound like ferris bueler. Thank you man I love to tune in.

[@Al-gv5uw]

It seems like for many studies people get asked abstract questions and it’s just what they think at that moment which isn’t necessarily a good indication of what is actually the truth. People give good sounding answers.