Decluttering Q&A: Sept 26, 2023

I'm answering questions submitted at AskDanaKWhite.com. Go there to ask questions for future lives.
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06.28: My kids love to keep everything... it seems they are always getting new toys but never want to let go of the old toys. How would you explain to small children that it's ok to let go?
20.02: What about when everything fits in your closet then you get rid of half of everything and get rid of half of everything again six months later. And now the stuff will no longer fit inside.
24.43: Buying a wooden closet is quite the investment and I worry about buying one that is too small or too large for our needs. How did you chose your furniture when you moved?
31.32: How do I maintain the energy for continuing my own decluttering when I see that we will be occupied with in-laws house for the foreseeable future. I feel my own home will regress.
36.31: What does your writing process look like and how do you keep it organized?
39.36: How do I help family recognize that while they are living within the container concept i.e. plenty of room, they aren't living under their clutter threshold/can't manage what they have?
41.41: Favorite free donation place? FB marketplace? Offer up? Others? …and why?
43.33: ?????? Do you recommend isolating clothing to see if they are really no longer necessary? I just struggle with getting of rid of well made lightly used clothing. I have the space. Amount overwhelmed.
46.17: ​​?? I have difficulties following through to actually getting the stuff out of the house. I have several donation bags and trash for recycling. I struggle with large items we have to remove.
48.17: ​​??? DESPERATE MAMA (Part 1) Your methods have helped me tremendously, but my 5 year old is struggling to throw away ANYTHING, even legit trash. I've tried the put your favorites in first, but then...Part 2 then she still can't cope with throwing away the rest. It is soo hard for her. As a mom, I don't want to make it traumatic and just throw it all away, but we just can't keep it all. Any advice?
52.51: How do I get past the fact I paid good money for something but I no longer use it but I feel like I need to recoup some of the money I spent on the item.
55.49: Perfumes. How to organize
58.38: Would love another laundry video. Curious what kind of tongs do you have?
59.26: Pantry, besides throwing out expired things, how do I even start organizing?
1.01.20: How do you stop stuff shifting and actually decluttering. Also, how do you deal with empty spaces? They make me feel uncomfortable. I feel the need to fill empty spaces such as a book shelf, counter, any open space.
1.03.12: ???Do you have any advice on teaching a 2 yr old and a 7 yr old to pick up after themselves? Thank you! ???
1.04.18: ​​??? Kitchen serves as both dining and homeschooling space, how do I best keep it decluttered when the space is used for many different uses? Home is very small and storage is limited.
1.06.54: ??? What opinions or thoughts do you have people who resell and their stuff is what brings them money.

[@maws1113]

This morning I assigned myself a stack of papers to go through but this afternoon, I reaaallly didn’t want to do it. Then I thought - just look for trash! Half the stack - literally half was trash. Didn’t have to make any hard decisions and reduced my stack by 50%!

[@Rosa-kf6yy]

Bravo!!

[@TheImperfectReader]

I will do this too.😅

[@temi4116]

Nice going!!!

[@kathygoodwin]

I love better is good. We beat ourselves up for what we haven't done, and it really feels better to enjoy doing even just one thing. 😄

[@user-tc8jp5zt8g]

As a mum of a child with health care needs, ‘life happens’ a lot! I can’t imagine how much worse it would be without your methods and I am able to prioritise organising her health care stuff. A million times Thankyou

[@marthavanderpool6829]

Good for you! Keeping possessions in check and in perspective will always help keep our priorities straight. God bless you as you care for your very special child. With love from the mom of a transplant kid.

[@lisarivers1438]

Ha Dana, you know when I hear you talk about the container for your crayons it reminds me of the video where you demonstrated the container concept for your pens. I then realized "oh my natural instinct was to buy a second container" to fit the rest of my pens since the first one was full. At no point did it ever occur to me to get rid of some pens so I could only have one container 🤔. It just hasn't been my first instinct so this is where I have trouble.

[@temi4116]

I've honored and used the clutter concept for years. It just made sense to me. And I didn't have any phrase for it,and didn't need one. Just used the strategy.

[@kathystearns9012]

I got up this morning and because of yesterday, my dishes were done, counter tops cleaned, laundry done, and another load taken to the 2nd hand shop fm decluttering part of our garage. What a JOY !!! ❤ THANK YOU DANA !!! It's The Good Lord's gift of strength and stamina, and your words, thoughts, and those of Dawn and Cass that helped to make it possible 😊

[@kgummee]

Garage sales ... such a lot of work for minimal return ... donated everything the day after the sale. Took 3 days to make less than $300. Worth it? Probably not. Taking the truck of leftovers to donate took 30 min. and felt amazing!!

[@LorreneRomanic]

Definition of ad nauseam: referring to something that has been done or repeated so often that it has become annoying or tiresome. But I don't mind you telling us the same thing over & over because I need the constant reminder. That's why I keep watching your videos 🥰

[@donnatremblay2577]

Agree! Some are new to Dana’s channel and others need to hear the skills -multiple times. Wish she’d frame all her knowledge like it’s the first time it’s been explained; no apologies.

[@SarahAnew]

Yes! I can’t recommend indoctrinating yourself with her methods enough! I had to listen over and over to get it through my thick skull. Lol

[@temi4116]

I agree! .

[@temi4116]

​@SarahAnew, me also Sarah. But then, I have to hear things several times before I feel I've remembered and embraced the info. Same thing if I read something.

[@KCtheSUNSHINE]

Thank you for being so genuine and REAL. It helps the rest of us who struggle with the perfectionist b.s. Progress not perfection. It's so freeing. I'm in a crisis moment having to declutter and its painful. I had 10 years to go through my crap and now i have a couple months. Yikes! But with God's grace I'll get it done and survive.

[@thebaroness2977]

Yes ~ I have been regretting all the time I allowed to slip by before (woulda, shoulda, coulda!)... your comment reminded me of my idea to deliberately use the extra hours of darkness each evening (starting this coming Sunday) to be productive by decluttering each evening. God has carried us through before, and will do so again, this time❤

[@julielines5929]

Including family members in the five minute pick up, no matter how old they are, will help them be more willing to part with excess.

[@audreyandrea460]

You still need to be able to do 5 minute pick up by yourself.

[@loriennyanzi1290]

I decluttered and dusted my bedroom. I still have a section of the bedroom to do. I feel a little bad that i didnt finish. As you say it's better. So i will keep working on it. I feel if I cant make it perfect, then why bother. I watch you to just help me out. Thank you so much.

[@journalwithne5376]

This made me think, perhaps wanting to do it perfectly is a sign that you don’t trust your future self to continue. Like, you have a burst of energy and you feel like it’s now or never, and when you don’t finish you feel like ok, that’s it, my bedroom will stay half done forever. But trust that future you will get another burst of energy, and will be soooo grateful for past you who did so much of the work already!

[@leannintexas9410]

Dana’s advice that dropping off the ‘duh’ donation pile is a worthy use of time has been a total game changer for me! Seems obvious but I used to procrastinate dropping off donations until ‘finished’ decluttering (which I know understand being finished decluttering will never happen as it’s a lifelong process). Thanks Dana!!

[@deniseharwood9521]

Me too. I've kept a donation bin in the entry way closet for a while. As I started decluttering, the boxes started to pile out into the entryway, and the more I decluttered the messier it felt. I would remind my husband over and over, and Finally I said WE were going. I was TOTALLY surprised at how easy it was!

[@stephaniehayes2844]

Thanks for inspiring me to put things in their home as I go. I had made piles and boxes while decluttering over labor day weekend. I went back to your no mess declutter demonstration video and resorted all of my boxes and put them in their homes as I watched the video! I have my hallway back and more donatable donate boxes to move forwards!

[@rebeccawhite3210]

You let the container make the decision, you don't have to be the bad guy...that's freedom right there! Love it, thank you!

[@nana88812]

Better is good helps me everyday!!

[@brg2743]

Keep on keeping on! Organized a little today in a small area. Yay.

[@Patricia.R.]

Dana you cracked me up, working through (OUTLOUD) to use an accent or not to do an accent, that is the question. It’s like... SQUIRREL. AND IT HAPPENED TWICE!😂😂

[@teriortiz5360]

Naming spaces sounds good - Semantics matter! That helps me! Thanks Dana😊

[@lizmarienyc]

This is very helpful. I’m a 54 year old woman who collects dolls and Japanese toys. I live in a studio apartment so I’m very conscious of the finite nature of space and the limits I have to set… but sometimes it’s hard. I am in the position of imposing similar rules that you describe about children and their toys on myself. When things do not fit in my displays or storage- I try to find something a new home within the collecting community. It’s hard but I have done periodic purges of my collection as well as other things like books. I am basically down to not buying anything new, but if there are exceptions - the rule is, one thing in, one or more like objects out. It makes me appreciate what I have and contemplate new acquisitions very thoughtfully- because there are responsibilities that go with acquiring things in a small space.

[@donnyharper-mangum8778]

❤I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your videos on a deeper level ❤

[@pancakey636]

if kids can't let go of old toys then donate the new toys/gifts. i dont understand why kids need to be encouraged to let go of the old toys they love just to be able to keep the new gifts.

[@marietollett8323]

I like your suggestion! I think it would be a valuable lesson to teach kids how to do this from a young age. It would make managing their home in adulthood a lot less overwhelming! 😊

[@carriepinkduck]

Good point!

[@kayelle8005]

With Christmas coming up, if your kids are begging you for a particular toy or item ask them what they got for Christmas the previous year. Mostly they can’t remember, even though they wanted the thing just as badly. When I was a kid we got so few toys and items for Christmas and birthday I can still remember most of them.

[@jeme7339]

Tell people to not give your kids more stuff. Parents should decide what is appropriate for their families. So many items marketed for children are not supporting wholesome values. So many are ugly, or too loud, or too large, or have too many pieces, or are otherwise not something parents want in their homes. Don't let it in. Yes, keep the good items you already have and "protect" children from new junk.

[@lquinn410]

@jeme Yes! My 4yo wants everything and I told my mom to get him things he would use up like sidewalk chalk, playdoh, etc. These are the things he plays with most and it doesn't ultimately add to an inventory of junk toys.

[@jeme7339]

Parents, tell people to not give your children more stuff. People outside the home do not get to decide what you will have in your home. Parents should decide what is appropriate for their children. Too many items marketed for children are unwholesome, or too loud, or ugly, or otherwise junky. Do not allow them in your home.

[@heathrusty]

I totally feel this, but we almost ruined a relationship telling someone that. Granted, I didn't have Dana's exact words at the time, but they were buying our son stuff that we literally didn't have space for, and stuff that was basically garbage, but they bought it because it was on sale. Dana has mentioned in other videos that relationships are more important than having a perfectly decluttered home. Sometimes the best thing to do is to gratefully accept the gift and then do what you will with it. If you don't feel you can let your kids decide whether to keep the new thing or the old toys, then put it on a shelf in the garage for a time (I have done this with a few things). My son has forgotten about them fairly quickly because they never even made it into the playroom. But if you can, let your kids make the decision using the container concept. And if you're afraid the person is going to ask about it, well, then you can explain that you just didn't have room for it and you gifted it to a friend who loves that sort of item. And you were so happy you had the perfect thing to give them! In the end, it's totally great to explain to people that you're working on having less stuff in your home so you can enjoy the things you do have more. But I almost guarantee there are people who are not going to really understand that and who think you should just make room for the amazing things they want to buy for your child anyway. If you think it's a relationship worth preserving then proceed carefully.

[@audreyandrea460]

No. You teach your child not to accept anything from anyone. Not only is the problem solved but then you and your child are also behaving in a normal, healthy ways.

[@heathrusty]

@@audreyandrea460 So no accepting gifts from grandma? Looks like you deleted your previous comment, but goodness are you jumping to conclusions. Some relationships are more important than the stuff you may have to deal with as a result of that relationship. Including grandparents who want to buy stuff you don't need and your child won't use.

[@jeme7339]

@@heathrusty What kind of relationship does one have with a grandma who refuses to respect one's home or parenting or other boundaries?

[@debbiev.1311]

Sad I missed your Live, but thank you so much for the replay!! ❤️🤗

[@antiquesrestoration3874]

I love my local Buy Nothing FB group for decluttering things not necessarily appropriate for my local charity shops.

[@ambermazmanian2695]

And they will pick up from your house, so you don't have to go anywhere!

[@lorrainemudunungu1522]

​@@ambermazmanian2695😊

[@jessandjessica452]

You are the coolest! Thank you so much for your help. 😁

[@denisecrissup8768]

I agree. I'm a perfectionist in some areas, and so NOT in most. I have moments.

[@christywilliams8848]

Spent 6 hours and 3 dumpsters at my hubby's aunt's over the weekend. Just trash and food back to 2010. She's mentally challenged and this doesn't really work for her. But the rest of the family was helping and they are also hoarders. It was a good process for them.

[@jennifermccraw7687]

Is it crazy that I rewound to hear the name of your Cabbage Patch doll?? Haha

[@temi4116]

No, not crazy. I go back if I feel a void too. It's like I feel incomplete if I don't go back to " pick up" something I didn't hear, or quite understand. Knowledge is power. I love power. I love knowing!!.

[@SarahAnew]

Dana, your work has changed my life. Though my house isn’t perfect and I’m in a crazy busy phase with small children, I have made progress. One Christmas some years ago, I stuffed everything in bins and put them outside in order to just have family over for the holidays. Cut to this year. A family member arrived into town without notice and it didn’t even phase me! Even though the house is kind of a hot mess, I know I can get it into shape fairly quickly. I don’t have anxiety like I used to. Thank you so much for humanizing this process and helping us make progress on the journey. You’re a blessing.

[@beccismith4454]

❣️ now I know why I watched this today! Thank you, “Carol&Bran” for your question and Dana for your answer about giving a space that might have multiple uses a primary use and identity. Wow, I think that’s what my “front room“ has been needing! The space which currently has had the identity of : office/library/coat closet with shoe rack/storage space for tools and plant potting supplies and craft supplies/music room/exercise room/everything and nothing 😅 ==> now can be for example: welcoming office ❤ - my, does that feel different!!!

[@beccismith4454]

This part of the call is just after the one hour mark…

[@temi4116]

Dana, your temptation to read a question in an accent that the author possibly has as their own, has made me laugh.

[@kellygraves3817]

I was born and raised in Maine, I used Mum, and my son calls me Mum 😘 Not just a British word.

[@Mushkiepotamus]

If I was Queen for the day- the one thing I would do is erase the word, goal and concept PERFECT- it’s utterly soul sucking as a word and an unattainable goal. Humans can’t be perfect!!

[@plainjane3045]

I love that you remember the name of your cabbage patch! I, too, remember very well my darling preemie, Marcelle Jewelle! ❤

[@phylpott1]

So glad you're the one doing the podcast. I do my best decluttering in my nightgown...

[@courtneyglasco2216]

I remember that room 💜💜

[@user-jk1ed2kp9v]

I watch your first live show this morning 10/26/23. W/Teacher that had limited health issues. I can truly identified with the paperwork identity . The way you helped her (sorry didn’t catch name) decided she could let go of any printable documents and how things constantly are updated or revised.

[@ruthreed6235]

???I have been decluttering for a couple years making great progress. never understood hoarders until today when I had a load ready to go. Suddenly I felt lonely. Has this happened to others? And, I still have things to declutter.

[@loriennyanzi1290]

Yes. Feel lonely, because I feel that I am throwing that person away. My mom has been in Heaven since 2013. And I still have a lot of her stuff. Photo books of all of her trips.

[@Hope-ot1xy]

@@loriennyanzi1290a suggestion for you. Keep 2clothes items that mean the most to you. You can take pictures of some of her clothes that you want to remember. Regarding the photos, focus on keeping 5 pictures from each of her photo trip books and consolidating these 5 photos from each album into just one, would help. Also. take pictures of all her pictures and put them on the Cloud so you still have them.

[@kristin7762]

I remember a “Kindred Spirit” who was interviewed on the podcast some time ago; she was a professional reseller. I’d recommend listening to it for the person who asked about reselling as a job.

[@angelastermer8501]

The thing I like about your method with children, it reinforces boundaries/ limits as a concept and priorities as a concept. I don’t have kids but I’m teaching myself these things as an adult 😂. Having a parent help me through the process would have been great❤

[@temi4116]

Dana , i love your videos. I HAD to get up toward the end of the last video, and go do some decluttering. I did about 15 minutes and came back to see the rest of the video. When you got to the question from the person who was talking half done, and then half done again, I just thought OMG, Im lost with this question!!!😅

[@lifestylefun]

Isolating clothes aka packing them away on a box and labeling the box general item description of what's in the box def helps make the letting go process easier, even if it means revisiting that box every 3 months you will eventually through repetitive habit and conditioning of the brain make a decision to let go. My biggest purge was letting go of about 6 big box of some quality items and furniture just to make space with the mindset of working towards minimalism and making more frugal decisions, donating the bulk of it made me feel less guilty and made the process more fun and rewarding as I treated myself to something that would enhance my health and fitness. 1 red, yeah I miss that comfortable dress that took me 2 seconds to get dressed on the morning, that I loved but the intention was to get a new one which I haven't gotten around to replacing for years as I barely ever go shopping 😂 I rent out my store room for the same reason, I don't want the extra storage, it just so happened to be a ceded area I was forced to purchase and recovering the money through renting it out the cash is going into an investment acc 😂 # L0v3 minimalism, the container/tin method was the best way to get rid of all the copious pens and highlighters that weren't all working, I could only keep my favorites, the rest had to go 🎉 thank you Dana

[@summerbaby4600]

The thumbnail pic looks like you are posing for body building. I know you are not, but it makes me chuckle every time I see it😆

[@bethjoy7675]

I think you just identified the biggest mistake I have made about containers!

[@sherylskord4041]

Watching later! Can't do the 12noon thing bc i work.

[@temi4116]

Where would you look for a used granola bar wrapper? !!!!! 😂 I love it. Stick to the process. Be consistent. Dont judge. Dont look to the ceiling. Dont cop a attitude. Refrain from showing disdain for the item. USE THE PROCESS, all the same, no matter what the item .

[@teriortiz5360]

Ad nauseum - Means describing something that would make you sick. (Like over and over could fit)

[@nataschalorez8885]

I get it. My grandfather died in 99. My grandmother still has lots of stuff of his. Even things like unworn underwear. She is someone that keeps everything ever given to her, unless it's litteral trash. A few years ago, she had to move into a smaller appartement. It took her over a year to get her to get rid of some stuff that wouldn't fit. But still, you can hardly get around where she lives now.

[@anitajohnson782]

Oh, happy 50th birthday 🎉

[@helenvaipan8697]

My husband wants to keep everything we have 3 storages full of electronics and I am not allowed to get rid of anything, ready to get a divorce still love my husband just not all the junk. Help!!!!

[@duffyjones4476]

I have a husband who has a garage full to the brim. My house is minimal. Guess who manages which inventory lol. Tempting as it is to lock him in the garage with his ‘crap’ and declutter the key I’ve decided to go with positive ways to suggest change. Examples… would you like a new wall storage system? If we clear the garage floor did you want that bench top drill you were chasing for your birthday? The latest one was that I’ve invited my neighbour to pop over when he’s in there… hopefully he’ll get a bit inspired lol… ultimately it’s a case of ‘choose your own adventure’ you make your space the way that makes you content… he’ll either follow… or not. But that’s his own adventure 😅…. Good luck x

[@Jeanniebugg]

Sounds like my husband. He probably needs therapy. Hoarding is a mental health condition that is related to grief and loss. Often, the death of loved ones is the trigger.

[@carrieperrigo2319]

Don't get rid of your husband, especially if he loves you too! None of us are perfect! I'm sure he has good qualities like you do!

[@Hope-ot1xy]

Maybe by helping him see that he would have more room for something else he really wants, that might inspire him.

[@marjoriejudge5348]

well I like the idea of the closet just being the boundary for a person's wardrobe if you don't have a spouse that chronically moves his stuff in and crowds your clothing - - seems like that might be an instance to surreptitiously edit his clothing since he has more that the other 2 household members put together (and only edits things w/ holes in the sleeves during nearly 40 years of marriage)......just wondering.......😁

[@phylpott1]

Keep red dishes and use for your spouse, yourself, your children when they visit, for your grandchildren for special...

[@Joeyaway]

❤😊

[@lyndi9082]

Dana, is a clean house required, do I have to submit pics of my house to apply 🤣

[@DanaKWhite]

Definitely not!!

[@debizahn5248]

Phew 😂

[@lifestylefun]

Ad nauseam is the word you looking for 😊

[@Pamsouthdakota]

Through math out of the equation😂

[@Pamsouthdakota]

Throw math out of the equation😂

[@loriennyanzi1290]

What do i do with my husband's clutter. He keeps buying and buying doesnt always throw away unless he ruins his shirts.

[@LynsAlteredArts]

ad nauseam ăd nô′zē-əm adverb To a disgusting or ridiculous degree; to the point of nausea. To a nauseating or sickening degree. To a sickening extent.

[@00Recoil]

Ad nauseam - repeated to the point that it makes you feel nauseous. Repeated until it makes you feel sick.