Divorce // Honest Tea Talk | Season 1 Episode 10

In this episode of Honest Tea Talk, we discuss the much-needed topic of divorce, and where we're asking:
- Is divorce ever a right option?
Watch the episode, then comment with your thoughts, experiences, and join the discussion.
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About Honest Tea Talk
with Aliyah, LaYinka & Sumayah
Inspired by Jada Pinkett-Smith's 'Red Table Talk', 3 Muslim women have set up a platform to speak openly and honestly, giving viewers an unedited insight into the minds and life of Muslim women. Honest Tea Talk brings deep and often unspoken topics to the table to lay down our masks and start much-needed discussions about matters related to Muslim women and the ummah at large.
© 2019
#honestteatalk #realtalk #divorce

[@karenmurove8324]

I am not Muslim but I appreciate your show. I just wanted to comment to let you know there are some of us Christians that appreciate your show.

[@flowerh691]

Your always welcome 💞

[@SSBMA1994]

As a muslim, I am happy to hear that. One, it lets you know that despite our faith differs, our human day to day life and struggles don't differ that much. Two, it shows that you are non judgemental and are open minded to hearing about human experiences and struggles within their societal norms despite the speakers might not speak from a background than you might not want to hear from.. I welcome you to my community ❤🥰 I extend my friendship to my christian sisters as well.

[@ambitiousanonymous2238]

Welcome sister among your brothers and sisters in humanity😊

[@tinaking9120]

YES YES YES! ❤️

[@meymunaali7850]

Welcome sister

[@user-id1tf5kp8i]

A thought that crossed my head: "You are a person before you are a mother".

[@tiyyas3022]

indeed and regardless of whether we stay our children will always have two parents- they’re simply just not married

[@nurumohamed7138]

@@tiyyas3022 The earlier the better... Be *FROM* a broken home than live *IN* one. Out of it, you're slowly picking up your life. Inside it, you're daily *HAMMERING* it!

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

💯 I filed for divorce when my daughter was 6 months old. We had been separated since she 6 weeks old. When our marriage counselor confided in me “off the record” that my ex husband had NPD was emotionally abusive, and was never going to change I decided that if this was inevitable, that the trauma on our daughter would be far less at 6 months old than at 6 or 16 years old. It’s never an easy choice.

[@mariamaturay7379]

Am going through a divorce at the moment just felling for this topic. Sisters going through divorce brings me closer to Allah and decided to take up hijab as am sending this massage tonight is my 7 night wearing hijab am very happy sisters pray for me not to give up.

[@Dreamersworld728]

I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is [phone].email is kaficou@gmail dot com

[@farizaabdi8086]

Alhumdallah I m divorced and I have 3 kids infect I was two months pregnant when I decided to leave and everyone thought that is because of the pregnancy but the reality is I was sick and tired of him It's was a hard choice to make the is nothing that is easy except what Allah makes it easy I prayed salat istikhara and Allah guided me today lol I m happy to say it's the best decision that I have ever made for me and my kids I had been with my ex-husband 10yrs lived a life of misery alhumdallaih so glad that I have my kids and that chapter of my life is done. Alhumdallah by the mercy of Allah it didn't take me long to find a companion Insha'Allah soon I m going to make my nikkah I ask Allah to make this marriage a blessing and not a trial. For indeed Allah has spoken the truth however is God-conscious He will make their affairs easy.

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

Amin!

[@sadiai3397]

Allahuma ameen ameen yaa rabbi.

[@abdinajma2]

Alxamdulillah for everything ❤️

[@som1]

wow you give me so much hope i am in a similar situation i have three young children and justbeen divorced. I have never felt such a relief

[@sehij3151]

Same situation I m 33 years old divorced with 3 kids. And I hope , I pray to Allah I will find my companion one day InshaAllah.

[@marloesdv]

I am not a Muslim and watching these video's out of interest. But my parents are divorced and I honestly feel that was the best decision they could have made. As children we are not blind to what's going on in the household. It was a difficult decision to make, I am sure. But as a family we were not happy. Seeing my parents not being happy together also had a huge effect on us. I'd rather see my parents happy and be their best selves (and thus being good parents) than to stay in an unhappy marriage for our sake. Thank you for shedding some light on this topic.

[@CalieNina]

But what about after divorce? The loneliness, the struggle, the heartbreak, the deception, the difficulity to accept the qaddar when it hits you really hard? I'd love to hear from you on that

[@Qanny89]

Me too. I'm going through that.

[@shivaniad]

Thats no reason to stay in an abusive marriage

[@sanobiathaseen7832]

@@Qanny89 I'm also going through the same

[@apersonhumantype]

Dearest sisters, this situation is a crash course in tawakkal. We need to turn away from creation and seek Allah alone, and find our strength in the walk with Allah. In this way, this experience is a blessed purification from shirk. Yes, it is hard, my dear sister, we have walked those paths. Looking back, it was never people but Allah and myself that took care of me... and Allah only took away the chaff. The wheat is Allah, our soul, our kids. It is not preferred to break the family, but it is permissible, and comfort ourselves with Allah. We are loved by Allah.

[@purplelove3666]

So you want to stay in abusive marriage?,

[@neelubird]

It's worth asking yourself "How would I advise my own daughter if she was in a marriage like this?" because some women sacrifice and compromise and stay in miserable marriages but would not want that for their own daughters and in fact would be horrified if they had children in the same type of unhappy marriage.... but children learn from behaviour modelled by their parents so if the parent doesn't want children to be in that sort of marriage, then think about what sort of example is being set.

[@kimwhaitiri6795]

I am a Judeo Christian woman, this so speaks to me and my process of finding myself after devorce from a twenty year marriage. Many blessings to you beautiful ladies of faith.

[@95Gred]

I just want to say that Divorce is not = End of the world. It may very well be the beginning to a much better journey towards Allaah.

[@zakariyawise271]

Alhamdulillah for this message. Im a sister who's divorce will be finalized soon and I must say for me My husband introduced me to Islam but AllahSWT gave me the motivation to seek knowledge. During my separation Ive grown closer to AllahSWT so Im thankful for what's ordained.Funny Your speaking parts of my story but its opposite. My husband started to loose his Deen while I was finding my during our marriage and now he's Astray and Im taking each day walking the straight way. SubhanAllah

[@awwwwan]

I'm also suffering in this situation and now I start reading Quran and 5 time prayer and Sahih Hadess Allah SWT showing me the right path and Alhumdulilah I'm try to raju to my wife. kindly pray for me Allah SWT make it easy for me

[@amberr730]

Is urs love marriage

[@tallathabbasi9593]

@@awwwwan where are you from

[@awwwwan]

@@tallathabbasi9593 I'm from Pakistan.

[@malikking4291]

"In love" and passion are overrated but divorce is far better than hating and treating each other as ennemies on a daily basis.

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

even halal and respectable can be good enough and love can be natural, it comes from Allah!

[@maryamzahra4017]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/b2e0ipyiiJp0f5Y

[@aishagranger1391]

The classic “I love you but not in love with you” is very fixable and expected. I watched some great lectures about this, the honeymoon phase is over and the couple is left in this robotic type routine. The solution is not divorce, because you’ll just go through the same thing with the next guy. It’s a cycle. That is definitely fixable. Real love is not a Bollywood movie.

[@dumadan7561]

Aisha Zee But what if you went into the marriage without actually being in love with the other person? When you go in with Iman that you’ll be happy despite not being in love because Allah swt will make it possible? And 11 years and two kids later, you’re still not in love with your spouse, although they’re a good person and you genuinely care for them. But you know you’re not getting all you want and need out of your marriage? This is another scenario where that classic statement applies. And it’s not easy to walk away from this type of situation either.

[@tiyyas3022]

Naffy what if it doesn’t take 11 years. It’s still scary to leave

[@fluttershypony1420]

Tell that to the people stuck in miserable marriages. In some cases divorce was the best decision, i personally know someone that was stuck in a marriage with a very kind man but he would not show his wife any affection or give her the attention a wife should get even after she would tell him continuously how she felt, he would continue to neglect her. A sexless and loveless marriage where they were just living as room mates? Now divorced and still remain friends even though they have moved on to find better marriage mates who accept and meet the others needs.

[@mombasa7]

@@Dreamersworld728 did you get the Covid-19 vaccine?

[@Dreamersworld728]

@@mombasa7 I do not take it till now.

[@justicemama]

I loved Sumaya's addition to the discussion when she started talking about what's behind the decision to stay "because of the kids." jazakunna Allahu khairan.

[@naureenadilsiddiqui4777]

Love that

[@ummizaansabir4869]

I love you girls so much!i got divorced 1 year a go after 16 years!!! Please keep me and my daughter who is 13 in your dua!!! Please keep doing what you do best!!! May Allah bless you guys and your offspring!!!

[@ahmedjamal3993]

May Allah bless you and your doughter my dear sister; and facilitate you the kind of life style that you wish to have. Sometimes, to divorce better than to stay togrther that is why Allah made it permissible for us.

[@sadiai3397]

May the almighty Allah make things easier for you and your daughter ameen ameen

[@Dreamersworld728]

I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is [phone].email is kaficou@gmail dot com

[@arianacmoi]

May Allah help you

[@ummizaansabir4869]

Aslamualkum dear brother and sisters!!! May Allah shower you with his mercy and protect you all Ameen!! My daughter and I are doing wonderful compre to last year. We are leaving in our own home and she is about to graduate high school. She only 14 and last year in high school. Allhamdulillah allhamdulillah please brother and sister hold on Allah when things go the way you don't understand. It will turn out in your favor! Thank you for Allah the dua we are ever grateful! Ya Allah bring us together In the companion of our beloved prophets. Grant us janna!!!

[@richardredmond1480]

That’s one subject I love to hate and still haunts me 3yrs later since my wife divorced me, with no fault of my own but a lack of communication brought about by illness and psychological problems of my past. I still love my wife children dearly but she would never have me back . Inshallah am in a better place now and keep asking Allah to increase my strength and iman

[@maryamzahra4017]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/b2e0ipyiiJp0f5Y

[@mattrose99]

What I learned from my failed marriage: You BOTH put in the work, you support eachother, you work on yourselves with the support of the other not the other working on you or vice versa, there should be good times and bad times but it should not be a love bombing cycle. Know what you want and look for that, lower your expectations but not your worth.

[@Dreamersworld728]

I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is [phone].email is kaficou@gmail dot com

[@monakeulen5622]

I have the feeling I'm the only one keeping this ship afloat. Pregnant now with the second, now sure if I can keep this marriage up with two. I feel by lowering my expectations, I'm losing myself not only as sfor who I am, but also as a human being. He uses his work as excuse not to do anything & says he feels pressured to do stuff & that's why he does less and less. I'm not even getting Salam 3leykom half of the time when he enters the door, or goodnight, or goodmorning. Jumu3a breakfast he stays in bed al morning, Just like the rest of the weekend. I'm alone with supper 6 out of 7 days. Morning and evening routine of our child is done by me only. At the same time I always need to listen to whatever he wants to tell me for at least 30 min, and comfort him when he's 'had a hard day'. Just never feeling validated when I say to him what you say here. I think you are strong and courageous and I hope I can follow in your footsteps one day if this situation will continue after the birth.

[@Dreamersworld728]

@@monakeulen5622 I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is [phone].email is kaficou@gmail dot com

[@monakeulen5622]

@@Dreamersworld728 maybe it's more polite to visit an imam you trust with this? I'm sure there are sisters coming to him with the same request & he can help you find a match.

[@Dreamersworld728]

@@monakeulen5622 It's totally complex to me.If you can help me a litte bit pls check out my number over whatsapp, hangouts or facebook.

[@aminaalali6361]

I'm loving these shows but just one thing. Just because a woman removes her hajab doesn't mean she lost her iman. I'm divorced a revert who actually removed my hajab years after divorce as I was struggling with it and I realized I put hajab on because my ex wanted me to, I wanted to have the feeling of putting it on for Allah, no one else. Alhamdulillah it went back on within around a year but at not point during that time did I lose my faith.

[@rodinaa2322]

@invest for your future you're an idiot, period. and also, you're projecting and it's embarrassing. if this is how you feel don't get mad at us lol

[@hyrunnisa997]

I took off my hijab and I'm still Muslim. I pray every day and I read Quran but the hijab is not for me at the time. You have to be ready for it. Also my husband is so supportive and he wants me to be myself and practice in my way and make my own journey.

[@encrypted983]

@@hyrunnisa997 lol there is nothing called "to be myself " in Islam! Wearing Hijab is a command from Allah its not an option! Weather you feeling it or not . If you walk around without Hijab, you have directly disobeyed the command of Allah! Hence you sinned, just like any other command from God.

[@abumuawiyaabumuawiya5203]

@@hyrunnisa997 Read Qur'an 24v 31 and 33v 59

[@hyrunnisa997]

Y'all are pretty nasty and rude. People would prefer women to cover their hair before knowing and learning the religion. Like I said it's a journey, but you dont care about that. Everyone has to do things your way or the highway. This kind of ridiculing and shaming women who dont "look" the way you want them to is disgusting. Muslims carry more about appearances than actual faith. You feel like you can say that because my sins are apparent for you to see. But Allah knows your sins as well and that is the only person who matters. People should practice a part of the religion when they realize they are ready. You dont know anything about me or my life. There is no compulsion in the religion( 2:256). لَكُمۡ دِينُكُمۡ وَلِيَ دِينِ To you be your Way, and to me mine.(109:6)

[@fjeilani]

if you look at surah At Talaaq (Divorce) the word that's always repeated in the verses is taqwa ومن يتق الله يجعل له مخرجا ومن يتق الله يكفر عنه سيئاته ومن يتق الله يجعل له من أمره يسرا فاتقوا الله يآاولي الألباب واتقوا الله ........and whosoever have taqwa in Allah...... if both partners are muttaqeen and end up divorce then divorve to them is a mercy unto them and nothing will go wrong everyone will carry out their responsibilities. the sahabas divorced and nothing went wrong coz there was taqwa, now due to lack of taqwa from both women and men is what makes divorce look so bad/evil decision.

[@My.Lifes.Journey]

I love this sis. I wish they pinned this comment since it wasn't mentioned in their discussion. It's so important to base topics like this on what Quran al Kareem says.

[@HonestTeaTalk]

Absolutely love this. Which is why we emphasised the importance of strengthening one's faith. May Allah strengthen all of us. Ameen

[@fjeilani]

Ameen. May Allah make us among the mutaqqeen, bcoz whatever happens you're in a win win situation. the prophet s.a.w said عجبا لأمر المؤمن إن أمره كله خير وليس ذلك لأحد إلا المؤمن: إن أصابته سراء شكر فكان خيرا له، وإن أصابته ضراء صبر فكان خيرا له How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.

[@HonestTeaTalk]

@@fjeilani Absolutely! ❤

[@HonestTeaTalk]

@@My.Lifes.JourneyWe didn't mention the verse, specifically, but taqwa is consciousness of Allah, and that's exactly what we directed sisters to in the episode by placing Allah first.

[@didasinan9669]

Good job! I will kindly like to advice sisters don't rush with kid's. Becouse we don't know what and who we are getting . it is better to get to know one another well then plan kids It is always easier to get it out for sister in case it doesn't work. Be smart

[@SSBMA1994]

Exactly. We muslims don't get to go through the fiasco of dating and getting to know each other stage. So we should not rush the after marriage process at least. We should not skip the getting to know each other and dating, instead we postpone it to after marriage then slowly decide for kids inSyaaAllah with time. Divorce with kids in the equation can get very messy :S

[@samreenmulla3926]

Incredibly difficult when everyone sits on the woman’s head about her having children. Everything is a layman’s business when it comes to a woman

[@harishaharoon8196]

😭I’m not happy with my husband , I don’t have kids ! My father passed away my mother doesn’t knows what to decide but my father did , but he’s no longer with me anymore

[@rabiahera5837]

Aoa, I really like your program. This is my story, I'm a divorced woman with two daughters. It was really difficult to be in non healthy marriage where man always torture his wife mentally and emotionally. I'm really thankful to ALLAH Almighty that I'm out of that situation. No doubt I was in state of deep depression but I keep on praying from ALLAH to erase all my memories I had spent with that man. And now Allhumdulillah suma Allhumdulillah I'm happy raising my daughters. May ALLAH bless my daughters a life full of imaan. Ameen Allahuma Ameen

[@toqeerahmadzia4676]

ALLAH Almighty bless u and ur daughters

[@Dreamersworld728]

I'm Abdullah a Muslim, single.I'm searching for a female to marry.Every Muslima can communicate with me (single,divorced,widro every female of you just want a Muslima) My whatsapp,imo,hangouts number is [phone].email is kaficou@gmail dot com

[@tinaking9120]

I’m not Muslim but I’m a new subbie. I absolutely love your channel. So much wisdom to be found here❤️

[@user-ki6pt2zg1h]

Sister please watch on KZbin ef dawah , sc ddawah channel videos regarding Islam,christianity etc

[@JunaidSalehHayat]

May Allah bring you to Islam.

[@alaiaa]

‘Judgement is from people who have not had their faces rubbed in the dust’ My first honest tea talk and it’s been eye opening.

[@OneTwo-jr6tz]

Finding yourself after separation is hard. You question your own value, your own existence at some point. It becomes hard to understand the reasons why things happened this or that way. Your existence is a struggle. You dont understand why you're here. It pains you to see yourself in the mirror and think about all the things that in reality may not be true, but your mind is speaking them to you, like "nobody likes you" "you are worthless" "you're not attractive" etc. It hurts. Living like this can be a hurdle.

[@anne-franceilunga1507]

usually after a traumatic experience, you will want to distance yourself from anything that not only reminds you of this painful experience but also did not protect you.

[@ebonycarter8357]

I have been thinking about converting for some years now. I hear so many different things. You Ladies are so amazing at breaking things down and it has helped me so much. I still have so many questions, but watching you ladies has been a big help. I TRULY APPRECIATE EACH OF YOU. THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU EACH DO.

[@stupidintellect2474]

Having been married a few years, I would say that it's up to both husband and wife to maintain their marriage. It's so important to do this to avoid 'loveless' marriages because routine sets in, children come into your lives and you become two different people leading two different lives. You go into marriage thinking your spouse is great and lovely, then after a few years with nothing major occurring and both still being good people, you fall out of love. Before divorce, try to salvage it, afterall you'll be opposing the shaytan and pleasing Allah. Try to have deep, meaningful and honest discussion about what you appreciate in one another, go out together on dates, set yourselves a target of doing at least one good thing to each other each week, and saying something nice to each other every day. This requires both, not just the woman.

[@samreenmulla3926]

Great 👍 practical advice

[@kittybegum8486]

What a great advice BUT can only be heeded if both comply

[@beautifulirawo1900]

I dont think mothers ever genuinely stay in a relationship for children.They do it more so out of fear, pressures of judgment, financial fears.

[@andreeaboloca4440]

Some do ..

[@dammee]

I agree

[@AtharAfzal]

I think the other challenges that people don't know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. It's hard being alone regardless of which ever country you live in and to ask your brothers or your dad for support

[@andreeaboloca4440]

@@AtharAfzal it is indeed but a country like UK offers a great help for single mothers and there are several charities for abused,single parents and homeless..some are even content with the place they have for themselves and their children and would rather stay in abuse just for that ..the one who keep themselves and their children under too much abuse for too long are not seen any better by Allah than the abusers themselves ..plus Allah said,He will provide ..and indeed He will in shaa Allah unless His plan is different than ours

[@AtharAfzal]

@@andreeaboloca4440 I am aware of the charities - women who are genuinely abused should use that services. However there are other women who still use such a service and are not abused. I've seen women 'claiming' abuse when none happened and falsely laid charges against their husband or ex husbands and even going as far as obtaining a restraining order when he never harmed her and just wanted to meet his kids

[@shiringaouir3172]

I am in this situation right now, I'm totally alone, depressed and finding no solution, and I stay for my kids

[@rihanabegum8353]

Shirin Gaouir May Allah make it easy for you and reward you immensely for your patience. Aameen. Be patient and seek help from allah.

[@amatullasaadia3832]

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu..Be patient but but but do something about it too sister..because there is a Hadeeth which says.."Trust Allah but for your camel too." Remember that!

[@shiringaouir3172]

I think it’s time to think carefully as an ummah how we are advising our sisters , it is never ok to allow abuse to happen to us , we are told to take action for what is wrong , and if sisters have tried to wait through these times and nothing has improved then they should take necessary action to protect themselves, I am very disappointed in some Muslims that promote the idea that sisters have to stay with abusive husbands , such a sad world we are creating for ourselves, women are suffering globally

[@shiringaouir3172]

I did ask Allah , and he made a way out for me , as he knows whAt I’ve survived , alhamdoulilah

[@maryamzahra4017]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/b2e0ipyiiJp0f5Y

[@theacknowledgedone1578]

Marriage is a team work and not 1, 2 ,3 divorce. If we flipped the argument around, then it would sound really bad and cruel. Imagine a man leaving his wife because she put on an extra 10 pounds and he fell out of love, or a man leaving his wife because she just don’t look like she she used to before. As a team both parties have to work together to make each other happy. Marriage is not a all sunshine and rainbows, it’s the union of two beautiful souls, and has in it Divine blessings. Marriage is blessed and the only way for society to avoid corruptions, adultery, and other social ills. Marriage requires some patience.

[@yazminmohamed6311]

I really appreciate you Your program bze women are those who are strangling their children in eny situation Allah SWT will reward us in janah inshaalla

[@june6206]

@@hamesiby7565 yes they do second wife it's still cheating

[@fathimabintabdurrauf7348]

It's amazing how you spoke about how I'm actually feeling in words, especially the words where you end up questioning your sanity and validity of feeling how you feel in a marriage where it's not violent. May Allaah enable us to make the right decisions and guide our paths always. You guys are doing an amazing job at clarifying how some of us feel but cannot speak about as bravely as you do.

[@ayesha7719]

Fathima Khatun me too sis SANITY SANITY SANITY 👏🏽👌🏽

[@esreen]

Ameen

[@tiyyas3022]

Aameen

[@UmmKhair901]

For sure this needs a part 2, please do a part 2 sisters. I feel this was more of for those thinking of making that decision or having just made it, but not for sisters who’ve went through it and now dealing with things. Just when it was getting good it’s ended. 😩

[@HonestTeaTalk]

We'll definitely be covering this in more depth inshaAllah

[@barbaratardy6284]

Thank you for this frank discussion! I found deep wisdom and common sense about this difficult topic. My marriage was a roller coaster ride and divorce was discussed multiple times. After years of difficulties we found our love again.

[@janinevasiliou6665]

Marriage is a 2way street regardless on culture background etc differences it involves both to work on things and themselves and compromise if the couple arent willing to grow together it wont work

[@AtharAfzal]

janine vasiliou I totally agree and I feel many times it’s just one person that decides to give up causing much emotional turmoil to the other person

[@starcherry6814]

Times like these are when I am so grateful I have such a progress family behind me Divorce is a decision that needs to be made w/out judgement. You don't know what went down in that marriage

[@CandyyPants]

From the perspective of a child whose parents chose to stay together for the sake of us. Disclaimer: everyone's situation and story is different ofc. Being small and naive ofc you fear your parents are going to split and you having to choose between either of them but honestly I really wished they divorced. The dynamic between 2 people who are just not a match for each other is just a pain for children to see. Funny thing is my parents were actually thinking they were doing a good job 'hiding' the problems from us. Let's face it children are not dumb and they will pick up on smth if there are problems. It impacted me more negatively than a divorce could ever have, I believe.

[@arianacmoi]

I agree, I wish my parents could divorce. I dont like to go home anymore because there's too much tension since 5 years..

[@CandyyPants]

@@arianacmoi I feel you

[@WandeRayne]

Assalamu Alaikum! JazakiAllahu khairan for addressing such issue! I’ve recently been divorced, like 4 months ago. It’s true that if you have the means, like to support yourself, it’s easier to just go forth and leave. However, it’s the after process of divorce that’s really hurtful. It’s like a daily torture where you would always blame yourself, that perhaps you have made the wrong decision, maybe you have not done enough, that maybe I didn’t have sabr, that you are the wrong one even though you are the victim. (I got divorced cause my husband’s father was hostile and he wanted to control my husband’s life, and my husband do not have spine to even stand up for me, for us.) It’s really hard and till now the struggle to get over it. It’s a daily mental torture...

[@khadijahdavis5942]

As salaamu alaikum sister’s thank you for the insight on this topic. I am currently going in the direction of divorce from my husband of 8 yrs. We have four children together and I am currently pregnant with our last which are twins. He is planning on leaving me before the babies are born. I live in a state with no family and I just am praying to Allah for protect for me and my children. I don’t know what is to come. I came to Islam in 2012 and then married my husband shortly after. He’s all I’ve known in regards to Islam and my family are non-Muslims. Trying to figure out how will I survive Insha Allah with 6 kids insha Allah on my own Allahs knows I don’t know what to do. Like what happens after divorce, me and him , the kids. It’s all an unknown. Then I also have the feeling of no one will want me with 6 kids. Love after this divorce seems slim for me.

[@arianacmoi]

That is not true, you can always find a husband to love you and your kids. But your ex husband needs to send you money for your kids so you can afford everything for them financially. May Allah help you !

[@larabraver]

Focus your energy on loving yourself again post-divorce, navigating parenting on your own and helping your children thrive. Having love in your life may not come in the form of a man so create a life that feeds your soul. Don’t wait for someone else to do that for you. Find joy in becoming a better person, sharing your talents/ volunteering, laughter, learning, gardening and so on. May Allah light your path and make the crooked places straight. Aameen.

[@muslimah42]

Sister im a revert as well, are you ok ? Let us know In Shaa Allah

[@butuuti]

Assalamu'alaikum sister. I just came across this comment and I'm concerned about how you're doing. I have two kids with one on the way, so I can't even imagine how hard it must be with 6 in this situation. Please let us know how you're doing to see how we can help inshaa-Allah

[@fatmawarda1639]

Successful marriage starts when husband and wife constantly put good efforts to each other Divorce is a serious step to take because once taken it can not be undone May Allah make their marriage a blessing not a trial for them

[@andreeaboloca4440]

It can actually be undone ,but with a limit of course

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

@@andreeaboloca4440 we turn to Allah! He makes it all successful!

[@Risanaification]

Sisters could you please make a discussion on a Narcissistic husband. Jazzakallah

[@Ssookawai]

He should become an ex, end of story. There's no other way.

[@RIMJANESSOHMALOOG]

My wife is a narcissist

[@omsarr02]

Salaam MashAllah. I am a brother following your talk show. May Allah reward all the women who sacrifice for the sake of their children. My mom was one of them. AlhamdulilAh we had the chance to let her know that we all appreciate her sacrifice. She passed away last December. She was the home tutor, the ustaz, the friend thought we were all boys and 1 girl, the younger. Mom was able to manager us all perfectly. Today if I were to feel like taking a second wife, I will do my utmost best to show care for my first wife. I will make sure I will never hurt a sister.....

[@old1skool]

Thank you for another insightful episode. We brothers need to hear these discussions to understand more - Jazakum Allahu khair

[@DrNaz2011]

Much needed discussion. Discussions like this are needed. Its a very complex topic. Multiple areas to think about

[@neha-nn8sb]

Patient has its limitations, i saw many mothers who face marriage problems. Children know what is going on in the house even if you pretend that you are happy, some of them hate their father because they remember the struggle their mom went through so such kind of abuse is not good for your mental health and its not good for your children and if you are with him just for financial it's good to do everything and get tired physically instead of mentally

[@ayaansworld7934]

These people are doing such a great job bringing this all out for public

[@jumadamuharram]

Awesome sister's so much to say on this topic. But everything was on point.

[@mstasi27]

As Salamu alaikum.. I've never seen this channel before and came right into this episode. This is truly meant for me as this is my current struggle. 14 year marriage where I have laid myself down like a door mat.. My children see it and understand it but they rather be happy and have me be happy as well. I feel I'll have to flip our whole life upside down while he changes nothing but the woman in front of him. His "character" had been molded in our community and the woman who leave those type of women are ignored and laughed at. I'm sorry this is so long, but it just makes me want to cry.

[@hadiaafzal1072]

I dont know you but as a Muslim, I'll pray that may Allah grant you ease and happiness in this lofe and the next. Ameen ya Rabb al Alamin

[@romz11khan]

I have learned from my own experiences witnessing a marriage where the woman is unhappy with her husband, never to stay in a marriage if you're unhappy, and you have children. especially when infidelity is involved. I understand the sacrifice women make for their children, but if you're unhappy it is hard for you to help anyone else. And it becomes very toxic and unhealthy to live like that, especially for the kids. They grow up with so much resentment towards their father and an unhealthy depiction of what marriage is. May Allah protect every woman and man from an unfaithful or unlawful marriage, and spouse. May Allah place barakah, and happiness in your unions and your homes and protect you all from being married to someone who makes you unhappy. A'meen.

[@shagaffaridi1530]

Aameen 🤲

[@janinevasiliou6665]

I do agree however that there is a lack of guidance when a women wants to divorce and thats it's so much easier for a guy... this is a valid issue.

[@AtharAfzal]

janine vasiliou unfortunately it’s hard as for a man as it is for a woman

[@takemypainaway9517]

Athar Afzal please explain how it’s hard for a man? I’m being very genuine and sincere when I ask. :)

[@AtharAfzal]

@@takemypainaway9517 Sure I don't mind sharing. Men experience different forms of emotions than a woman would (I can only speak on a man with children in divorce). 1. Parental alienation - the children (even though) they don't want to pick sides end up picking sides - and no matter what the father does - he becomes alienated from his own children (yes even after he has been with them since birth, changed their diapers, fed them albeit from a bottle, bathed them, etc.) 2. Laws are more favorable to a woman in divorce of children - and most men end up paying child support / spousal support. Restraining orders, etc. Many men tend to lose heavily in courts. Even in Islamic courts - it's hard to win a case of men having shared or sole custody of his children. 3. Being single and lonely - as easy as many see it - we men now have children. Most women wouldn't consider marrying us - also it becomes hard for men to consider marrying a woman with sons if he has daughters from another relationship. He ends up supporting his own children (whether they're with him) and a new wife. 4. Loss of friends - probability of friends citing with his (ex)wife are far greater than siding with him. Men are 'generally viewed' as the ones who broke up the marriage. 5. Financially being responsible to the other parent - many 'claim' this is for the children - my counter to that is - I'd rather keep the children and have a great time with them on the money I earn vs. paying the other parent - especially when she left the marriage. Many many many men are financially constrained post divorce. These are just some that either I have experienced OR I've heard from other single dads.

[@al.345]

This is true and the stigma there is around it, it’s like when a man divorces the woman no one says anything but when the woman does she’s looked at like a failure and that she was the one who ruined the marriage.

[@AtharAfzal]

Ava Khan it’s the same if a man gets divorced by a woman - his rights are pretty much terminated- and in many cases the mother can ask for the sole custody of the children. Also many people do provide empathy and support towards women - if you take a look at how many women shelters there are run by Islamic organizations- it’s a lot more than men.

[@mara1275]

Thank you so much for your work, God bless you all!

[@amala1874]

This was such a fantastic episode sisters, keep them coming! We need more heart to heart honest conversations about these "hot topics" in a modern islamic perspective. Bless you all!

[@ik4296]

There's so much on this topic.... this needs further discussion!

[@gigimonrose157]

I didn't realise you guys were inspired by Red Table Talk! I absolutely LOVVVvvvvvE that show! And I love how you guys have taken that idea and made it your own. Great show ladies.

[@roxanahashmi8731]

Very good talk mashalah. The thing is sometimes divorce has never been on woman's mind and she has taken eveything but then because there is no boundaries in the marriage, the husband does the ultimate heartbreak. She finds out that he had been with another woman for a long time and her and kids heads no idea . He abbandons kids and leaves to live with the other woman . The woman who had taken everything from him for 25 years and had kids with him, now has no choice but to divorce. But it's amazing after eveything the man has done ,it is still the woman who is judged and looked down.

[@mohammedammaruddin3374]

Ur every word since the beginning just brought tears...DIFFICULT

[@Moon_2024]

Istqara is the key. Alhamdulilah 🙂

[@africanqueenmo]

So much wisdom ladies great conversation.

[@shadteacher]

U are all speaking my mind exactly. Im so grateful to u guys for making this conversation. No one understands a mother's emotions who goes through so much. Puts up with husband, in -laws, etc. And its very easy for husbands to get away if the shelter, food, security accounts are looked after by him but no one watches him demeaning the wife emotionally.

[@purplelove3666]

No one is asking women to put up with their terrible husbands

[@arianacmoi]

Assalamu-aleikoum. This is a good episode and I can relate to that because I've been aware of stories where the woman is just stuck in her marriage. I think the "kids" is just an excuse. There's many reasons why a woman can't live : 1) She doesnt have any job or any degrees. If she leaves, how can she take care of herself or the kids ? Women NEEDS to get a work or study in case something happens. 2) The age. Women fear to leave because after hitting the 40's they think no one will want them anymore.. this is not true,there's too many good brothers who wants a wife just so they can live a happy life and sometimes they have been suffering too. Women can get any guy no matter how old they are 3) Pressure from the family and society. If she leaves the marriage she's considered as a bad mother or wife. But if a man leaves a marriage no one will tell him anything wrong. This cultural stereotypes goes against islam and we need to erase that way of thinking. Women needs to work, study, be financially independant so in case the husband is bad she can just leave him. Women needs to teach their son to be good men, and to be good men especially towards women. They need to teach their son that they are in charge of their sisters if something happens and she get divorced. Women needs to understand that life doesnt stop after a divorce. Its a new reborn. And in some cases, its a new starting and a better one. May Allah protect my sisters who are struggling in their marriage, all my love and my duaa's go for you if you are reading me. ♥ Assalamu-aleikoum.

[@Luther_Luffeigh]

I agree, great points

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Thank you. This gives me hope.

[@Celine-rn7dc]

Alhamdulilah, this has to be discussed more frequently. As an appropriate option for women who are having their needs unmet by their husbands.

[@kb5025]

Masha Allah allahumma barik!! THANK YOU so much!! ❤ Ich love your Episodes and im looking forward for the next Episode of parenting because thats my big struggle... Im sorry for my english. Big hugs from germany ❤️

[@arbuk3617]

Assalamu alaykum from Germany dear sisters ❤ jazaki Allahu khayr for this platform and giving us honest talks about all these important topics :) I was watching this video bec of my parents current situation and I don't really know how to help them - I think they probably deal with lack of love you mentioned bec actually there are not big problems in our family alhamdulillah... keep us in our duas pls - and keep on!

[@lisathomas5812]

I can watch these videos over and over Alhamduillah 🙏🏾💖

[@samt2875]

Such well articulated and educated people on this panel MashAllah, each episode is lovely to watch. I actually thank you for this, May Allah bless you for your efforts. ❤️

[@goldenrain87]

Subhan’Allah you ladies just talked about my life literally... Jazak’Allah khair for this open talk, it’s much needed ❤️

[@abdinajma2]

So proud of you guy's ❤️ thank you for what you do 🙏

[@cherryblossom6551]

Allahiyabaarikfeekum! It is so very important to talk about this topic. I feel that some sisters may have distanced themself from the deen after divorce, bcs of the discourse that prevailed all these years in the muslim community. So they started searching for comforting answers somewhere else. There is alot of toxic empowerment talk on non-muslim platforms and if you are in a vulnerable state Shaytaan has easier access and stronger influence on you. But I think it got much better. Even... Divorce is not only not a taboo anymore, but it's almost taken too lightly by some. I don't forget the shock, when I first heard the suggestion of getting married with the idea of divorce. So just giving it a try and if things don't seem right we can divorce anytime, wich is another extreme. Allahulmusta'an

[@amirahzaky]

This was such an important and beneficial episode. JazakAllahu khair

[@lamizaemandien7287]

Jazaakallah khairan. Great topic as always I started watching your show 3 days ago and needless to say I am kinda binge watching 🤭 love the show, great job sisters. Looking forward to many more. May Allah grant this show to grow from strength to strength. Ameen

[@ummmedina6969]

Amazing, please have a part 2, I need to hear more, I love these talks so much and looking forward to the next one in sha Allah, may Allah reward you all ameen.

[@mhs1557]

Mashaallah Sumayah so much wisdom, mercy and empathy ♡

[@mariamhalfani28]

This is definitely a topic that needs at least 3 hours to get to the bottom and discuss as much as. 22 mns is not enough. It is very true though. If none of them are as strong in religion as well, they are affected much worse.

[@ajmahamr]

MashaAllah. Aliyah always give points that I can relate.

[@bead_on_demand]

I would say make Allah the focal point even before entering the marriage and not the man. If something bad happens Allah will guide and make things better Insha Allah. Relationship with Allah first and foremost is the key of success with other relationships around you.

[@jaimecarrillo4755]

Now I understand my mother better

[@amiramz7869]

sumeya at 18:00 may Allah bless u all i was actually surfing the internet today over this issue and how, subhan Allah, most of the fatawas i read and saw were saying have sabr few points were always given as valid reasons and others weren't entertained i just wanted a woman's perspective and I'm glad I came here may Allah increase u all in goodness and beneficial knowledge we need more of u in this world

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Another great conversation, sisters.

[@rasheeda1303]

If both parties aren't willing to seek mutual honor/respect per counsel what other choice? Also I agree considering children is another dynamic. Patience😊 great topic.

[@saroshmoeed163]

I really appreciate your concern about women problems..i m from Pakistan.tonight for the first time I saw your KZbin channel and starting hearing your thoughts.i m going through hard times in marriage these days .and this talk help me.💞💞💞

[@fatma-et4yk]

You guys are the best🤗💖🥰love the advice

[@jazmincervantes2092]

May Allah bless you 3 ❤ Really benefited from this episode

[@abumuhammad1798]

Oh Allah I cry when I hear this talk, it’s exactly my life what I am living now in my marriage. I know AllahSWT test us in every moment. I will say Alhamdulillah I am alive for my kids. Because it’s hard to woman who has no support from outside and nowhere to welcome her to live. She has no choice just stay being patient with that.....May AllahSWT make our akhirah beautiful Ameen.

[@remadodi4982]

i really enjoy this show , God bless you

[@justafriend3408]

Interesting discussion ladies, keep it up! To me Marriage is a control system where people are owned and this will never happily work. This is because naturally as human species we are mentally wired to be free. However, People who feel they want to be free need to separate reasonably and still stay in touch. Divorce doesn't have to mean hatred afterwards and in the end everyone could be happier including the children.

[@andreaboyd3433]

SubhanaAllah "its by the grace of Allah and His mercy I remain on my Deen." I continue to seek knowledge for "me" and strengthen my Eman, ( curling-up reading a Good book, along with the Noble Qur'an) how to better myself as a Muslim wife.

[@samabdi4990]

U r wonderful guys💖🥰🥰🥰

[@Abu_Bilaal]

Honest Tea Talk Just a suggestion for an episode. The questions a person must ask a potential spouse before they get married. For example a complete CRB check.

[@cherryblossom6551]

I think a huge part, which plays a keyrole in the topic of divorce, is ones conscious state of mind before having entered the marriage. I see alot of sisters rushing into marriage, without having completed themselves first. I personally believe, that when I am still struggling with my innerself, failing at the basics and I still haven't found a way to find contentment through Allah, then it's not the right time to get married. It's just not fair towards the other half. Most people in my circle got divorced, bcs either they or their partner didn't marry with the right mindset and then those who aren't married are afraid to, bcs of all the unhappy divorces they've witnessed around them. I think it's important to sit down and reflect before getting re/married, asking oneself "Is this really the right time to get re/married?". It's a battle between heart and mind, but so very essential, bcs you can't give from an empty vessel. Both parties should have filled their cup before getting married, so when they add them together, their cup will be full. If we do that and then it's still not working out, I believe it's the Qadr of Allah, bcs some things are only reached after having gone through the process of trial. Allahua'lem

[@Fay17]

First of all jazakumullah khayran for talking about issues that help sisters. Second would just like to remind ourselves that when you do things such as 'sacrifice' ourselves for our kids we should do it for the sake of Allah...in everything actually that is done when enduring hardships in life, then there won't be bitterness when you don't taste the fruits of your sacrifice/hard Work etc.

[@ummismail20]

Thank you for this; jazakumAllahu khairan x

[@wandaba90]

Watched this before I got married almost 3 years ago now as a divorced woman with no children subhanAllah I must say letting that man go was the best thing I’ve ever done it’s only been a little over a month but Alhamdullilah my eman has increased and I’m focused on my goals a real reset you might feel alone and without much support for awhile but it’s for you to level up the wrong man isn’t worth the fights , stress , weight loss and weight gain, lack of support , balwad etc. Alhamdullilah

[@zaynabzaid1676]

Haven’t disagreed with one word that has come out of any of their mouths from episode 1-14. May Allah grant you all success in all your endeavors and protection from the evil eye and every devil and may He grant you ease and rectify your affairs. Waiting patiently for season 2 Insha’Allah. Wish I was sitting right there with you guys on these discussions.

[@khadijafatima9240]

May Allah protect us from every evils of people, May Allah make a way out of our difficulties with khair o afiyat & shower his mercy upon us 🤲

[@user-tf3lv6yr8i]

sis Aliyyah you hit my situation exactly in the 15th minute

[@ayanahmed7967]

MashaAllah, i have been waiting for this topic. May Allah reward you all sisters💖💞

[@tariqelbaniasharif5725]

MashaAllah dear sister, love and support for this channel course it helps me understand my wife and try to solve any issues with her coz we men don't know much about women and that is the problem facing many marriages, although it is a two way partnership we all need to know what is the problem that makes us rise the divorce rate in Muslim communities which is very high in this generation and it pains me because it breaks our unity and brings depression, stress and many more things to our religion. May Allah bless you on this course

[@samiraali3114]

Salaam sister. Depression can come in different ways. Iam talking from experience

[@reshmasayed4901]

Really my sisters u covered all the point...none of the video gave me this answer...but u did. Thanks a lot for this video

[@bas6628]

My mother suffered from my father for 4 years and she stood by us( 4 boys)when we were young and yes sacrificed her happiness but she had faith, love and feared Allah. And no.........we didn't fly the nest and I didn't leave her because I sacrificed my higher education because me and my brothers remembered her pain and love for us. And she has been rewarded and blessed with a loving family environment (sadly my father passed away). But she Still honered my father by careing for him during his alzimers illness. ' do not grieve or be broken hearted for if you have faith you will succeed'. Now if you ask me what characteristics I want in a woman (wife) then it has to be the strength of character of my mum. For she is the real superhero in my Life. Subhallah.. funny thing is it all worked out well in the end. All my brothers have good Jobs and financially healthy. Oh mum has two beautiful grandchildren as well. Allah is Most Gracious... Most kind

[@harfeezah_6684]

These make me think of my mom staying in a marriage becos of the children...so sad

[@ARZene9]

Thank you for this video. I did not feel fulfilled in my marriage so I decided to make the difficult decision to divorce my wife. Thankfully there were no kids involved. We are both good people but we are simply incompatible. I was miserable, losing weight, and very unhappy in my relationship which is why I decided to divorce. A mistake we made was rushing into ktab without truly getting to know one another. Could you make a video on things to ask and know about a partner BEFORE doing ktab?

[@coolcat6341]

I respect you when you said "we both good people", I was listening to man talking about marriages he said sometimes the women is like mint tea and the man is a Turkish coffee both are excellent and beautiful but not mixed together

[@maryamj7523]

Who needs a sociologist when you on the show, sisters of H/T Talk you really help me in every way shukran....on top of it I'm a convert and not that I got married I fall inlove with the Religion Allah knows the best! Alhamdulillah