Do Avoidants Forget You During No Contact?

[@JustmrEllison]

Avoidant fa gf came back after 4 months. My nc then was really really bad, completely lost my mind. Fast forward and 2 years later I have been dumped again and now back in nc but this time I’m learning about attachment theory and sticking to nc. I’m only going to like her social media posts that are serious and related to her talent. Beeing dumped by an avoidant is like waking up every morning and learning someone you love has died. It’s brutal and not a game for amateurs.

[@13sprintuser]

dang... why did she dump you a second time? sorry dude

[@wingberry123]

Don't forget to acknowledge why she broke up with you. Not enough NC can fix that.

[@kaeli1983]

Not the carrier pigeons 😩

[@Swapmeet421]

If we dated for three weeks, went no contact for just about the same amount of time, reestablished contact to great reciprocation, admittedly I became a little excited and asked her to meet up a bit early, causing her to become extremely dodgy and eventually went into ghost mode all together, what would be the best course of action from here?

[@healingwithcharlie]

Back into no contact my friend. Not with the intention of getting her back, but to take time for yourself to reflect on why it may not be to the best to pursue someone that is dodgy when you ask them to meet up. Keep in mind you only dated for 3 weeks, and it wasn't long until you went into no contact for the first time. 3 weeks in no contact isn't very long for most people to heal their attachment wounds if I'm being honest (this applies to both sides)

[@Swapmeet421]

Does the FA typically reach out first or does it depend?@@healingwithcharlie

[@tinac6114]

I just feel like NC & the amount of time my avoidant takes to reach back out is valuable time he's wasted that we could've had together!

[@TimStJohn-xp8rv]

Exactly.... 5 yrs dealing with a FA! Love her deeply, I know there is a good person inside of her!

[@lilywashere_]

He jumped into a rebound with his neighbor after three weeks of leaving me so I guess I’m already erased from his memory bank.

[@OliverPlayzzOfical]

This is very common. Don’t torture yourself like I did. My ex broke up with me, moved out, and ran to a new relationship the same day. With no time in between. How did I know? Because she worked next door to my job & I got a visual play by play every day they were together (which wasn’t long). Just tell yourself that it isn’t you. Stay no contact. Don’t watch this fake relationship play out. Heal yourself. Surround yourself with good people. You deserve it. One day, you will begin to see how freeing it is to be apart from them.

[@indigodp7]

​@@OliverPlayzzOfical thank you. I needed to hear this. Thank you 🙏

[@michaelmich00]

they wont heal and u will, imagine if that was your kids dad/mom, horrendous childhood for them. avoidants will never fully commit and never live life and enjoy it, they are insecure, scared, broken and think perfectionism is standard. dont worry, u will enjoy things they wont even consider, they will regret it once they got dumped/dumped themselves another 8 times and see how loving u were! that love is scarce, not to be delusional but in todays datingworld with hookupculture and 50% divorcerates, real love is something they wont find easily again.

[@cherrylane79]

He is just running from his problems.

[@THEDANILUCKSSHOW]

@viovsaFACTS

[@baldersn4474]

I feel like I need to reach out to her as i upset her we had a row and I said dome nasty stiff , she kicked me out of het house the next day and blocked me , told me to stay away from her etc...Then couple of days later in a friday when I normally go for a drink with friemds after work, all of a sudden she unblocked me ? So I reached out to her sending a nice message she read it but didn't reply ? I went out that night git drunk amd sent her a shitty message saying whh hadn't she replied and she said , ' You told me to unblock me so I did , doesnt mean I got to talk to you, leave me alone, stay out of my inbox.. ' Next day I apologised and sent her a message saying sorry , sge didn't even read ir and ghosted me ..That was nearly a week ago now...Whats your thoughts? I'm confused. .We were together on/off three years..

[@divyanshusayal]

My DA immediately backed off (after 2 weeks) and made me aware of her emotional unavailability after ghosting me for a week when a messy situationship resurfaced in her life. Figured I’d never fall for a ghoster, and thought we’d just talk, but fell in love over the next few months, with her reciprocating a bit too here and there! But she started pulling more and more as it became real-er. Really got overwhelming so I initiated a NC that i broke myself last week, but now she’s completely done with me and started a NC on her own, said she still wants to be friends because I’m very important to her but needs some space. So I’m assuming it’s not a proper NC. I still love her, what do i do?

[@JohnBoulding]

Stop calling, texting and seeing her social media. It's hard but you must go on with your life without her in it. You're enabling her to continue to use you as her emotional support/punching bag. No matter how.muxh you love someone, it won't 'fix' them plus it's not your job to do this. Take care of YOU and wish her well. As long as you have romantic feelings for her you can't really be her friend unless you enjoy loving a 'friend' who you can never have. This is a higher version of the friendzone. Remember that some people stay in your life for a long time, some for a short time but you learn things about yourself regardless. There are seasons for people in your life. Once winter is over spring comes in and you can't recover that past winter so let it go

[@lankeysob]

Is there a timeline range for each of these feelings?

[@healingwithcharlie]

There can be but it depends on the avoidant mostly. I cover general timelines in more detail in my Dismissive Avoidant No Contact video :)

[@lankeysob]

Thanks will check it out! We’ve been on and off for over half a decade and it never gets easier each time.

[@nimishapathak199]

What does it mean when you wish him on his birthday and he's happy that you texted after nc. But you have a bare minimum conversation. And then he wishes you on your birthday and again a negligible conversation. Does it mean they don't wish to talk or don't care?

[@abekabe678]

​@@lankeysobAre they the one always dumping you?

[@derrick.crawford1005]

We have been 6 no contact. The first few weeks I didn’t understand / do nc correctly. But I have reached out in nearly 6 months and she recently blocked me on one avenue on one social media. So many questions; was that to not see me, me not see her, to get me to reach out etc.

[@abekabe678]

The more I reached out, the more stuff she blocked me on too 😖 quit trying. I think this means they've found someone else and can't handle the stress of actually dealing with their heartbroken ex and this new person at the same time.

[@aristark559]

after how many months does nostalgia phase kick in?

[@Animecat161]

that's a good question. A few people told me after 2 months its suppose to kick in. most if they experience a lot of rejection by others

[@aristark559]

​​@@Animecat161 it actually happened exactly after 2 months in my case - 2 months ago.

[@Porschesvideos]

How bout if you've known of each other for over 23 years (married to your best friend who sets you up but they are divorcing) and then you live together for 3 of the 4 months you're together and during the month you didn't live together, you did video chat 8 to 15 hrs a day?? is that significant enough a time if you were intensely close? or

[@serotoninmiddie]

Mine was not even EX but ghosting me for almost a month now after I we had a nice convo. Guess he didn’t know he already been disown. idc anymore. 🙄

[@seetaapplewhaite8298]

Can't say he will come back my husband had avoid all contacts and I haven't seen or heard anything from him since September 2023 so I guess it's over and I am forgotten.... I'm healing slowly and taking care of me but I do wonder if he still remembers me every now and again

[@nimishapathak199]

Hi if anyone can help, are avoidants curious about you if you remove their access to your social media or do they forget you? Basically is it better to let them see what you are upto or not? Any opinion would be great

[@norswil8763]

It all depends on your situation and how your partner is, not all avoidents are equal. But in general, if you're posting shows how much growing you're doing and how much fun and progress you're making then it can only be a good thing.

[@nimishapathak199]

@@norswil8763 thank you so much for your response :)

[@norswil8763]

@@nimishapathak199 good luck. You really have to be realistic, it's hard but your really choosing someone who isn't choosing you, so you must live for yourself and not them in the meantime. Take them down off the pedestal.

[@nimishapathak199]

@@norswil8763 You're absolutely right. It takes a lot to get that acceptance. Since the impact of rejection is higher. And as time passes by the good memories remain. I'll get there soon, thanks :)

[@norswil8763]

@@nimishapathak199 you'll be fine, hell you'll be great🙂

[@gtamaster4517]

You mentioned at the end of video that we could share our story with you. I gotta good one -

[@gregvanpaassen]

As a DA, I want to forget anyone who is a source of conflict or negative energy as quickly as possible and for as long as possible.

[@cherrylane79]

An FA can imagine that the problem is the other person, when actually they are causing the problems. (the relationship can be triggering to avoidants, not necessary the person).

[@Animecat161]

what happened if your ex was always supporting, loving and understanding towards you ?

[@gregvanpaassen]

@@Animecat161 Interesting hypothetical question! Let me know if it ever happens! 🙂

[@wenders5884]

I lost my 4yr bf. He said he cared but he was seeing someone else. I’m so hurt.