Enneagram: Help For Type 5

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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[@jasonjase8661]

Fives aren't really stingy or not want to share their information. They are aware enough to know that most people don't give a sh!t about things more than a surface level. Fives try not to inconvenience someone else with what they are interested in, since that has nothing to do with them.

[@jopool6115]

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@brennathompson1855]

38:30 Once my pregnant roommate received a test result that said her baby would be born with spina bifida and she had to travel to a larger hospital for another test to confirm it. I am not very good at emotional comfort (though I tried the best I could!), but I researched the test and discovered it had a high false positive rate. It very high for patients who had a difficult time determining the date of conception, which was her situation. After I shared those studies with her, she felt like the weight of the world was taken of her shoulders and went into the second appointment much more confident. And many months later she gave birth to a healthy baby girl without spina bifida! Sometimes knowledge-based counseling is beneficial.

[@tenawoods]

Love this!

[@ZhiyingHarp]

Wing 5 here. i had a friend who told me she has some growths in her womb and she was really worried. Being the Wing 5 that i am, i knew that the chinese traditional medical doctors view growths very differently from western doctors. i asked her, " have you thought about seeking 2nd opinion from TCM doctor? " Suddenly her eyes light up and thanked me profusely.

[@PaperclipProphets]

Great comment, thanks for sharing! God bless you, your friend & her daughter 🙏

[@ablevins6829]

I don't think fear is the only or the main thing that drives 5s to study. We actually enjoy it for the process and the rewards that are internal. I do love your videos though. These are great!

[@jasonsomers8224]

I agree, though it could be a repressed fear and we just don't realize.

[@rajendranagotu]

I too am unable to connect to the fear aspect as a driving force of a 5's seeking

[@leonidasi3590]

@_Hudera_ Sounds like a 5w4 to me! Being a five has resonated a lot with me. Now I know why I was seeking for knowledge and new discoveries.

[@daves9551]

Yup. Agree. I just enjoy examining and learning as much as I can. Maybe the only “fear” aspect is that I’m never just “ok” with what I know and that we only live a short time on this earth. So the fear of gaining as much knowledge as I can in a short period of time? That’s the only fear part I can see.

[@jaydasondi2978]

It is based on fear maybe suppressed or repressed.

[@timmcdraw7568]

I think you missed the point of the avarice. Its not about wanting more of something, wanting to be the only one who knows something.Its not about ego at all. Fives are people who had one or more parent literally feeding off of them, living through them, devouring. The avarice is about the fear of being invaded. I have to say that, while I totally cop to that as a five, its a huuuuge part of who I am buried so deeply in me that I'm afraid I'll never be able to let it go, but I wouldn't call it avarice. I have the feeling that word was assigned to the five by someone who wasn't a five because I am really aware that it appears selfish and stingy on the outside, but on the inside it is literally abject terror. The terror that someone is going to invade you again, devour your very being, or shame your core self, and destroy you. "If I can hide this piece of who I am, tuck it deep inside where no one can reach it, then I will not be obliterated by you when you tear through me and consume me." It is NOT "if I tell you everything that I know than I will not be the only one who knows this, and I will no longer feel special." Fives aren't envious, necessarily. An issue is that we over-identify with the knowledge - we think therefor we are. We think that our very being is tied up in what we are thinking about.

[@bouclechocolat]

Hoo boy did this hit close to home. My own experience - being VERY sensitive and quick to cry as a child and getting yelled at before comforted. When I got older, being told "you have your dad's anger" to shut me up whenever I'd try to stand up for myself. Any display of negative emotion was an opening to attack. I've gotten older and dealt with that but I've always been reserved lest someone use my emotion as a reason why I can't be heard.

[@twlahue]

Thank you so much for this insight. Very interesting.

[@timmcdraw7568]

@@bouclechocolat Oh I relate to this comment so so deeply. I'm so sorry you were raised like that. Its so painful. Ive uncovered really painful memories of crying in my crib, scared and lonely as a baby, and my mother would finally arrive and I would think "she heard me! I'm not alone, she is going to hold me and reassure me" (not in language of course, but the feeling of those words would sweep over my body, the feeling of loving her so much and being loved. and then she would yank me painfully up out of the crib and through gritted teeth would tell me to shut up shut up shut up, and other awful words I couldn't quite understand and I would become petrified of her, the feeling that she was going to truly kill me she hated me so much. I grew into a person who refused to cry, love, or need anyone if I could help it - and was again rejected for not reaching out to my mother as a child, even though I was praised for being an "easy baby who didn't cry", I was called angry and combative for the rest of my life. But I could fascinate her and my father with the things I was thinking about, and with the things I was learning. My worthiness of love was tied to my brain, and they would devour my mind - but they also debated it with the intention to crush, even at six, seven, even four! There was no being wrong because being wrong was being disgusting, rejected. So when there was something I was deeply interested in, especially if it was something outside my parents narrow rigid worldview, I kept it to myself. Protected its secrecy with my very life. Because I knew it would be stolen by them or destroyed by them. There wasn't a third option.

[@Kyuubixcel]

@@timmcdraw7568 God damn that hit really close to home. I'm curious, how did you recover these memories? I'm doing some research into trauma releases and exercises because it's affecting me on a physical level and i'm really unsure how to access these emotions..

[@lovelyinlux82]

So so so true, thank you...

[@DanceMotherSuperior]

As a 5, I mostly hold on to my emotions. I will share a select portion of my "self" with certain people as I deem them deserving. No one will ever see the whole picture!

[@DanceMotherSuperior]

@@GM-qi8pw Not really. I have no problem sharing certain information with anybody. But I don’t trust anyone, whether I think I will interact with them again or not.

[@catloaf_4139]

So true! And the reason for me is to gain the exact emotional resonance from that person

[@snoopyontheground3481]

if you are a type then you basically suck relationally - that's ok - but u suck life energy from others.

[@lorithompson9166]

I don’t feel fear drives me to knowledge, I feel it’s knowledge that draws me because of my intense curiosity. 🥸

[@mgirl30]

Yes!!

[@jasonsomers8224]

I feel the same, but I've realized that being incompetent would make me feel terrible, so maybe I am scared of being stupid. I do think that most of my motivation comes from curiosity though.

[@AE0N777]

The 5’s main fear is being incompetent so it makes sense !

[@stardustbroughttolife7721]

I've eaten the same breakfast for years, or small variations of it, for about 20 years. I like it and somehow never gotten bored of it, I know it's healthy, it's affordable and doesn't take a lot of my time. Following the same routine also allows me to focus on more important stuff. It's funny how most people react when I tell them I eat the same thing everyday though.

[@simoroshka]

Same!

[@gee9291]

Lol I eat the same thing everyday too. Oatmeal is a must in my morning routine.

[@CChantim]

I’ve eaten a PB&J sandwich for lunch everyday since elementary school

[@SuperUghhhhh]

Cream of wheat 2 slices of bacon 2 fried eggs and some toast.

[@mgirl30]

Haha, yeah! I literally wrote a blog post once on this very subject. How I resent all the time it takes to put together and execute meals. The planning, the shopping, the cooking, cleaning up after, etc, when I would rather use that time doing something cool or learning something. As a humorist, I even added the part about the time it takes having to go to the bathroom to dispose of the waste from the stupid meal, as well.. ;) Truly, I have said time and again, I could eat the same thing everyday (which I pretty much do) and not tire of it. 'Cos it's more important for me to devote time to reading/thinking/learning cool stuff as opposed to using the time to have to think about different meals.

[@Sean-wx2ht]

When you mentioned “mind-numbing activities” and audiobooks at around 32/33 minutes in, that was dead on! I was literally playing video games with this on in the background.

[@yeshua-on-wings]

I was going to make the same comment.

[@jasonsomers8224]

I do that all the time

[@AlejandraRamirez-ml2lq]

Wow, same, during my internship last semester sometimes I didn't have many difficult tasks to get done so I would just sit down in front of the computer and play documentaries on the background, I started being really interested in history and I remember I once watched a full 50 mins explanation of the middle ages. Whatever interested me I listened to while working in trivial stuff.

[@LoveAlwaysLaDay]

I honestly feel so confused. I'm a 5. I want to have more intimate friendships... like you said, I honestly thought sharing interesting information was a part of bonding. When people seem not interested... I've always interpreted that as a sign of rejection. I get quiet because I feel like you don't like me. And I don't want to bother you. I didn't realize that other people were talking about different "more meaningful" things... I want to get better... but I honestly dont where to start.... because my next question is... what do you want me to talk about? What type of conversations do others find interesting? I watched all of your other enneagram videos.... and I don't see what other people expect... which is frustrating. This is not intuitive for me.... I genuinely want to know....

[@twlahue]

Wow, I appreciate your comment. It can be hard for 5's. Try talking to people by studying them. Get them to talk about themselves. Pretend you are a reporter gather info about them for a report. Investigate them. Ask them how they felt, what they think, what they want to happen, etc... get them talking about themselves. And then when you have their attention, after they feel listened to try to connect your information with their problems. Good luck!

[@LoveAlwaysLaDay]

@@twlahue this is really helpful! Thank you ☺

@@LoveAlwaysLaDay I'm a 5. I relate to what you say about it being difficult to relate to people. I just got diagnosed as autistic a few months ago at 40 years old. It basically explains my entire life up to this point. I feel like the 5 describes so many traits of autistic individuals in so many ways. Not every 5 is autistic, but I think it can be a natural fit.

[@FredHKelley]

Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Great book. Bottom line, you have to ask people about THEM. That's what they want to talk about. If you express genuine interest in them and get them to talk about themselves first, most people will reciprocate and ask about you. But remember, it ain't about you.

[@Thelittleclipstore]

I wonder what you mean by more meaningful thing? I have the same issue where I feel people aren’t interested in what I am. But I believe the stuff I share is very useful and helpful ,I’m a mom and sometimes I will talk about parenting and kids behaviors and types but most people show little interest and I can’t understand why. I share things that helped me and so many others . Sounds like to me that they don’t wanna hear anything that takes a lot of mental effort to understand. So ye it’s tuff , but since knowing how to type ppl I found more people that enjoy what I enjoy and it’s such a relief ..

[@spunstricken9065]

I can’t speak for all 5s, but I think you are overlooking the pure pleasure that exercising the mind brings a 5. I love logic puzzles. Do I leave the finished extra hard puzzles open at a social dance to let everyone know how special I am. No. Like you said in another video, I walk in and give everyone a cheerful hello and go dance. When not dancing, I sit alone. No one knows I am a Cellular Biologist. I’m one of the most popular dancers, because I found it pleasurable to stretch myself to become decent. I also bathe and dress fashionably. I’m not looking for friends at these dances, just a physical outlet and dancing is its own kind of mental escape and can even be a transcendent experience depending on what dance you are doing. It can also be a deep communication on a nonverbal level. Connection without conversation or further expectation.I am a 5w4, so a bit of a chameleon. I can fit in most anywhere to enjoy a wide variety of experiences. I’m as comfortable in a laboratory as I am at a Ballroom dance or a sweat lodge. My husband says I have way too many clothes, because I have to look the part wherever I go. We are multi-dimensional people like everyone else. People say I’m pretty fearless. I do get drained by drama and small talk, but people come to me with their deep problems and I cry with them, hold hands, etc. and then move on. So good in a crisis, but I’m not the person to call for gossip. I would suggest getting a broader perspective than your teenaged son. :) Thank you for the videos. They provide a lot of good information.

[@spunstricken9065]

I also don’t learn slap dash. I seek out experts and take courses, whether they are dance courses, spiritual courses or university.

[@megankate4722]

The fear is what drives us to study. Many of us had less than ideal childhoods, the reality of being dependent on an emotionally volatile parent as a child is terrifying. In that situation, we were helpless and we carry that. I don't think it's something to try deny or rationalize away because we perceive being fearful as bad. I think we were incredibly brave and resourceful to adopt a pattern of behaviour that made us feel safe when our primary caregivers did the opposite. I have a lot of compassion for myself and other 5s... that being said🤣 I'll be studying what the air speed velocity of an unladen European swallow is on my deathbed #cantstopwontstop

[@FaithAnyone]

The “awkward you away” I don’t purposely do this. I just don’t know what to say, I’m done mentally. I had no idea it made people uncomfortable. There are actually a lot of things you said that I didn’t even realize it affected people the way it did. I had no idea that my disappearing for periods of a time made people think I was uninterested in having a relationship with them. This all makes the world even more overwhelming.

[@elenabethdahlke]

Advice for enneagram 5 Start to realize when all of your deep thinking is taking you out of your present life : being emotionally present and actively participation in life Because you are so high strung and wired up with information, Make an effort to calm down. Let yourself relax and don’t be so high strung. When you feel upset, hurt disappointed don’t reach for a substance. Make it healthy: walks, meditation, exercise, prayer, etc. you see many possibilities to life but often have a hard time judging which is the most important and which is the least important. Allow yourself to get advice from others. It will help you gather a more well rounded opinion. And also build a trust with others Notice when what you are getting involved in right now is distracting you from what you really ought to be doing in life. 5s tend to believe when the only thing they can depend on themselves. Relationships are worth the effort. For 5s they are worth the effort. You need friends in your life, just like everyone else. Try to be more cooperative with people and less of a loner. Just because people can’t keep up with your rapid mind, doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. Remember social norms. Be nice, do the little things in a relationship that matter. Stay friendly. Friendly people in your life are a good thing, they watch your back. You have a tendency to look down on those that are less intelligent than you. There are lot’s of different types of intelligence out there and other people may be intelligent in ways that you are not, learn to appreciate that. Use your gifts to benefit others. If others tend to avoid you or antagonize you, consider the possibility that maybe you are the problem. Maybe you are coming off too harsh. You have an enormous capacity for understanding.think of ways to develop that understanding in a compassionate ways to help others. People have their own reasons to do and be what they are. They aren’t stupid bc they do things differently than you do. Study people and learn how to be gentle with people and their feelings. Don’ t just use your head in life, use your heart in life as well.

[@JustSayin85]

Are you a 5? I only ask because your advice seems disconnected from what actually drives or motivates a 5. I can tell you mean well but somehow have missed the mark.

[@honsou2640]

@@JustSayin85 there are quotes from the video, I suppose that the ones she felt are more important

[@ashleyching3166]

Beware friendly people. Not everyone is trustworthy.

[@DreamQuillRose]

@@ashleyching3166 The nice thing is, as a 5, we have the mental capacity to notice and observe when things seem shady with another person's motives, and can ask the right kinds of questions to either confirm or relieve our suspicions, instead of being duped by someone untrustworthy. Unless we are deliberately ignoring red flags, which apparently a lot of people do.

[@CyberPunkBadGuy]

think of ways to develop that understanding in a compassionate ways to help others f that , does not sound worth it or desirable in any way. studying people and understanding them is one of the reason they are disappointing in general.

[@thaboandmusic]

This is one of the most important things I've ever watched. Thank you so much!!!

[@twlahue]

Thank you so much for the encouragement.

[@elenabethdahlke]

I got so much from this. I feel like I am a rather typical 5, and I have noticed a lot of people have been drawn away from me the more I learn and grow in myself. I dislike it and I am still not even sure what career path that I want to take. I would love to help people and I do feel empathy, but I have a hard time staying interested in school. I always see my teachers flaws or the education systems flaws, yet I am a 5 wing 6 and I want to solve all the world's problems. Its a difficult dynamic that I got going on.. lol.

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

Yeeees, same! But 5w4!

[@melinarodriguez6467]

I reeeeeally feel this

[@jochenroef5868]

Ever considered social 1?

[@Merry357]

Sooo true. I would love to have deep friendships and help people. But i have no idea how to connect whith them emocionally.

[@mgirl30]

I feel a strong need to help people, too. When I watch documentaries, particularly medical ones, where people are suffering with mysterious or rare conditions, my heart goes out to them, and I wish with all my heart I could figure out how to help them. Thing is, I have no interest in being any kind of in-person caregiver. I don't want to be anyone's doctor, or surgeon, etc. I want to research and problem-solve, as I'm tenacious and resourceful. But I'm not real great with the one-on-one/interacting with people. I want to be of help indirectly, you know?

[@CanCan-rr6hs]

I'm a five who desperately needed to hear this.

[@Dappled543]

FYI, the first 51 minutes are just a description of type 5. Then the advice starts.

[@twlahue]

That is correct. Maybe I should have titled the video more accurately. Good point!

[@julianbailot1]

This is not correct to me. Minute 21:40 Tom gives advice. I just correct you because it can mislead viewers. He mostly describes a 5, but he connects descriptions with advice.

[@britshell]

There is great advice about 5s all through, you just need to pay attention closely.

[@yurickmartis5593]

There are multiple instances of distributed advice throughout the description of type 5.

[@hannahlouisefitzpatrick6742]

@@julianbailot1 A very 5'ish response :)

[@jyll.7132]

I've gamed to audiobooks, too. It actually helps to absorb information when your hands are busy.

[@Bioniking]

5 here. At 23, I love this enneagram stuff because for the first time I feel like I'm understood. I feel like I've reached integration through my own efforts (and yes I know you can't stay there forever), but I was blindly shooting in the dark. I feel like this is why mindfulness meditation and stoic philosophy resonate with me so much. I've learned how to be social, and what I'm working on now is feeling my heart in addition to using my mind, strengthening my friendships, and realizing that there is an abundance of energy I can receive from engaging with the world and people. And next stop, romance! An important thing I read is that isolation is a coping mechanism, not a method towards health. Just today, I felt really bad, but I was trapped in a loop of mindless information (reddit, KZbin, enneagram stuff, etc.) I've reached a point in my life where I know the simple solution is to just get outside the house and engage. It took me a while, but the minute I left my apartment to skate, I felt immediately better, and dare I say, energized.

[@kristahand]

Yes! Energized. I am a 9 and have found that life is much richer and vibrant when I am engaged with it. It's enlivening. I just wrote a long reply above to S.U. who asked why engaging was better than spectating, and that perhaps that bias was culturally based. S.U.'s question was "(5) why is engaging in life better than spectating? Why is not learning a form of engagement even if it is only mental engagement?" I replied... "S.U., That is a compelling question. I'm a 9, and Russ Hudson says that 9s benefit from being engaged in life. I understand this because my defense mechanism in youth was definitely to disassociate. Being older and being more engaged with my emotions, people, and the vitality of life in general is much more fulfilling. I am more present, and living in an engage brings a richness to my life I hadn't known before. However, 5s do not disassociate like 9s do. My college boyfriend was/is a 5 and he is now fairly reclusive. I'm sure he loves the benefits of it. I also wonder if he's not rather lonely in his isolation. I think of Russ, who is a 5/w4, who is very engaged with people and life. I think he incorporates some 8 qualities that assist him in stepping onto the stage to teach, and leading groups for educational tours to Egypt. If staying away from the boldness of stepping out and relating with people is at all due to 5s feeling that their energy will be drained, then how ironic it would be when 5s comes notice that the opposite can be true... that stepping out and engaging with people and life can be actually energizing instead. So what of Tesla. As a 5, he was focused on his work. How engaged with life was he? Would he have accomplished his greatness if he'd balanced out his life with trips to the amusement park? Maybe he would have gotten ideas there, or maybe it would have simply taken away from his true calling. Pondering it all. :) Cheers to that!"

[@kylewood9078]

I'm a five and my interests include many various topics, but most importantly Neuroscience and Psychology. What the most important thing I've learned from the Enneagram is how to connect with people of different personality types and how to maneuver through life without rustling feathers unnecessarily.

[@wnkerst]

I'm a 5 and my favorite author is Stephen King and I have a huge stack of Far Side calendars that I used all through high school! And my favorite podcast is literally called "Morbid".

[@Jesus.IsTheWay]

Yes loud noises interupt thought.

[@twlahue]

Glad you found my channel.

[@inreallife21]

Absolutely great advice. I actually used to think I was more intelligent when I was younger but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that, as you said, there are multiple types of intelligences. In fact I’ve come to realize that I’m really very average in intelligence, I just happen to see things much differently from others. I wish this stuff would be taught in schools so we could all understand ourself and others better in order to appreciate all of our differences.

[@twlahue]

Great.

[@kimberlee440]

I'm a 5w4, and my greatest fear is being forgotten. Makes perfect sense now.

[@alysmes]

Lmao 5s "awkward you away" so they can get back to what they were doing. Never heard it described.

[@TraumaLlama91]

So true though

[@adirtyswarlos]

Yeah I’ve done that. The worst part is when the other person doesn’t notice and they keep talking.

[@yeshua-on-wings]

@@adirtyswarlos "You seem so unapproachable." "And yet, here you are."

[@Bioniking]

There are many challenges to being a type 5, but by far the hardest challenge to face is the urge to withdrawal, physically or emotionally

[@Therese100109]

I feel like it's a dicey proposition to make blanket statements about Fives at all because we're each one an iconoclast. My pastor, who's a Six and whose spouse is a Five, said that Fives are the most misunderstood of all the types, and it's true. Usually when I hear anyone but a Six or a Four holding forth on what "I" am like, they're way, way off, sorry to say. For instance, while it's true that my idea of luxury is being left alone to learn info on whatever's interesting me at the time -- quarantine is literally paradise to me, lol! -- I love my loved ones deeply and warmly and I show it. I'm not "stingy" with my info, it's just that people have given me that "OMG, what a NERD" look so many times when I share -- that's a painful experience, pardon me world if I don't want to repeat that an indefinite number of times! I have my limits! And I've never been neglectful of my hygiene or nutrition in my whole 55 years. I feel like there's this stereotype of Fives that they're these people who sit in their bare rooms with a cot and one hanging light bulb and the blinds drawn, reading physics textbooks for days on end without a change of clothes or a shower and eating gruel out of a tin can. It just adds another layer of alienation to hear that kind of stuff.

[@allisonhood4261]

Well said!

[@michelleembs5021]

I have been down the rabbit holes and have been in the dark. Learning the deceptions of this world. After a time I came back to realize that all that is outside is not all that important. What’s the golden nugget is taking responsibility for how we live our lives in higher awareness, loving and respecting others. Being harmless, living in integrity, honor, focusing on what’s good for the many vs service to self. I now seek to be of service vs being isolated. Like the 8 my goal now is too make a measurable difference in all that I do. I love our diversity and all my fellow brothers and sisters. I do have a low tolerance for narrow thinking or selfishness.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the comment. Deep stuff. Blessings.

[@jessicarose4923]

As a five, I can verify the information in this video. Yes. We need to know "the why". If something doesn't make sense, I can't let it go. I won't let it go. I will solve it. And if something someone believes seems .. odd, I will tear it down with my questions. Or, get my questions answered and be like, "oh that makes sense then." If I raise my finger and say, "I have questions," be ready to answer them and then answer questions about the answer you just gave me. And I don't do it to be an ass, I am legit curious as to why you would think or do such a thing. I am an 5w4 and Iconoclast is an accurate title. I was the kid in school who would inform classmates that Santa Claus wasn't real. I wasn't doing it to crush them. I just wanted to crush their illogical belief. Not until I was an adult did I realize that was a dick move on my part. Whoops. I appreciate what you were saying about fives as students, always asking hard questions and preferring self-education to being limited to just the textbook classroom type of education. I consider myself extremely self-educated on topics that interest me. Like ... I exhaust those topics. I prefer to study what I want, when I want, how I want, and I do it well. Research is what I do for fun. And yes I will stare a man down and awkward them out of the room so I can go back to my notes and books or computer. It must be my 4wing that gives me my appreciation for aesthetics and love of pretty things. But all that means is that my hermit cave ,full of spells and potions and ancient manuscripts, is decorated in eclectic elegance. But I do pay attention to my appearance and my hygiene is amazing. Ok... I may wear the same outfit multiple days in the row.... but I wash it at least once usually while I am sleeping. LOL On what you were saying about fives wanting all of the information so we can be prepared, that is spot on. I have been researching a purchase for two weeks now and I have made charts and lists and narrowed it down, but I still have not bought it because I don't feel comfortable with my thoroughness of all of the possibilities yet. And that's pretty ridiculous. To research your way out of something you really want. I spent almost a year learning about a topic to the point of almost social isolation. And although it was hard on me, I have no regrets. Because I solved it. And now I share this information and actually help people in important ways with it. "If fives want to connect with you, they are going to do it with information," is correct. I liked that. What you said about your son wanting to learn about the Marvel Universe more than he cares to read a Marvel comic, I felt that in my soul. I dig it, kid. Like, I have never played the Portal video games, I have no desire to ever play them, I don't need to, I don't want to, I don't care about that. What I care about is the story behind the game. The lore. The history of what happened before. I want character analysis videos and fan theory posts. Listening to the story I have pretty much seen the game played through anyhow, I don't need to play it. Seems stressful. Now, if I could be GLaDOS, the snarky antagonist who tries to kill the main player, THEN I might be interested in playing the game. I love her. On the 5w4s, I can verify we are comfortable with "darkness." For instance, the paranormal fascinates me to no end. I've gone on investigations. I've studied up on the subject quite a bit. I have so many questions. Like, how does a ghost choose a word to display on those word database spirit boxes? Are they familiar with the inner workings of computers? I doubt it. Do they reach their ghost fingers into it and wiggle them about to choose the words? How's that work? I've stumped ghost hunters. Not my goal. I legit want to know the science behind it. And woe to the ghost that gets cornered by me as I demand answers to weird questions. Like, "What's with your clothes? Do you get to choose an outfit or is that what you died in? What are they made of? Your spirit? That's weird. So, what's your deal anyway? Do you have goals? Do you like being a ghost? What do you do when you aren't actively haunting this place? Do you have ghost friends?...." And those are the easy questions. I enjoy studying spooky things. And Stephen King is my favorite author. I think that he writes beautiful words to describe terrible things, and I love it. I was an admin for years on a big Stephen King forum. Went on a couple trips to Maine even. Once to help out at a Dark Tower artist convention. Good times. This video was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you for making it. And thank you for the advice at the end. Just gonna call us out like that..... hahaha. Damn dude.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for your comment. Very interesting. "Do you like being a ghost..." Funny stuff!

[@mgirl30]

Jessica, dude, you talk just like me! "Dig it." I never met another chick who said that. 😄 Or "dick move". That's great! I think we can kind of talk like guys, for some reason. Don't know about you, but most of my friends have been guys. I love their conversation. 'Cos they actually talk about interesting things. Interests, books, stuff they've learned/retained.. I'm not at all big on small talk. I'm terrible at it. Which makes me kind of..on the fringe in a lot of social situations. I don't really care, either. I make the effort now and then. Mostly for the benefit of my boyfriend, a "normie"..

[@misovejasescuchanmivoz]

Ghosts were not people, and I wouldn´t call them ghosts actually, I would call them demons.

[@lunahelena5329]

I am also a 5w4 and I can relate to what you wrote! Also fascinated in metaphysics and parapsychology :) btw - dont know whether you heard of “evidential mediumship” (Suzanne Giesemann or others) but it explains a lot about ghosts :)

[@misovejasescuchanmivoz]

@@renemarie5936 And, that's your opinion, You don't understand or know that's ok, that doesn't mean we don't either. I would say I do understand.

[@genevieveremy9475]

I'm a 2 in a relationship with a 5. There has been a lot of work on both ends to understand the other's needs and not feel overwhelmed (the 5) or rejected (the 2). But I think that being opposites has let both of us work towards a healthier space

[@jessicadavid6855]

would love some advice!!!!!!!!!!

[@veronicabarron]

Me: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME OUT SO PERSONALLY ON THE INTERNET Also me: -literally never occurred to me that there was another approach to learning other than "let's talk about what we don't know" -worked as a historical interpreter for years largely structuring my material around "let me tell you about all the not-so-famous dead people you've never heard of and why their stories are more nuanced and interesting than the ones you've heard already!" -remembers the 7th grade science teacher who didn't like me because I asked too many questions, while I thought quietly to myself, "Isn't science supposed to be about asking questions?" -is processing a recent breakup with a partner who needed and wanted a lot of reinforcement of what was known, in order to feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Goodness knows I tried to turn up the dial on my verbal affirmations, but it was *def*initely not sufficient for this partner! :/ Then, when I said, trying to be inviting, "Don't worry; it's okay for you to be vulnerable around me; in fact, I like it when you find yourself at the edges of what you know! There's no need to act like you have all your shit together around me!" they looked at me and said, "*You* like it. But I don't like feeling that way at all," and I was abashed, confused, and had the hunch that this might be a bad match. in short: IT ME ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@jarrodknight4698]

Does anyone else feel that, after learning the Eneagram, you can't stop thinking of better ways to explain it to loved ones? I'm curious bc, when I first saw value in it, I tried to explain it to loved ones but they acted like it wasnt important. So I kinda gave up trying to make them see it. Then after rethinking everything with a better understanding, I know now I won't stop until I find the perfect way to explain it. In a way that people take me serious enough, that they put just a little of my kind of work in, to learn it.

[@yeshua-on-wings]

Same. Started that with MBTI several years ago, now adding enneagram as I find value in it/understand it better. I've actually helped several friends/family members through all of my study/mastery of personality types. I don't know everything, but oftentimes there's benefit even in demonstrating a new perspective -- a new way to look at things. Sometimes that's enough to help people get unstuck, or to kickstart their own interest in understanding themselves and others better.

[@BBK96]

Ive felt so alienated having had to deal with a lot of conflict lately. Seeing myself in the type if person youre describing i feel more understood and less of a freak, even valued. Thank you for that.

[@enfieldjohn101]

Very true. For as long as I can remember, I've felt like I need to escape from the outside world into my own mind, or into a hobby or study of something that interests me. I practically live inside my head at times to where the reality around me seems less familiar. Sometimes, that comes in handy because I then see things from a fresh perspective. Sort of like a visitor who smells the dirty socks under the bed that the person who lives there has become 'nose blind' to or used to, for example. I sometimes have this objective perspective even about my own place or something happening in my own life. I did drive teachers crazy in school. I wasn't satisfied with learning just what was in the textbook. Sometimes, I'd learn on my own in the library or from books I'd find elsewhere about the class subject and discover that the textbook was missing some of what I'd learned. I have to confess that I do suffer from avarice sometimes. I do have 'my' space (both physically and mentally) that I don't want intruded upon. My greed isn't for money, but for knowledge. Seems like I can never get enough of that. I love your analogy of the hermit here. I could easily become a hermit in real life too. My parents even encouraged me to join a fraternity when I was going to college because they were worried that I'd just go from dorm to class to library without experiencing the social side. My roommates and brothers in the fraternity did, indeed, sometimes have to practically drag me to the events that were going on in and around the fraternity house. :) I know what you mean about being present physically without being present mentally. Happens to me all the time. If it wasn't for my somewhat phobia of germs, I wouldn't bother with hygiene I bet. I certainly don't care about fashion, fads or trends. I'm usually the last guy to decide that something is worth having or doing, sometimes long after it stops being in style. It is possible for me to become invisible in social situations. I'll just stand or sit there observing, listening, not making an impression on anyone. I can be at church, for example, listen to the music (which I often really enjoy even if I don't show it) and the sermon (which I often study when I get home, reading the Bible passages mentioned as well as the other ones that are in context with it, the context of history and culture going on when the writers were inspired to write the passage, etc.) but I'll rarely talk to anyone while I'm there beyond the usual response to people asking 'how's it going?'. Sometimes, my wife will drag me into a conversation with someone at church before or after the service. Otherwise, I don't interact much. She'll help with the nursery or kids' programs after the service. I will then find some way to help that isn't social like putting away chairs, weeding the flower beds outside, cleaning the dust out of the office computers, etc. I have been called an 'absent minded professor' often. I'm more into what's going on in my own mind or in whatever I'm studying than I am into what's going on with relationships, events, etc. My wife says she feels like my secretary or personal assistant who keeps me in touch with stuff outside of what I'm focused on. Speaking of 'dumping information'. I don't want to over do it, so I'll end my comments here. :) Great video. I sure appreciate it. You give great insight and advice here.

[@rocklee619]

Amazing... at first I said to myself "This is just a coincidence that I relate to this", but once you mentioned the part about being inquisitive I was 100% convinced. Thanks for uploading this video!

[@rosettaling3347]

Advice for Enneagram Type 5s: 1. Realize when your deep thinking is taking you out of your present context, and choose to be truly present. 2. Try to calm down and relax. 3. Allow yourself to get advice from others. 4. Notice when your research and thinking is distracting you from what you should be doing. 5. Realize that you need a few deep relationships and put effort into making those work. 6. Be less of a loner. 7. Realize that sometimes you can make people feel uncomfortable, so actively try to use social norms and being friendly. 8. Don’t look down on people you think are less intelligent than you, learn to appreciate other types of intelligence. 9. If people start to act antagonistically to you, consider that you might be the problem. 10. Think of ways to be more understanding of others, use those insights to be more compassionate to others.

[@dholmes9815]

I honestly didn’t find this helpful.

[@alialiraqi2664]

​@@dholmes9815 yeah 😅especially if type 5 have low empathy quotient

[@steph560]

Love this! I'm realizing INSIGHT into myself is so important so I can interact with the world more effectively.

[@saloni.sharma]

I needed this. I've seen like dozens of videos amd articles on helping 5s and understanding them better and none were as open-ended, elaborate and non stereotypical as yours. Thank you so much.

[@sunhyeongshin2645]

I normally skip leaving comments, because I have to stay behind the scene observing. But this video gave me very valuable information to visualize the type 5 in a simply integrated model such as a dump truck. I appreciate a lot. Quora is fun bc there are simillar people who dig information for fun. Information about human relationships as well. Haha. I do try to learn how to understand human emotion by searching on the internet. Dr. Jordan Peterson's lecture series on KZbin have been very useful source for me to understand people in a more compassionate way. Learning about different intellegence per se. Learing them, I got to be less belittling others.. See? Me being vulnerable in this comment knowing to make mistakes in this, yet wanting to share my experience. Haha.

[@ashleyching3166]

One time I had 72 hours to find a loophole in law to protect myself in trial. That's a 5 integrating to 8!

[@gustavramirez2891]

5 and INTJ here - this was very helpful, thank you!

[@ThisOldFashionedLife]

As a Historical Interpreter 5, I do teach people history like that, lol! I like to surprise people and challenge their ideas of what the past was like. I like to paint a larger picture for visitors and answer the 'so what?' of history. Very interesting and insightful video, thanks!

[@Parmesana]

boy oh boy...is that ME. I chuckled a few times..I always tell my sons that when the grid goes down..I'm the only one that'll know how to cook..I'll be cooking on a rock. :D

[@hawksliravenwood460]

Believe in Christ was the most important decision I ever made as a type 5, I can understand His Love and Emotions because He Shows them plainly. He is "simple" to understand for someone like me who has a hard time reading peoples intentions, but that is where Him being "simple" stops. He helps me learn to grow, and He allows me to learn more about Him in a way that I know how. He drew me in with His Love, with His understanding. I may never learn how to fully connect with others, but at least I have a Lord who I can connect with. And when all is said and done, that's all that matters. I hope you all have a blessed day my friends, and just remember that Lord Jesus is the most loving and fascinating person you will ever know.

[@CHK12319]

I love that

As a five, I can't remember if I've asked strongly for anything in my whole life, even when I was a child (now I'm 32, and I've learned to do this because is the best thing to do for my own wellnes, but still feels kinda unnatural tho) and obviously I had desires for some toy or some gadget... I just knew that wasn't so important. My family was a kind of "hippie" family. Signs of affection had a really high value for them, and for me they just became an obligation. My needs were "satisfied" enough, and that seemed ok for them, and a normal standard for me. I had a lot of tasks since I was 7 years old, like washing dishes or clean my house. For my parents (divorced, so my mom and stepfather let's say) that was a must, because "we are working, so this is the less you can do for our family". Studies were secondary and if I just passed, that would be fine /I didn't study because I had no enough energy for doing that or I didn't feel I like it, but I always passed anyway, I just read thing 30 min before the exams and that's all. Receiving a present was something to be thankful for, no matter if it wasn't what you wanted (probably what you wanted makes no sense because it's almost the same that you received, or probably you only wanted because your friends has it or it was shown in a tv, so don't be like that! / Can you see my 4 wing there?). And refering MBTI, I'm the INTP type. There are many anecdotes I could tell, like that time when we traveled across many many cities in my country so my parents could sell their crafts in the street and I had to sleep close to their stand, they used 2 chairs to make an improvised and absurdly uncomfortable "bed" for me, and if noise in street would get very loudly I would being told to go to the car in the middle of the night to sleep alone and close the doors with the key so strangers couldn't get me (ofc, they could have to, but remember the hippie family... kisses were more important than safety) Or that time when (I was already 18 yo then) they were on vacaction to Argentina for one month and there were barely food in my house, so I asked what they were going to do, and their response was "weren't you looking for a job? well, get one and buy some more food". I lost like 5kg of my weight by the end of that month. Ofc they came very happy and I would welcome them with a smile in my face. My parents were sellers, and I had to work in the street with them for several years until I would become independent (I dreamt about living alone since I had 15 yo) and I know exactly how to behave in society. If you ever meet me you will find a very formal, nice, kind, and pleasing person. I work in a shop selling stupid things to stupid people who thinks those items are the most important things in their lives so you have to answer all their stupids questions that they could have google before come in to the fcking shop. Of course they will tell you I'm adorable. My mask is perfect and terrible. Then I arrive to my house tired and exhausted. I just want to be alone. I don't find any reward or pleasure in relations with others. The only exception is my boyfriend (we are together for 15 years now), and I can feel one with him, like we both can be completely transparent. He is also a clinic psychologist and he is about to become a fireman too, I love him so much, and I can learn from him and viceversa, and live the life we want. He understand my personality, supports me and encourage me to bring my creative ideas to the world. I'm illustrator, among other things. He is an 8w7, I'm a 5w4. Probably now you understand a little bit: we both have our own fortress. And we are fcking happy. PS1: And I'm not making my childhood an excuse for my "problems" neither blaming my parents. They would probably think, even today, they made their best. I just think that's not objective truth, sorry. And it's a fact that I can't avoid the roots of my own nature as a consequence of that. PS2: And sorry for my non-native English.

[@Tuebor]

“…drawn to the edges of information..” Completely accurate assessment.

[@Senu461]

I'm so awkward because I've never participated in small talk long enough to know what comes next. So after the "How are you? Yes yes, I'm good too" I am done, but the person is still there and now I don't want to leave because that's rude so we both just stand there looking at each other. This happened to me last night.

[@chrisw9122]

Minimal yes. Currently obsessed with falafel. Probably will turn into one. My likes are basic but very specific and I am ok with that. I know what to expect...allowing all my energy to be used to learn. Efficiency for the win ✨

[@twlahue]

Right. Thanks for the insight.

[@adelacristina5665]

Fist big investment I made after starting to work was noice cancellation headphones 👌 can't hear a thing

[@heatherdera]

As you can probably tell, I've been binging your type 5 content lately. And your videos are fairly long, and I will be finished with them today. I can absolutely say that I tend to binge watch and listen to things often. In fact, it took me about one month to listen to the entire NoSleep podcast backlog of episodes back in mid-Dec through mid-Jan.

[@lisabellacelima4823]

I'm a 5w6 and I fully agree that type 5's are emotionally unattached as I struggle myself to let (even the closest people) them in, even when my other friends are upset or crying about something I tend to steer away from them or get myself out of the situation to let others handle it and I know that sounds very selfish and careless but that's the way I am I don't know how to comfort someone because I have never shown someone that side of me enough for them to comfort me. Even with my very close friends I love and value deep connections, however, I struggle to open up about the emotional side of things and to be honest I don't know why it could possibly be because I don't know how to express them. ( I hope this makes sense it sounded a lot better in my head). Any other 5's feel this way?? ahaha

[@twlahue]

This is normal for a 5.

[@mikaylamcdonald2226]

im 5w6 and this is me exactly lol

[@lisabellacelima4823]

@@mikaylamcdonald2226 I'm glad to know I don't feel so alone then ahahah

[@femaletrouble]

This is pretty much me. I feel bad about people looking to me for comfort because I just feel like I don't know what to do for them. And even if I know and understand that it would help me to accept comfort from others, I can't bring myself to do it because I don't want to be an emotional burden to them.

[@houki8636]

I'm a 5w4 and I do that all the time. When someone breaks down I notice everyone else walks towards that person. However, I will be heading the opposite direction or try to get someone that I know that can deal with emotions. I just become very stiff around emotional people. I have been working on this and have succeeded in sitting through my best friend crying through dinner. Painful to sit through though. I always warn my friend that if you need to cry, please give me a heads up so I can walk out. I will return once you calm down but I really don't want to be there through the emotional rollercoaster.

[@waxhero8878]

It is so accurate. What I loved most was "I don't care about what you know, I wanna tell you what I know!" 😄😄😄 yes, it's true.

[@melinarodriguez6467]

When he said that 5s tend to think or others as idiots I laughed because it's true and I immediately thought of a meme of scar (the bad one of the lion king) that's say "I'm surrounded by idiots"

[@jasonjase8661]

I am a five. I feel you got a lot of the mannerisms of a 5 enneatype but the meanings behind those behaviours is grossly inaccurate.

[@mattdonlan7745]

I love hearing non 5's describe 5s. It's really helpful to hear how someone else describes my behavior. Everything here is spot on.

[@OMGitsProvidence]

All the best replies to this video are being withheld inside of the heads of these wonderful 5's and I seriously resent that!!! (from a 7)

[@PhillipChristiansen]

Ha!! Most underrated comment here. As a 5, I've written about 10 comments(in my mind) but this is the only one I actually wrote.

[@ainelael]

Your point four on things 5 should know literally called me out. I’m a junior in college who is watching KZbin for the past 3 days instead of doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

[@lorigonzalez4518]

You completely nailed it never have I Ever heard my own self explained so accurately I couldn’t even explain my own self as well

[@madelines.1728]

I haven’t watch the whole video, but I do want to comment that on my healing journey and I’ve been understanding how my five has influenced my behavior. I believe it’s rooted in fear of intimacy, because a lot of our “habits” are really just avoidance and coping tendencies because we’re numbing from actually opening our hearts to experience real intimacy. I’ve noticed a lot of “lack” of certain personality or enjoyment or anything, when a 5 is portrayed. And I think it could be why 5’s feel misunderstood. I lacked fundamental intimacy with myself and once I did the more out of my head and being myself I became. (aka overthinking or living in our minds). Not saying there’s anything wrong with it, but I felt irritated because I know I’m so much more than thoughts and wanting to “be alone”. Even in growth I feel like there’s so much depth to explored for a five. Feeling my emotions and accepting where I am has been really healing. And a relationship with God, who has helped me realize I could never “run out” or feel scarce or orphaned because He will always be my source and loved. Hope this makes sense and ya just some insight for my own journey!!

[@sonnystephens3753]

Funny. I’m a 5. My husband is always like “your shirt is inside out” and I’m like “oh ok so…🤷🏻‍♀️” If it’s pjs I 100% don’t care. If it’s regular clothes I only 50% care. 😆 When we fight my husband says “you’re gonna die alone! is that what you want?” And I’m like “ok. At least it’ll be quiet in there. 😬”

[@tinishamccroskey7752]

This is amazing I was literally crying listening to this. My top two are 6 and 9 tied but for some reason that 5 my third down has made an intense impact on my life. Hope I can take some of this advice and learn to live more present and balanced.

[@LewisPsychology]

This is fascinating. I just found out I’m a 5. This is very accurate. Thanks for sharing your insights.

[@filmfaithandlevity]

I totally used to wear the same clothes for 2-3 days in a row. Then I realized I wanted to actually get a girlfriend eventually and decided to quit doing that.

[@maggiesalisbury6366]

Fantastic video! Thank you! You just described my husband! Your videos are great and different from other Enneagram videos.

[@twlahue]

Thanks, Blessings.

[@ginalienn1112]

Wow that 5 and 8 example is exactly me and my sister at social events. I’m always just following along as she socializes.

[@sibealocuinn8964]

It seems that your understanding of 5's is based on the unhealthy habits when a 5 veers on dysfunctional. For example, I myselft am a 5, I do not keep information that I learn to myself. In fact, I love sharing information with those who share in my interests or are simply curious about a subject I enjoy. I get a kick out of teaching others something they didn't already know. Just my unsolicited opinion here but, I think it is important to remeber that, as with any other "personality" typing, it is a way of describing the structure of an idividuals cognitive process. These do not wholely describe a person's personality or desires.

[@cynditurner3522]

I relate to being a Hermit, not needing much like a cactus & the more knowledge you accumulate the more you feel you don't fit into the mundane world. Thank you for your time and sharing your knowledge with us. Priceless information!

[@kelseygreene8807]

My husband is a 5 and I am an 8 and all of your enneagram videos are saving our marriage and our other family relationships. My husband is the 5 who studied people and communication deeply after high school because a homeschool teacher he had let him know only speaking about his interests or withdrawaling from other people as a recluse was selfish and he is a Christian and was conficted so set out to study it. He is now a social 5 who in his last job was seen as the unhealthy 5 and after changing companies to a place he is appreciated and is a leader is really stepping into his 8. We have had many of these conversations without knowing it and now putting a full picture to our struggles is so helpful!

[@drummerEight]

I’m a 5 and my wife is an 8, too! Maybe my wife and I should watch these videos together like you did.

[@kelseygreene8807]

@@drummerEight Watching them provided us both with a language to use, has given us understanding and has allowed us to grow closer as we study each other 😊

[@SuperUghhhhh]

I am a 5w4. I'm only 14 minutes in approx and this guy is pretty insightful to the way a 5 is. From the studies of the enneagram my heart and mind are constantly flirting with each other. Yearning for more of what others don't know so I can provide for them. I def am not interested in popular studies as I would like to be a pioneer in something nobody has discovered. But that incompetent feeling is what anchors my depression to my being. If I feel useless, I become stagnant and won't move. I feel I begin to fester, still questioning everything, but becoming way more inward and harsh. The twist of it all, I enjoy the darker and sadder things of life.

[@yemanetesfamariam5630]

Thank you Dr. Tom LaHue , I thank you and I will use it.

[@EC-it2fx]

Wtf I been putting the title of this on the search bar and not finding anything and its been online for 2 years. Im glad I finally found it

[@erinbond9218]

Haha I do this! I listen to books while do a puzzle on my iPad or playing this puzzle game😂 For hours!!!

[@ltyson6744]

"They may not be present to life." But where we are IS LIFE!! The karate lesson or choir concert will quickly be over and done and no one will remember it anyway.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the perspective.

[@ering7664]

Wow I'm a 5 and that was amazing to listen to - thank you :)

[@yurickmartis5593]

I score about evenly between 4 and 5 on most tests and 9 is the closest third type. I'm under the assumption that I am a 5w4 however.

[@happylifestore]

Thanks. As a 5W4 I must say it was helpful. Today, when I made my usual walk in the city on the usual route, instead of being in my head and looking straight ahead, this time I watched other people. Now the next obstacle: How to engage...;) But ok, one thing at a time.

[@twhitten828]

'Goodwill Hunting' 5 movie

[@wendyshiflett7128]

I've quoted the Bible before about 5's "remote" way of living, where all were commanded to "Be in the world but not of it." I think 5's naturally do this better, where this is hard for other types to do. So since others struggle with it then others interpret our ease with it as negative, calling us "detached." As far as being "stingy" with information, we were also commanded "Do not cast your pearls before swine." Again, because others struggle with this, 5's are criticized for doing it. I admit there are those who take these qualities to the negative, as I have myself done at times. But these aspects in themselves are not negative at all. As I have grown closer to God I have found these two qualities strengthened in positive ways, especially as I have learned to trust God for understanding as opposed to trust an interpretation of my "ways" from other well-meaning people. I'm far from perfect, but I think being "defined" by others who see through the "lens" of their enneagram definitely opens the door to misinterpretation and judgments, much like I experienced from unenlightened family and friends while growing up. I don't retreat from fear or avarice, but I do grow weary from others drama and demands that I behave like them. So I take time to renew my energy alone in God's presence, the only one I should rely on to tell me who I am. This allows me to step back into the world, bringing gifts I wouldn't have had to share had I stayed in the world as others thought I should, based on who they are. While there's good information in these videos I find it slanted from the "7" lens. So it must be taken with a grain of salt.

[@theagency13]

I'm amazed at how accurate this is concerning my personality type. It's scary. I'm definitely an information hog.

[@coreydeane794]

S tier information... Thank you! May I just give one simple, but not easy, practical application as far as the help part goes. Whenever you're around people, keep at the forefront of your mind, "what is this person feeling, why are they feeling it, how might I improve their emotional state, and what effect will my words have on their emotional state?" Practice making that your mindset when you're around others, and it will solve so many of your problems in life. This application is exceedingly difficult when the person you are with is treating you poorly, but still do it... Stick with it, and don't expect anything in return.

[@alyderuby2480]

wow ur advises are new perspectives to me, thanks for sharing this.

[@twlahue]

Glad to help.

[@Baruzuland]

I’m a 5w4. You always nail it! I’m even a demonologist & have reinterpreted Revelations. And have very minimal possessions & live camp style. My iconoclastic KZbin chan is The Esoteric Informant.

[@Profacy15]

I'm a 5 and I'm literally a prepper... Listening to these videos you have on 5's is so odd to me because I didn't realize you could narrow me (and presumably most/all other people) to just a few buckets and be so accurate. You talk about me like you know me at a level I almost don't even know, or at least formally recognize, myself. You are so right with a lot of your comments about 5's, I think. Sadly (and I say sadly, because if I'm being honest, I feel compelled to), I often find myself daydreaming or thinking of other things when my child is playing with me or while my wife is talking to me. It's hard for me to stay in the moment and not think about my random interests nobody besides myself really cares about. I'm constantly researching, getting to the point of knowing almost all that I can, then moving on to the next thing.

[@twlahue]

True

[@boobler2626]

That actually happened to me!!!! I was a remote start installer, job dried up when my daughter was 1. Working 9-9 didnt cut it. I worked in a carpet warehouse and worked up to sales.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the comment.

[@MX-CO]

I'm a 5, I have a very busy mind. I'm entrepreneurial and business minded. But I'm also an introvert, I have a total investigation mind but I can be quiet unless talking to someone about things Im passionate about. I'm recently divorced after 10 years and The thought of dating in this day and age is daunting. Perfect description about big brain and low battery.

[@mgirl30]

I've only made it fifteen minutes into the video, and I absolutely have to stop and go to sleep/catch the rest later. But I just had to say, the book you're holding in the the screenshot/title page of the video..haha, I have it! Smithsonian Earth! I'm dying to know how it fits into your talk!

[@rapisode1]

Very good example of how 5s teach a history class. I can learn a lot from a 7. I think it's the same way I teach myself, I want to know what's 'behind' the whole thing, so I assume that others also find my golden nuggets interesting. I do have a drive to teach, but I can be too theoretical, methodical and formal, which I'm well aware of. I'm often NOT aware of the knowledge gap between myself and others and where to start to get my point across.

[@cosmogang]

As a 5. This is one of the best descriptions. Btw I have always been "the wizard" to my friends because all the things you so accurately described

[@rapisode1]

Haha nice they call me Aristotle now I understand why haha

[@jacobcluff6382]

I dont try and "awkward people away"; I try and engage socially with non-verbal queues to indirectly inform them that their presence is no longer required.

[@deadsoon]

My own personal hypothesis regarding avarice is that in my case, my parents were extremely self-involved, neglectful and abusive. To such an extent neither formed actual emotional bonds with neither me or my brother. We even had attachment disorder as children if that tells you anything. In my case my avarice comes from the fear of never knowing what was happening. My earliest memories are horrifying- all I remember is feeling lost with no person to comfort me, being hurt by those that I loved the most, feeling alien to any other being. My entire childhood was plagued by confusion and hurt. I truly was running through the dark with no protection or light to guide me. Instead of being completely engulfed by a parent as most theories suggest, I was engulfed by their abandonment. Needless to say I'm more of a 5w6 than 5w4. I always wanted to know _why_ . Why doesn't mommy love me and why does she yell at me and ignore me. Why does daddy hit me and leave for so long all the time. The lack of knowledge and control is what scares me the most to this day. If I know I can master and if I can master I can control. Like a starved child engourging in food once they get a chance to.

[@jmoneymaker96]

I’m a type 5 who feels like I chose the wrong major and profession. I have interest in many things and fields, but I can’t seem to hone in on one thing (master of none). Do any other 5s have this problem?

[@peterkrivda1808]

I am exactly in the same situation :D

[@autumnp5409]

I am the same.

[@mgirl30]

What is your major/profession? Super-curious, as I'm struggling with the same thing right now.

[@jmoneymaker96]

@@mgirl30 Geology, but I always thought about Environmental Science, Architecture, and Meteorology as wel.

[@mgirl30]

@@jmoneymaker96 Oh, thanks for replying/answering. That's really interesting. I asked because I've been researching about my own educational/professional goals. And in fact, I've just finally settled on an Environmental Science program. Hey, if anything, why not shift gears and do the same? I'm mid-age, and I'm starting anew. Is that what you're considering, but still having a hard time honing it down? I made my choice based on employability/what's best in the labor market, etc. Environmental Science seems to cover a broad range of specialties, though, too. I'm thinking that my hope is to work in solving problems with brownfields. You know, places that have been affected by industrial contamination. That seems to be something close to my heart/I think I could make a difference. Anyhoo..I sincerely hope you find a path you can feel is a good one for you, too. I know, as 5s, we like/are interested in so many things, it's so very hard to narrow it down! I'm middle-aged, so yeah, I'm a prime example of that. :)

[@PaperSquirrelsCardDesigns]

44:20 yes to the Far Side haha! Recently my new favorite comic is Strange Planet by Nathan W. Pyle. Brain food for for any Type 5 or neurodivergent reader!

[@knowthyself.lovethyself.3831]

Your Merlin reference had me cracking up. My dream, loving alternative and herbal medicine, is to be the “witch” living in a small cottage in the woods on the outskirts of town. People are fearful enough to stay away, but also know they can always come to me for help if they need it. I feel seen haha.

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

The reason they don’t share information, isn’t because they are greedy, it’s because they are skeptical of themselves and must challenge their ideas and play with their ideas before expressing it to others, less they realize at a later time that they were wrong.

[@johnnail532]

I can relate to so much of this! Thank you for making it- I’m an intp but I like the simplicity of this enneagram system better I think- suspect I’m a 5 wing 4

[@j.robbwilson8216]

Well, you are the most talented personality communicator I know. This atheist thanks you.

[@adelacristina5665]

When he said shirt backwards 💀 👀*I though I was making a fashion statement

[@mouditaandrea9475]

are talking about me?haha jesus. i love being invisible. may i ask my fellow 5s what you do for living? i always felt i will have to create my own niche and be doing something i don’t know yet. it’s like an eternal seeking for that perfect fit. i feel very safe in healing arts. until i know it all then i get bored again :)

[@Kinokisings]

I’m a four, and all of this would tell me that my five wing is JACKED

[@hecatesnightfall9121]

I always had a hard time with teachers for that reason.

[@twlahue]

True! I get it.

[@shaktiveda7041]

You basically got it so far...I perceive history more as a plot of manipulation and instrumentalization in progress, though that's just my point of view it since I cannot dispute every single detail of it. However, you are "spot on" on the alternative medicine choice. That's my forte!