Enneagram Types as Children (Types 6-9)

[@NinjaPebble]

I'm a 9w8 istp and you described my childhood spot on for the most part. Confident little kid, the older I got the less fuss I wanted to case my parents, also I was the 3rd parent to my younger brother and sister and protected them from harm.

[@RandolphTheWhite1]

That was rough. Type 9

[@helena6459]

✋❤

[@YouveGotaType]

It's certainly not easy to discuss, but hopefully can be a necessary part of the healing process.

[@helena6459]

@@YouveGotaType deep understanding and positive tower moments

[@dANIEL-31-03]

Oh my god, the 9 childhood was so accurate, I cannot even believe this! I shared these two videos with a friend of mine (he's a 4) and he absolutely agreed. One of the best enneagram contents I have ever found, congratulations!

[@YouveGotaType]

This is an amazing compliment! I'm very happy to hear it resonated with you both. Thanks so much for watching & sharing!

[@BigManTate7364]

This was great! Thank you! The 9 childhood was exactly what I experienced 😮

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks Tate! Appreciate you watching and am very glad it resonated with you.

[@marissachapman4078]

I am a 9. I had an older sister pass away when I was two and dissociated through most of my childhood. I then spent 15 years in a relationship with a 4, not realizing how much I abandoned myself until the final year. This video made me realize that the resentment I hold against my family for the preferential treatment my younger sister, a 3, is a projection of a lost aspect of myself. Learning about the Enneagram has been eye opening yet painful. Thank you for this video.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks so much for sharing, and so grateful to hear this content has been helpful 🙏

[@MsEligrace]

I'm constantly torn between 6 and 9, I just can't figure myself out. But your description of a 6 childhood is basically like you read my diary, spot on and very interesting. Maybe I am a 6, going to explore that further, thanks :)

[@YouveGotaType]

6s and 9s are by far the most difficult enneagram personalities to identify correctly - so it makes sense that this would be a struggle! I'm so glad this video could be a helpful resource along your journey of self-awareness. Thank you for watching and sharing your personal experience!

[@mariamarthafloresmimbrera6497]

This series of videos had helped me better than therapy, this like really undestanding myself better. The childhood of the 6 resonates with me and I was unsure about my wing, now I'm more convinced I'm a 5w6. I was right to sense that my anxiety disorder came from my earliest childhood. I remember much from my childhood because of the imbalance of my family and the specific drastic change in my life. And I felt controled and overwhelmed by expectations from both parents and when I turned to my father I felt rejected and lose respect for him.

[@YouveGotaType]

I'm glad this was a meaningful watch! I definitely believe the enneagram can help expedite so many processes & conversations that are worth bringing to a trained therapist (speaking from personal experience).

[@Belle.v2]

You made me cry. That was so short but you still managed to make me cry. Thank you I felt really seen. I didn't know how much I needed that.

[@Belle.v2]

(Type 9 over here,) All my life- all I wanted was to disappear, but that’s not really what I wanted. Really opened a wound xx

[@ShadaeBalancesKnightAstro]

Awwww you’re gonna make me tear up 🥹 the ending truly touched my heart. I am a personality type 9 and I didn’t acknowledge that my childhood was neglectful until I was in rehab and my counselor told me boldly that my mom wasn’t a good person for exposing me to drugs. I was shocked and then angry but of course I didn’t express that anger, I just got silent. Wow I have tons of inner work to do. Thanks tremendously for helping us. I just discovered your channel today and I’m glued. ❤❤

[@YouveGotaType]

So glad it was helpful! Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience as it aligns with these general enneagram patterns.

[@Askalott]

Wow. You nailed the 6 childhood. I'm super impressed.

[@YouveGotaType]

Love to hear that :)

[@honeymoney23]

Holy crap!!!!! This is enlightening!!!!! My dad is absolutely an 8. I think I'm more of a 7 but I've been living in my 6 wing for soo long. My mom DID tell me that she struggled to breastfeed 🤯 and she was always working from home so I was left to play by myself or with my sister

[@YouveGotaType]

Crazy how these patterns are so well defined in the enneagram system! Thanks for watching and sharing your personal connection to these descriptions :) Always great to get real feedback on how accurate they are.

[@titania1221]

This is great content. I'm a 9. I didn't experience any of those. I guess my childhood wound was the smart-shaming since I was considered an advanced student & I'm usually the youngest in class. It's true that I learned early that showing my anger to my school bullies definitely won't help me and teachers can't really help until they see wounds, bruises, or hear the negative words themselves. They really can't do much if those popular kids decide to outcast me in group activities. My loving parents also can't do much about it so I coped on my own by deciding to stop raising my hand and only give the answer if the teacher calls my name, making sure I won't be on a spotlight, and just focus on written tests instead of being active in class just to keep my peace so they'll stop targeting me. It worked, so I continued doing that. Besides, my parents would still be proud of me regardless of my rank. I also tell my teachers that I'm all good thus becoming a low-maintenance student. Glad my parents transferred me to another grade school. Though hearing smart-shaming words whenever I answered correctly still triggers me there, but there were no longer bullies. I guess the betrayal & lies of a childhood best friend also sealed my fate as a 9 who would no longer seek great demands from any friendship. I even stopped having a best friend since then, tho many close friends, I kept it all chill and tried to be as easygoing as I can be. I became a low-maintenance friend. I can only become bubbly and talkative at home with my parents.

[@YouveGotaType]

Hey there! I just reponded to your comment on another video and based on what you shared there, I'd seriously consider looking into being a 6 rather than a 9. This mistype happens all the time, and you've used some pretty key words like "shame" "anger" "bullies" and most importantly "betrayal." That all coupled with the fact that you saw your parents as not being able to do much for you sounds a lot like the ways 6s develop an ego message that says it's hard to trust authority, you must find strong, supportive figures in your life or else you'll be a n "outcast" (another key 6 word). 6s are highly driven to be Compliant Types (see Hornevian Triad video) which often looks like them being a peaceful 9, but the driving purpose to their compliancy is far different than the 9s ability to disappear and be numb. 6s go to 9 in stress as well, and you've only described the negative aspects of 9ness. Also your last sentence sounds extremely like 6s that really only open up when they feel totally safe. 9s, especially with a social instinct or 8 wing, will be themselves around strangers because they don't have trust issues like 6s and accept people more readily. Just my opinion based on the word choice and experiences you've shared, which isn't that much to go on, but enough for me to say it's worth really diving into!

[@emilybaker6193]

I'm a 9. My parents had a divorce when I was young and I remember my Dad barging into my sisters and I's room shouting "which Parent do you want to live with?" He was very heated and it felt like an all or nothing decision. The message I received was I was going to have to choose and if I didn't choose my Dad I would lose his love. I know that he didn't realize how damaging that was for me. He was hurting over the divorce. But he dumped all his pain onto to us kids and I realize looking back how much anger I have towards him. I wish I would have been told no matter who you live with I will always love you and be there for you. I never felt like I could tell my Dad how I really felt without him pulling away from me. It was one massive guilt trip and I would feel abandoned. So like a good little ennegram 9 I abandoned myself instead. I forgive my Dad. I know he really did love me. He was just going through his own deal. Like all of us.

[@YouveGotaType]

Whew that's a real tough experience. Thank you for sharing 🙏

[@LadyCay129]

I’m a 9 and you’re so right about the dissociation, I can’t even remember what my core wound was but I know it affected me. I grew up constantly belittling myself and putting other first because I didn’t wanna make a scene

[@icanrelate]

Omg. 8 - spot on. Are u trying to make me cry? 😮‍💨

[@YouveGotaType]

Well tears are a good thing in my book, so maybe? ;) I’m glad it resonated and I hope it’s helpful for the healing journey we’re all on together!

[@sln6886]

Im a 7! Yes, most definitely my childhood experience.

[@alexanderbialonowicz5770]

Glad I watched this ! Very accurate .. I totally see my youth as a challenge I overcame rather then a wound .. it is what it is, and I did the best out of it is how I see it.. even if it’s not healthy I teach my son to be strong, and kind . Have to keep in mind that everything is not about life and death . Having fun is important too they say.. Doesn’t hurt to be strong , but it’s also important to show what real kindness is.. you’re weak if you play hard and can’t be kind

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the solid message 🙌

[@er6730]

This makes a lot of sense for me and my sister. When she was about 3 months old, she got very sick. Doctors had no idea what was wrong for several months, and during that time there were constant tests and hospitalizations and my mom still gets frantically angry about how "they were enjoying it! They thought of her as a puzzle!" So, yes, from the baby's perspective, she was not protected from harm and she is a 6 now. And what with all that commotion and stress in the family, my 3yo self was usually with my grandmother, or hiding outside with my cats to get away from the incessant crying. And I turned into a 7. (Like your foster care example, I didn't resent my sister, I was thrilled with her, first as a kind of pet and then as a playmate, and we've been best friends all our lives.) I do worry about what kind of mother I'm coming across as to each of my children. Maybe I'm too overwhelming for one, and not sympathetic enough for another. Kids are definitely not blank slates at birth, and it's tough to be what they need when they all need something different.

[@YouveGotaType]

Appreciate ya sharing, and I’d say that simply being aware of the 7s tendencies will help you avoid some of the common pitfalls of your ego :)

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

8 Grow up fast bc of rough environment. Dad left them. Prioritize survival issues. Abandoned, betrayed, rejection as a child See trauma with bravado. No value for gentleness, only to rise to power. Rekindle innocence of youth.

[@mommacat75]

Both my sister and I have type 8 oldest children and they were both raised in a military lifestyle. We moved frequently and my sister and I had to inconsistently shift between being “Mom” to playing both father and mother roles when our husbands left on overseas deployments, TDY’s, or were simply too busy with their military job to be there. I remember my son at a very young age being very “8” and trying to protect ME when his dad wasn’t around even though he was too small and I was still protecting him. This behavior isn’t unusual, particularly for male children of military families. My son is 25 now and does indeed seem to hold this trait as a badge of honor instead of a wound. I believe the children of military families could be an unseen pattern of the childhood of 8’s.

[@YouveGotaType]

The military influence does come up a lot as a pattern for both the childhood experiences of 6s and 8s, so thanks for sharing how that theory/pattern plays out! Out of curiosity, what type are you and your sister?

[@mommacat75]

@@YouveGotaType I could see the 6 as well since my sister is a 6 wing 5 and our dad is a also a military vet. However, I’m a 4 wing 5 and so is my second child. My military husband and my military vet Dad are both type 1 wing 2.

[@YouveGotaType]

@@mommacat75 very interesting!

[@felipecagorago]

I experienced a lot of the process that you've explained in different parts of my childhood, so I'm kinda fckd up but great content

[@clarisa6511]

👁👄👁 I'm type 9 and that was very accurate 😂

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad it resonated with you Clarisa!

[@daniellthornton4218]

It’s interesting having 4 siblings and all of us are different types. 2 brother, 3 sister, 7 sister, 8 brother and me a 6. It’s interesting how we all perceived our parents differently.

[@justbeluv6961]

Really spot on!

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks!

[@Alex-wo1bs]

9w1 here. did you spy on my childhood? WTH its so real😭

[@YouveGotaType]

Lol the Enneagram definitely makes it feel that way! Glad it felt accurate ;)

[@MrFireman164]

Been studying the enneagram intensely for 3 years now, 9 infp with balanced wings, found the enneagram to be the most enlightening and accurate source of personality I have ever seen, so much so it has caused me to think about being in a preprogrammed world or matrix if you will, taking the red pill pulls you out of your pre programmed personality and allows you a view from above it all, understand all personalities and being able to have compassion for everyone because… we can’t help the way we are ( father forgive them for they know not what they do) which brings me back to predestination or programming and how god could send someone to hell for all of eternity knowing that they were programmed to be the way they are, I know that took a left turn but what are your thoughts on that subject? Is salvation escaping the matrix? See the truth of who we are or our Personna is and why? How do we learn who and what our essence is ? Meditation?

[@YouveGotaType]

First of all, love the Matrix reference. Secondly, have you watched the long form video on 9s yet? kzbin.info/www/bejne/mpy8g2mYlM2Ig7M Hopefully that's good fodder for the enneagram studying you're already tackling. Lastly! I actually started off my enneagram journey in the Christian Church and have a master's degree in Theology from Fuller Seminary. I bring that up only to justify my sort-of-non-response here haha... I could say so much about theories of salvation and predestination, but the KZbin comment section is probably not the optimal place for it. I would instead recommend to you Richard Rohr who is a Franciscan Friar, former Catholic Priest, and enneagram educator. His work on the topic is brilliant and far more succinct than I could be! Thanks for the great question though, and for sharing your perspective.

[@MrFireman164]

@@YouveGotaType I am familiar with Richard Rohr is there a particular book where he gets into the subject of predestination? Thanks 🙏🏻

[@YouveGotaType]

​@@MrFireman164 I would Universal Christ is a great place to start, which has direct implications about the theory of predestination without having an explicit theological argument against it. If you want deep, theological exposition of the topic, then I'd go to anything by N.T. Wright. Here's a clip of him discussing the topic to give you a taste of his complex thinking: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p3zaepygnb-KY68

[@metamutualguruist65]

Love the channel & the Enneagram, great job, keep it up

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks Kevin! Looking forward to dropping more content soon.

[@victoriafetterolf1625]

I'm a 9, but I fortunately did not have any trauma in my childhood, so most of what you say here was not my experience. But for me, I was the second from the oldest of 5 kids and I often times found myself playing peacemaker between my siblings. So that could be a big part of it for me, but I'd be interested to hear alternative explanations of 9s in childhood that doesn't involve trauma.

[@YouveGotaType]

Well, there may be no severe trauma, but every child learns to adapt their true self to make their environment accept them. For 9s, they hide parts of themselves to become what their parents value. In the longterm, 9s parents (even when healthy) can teach 9s that it's better to be comfortable than be bold. Easy to be comfortable when you have a charmed/idillic home life.

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great information!

[@TreetrunkVneck]

Awesomely explained!

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks so much!

[@coachmr.ice717]

No 7’s stuck around to comment- or they did but I skipped over them after only looking at 4 or 5 of them-

[@YouveGotaType]

7s and 3s seem to comment the least

[@helena6459]

Thank YOU!

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@helena6459]

@@YouveGotaType since 5 years is the enneagramm a part of my life and your view gave me an new good perspektive

[@VVanDraven]

Bro I thought I was a 1 but your description of Type 8 has me second guessing everything dude...

[@YouveGotaType]

Worth investigating for sure

[@enfieldjohn101]

I wonder if my wife is a 9. This description sure seems to fit her. Her parents divorced when she was little. Her dad remarried twice later on, so she has two step-moms. Her dad died of cancer when she was in college. Her mom died in a car accident about five years after my wife and I got married. So, she's had to deal with a lot of trauma and feelings of abandonment. I miss her mom too. She was about as good of a mother-in-law as you could hope for and she seemed to really love me. I'm so glad that my parents are still with us and that they've been very accepting and supportive of my wife. She seems to have a good relationship with them. She says that she's so glad to have a mom and dad again. My wife is very good, a natural you might say, at teaching and reaching out to people. She's certainly a mediator who is quite good at helping to settle disputes and to bring harmony back to situations. She genuinely cares about people, and many of her former first grade students still keep in touch with her. Some of her former student's parents have become our friends. I was attracted to her nurturing, caring and compassionate nature right away when I met her. She's the first person I've met who I really feel understands and accepts me other than my parents (who have finally begun to accept me for who I really am in the last 20 years or so. I think the best thing I learned in college was to start being myself and to stop trying to be what I thought my family expected me to be. My wife has had a similar road of self discovery and of becomming her own person.

[@YouveGotaType]

Wow, that is an incredibly painful experience for your wife. I can never type folks without direct interactions typically. But I would recommend her (and you, if you'd like) watching my videos on Type 9 and Type 2 to find out. Hope that helps! Type 9: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mpy8g2mYlM2Ig7M Type 2: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rHjJo62wq7yYmKc

[@enfieldjohn101]

@@YouveGotaType Thanks. I sure will.

[@persephone237]

7 Must confess: I don't feel it at all. But I also had an overprotective, lonely 2 as Mom. Maybe it's an individually case. Hope others can relate more.😊

[@persephone237]

However, I could not open up emotionally, especially when I was psychologically stressed or ill, because my mother herself had immense problems. I had the feeling that I had to hide pain as efficiently as possible in order to preserve her health and life.

[@YouveGotaType]

Hey Melanie - certainly are many reasons why this may not resonate with you. The overall description is about 7s feeling they had to nurture themselves. It's more about being frustrated with the maternal figure not providing what the 7 feels they should - so 7s learn to nurture themselves. This is why 7s core struggle is with over indulgence / gluttony of experiences. I talk about this more in my latest Parent-Child video if you're interested! But thanks for watching and sharing your personal experience!

[@ronjar.747]

Have you explored your subtype?

[@alyssagreen3308]

My mom was a lovely, overprotective 2!!!!!

[@persephone237]

​@@ronjar.747I think I'm an 7w6 sx

[@faithmomma2416]

As a 2 this really describes my childhood!

[@tamzhamz4615]

Wow that was great

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad you enjoyed it :)

[@mohamedelhag2110]

You are amazing,,thanks and you really deserve this breath that you have take it in the last minute I feel you

[@YouveGotaType]

🙏 thank you so much!

[@daniellthornton4218]

My brother is an 8 and wasn’t abandoned but my parents did discipline with a heavy hand. He got it worse than everyone else in my opinion because he was the most uncontrollable.

[@itsjanedoe]

Dang.. type 9 here. Experienced SA when I was 6. I spoke up about it because I was made to in front of the whole family. Only for my aunt to accuse me of lying on her son and nothing was ever done about it

[@KendrixTermina]

Hm. IDK how sure I am about this cause these are very barnumy statements, & generally I gravitate more towards the theory of types being either inborn or emergent. That said, the situation in our household was very much "one nice parent, one terrible tyrant" and all 3 of my sisters are type 6s. It was the reverse tho where the mom was nice & her husband was the tyrant. My bro and I are different types tho, so yeah.

[@YouveGotaType]

Hey @kendrixtermina can you clarify what you meant by "barnumy" statements? Guessing it might have been a typo. I have another video coming this week to clarify the parental connections issue as it's come up a few times, so keep an eye out for that! The theories around parental connections are generalized patterns that fit a majority of type experiences - so there are always outliers. But also, in my experience, so many people mistype themselves when they first discover the enneagram which makes it hard to accurately prove whether or not these theories are correct on an individual basis. Psychologically speaking - we are all born with a "temperament" and then the way we express it (our ego/personality) is molded within the first 3 years of our life on a deeply subconscious level. So siblings can turn out vastly different based on the unique experiences they have as very young infants/toddlers. Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! I always value hearing people's unique perspective on these videos.

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

6 Imbalance in prints ability to protect. Playmate Dad and strict disciplinarian Mom. Feel misaligned and flawed humanity of parents. Lacks stability and integrity. Alleviate anxiety by alliance with protective figure to resist burden of Mom. Ambivalent about authority or lose respect.

[@RenKim-r5b]

I don't know my enneagram. I can't seem to narrow it down. My childhood was like this. As a child, growing up my mom was pregnant with me, but my father did want nothing to do with me and he was abusive and couldn't be a dad so he left my mom to suffer. My mom had no choice but to leave me to my aunt to make ends meet. I grew up too quickly and my aunt had to play both roles which were the nurturing and authoritative figure.

[@YouveGotaType]

Hey Ren, I'm sorry to hear of that tough upbringing. It very much resonates with the 6s experience with abandonment/failure in the protective figure's responsibility to show you how to navigate life and make you feel safe. That mixed with the fact that you're having a hard time narrowing down your type is very characteristic of Type 6s that usually have the hardest time. I'd recommend watching my guide to 6s video here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJTNhItqpq2Vb7s

[@RenKim-r5b]

@@YouveGotaType It's fine. I am coping well. Well, I go look into it. Thanks for the help! I hope you have great day or night! ^^

[@casandra3267]

I'm an 8 and this was 100% accurate.

[@YouveGotaType]

That's music to my ears! Always hope it resonates with folks. Appreciate ya watching & commenting Casandra!

[@alexalexeich7329]

Do you think person's type may change with age? The way I was and the way I am now are quite contradicting.

[@alexalexeich7329]

I don't mean something like "I thought I was X but now I understand I actually was Y" Rather "I was X, and was not Y. But now I am Y and am not X"

[@YouveGotaType]

I do not believe we change types. If you explore the levels of health for each type, there are a vast array of traits that each type can manifest that are incredibly different. I would say that our wings shift as we get older, which can also make your type look very different (a 2 wing 3 looks VERY different than a 2 wing 1 for example).

[@sad_hedgehog]

thank you

[@YouveGotaType]

You’re welcome, sad hedgehog :)

[@margolitapnina6716]

❤ experienced a sexual trauma at 3. Hopefully it was not physical but it gave me a strong humiliation and abandonment impact. I stopped talking. Objectively I lived it as a great opportunity for my self development even in my childhood (I changed country so I felt safe and could elaborate) but when I lived it it has been extremely scary and sad 😢

[@YouveGotaType]

🙏 thank you for sharing.

[@margolitapnina6716]

@@YouveGotaType damn I forgot to write it was related to the 9 🤣🪑

[@Sam-bc9ll]

I'm a 9 , but I don't have any trauma. That's exactly what a 9 with suppressed trauma would say isn't it xD

[@YouveGotaType]

haha exactly

[@Gandellion]

Okay could be a 9

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

9 Resign from outside world bc of trauma. Low-maintenance child. Prefer to be in the background in relationships.

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

Death, divorce, & sexual trauma causes to resign. Developed ability to dissociate from painful experiences.

[@trustyourself-ashleyching3646]

Expressing needs causes trouble.

[@yoniversum9416]

9w1 or 1w9 or 1w2...

[@That_one_guy__]

Oof, I’m not telling my mum I’m a type 7.

[@margolitapnina6716]

❤

[@moveordievision]

+

[@leftalone9881]

8 was great. I didn’t associate the way I developed with how emotionally open hearted and connected I was in early childhood. I loved love. My sister (also an 8) raised me while my parents were passing away and up until she kicked me out at 18. She passed on the messages she learned in childhood to me, I’m assuming because she saw herself in me. She made sure I knew if I couldn’t “control my emotions” she would get rid of me at any moment.

[@YouveGotaType]

That is an incredibly difficult childhood, so I appreciate you sharing your experience so openly. I’m glad this resonated with you though, and I hope the enneagram continues to be a source of healing, or even just additional insight, along your journey.

[@leftalone9881]

@@YouveGotaType [cue defensive analogies about how tough love builds character and how I’m basically way better off for it and totally unaffected] (joking) but really learning about enneagram has really opened me up to patterns of behavior I didn’t previously recognize within myself. Thanks for making these, and for the encouragement.

[@YouveGotaType]

@@leftalone9881 hahah well played ;) That’s been my experience with the enneagram as well, so it’s my pleasure to make this kind of content!