Ep. 127 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

[@bballboy0019]

Berts arms look like when a child flexes and there’s nothing going on but you tell them “Wow so strong”

[@plnkfloydian7814]

His arms look like slabs of ghostly white meat

[@Cyxz666]

look at all that "definition" in those meat logs

[@esfitnesspro2455]

he's still 36% bodyfat 😂

[@acs78393]

Hercules! 👏Hercules!👏Hercules!👏Hercules!👏

[@RayRae559]

Who?

[@emilye.k4502]

Tom’s solo podcast should have been called “As I Was Saying…”

[@someguy8578]

YES!! Love to see a half-hour - 45 min podcast where Tom gets to just finish his thought. Release it a few hours after 2B1C drops.

[@bobbythelostjuggalo3507]

I wish tom segura would yell at me at a dog park 🤣🤣🤣

[@itsme-hf3yd]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@KarmaBaby11]

He never finished what he was saying about chefs- he got talking about Rochester and then Bart started talking about Kodak Black

[@1spankit]

Bert is all over the place. God Bless Tom

[@EyemBobbyMom]

Idk why, but angry Tom makes me feel so safe and warm inside. Like a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie.

[@benp9879]

*Saka Soufflé

[@Mannydamon]

Chaka souffle

[@Shecklevich]

But also like he might kill me in my sleep.

[@bendegroat9063]

Ooooo

[@Mannydamon]

Anyone gay looking for some fun? Do yo know what a banana split is?

[@ian-sauer]

Bert and Schaub should have a podcast together where they each drink 20 different types of beverage while interrupting eachother constantly.

[@CrimsonTusk]

I think that idea just gave me a brain aneurysm...

[@mr.Swartz]

You son of a bitch ! I’m in

[@MrFrostieBalls]

I think Schaub needs to just stop existing in the comedy and podcast scene in general because he's not interesting or funny. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@osloconfidental1807]

Hahahahahaha

[@MattMcLeod6]

And lots of mispronunciations

[@Ryan-ws3ui]

I've listened to 4 minutes so far and Bart is on his 10th tangent. Can we get blinders for him?

[@dr.doppeldecker3832]

Instead of getting him blinders like a horse they should give him horse tranquilizers. It's probably the only way to tame him.

[@JR-rz1br]

I cannot imagine what Bart was like on coke.

[@lionsmanexx]

I got to 6 minutes looking for this comment haha

[@plnkfloydian7814]

Ya it’s pretty rough to listen to

[@christophercawthorne3917]

You gotta let a peacock fly man. Brandt Klezmer is the king of tangents.

[@teelorp8306]

Can you put a shock collar on Bert for one episode and everytime he doesn't finish a thought he gets zapped? That would be really neat!

[@reefchiefer]

It would do wonders for the show

[@nooneyouknow699]

How about anytime he interrupts Tom with a unrelated topic? Or just a muzzle for at least 50% of the time so Tom can get some words in

[@edwardfranklin18]

I think you meant Cattle prod! LOL

[@eriksaenz1370]

The episode would never get done because he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

[@fraguladotvee8959]

That would be a fucking great idea for at least one episode. I bet he'd do it too.

[@ryant390]

Native will definitely blow Bert out of the water in this weight loss competition.

[@SoyCanVamp772]

Oh he’s gunna embarrass Bert

[@Betty-Boop809]

@@SoyCanVamp772 lol, that’s not too difficult.

[@blunttrauma5300]

Uhhhhh hundred percent

[@dr.doppeldecker3832]

It just needs one coke fueled gambling bender and his victory is secured.

[@jojnjohnson3234]

Might just blow him.

[@2mis2TL86]

Brent trying to not interrupt Tom’s dog park story is amazing, he looks like he might explode 😂

[@2011Jayceon]

I think that's because of all the fat.

[@Matteuslee]

You try not interrupting people like Mr. Krystal’s when you’re fueled by 3 bottles of fit vine and 128 grams of sugar from red flavored kool-aid.

[@TrollHunterxXx]

🤣🤣🤣

[@yannikakapralli]

he will explode someday.

[@ToughLuckHaze]

@@Matteuslee 🤣🤣🤣

[@PepeSi1via]

These two having a conversation is just my brain. One voice just talking incessantly while the other voice has to decipher any value to the ongoing torrent of nonsense.

[@briansmith3880]

I feel that

[@Dirt_Merchant]

You’re not alone my dude lol

[@dannygreen5477]

LMAO oh god I relate.

[@tektiteexpert5558]

@@Dirt_Merchant Of course he's not. He's got multiple voices in his head to keep him company.

[@bigdawgs94]

This could be a great way to explain adhd brain to people lmao it’s unbearable sometimes

[@Finding_Elysium]

This podcast is really just Bert following his thoughts vocally which include about 6 tangents per thought and Tommy two buns sitting there with his hands clasped while looking at Bert with his head slightly tilted and a slight "I can't believe he's still talking" expression.

[@DrDime_]

Bert's brain never matured. he's a child. just watch the shit he does and imagine an 11 year old in his place. zero difference.

[@polybiusnymb6446]

This comment section is really just people pointing out what a neurotic, ungrounded, blubbering vagina Bert is…. Over… And over….

[@silkbutter]

Tom’s favorite topic really is talking about how to chop up bodies. You can see how engaged he became the moment Brent asked him.

[@ceetee6939]

Yeah but if you had to kill tom or bert and have the other one help, Id probably pick tom to have help, what about you?

[@silkbutter]

@@ceetee6939 would have Tom help me kill Burt no question haha

[@gekquad116]

There could be an entirely separate podcast where Todd finishes the stories Bart interrupts.

[@burniehutjrs]

"the alternate timeline"

[@andyvanetten8381]

From Rochester and wished he had a chance to finish his actual story about meals he had when he was there 😂

[@gekquad116]

@@andyvanetten8381 agreed! I lived there while in college and I can think of a handful of places in and around the city Todd could have had a top tier meal but I’d have loved to have heard his take. Such a bummer.

[@andyvanetten8381]

Oh shit they kind of came back to it later! Never tried Redd though. Although its not top teir food, I wonderif he had a G plate 😉

[@KarmaBaby11]

@@andyvanetten8381 exactlyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[@floatingdoor]

I like how Brent is the host of two of his own podcast. Really cool that he lets Tom on all the time for one of them.

[@huk-uf7ut]

bert is like a child constantly looking for validation from daddy tom, and tom never wants to put him or his ideas down so hes just like yeah sure buddy.

[@jakewitter2415]

I agree! Listening to Bert speak is like hearing a child structure his first fully cohesive sentence, but it's every time he speaks

[@thewonderfulwizardoftheweb1053]

It’s a comedy podcast tom is yes anding

[@ja5304]

Bert is the voice in all of our heads telling us we’re better at something when we know we aren’t

[@zigwil153]

Brent is in his own stratosphere. He thinks so much of himself he’s sociopathic. The avg Joe is nowhere near him.

[@edgar6368]

@@zigwil153 maybe not a sociopath but most definitely a huuuuuundred percent a narcissistic 50 year old frat boy

[@bopk1ns]

@@zigwil153 thats comedy

[@zigwil153]

@@bopk1ns didn’t say it wasn’t.

[@DrDime_]

yea if you're also mentally handicapped

[@MrTowelsplug]

Bert makes me realize my adhd is annoying to others. He doesnt mask at ALL and its inspiring 😂👌🏼😵

[@brians7901]

Dude was thinking the same shit. Like omg is this how I appear to others when I'm really in the thick of it lol

[@TonesWoah]

Ragu? Ragu...

[@AaronAHamilton]

Same lol

[@Bittamin]

Bert is actually just a casual white guy after 2 cups of coffee

[@KarmaBaby11]

Same, 😆

[@johnschreckengost2847]

I can’t wait until they catch up to now so we can get the full rant about Will Smith from Tommy Buns.

[@tomalexander1945]

His rant on pat mcafee's podcast was pretty damn good

[@pwr2al4]

Early 2023 if I had to guess.

[@blunttrauma5300]

It'll be an epic, rage filled rant. Can't fucking wait!

[@rams812]

He's foreshadowing it here and doesn't even realize it. Like dramatic irony lol

[@TrollHunterxXx]

T bunz

[@absoluteastonishment5982]

Bert talking about The Game Bert: “Remember when I challenged him to a fight?” Tom: “Yeah” Bert: “I’d love to be friends with him.” Like what 😂😂

[@hudsonhill4611]

The irony of Brunt doing an Ad read for better help as you can literally hear his liver screaming for help

[@CaalamusTube]

Brunt :P

[@AbadonBIack]

That's literally what better help is for lol

[@AnnieVanDoran]

Bert:(completely out of nowhere) "Look up how long Bonny and Clyde dated before they were killed?" Tom: "How many times have you been in love?" 😂😂 Love this chaos #ragu

[@dylanlongwell1826]

Bert trembling trying to flex his fat arms 😂

[@plnkfloydian7814]

Ya they are fat but at least he doesn’t have bingo wings it could be worse

[@bakedgoods9182]

@@plnkfloydian7814 yeah but he’s well on his way to that if he doesn’t change his habits soon

[@staynielherbayn657]

@@plnkfloydian7814 he definitely will when he gets a little older

[@thecapricorn11]

the shakes. from drinking.

[@ctdieselnut]

He has whatever the opposite of definition is. A white tube of cookie dough.

[@revmaxproductions]

Everyone needs to start yelling "Ragu!" at Bart everywhere he goes.

[@Wnick56]

Ragu! Ragu? Ragu…

[@Mylespdx]

“Wow! Ragu?” shirt please

[@jeovoniivezaj]

Tom: “You would need a chainsaw!” Burt: *makes a weed whacker noise*

[@macknickelson4866]

When Tom talks you can see Bert's eyes glaze over lol

[@MultiTravellingman]

Bert saying Ragu 6 times in a row, then saying he could go for spaghetti is gold.

[@tylers2123]

I tune in every week and i don’t know why i expect to hear from tom

[@Shayquaza]

This show always makes me excited for Wednesday so I can hear Tom finish a story

[@justinburgos2927]

My new favorite visual is stereotypical gangbangers gathering in the trap on Monday at 8am, rolling backwoods for the new 2B1C episode

[@randallshankel4646]

We out here doggy

[@lvn4x]

So glad Tom got Joey Diaz to go to his show in NJ. Might turn into another decade of standup from Joey. Thank you for staying on him to come to the show!

[@VictorMartinez82]

I highly doubt that. Joey went cause he lives in Jersey now.

[@lvn4x]

@@VictorMartinez82 kzbin.info/www/bejne/kGeri4GfmdlpoM0

[@lowercase_james]

The best part is Tom looking to the guys in the booth to make sure they just got what Bert said as if this is all a clinical study we’re watching play out on KZbin.

[@CasaFuenteOrange]

I’m always waiting for the new episodes to come out, thanks for the content guys

[@jodyholton7730]

“His dad is Randy “Macho Man” Savage” 😂… We need MORE of that , not less.

[@shonuff9181]

Tom: Definitely would need a chainsaw Barnt: Makes weed whacker noise

[@cayvtube]

So Brent is dressed for the beach and Tom is about to get into his igloo.

[@dannygreen5477]

Bert is Florida man, purely.

[@bobbyknuckles6380]

Of course he’s dressed for the beach! He’s so young and spry.

[@cayvtube]

@@bobbyknuckles6380 spry 😅. Great word.

[@aroccoification]

Brent is usually topless so a tshirt is his winter clothes

[@bobbythelostjuggalo3507]

Yeah Brent doesn't get cold

[@josef2012]

Glad to see Bart reclaiming his Power.

[@johnstewart9641]

I literally checked four times to see if this wasn’t an already aired episode because Bert just told literally the first five stories at least five times on this pod alone

[@plnkfloydian7814]

If you think that’s bad don’t watch TFATK, they do like 3-4 episodes a week and understandably everything has already been said before

[@mp5249]

Extended alcohol abuse shrinks your brain. Super common.

[@mcr5645]

Brent's "The Machine" films timing is so unfortunate, and Tom keeps taking jabs lmao

[@cryinpooper]

I thought it was called the mechanic

[@joerunge3915]

You see what Andrew Schulz did to bart on Flagrant 2 lol

[@mcr5645]

@@cryinpooper lmaooo

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

@@joerunge3915 what happened? What episode?

[@MNewsTime]

@@sentientcardboarddumpster7900 most recent flagrant 2 just look it up. Akaash also did the bert cast. But I’m missing on why the movie is bad timing? Asides from the whole russia Ukraine thing but viewers won’t care

[@mr.tightywhitey8085]

Bert’s laugh makes me feel like I need to take a deep breathe 😂

[@Fazio315J]

Actually collectively with everybody in these comments I'm sure we can all agree we are mostly here for Tom segura

[@emerson5077]

episode 127, one hundred and twenty seven + hours into this podcast. Bert: Where did you grow up, Tom?

[@stephaniespencer9129]

So I'm listening to this while I'm on lunch at my college and I just realized if anyone walks past and hears any part of this out of context I'm gonna look like a fucking psycho lmao 🤣

[@leppycon]

I have the same problem with YMH, I've given up trying to explain it

[@danielmeuler2877]

I love when Tom goes off about Entitlement. I feel the same way Big Guy. Side note: When is Tom going to rub his friendship with Brad Pitt in Burt's face? I really have been looking forward to seeing the Hurt on Burtie Boys face.

[@popeye697]

He did that like a week or two ago

[@bobbythelostjuggalo3507]

@@popeye697 I wish I could see the hurt on Daniel members face

[@clevermissfox]

Entitlement makes my blood boil too

[@zak-a-roo264]

Good that Bart interupts himself at least as much as he does Tom.

[@slightly.above.average]

This entire episode is Brent talking, and Tom saying periodically, "yeah". I get it now; now I understand why Ari drugged Brent.

[@marcusash7]

He spiked him with Molly bro, it would’ve been the exact opposite outcome hahaha

[@seansean7814]

I know this is a joke, but I do have a real theory as to why Ari drugged Bert. MDMA was used in therapy in the 60's and 70's for PTSD and depression and may be used again in the future. Bert's a super nervous, anxious guy who claims he has PTSD, and I think Ari was actually trying to help him. But then again, he did dose him in front of his family. So maybe it was a cruel joke 🤷

[@DrDime_]

too bad it wasn't fentanyl

[@marcusash7]

@@seansean7814 I genuinely think Ari is just grossly ignorant bro. I partied a lot and still do from time to time, and I don’t know anyone who would think that’s good unless that person is EXTREMELY outgoing and willing to do drugs (me) and have a high tolerance.

[@marcusash7]

@@seansean7814 I don’t even think it was a “joke”. Like I don’t know what he was thinking bro, that’s awful to do. He has blood pressure problems too.

[@renaroronoa9399]

Man! The way Brent went on about where he used to live, reallly showed Tom’s patience 😂

[@OkxziRL]

3:45 tom caught on camera giving bret the “i could definitely cut this guys head off” look😂

[@JoshisJoshisJosh]

Tim fighting the urge to really dive into breaking down a murder is the best. Keep tryin buddy

[@clevermissfox]

Yeah he hasn't thought about it at all

[@Mr.NorthSacra916Xfour]

Filmed so long ago they still haven’t addressed the Will Smith slap. Maybe next months episode they’ll catch up.

[@leppycon]

lol dude it was two episodes ago, one was the morning after it happened.

[@Mr.NorthSacra916Xfour]

@@leppycon No they haven’t not on YMH or 2bears.

[@leppycon]

@@Mr.NorthSacra916Xfour one of the episodes was the day after.....it hasn't been talked about yet

[@lapincheriatota]

filmed so long ago that jada havent even cheated on will smith for the first time

[@groomedtodie]

Is there anything left to be said about it?

[@skillsformen9019]

38:16 I remember the good old days when boys still called eachother bundles of sticks. 😂 I felt the same way Tom did about that one. Nostalgia of an Era lost.

[@alwaystru4426]

Bundles of sticks Victoria Secrets Model (BOSVSM)

[@neuvisean1739]

Tom laughing about cutting up a body is pretty on brand

[@clevermissfox]

He has thought this through!!

[@zgiW]

"Lets pull it up" "No need, I'm telling you."

[@drew8212]

It's good to have my weekly treatment of Brent derailing conversations. It's good to get the blood boiling to start the week off lol.

[@jt2165]

I swear every episode Burt has another epiphany

[@ThatKidGaming]

Tommy Buns, for the next 2b1c live you should send bart to rehab

[@jbeardsly7045]

So has Bert ever been tested for adult ADHD? Cuz wayyy too many signs, lol.

[@ahnafryhover2912]

Yassssssss. THIS. All his tangents are hilarious and sure its funny to talk about his weight and his alcoholism, but I seriously worry for him bc everything he does is just constantly chasing dopamine and avoiding RSD. He DEFINITELY has it.

[@catcat5160]

He definitely has it. He should get on some wellbutrin tbh

[@StudioMod]

Actually he should stay off meds and be himself. ADHD is his entire personality lmao. Some people are healthy without meds and manage themselves. Bert isn’t mad awkward or anything so he should definitely not mindless enter the world of pharmaceuticals for no real reason.

[@untilsomeday8962]

No he still thinks its anxiety disorder... it's soo sad cuz I see him struggling with what I go through everyday... but the difference is he has no clue! Please someone tell him So he can get the support he deserves

[@StudioMod]

@@untilsomeday8962 It would make sense for anxiety. It’s called pressured speech. I have it too, much worse than him. Took me years to learn to shut the f up. Like seriously it’s hard.

[@MasterOfNone585]

Rochesterian here - Kodak really was massive for so long and had a pretty great employee pension. People my parents age in the 70's if they didn't go to college either went to work for Kodak, Xerox, or DuPont. The fall of Kodak really killed the city for a while, it's starting to come back though!

[@CaalamusTube]

Have you seen how much of the factory on Ridge & Lake has been torn down? I've lived here seven years & they started before I showed up. It seems like the project is still under way.

[@reefchiefer]

So when companies pay for live ad reads are there different rates for tom or bart? Or do they just pay a flat rate and pray they get tom?? Genuinely curious about this..

[@daegiovanni5864]

I'm new to 2B1C, and I'm blown away by Tom's reads. what a fuckin' pro...

[@GSPfan2112]

Toms toothless grin is so charming.

[@InspectahReese]

When Bert called the crew lollipops even though I can almost guarantee Enny could probably beat his ass pretty easily

[@clevermissfox]

"I could lick every one of them"

[@superspeed221]

Bret should do a talk show called “Just waiting for my turn to talk”

[@TheMadooox1]

« My ex looks better now than she did in the 9th grade » Bert come on man 😂

[@connorcase5836]

this ep was recorded Feb. 29th... we got a long way to go til Barf and Todd talk the Oscars.

[@chameliol.salamander3186]

😞😞😞😞😞

[@SepsisPanda]

I love how Tom says how entitlement makes his blood boil. And then after this was recorded "The Slap" happened and now what Tom said on Pat Macafees show reflects how mad Will Smith's entitlement made Tom 😂

[@niteshade8546]

"He just got shot at the Super Bowl." It's April. More than a month of episodes in the can makes the quality plummet. Tom already has a hard enough time making it good.

[@WKRP187]

I'm sure they probably wouldn't do that if they were behind a paywall but since it's free to watch on a free to download app it's kinda hard to bitch

[@thomaspeets6909]

Lots of other podcast to enjoy, babybitch

[@Cyxz666]

anytime they pre-record more than 2 episodes the content gets stale and boring

[@thomaspeets6909]

@@Cyxz666 naaaaaah.

[@crashfistfight]

13:22 Bert admits to being attracted to 9th graders.

[@Democracy_will_prevail]

In his mind he probly like "9th grade...they gotta be like 19 or something "

[@Fazio315J]

Hey do you guys remember that 1 time Bert cut off every interesting person that he has ever been in an interview with. Don't worry Bert will tell you about it

[@lowellmartens6135]

It would be interesting to see how Bert sees himself. I'm guessing he looks much like the Rock when he looks in the mirror.

[@JAaronMattox]

“Any dog under 50 lbs is a cat, and cats are useless.” - Ron Swanson

[@chasemartins3359]

Anyone who complains about the size of an animal is a prick. Enjoy ur slobbery smelly dog and I’ll enjoy mine.

[@jacobschiesser4730]

You can tell Bert is running out of things to say finally now that he is repeating his stories for the fourth time now

[@benjamin3290]

I don't know why I get excited for these episodes anymore. It's just Brent telling slightly different versions of the same 12 stories, and Tom getting interrupted and making faces at the camera. Such a good podcast first 50 or so episodes, but it's gotten very stale lately. Even if it comes across as forced or scripted, we need some variety. Some "razzle dazzle" like the dance video, but a fresh idea

[@AmandaBurns14]

Yea, I agree. I keep hoping for some moments like the dance off/Kool-aid bits, but 🤷🏼‍♀️ Also, the fact that they backlog episodes. I know they're both doing crazy amounts of tour dates, and we're lucky to still get weekly episodes, just hate they're a month behind

[@brigetteedinborough9541]

If women had the confidence in their bodies that Bert has in his, we’d rule the world.

[@arturogomeztagle9748]

Yeah…I mean women DO, but thats another thing.

[@jayro1509]

How many times is Bert going to talk about the one fight HES ever been in and how his dad treated him after. Do both these guys have dementia?

[@2011Jayceon]

Great. Another episode of the Burp Fatsir podcast.

[@hallockstuart7899]

To be fair Bart was stupid for not realizing the canadians were speaking french

[@Spawn303]

I can’t wait to hear their take on will smith in 4 weeks!!!

[@dcelectric6689]

I see Bert blowing a speedball before the podcast went well.

[@DrDime_]

that's called a head injury mixed with alcoholism

[@willwilson8964]

touch my camera through the fence, Brent Krismas!

[@zooedca]

Love how Tom can never finish a story without Bart interrupting. Then tried several times to come around to it again.

[@kivaansingh9452]

I'm from the numbers gang in south Africa... the 28's ....I have reformed my life now thou spent 4 years in south African prison system while in there I stabbed and killed 7 different people to become a general of the numbers gang

[@federicalfred1]

Look at Tom at 17:58 we know for sure he was lying! He can do it! He knows about Garth because he was the one who touched his tutorial through the fence!

[@skyhawkballer14]

Burt is already drunk

[@kristinajing8398]

*Investing in today is priceless because tomorrow isn't promised, trading Bitcoins,gold, silver and crypto secure a better Tomorrow.*

[@brandonray4777]

Stocks are good to invest on, but crypto is more profitable

[@abubakar_Abson]

@Sandra Kendrick ajk You have to get more experience first, work with a professional like Mr Wilson Micah on crypto to guide you step-by-step.

[@shawnhopkins2496]

@Brenda Nicholas Well I know about Mr Wilson Micah he’s a good broker, and more his trading strategies are top notch.

[@charlesthomas2735]

That’s a good idea, but how do I get to Mr Wilson Micah?

[@sarawaisglass239]

Mr Wilson Micah is the source of my financial life And three of my friends also trade with him and earned some cash with his help and guidance

[@Bateman61405]

Let’s see if I can make it through this one….Brent is insufferable…..

[@georgieboy_htown4eva4eva]

Burnt speaks in incomplete thoughts and run on sentences. I don't know how Tom can just sit there.

[@ilikmlow6900]

Honestly, Tim doesn’t even need a mic....